Radical Acceptance

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Radical Acceptance:

Radical Acceptance www.hopecouples.com

‘Shoulds’ of a Relationship:

‘ Shoulds ’ of a Relationship W ishing for something that does not exist Take up a lot of time and energy Holding onto these makes it harder to move forward in a relationship

Common ‘shoulds’ of relationships:

Common ‘ shoulds ’ of relationships My partner should satisfy all of my needs. My partner should know what my needs are without me telling him or her. I should enjoy my relationship more. I wish my partner was more understanding. I wish my partner was more like me. My partner should do more housework. I wish my partner wanted sex more.

What is radical acceptance?:

What is radical acceptance? Being open to context of situations Accepting how things are at present Waiting for understanding Not jumping to conclusions Seeing difficulties as understandable outcomes instead of a problem to be solved Seeing distress as part of whole context Slowing ourselves down

Types of Problems:

Types of Problems Unsolvable Problems Majority of problems- 69% Do not need to be solved in order to have a thriving marriage Need to be acknowledged and constantly worked out Require acceptance S olvable Problems Can still cause problems Require validation of partner’s perspective Require becoming a good listener Less painful and intense

Where do we struggle?:

Where do we struggle? What are your ‘ shoulds ’? What consumes most of your energy? What same arguments and conflicts do you experience repeatedly?

How do I practice radical acceptance of my partner?:

How do I practice radical acceptance of my partner? Let go and accept the present Embrace and acknowledge difficulties as they arise See reality without any ‘delusions’ Focus on the current moment Do not bring in past hurts Gather evidence about the present Accept reality without judgments Evaluate it as simply existing

Key Points:

Key Points Tolerate the moment by accepting Acknowledge ‘what is’ instead of ‘what should’ Accepting does not mean judging as good Gather information Focus on the context www.hopecouples.com


References Chapman , A. (2006). Acceptance and Mindfulness in Behavior Therapy: A Comparison of Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. International Journal of Behavioral Consultation and Therapy, 2(3), 308-312 . Gottman , J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work . New York: Crown Publishers . Hayes, S. C., Follette , V. M., & Linehan , M. (2004).  Mindfulness and acceptance: expanding the cognitive-behavioral tradition . New York: Guilford Press.

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