KEYS TO HAPPINESS

I WANT TO BE HAPPY:

I WANT TO BE HAPPY By Stephen Budd ©

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Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon. Author Unknown

Background:

Background This power point is a small sampling of some of the key life lessons I have learned in my quest for true, lasting happiness. I am a single father of three girls, We lived on a teachers salary. We had numerous obstacles including cerebral palsy, poverty, and injustice, but some how through it all we found true happiness I hope it will enlighten you and bring happiness a little closer to you

Where to Begin?:

Where to Begin? I met this great woman who was my therapist years ago who taught me a lot of what I am about to share with you. She was about 78 years young at the time I was fortunate enough to meet her and learn from her. I couldn’t begin to share all the wisdom she taught me in one presentation. The following is simply a sampling of her wisdom and my understanding of that wisdom. The first thing she told me was that there are 3 A’s to change…

The 3 A’s to Change!:

The 3 A’s to Change! Acknowledge Accept Action We must first a cknowledge there is a need for change. Then we must a ccept the need for change. Finally, we must take the a ction needed for change.

3 A’s Explained:

3 A’s Explained Acknowledge- To acknowledge means to gain knowledge, an understanding intellectually that there is a need. This step takes place in the mind, thought

3 A’s Step 2:

3 A’s Step 2 A ccept - To accept means to leave the mind, or thought stage and enter the emotions. This step requires attaching emotions to the thought of change. This step incorporates the desire, the fuel for change. Emotions are nothing more than our thoughts in motion in our body.

3 A’s Step 3:

3 A’s Step 3 A ction- This is the final step in the changing process. This step requires you to take action on the need (thought), using the fuel (emotion) created in step 2. All that is required is to begin moving in the general direction of your desire. You do not need overwhelming desire (fuel) yet, you are allowed to refill on your journey.

3 A’s Explained:

3 A’s Explained Step 1 in the process is fairly easy. It comes almost naturally. Once you can acknowledge you want to or need to change, you are ready to move onto step 2. Step 1 though, is the stage most of us stay on and rarely move from. ( Thus the unhappiness in our life .) We even use our mind to justify not moving by attaching emotions that will stagnate us; but we justify this inaction as protecting us from perceived, imaginary fears.

Are You stuck? :

Are You stuck? Simple observation will tell you if you are stuck in stage 1. If you are not seeing results, if you are not feeling great desire for change then you are still in step 1. The hurdle, ironically, is the mind or thoughts. You have the acknowledgment, the thought that change is needed, but you immediately think of all the reasons why it won’t happen. Letting go and allowing the empowering emotions to attach that will propel you forward can be scary to some, but is far from impossible.

There’s An Easy Way Forward:

There’s An Easy Way Forward If you observe you are in this cycle, don’t fret. Use the very process mentioned to become unstuck. First acknowledge you want the change. Acknowledge that part of your brain has been trained to stop this process because in the past you have been hurt and/or failed when trying this. It is no different than touching a hot stove as a kid. Your brain learns to protect you from that. Now tell your brain you are going to rethink that thought of change again. This time tell it it’s only a thought. You will not act on it. You are just fantasizing about a desired outcome. Then explain to the brain that in this game you will be fantasizing daily about the desired change but will not be acting on it or expecting it to come true. There is no fear or protection needed at this time. Thank your brain for trying to protect you and for working in the exact way you have asked it to work!

Let’s Play:

Let’s Play Now allow yourself to think of that desired change you wished for. RELAX, no commitment, no fear of it coming true or danger in it happening. It is only a fun harmless thought that cannot possible materialize. Let your mind go with the thought. Your mind is powerful and can really fly with all kinds of fantasies. It is harmless! Don’t worry, your brain will stop it before anything can really happen, no change will be allowed to happen.

This is Only an Exercise:

This is Only an Exercise Now you have allowed yourself to at least acknowledge the thought, let’s attach an emotion to it just for fun. This is only an exercise, no magical, scary, powerful spell will happen. You are acting solely in your mind. Nothing can occur externally in the world from doing this exercise. No one will ever know you are doing this. It is a private, inner thought, protected from everyone else in the world.

This is Just For Fun:

This is Just For Fun Let’s attach an emotion like joy or happiness, or even success. You get to pick the emotion, there is no wrong way because it is only in your mind. To attach an emotion all you need to do is think of the emotion and let your mind run with it. Emotions are nothing more than thoughts in motion in our body. Now imagine a great emotion, even if you have never experienced that emotion on the level you believe it would occur if this change actually happened. Just play, feel big! Remember this is only a fantasy! I am sure you have imagined a scenario with sex that has never happened but you allowed yourself the fantasy. This is the same! Just go with it and have fun. It is only in your mind no one else’s.

What’s Your Emotion…it can be any one you want:

What’s Your Emotion… it can be any one you want Notice the emotion. Notice where you feel it. Notice the surroundings in your mind. Are you in the same or different house? Are you even in the same state or country? What do you now own? How are people now treating you? How is that better than before? Just enjoy the fantasy. There is no danger, just fun and joy. You’re going to be thinking for the next couple minutes anyway. Why not think in fantasy? Don’t worry, if your not happy with this your misery is guaranteed to be refunded 100%!

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As you feel this emotion and are realizing nothing has changed, your worst fears are not coming true because of this. You realize you are safe and sound. This is harmless and fun. Now lets imagine, for the hell of it, you are at that place of change, that ecstasy of emotion. Gently ask yourself, how are you carrying yourself? How has your body posture changed? How’s your breathing and eye contact? Do you see yourself as confident in this fantasy? Do you think others are treating you better, with more respect? If you were given this day in real life, (where you are the person you are fantasizing), what would you like to do with your day, since there are no limits?

Permission: What a Great Gift:

Permission: What a Great Gift Allow yourself to go with this. If your brain pops in with that old fear saying: “This is ridicules, this can not go anywhere.” Tell your brain that it is ok, you understand it is only trying to protect you and you appreciate that. Tell your brain this is only a fantasy much like the sexual fantasy you have had. It is harmless and only here to allow you to escape for a couple minutes. Tell your brain you don’t need that protection right now but thanks anyway. It will hang back. Don’t worry it will never go far away and it will quickly jump in if it thinks it is scared or needed.

Let’s Pick What We Like!:

Let’s Pick What We Like! Now let’s go back to imagining how you look, feel and act in this fantasy. Notice your posture. Notice the way others look at you. Feel your sense of pride, their sense of admiration. I want you to pick one or two things you notice about yourself in this fantasy. It can be your posture, your breathing, your location of your head/chin. It can be that inner feeling of success. Pick only one or two things you really like about this fantasy you. It can be either physical or emotional.

Let’s Keep What We Like:

Let’s Keep What We Like Really focus on those two things. Notice every detail. Feel and feel them again. Commit them to memory. As you commit them to your memory, I want you to rub your nose. Yes, rub your nose. This will be your signal to your brain to bring soaring back to your memory, those two powerful, fun, nice feelings or physical features.

REPEAT!:

REPEAT! Now go back to that fantasy, picture those few things you really liked and again rub your nose! Picture those few things and again rub your nose! You are simply programming your mind to recreate those feelings at an instance so you don’t have to go through the whole process again to reach that point. Think of it as your organism. The main reason people repeat sexual fantasy is to feel that organism again. Eventually you reach the point where just the promise or thought of those few seconds of orgasmic pleasure is enough to get you to back immediately into that state of “horniness”. People tend to repeat pleasurable experiences. Before when you thought of change it was painful. Now it can be pleasurable and thus the desire to repeat it increases!

The Law Behind This and Why It Works. Let’s remove the curtain and peak behind human behavior:

The Law Behind This and Why It Works. Let’s remove the curtain and peak behind human behavior It can be explain very simply by what I call the TEA Theory. T= Our Thoughts E= Our Emotions A= Our actions Our thoughts plus our emotions determine our actions thus our outcomes and experiences

Quick Story:

Quick Story Let’s say you and I are walking down the street together. A man in front of us reaches in his pocket for a handkerchief. As he pulls out the handkerchief, he unknowingly drops a hundred dollar bill. We both see this and have the exact same thought. “That man dropped a hundred dollar bill.” But I immediately attach the emotion of greed and selfishness to that thought. I quickly pick up that hundred dollars and put it in my pocket. Now you, having the same thought, attach the emotion of empathy and selflessness to it. So you immediately pick up the hundred dollar bill and give it back to the man. What was the difference?

The Difference Made all the Difference:

The Difference Made all the Difference The only difference between you and me was the emotion attached to the thought. We both saw the exact same thing, we both thought the exact same thing, the difference was how we interrupted it. The emotion we attached determined the action we took. The action couldn’t of been more different.

T.E.A. Theory©:

T.E.A. Theory © Our Thoughts plus our Emotions equal our Actions. If you want to change anything in your life you must first change either your thoughts or your emotions about it. You will always have thoughts. You may even feel powerless over your first thought, but you do have a choice about your second thought! Our emotions are nothing more than our thoughts in motion in our bodies . Choice wise thoughts. REMEMBER THAT!

The Good News:

The Good News The good news is that this isn’t as hard as we imagine. The only reason it is hard for us is because we complicate it. We allow ourselves to stay in the thought stage by giving those thoughts power that tell us we cannot change. We attach emotions to them which gives them fuel. Thus the cycle continues! Now we don’t always do this consciously. We have had years of training. We even do this with best intentions. On some level we tell ourselves that we are only protecting ourselves. Because our past experiences have lead to pain so why attempt it again? That is why it is important to begin this the way we did earlier, through fantasy. If we don’t begin safely our brain kicks in and stops our progress. That stoppage is so familiar it will always over power the new way of thinking. We have done that dance for so long it has become engrained in us and automatic. We know that dance so well, it is so familiar we feel comfortable and safe with it. We are guaranteed the same outcome and it has become so habitual that we’ve learned to live with it even if we don’t really like it.

The Past Does Not Equal My Future:

The Past Does Not Equal My Future If your past equals your future than stop reading this. You already know the outcome and this can only bring frustration and failure to you. But if you’re one of those who enjoys frustration and failure and don’t mind doing that dance over and over, than by all means continue. But at least be honest and acknowledge that’s what you are doing. By being honest you actually can be successful at being a frustrated failure. You have mastered that technique! That proves the TEA theory works! I don’t mean that sarcastically, I am being honest. You are human this applies to you!

Don’t Worry Be Happy!:

Don’t Worry Be Happy! If you honesty want to change how you feel and bring happiness into your life than don’t worry! You have the tools necessary. You have used them over and over. The only difference this time will be the emotion we attach. Thus the outcome. You have already mastered the TEA law.

Putting It All Together:

Putting It All Together Remember the fantasy exercise we did earlier? I had you anchor, by rubbing your nose, those few feelings or physical traits you really liked in your fantasy. Now its time to use them. REMEMBER before you begin: it is not necessary to think or believe this will work or that change and happiness will immediately flow into your life. All you need to do is feel those few feelings or relive those few physical traits a few times a day. It is better if you do them while around others. If you only do them in the privacy of your room there’s a feeling that will be attached to them of phoniness or non-reality that will undermine your efforts. By secretly feeling them in public it will energize you and provide the feeling of empowerment. You don’t need to be overt with them. Perhaps it would be something as simple as holding your head up straight, chin out, breathing deeply. Or perhaps it will be that you rub your nose and this feeling of confidence overcomes you for a second. Whatever it is for you, by performing this in public it will make it more real for you and again it is being done with no harm or with anyone even knowing what you are doing.

Instrumentalist:

Instrumentalist I am an instrumentalist. I believe things are done in increments. I believe we achieve by doing the little things that add up to a grand result. So don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting huge results immediately. That doesn’t mean we can’t be happy along the way. Life is a journey. The goal of this is to be happy. Truly wealthy people, not just rich people, are happy. They learned that with or without money and material things they can be happy. Thus the money doesn’t control them they control it. We can get to the rich stage but what good is it if we are still sabotaging and feeling like a failure? We all know of lots of examples of people who obtained great riches only to lose it or worse yet be miserable with it. That is not a noble goal. We want both the money and the happiness! The secret is that it is easier to get the happiness first then the wealth. Ironically, the wealth usually follows the happiness with ease. With happiness we will know how to handle the money. With just the money you will never learn how to handle the happiness.

PLAY…Life Is Too Short:

PLAY…Life Is Too Short Practice summoning those few great feelings at will. Do this often, perhaps 5 times a dy. Don’t over do it. We also sabotage by going all out for a couple days only to get burned out. Remember: Incremental steps. As you bring up these feelings on command you are also training your brain. Once you’ve done this a few times go back and get a few more success traits and anchor them in your life. Soon you will see you are acting like that successful person and more importantly the world will see and respond accordingly.

Words to the Wise:

Words to the Wise Did you know that the owner of Domino's Pizza acknowledge that when he first started out he pretended he had a Superman “S” on his chest and was capable of superhuman feats. What we think and feel becomes our reality! Even if it starts in fantasy. Imagine what technology we would not have if it were not for the fantasy of Gene Rodenbury and his Star Trek show?

PLAY…Life is too short:

PLAY…Life is too short Play with this! It is fun and even if you don’t believe it works; what harm did it do. It caused you to think more positive and dream more deeply than ever before. It also allowed you many pleasurable moment of reliving great feelings in real life situations that may have been otherwise dull or depressing.

This is Only the Beginning:

This is Only the Beginning There is more to this than just this information. This is meant to only be the beginning. Master this well and happiness will begin to flow into your life. I will add more Power Points over time that will take us even deeper into true happiness and wealth! Enjoy the journey and stop beating yourself up!

Never Be Afraid To Try…:

Never Be Afraid To Try… Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Unknown Author

Here’s a Life Secret::

Here’s a Life Secret: I just want to be able to play and make people feel good with what I do. When you’re thinking that way, anything can happen, and what usually happens is good. Mark Knopfler Lead guitarist of Dire Straits

Be Courageous:

Be Courageous You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. Christopher Columbus

What We Think Matters :

What We Think Matters Some complain the roses have thorns while others rejoice that thorns have roses. Author Unknown

The End…or is it?:

The End…or is it? Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end. Unknown Author

A Final thought…:

A Final thought… These are just a few great quotes to think about and apply to your own life. Notice how many are from unknown authors. Isn’t it amazing how so many unknown people can still have a lasting impact on so many unknown people. We are meant to act locally. Being happy impacts locally, those we love and those we don’t. Amazingly being happy also is contagious and often spreads globally.