Slide 2:
2 Ten easy ways to become more assertive
Assertiveness is doing things your way without treading on anybody else’s toes.
Decide that you want to become more assertive and choose a starting date. Put it in your dairy.
Pick your top three priorities for becoming more assertive. Think of places (work or home), events (meeting or appraisals), people (your colleagues, your boss, your family).
Choose four occasions over the next week or month when you are going to try to be more assertive.
Keep telling yourself: you count.
Practice saying things in an assertive (not aggressive) way. Get straight to the point.
6) Learn to ask for what you want without apologizing, simpering or sounding hesitant. It will only be important to the other person if you make it sound as if you mean it.
Never take refusal as a personal attack. Learn to compromise.
Think of second best or fall back position if your request is refused.
Learn what to say to aggressive or passive people.
Respect your own feelings
Slide 3:
3 Stop saying “YES” when you mean “NO” How do you react to these situations?
A good friend wants to visit but you are very busy.
A neighbor wants to barrow your lawn-mover but you have planned to use it.
The family want to go out, but you want to stay in.
A beggar asks you for money
A door-to-door salesmen tries to appeal to your sympathy
A women asks you for a charitable contribution in the street.
A colleague at work asks you to cover far his or her absence.
Why saying NO is difficult for some people?
When you say NO how do you feel?
Other people will get annoyed with me.
I’d be letting them down
I am being rude or selfish
I’m getting rather “above” myself
I’ll find it more difficult to ask them for a favour in future
I will be unpopular
Slide 4:
4 What are the consequence of passively saying “yes”?
You get a reputation for being a “doormat”.
You become overworked and stressed.
You will be harbor hidden resentments about the people who have asked
you to do things.
You may eventually lose temper and control, which will only make things
worse.
You will be tempted to become more aggressive and this is as destructive
as being passive.
Learn to replace your fear with assertive thinking
If you feel “people will get annoyed”, think “they should respect my feelings”.
If you feel “people will be let down”, remember it should not be a “you win, I lose situation”
“I am being rude”. It is not rude to express your point of view, it just depends on how you say it.
If you fee “I’m not important enough to say it”, remember that you’re as important as others.
If you’re worried about asking for favour in future, bear in mind that, if there is mutual respect and you have been honest and direct in saying “NO”, Then things shouldn’t degenerate into a question of tit for tat.
Ten basic assertiveness skills :
5 Ten basic assertiveness skills Buy the time before saying “yes/No” to any request. Think first: do you really want to do it?
Deflect aggressive comments. Try saying; “ Let us talk latter when you’ve calmed down a bit”
Be honest about your feelings – if you find something hard to say, own up. Say “I find this quite difficult to tell you but -----”
Break out of your victim mentality and tell yourself to take control – you can do it!
Stop apologizing for your thoughts and actions – people will respect you more.
Pick a date on which the new more assertive you will begin to emerge
Watch for aggressive , self centered people. If they keep saying “I”, try saying, “perhaps you’d now like to hear my point of view – it’s worth waiting for”
Don’t let people get away with blaming you or others. Remind them that assigning blame rarely does any good.
Never try to counteract a sarcastic comment – remember it’s come from a poor soul who still does not understand what assertiveness is all about. Turn the conversation around to something more positive.
Don’t get caught in a tit -for- tat argument. But don’t ignore it either. Say something like, “OK, how are we going to move this issue forward”