predraft

Pre Draft Preview: 

Pre Draft Preview Alas, to wet your appetites for some fantasy action, allow me to provoke your senses w/a pre-draft amuse bouche of sorts. Lets start this puppy with a tour around western Europe w/your guide, your captain, el capitan , TOSH!!!!!!!!!!!

Slide 3: 

Despite being a better leader of men than Patton and better strategist than Genghis Khan, Toe has finally set down the ping pong paddles and committed fully to the draft.

Slide 4: 

Chapman, besides thinking hes a lot better than he is, similar to other actors of his ilk that appear on entourage and act as if ppl should know who they are.( anna farris , Andrew dice clay, etc.) Even though fantasy football is one of your crowning acheivements , go back to what you do best: teens and throwing going away parties.

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Which brings me to the former commish , Xitij . In between his breaks from napa valley w/the sandman(spiderman3), he has dabbled in “hosting”. Lets just all agree that he doesn’t have the composure necessary to run a multi-….-dollar organization like myself.

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And then we have Lou, aka Goldberg. Going deep w/this reference, Chandler to Lou “hey you, uh wanna play some foosball?” Lou responds “No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really into sports.”. –source The one where eddie moves in. That describes lous competitiveness in fantasy. Maybe this year since money is involved he can dig into his jew roots and turn his greed into wins on the gridiron.

Slide 7: 

Sometimes Aco wants to go, where everybody knows his naaaaaaaaaaame . This guys is coming off a season of noodling in Shreveport and making bigger waves in the south than Shapiro. Can he followup his mike ditka -like rookie season(look It up)? Probably not. Hes probably gonna need tommy johns surgery and if he doesn’t figure out how to throw a knucklebid fast, hes gonna end up drafting 3 kickers and a qb combo of cam newton and carson palmer.

Slide 8: 

After failing to enslave blue aliens jones is transferred his administrative skills to running a fantasy organization. He allegedly “succeeds” in every league he is in. In many peoples opinion succeeding would mean making the playoffs probably. Not even joe , the good jones , jones expects playoffs from his broski . Prove us wrong plz .

Slide 9: 

While ze Germans tried to end Elwizzles life in ScG , Fowler could snuff his spirit. Sure he may think hes gona just walk into the draft make it rainand walk out w/a solid roster. But this year its different, according to sources, this year Elway is making his own decisions flipping the bird to suggested values and coming in whitesnake style.

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Unfortunately for ze Germans Elways allie Dale Earnhardt wasn’t having that. Despite not paying me and being a perennially deathrow inmate, sandmeyer has overstayed his welcome and become a bedbug-like fixture. Will he finally breakthrough? Optimistically he will make the playoffs, pessimistically john connor will succeed in shuting down skynet and sandmeyers roster updates will stop week 4.

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Despite his lack of recent board activity, the one affectionately called Chibvis is still beloved. He does have reasons for not being active. He recently just figured out how to guard this guy. By this guy im of course referring to the time space continuum(back to the future rules, not terminator rules). He now has access to fantasy performance from the future. But how will his horrible drafting instincts stack up against this knowledge, is anyone’s guess. Its possible chad drops a Benjamin on Bernard Scott.

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Which brings us to everyones favorite sloth and and habitual pass out drunk. Don’t let mels record fool you he had one of the worst teams last year. He bottomed out by trying to solicit oral sex from everyone’s favorite wildcard.(the gang gets stranded in the woods) He went on to have a successful stint in rehab and looks ready to return to classic mel form.

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And for what every fantasy player is in search of, the glory of being named SnowCourt Til I Die champion. After putting up points like he puts down chimichangas , drew was the postseason favorite. Then when everyone thought he had it in the bag they realized that they had the wrong Pvt Ryan. His brothers were still in grammer school(not unlike chapmans girlfriend at the time).

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And then there is the real colt. Some may say that he was gifted a win in a conspiracy to take out the commish by tarik starting a single qb in the semis. But the truth is Will Hunting cracked the code. He just understands the points system and drafting strategy beyond matt berry and far beyond the noobs in this league. Repeat is a lock unless Minnie driver results in Gak leaving the league to see about a girl. (son of a bitch, he stole my line)