100 Days Season 1 Episode 1

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Hello, and welcome to 100 Days of Awesome , starring the Tsvirkunov family! My plan is to write this as much like a reality TV show as I can. This may be hampered by the fact that I never watch reality TV… The 100 Days Challenge was created by Callista over at the old Boolprop; the only change I have made is to explicitly decide that it’s okay for Sims to go to school or work. (Callista was silent on that point.) Callista allowed one day for your CAS Sims to get settled in, but since the Tsvirkunovs are a pre-established family, I’m ignoring that.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): We decided to take turns getting up to answer the phone at midnight, and it’s my turn today.

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DESCARTES: Maximize a hobby? How do we do that? DESCARTES: What’s Free Time ? DESCARTES: Sure, I’ll hear the alternate task. DESCARTES: But there’s nobody in the house who can get a scholarship. You have to be a Teen. How about if we maximize an interest instead? DESCARTES: Awesome. We can do that.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): We’re going to need to maximize an interest today, but there’s nowhere to get a magazine at this time of night. I think I’m going to go do a little shopping for Abbey. She really had some issues with the whole transition-to-Elder thing.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): I don’t really know what she’d like, so I figure I’ll just buy one of everything. It’ll only come to thirty grand or so, which is nothing. At the very least, she’ll have something she can wear when she goes to pick out stuff for herself. Abbey really got the short end of the stick this transition. Oh -- and I have to remember to keep track of how long I spend shopping. How long is 4:30 to 6?

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PONG (V.O.): I thought Abbey’s outfit was okay. I mean, it could have been worse. Um.

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PONG (V.O.): I love Rebecca, I really do! Chemistry isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And with a little artificial help, gray hair will be a definite downer.

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PONG: Um, maybe I’ll be sure not to be alone with my mother-in-law for a little bit, though. The new wardrobe really helps. With that. Um. PONG: Will Rebecca be seeing this at all?

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ABBEY (V.O.): It was really sweet of Descartes to go and get me new clothes, but has the man never heard of mail order? Now I can’t spend the time at the library I’d like to.

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ABBEY (V.O.): I don’t always spend a long time at the library -- sometimes it only takes half an hour to pick out more books than I can carry. …There, that’s a good selection of magazines.

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REBECCA: Pong, do you have to drool over the centerfold like that? PONG: But it’s a fold-out of the Internal Revenue Service Supporting Organization 509(a)(3) Flowchart! REBECCA: Since when do you care about tax regulations? PONG: Come on, I’m trying to help out here.

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REBECCA: I completely changed my look after I was walking down the street and somebody called me “Marisa.” ( laughing ) Can you imagine that? Somebody thinking I was Marisa Bendett ? ( stops laughing suddenly ) Yeah, I couldn’t either.

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): How come I’m the one who has to build an interest in Toys? ABBEY (V.O.): Because you have zero interest in it. ANASTASIA (V.O.): Exactly! Why can’t I work on Paranormal, like you? ABBEY (V.O.): Because this will take longer, and that means you’ll get into fewer fights with the neighbors for spying on them. ANASTASIA (V.O.): Hey, if they don’t want me to see what they’re doing, they shouldn’t leave their curtains open!

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ANASTASIA: Hee hee hee! I just love that Goofus!* *Note from esmeiolanthe: “Goofus and Gallant” is a feature in Highlights , a popular children’s magazine in the States. It teaches kids good social behaviors by contrasting the polite, well-behaved Gallant with the inconsiderate Goofus.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): Did we manage it? ABBEY (V.O.): Anastasia did. DESCARTES (V.O.): What’d she max? ABBEY (V.O.): Toys.* DESCARTES (V.O.): That’s my girl! *Note from esmeiolanthe: I only just figured out how to take screenshots with this computer. When I took this one, the computer made a really nasty loud staticky sound and when I went back to my desktop, it was all messed up. There will be no more screenshots in this or any other story.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): This is a good day. Not only did we complete our first objective, but I made my LifeTime Want! Corrupted files , but it feels good to be a Space Pirate! ( reflectively ) Although in space, no one can hear you “Arrrrrrr!”

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ABBEY (V.O.): It was my turn to answer the phone today, and I have some ideas about how to accomplish our task. It’s a little early in the morning to put them into action, though.

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ABBEY: Does anybody here know Oakapple Couderc? PONG: Who? DESCARTES: Oh, you mean Cousin Oakapple? ’Lanthe, it’s been years since I talked to him. Why do you ask? ABBEY: Because he’s a Grilled Cheese Sim. Today’s objective is to talk about Grilled Cheese with a Sim you’ve never met and have the conversation accepted. DESCARTES: But Cousin Oakapple wouldn’t come over if I asked. I haven’t spoken to him in years. ABBEY: Neither have I. But I’ve run my Social down so that we can become friends in one phone call.

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ANASTASIA: Isn’t that weird? ( in a goofy voice ) “Hi, we never talked to each other before an hour ago, but you’re my new bestest friend in the whoooole world!” ABBEY: Don’t knock it; it works. REBECCA: How will that help? You’ll know him after that. ABBEY: Yes, but none of you kids do. I’ll invite him over, and one of you can talk to him about grilled cheese. PONG: But won’t one of us have to be Grilled Cheese to be able to initiate the conversation?

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ABBEY: Yes. Who has the lowest aspiration? REBECCA and ANASTASIA ( together ): Not it! PONG: I’m low green, Abbey. Will that work? ABBEY: That should do nicely, Pong. Thanks.

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PONG (V.O.): It, um. It feels really… weird. Like, um, have you ever put too much peroxide on your hair? Like that. But different. PONG: IIIIIIIIIIIII cooooouuuuuuld rrrrrrrrreaaaaalllllly goooooo foooooorrr aaaaaaaa griiiiiiiiiiilled cheeeeeeese saaaaaaaaandwiiiiiiich abbbbbbbbbbout noooooooooowwwww…!

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ANASTASIA: Come on, Mom! Aren’t you friends with him yet? ABBEY: Keep your hair on. ( into the phone ) Hi, Oakapple? Listen, do you want to come over?

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OAKAPPLE COUDERC: Where’s… Abbey? REBECCA: She had to go to work. Do you want a sandwich? OAKAPPLE: Well, I… Is that… grilled cheese?

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PONG: Was the grilled cheese good? I made it myself. I used a nice gouda on a foccacia bread, but I’m thinking that maybe an artisan bread would be better.

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OAKAPPLE: Really? You sound… just like my… husband. He’s always… going on about… different breads… and cheeses. But… I always say… you can’t beat a… nice pasteurized processed… cheese food sandwich. PONG: On white bread? OAKAPPLE: Wonder … Bread. And you… butter the pan. PONG: That sounds awesome! OAKAPPLE: It doesn’t get… any better!

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OAKAPPLE: Nice to meet… you, Pong. Any… time you want… to talk about… grilled cheese, you… give me a… call, okay? PONG: Sure. But I’m going to be switching back to Knowledge soon. OAKAPPLE: Doesn’t matter. You… appreciate grilled… cheese now. PONG: That is very true. You take care, now. OAKAPPLE: You… too.

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PONG (V.O.): It feels like… Like… Did you ever get your hair washed at the hairdresser’s? Like that. But different. PONG: Rebeeeeecca, is it okaaaaaay if I get abducted by aaaaaaliens toniiiiight…? REBECCA: Fine by me.

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DESCARTES (V.O.): What I like best about gardening is -- hey, where are you going? PONG: Auuuuuuugh! Fire! Fire! Firefirefire!

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PONG: Esme. Oh my Esme. REBECCA: Breathe… breathe…. Auuuuuuuuugh! Fire! Fire! Firefirefire! ANASTASIA: Auuuuuuuugh! Fire! Fire! Firefirefire!

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ANASTASIA: Auuuuuuuugh! Fire! Fire! Firefirefire! …Oh wait, it’s out. PONG: I thought we were going to die! REBECCA: Me too! ANASTASIA: Hey, Mr. Fireman, nice job there. Let me give you a little something for your trouble.

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PONG: No, I really thought we were going to die. That that was it, game over. REBECCA: So did I. But we’re not dead. And do you know what I’d like to do right now? PONG ( with much awkwardness ): Rebecca, there are cameras here!

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ANASTASIA: Today’s assignment is to woohoo a service Sim! This one has my name all over it! I am so glad I got that fireman’s number last night. He was hot. Wasn’t he hot? And he counts as a service Sim! ( laughs delightedly ) Oh man, this is going to be great!

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REBECCA: Um, Pong? I think I might be pregnant… ANASTASIA: Don’t be ridiculous. When you’re pregnant, you don’t keep your own pajamas. You’re just fat. PONG: Please don’t call my fianc ée fat. ANASTASIA: Okay, pleasingly plump. REBECCA: Pregnant . Ooooooo….

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REBECCA: ( vile and horrible vomiting noises ) A little privacy , please?!

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ANASTASIA: So I should call the fireman, right? PONG: If you want. What if he’s working? ANASTASIA: Good point. I’ll call for a maid, too. DESCARTES: What are you talking about? PONG: Today’s task. ANASTASIA: I’m going to date a service Sim. ( Rebecca vomits again ) DESCARTES: What’s wrong with Rebecca? PONG: Pregnant.

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ABBEY ( dubiously ): We kind of decided not to tell my husband exactly what today’s task was. He… wouldn’t take it well.

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DESCARTES: How could you do this? What were you thinking ? That’s my daughter , you bastard! PONG: Well, she is my fianc ée… DESCARTES: And I’m breaking the engagement! PONG: I don’t think you can do that… DESCARTES: I can do anything I want! I am made of Awesome ! You are a slimy scumbag! PONG ( with false bravado ): Well, I hope the baby takes after its granddad then. DESCARTES: Don’t talk to me about grandchildren!

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DESCARTES: What do you mean, I’m not taking it well? I’m taking it great! ABBEY: No you’re not. DESCARTES: Yes I am! Oooooh, how dare he touch my baby girl? ABBEY: She’s a grown woman now. And you would have done the same thing before we were married if I’d let you. DESCARTES: That’s not the point. This is my daughter !

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ABBEY (V.O.): Yeah, it’s probably for the best that we didn’t tell him about today’s task…

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): I’ve invited Abhijeet the fireman over this afternoon, just in case, but it’s in the bag with the maid. I mean, everybody knows what they’re like! DON PLATZ, THE MAID: Yeah, see, the thing about Man-Maid Lust ? It’s fiction. As in “not true.” I just clean stuff.

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): Okay, so that was a little tiny hiccup. But the fireman is a sure thing. I think his name is Abhijeet…

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REBECCA: We should probably get married today. PONG: Okay. REBECCA: It’ll probably make Dad feel better about the baby. PONG: That’s good. REBECCA: Plus, I don’t want to have to wear one of those hideous maternity wedding dresses. PONG: You’ll be beautiful no matter what. But some of those dresses are pretty awful.

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ANASTASIA: Say, do you use something special on your hands? They’re so smooth! Strong and smooth. I thought firefighters had lots of calluses. ABHIJEET MCCLELLAN, THE FIREMAN: Oh, I’ve got my share of calluses. But I use this “Bag Balm” stuff every night. ANASTASIA: Bag Balm? ABHIJEET MCCLELLAN: Yeah. You’ll never believe this, but it was developed for use on cow udders! ANASTASIA: Cow udders! Really? ( fondles Abhijeet’s hand again ) You’d never guess!

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): It’s going great, really. I think Abhijeet -- Abhijeet? Yeah, that’s right. I think Abhijeet is Romance too. ( confidently ) He’s kind of shy-acting sometimes, but I think he’s just playing hard-to-get.

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): No, no! He didn’t leave early! I had to get ready for my sister’s wedding! You have to do these things right! I’ll call him back over after. You’ll see. It’s just a lot of preparation, is all.

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REBECCA (V.O.): I don’t know who she is. She comes home with Dad sometimes. I think maybe they work together? But I have no idea what happened to her clothes. She was dressed when she got here. At least, I’m pretty sure she was. Wasn’t she?

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REBECCA: Thank you so much for coming! It was great to see you! REBECCA (V.O.): I mean, it’s not much of a wedding, getting married in the living room in a hurry before you need that maternity wedding gown, but you don’t want some weird old lady in underwear hanging around.

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ABBEY (V.O.): It was a very nice wedding. DESCARTES (V.O.): Hmmmph. ABBEY (V.O.): No, it was. ( fondly ) It reminded me of our wedding. You did the ceremony for that one, too. Remember? DESCARTES (V.O.): Yes, well. Ship’s captains can do that. It should have been earlier. ABBEY (V.O.) ( teasingly ): And do you remember why we were married in the living room? DESCARTES (V.O.): …Yeah, okay. Okay.

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DESCARTES: …Abbey didn’t believe in premarital woohoo. I got tired of waiting.

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): Why wouldn’t Dad go to bed? I know he was tired! And I can’t invite, er… Abhijeet over to woohoo him when Dad’s still awake! Or anybody! Dad’d probably wind up making me marry him!

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): It’s kind of weird that he’d like that, isn’t it? I mean, how can he feel it through all that rubberized canvas? Esme, that stuff tastes terrible ! But I could have handled that. I really could.

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ANASTASIA (V.O.): I guess I panicked? I mean, I was on a deadline. And what the system crash kind of a deadline is midnight, anyway? Why couldn’t it be something more reasonable, like six in the morning? I could totally have scored with him by six in the morning!

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ANASTASIA: I just don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. I’ve never had that problem before. Never. ANASTASIA: I’ll just have to do better next time, I guess.

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Score Missing EPs ( Free Time and Apartment Life ): 2 points Objectives accomplished on home lot: 2 Objectives accomplished on a community lot: 0 Total points: 4 Total points from last time: 0 GRAND TOTAL: 4 Days played: 3 out of 100

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Notes from esmeiolanthe To determine what objective the family has to complete on any given day, I use my D&D dice: the ten-sided die (0-9) is for the ones place and the percent die (00-90) is for the tens place. So if, for example, I roll a 30 on the percent die and a 1 on the ten-sided die, then the family needs to complete Objective #31. If I roll 00 on the percent die and 0 on the ten-sided die (for a result of 00+0), I count it as 100. Also, Bag Balm is a real product. It really was developed for cow udders, and it really is effective on a wide variety of body parts both human and animal, including hands.

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