How do Trauma and Shame Connect

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Trauma and Shame : 

Trauma and Shame Pamela J. Merten MS, LPC Living Your Design Life Coaching & Counseling 414-430-3122

Slide 2: 

Trauma is painful.

The traumatic event is more painful because of : 

The traumatic event is more painful because of SHAME

Were you an infant? : 

Were you an infant?

Were you in grade school? : 

Were you in grade school?

Were you a teenager? : 

Were you a teenager?

Were you a young adult? : 

Were you a young adult?

Were you an adult? : 

Were you an adult?

Who did it? : 

Who did it? Your mom? Your dad? A grandparent? Your teacher? Your pastor? Your peer?

Slide 11: 

HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED WITH SHAME

Slide 12: 

The younger we were when it happened, the more we have internalized SHAME

Reminder: Shame & Guilt . . . : 

Reminder: Shame & Guilt . . .

Guilt : 

Guilt If I DO something wrong, I am guilty. Guilt does not attack my identity! It addresses my behavior.

SHAME : 

SHAME We feel shame for who we are. A person feels shame because he believes he IS something wrong. Shame attacks our identity – our sense of self.

Slide 16: 

GUILT “I lied. I am guilty for doing that.” SHAME “I AM a liar. I am worthless because I lied.”

BACK TO : 

BACK TO SHAME

Slide 18: 

You're not being a good Christian. Why can't you be a good boy? When are you ever going to grow up? The silent treatment We internalize SHAME I don't know why I ever wanted you!

We internalize, we “eat” shame! : 

We internalize, we “eat” shame! That’s because when we were younger, we did not know how to protect ourselves from it. . .

Slide 20: 

Hey, Dad! Just because you’re havin’ a bad day, don’t take it out on me!

Slide 21: 

“Shame is like everything else; live with it long enough and it becomes part of the furniture.” (Salman Rushdie)

We bring those negative beliefs into adulthood! : 

We bring those negative beliefs into adulthood! I am defective. I am impure, filthy, a mistake, flawed. I am unwanted, unloved. I am impotent, feeble. I am bad, despicable. I am nothing, worthless, invisible, empty.

The arrows ofshame continue toto spear us. . . : 

The arrows ofshame continue toto spear us. . .

Slide 24: 

Shame produces . . .

depression anxiety fear embarrassment physical illness jealousy excessive anger excessive sadness self-rejection

What does all of this have to do with . . . : 

What does all of this have to do with . . . TRAUMA

An traumatic event may trigger : 

An traumatic event may trigger SHAME

Trauma and Shame . . . : 

Trauma and Shame . . . If I had been stronger, he wouldn’t have done that to me: I am worthless. I shouldn’t have trusted her; I am stupid. If I had been there on time, he wouldn’t have died; I am a failure.

What helps? : 

What helps? Share your thoughts & feelings with someone who is trustworthy and empathic. Bring God into the situation as your advocate. Grieve losses caused by the traumatic event. EMDR – helps alleviate negative self-beliefs. Find a therapist who is trained in using this tool.

A traumatic experience is painful. : 

A traumatic experience is painful. Shame adds to that pain. Seek help! “Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)”