drss - communication skills

Slide 1:

Deployment Relationship Survival Skills - Communication

Communication Tools:

Communication Tools Summarize what you hear. Listen for the content of what your spouse is saying. Say it back in your own words. Identify the feelings. Listen for the emotions your spouse is experiencing. Say it to your spouse.

Communication Tools:

Communication Tools I Messages They help you communicate what you are feeling in a less threatening or blaming way. What is the make-up of an I Message? “I feel” (insert a feeling word) “when you” (describe your spouse’s behavior) “because” (state the affect the behavior has on you)

Case Study #1:

Case Study #1 Jill came through the door. Her lips were pursed; her eyebrows were knitted, and she was frowning. As soon as she saw Steve she said, “If Bill Jones steals one more of my ideas and shares them with Mr. Easton before I get to, I may have to hurt him. Mr. Easton thinks that Jones is so great and so smart, but he is earning all that respect with my brain instead of his.”

Case Study #1:

Case Study #1 Summarize what you are hearing Jill say. (below are some possible replies) “So Bill is going behind your back again.” “Bill is still up to his old tricks I see.” Identify the feelings. “Boy, Jones has really ticked you off this time.” “You are really angry, aren’t you?”

Case Study #2:

Case Study #2 Bob sat on the couch not moving a muscle. When Susan came in the room, he didn’t even move his head to look at her; he just kept staring off into space. When he finally did speak, he only said “Sometimes I feel like it isn’t worth it.” Susan prompted him, “What do you mean?” Bob said “I feel like I work so hard and it still isn’t enough. No matter how hard I try to bring home a little extra money so we can get ahead, the bills just seem to pile higher and higher.”

Case Study #2:

Case Study #2 Summarize what you hear. “I guess you have been balancing the checkbook again.” “We had some unexpected repair bills again this month, didn’t we?” Identify the feelings. “I can see the money situation really has you depressed.” “I know you are really tired of dealing with our bills.”

Calling a Time Out:

Calling a Time Out At the earliest signal that a disagreement will escalate, agree to call a time out. Rules for a time out: Either person may call it. Separate for 20 minutes and do something to calm down. Call time in and finish the discussion calmly and safely.

Problem Solving:

Problem Solving Problem Solving begins with Problem Talk. Problem Talk Use the communication tools learned earlier to talk about a problem till both of you feel understood. The goal during problem talk is not to agree. The goal is for both to feel understood.

Problem Solving:

Problem Solving Brainstorm solutions Write down all suggested solutions. Do not criticize any solutions that are offered, just write them down. Discuss the pros and cons of each possible solution. Both agree on one and put it into practice. Agree on a specific amount of time when you will review the problem and see if the solution is working.

Family Night Activity:

Family Night Activity Practice the communication skills. Sit in a circle on the floor. One person holds a bean bag and tells with moderate detail about something that happened during the day (this can be something good or frustrating). He then tosses the bean bag to someone in the circle. That person summarizes what was said. That person now tosses the bean bag to another person who identifies the feelings in what was said. Now the bean bag is thrown to someone else and the whole process starts over. Continue going around the circle till everyone has had a change to do all of the activities.