Jaffe Chapter 3 Getting Things Straight

Working With the Ones You Love Chapter 3 Getting Things Straight :

Working With the Ones You Love Chapter 3 Getting Things Straight ENTR2200 Domenick Celentano

Why is Communication So Difficult:

Why is Communication So Difficult Role & Relationship Confusion The father asking daughter to get coffee? Lack of establishing rules at work differentiated from those at “home” Conflict resolution needs to address family and business history Relationship at work and “home” Is business conversation really addressing business issue or is it a surrogate for a family/personal issue?

Sources of Conflict:

Sources of Conflict Violation of Sense of Fairness Fair does not mean equal in business! Feeling Unacknowledged Parents have trouble seeing children as grown Lack of acknowledgment in family spills over to business feelings Feeling Powerless Family role overshadows one’s professional credentials ( junior, little brother, the kid ) Confusion of Family & Business Roles

Myths about Conflict Resolution:

Myths about Conflict Resolution He or she won’t change so there is nothing I can do Self fulfilling prophecy They just don’t care or they don’t want to do anything Is this reality or perception. Bad communications? Conflict is bad if people love each other Bad if conflict is suppressed Feelings have no place in business Extreme example since feelings are always present in business

Redesigning Relationships for Communications:

Redesigning Relationships for Communications Basic respect for each other Listen and learn about each other Allow each other to be different Preserve the relationship It is more important than the issue Requires understanding that: Business is a means to an end Not and end unto itself

Exercise: It May Not Be All His or Her Problem:

Exercise: It May Not Be All His or Her Problem What do I want from others? What are the issues? What is the history of conflicts and what happened to them? What are we avoiding? What is not understood about me? What do I most appreciate and value about others in the family? What am I most afraid of if I express my feelings?

Exercise: It May Not Be All His or Her Problem:

Exercise: It May Not Be All His or Her Problem What Issues Are at Stake Regarding Our Differences? History, Feelings, Things I want from Others? Would I give up anything in exchange for a better relationship with business family member? Am I consistently turning off or tuning out family? What makes it difficult to listen to other family members? Their behavior? My behavior?

How to Send Your Message:

How to Send Your Message Problems Start with the Sender – Defensive? Short Circuits – Not addressing how I feel Receiver Throws up Roadblocks Receiver discounts what you say First response is Negative Defensive Cycle Recurs Consider Using the “I” Word vs. “You” Some examples? Avoid starting with negatives Don’t end discussion because of other’s negative responses

Getting Into Deeper Issues:

Getting Into Deeper Issues Troubled Business = Troubled Family Business has the burden Replaying old issues Fix a family wrong Repetitious cycles Clues of old drama replaying Conflict Resolution Move from Business to Family Reality Virtually all stem from the family Can the solution be a family one vs. business Inability to forgive and just walk away 

Getting Into Deeper Issues Reflection Questions:

Getting Into Deeper Issues Reflection Questions How Are Family Roles Replayed? Do You Bring Other into the Conflict to Avoid Each Other? What Are Your Work Roles and How do You Interact? What can be done to give each other more “space”?

Developmental & Goal Conflict:

Developmental & Goal Conflict Stalled Decision Making emanates from Family Members not agreeing on goals and direction Family members don’t talk about personal goals and needs Family members focus is on right or wrong. It is not binary but lots of grey  Need to consider Inclusionary Diversity

Feedback & Evaluation:

Feedback & Evaluation Everyone is equal Not in business Family rules… we don’t criticize family Siblings have difficulty with evaluating one another Lack of independent credibility or no “legitimacy” It is my brother or sister NOT my superior! Family takes care of VS. criticize Outside feedback can be helpful Evaluations should be part of the job expectation

Feedback & Evaluation Techniques:

Feedback & Evaluation Techniques Mutual evaluations Self evaluation Focus on positive feedback Start w/what is positive about others first Performance criteria Not good or bad but more or less Focus on behavior vs. personality Myers Briggs is helpful for temperament Evaluations on regular basis http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In:

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In Think they have “married” into business Not sure of their family role and roles of others Have expectations of business that are not based on facts or reality

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In:

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In Creates a degree of instability Manifest in Triangulation Dad Son-in-Law Daughter

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In:

In-Laws Finding a Way to Fin In Spousal Communications Mostly one way husband to wife vice versa Family is best served addressing these issues with In-Laws: Family Rules Business Rules regarding In-Laws Boundaries regarding casual business involvement Perceived as owner when they visit business? How they are included in family communications with respect to the business

Family Feuds:

Family Feuds Family members more interest in being right vs. what is going on and compromise Compromise = Weakness! Hurting others is acceptable! Things are not fair!

Family Feuds Genesis:

Family Feuds Genesis Secrecy, Distrust & Avoidance Entitlement Lack of true performance evaluations Anyone can get into the business no matter what your capabilities are Silence Parents don’t take a stand Parents don’t communicate their expectations No “mediating” presence in family

Working With the Ones You Love Chapter 3 Getting Things Straight :

Working With the Ones You Love Chapter 3 Getting Things Straight ENTR2200 Domenick Celentano