Conflict

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By: sbh1971 (100 month(s) ago)

This is an excellent piece of thought process and penmanship tersely articulated to benefit all those who may have the good lucreat stuff. k of opening this masterpiece. G

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managing Conflict

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managing Conflict What is conflict? How can we manage conflict? How can we prevent conflict?

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managing Conflict What is conflict? Conflict is a situation whereby opposing whishes that cannot be fulfilled at the same time.

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Information/ Vision Expectations Loyalty Team Productivity Stability AUW! Disturbance of expectations SNAP! Quick solution (1) Quiet ending (2)Renewed energy (3) Checkmate (4) Renegotiate under stress (5) Planned ending Only right solution AUW!

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Managing Conflict Practical: How to renegotiate in a conflict situation.?

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Wish(2) Every wish exist because of an important necessity. We need to find and understand the necessities of both parties. A conflict starts when two whishes are opposing and cannot be fulfilled at the same time.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Necessity (1) Wish(2) Necessity (2) For the involved persons the wishes are so important, because they are a way for them to fulfill a necessity. In order to have a conflict there need to be a relation between the persons. Having a relation means that they have something in common.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish(2) Necessity (2) Common goal A common goal is something that both parties want to achieve. However in order to achieve this common goal they need to fullfill both their necessities. Without thinking about this common goal (expectations) and without voicing it again, it is not possible to find a solid solution for the conflict situation.

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1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal The first step in solving conflict is determining WHO hasthe conflict and WHAT TYPE of conflict it is. (internal or external) An internal conflict is a colision between two wishes of one person. An external conflict is a colision between the wishes of different persons.

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2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish(2) Necessity(2) Common goal The second step in solving conflict is to voice the opposing whishes. The opposing wishes can now be written down. If these two wishes cannot be fulfilled at the same time, then there is really a conflict

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3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish(1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish(2) Necessity (2) Common goal The third step in solving conflict is to voice the underlying necessity. A necessity is a underlying reason that act as the driving force, thus explaining why it is so important that the wish is fulfilled. Write necessities down.

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3 Questions to help discover the necessity Why do we want this? Because. . . What necessity to we attempt to fulfill with this wish? Why is this so important for us? Because . . . What shall fulfilling this wish bring/give us? What important necessities will be neglected if this wish is not met? What do we attempt to achieve with this wish? . . . . . . . . . . . . . Necessity (1) It is possible that there are more than one necessity. The third step in solving conflict is to voice the underlying necessity.

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4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal The fourth step in solving conflict is to voice the common goal. The common goal is a situation that both parties want to acheive. The common goal is not the solution to the conflict . It is only the common ground from where both parties understand that they can solve the conflict together. It is not the end, but the starting point.

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4 Questions that help discover the common goal Is there a situation that both parties would like to attain? Can a goal be found that both parties would like to achieve? In what kind of situation would both parties feel? What kind of situation would be realized when both parties have fulfilled there needs? . . . . . . . . . . . . . The common goal is not the solution, but a foundation on which can be worked towards a win-win solution. Common goal The fourth step in solving conflict is to voice the common goal. The common goal is a situation that both parties want to acheive.

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5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal The fifth step in solving conflict is to turn the below model around . Now we start to read it from the other side. We read: To achieve the common goal, it is important to fulfill both necessity (1) and necessity (2). In the same way to fulfill both necessities it is important to fulfill both wishes. However wish (1) is in conflict with wish (2).

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5 Please note that when we read the model like this, that the conflict is not anymore between persons, but between necessities and wishes. The personal and emotional aspect is minimized. The fifth step in solving conflict is to turn the below model around . Now we start to read it from the other side. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal

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5 It is possible that in this stage one of the parties realize that they have lost the common goal out of site and whishes to adjust their necessities and wishes. Yet most of the time, the next steps are necessary. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal The fifth step in solving conflict is to turn the below model around . Now we start to read it from the other side.

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6 The sixth step in solving conflict is to look at alternative methods to fulfill both needs. During this step both parties need to ask themselves: Is my wish the only way to fulfill my necessity? Both parties will look creatively for other alternatives to fulfill both needs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative For necessity (1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative for necessity (2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal

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6 Questions to help look for alternatives Is fulfilling my wish really needed to achieve my stated necessity? Is there another way to fulfill my necessity? Is it possible to fufill this necessity, while the other party gets what he/she wishes? It is important to focus on achieving the necessity and not on the wishes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative for necessity (1) The sixth step in solving conflict is to look at alternative methods to fulfill both needs.

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7 Sometimes it’s hard to find alternatives. A common reason is that it is difficult to separate wishes and necessities. In these cases it is needed to look deeper into reason why the wish exists, and if the presuppositions that have been made are correct. See if the presuppositions are really true Why is this wish needed to fulfill the necessity? Because . . . Why is it needed to have this wish? Because . . . The answers to these questions are presuppositions. Therefore the presuppositions need to be checked on their value. Presuppositions are statements why a certain wish is necessary to fulfill a necessity. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative for necessity (1)

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Presupposition Presupposition . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative For necessity (1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alternative for necessity (2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wish (1) Necessity (1) Common goal Wish (2) Necessity (2) Common goal

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7 Revealing presuppositions as wrong suppositions does not mean that the necessity is wrong, but revealing them helps to find alternative whishes. By revealing false presuppositions it is possible to reveal a stated necessity as a wish. The necessity can then be restated. Thus opening the way to look again for alternatives. Check the presuppositions. Sometimes they are not correct and therefore they form the wrong reason for a necessity and/or wish.

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1-7 Again the seven steps 1. Identify who has a conflict with whom. Is the conflict internal or external. 2. Identify the opposing wishes. Write them down and voice them. 3. Identify the necessities. Write them down and voice them. 4. Identify the common goal. Write them down and voice them. 5. Read now the model from the opposite direction 6. Look for alternative methods to fulfill the needs. 7. As a help for step 6, check if the presupposition are correct. Afterwards go back to step 6 to complete managing the conflict.

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The relation can be restored by renegotiating the expectations, thus making it again possible to work together as a team. This will be a solid basis for stability and productivity. Renegotiation of the expectations can happen by looking at the wishes, necessities and common goal. How to handle conflict? How to solve conflict ?

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managing Conflict

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Conflict Management exercise

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Choose one of the three subjects for your conflict management exercise: 1. Music in the divine service 2. Extra attention for children's ministry 3. Big or small cups at communion Work together through the conflict management model

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Music in the divine service The board has a proposal on the table to use praise songs besides the SDA hymnal. During the church board it comes to a conflict. Older person: We may only use SDA Hymnal, accompanied by the organ in the divine service Argument: Rock music is from the devil Younger person: We like to have modern song accompanied by a wide range of instruments in the service. Argument: Young people leave the church

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2. Extra attention for children's ministry: New equipment need to be bought to cater for children’s ministry. At the church board meeting it comes to a conflict. A parent: The church need to have more attention for the cildren. Argument: Children are the future of the church. Elderly persoon: There is enough attention for the children, the elderly are forgotten. Argument: Elderly have invested their whole life into the church, they deserve more care and attention.

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3. Big or small cups at communion: In the church board the proposal is on the table to only use small cups during communion. In the meeting it comes to a conflict. Someone against: We must keep using the big cup. Argument: Jesus passed the cup around to the disciples Someone in favor: We need to start using only small cups. Argument: hygiene

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1-7 Again the seven steps 1. Identify who has a conflict with whom. Is the conflict internal or external. 2. Identify the opposing wishes. Write them down and voice them. 3. Identify the necessities. Write them down and voice them. 4. Identify the common goal. Write them down and voice them. 5. Read now the model from the opposite direction 6. Look for alternative methods to fulfill the needs. 7. As a help for step 6, check if the presupposition are correct. Afterwards go back to step 6 to complete managing the conflict.

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