what is domestic violence?

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In youtube :http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Jx8NbcuasCQ The power point of "what is domestic violence?" helps us to recognize the aspects of domestic violence against women. In domestic violence, there are details which remain unseen. There are always untrue definitions about the concept of violence. We believe there is a way to understand fragile situation of the victims who live a constant fear to break this chain. Being aware of our misconceptions about domestic violence helps us in this way. For the occasion of February 14th, “One Billion rising”

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Being a parent, provides the licence to beat the child and marriage provides the licence to beat the wife ! Murray Straus (English Sociologist)

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Living your whole life with a thuggish person A hand strangles you and you submit to having sex! Being careful not to say something “wrong” but being afraid of leaving him! or you will be punished!

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You have to get permission to visit your relatives or to take your children out for fun. to leave the house

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When he says you are to blame , you believe him! Everything would become alright!! If you were a better mother! If you just wore what I liked! If you were a better lover! If you were a better housewife! If you talked less! If you had silenced the child! If you had a better body! If you weren’t employed! If you hadn’t laughed out loud!

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You don’t know where to escape ! If you tell him you want to leave him, You are bruised and wounded from beatings Where to seek help! You are ashamed of talking about your predicament ! How would you even muster the power to leave him? and for next time you might get killed ! Where is safe? you will be threatened !

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66% of Iranian women are under constant domestic violence! Men are responsible for 95% of domestic violence. Violence such as: beating and slapping hair pulling strangling shoving humiliation and mocking shouting and cursing being kicked out of the house destroying household appliance Preventing from education and working being limited in contact with family and friend monitoring their c ell phone, PC and emails cheating or re-marriage and being forced into uncommon sexual conduct being accused of having an affair being forced to abort a child or get pregnant circumcision of girls and women threats of divorce

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is a momentarily and temporary anger! It only happens in lower class families! As “a slap” or “punch” is rare and is not a big deal! Doesn’t happen in religious families! Stops when the child is born! These are all misconceptions! The reason for it is job and financial problems! Abusers are never kind or nice! It’s common in a relationship! It’s involuntary, because they always regret doing it!

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educated illiterate poor wealthy religious funny but a calculated and voluntary method to enforce fear and dominance over the other. It is not temporary or momentarily, Showing remorse and regret is usually a part of this method. Contrary to common belief, a violent person can be: charming smart hardworker a good father or atheist and can be very kind and passionate when he is calm or happy. The truth (about domestic violence):

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Violence doesn’t stop by arrival of the newborn child. It might even escalate. Problems outside the house don’t justify domestic violence. Many people solve these problems without resorting to violence. The truth (about domestic violence):

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This is what God intended and... Most women don’t know that: one of the main reasons of continuous violence is hiding it! They mistakenly believe: This is a private matter and shouldn’t be disclosed. That they are to blame and they are not fit to keep a husband. The husband will eventually come to his senses. Disclosing it would be shameful and they would be ostracized. Disclosure would definitely result in divorce . etc...

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phase 5: woman gets back home and a period of peace ensues. phase 4: the husband shows remorse and relatives mediate for the woman to get back to her house. Third phase: the woman leaves the house due to beatings , and stays at her parents or relatives’ house . second phase: starts with nitpicking but ends in severe beatings. Where and how does domestic violence begin? first phase: starts with nitpicking and ends in shouting , cursing and minor beatings . All these phases repeat again but each time more unbearable and with less time distance. Things get out of hand until

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and more such sad incidents are the result of staying and tolerating these acts of violence. Self burning spousicide parenticide insanity permanent depression losing self confidence incarceration abortion and premature birth

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The other victims of domestic violence are the children Children grow up believing that violence is a normal behavior , and do the same in their life. They might be abused or witness the beating of their parent. Sometimes the husband blackmails his wife by threatening to beat the children. Enuresis, fear of rejection, running away from home, drug use tendency, suicidal tendencies and aggressive behavior are some of the side effects of domestic violence on children.

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Remorse of the husband after each act of violence are some of the reasons women tolerate violence long judicial process Unfair laws and ignorance about the existing laws Financial dependence, fear of loneliness and losing the children lack of support from the family and lack of a appropriate support network Emphasis on becoming pregnant and satisfying the husband as values Feeling of weakness, and believing in husband’s power

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They thought all the doors were closed and felt powerless and hopeless about getting out of this state. Lenore Walker, American psychologist After years of studying women who were beaten constantly by their husbands, realized that:

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Violent people never stop unless they are punished or feel really threatened. Remember : Victims can not stop violence just by changing their own behavior .

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www.shahrvand-yar.com From IRAN