interpersonal relationship

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Slide 1: 

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION ICOMM 100 WEEK 7 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Slide 2: 

Your friend asks you for a loan of RM150 to pay off some bills. But you’ve never been paid back when you’ve lent money to friends in the past, and you simply don’t want to risk the same disappointment again. Yet you don’t want to lose this friend. Aside from a slight inability to manage money, your friend is a really wonderful person. What do you say?

What are Interpersonal Relationships? : 

What are Interpersonal Relationships? Associations between two people who are interdependent, who use some consistent patterns of interaction, and who have interacted for an extended period of time

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IPR include two or more people often, involve just 2 people Can also involve more than 2 people- a family unit, a group of friends, or a social group IPR involve people who are interdependent Interdependence refers to people’s being mutually dependent on each other & having an impact on each other

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Individuals in IPR use some consistent patterns of interaction patterns: may include behaviors generally understood across a variety of situations, as well as behaviors unique to the relationships Individuals in IPR generally have interacted for some time one- time interactions do not constitute interpersonal relationships However, IPR might last for varying lengths of time

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships : 

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships The need for inclusion The need for affection The need for control

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships : 

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships Some relationships are complementary relationships - In which each person supplies something the other person or persons lack

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Some relationships are symmetrical relationships In which the participants mirror each other or are highly similar The behavior of 1 person is reflected in the behavior of the other

The Dark Side of Interpersonal Relationships : 

The Dark Side of Interpersonal Relationships Obsession Misunderstanding Gossip Conflict Codependency Abuse

Friendships are Essential Interpersonal Relationships : 

Friendships are Essential Interpersonal Relationships Contribute to our well-being Can be based on shared activities or level of information shared Change over time Are perceived to improve as we develop

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Friendships are affected by psychological predispositions Six stage model for friendship development (Rawlins, 1992) Role- limited interaction Friendly relations Introduce a personal topic Nascent relationship Stabilized relationship Waning relationship

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Maintenance depends on intent of the relational partners Cultural differences in how friendships are defined

Developing Cross-Cultural Relationships : 

Developing Cross-Cultural Relationships Have meaningful personal interaction Maintain equal status Find ways to build interdependence Respect individual differences

The Stages in Interpersonal Relationships : 

The Stages in Interpersonal Relationships Relational Development – the process by which relationships grow Stage 1: Initiating Short beginning period of an interaction Involves first impression, find commonality

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Stage 2: Experimenting Occurs when 2 people have clearly decided to find more about each other Sharing personal information Stage 3: Intensifying Active participation, mutual concern & an awareness that the relationship is developing

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Stage 4: Integrating The 2 people start mirroring each other’s behavior in manner, dress and language Merge social circles, designate property & share interests & values Stage 5: Bonding When 2 people commit each other

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Relational Maintenance the process of keeping a relationship together Three dialectics Dialectic: the tension that exists between 2 conflicting/interacting forces, elements or ideas

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Integration/Separation The tension between wanting to be separate entities & wanting to be integrated with another person Stability/Change The tension between wanting events, conversations & behavior to be the same & desiring change Expression/Privacy The tension between wanting to self- disclose & be completely open & wanting to be private & closed

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Relational Deterioration the process by which relationships disintegrate Stage 1: Differentiating Occurs when 2 partners start emphasizing their individual differences instead of their similarities

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Stage 2: Circumscribing Decreased interaction, shorter times together & less depth to sharing Each person draws a circle around him/ herself (a circle that does not include the other person) The exchange of feelings, the demonstrations of commitment & the obvious pairing are disappearing

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Stage 3: Stagnating Lack of activity, especially activity together Interactions are minimal & only for convenience The 2 people find conversation & sharing awkward instead of stimulating Individual may find an outlet elsewhere Stage 4: Avoiding Reluctance to interact, active avoidance & hostility

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Getting in each other’s way, each seeing the other as an obstacle or a limitation The amount of their talk may increase but the content & intent are negative Stage 5: Terminating 2 people are no longer seen by others or themselves as a pair Increasingly dissociate, share nothing, claim common goods as individual property & give back or get rid of the symbols of togetherness

Motivations for Initiating Relationships : 

Motivations for Initiating Relationships Proximity The location, distance or range between persons & things Attractiveness Includes physical attractiveness, how desirable a person is to work with & how much “social value” the person has for others

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Responsiveness - We tend to select our friends & loved ones from people who demonstrate positive interest in us Similarity Our friends & loved ones are usually people who like or dislike the same things we do People in IPR often look, act or think similarly Complementarity We sometimes bond with people whose strengths are our weaknesses

Motivations for Maintaining Relationships : 

Motivations for Maintaining Relationships Co-cultural differences - affect how and why we maintain relationships Satisfying relationships The way we communicate affects how we maintain relationships Tips for longer marriage: i. Stubbornness ii. Distortion iii. Unconditional acceptance

Motivations for Terminating Relationships : 

Motivations for Terminating Relationships Hurtful messages Messages that create emotional pain or upset- can end a relationship Occur in most relationships Deceptive communication Deliberately making somebody believe things that are untrue

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Can also lead to relational dissatisfaction & termination People may tell familiar lies (stories that are manufactured & that they tell again & again) or unfamiliar lies (untruths that are constructed on the spot) Aggressiveness Occurs when people stand up for their rights at the expense of others & care about their own needs but no one else’s

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Might help you get your way a few times but ultimately others will avoid you & let their resentment show Argumentativeness Quality/ state of being argumentative Not verbally aggressive

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Defensiveness Occurs when a person feels attacked Strategies to promote defensiveness: evaluation: when an individual makes a judgment about another person or his/ her behavior Control: the speaker does not allow the second person to join in the discussion of how a problem should be solved

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iii. Neutrality: the originator of the message does not show concern for the second person iv. Superiority: when the first person treats the second as a person of lower status v. Certainty: lack of openness to alternative ideas vi. Strategy: the employment of manipulative & premeditative behavior

Slide 31: 

Strategies to reduce defensiveness: description: report their observations rather than offering evaluative comments Problem orientation: discuss multiple ideas Empathy: concern for others (content & intent) Equality: communicator demonstrates that he/ she is neither superior nor inferior to the second person Provisionalism: communicator does not communicate certainty or a total conviction, open to other ideas Spontaneity: naturalness & lack of premeditation

Essential Interpersonal Communication Behaviors : 

Essential Interpersonal Communication Behaviors Affectionate and supportive communication Affectionate: Can express using both verbal statements & nonverbal behavior Supportive: include giving advice, expressing concern & offering assistance Influencing others Influence: power that a person has to affect other people’s thinking or actions

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Compliance-gaining Attempt made by a source of messages to influence a target To perform some desired behavior that the target otherwise might not perform ii. Compliance-resisting When target of influence messages refuse to comply with requests

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Developing a unique relationship Personal idioms Unique forms of expression & language understood only by the people involved- expressed high relational satisfaction Rituals Formalized patterns of actions or words followed regularly- couple create a shared culture May become routine

Slide 35: 

Rituals characteristics of ritual in long- term IPR: couple- time rituals Idiosyncratic/ symbolic rituals Daily routines & tasks Intimacy rituals Communication rituals Patterns, habits & mannerisms Spiritual rituals

References : 

References De Vito, J. A. (2004). Human Communication: The basic course. (11th ed.). USA: Pearson Education, Inc. Pearson, J., Nelson, P., Titsworth, S. and Harter, L. (2008). Human Communication (3rd ed.). Singapore: McGraw- Hill

Class activity : 

Class activity Here are few questions that others might ask you. For each question, however, certain circumstances may make it difficult for you to respond fully or even truthfully: these are noted as the: “Thoughts” you have as you consider your possible answers. What would you do in each of these situations?

Slide 38: 

1. Question (A romantic partner asks:) Do you love me? Thoughts I don’t want to commit myself, but I don’t want to end the relationship, either. I want to allow the relationship to progress further before making any commitment.

Slide 39: 

2. Question (An interviewer says:) You seem a bit old for this type of job. How old are you? Thoughts I am old for this job, but I need it anyway. Further, it’s really illegal for the interviewer to ask my age. I don’t want to turn the interviewer off, because I really need this job. Yet I don’t want to reveal my age either.

Slide 40: 

3. Question (A 15- year- old asks) Was I adopted? Who are my real parents? Thoughts Yes, you were adopted, but I fear that you will look for your biological parents and will be hurt when you find that they’re drug dealers and murderers