How can we listen better?

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Questions that inspire you to listen better. Research included.

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How can we listen better

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Question 1: How can we avoid to interrupt Question 2: Are you more introverted than extroverted Question 3: What do you value more: Listening or speaking Question 4: In your next conversation what do you plan to listen for Question 5: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say Question 6: How can you reduce your need to be right Question 7: How can we ask more and better questions Question 8: How can we stop doing other things when we listen to someone Question 9: How can you have more eye contact with the person you listen to Question 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language Question 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear Question 12: What can we do to not judge too early

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Question 1 How can we avoid to interrupt

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When you interrupt or when you plunge in too quickly to make yourself heard you are behaving impatiently. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening

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Be mindful that a pause even a long one does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Let the speaker continue in her or his own time. http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/

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Silence can buy you time to think. http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners

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Silence can be one of the most powerful forms of communication. https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/

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http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/ Close your mouth

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Question 2 Are you more introverted or more extroverted

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Further inspiration https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Introvert-and-extrovert-2037536

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Question 3 What do you value more: Listening or speaking

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Today will you decide to wear a learning lens or a lecturing lens https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2015/11/listening-learning-lens/

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To fully listen you must first believe it is a critical part of your job. https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/

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Some of us may have had early experiences in life where we were taught to be listeners instead of speakers. Some of us were taught that it was weak to listen that we need to speak up. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

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For most of my 20s I assumed that the world was more interested in me than I was in it so I spent most of my time talking usually in a quite uninformed way about whatever I thought rushing to be clever thinking about what I was going to say to someone rather than listening to what they were saying to me. http://www.lifechngr.com/business/productivity-creativity/8-successful-entrepreneurs-give-their-younger-selves-lessons-they-wish-theyd-known-then-fast-company-business-innovation/ Paul Bennett

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Further inspiration https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Questions-to-discover-your-values-1329394

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Question 4 In your next conversation what do you plan to listen for

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Before the talking begins skilled learners mentally review what they already know about the subject. Then they set a goal for what to listen for. http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/10/ready-to-learn-the-key-is-listening-with-intention/

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Examples of what to listen for:  Needs and wants.  Values.  Purpose.  Emotions.  Problems. https://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2016/02/21/five-things-that-go-up-when-leaders-listen/

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http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners 2 additional questions to ask yourself: 1. What is the purpose of the interaction 2. What do you think you can learn

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Question 5 What do you think about repeating what you heard using your own words

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Person A It’s impossible to work like this Person B What I hear is / if I understand you correctly you find it difficult to work in these conditions. Adapted from Kofman Fred: Conscious Business p. 157-158.

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The listener does not have to agree with the speaker - he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks the speaker said. This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood. Sources http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html https://hbr.org/2013/07/practical-tips-for-overcoming-r http://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/06/there-is-a-difference-between-listening-and-waiting-for-your-turn-to---speak-just-because-someone-can-hear-doesnt-mean-t.html

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Question 6 How can you reduce your need to be right

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Ability to pay attention Need to be right Kofman Fred: Conscious Business p. 156.

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When you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. That only creates tension. Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner. http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/

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There has to be a certain humility to listen well. Kevin Sharer https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Why_Im_a_listener_Amgen_CEO_Kevin_Sharer_2956

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Try to reassure the person you speak with that you empathize with what she / he is saying. http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

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Further inspiration https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Social-competence-1600674

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Question 7 How can we ask more and better questions

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By asking questions you can clarify what the person really needs. https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool

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Ask questions from a position of curiosity. http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm

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Examples of questions to ask  What do you think  How do you feel about it  Can you tell me more about that  What happened next  What does that really mean  How do you think that will go  Why did you say that Sources https://hbr.org/2013/03/for-real-influence-use-level-f https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool http://leaderchat.org/2012/09/03/3-tips-for-better-listening-and-the-one-attitude-that-makes-all-the-difference https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-better-listener-dr-travis-bradberry

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Further inspiration https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Question-types-1567673

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Question 8 How can we stop doing other things when we listen to someone

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Try to focus on what the other person is saying. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-better-listener-dr-travis-bradberry

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Effective listening requires our focused attention. To listen well eliminate all distractions. https://hbr.org/2015/02/how-great-coaches-ask-listen-and-empathize

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The human mind is unable to genuinely focus on 2 activities at once. Visible learning and the science of how we learn location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140

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Listen. That means do not multitask. I’m not just talking about doing email surfing the web or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts as multitasking. Simply focus on what the other person is saying. https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html

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The moment you remove your attention from a task you can expect no meaningful learning or skill development to take place. Visible learning and the science of how we learn location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140

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You can’t pick up on facial expressions if your gaze is down at your phone. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

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Question 9 How can you have more eye contact with the person you listen to

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By observing what a person gets energized about you can find out what she / he really wants to say. https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool

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Eye contact helps develop trust. Addis Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words. Rough Notes July 2008.

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Question 10 How do we listen well to a person’s body language

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Voice 38 Body language 55 impact Use of words 7 impact Sources http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian http://blog.doubleslash.de/richtige-kommunikation-im-softwareprojekt/

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When we remain silent we improve the odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we might have missed otherwise. https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/The_executives_guide_to_better_listening_2931

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Nonverbal cues could indicate what the speaker isnt saying. Often what she is not saying is as important as what she is. http://web.hbr.org/email/archive/managementtip.phpdate012810

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http://www.howcast.com/videos/218107-How-To-Be-a-Good-Listener

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Adopting words body postures positions and movements that are similar to the speaker will allow the speaker to relax and open up more. Sources http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener

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Question 11 What do you think about taking notes about what you hear

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When you notice something has blocked you from listening simply make a note of it and shift your attention back to what the other person is saying. https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/

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Once you write it down you have put it in your brain. http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf

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Further inspiration https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Learning-strategies-1487708

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Question 12 What can we do to not judge too early

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People can listen 3 – 5 times faster than they can talk. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

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Because a listener can listen at a faster rate than most speakers talk there is a tendency to evaluate too quickly. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/

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http://hbr.org/web/slideshows/difficult-conversations-nine-common-mistakes/1-slide

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Judgments and decisions should be reserved until after the talker has finished. At that time and only then review his main ideas and assess them. https://hbr.org/1957/09/listening-to-people/ar/1

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Instead of judging a person you listen to judge yourself: An idea might not strike you immediately but if you give it time and a little thought the idea could surprise you. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening

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Further inspiration http://www.7cupsoftea.com/ https://hbr.org/2015/02/everything-you-need-to-know-about-becoming-a-better-listener https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html http://online.wsj.com/articles/tuning-in-how-to-listen-better-1406070727 http://youtu.be/cSohjlYQI2A http://youtu.be/NjUic9WqLrg

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