Ask the Judge - Marriage-Proofing Your Divorce (autorun)

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Ask the Judge : 

Ask the Judge A Free Service From Your Morale Support Officer

Slide 2: 

Dear Judge: I just took the Chaplain’s Class on “Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage”, but my wife still gets mad at me on the phone. What’s up with that? Signed, Confused Newlywed

Slide 3: 

3 Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage Taking Important Steps Now to Keep Love Alive! Presented by CH Dave Bowlus (1/75 RGR RGT)

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4 Marriage-Proofing Your Divorce Taking Important Steps Now to Gain Your Freedom!

The Chaplain’s “Hidden Agenda” : 

The Chaplain’s “Hidden Agenda” Healthy, loving families “Love” & “Mutual Respect” A great home environment to raise your kids Rewarding family life Low divorce rates Bottom line: less work for him

The Judge’s Agenda : 

The Judge’s Agenda Your Personal Freedom Your Individual Rights Your Privacy Your Constitutional Right to Hunt, Fish, Golf, Smoke, Dip, Drink, Swear, and Surf those naughty websites whenever you darn well please

The Judge’s “Hidden Agenda” : 

The Judge’s “Hidden Agenda” One Divorce (You) = One Car Payment (Me) One Platoon = Decent Used Truck One Company = Mercedes One Battalion = Leisurely Retirement Home in Aspen Bottom line: You can always trust someone who’s in it for themselves -- it’s the American Way

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VALIDATION COMMUNICATION “The Marriage Cycle of Love and Respect” RESPECT LOVE

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INSENSITIVITY “The Judge’s Divorce Cycle”

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ONE WAY COMMUNICATION “The Judge’s Divorce Cycle” INSENSITIVITY

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“The Judge’s Divorce Cycle” DISRESPECT ONE WAY COMMUNICATION INSENSITIVITY

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“The Judge’s Divorce Cycle” THE DOOR ONE WAY COMMUNICATION INSENSITIVITY DISRESPECT

Things To Do Now: Phone Tips : 

Things To Do Now: Phone Tips Talk about the cheerleaders visit incessantly. Mention their “abs” repeatedly. When you discuss the kids, get their names wrong. Ask how her diet is going, especially if she’s not on one. Give her obvious tips, like: “Why don’t you eat less?” and “Try PT instead of TV for a change.” When she mentions how stressful her day was, say: “We only have three kids – what the hell do you do all day, anyway?!” Call other guys’ wives. Flirt with them on the phone.

Homecoming Tips : 

Homecoming Tips First thing when you walk in the door, ask “Where’s the mail?” Second: “Where’s my dog?” Third: “Wow -- did you lose the vacuum cleaner again?” Fourth: “Mind if I watch the game for a few minutes before you start babbling to me?” Then: “Hey, babe, I bet you can’t wait to go to bed with me, eh?”

Respect : 

Respect Subscribe to the Victoria’s Secret catalog in your name. Tape a “top ten” on your bathroom wall. Laugh hysterically when she enters the room. When she asks what’s so funny, say “oh, nothing”. Give her a “Wife Support Form” with a list of performance goals you expect her to have. Set “milestones” you expect her to meet. Once a month, conduct written counseling. Focus on her weaknesses. Change her e-mail passwords. Print out her messages, but redact the parts that you don’t like.

Communication : 

Communication When she talks to you, read the newspaper. When she finishes, ask indignantly, “If you’re done, would you get me a sandwich?” Lie to her about everything. When she confronts you, lie more. Call her cute pet names, like “Orca”, “Queen Flatulence”, or “Hey, you”. Roll your eyes whenever she says she wants to “talk about us.”

The In-Laws : 

The In-Laws Whenever you watch a movie with an ugly, rude character, say, “That reminds me: have you talked to your mother lately?” When she asks to visit her parents house for the holidays, remind her “we were just there, in 1982, remember?” When you visit the in-laws, drink heavily. When her mother serves dinner, say “not this @#$! again!”

Slide 18: 

18 Marriage-Proofing Your Divorce Taking Important Steps Now to Gain Your Freedom!

Slide 19: 

19 Marriage-Proofing Your Divorce

Ask the Judge : 

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Ask the Judge™ : 

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