Slide 3:
3 retired Irishmen were playing poker in Gallagher's apartment when Jason Colm loses 500 euro on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Kyle Donal looks around and asks , 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Colm's wife. Who will it be?' The two draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. Kyle tells him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Colm's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Colm answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost 500euro, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Colm's wife.. 'I'll go tell him .' says Gallagher.
Slide 4:
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's wearing a collar support. 'Michael O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy 'That little skinny O'Connor?,' says Kevin, his friend, 'How could he do that to you? He must have had something in his hand.' 'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible beatin ' he gave me with it.' 'Well,' says Kevin, 'you should have defended yourself the same. Didn't you have something in your hand?' That I did,' said Paddy. 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast. And a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.' 'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
Slide 5:
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ye been?' 'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.' 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh , thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'
Slide 6:
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?' The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?' She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.' She says, 'That he did, Father.' She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun....' The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'
Slide 7:
While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers: 'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.' 'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.' Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers. Why's that?' asked Pat. 'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had 'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.
Slide 8:
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help .?" “Dad , can you tell me the difference between potential and reality ?” The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with George Clooney?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies. He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies, " Omigod ! Definitely!" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with George Clooney for a million p ounds, Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid goes back to his father . "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."