1st ed Ian_Stewart,_Vann_Joines]_TA_Today_A_New_Introdu 1st edition

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T A Today A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis Ian Stewart Vann Joines

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A loday Ian Stewart PhD is Co-Director oi The Berne Institute Nottingham England. He is accredited by the European Association for Transac­ tional Analysis EATA and the In­ ternational Transactional Analysis Association ITAA as a Teaching and Supervising Transactional Ana­ lyst. He is also a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and a Master Practi­ tioner in Neuro-Linguistic Pro­ gramming. Ian was the 1998 recipi­ ent of the EATA Gold Medal awarded for "outstanding services to transactional analysis in Europe". Vann S. Joines PhD is a clinical psychologist and President of the Southeast Institute for Group and Family Therapy Chapel Hill North Carolina. Accredited by ITAA as a Clinical Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst he is the 1994 recipient of the Eric Berne Memorial Award in Transactional Analysis for the Integration of T A with Other Theories and Approaches. He is a Clinical Member and Approved Supervisor of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and a Member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association. Lifespace Publishing is a new publishing house specializing in transactional analysis and related areas of humanistic psychology and self-help. For contact addresses and ordering information please see overleaf.

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By the same authors: Personality Adaptations: A New Guide to Human Understanding in Psychotherapy and Counselling by Vann Joines and Ian Stewart Lifespace Publishing Nottingham and Chapel Hill 2002 FOR MORE INFORMATION SEE BACK PAGE Also by Ian Stewart: Transactional Analysis Counselling in Action 2 n d edition: Sage Publications London 2000 Key Figures in Counselling and Psychotherapy: Eric Berne Sage Publications London 1992 Developing Transactional Analysis Counselling Sage Publications London 1996 Ordering Information Lifespace books may be ordered from your bookseller or directly from Lifespac e Publishing at either the UK or US addresses given below. To check current prices please contact us at our UK or US addresses or visit: www.lifespacebooks.com. Ordering from UK: Lifespace Publishing Berne House 29 Derby Road Kegworth DE74 2EN England. Tel./fax 01509 674455 email uksaleslifespacebooks.com. Ordering from US: Lifespace Publishing 103 Edwards Ridge Chapel Hill NC 27517 USA. Tel. 919 929 1171 fax 919 929 1174 email ussaleslifespacebooks.com. Please send payment with your order or charge to Visa/MasterCard. If sending check please make payable to "Lifespace Publishing". If charg­ ing to Visa/MasterCard please give card number expiration date and signature or telephone orders on Visa/MasterCard to the numbers above.

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A Ne w Introduction to Transactiona l Analysis Lifespace Publishing Nottingham and Chapel Hill Ian Stewart Vann Joines

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Copyright © Ian Stewart and Vann Joines 1987. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic mechanical photocopying recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the Copyright holders. First published 1987 by Lifespace Publishing Nottingham England and Chapel Hill North Carolina USA. Reprinted 1998 1990 1991 with revisions 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1999 2000 2002 2003 2005 2006 2008. Made and printed in England by Russell Press Ltd. Nottingham. ISBN 1-870244-00-1 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data Stewart lan 1940- TA today : a new introduction to transactional analysis. 1. Transactional analysis. I. Title 11. Joines Vann 1582 RC489.T7 Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Stewart Ian 1940- TA today. Bibliography: p. Includes index. 1. Transactional analysis. 1. Joines Vann. II. Title. RC489.T7S74 1987 616.89145 87-16977

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CONTENTS Preface / xi Part I INTRODUCING TA /. What TA Is/3 Key ideas of TA 3 The philosophy of TA 6 Part II PICTURING PERSONALITY: The Ego-State Model 2. The Ego-State Model /11 Examples of ego-state shifts 12 Definition of ego-states 75 Are ego-state distinctions real 16 Ego-states and superego ego id 17 Ego-states are names not things 18 The over-simplified model 18 3. Functional Analysis of Ego-States / 21 Adapted Child and Free Child 22 Controlling Parent and Nurturing Parent 25 Adult 26 Egograms 26 4. The Second-Order Structural Model / 30 Second-order structure: Parent 31 Second-order structure: Adult 33 Second-order structure: Child 34 Distinguishing structure from function 36 5. Recognizing Ego-States / 39 Behavioral diagnosis 39 Social diagnosis 43 Historical diagnosis 44 Phenomenological diagnosis 45 Ego-state diagnosis in practice 45 The executive and the real Self 46

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6. Structural Pathology / 50 Contamination 50 Exclusion 53 Part III COMMUNICATING: Transactions Strokes and Time Structuring 7. Transactions / 59 Complementary transactions 60 Crossed transactions 62 Ulterior transactions 65 Transactions and non-verbals 68 Options 69 8. Strokes/72 Stimulus-hunger 72 Kinds of strokes 73 Stroking and reinforcement of behavior 74 Giving and taking strokes 75 The stroke economy 78 The stroking profile 81 Self-stroking 82 Are there good and bad strokes 84 9. Time Structuring / 87 Withdrawal 88 Rituals 88 Pastimes 89 Activities 90 Games 91 Intimacy 93 Part IV WRITING OUR OWN LIFE-STORY: Life-Scripts 10. The Nature and Origins of Life-Script / 99 Nature and definition of life-script 99 Origins of the script 101 11. How the Script is Lived Out /107 Winning losing and non-winning scripts 107 The script in adult life 110 Why script understanding is important 113 The script and the life course 115

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12. Life Positions /117 Life position in adulthood: the OK Corral 119 Personal change and the OK Corral 122 13. Script Messages and the Script Matrix / 125 Script messages and the infants perception 125 Kinds of script message 125 The script matrix 128 14. Injunctions and Decisions / 134 Twelve injunctions 134 Episcript 140 How decisions relate to injunctions 141 Antiscript 145 15. Script Process / 14S Six process scripts 148 Combinations of process themes 152 Origins of process script 152 freaking out of process script patterns 153 16. Drivers and the Miniscript /155 How to detect driver behavior 155 Primary driver 158 Drivers and process script types 159 Drivers and life position 162 The five allowers 163 Origins of drivers 163 The miniscript 164 The four myths 167 Part V MAKING THE WORLD FIT OUR SCRIPT: Passivity 17. Discounting /173 Nature and definition of discounting 173 Grandiosity 174 The four passive behaviors 175 Discounting and ego-states 77 7 Detecting discounts 178 18. The Discount Matrix /181 Areas of discounting 181 Types of discounting 181 Levels modes of discounting 182

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The discount-matrix diagram 182 Using the discount matrix 185 19. Frame of Reference and Redefining / 18H The frame of reference 188 Frame of reference and the script 190 Nature and function of redefining 190 Redefining transactions 191 20. Symbiosis / 194 "Healthy v. unhealthy symbiosis 198 Symbiosis and the script 199 Symbiotic invitations 200 Second-order symbiosis 201 Part VI JUSTIFYING OUR SCRIPT BELIEFS: Rackets and Games 21. Rackets and Stamps / 207 Rackets and script 210 Racket feelings and authentic feelings 212 Racket feelings authentic feelings and problem-solving 214 Racketeering 215 Stamps 217 22. The Racket System / 220 Script Beliefs and Feelings 220 Rackety Displays 224 Reinforcing Memories 226 Breaking out of the Racket System 228 23. Games and Game Analysis / 231 Examples of games 231 Sweatshirts 234 Different degrees of games 234 Formula G 235 The Drama Triangle 236 Transactional analysis of games 239 The Game Plan 240 Definitions of games 241 24. Why People Play Games / 244 Games stamps and script payoff 244 Reinforcing script beliefs 245

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Games symbiosis and the frame of reference 245 Games and strokes 248 Bernes six advantages 248 Positive payoffs of games 249 25. How to Deal with Games / 251 Need we name the game 251 Some familiar games 251 Using Options 254 Disowning the negative payoff 255 Replacing game strokes 257 Part VII CHANGING: TA in Practice 26. Contracts for Change / 260 Steiners four requirements 260 Why use contracts 261 Making an effective contract 263 27. Aims of Change in TA 7266 Autonomy 266 Becoming free from the script 267 Problem-solving 268 Views of cure 268 28. TA Therapy / 271 Self-therapy 271 Why therapy 271 Characteristics of TA therapy 273 Three schools of TA 274 29. TA in Organizations and Education / 278 Differences between EO and clinical applications 278 Organizational applications 279 T A in education 281 30. How TA Has Developed / 283 Eric Berne and the origins of TA 283 The early years 285 The years of expansion 286 International consolidation 287

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APPENDICES A. Books by Eric Berne / 291 B. Other Key Books on TA / 293 C. Winners of the Eric Berne Memorial Scientific A ward / 295 D. TA Organizations / 297 E. Training and Accreditation in TA / 299 F. Course Outline of the Official 101 / 303 NOTES AND REFERENCES / 306 BIBLIOGRAPHY / 320 GLOSSARY/ 326 INDEX / 337

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PREFACE In this book we introduce you to the current theory and practice of transactional analysis TA. We have presented the material in a way that will be useful to you whether you are learning about T A on your own or taking part in a taught course. If you are an independent reader meeting T A for the first time we hope you will appreciate the books informal and conversational style. We have used examples liberally to illustrate points of theory. If you are reading the book as background to an Official TA 101 course in TA you will find coverage of the full 101 syllabus. T A today is international. We hope that the readership of this book will also be international. With this in mind we have chosen language and examples that will be familiar to people all over the world. The exercises When we are teaching T A courses we run frequent exercises along with the taught material. Each block of teaching is followed immediately by a relevant exercise. We find that this is the most effective way of letting students practice and reinforce the theoretical ideas. In this book we follow the same pattern. Exercises are incorporated in the text. Each exercise comes immediately after the related theory. To get most benefit from the book do each exercise as you come to it. We signal exercises by a printers blob and a change to a different typeface. • When you see this style of print you are reading an exercise. Do it as soon as you come to it. Then go on to the next block of teaching. The end of the exercise is shown by the same sign as you saw at the beginning. • We suggest you keep a loose-leaf notebook in which you can compile your responses to the written exercises together with the other thoughts and ideas you bring to mind while reading the book. This will help you learn TA in the most effective way possible — by using it for yourself. What this book is and is not When you have read this book through and completed the exercises you will certainly know a lot more about yourself than you did when you xi

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TA Today started. You may also find you can use this knowledge to make some changes in your life which you had been wanting to make. If so congratulations. But this book is not intended as a substitute for therapy. If you have substantial personal problems you are advised to seek out a reputable therapist who can give you the expert personal attention you need. T A therapists encourage their clients to learn the ideas of TA . If you decide to enter TA therapy you can use this book as a source of that learning. If your wish is to provide T A therapy or services to others this book will likewise be useful to you as your first introduction to the basic ideas of TA. But this basic knowledge does not qualify you to offer professional help. To be accredited as a TA practitioner you have to complete prescribed hours of advanced study practical experience and supervision. You must pass the examinations set by TA accrediting organizations. We give more details of these in Appendix E. Our theoretical approach The material we present here represents the broadly accepted mainstream of present-day TA theory. In a basic text it would not be appropriate to explore areas at the cutting edge of T A theorizing areas that are still controversial. Yet T A today is very different from the T A of ten years ago. There are some important concepts now at the very heart of the T A mainstream that Eric Berne had never heard of by the time he died in 1970. One of our main enthusiasms in writing this book is to present these new ideas to you. Berne was an innovator above all. We think he would have applauded the way in which T A practitioners have continued to innovate. There has also been a less desirable current of change in T A thinking and writing dating from the earliest years of the discipline. We mean the trivialization of some of TAs original and most fundamental ideas. Berne wanted TA to be accessible to everyone. He chose to use simple words to describe his thinking. Though the words were simple the ideas were complex and subtle. As T A attained the dubious status of a pop psychology in the 1960s some writers took advantage of TAs surface simplicity to present it in an over-simplified version. TA has not yet fully recovered from the damage done during those years. Despite the fine work of TA writers and practitioners over two decades the image of TA as a superficial cook­ book psychology has proven hard to shake off. In writing TA Today our objective has been to correct that false image. We have aimed to describe TA theory in its original subtlety and depth without sacrificing any of the clarity or simplicity in language which Berne prized so much. xii

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Preface This is true above all of the foundation of TA theory the ego-state model itself. In his original work Berne emphasized again and again that ego-states had a time dimension. Parent and Child were both echoes of the past. Adult was a response to the here-and-now using the persons full grown-up resources. All three of the ego-states entailed thinking feeling and behaviors. There is a world of difference between this and the later trivialized version of the model which proclaims: Adult is thinking Child is feeling Parent is oughts and shoulds. In this book we return to Bernes original formulation of the ego- state model. We have used it as a consistent base for the explanation of other areas of theory. Cases and names Wherever we give case illustrations the names used are fictitious. If they bear any relationship to the real name of any person this is purely by chance. Thanks and acknowledgements Our expert reader was Erika Stern PhD of the Department of Counseling Studies University of Utrecht The Netherlands. Its difficult to imagine anyone who could have been better qualified for the task. She made available to us her acute understanding not only of T A but also of other psychological approaches. She is herself an accomplished editor. And being multi-lingual she was able to alert us to uses of language that would have posed problems to readers who are not native speakers of English. In all these ways Erika has made a major contribution to this book. Our lay readers were Andrew Middleton PhD and Christine Middleton. They commented on the manuscript from their viewpoint as new learners of TA. They drew our attention to passages where we had assumed that because we knew the map other people would not need signposts. They pointed out where our explanation was overdetailed or repetitive and did a fine job in suggesting clarifications. Andy and Christine have had a great influence on the final shape of the book. Richard Erskine PhD and Marilyn Zalcman MSW ACSW read the draft chapter on the Racket System and made valuable suggestions for re-wording. Jenni Hine MAOT provided current data on TA organizations. Emily Hunter Ruppert ACSW suggested the collaboration in authorship of which this book is the result. We gratefully acknowledge the permission of the following authors lo use copyright material originally published in the Transactional Analysis Journal or Transactional Analysis Bulletin issues as shown: John Dusay MD for the Egogram: TAJ 2 3 1972. xiii

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TA Today Franklin Ernst Jr MD for the OK Corral: TAJ 1 4 197E Richard Erskine PhD and Marilyn Zalcman MSW ACSW for the Racket System: TAJ 9 1 1979. Taibi Kahler PhD for the Miniscript: TAJ 4 1 1974. Stephen Karpman MD for the Drama Triangle: TAB 7 26 1968. Jim McKenna MSW for the Stroking Profile: TAJ 4 4 1974. Ken Mellor Dip. Soc. Studs. and Eric Sigmund for the Discount Matrix: TAJ 5 3 1975. Your comments please We intend this book to be the standard basic textbook of TA from now on. As it goes through successive editions we plan to update it so that each edition will merit its title of TA Today. We ask you for your help in this project. Will you let us have your critique and feedback Are there any places where you think we could have been more clear Anything youd have liked to see in the book that we do not have in Anything we do have in that youd have liked to see out Did you find any factual blunders anachronisms incongruities All of them wed like to hear about. And if there are features of our book you particularly like wed value hearing about those too. Please contact us in care of Lifespace Publishing either at Nottingham England or Chapel Hill USA. You can find full addresses on the page of ordering information at the back of the book. Ian Stewart and Vann Joincs June 1987 xiv

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Chapter 1 WHAT TA IS Transactional analysis is a theory of personality and a systematic psychotherapy for personal growth and personal change. Thats the definition of TA suggested by the International Transactional Analysis Association. 1 In fact TA today is all this and much more. Among psychological approaches transactional analysis is outstanding in the depth of its theory and the wide variety of its applications. As a theory of personality TA gives us a picture of how people are structured psychologically. To do so it uses a three-part model known as the ego-state model. The same model helps us understand how people function — how they express their personality in terms of behavior. T A also provides a theory of communication. This can be extended to give a method of analyzing systems and organizations. T A offers a theory of child development. The concept of life-script explains how our present life patterns originated in childhood. Within the framework of life-script TA develops explanations of how we may continue to re-play childhood strategies in grown-up life even when these produce results that are self-defeating or painful. Thus T A gives us a theory of psychopathology. In the area of practical applications TA does indeed offer us a system of psychotherapy. It is used in the treatment of all types of psychological disorders from everyday living problems to severe psychosis. It provides a method of therapy for use with individuals groups couples and families. Outside the therapeutic field TA is used in educational settings. It helps teachers and learners to stay in clear communication and avoid setting up unproductive confrontations. It is particularly suitable for use in counseling. T A is a powerful tool in management and communications training and in organizational analysis. Among the many other applications of TA are its uses by social workers police and probation authorities and ministers of religion. T A can be used in any field where there is a need for understanding of individuals relationships and communication. Key ideas of TA There are a few key ideas which form the foundation of T A theory. They 3

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TA Today serve to distinguish TA from any other psychological system. In the coming chapters we shall examine all these ideas in detail and illustrate them by examples. Here they are first in summary. We suggest you simply read this section through to become acquainted with the terms and general ideas. The ego-state model PAC model Most basic of all is the ego-state model. An ego-state is a set of related behaviors thoughts and feelings. It is a way in which we manifest a part of our personality at a given time. The model portrays three distinct ego-states. If I am behaving thinking and feeling in response to what is going on around me here and now using all the resources available to me as a grown-up person I am said to be in my Adult ego-state. At times I may behave think and feel in ways which are a copy of one of my parents or of others who were parent-figures for me. When I do so I am said to be in my Parent ego-state. Sometimes I may return to ways of behaving thinking and feeling which I used when I was a child. Then I am said to be in my Child ego- state. Note the initial capital letters. They are always used when we want to indicate that we are referring to the ego-states Parent Adult Child. A small letter beginning the word shows we mean a real-life parent adult or child. The ego-state model is often known alternatively as the P-A-C model after these three initial letters. When we use the ego-state model to understand various aspects of personality we are said to be employing structural analysis. Transactions strokes time structuring If I am communicating with you I can choose to address you from any one of my three ego-states. You can reply in turn from any one of your ego-states. This exchange of communications is known as a transaction. The use of the ego-state model to analyze sequences of transactions is referred to as transactional analysis proper. The word proper is added to show that we are talking about this branch of T A in particular rather than TA as a whole. When you and I transact I signal recognition of you and you return that recognition. In T A language any act of recognition is called a.stroke. People need strokes to maintain their physical and psychological well- being. When people arc transacting in groups or pairs they use time in various specific ways which can be listed and analyzed. This is th e analysis of time structuring. 4

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What TA Is Life-script Each of us in childhood writes a life-story for himself or herself. This story has a beginning a middle and an end. We write the basic plot in our infant years before we are old enough to talk more than a few words. Later on in childhood we add more detail to the story. Most of it has been written by the age of seven. We may revise it further during adolescence. As grown-ups we are usually no longer aware of the life-story we have written for ourselves. Yet we are likely to live it out faithfully. Without being aware of it we are likely to set up our lives so that we move towards the final scene we decided upon as infants. This unaware life-story is known in TA as the life-script. The concept of life-script ranks with the ego-state model as a central building-block of TA. It is especially important in psychotherapeutic applications. In script analysis we use the concept of life-script to understand how people may unawarely set up problems for themselves and how they may set about solving those problems. Discounting redefining symbiosis The young child decides on a life-script because it represents the best strategy that the child can work out to survive and get by in what often seems a hostile world. In our Child ego-state we may still be believing that any threat to our infant picture of the world is a threat to the satisfaction of our needs or even to our survival. Thus we may sometimes distort our perception of reality so that it fits our script. When we do so we are said to be redefining. One way of ensuring that the world seems to fit our script is to selectively ignore information available to us about a situation. Without conscious intention we blank out the aspects of the situation that would contradict our script. This is called discounting. As a part of maintaining our script we may sometimes get into relationships as grown-ups which re-play the relationships we had with our parents when we were children. We do this without being aware of it. In this situation one of the partners in the relationship plays the part of Parent and Adult while the other acts Child. Between them they function as though they had only three instead of six ego-states available. A relationship like this is called a symbiosis. Rackets stamps and games As young children we may notice that in our family certain feelings are encouraged while others are prohibited. To get our strokes we may decide to feel only the permitted feelings. This decision is made without conscious awareness. When we play out our script in grown-up life we continue to cover our authentic feelings with the feelings that were 5

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TA Today 6 permitted to us as children. These substitute feelings are known as racket feelings. If we experience a racket feeling and store it up instead of expressing it at the time we are said to be saving a stamp. A game is a repetitive sequence of transactions in which both parties end up experiencing racket feelings. It always includes a switch a moment when the players experience that something unexpected and uncomfortable has happened. People play games without being aware they arc doing so. Autonomy To realize our full potential as grown-ups we need to update the strategies for dealing with life which we decided upon as infants. When we find that these strategies are no longer working for us we need to replace them with new ones which do work. In TA language we need to move out of script and gain autonomy. The tools of T A are designed to help people achieve that autonomy. Its components are awareness spontaneity and the capacity for intimacy. It implies the ability to solve problems using the persons full resources as a grown-up. The philosophy of TA T A rests upon certain philosophical assumptions. These are statements about people life and the objectives of change. 2 The philosophical assumptions of TA are: People are OK. Everyone has the capacity to think. People decide their own destiny and these decisions can be changed. From these assumptions there follow two basic principles of TA practice: Contractual method. Open communication. People are OK The most fundamental assumption of TA is that people are OK. This means: you and I are both have worth value and dignity as people. I accept myself as m e and I accept you as you. This is a statement of essence rather than behavior. At times I may not like nor accept what you do. But always I accept

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What TA Is what you are. Your essence as a human being is O K with me even though your behavior may not be. I am not one-up to you and you are not one-up to me. We arc on a level as people. This is true even though our accomplishments may differ. It is true even though we may be of different race age or religion. Everyone has the capacity to think Fveryonc except the severely brain-damaged has the capacity to think. Therefore it is the responsibility of each of us to decide what he or she wants from life. Each individual will ultimately live with the consequences of what he or she decides. Decisional model You and I are both OK. We may sometimes engage in not-OK behavior. When we do we arc following strategies we decided upon as young children. These strategies were the best ways we could work out as infants to survive and get what we wanted from a world which may have seemed hostile. As grown-ups we still pursue these same patterns at times. We may do this even though the results are unproductive or even painful for us. Even when we were young children our parents could not make us develop in one particular way rather than another. They could certainly exert strong pressures on us. But we made our own decisions whether to comply with these pressures to rebel against them or to ignore them. For us as grown-ups the same is true. We cannot be made to feel or behave in particular ways by others or by the environment. Other people or our life circumstances may exert strong pressures on us. But it is always our own decision whether to conform to these pressures. We are responsible for our own feelings and behavior. Any time we make a decision we can change that decision later. This is true of the early decisions we make about ourselves and the world. If some of these infant decisions are producing uncomfortable results for us as grown-ups we can trace the decisions and change them for new and more appropriate decisions. Thus people can change. We achieve change not merely by insight into our old patterns of behavior but by actively deciding to change those patterns. The changes we make can be real and lasting. on tractual method II you are a TA practitioner and I am your client then we take joint responsibility for achieving whatever change I want to make. This follows from the assumption that you and I relate on equal 7

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TA Today terms. It is not up to you to do things to me. Nor do I come to you expecting you will do everything for me. Since we both take part in the process of change it is important that we both know clearly how the task will be shared. Therefore we enter into a contract. This is a statement of the responsibility of each party. As client I say what I want to change and what I am willing to do in order to bring about that change. You as practitioner confirm that you are willing to work with me in this task. You undertake to use the best of your professional skills in doing so and say what recompense you want from me in return for your work. Open communication Eric Berne insisted that the client as well as the practitioner should have full information about what was going on in their work together. This follows from the basic assumptions that people are OK and that everyone can think. In TA practice case notes are open to the clients inspection. The practitioner encourages the client to learn the ideas of TA . Thus the client can take an equal role in the process of change. To help in communication the ideas of T A are expressed in simple language. Instead of the long Latin- or Greek-derived words customary in some other branches of psychology TA speaks in familiar words: Parent Adult Child game script stroke. Some people have assumed that this straightforward language must reflect superficial thinking. Their view is mistaken. Though TAs language is simple its theory is profound and closely reasoned. 8

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Chapter 2 THE EGO-STATE MODEL Think back over Ihe past twenty-four hours of your life. Were there moments during that time when you acted thought and felt just as you did when you were a child Were there other times when you found yourself behaving thinking and feeling in ways you copied long ago from your parents or from other people who were parent-figures for you And were there still other occasions when your behavior thoughts and feelings were simply a direct here-and-now response to what was happening around you at that moment On these occasions you responded as the grown-up you now are rather than dipping back into your childhood. • Take time now to write down at least one example of each of these three ways of behaving plus thinking plus feeling which you recall from the past twenty-four hours. • You have just completed your first exercise in using the ego-state model. Lets consider what you have just done. You examined three different ways of being in the world. Each of these consisted of a set of behaviors thoughts and feelings. When I am behaving thinking and feeling as I did when I was a child I am said to be in my Child ego-state. When I am behaving thinking and feeling in ways I copied from parents or parent-figures I am said to be in my Parent ego-state. And when I am behaving thinking and feeling in ways which are a direct here-and-now response to events round about me using all the abilities I have as a grown-up I am said to be in my Adult ego-state. Often in everyday T A practice we say simply that I am in my Child in my Parent or in my Adult. Putting the three ego-states together we get the three-part ego-state model of personality which is at the heart of TA theory. It is conventionally pictured as the set of three stacked circles shown in Figure 2.1. Because the three ego-states are often labeled with their initial letters the model is alternatively known as the PAC model. This simple version of the diagram in which the three ego-state 11

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TA Today Parent ego-state behaviors thoughts and feelings copied from parents or parent figures. Adult ego-state behaviors thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here-and-now. Child ego-state behaviors thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood. Figure 2.1 First-order structural diagram: The ego-state model circles are not subdivided is called a first-order structural diagram. We shall meet the more detailed second-order diagram in a later chapter. The process of analyzing personality in terms of ego-states is called structural analysis. Examples of ego-state shifts Jane is driving her car along a road crowded with traffic. Second by second she is observing the position and speed of other vehicles around her. She is looking out for road signs. She controls her own car in response to what is going on round about her here and now. Jane is in her Adult ego-stale. Just then another driver passes Jane and cuts in sharply in front of her. For a fraction of a second Jane feels scared that the two cars will crash. She flashes a glance at her driving mirror sees the road behind is clear and slows slightly so that the crash is avoided. All the time she has stayed in her Adult ego-state. Her feeling of scare was an appropriate response to the here-and-now danger helping her body react more quickly in order to avoid a collision. Now with the other driver vanishing up the road ahead Jane shakes her head and purses her lips in disapproval. Turning to her passenger she 12

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The Ego-Slate Model says: Drivers like that ought not to be allowed on the road At this moment Jane has moved into her Parent ego-state. When she was little she had often sat beside her father as her drove his car and watched him as he showed his disapproval of other drivers errors by shaking his head and pursing his lips in just this way. A minute or two later Jane pulls off the road at her office. Looking at her watch she sees that because of the heavy traffic she is late for an important meeting with her boss. Her heart sinks and for a moment she feels panic-stricken. Now Jane has shifted into her Child ego-state. She has contacted old memories of arriving at school late and feeling scared of the punishment she imagined she might get from her schoolteacher. Her feeling of panic is a response to these old memories not to anything that is likely to happen in her grown-up situation. At this instant Jane is not consciously aware that she is re-playing her childhood. If you were to ask her Does this situation remind you of anything in your childhood she might then bring that old schoolroom scene back to conscious memory. Alternatively she might have buried those painful recollections so thoroughly that she would not be able to remember them immediately. She might have to take longer even perhaps go into therapy if she wanted to bring those deeper memories back into consciousness. As she now re-experiences her childhood feelings and thoughts Jane also shows some behaviors which she first showed all these years ago as a schoolgirl. Her heart races. She lifts her hand to beside her mouth and widens her eyes. From close up you would be able to see that she has broken out into a light sweat. Then after a moment or two Jane thinks to herself: Wait a minute What am I getting scared of My boss is a reasonable woman. Shell understand why Im late. Anyway we can make up the lost time by taking a bit off the coffee break. Jane is back in her Adult ego-state. Her passenger sees her relax and take her hand away from her mouth. Janes lace breaks into a smile and she laughs. Her laugh is the laugh of the grown-up woman she is. It sounds quite different from the nervous giggle of a scared child. • Before reading further go back to the examples you have noted of when you were in Child Parent and Adult ego-states during the past twenty-four hours. Child ego-state Think of each time you were in your Child ego-state. Note down what feelings you experienced. It may help if you role-play the occasion to yourself. Record next what you were thinking. Often you can get most easily t o Child thoughts by asking yourself: What was I saying to myself inside 13

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TA Today 14 my head Explore what you were saying inside your head about yourself about other people and about the world in general. Lastly note down how you were behaving while you were in Child. A good way is to role-play yourself in Child while sitting in front of a mirror. Check that these feelings thoughts and behaviors were re-plays of how you felt thought and behaved when you were a child. You may even be able to identify which past occasions you were re-playing. What age were you on each of these occasions Parent ego-state In the same way note down the set of related feelings thoughts and behaviors for each time you were in your Parent ego-state. Again role- play the occasion if you like. You can often get to Parent thoughts most readily by asking yourself: What do I hear my mother or father saying inside my head Or perhaps the voice you hear inside your head may belong to another relative like an aunt uncle or grandparent or to a schoolteacher. Check that on those occasions when you were in Parent you were copying your behaviors thoughts and feelings from your actual parents or parent-figures. You will probably find it quite easy to identify the specific person you were copying on each occasion. Adult ego-state Finally record the sets of related behaviors thoughts and feelings which you have identified with the times when you were in your Adult. To distinguish Adult from Child or Parent ask yourself: Was this behavior or thought or feeling appropriate as a grown-up way of dealing with what was going on round me at that present moment If the answer is yes then note that response as Adult. • You may find that for these occasions when you were in Adult you are able to list behaviors and thoughts but not feelings. For much of the time we can deal effectively with here-and-now reality without experiencing feelings. However we can and do feel emotions at times while in Adult. How can you tell Adult from Child feelings Adult feelings are appropriate as a way of dealing with the immediate situation. Recall Janes moment of scare as the car cut too close in front of her. Her emotional reaction sharpened her responses helping her to avoid an accident. If you have not met the idea of ego-states before you may be in doubt whether some thoughts feelings or behaviors you listed were Adult as compared to Child or Parent. If so dont worry. As you read on and complete more of the exercises you will have plenty of opportunity to develop this important skill of distinguishing between ego-states. For a healthy and balanced personality we need all three of our ego-

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The Ego-State Model states. We need Adult for the here-and-now problem-solving that enables us to tacfde life in a competent effective way. To fit comfortably into society we need the sets of rules we carry in our Parent. In our Child ego-stale we have access again to the spontaneity creativity and intuitive power we enjoyed in our childhood. Definition of ego-states Eric Berne defined an ego-state as a consistent pattern of feeling and experience directly related to a corresponding consistent pattern of behavior. 2 Berne was exact in his choice of words. Its worth while taking some time now to be clear what he was conveying in this definition. First Berne is saying that each ego-state is defined by a combination of feelings and experience which consistently occur together. For instance when Jane realized she was late for her meeting she began to experience memories of feared punishment from her childhood. As she did so she felt panicky. If you were to ask Jane about this she would confirm that while re-experiencing her childhood in this way she consistently also feels these childhood emotions. All the memories Jane has of her childhood experiences plus the feelings that go with them are classed as belonging in Janes Child ego-state. Next Berne is suggesting that the behaviors typical of each ego-state are consistently shown together. If I observed Jane over some time I would be able to confirm that she shows three separate sets of behavioral signals. One set defines her Adult another her Parent and another her Child. The signals making up each set are consistently shown together. There is a clear and consistent difference between one set and another. For instance when Jane widens her eyes and begins to sweat lightly while her heartbeat speeds up its predictable that she will also lift her hand to somewhere near her mouth. These signals make up part of the set which defines Janes Child ego-state. Were I to observe Jane for some lime I would be able to list a whole range of other behaviors which also belong in that set. For instance Jane may also tilt her head to one side and start waggling her foot. When she speaks her voice may be high and quavering. I could go on to make up similar lists of the behaviors that consistently signal Janes Adult and Parent ego-states. Now lets return to Bernes definition and focus on the phrase directly related to. Berne is saying that when I am in touch with the feelings and experience defining a particular ego-state I will also be showing the behaviors which define that same ego-state. For instance while Jane is experiencing her childhood memories of being late for school and feeling 15

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TA Today the panic she felt then she will also show the set of behaviors she showed as a child. The behaviors are directly related to the feelings and experience and together they mark off Janes Child ego-state. The whole point of the ego-state model is that it allows us to make reliable connections of this kind between behavior experience and feelings. If you see me showing the consistent set of behaviors that mark off my Child ego-state you can reliably suppose that I am also re-playing experiences and feelings from my childhood. If you see me change my behavior and begin showing the signals which define my Adult ego-state you can reasonably assume that my experience and feelings are those of a grown-up person responding to the here-and-now. When I outwardly show behaviors that I copied from my parents you can predict that I will internally be re-playing feelings and experience I also copied from them. • Go back now to the personal examples you noted of being in your own Child Parent or Adult ego-states during the past twenty-four hours. Check whether the feelings and thoughts you noted for your Child ego-state make up a set which hangs together consistently for you. Check whether the behaviors you noted for your Child ego-state also make up a consistent set. Check whether your Child behaviors are consistently associated with your Child feelings and thoughts. Carry out the same three steps for your Parent and for your Adult behaviors thoughts and feelings. Compare the three sets of behaviors thoughts and feelings you have noted as defining your three ego-states. Check whether the three sets are distinctively different one from another. • Are ego-state distinctions real By completing the exercises in this chapter so far you have been able to check whether your own behaviors feelings and experiences hang together in the way the ego-state model suggests. But what evidence is there that the model applies to people generally To collect this evidence we need to use methods of observing people which keep the observers pre-conceived ideas out of the picture as far as possible. We need to analyze the results in a way that allows us to judge whether they could have arisen by mere chance. When we have chosen appropriate methods of observation and analysis we need to use them to investigate two questions. 1 Do people show three consistent and clearly distinguishable sets of behaviors that correspond to our definitions of the three ego-states 2 Do the persons reported experience and feelings correlate with 16

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The Ego-State Model the sets of behavioral clues in the way we would expect from the model There is now a substantial body of observational work that supports the answer yes to both these questions. Its outside the scope of this book to describe these studies in detail. You can follow them up if you wish from the References list for this chapter. 3 Ego-states and superego ego id The three-way division of personality in the ego-state model reminds us of another famous three-part model. Sigmund Freud suggested the existence of three psychic agencies: superego ego and id. Its obvious that the two models are similar. At first sight the Parent looks like the judgmental superego which observes orders corrects and threatens. The Adult has similarities to the reality-testing ego. And the Child seems to resemble the id home of uncensored instincts and drives. The resemblance between the two models is not surprising given that Berne was trained initially as a Freudian analyst. But some commentators have gone further and suggested that Bernes Parent Adult and Child are merely trivialized versions of Freuds three psychic agencies. In this they are mistaken. In his early writings Berne was at pains to point out the differences between his model and that of Freud. First and most important: the Parent Adult and Child ego-states are each defined in terms of observable behavioral clues. By contrast the superego ego and id are purely theoretical concepts. You cannot look at me or listen to me and judge whether I am in my superego. But you can judge by observation whether I am in my Parent ego-state. Next the ego-states relate to persons with specific identities while Freuds three psychic agencies are generalized. When a person is in her Parent ego-state she is not just acting in a way that is generally parental. She is re-enacting the behaviors feelings and thoughts of one of her own parents or parent-figures. When she is in Child she will not simply be behaving in a childlike manner. She will be reproducing behaviors she performed during her own childhood along with their accompanying Feelings and experience. The Parent Adult and Child ego-states will each include influences from superego ego and id. Berne pointed out that someone in Parent will be reproducing the parents total behavior including her inhibitions her reasoning and ... her impulses. Adult and Child ego-states likewise entail their own inhibitions reasoning and impulses. Berne built upon Freuds model by adopting Paul Federns idea of ego-states i.e. distinct states in which the ego is manifested at a given lime. He further classified these into three behaviorally observable ego- slates which he labeled Parent Adult and Child. Freuds model and the ego-state model are not one and the same 17

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TA Today 18 thing. Neither do they contradict each other. They arc simply different ways of portraying personality. 4 Ego-states are names not things You cannot put an cgo-statc in a wheelbarrow. You cannot weigh it nor touch it. You cannot find it in any particular location in the body or brain. This is because an ego-state is not a thing. Instead it is a name which we use to describe a set of phenomena i.e. a set of related feelings thoughts and behaviors. In the same way Parent Adult and Child are not things. They are names. We use these three words as labels to distinguish the three different sets of feeling-thinking-behaving which you have met in this chapter. Quite often in everyday T A practice people talk about ego-states as if they were things we have. You may hear statements like: My Kid wants some fun or You have a strong Adult. The trouble with talking this way is that we may slip into believing that ego-states have some kind of existence of their own separate from the person we are talking about. Of course this isnt so. Its not that my Kid wants some fun. / want some fun and I may be in my Child ego-state while I want it. Its not that T have a strong Adult. Rather. / have a good ability to do the things that are usually associated with the Adult ego- stale like reality-testing and assessing probabilities. Throughout this book we avoid the habit of talking as though ego- states were things. We suggest that you do the same. The over-simplified model After Games People Play became a best-seller in the mid-1960s TA became in part a pop psychology. Certain writers and speakers jumped on the commercial bandwagon. To make TA an even more marketable commodity they watered down some of Bernes original ideas. They emphasized features that were striking and immediately obvious. They left out the aspects that required deeper thought or closer observation. It was in this period that an over-simplified version of the ego-state model became current. That trivialized model is still with us. It has been at the root of endless misunderstanding both among TA people themselves and among professional observers from other fields. In this section we take a look at the over-simplified model. We do NO T suggest that you use it. It will NO T be used at any point in this book. We present it here solely because you are likely to meet it in some earlier T A literature. You will also discover it in the thinking of many people

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The Ego-State Model who learned their TA during that heady time of the 1960s. What does the over-simplified model suggest It says merely: When Im thinking Im in Adult. When Im feeling Im in Child. When Im making value-judgments Im in Parent. And thats it Small wonder that professional observers from outside TA hearing this model presented as TAs main building-block have asked in bewilderment: Ts this all there is Having read this chapters account of what the ego-state model actually says you may be wondering whether the over-simplified model bears any resemblance at all to the actual version. The fact is that there are resemblances. The over-simplified model presents some of the typical characteristics of each ego-state. But it misses out other characteristics that are essential to the model. Lets look first at the grains of truth in the over-simplified model. How is it similar to the actual model You know that when I am in my Adult ego-state I am responding to the here-and-now with all the resources available to me as a grown-up. Usually this entails some kind of problem-solving. I am likely to experience myself as thinking. Someone observing my behavior would probably interpret it by saying I am thinking. If I go into Child I begin re-playing behaviors feelings and thoughts from my own childhood. Children especially young ones deal with the world mainly from a feeling position. Therefore when Im in Child I will most often experience myself as feeling. At these times anyone observing me would likely confirm I seemed to be expressing feelings. When I am in Parent I am copying my behaviors thoughts and feelings from a parent or parent-figure as that person appeared to me in my own childhood. To a child parents appear to spend a lot of their time laying down rules about what ought and ought not to happen or issuing judgments about how the world is. So for a lot of the time when I am in Parent I will be doing what my parents did and making value-judgments about oughts and shoulds. It turns out then that the over-simplified model gives us some simple first clues to recognizing ego-states. When I am in Adult I will often be thinking. In Child I will often be into feelings. And when Im in Parent I will often be making value-judgments. But these obvious clues to ego-states fall far short of giving us a full description of each ego-state. The over-simplified model completely omits to mention that I can think and feel and make value-judgments from any of my ego-states. An even more serious fault of the over-simplified model is that it says nothing about the time dimension of ego-states. Again and again Berne emphasized that Parent and Child are echoes of the past. In Child I am replaying behaviors thoughts and feelings from my own past — my childhood. When I am in my Parent ego-state I am engaging in 19

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TA Today behaviors thoughts and feelings which I copied in the past from my parents and parent-figures. Only when I am in my Adult am I responding to situations with all my present resources as a grown-up. With that brief look we turn away from the over-simplified model. It was fine as a topic for lightweight books and after-dinner speeches. But it did not give much clue to what TA is really about. From now on in this book we stay with Bernes original version of the ego-state model. .II

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Chapter 3 FUNCTIONAL ANALYSIS OF EGO- STATES In this and the next chapter we go on to build more detailed versions of the ego-state model. These view ego-states in terms of either structure or function. A structural model shows what there is in each ego-state. A functional model divides the ego-states to show us how we use them. Putting the same idea in more formal language: a structural ego-state model is concerned with the content of ego-states. A functional model is concerned with their process. STRUCTUR E WHAT CONTENT. FUNCTIO N HOW PROCESS. The functional model is probably easier to understand at first acquaintance so we will look at that first. 1 It is pictured in Figure 3.1. Controlling Parent Adapted Child Nurturing Parent Free Child Adult Figure 3.1 Functional analysis of ego-states 21

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TA Today Adapted Child and Free Child Imagine that I am in my Child ego-state. I am behaving thinking and feeling just as I used to in my childhood. For a lot of the time when I was a child I was adapting to the demands of parents or parent-figures. I had learned that in order to get by I had better be polite to the neighbors even though I might not have liked them very much. When I needed to wipe my nose I used my handkerchief instead of my sleeve even though the sleeve might be more convenient. Very early on in my life I had worked out that Father liked me better when I was quiet so when he was around I was mostly quiet. Mother liked me to laugh and didnt seem to like me crying or getting angry. So when I was with Mother I laughed most of the time even when sometimes I was sad and wanted to cry or angry and wanted to shout at her. Now as a grown-up I often re-play these ways of behaving that I decided on as a child so as to fit in with what my parents expected. When I do so I am said to be in the Adapted Child part of my Child ego-state. There were other times in my childhood when I rebelled against these rules and expectations that my parents seemed to be setting for me. When Fathers back was turned I made rude faces at the neighbors little girl next door. And sometimes when I was on my own I gave my nose a really good wipe on my sleeve just because I was so tired of using that handkerchief. There were even days when I felt so bad about always having to laugh when Mother was around that I made a point of sulking all day just to show her. . When I behaved in these ways it was as if I was taking my parents rules and turning them around backwards. Instead of adapting to their expectations I was doing as much of the opposite as I could. In grown-up life I may still be rebelling in ways like these. Quite often I may not be aware that my behavior is a rebellion. When the boss gives me a tough work assignment I may discover that I dont have enough time to get it finished by the deadline. In fact I have as much time as anybody ever has twenty-four hours in each day. Telling the boss I didnt get the job finished I may feel an obscure satisfaction that says Thatll show you When I was four years old I may have felt the same rebellious satisfaction as I showed Mother she couldnt make me eat that last potato on my plate. When I engage in this kind of rebellion I am nevertheless still responding to childhood rules. Therefore I am said to be still in the Adapted Child ego-state. Some earlier T A writers portrayed rebellion in a separate ego-state division which they called the Rebellious Child. You may still find the name in some modern sources. In this book we shall follow the more usual current practice and regard rebellion as part of the Adapted Child 22

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Functional Analysis of Ego-States set of behaviors. There were times in my childhood when I behaved in ways which were independent of parental pressures. At these times I was neither adapting to my parents expectations nor rebelling against them. I was simply acting as I myself wanted to. When my pet mouse died I cried because I was sad. When my little sister pushed me I got angry and pushed her back. I enjoyed many hours of reading stories and learning how to do jigsaw puzzles not to please my parents but just for myself. When I am in my Child ego-state as a grown-up I may sometimes behave in these uncensored childhood ways. At these times I am said to be in the Free Child part of my Child ego-state. Sometimes the alternative name of Natural Child is used to describe this ego-state part. In the functional model then the Child ego-state is divided into Adapted Child and Free Child. In the picture of the ego-state model we show this by dividing the Child circle in two see Figure 3.1. Positive and negative Adapted Child As grown-ups we are all in Adapted Child a fair amount of the time. There are thousands of rules we follow about how to live and be accepted in the world. In everyday living we dont think consciously about these rules before deciding to follow them. Before I cross the road I look right and left in the way my father and teachers insisted I do when I first went to school on my own. When Im at table during a dinner party and want the vegetables I say please. As a child I learned to do this as if it were automatic because I correctly learned that people would judge me rude if I didnt. And if they judged me rude I would take longer to get the vegetables. Our Adapted Child behaviors may work for us in ways like these. By replaying these rule-following patterns we often get what we want comfortably for ourselves and other people. And we save a great deal of mental energy. Just imagine what it would be like if you had to think out your table manners afresh every time you sat down at the table We can speak of positive Adapted Child to describe these productive ways of behaving from our Adapted Child ego-state. Some writers use the alternative phrase OK Adapted Child. By contrast we are said to be in negative or not-OK Adapted Child when we replay childhood patterns of behavior which are no longer appropriate to our grown-up situation. As a young child I may have learned that a powerful way to get attention from Mother and Father was to sulk. Now as a grown-up I may sometimes still sulk in the hope of getting what I want. When I do so I ignore my grown-up option of simply asking for what I want directly. Or 1 ma y have decided as a child that it wasnt safe to make any kind of show of myself in front of people. Maybe I got slapped down by Mother 23

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TA Today for showing off. Perhaps my playmates teased me when I had to recite in class. Now as a grown-up asked to speak in public I may turn red stammer and stutter while I feel embarrassed and think to myself Im no good as a speaker In here-and-now reality I am perfectly capable of speaking and the situation carries no risk for me. All of us for some of the time display negative Adapted Child patterns of behavior. Later in the book you will learn why this is. An aim of personal change in T A is to replace these old outdated patterns with new ones which make full use of our grown-up options. Positive and negative Free Child Free Child behaviors too can be classed as positive OK or negative not- OK. To say I am in Free Child means I am engaging in behaviors from my childhood that pay no attention to Parental rules or limits. Sometimes these can be productive and life-enhancing for me as a grown-up and so are classed as positive. For instance suppose that as a child I decided to adapt to my parents by never showing I was angry. In grown-up life without realizing it I may have been following the same strategy. Bottling up my anger I may have become depressed or physically tense. Then perhaps in the course of therapy I decide to let myself express how angry I feel. Beating furiously on a cushion I at last mobilize the uncensored Free Child energy I have been hanging on to for all these years. Im likely to find afterwards that I feel better and more relaxed physically. In a similar way many of us reach grown-up life still hanging on to unexpressed Child feelings of grief scare or desire for physical contact. When we express these emotions in a safe situation we engage in positive Free Child behavior. There are other times when Free Child behavior is clearly negative. If I belch loudly at a formal dinner-party I am satisfying my uncensored Child urges. But the social consequences will probably be more uncomfortable for me than if I had held down the belch. At a more serious extreme I might engage in the negative Free Child behavior of driving a motor-cycle at full speed along a crowded road endangering my own life and that of others. • Think back through the past twenty-four hours. Make a note of occasions when you were in positive Adapted Child. What were your behaviors on each occasion Do you recall what childhood situations you were replaying Do the same for occasions when you were: in negative Adapted Child in positive Free Child in negative Free Child. Take one minute to write down all the words you can think of to describe someone in positive Adapted Child. If you are working in a 24

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Functional Analysis of Ego-States group brainstorm for a minute with someone writing the words up. Do the same for someone in: negative Adapted Child positive Free Child negative Free Child. • Controlling Parent and Nurturing Parent For some of the time when I was a child my parents were telling me what to do controlling me or criticizing me . Go to bed Dont run out into the road Blow your nose That s clever silly good naughty fair not fair... When I behave in ways which copy my parents in this role I am said to be in Controlling Parent sometimes called Critical Parent. At other times my parents were caring for me or looking after me. Mother might cuddle me. Father might read me bedtime stories. When I fell and cut my knee one of my parents would comfort me and bring the bandages. When I replay the behaviors my parents showed when they were looking after me I am said to be in Nurturing Parent. We diagram this two-way division in the functional Parent by dividing the ego-state circle in two in the same way as we did for Child see Figure 3.1. Positive and negative Controlling and Nurturing Parent Some T A writers distinguish positive and negative subdivisions in each of these parts of the Parent. Again the terms OK and not-OK are sometimes used instead. They would say we are in positive Controlling Parent when our Parental directives to others are genuinely aimed at protecting them or promoting their well-being. A doctor might command his patient: Stop smoking Its bad for you. He is re-playing the kind of command he got from his parents when he was small: Dont walk out on the road in front of the cars Negative Controlling Parent describes Parental behaviors which entail a put-down discount of the other person. The boss who snarls to his secretary: Youve made a mistake againV may be reproducing the tones and gestures of the irritable schoolteacher who said the same to him when he was in class at six years old. Positive Nurturing Parent implies caring which is provided from a position of genuine regard for the person helped. Negative Nurturing Parent means that help is given from a one-up position that discounts the other person. A positive Nurturing Parent behavior might be to say to a workmate: Do you want help with that job If you do let me know. The negative counterpart might be to walk up to him and say: Here Ill help you with that take the work out of his hands and complete it for him. The smother-mother is the classic example of negative Nurturing Parent behavior. 25

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TA Today • Thinking back through your day note occasions when you showed Controlling Parent towards others. On which of these occasions were you coming from positive Controlling Parent Negative Controlling Parent Do you recall which parent or parent-figure you were copying each time Do the same for times in the day when you were showing positive or negative Nurturing Parent. Take one minute to write down all the words you can think of to describe someone in positive Controlling Parent. In a group brainstorm for a minute. Do the same in turn for: negative Controlling Parent positive Nurturing Parent negative Nurturing Parent. Adult The Adult in the functional model is usually not subdivided. We class any behavior as Adult which is a response to the here-and-now situation using all the persons grown-up resources. We have now assembled the whole of the functional model. You can review it in Figure 3.1. If I want to say which functional ego-state part you are using I have to judge from your behavior. For that reason these functional subdivisions can alternatively be called behavioral descriptions. Egograms How important is each of these functional ego-state parts in your personality Jack Dusay has devised an intuitive way of showing this. He calls it the egogram. 1 To make an egogram you begin by drawing a horizontal line. Label it along its length with the names of the five main functional ego-state parts. To save spelling them out in full use their initial letters. Thus Controlling Parent becomes CP Free Child becomes FC and so on. Draw them in the order shown on Figure 3.2. The idea is to draw a vertical bar above each ego-state label. The height of the bar shows how much of the time you use that functional part. Start with the part you judge you use most and draw its vertical bar. Next take the part you think you use least and draw its bar. Make the relative heights of the two bars fit your intuitive judgment of the relative amounts of time you spend in each part. Figure 3.2 26

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Functional Analysis of Ego-States Figure 3.3 For instance if I judge I am in Adult most and Nurturing Parent least I might draw my first two bars as in Figure 3.3. Now complete the cgogram by drawing in the other three bars. Make Ihe height of each one represent the relative time you spend in that functional ego-state part. My completed cgogram might look like Figure 3.4. Figure 3.4 27

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TA Today The exact height of each bar is not important. What matters is the relative height of each bar as compared to the others. Jack Dusay did not suggest dividing up the bars into positive and negative parts but it can be interesting to do so. You can shade in a part of the bars for CP NP FC and A C to show negative. This leaves the rest of the bar showing positive. For instance I believe that most of my time in Adapted Child is spent in positive rule-following. When I behave in uncensored Free Child ways most of these behaviors also lead to comfortable and productive outcomes. I am not often in Nurturing Parent but when I am I hardly ever smother people in a negative way. I am often in Controlling Parent. Most of this Controlling Parent time is spent in positive ways of directing others. My final egogram looks like Figure 3.5. Figure 3.5 • Go ahead and draw your own egogram. If you are working in a group share your ideas with another group member as you draw. Work quickly and by intuition. What do you learn about yourself Some people find that one egogram fits them in every situation. Others find they need to draw two or even more different egograms. Perhaps they will have a work and a home egogram. If this is true of you go ahead and draw each one. What do you learn 28

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Functional Analysis of Ego-States Explain egograms to someone who knows you well. Ask this person to draw your egogram. What do you learn by comparing their version with your own • The constancy hypothesis Jack Dusay suggested a constancy hypothesis: When one ego-state increases in intensity another or others must decrease in order to compensate. The shift in psychic energy occurs so that the total amount of energy may remain constant. The best way to change my egogram says Dusay is to set about raising the part I want to have more of. When I do so energy will automatically shift out of other parts I want to have relatively less of. Suppose I look at my egogram and decide I would like to be more in Nurturing Parent and less in Controlling Parent. I begin practicing more Nurturing Parent behaviors. Perhaps I offer someone a back-rub once each day. Or at work I experiment with making open offers of guidance instead of ordering people to do things. I dont make any attempt to cut down on my Controlling Parent behavior. By the constancy hypothesis I can expect this will go down anyway as I put more energy into Nurturing Parent. • Is there anything you want to change about your egogram If there is decide which bar you need to raise to achieve this change. List at least five new behaviors which you can practice to increase this ego-state part. Make a point of doing these behaviors in the week following. Then re-draw your egogram. If possible get a re-drawn egogram from the person who knows you well. Do not tell them which changes you aimed to make in the egogram. Does your new egogram fit the constancy hypothesis - I

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Chapter 4 THE SECOND-ORDER STRUCTURAL MODEL In the last chapters functional model we divided the ego-states up to indicate how they were shown in behavior — their process. Now in looking at the second-order structural model we examine what the ego- states have in them — their content. Right from the moment I am born I am experiencing the world. I store those experiences away in memory. Do we actually record every moment of our life experience somewhere in memory Have we the potential to recall all of it Nobody knows for sure. Nor is it clear yet how the storage is accomplished. We do know that everyone retains memories of their past. Some can be brought easily back into awareness. Others are more difficult to recover. Memories of early childhood especially may only come back to us in dreams and fantasies. Each one of us has an uncountable number of experiences of thoughts feelings and behaviors stored away in memory. The purpose of the second-order structural model is to classify these memories in a useful way within our familiar framework of ego-states. If you like you can think of the second-order structural model as a kind of filing system. Imagine a businessman sitting at his desk. Each day he deals with many different pieces of paperwork — letters in replies out bills staff records and so on. At the end of the days work he doesnt just throw all these bits of paper randomly into a sack on the floor. He stores them away systematically in his filing system. Its obvious why he does so. By means of the filing system he can organize his records in a way that is useful to his business. Suppose for instance that he needs to draw up his financial accounts. He simply needs to go to the file labeled bills and there are the records of all his outgoings ready for the accountant. In just the same way the TA practitioner uses the second-order structural model to file away a persons memory traces of thoughts feelings and behaviors in a way that will be useful in his understanding of personality through structural analysis. 1 The second-order structural model is pictured in Figure 4.1. How does it operate as a filing system As children all of us receive messages from our parents. For each message we receive we have a certain way of thinking about it and certain 30

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The Second-Order Structural Model Parent P 2 Introjected parents and parent-figures each with his/her own Parent Adult and Child ego-states. Identity and number will vary with the individual. Adult A 2 Adult is not subdivided Parent in the Child Magical Parent Child C 2 Adult in the Child Little Professor Child in the Child Somatic Child Figure 4.1 Second-order structural model fantasies which we form in relation to that message. We have feelings which we experience about the message and we make a decision about what we will do in response to it. In addition our parents may give us reasons why the message is important. They may convey feelings which imply a covert message additional to the one they arc conveying overtly. In the second-order structural model the messages we received from our parents or parent-figures are filed away in P 3 . The reasons they gave us for why they are important are stored in A 3 . Any secret or covert implications are stored in C 3 . Our own thinking about the messages becomes part of our A 2 content. The fantasy we formed about what would happen if we did or did not lollow these messages becomes part of P. The feelings we have in response to our fantasy are stored in C 1 and our early decision about what we will do comes from A. In the following sections we look in more detail at each of these filing compartments in the model. Second-order structure: Parent You already know that the Parent ego-state means the entire set of thoughts feelings and behaviors which you have copied from parents and parent-figures. Thus in the structural model the content of the Parent is 31

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TA Today defined as the set of memory traces of these parental thoughts feelings and behaviors. In formal language we say that these are parental introjects. To introject something is like swallowing it whole instead of chewing and digesting it. Typically this is what children do with their parental modeling. A child experiences her parents for a lot of the time as issuing commands and defining the world. So the content of the Parent will consist largely of these commands and definitions. Dont put your hand in the fire. Its wrong to steal. The world is a good bad beautiful scary place. Along with the words go memories of the gestures tones and emotional expressions that went with them. In the second-order structural model we first divide the Parent according to whom each remembered message came from. For most people this will be Mother or Father. Maybe grandparents were also important figures. Teachers often play apart. The number and identity of the people who gave you your Parent content are unique to you. Next we register that each of your parent-figures had a Parent Adult and Child ego-state. This gives us the second-order picture of the Parent shown in Figure 4.1. Notice that the whole Parent ego-state is conventionally labeled P 2 in this diagram. Different TA writers have used different ways of labeling the P A and C subdivisions in P 2 . Here we call them P 3 A 3 and C 3 . Parent in the Parent P 3 My father had a whole set of slogans and commands which he had introj ecte d from his own parents. H e passed some of these on to me and I stored them away in my Parent along with those I got from my mother. In this way the Parent in the Parent is a storehouse of messages which may be passed down through generations. For instance Scottish parents may tell their children: Porridge will make you strong and you should eat all of it up every morning. You can imagine their remote ancestors dressed in skins saying the same to their children as they stirred the pot in their cave each morning. Adult in the Parent A 3 We picture the Adult in the Parent as being the collection of statements about reality which a person has heard from the figures in her Parent and has copied from them. Many of these statements will be true in objective fact. Others will reflect the parents misapprehensions or fantasies about the world. Still others will be statements about things that were once factually true but are no longer so. For instance the statement You cant walk on the moon used to be a reality. 32

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The Second-Order Structural Model 33 Child in the Parent C 3 Mother Father and teacher each had a Child ego-state. When I introjected them into my own Parent I included my perception of their Child as part of the introject. Accessing my stored memories of them I may come in contact with their Child feelings thoughts or behaviors. I may experience myself feeling or reacting as that parent did when I was little. When my mother was a little girl she decided she could get what she wanted from people by sulking and looking sour. Later on when I was a Child and she wanted something from me she would often sulk and look sour in the same way. Now in my own Parent ego-state I carry a message that when Im in charge of people I can get them to do what I want by sulking and looking sour. Second-order structure: Adult The content of my Adult is defined as the thinking feeling and behaving which I engage in as a response to the here-and-now. This implies that the Adult is the filing compartment in which is placed the whole set of strategies for reality-testing and problem-solving which I have available lo me now as a grown-up person. In the Adult we locate not only the reality-testing we apply to the world outside ourselves but also our grown-up evaluation of the content ol our own Parent and Child ego-states. For instance I carry a Parent oinmand in P 2 that says: Look right and left before you cross the road As a grown-up I have assessed this message and have concluded that it makes sense in reality. This conclusion is filed in A 2 . For much of the time I am in Adult I and others will experience that I am thinking. But youll recall from Chapter 2 that Adult content is defined to include here-and-now feeling responses as well as here-and- fiOW thinking. You may wonder: how can feelings be a way of problem- NOlving Imagine that at this moment a tiger escaped from a circus were 10 leap through the window of your room. If you are like most people v i n here-and-now feeling would be scare. And that emotion would be a ttti it help to the speed at which you ran away. Or imagine you are on a crowded bus. Th e person next to you keeps • ii elbowing you until you are in danger of falling out of the door. Here­ in. I now anger is your stimulus for elbowing him in return to regain your iirliilul place and your safety. I f I feel here-and-now sadness that is my way of resolving a different I i in I of problem: namely the loss of someone or something important to nir In the second-order structural model we usually make no divisions in the Adult. We show A 2 on the diagram as simply a plain circle.

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TA Today Second-order structure: Child We define any stored experience from the persons own childhood as being part of the content of the Child ego-state. There are many different ways in which these millions of memories could be classified. One obvious way would be to group them according to the age they date from. Some T A writers notably Fanita English have done just this. 2 More often we divide the structural Child ego-state in a different way pictured in Figure 4.1. The reasoning behind it is simple. Whe n I was a child I already had Parent Adult and Child ego-states. Every child has basic needs and wants Child. She has fantasies about how best to get these met Parent. And she possesses intuitive problem-solving skills Adult. To signal this we draw circles for Parent Adult and Child within the larger circle showing the Child ego-state. These three internal divisions of the Child ego-state are conventionally labeled Pj A and C. The whole Child ego-state in the second-order model is given the label C 2 . Parent in the Child P Every child learns early in life that there are rules which must be followed. These rules are laid down by Mother and Father. Unlike a grown-up the young child doesnt have the reasoning power to examine the rules and check whether it makes sense to follow them. Instead she simply knows they must be followed. But often she doesnt feel at all keen on following them. So she finds ways of scaring or seducing herself into obedience. If I dont say my prayers at night the Devil will come out of the fire and get me. If I don t eat all of my dinner Mother will go away and leave me and never come back. If I act nice everybody will love me. It is in this magical form that younger children store away their own version of messages from their parents. Since these impressions are the childs fantasies of the implications of his parents messages they are grouped together in the model as the content of the childs Parent ego- state. Later as a grown-up I may go back into Child and access these magical messages which make up the Parent in my Child Pj. This fantasized version of the parent may often be far more threatening than the actual parent. Even when parents love their child and are parenting him as well as they are able the young child may perceive them as giving him destructive messages like: Drop down dead 34

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The Second-Order Structural Model Never enjoy anything You arent supposed to think To reflect this quality of harshness P was given several different scary nicknames by earlier TA writers. It has been called the Witch Parent the Ogre and the Pig Parent. But the childs grandiose fantasy may be positive as well as negative. The Parent in the Child is also associated with the Fairy Godmother the Good Fairy and Santa Claus. For this reason we prefer the term Magical Parent for P. Berne called P the Electrode. This refers to the way the Child responds almost compulsively to these magical images of reward and punishment. Adult in the Child or Little Professor A A 1 the Adult in the Child is a label for the whole collection of strategies the child has available for solving problems. These strategies change and develop as the child grows. Researchers into child development have studied these changes in detail. Their work is necessary reading if you want thorough understanding of the Adult in the Child. 3 As a young child I was certainly interested in checking out the world around me. But my ways of doing so didnt entail the processes grown­ ups call logical. I relied more on intuition instant impressions. At the same time I learned new things far faster than any grown-up can learn. This stored capability earns A | its alternative name of Little Professor. In grown-up life I can still go back into my Child ego-state and access the intuition and creativity which I hold in A. Child in the Child C Six-year-old Jean is lying on the floor busy reading the book she has just been given at school. In comes the cat. Jean looks up from her book leaches out to stroke him. But the cat has had a bad day that day. He swipes Jean on the arm and blood wells up from a scratch. In the next second Jeans six-year-old thinking is forgotten. She rolls herself up in a ball and her wordless scream brings Mother running from the next room. Until the scratch is bandaged and Mother has given comfort Jean is a baby again. As a child of six she is back in her one- year-old Child ego-state. As a grown-up Jean will have a stored memory of this scene. If she recalls it she will contact first the Adult in her six-year-old Child ego- state reading the book. Then she will shift into C 1 the earlier Child within the Child as she re-lives her pain and panic on being scratched. Very young children experience the world mainly in terms of body sensations. These will form the bulk of the memories stored in the Child in the Child. For this reason Q is sometimes called the Somatic Child. 35

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TA Today Have you ever seen one of those sets of Russian dolls You unscrew the top of the outside doll and find another smaller one inside. Then you unscrew the top of the second doll and see an even smaller doll inside. You unscrew that one and... The second-order model of the Child is like that. In the structure of my six-year-old Child I have an earlier Child of say three. Inside that in turn is an even earlier Child and so it goes on. When we draw the diagram for the model we dont usually bother showing this in full detail. But particularly if you are a therapist keep this feature in mind. It is often important to track the various ages of the Child which a client may move through in therapy. Putting C 2 together with the pictures we developed of the Adult and Parent we get the complete second-order structural diagram shown in Figure 4.1. Distinguishing structure from function T o use the ego-state model effectively you need clear understanding of the differences between structure and function. Confusion between the two has been a longstanding problem in the development of TA theory. Yet the differences themselves are easy to understand. They all arise from one simple fact which you already know about. The functional model classifies observed behaviors while the structural model classifies stored memories and strategies. So long as you keep this in mind you will distinguish accurately between structure and function. One of us VJ explained the distinction more fully in a 1976 TA Journal article. 4 He wrote: Berne was careful in his presentations to differentiate structural and functional diagrams. I believe he had a solid logical basis for being so. Many present-day writers are attempting to equate these two modifying categories. This is like attempting to equate a "wheel" with "revolving". The two categories refer to different aspects of reality. In analyzing ego- states "structural" refers to the component parts of the personality while "functional" or "descriptive" refers to the way in which the personality is functioning at a given point in time. An analogy would be the different ways to look at a heat pump used to heat and cool a house . On e could look at the heat pump "structurally" and point to its various components such as the compressor the air ducts the thermostat etc. One could also look at the heat pump "functionally" or "descriptively" and talk about it heating the house cooling the house transferring air from one place to another using electricity etc. These are descriptions of how the total system is functioning at a given point in time. Any time you want to clarify the difference between structure and 36

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The Second-Order Structural Model function think of that wheel and that heat-pump. You also know another way of wording the distinction: STRUCTUR E WHAT CONTENT FUNCTIO N HOW - PROCESS. What is so important about making the correct distinction Any time we are talking about interactions between people we must use the functional model. The structural model fits when we are considering what goes on inside the individual. Saying the same things in technical language: interpersonal aspects of TA work require the functional model. Intrapsychic matters need to be studied in terms of the structural model. In this book our discussion of Communicating in Part III will be almost entirely about function. The account of Life-script in Part IV will relate principally to structure. When I look at you and listen to you and judge what ego-state you are in I can make my judgment only in terms of the functional model. Perhaps I see you put your head to one side crease your brow and put the end of one finger in your mouth. From these observations I judg e that you are in your Adapted Child functional ego-state. There is no similar way I can observe you and try to judge whether you are in your Little Professor or coming from your Parent-in-the- Parent. These names define collections of memories not sets of behaviors. Only by listening to the content of what you are saying can I begin to get evidence about second-order structure. If I do want to know about the content of your Little Professor or Parent-in-the-Parent — the what rather than the how — I need to do some detective work. Principally I need to ask you a lot of questions. I may also use my general knowledge about different kinds of personality and about how children develop. In the next chapter we shall list Eric Bernes four ways of diagnosing ego-states and relate them to the structure-function distinction. Relationship between structure and function It is possible for two things to be different yet to be related to each other. This is true of structure and function. Obviously the way I behave at any moment will depend partly on the set of memories and strategies I am contacting internally. Suppose I am showing a set of behaviors corresponding to the negative Adapted Child functional ego-state division. Lets say I am sitting scrunched up with arms and legs tightly folded. Im clenching my teeth and my face is going red while sweat breaks out on my brow. If you 37

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TA Today looked at me then what could you tell about the structural ego-state part I might be contacting internally You might reasonably guess I am experiencing body sensations of the sort which fit with the definition of Somatic Child Cr. And so I may be. But perhaps I am also accessing internal images of the scary ogre or witch parent figures I built for myself at the age of three and stored away to make up my . Its also possible that I am replaying the way my father used to scrunch up and go red when he felt under threat as a child. If so I am accessing part of my own Parent ego-state the Child in my Father Parent C 3 of Father. And for all you know I may be a skilful actor and be setting up the whole charade for some grown-up purpose which you dont know about yet. If so then I am likely to be switching internally between the content of my Adult A 2 and Little Professor A. To repeat: when you look at me and listen to me you can observe function. But you can only infer structure. 38

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Chapter 5 RECOGNIZING EGO-STATES Eric Berne listed four ways of recognizing ego-states. He called them: Behavioral diagnosis Social diagnosis Historical diagnosis Phenomenological diagnosis. Berne stressed that it was best to use mor e than one of these ways at a lime. For a complete diagnosis all four should be used in the order shown above. Behavioral diagnosis is th e most important of the four. The other three act as checks upon it. Behavioral diagnosis In behavioral diagnosis you judge which ego-state a person is in by observing his behavior. As you do so you can see or hear: words tones gestures postures facial expressions. You would diagnose the persons functional ego-state by observing several of these at one time. Are the various clues consistent with each other For instance suppose you see me sitting upright in my chair. My body is balanced evenly round a vertical mid-line. Both feet are planted firmly on the floor. From these body clues you would form a first Pigment that my behavior is Adult. You look at my face and sec that my gaze is even my facial muscles relaxed. As I begin speaking you hear a level tone of voice. Now yo u have consistent clues from expression and voice tone which help confirm vmir behavioral diagnosis of Adult. No one clue is sufficient in itself. Perhaps I am sitting there discussing he philosophy of th e ego-state model. If you wrote my word s down they 39

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TA Today would seem Adult. But as you look at me you note that I have now shifted my feet so that the toes of one are resting on the toes of the other. I have tilted my head to one side. With the fingers of my left hand I am rapping on the arm of my chair. The clues from gestures and postures let you know that I am most likely in my Adapted Child despite my Adult- sounding words. Are there standard clues to ego-states Its traditional for books about TA to give tables of standard clues for behavioral diagnosis. For instance a wagging finger is said to fit with Controlling Parent. A whining voice is supposed to show Adapted Child. Shouting Wow Yippee is given as a clue to Free Child and so on. But this idea of standard clues raises a cautionary point concerning the fundamental nature of the ego-state model. The tables of standard clues rely on the suggestion that when I am for instance in Adapted Child I will be behaving like a child complying with the demands of his parents. Likewise in Nurturing Parent I will be behaving like a parent looking after a child. But this is no t what the ego-state model says. What do I mean when I use the models language accurately When I say I am in my Child I mean I am behaving thinking and feeling as the child 7 once was — not just like any child. When I am in Nurturing Parent I am behaving thinking and feeling as one of my parents did not just like parents generally. It follows that for a reliable behavioral diagnosis of my Adapted Child ego-state you would need to know how / looked and sounded back in my childhood when I was obeying my parents. To recognize me in Nurturing Parent you would need to have observed my mother or father as they looked after me all these years ago. The set of behavioral clues that define my Adapted Child or Free Child will be different from yours because we were different children. Because we had different parents we will each have our own unique set of behaviors to mark Controlling or Nurturing Parent. Does this mean that tables of standard clues are useless Luckily the answer is no. There are some kinds of behavior that are typical of children in general when they are obeying their parents or acting spontaneously. There are behaviors which parents in general will often show when they are controlling or nurturing their children. So if we look for these typical behaviors we can make a useful start in diagnosing functional ego-states. We simply need to be aware that it is only a start. To firm up our diagnosis we need to get to know the person. Over time we can draw up a list of their own unique sets of behaviors signaling ego-state changes. In this book we prefer not to give a table of standard clues. I nstead we invite you to draw up your own. 40

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Recognizing Ego-States • Take a big sheet of paper and draw six vertical columns on it. Head the left-hand column Clues from — . Head the other five columns with the five functional ego-state labels you used in the egogram — CP NP A FC AC. Go back to the column headed Clues from — . Evenly spaced down it write five headings: Words Tones Gestures Postures Facial expressions. Draw in horizontal lines so that you finish up with five empty boxes down each column. One box will be for Words one for Tones and so on. The idea is that you fill in the behavioral clues for yourself in each column. Lets take the Controlling Parent column. In it you enter behavioral clues that you show when you copy your parents ways of controlling or commanding others. Think of situations when you typically get into CP. Maybe this will be when you are in charge of subordinates at work. If you are a parent consider the behaviors you show when you are telling your children what to do. Here are a few examples of what I might enter for myself under CP. Words: Dont Stop Do Heres how it is. Thats good. Thats bad. You should. You must. Tones: deep resonant harsh. Gestures: chopping the air with right hand. Propping fingers together in a steeple shape. Linking hands behind head. Postures: leaning far back in chair. Tilting head back looking down nose. Expressions: corners of mouth pulled down slightly. Eyebrows raised. You may find that some of these clues fit for you too. The main thing is to draw up your own unique list. Go ahead with it now. List only what people can see and hear. Do not interpret. For instance under expressions put down only what people see you doing with your face. Do not enter words like condescending bossy supercilious.... These would be interpretations. As you look at me and listen to my voice maybe you do feel Im being bossy. But the bossiness is not something you are observing. It is an interpretation you are making inside your own head. Practice awareness always of what you observe. If you then go on to interpret your observation stay aware that the interpretation is something separate from what you are observing. 41

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TA Today 42 When you have filled in the column for Controlling Parent go on to fill the other columns in the same way. For Nurturing Parent list the behaviors you show when you are copying your parents ways of looking after people. Again if you are a parent yourself you are likely to do this some of the time when you are caring for your children. For Adapted Child put down behavioral clues you show when you are re-playing ways you had of following other peoples rules when you were a child. You may do this when you are conforming in company talking to the boss at work and so on. For Free Child think of a recent time when you acted like the child you once were neither conforming to others rules nor rebelling against them. Maybe you were on the roller-coaster hid your face and shrieked as it shot down the slope. Perhaps you were visiting the doctor for a routine inoculation and found yourself shaking with fright as the nurse produced the needle. Recall that the functional divisions of Parent and Child can be shown in negative ways as well as positive ways. Are there behaviors you show when youre squashing people from negative Controlling Parent If youre a parent do you sometimes smother your kids If so how do they see and hear you in negative Nurturing Parent Talking to the boss do you sometimes crawl to him while wishing he were a hundred miles away If you do how would you see and hear yourself on a video film in negative Adapted Child In the Adult column enter behaviors you show when you are acting as your here-and-now grown-up self. This might be a recent situation when you were at work exchanging information with a colleague. You might be in the supermarket buying what you had down on your shopping list. Perhaps you were reading this book and learning about ego-states. Remember that the Adult ego-state relates to here-and-now feeling as well as to thinking. Therefore Adult behaviors may include expressions of emotion where the feelings expressed are appropriate responses to the present situation. Keep the Free Child column for behaviors you show when you are acting as though you were a spontaneous child again instead of a spontaneous grown-up. Sometimes when you are observing my behavioral clues you may need to ask more questions to help you judge which of my ego-states a particular behavior fits with. Suppose you see me sitting in a drooping pose. Im leaning forward head in hands. The corners of my mouth are turned down. Im sighing deeply and my eyes are filling with tears. From all these clues you gather that Im expressing sadness. But what ego-state am I in Have I perhaps just heard that a close relative has died My sadness then would be an appropriate response to the here-and- now hence Adult. Or have I got back in contact with some memory of a

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Recognizing Ego-States loss I experienced when I was a child and which Ive never let myself be sad about until now In that case my feeling expression is from Free Child. Still another possibility is that I am replaying a negative Adapted Child pattern in which I droop and get sad as a way of manipulating the people around me. To back up your assessment of my behavioral clues you may want to ask questions about how other people relate to me. You may ask about my personal history and what my parents were like. And you may explore what I can re-experience from my own childhood. ® As we now look at Bernes other three ways of diagnosis use them to check back on the behavioral list you have made up for yourself. Alter and add to your list according to what you learn. • Social diagnosis The idea behind social diagnosis is that other people will often relate to me from an ego-state that complements the one I am using. Therefore by noting the ego-state they respond from I can get a check on the ego-state I have come from. For instance if I address you from my Parent ego-state chances are you will respond to me from your Child. If I open communication with you from my Adult you will likely come back also in Adult. And if I approach you from my Adapted Child you may well respond from your Parent. Thus if I realize that people often seem to be giving me Child responses I have reason to think that I may often be addressing them from Parent. Maybe I am a supervisor and find my supervisees either crawl to m e or find ways of sabotaging my orders behind my back. Both of these look like Adapted Child responses. Possibly then I am being more of a Controlling Parent with them than I had realized. If I want to change the situation I can list the Controlling Parent behaviors I have been using in the work situation. Then I can experiment with say Adult behaviors instead. My supervisees ego-state responses to me will give me a social diagnosis of how far I have managed to change from my Parental approach. • Think of a recent occasion when someone seemed to be responding to you from their Child. What behavioral clues did the other person show which you interpreted as indicating they were in Child Did you invite this response by coming from your Controlling Parent or Nurturing Parent If so look at your list of behavioral clues and pick out how the other person saw and heard you in Parent. How might you have altered your own behavior to invite them to respond from a different ego-state 43

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TA Today Historical diagnosis In historical diagnosis we ask questions about how the person was as a child. We ask about the persons parents and parent-figures. This lets us double-check on our impressions of the persons functional ego-states. It also lets us know about ego-state structure. Historical diagnosis deals with both process and content. I might see you in a group hunching forward with a frown on your face. Your hand is up covering your eyes. I hear you say: Im confused. I cant think. Behaviorally I judge you to be in Adapted Child. For historical diagnosis I might ask you: How did you feel as a child when somebody asked you to think Or perhaps I might say: To me you look like youre about six right now. Do you connect with anything in your childhood You might recall: Yes Dad used to badger me to read books then laugh because I couldnt get all the words right. So I used to play stupid just to spite him. At another moment you may be leaning back in your chair. Tilting your head back you look down your nose at your neighbor. You tell her: What youve just said isnt right. Heres how things really are... Perhaps she cowers down hunches her shoulders and raises her eyebrows in Adapted Child style. Now I have both behavioral and social clues that you are in Controlling Parent. For a historical check 1 might ask: Will you freeze your position a second Did either of your parents sit like that when they were telling you how things were Maybe you burst out laughing and reply Yeah its Dad again Your reports thus give me a double-check on my behavioral diagnosis. Seeing you showing the sets of behaviors which I think fit with your Adapted Child ego-state 1 have confirmed that your internal experience is a replay of the way you responded to parental pressures in your childhood. As you show Parent clues behaviorally you report to me that you are copying the behaviors of one of your own parents. • Look back at the list of behavioral clues you have drawn out for yourself. Use historical diagnosis to check the clues for each ego-state. As you go through the Controlling Parent and Nurturing Parent clues find if you recall what parent or parent-figure you are copying with each behavior. What are the copied thoughts and feelings which accompany the behavior For Adapted Child and Free Child clues recall situations in your childhood when you behaved in that same way. How old were you What were you thinking and feeling at these times Do the same exercise for recent occasions when someone seemed to be responding to you from their Adult their Parent. • 44

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Recognizing Ego-States For Adult check that the behaviors you have listed are not a replay of your childhood nor a parental behavior you have swallowed whole. You may find that you want now to shift some of your behavioral clues to a different column. For instance som e of th e clues you first listed for Adult may turn out to fit better in Adapted Child. • Phenomenological diagnosis Sometimes I may re-experience the past instead of just remembering it. Heme wrote that ...phenomenological validation only occurs...if the individual can re-experience the whole ego state in full intensity with little weathering. Suppose you had just recalled that time when Dad badgered you to read and then laughed at you for getting the words wrong. If you and I were working in therapy I might invite you to get back into that i liildhood scene. Perhaps you put Dad in front of you in imagination and tell him what you couldnt tell him when you were six. You might find yourself first whining to Dad. Then you might re-contact furious anger wul start yelling Its not fair while beating on a cushion in the way you Would have liked to beat on Dad. You and I have a phenomenological diagnosis of part of the content of your Child ego-state. Berne used the word phenomenological here in a sense which is different from its usual dictionary definition. He never explained why he li id chosen to do this. Simply register Bernes technical meaning as described above. Kgo-state diagnosis in practice Ideally we would use all four ways of diagnosis. But in practice this is illcn impossible. When it is we simply diagnose as best we can. When we use TA in work with organizations education or i "inmunications training or simply to help our own everyday relations wilh others we need to rely mainly on behavioral diagnosis. Social i M.iiosis gives us some back-up. Even in TA therapy behavioral illlignosis is the first and most important way of recognizing ego-states. Po develop your effectiveness in using TA practice continually miming your behavioral diagnosis. Keep referring back to the table of ll state clues you have made out for yourself revising it as you ii ii orne more and more aware of your own ego-state shifts. If you have the equipment make audio-tapes or video-tapes of t " t II self. Analyze your ego-state clues second by second. Relate your inn iqes in words voice tone and body signals if yo u have video to what 1 1 were experiencing internally. 45

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TA Today Get into the habit of doing behavioral diagnosis when you are communicating with others. Do it when you are in meetings or classes. Do it when you are talking with your spouse your boss your employees. Keep track of the other persons ego-state shifts and your own. This may feel awkward at first. Persist until it becomes second nature. Keep your analysis to yourself unless you are sure the other person wants to know about it Take every available chance to check your behavioral diagnosis against historical and phenomenological evidence. But only do this with others if you have their explicit agreement in advance. The more often you check in this way the more accurate will your behavioral diagnosis become. ® The executive and the real Self For simplicity in ou r discussion of ego-states we hav e assumed until no w that a perso n can b e in only one ego-stat e at a time. In reality the position is less straightforward. Its possible for someone to behave in a way that fits one ego-state while he experiences himselfas being in a different ego- state. For example imagine that I am at work discussing a planned assignment with a colleague. For th e first few minute s of th e discussion I have my attention fully on the task in hand. If you were watching my behavioral signals you would make a secure judgment that I am in Adult. My own interna l experience also is tha t I am in Adul t — respondin g to th e here-and-now exchanging and assessing information. But as th e talk goes on longer and longer I begin to feel bored. I say to myself in my head: I wish I were out of here. Its such a nice day outside — Id rather be taking a walk in th e fresh air. Bu t I don t suppose I can... Now I am experiencing myself in Child. I am replaying times from my schoolday s when I ha d sat indoor s in class feeling bored with th e lesson and wishing I could go out and play. Bored though I feel I kee p on with the jo b in hand. As you observe my behavior you see me continuing to exchange information. Thus outwardly I am still behaving in Adult. But my behavior no longer fits with the ego-state I am experiencing. T o describe this situation Eric Berne suggested a distinction between the executive and the real Self. 1 When an ego-state is dictating a persons behavior that ego-state is said to have executive power. When a perso n experiences himself to b e in a particular ego-state w e say he is experiencing that ego-state as his real Self. Most often the ego-state with executive power will also be experienced as the real Self. In the example above as I began my work 46

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Recognizing Ego-States 47 discussion I had executive power in Adult and simultaneously experienced Adult as my real Self. But then as I began to feel bored I shifted my experience of real Self into my Child ego-state. Nevertheless I continued to act in a way tha t was consistent with Adult. Thus I kep t executive power in th e latter ego-state. Suppose my work colleague had kept up the discussion for even longer. I might then have yawned and lost track of what he was saying. As he waited for me to reply to one of his points I might have blushed and said Oh sorry Im afraid I wasnt with you. Now I would have executive power in Child while also experiencing Child as my real Self. • Make up at least three more examples which illustrate someone having executive power in one ego-state while experiencing a different ego-state as her real Self. Do you recall any examples of this from your own experience in the past week • Incongruity This division between the executive and the real Self obviously poses extra problems for ego-state diagnosis. Since the ego-state with executive power is the one which determines behavior you would expect that the persons behavioral clues would indicate that ego-state. So long as that ego-state is being experienced also as real Self your behavioral diagnosis will give you an accurate view of the persons internal experience. But what if the person then switches into a differen t ego-state as real Self while still keeping executive power in the original ego-state How can you detect this using behavioral diagnosis The fact is that sometimes you cant detect it. This is most likely at moments when the persons overall behavior is relatively inactive. For instance you may see me sitting listening to a lecture. Im sitting upright not moving much and not saying anything. At first guess you might judge me behaviorally to be in Adult. But internally I might be in a Child day­ dream. Without further enquiry you have no means of knowing this. More often however the person does show behavioral clues to indicate what is going on. Youll realize that when someone has executive power in a different ego-state from that experienced as real Self there is a split between his behavior and his internal experience. Externally he usually shows this in the following way: his most obvious behavioral signals will indicate the ego-state that has executive power. But at the same time he will exhibit other and more subtle signals which do not match those of the executive ego-state. Instead they fit the ego-state he is experiencing as real Self. In technical language we say then that his behavior shows incongruity.

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TA Today When I was having the discussion with my colleague at work my most obvious behaviors matched the ego-state I had in executive throughout i.e. Adult. But if you had watched and listened to me with close attention you would have noted some changes at the moment I became bored and shifted into Child as my real Self. U p to that point the pitch of my voice had varied noticeably through my sentences. Now it became monotonous. My gaze which until then had been switching regularly between the work document and my colleagues face now lost focus and stared at one point on the table. These incongruities would help you judge that I had shifted my experience of real Self out of Adult and into Child. Recognizing incongruity is one of the most important skills you can develop as a user of TA. We shall return to this topic when we look at transactions in Chapter 7. Bernes energy theory Eric Berne developed a theoretical explanation of what happens when we shift executive power and our sense of real Self between one ego-state and another. It is outside the scope of this book to discuss his theory in detail. We will sketch it out in this section and you can follow it up if you wish from the References list. Berne followed Freud in hypothesizing the concept of psychic energy or cathexis. He suggested that this energy exists in three forms: bound unbound and free. The additional term active cathexis is applied to the sum of unbound plus free cathexis. To illustrate the difference between these three forms of cathexis Berne used the metaphor of a monkey in a tree. When the monkey is sitting on a high branch it possesses potential energy — the energy that would be released if the monkey fell to the ground. This potential energy is analogous to bound cathexis. If the monkey then does fall off the branch the potential energy is released as kinetic energy. This illustrates the nature of unbound cathexis. However a monkey is a living organism. Rather than just falling off the branch it can exercise the choice to jump to the ground. Berne suggests that this voluntary use of energy is analogous to free cathexis. Each ego-state is envisaged as having a boundary. Free cathexis can move readily between one ego-state and another across these boundaries. In addition each ego-state contains a certain measure of energy which is resident within its boundary. If that energy is not being used at any given moment it corresponds to bound cathexis. When the resident energy is brought into use the bound cathexis is converted to unbound cathexis. For instance when I began my conversation at work I was actively 48

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Recognizing Ego-States using the energy that resides in my Adult ego-state. The cathexis in that ego-state was unbound. By directing my attention to the task at hand I was also shifting free cathexis into Adult. Throughout the scene in the example I could have been employing some of th e energy resident within the boundarie s of my Parent ego-state. For example I might have begun replaying Parental judgments in my head about whether I was working hard enough. However I did not do so. The cathexis within the boundary of my Parent ego-state remained bound. Berne hypothesized that an ego-state will take over executive power when it is the one in which the sum of unbound plus free cathexis i.e. active cathexis is greatest at a given moment. The ego-state experienced as real Self will be the one which at a particular moment has the greatest amount of free cathexis. At the beginning of my discussion at work I had executive power in Adult and also experienced Adult as my real Self. We can infer therefore that I had the highest active cathexis and highest free cathexis in Adult during this time. When I started paying attention to feeling bored I move d some free cathexis into Child. I continued doing so until that ego-state came to contain higher free cathexis than either my Adult or my Parent. At that point I began experiencing Child as my real Self. But I kept executive power in Adult showing that I still ha d th e highest total of active cathexis in my Adult ego-state. If the discussion had gone on much longer I might have unbound more and more of the bound cathexis resident in Child until finally that ego-state had more active cathexis than Adult and so took over executive power. Youll realize that it is possible at times for a person to have some active cathexis in all three ego-states at once. For instance I might continue to keep executive power in Adult exchanging technical information with my colleague. While doing so I might also unbind some cathexis in Parent and start criticizing myself internally for not understanding the task well enough. At the same time I might unbind some Child cathexis and begin feeling ashamed that I was no t complying with those Parental demands. If you found this sections theoretical exposition tough going at first sight dont worry. If you like theory youll want to pursue the more detailed treatment of the topic in the writings of Berne and other theorists. If theory is not so much to your taste simply pass this section by. Its not essential to your understanding of anything else in this book. 49

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Chapter 6 STRUCTURAL PATHOLOGY So far we have assumed that you can always tell the content of one ego- state clearly from that of another. We have assumed also that people can move at will between ego-states. But what happens if the content of two ego-states gets jumbled up Or if a person cannot get into or out of a particular ego-state Eric Berne named these two problems contamination and exclusion. Together they go under the heading of structural pathology. Contamination At times I may mistake part of the content of my Child or Parent ego- states for Adult content. When this happens my Adult is said to be contaminated. a Parent b Child c Double contamination contamination contamination Figure 6.1 Contamination 50

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Structural Pathology 51 It is as though one ego-state intrudes into the boundary of another. On the ego-state diagram we picture this by drawing the circles overlapping and shading in the overlap. The shaded area stands for the contamination. Figure 6.1a shows Parent content intruding into the Adult a Parent contamination. Figure 6.1b shows Child contamination. And Figure 6.1c shows double contamination with both Parent and Child overlapping the Adult. Parent contamination I am in Parent contamination when I mistake Parental slogans for Adult reality. These are taught beliefs that are taken as facts. Berne called this prejudice. For example: All Scotsmen are mean. Blacks are idle. Whites exploit you. The world is a bad place. People cant be trusted. If at first you dont succeed try try try again. If I believe that a statement like this is an expression of reality I am in contamination. When a person is speaking about herself and says you instead of T its likely that the content of what follows will be Parent-contaminated. For instance Madge is describing her life: Well youve just got to keep on going come what may havent you And you cant let people see your feelings. Chances are that Madge learned these two slogans from her parents. Probably her parents also believed they were statements about reality. Child contamination When I am in Child contamination I cloud my grown-up thinking with beliefs from my childhood. These are fantasies evoked by feelings that are taken as fact. Maybe I am leaving a party and hear people laughing as I walk out of the door. I say to myself: Theyre laughing at me behind my back At that moment I am re-playing a time from my early childhood when I decided without words: Theres something wrong with me. Everybody knows what it is except me. But nobody will tell me. I am not aware that it is a re-play. In contamination I mistake that childhood situation for grown-up reality. If I chose I could go back into the room and check whether the party-goers had actually been laughing at me. If they truthfully said No I might move out of contamination. Doing so I would separate my Adult appraisal of the present situation from my outdated Child pictures of the

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TA Today world. I might realize the people in the room had been laughing at a joke that had nothing to do with me. Perhaps I might also recall the childhood memories of being teased but now would identify them as being from the past. Suppose even that the people in the room had been having a good laugh at my expense. I might move out of contamination by realizing So what If they choose to laugh at me thats their affair. Im still OK. But I might not be ready that day to move out of my Child contamination. In that case when the revellers told me No we werent laughing at you I might say to myself internally: Huh Bet theyre lying just to be nice to me. Berne sometimes used the word delusion to describe the kind of belief that typically arises from Child contamination. Some common delusions are: Im no good at spelling/arithmetic/languages. People just dont like me. Theres something wrong with me. I was born fat. I cant stop smoking. When the content of a Child contamination comes from earlier childhood the delusion is likely to be more bizarre. This is especially likely if the persons childhood was full of traumatic events. I can kill people just by being around. If I drop dead then Mother will love me. People are trying to kill me with cosmic rays. Double contamination Double contamination occurs when the person re-plays a Parental slogan agrees to it with a Child belief and mistakes both of these for reality. For instance: P People cant be trusted paired with: C I can never trust anyone. Or: P Children should be seen and not heard paired with: C To get by in the world I have to keep quiet. Some modern TA writers see all contamination as being double. To them the content of the double contamination consists of all the outdated distorted beliefs a person holds about himself other people and the world. In TA language these are the script beliefs. 2 • Take a piece of paper and head it: I am the sort of person who.... Then take two minutes to write down all the ways you think of to finish the sentence. At the end of the two minutes relax breathe and look round the room for a while. Help yourself get into Adult by sitting vertically balanced 52

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Structural Pathology in your chair. Plant both feet flat on the ground. Look at what you have written. For each of the ways you finished the sentence check whether it is a statement about reality or a Child contamination. If you decide any of the statements about yourself do come from Child contamination think what the reality of the matter is. Strike out the Child-contaminated words and put in the Adult up-date. For instance if you had put: I am the sort of person who cant get along with people you could strike it through and write instead: I am intelligent and friendly and Im very well able to get along with people. Update all Child-contaminated statements in this way. Now take another piece of paper. Take two minutes to write down all the slogans and beliefs you remember hearing from your parents and parent-figures. Get into Adult as before. Look through your list of Parental slogans and beliefs. Check whether each one is a statement about reality or a Parent contamination. If you decide there are any you want to up-date to fit with grown-up reality strike them out and substitute your new version. For example you might strike out: If at first you dont succeed try try try again and write instead: If at first you dont succeed change what youre doing so that you do succeed. This exercise is fun and useful. You can do it in moments of leisure. • Exclusion Sometimes Berne suggested a person will shut out one or more of her ego-states. He called this exclusion. Figures 6.2a — 6.2c show the three possibilities for exclusion of one ego-state. In the diagrams wc show the excluded ego-state by crossing it through and drawing a line between it and the neighboring circle. People who exclude Parent will operate with no ready-made rules about the world. Instead they make their own rules afresh in every situation. They are good at using Little Professor intuition to sense what is going on around them. These people are often wheeler-dealers. They may be top politicians successful executives or Mafia bosses. If I exclude Adult I switch off my grown-up power of reality-testing. Instead I hear only an internal Parent-Child dialogue. My resulting actions feelings and thoughts will reflect this constant struggle. Because I am not using my full Adult powers of reality-testing my thoughts and actions may even become bizarre with the possibility that I may be diagnosed psychotic. 53

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TA Today a Excluded b Excluded c Excluded Parent Adult Child Figure 6.2 Exclusion Someone who excludes Child will shut out the stored memories of his own childhood. Asked How was life for you as a child he will reply I dont know. I dont remember anything about it. When we express feelings as grown-ups we are often in our Child ego-state. Therefore the person with excluded Child will often be regarded as a cold fish or all head. If two out of the three ego-states are excluded the one operational ego-state is labeled constant or excluding. It is shown on the diagram as a thicker circle. Figures 6.3a — 6.3c show the three possibilities. A person with constant Parent will deal with the world solely by accessing a set of Parental rules. Asked How do you think we could develop this plan she might answer Well I think its a good plan. Keep at it thats what I say. In response to How do you feel her reply might be At times like this youve got to keep calm havent you According to Berne someone with constant Adult is unable to join in the fun. Instead he functions almost solely as a planner information- collector and data-processor. 3 Anyone in constant Child will at all times behave think and feel as though they were still in childhood. Meeting a problem this persons strategy will be to escalate feelings. They will shut out both grown-up reality-testing and sets of Parental rules. This person is likely to be seen by others as immature or hysterical. 54

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Structural Pathology a Constant Excluding Parent b Constant Excluding Adult C Constant Excluding Child Figure 6.3 Constant excluding ego-states Exclusion is never total. Instead it is specific to particular situations. For instance if we talk of someone as having an excluded Child what we really mean is that they seldom get into their Child ego-state except in some select situations. People cannot function without having some Child ego-state. They cannot function outside of institutions without some Adult. They dont get along in society very well without having some Parent. 55

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Part III COMMUNICATIN G Transactions Strokes and Time Structuring

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Chapter 7 TRANSACTIONS You are sitting reading this book. I come into the room and say Hi there You look up and reply Hi We have just completed a simple transaction. A transaction takes place when I offer some kind of communication to you and you reply to me. In formal language the opening communication is called the stimulus. The reply is called the response. This gives us the formal definition of a transaction as a transactional stimulus plus a transactional response. Berne referred to the transaction as the basic unit of social discourse. You and I might continue our conversation. In response to your Hi I might ask Had a good day and you might reply in turn. Now we have a chain of transactions. The response of each one serves as stimulus to the next. Communication between people always takes the form of such chains of transactions. In the analysis of transactions we use the ego-state model to help explain what goes on during this process of communication. 1 Figure 7.1 Adult-Adult complementary transaction 59

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TA Today Complementary transactions I ask you Whats the time You reply One oclock. We have exchanged here-and-now information. Our words are Adult. Our voice tones and body signals confirm the Adult ego-state. Figure 7.1 pictures this Adult-Adult transaction. The arrows show the direction of each communication. In formal language these arrows are known as vectors. The label S stands for stimulus R for response. Asking you for information I was in my Adult ego-state. We show this by having the S vector start from the Adult circle on my PAC diagram. I intende d my communication to b e heard by you in your Adult. Thus the vector ends up at the Adult on your diagram. With your matter-of-fact reply you also were coming from Adult and expected me to receive the information in my Adult. Hence the R vector comes back from your Adult circle to my own. This illustrates one kind of complementary transaction. We define such a transaction as follows: A complementary transaction is one in which the transactional vectors are parallel and the ego-state addressed is the one which responds. Check how this definition applies to the Adult-Adult transaction in our example. Because a complementary transaction always has the vectors parallel in the diagram it is often called by the alternative name parallel transaction. Figure 7.2 shows another kind of complementary transaction. This time it features Parent and Child ego-states. Figure 7.2 P-»-C C-»-P complementary transaction 60

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Transactions The store manager looks up as the clerk comes through the door ten minutes late. Shifting into Parent the manager growls: Late again This just wont do Cowering and blushing in Child the employee mutters: Sorry. Ill try not to do it again. With his Parental growl the manager means his stimulus to be heard by the clerk in Child. So the S vector starts from his Parent circle and goes to the clerks Child circle. Sure enough the clerk does go into Child. His muttered apology is for the benefit of the manager in Parent. This is shown by the placing of the R vector. Youll see that this example also fits the definition of a complementary transaction. • Two other possibilities for complementary transactions are Parent- Parent and Child-Child. Go ahead and draw a transactional diagram for each. Think of words to fit the stimulus and the response in each case. • We can get a more detailed analysis of transactions by using the functional model. For instance: Bob slumps in chair: Phew Im tired Id love you to give me a back-rub. Will you June warm tone smiles opens arms: Yes sure 1 will. Their transaction is complementary. The stimulus is F C to NPand the response comes back from NP to FC Figure 7.3.

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TA Today 62 First rule of communication A complementary transaction has a quality of expectedness about it. Asking you for information about the time I expected you to respond from your Adult and you did. When the manager told off his clerk he expected a Child apology and he got it. A conversation may consist of a chain of complementary transactions. If so the whole chain will have this feel of something predictable happening. Manager: 1 should think you would be sorry too This is the third time this week. Clerk whines: I said I was sorry boss. Anyway I was held up in the traffic Manager: Huh Dont come that stuff with me You should have left earlier... An exchange like this can go on in a groove until the transactors run out of steam or decide to do something else. This is formalized in the first rule of communication: So long as transactions remain complementary communication can continue indefinitely. Notice we dont say will continue but can continue. Obviously any conversation will draw to a close after a certain time. But as long as the transactions stay complementary there is nothing in the process of communication to break the smooth flow of stimulus and response. • Make up an imaginary conversation consisting of a chain of Adult- Adult complementary transactions. Do the same for Parent-Child Parent-Parent and Child-Child exchanges. Check that each fits with the first rule of communication. If you are working in a group get into pairs and role-play each kind of exchange. See how long you can keep going in a chain of parallel transactions. Crossed transactions I ask you Whats the time You stand up go red in the face and yell: Time Time Dont ask me about the time Youre late again\ What on earth do you think youre doing This is not the Adult response I had invited with my Adult question. Instead you have moved into an angry Parent ego-state. With your scolding you invite me to move out of my Adult and into my Child. The transactional diagram for our exchange is given in Figure 7.4. This is an example of one kind of crossed transaction. It is so called because the vectors on the diagram for this type of transaction usually cross.

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Transactions Figure 7.4 A--A P-»-C crossed transaction Also crossed is an apt description for the feel of this sort of exchange. When you cross our transaction by yelling at me I feel as though you had cut across the flow of our communication. Formally a crossed transaction is one in which the transactional vectors are not parallel or in which the ego-stale addressed is not the one which responds. Figure 7.5 P-C A--A crossed transaction 63

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TA Today Lets re-run the scene between the manager and the late-arriving clerk. The clerk comes in and the manager growls at him Parentally. But instead of cowering and apologizing the clerk looks evenly at the boss. He replies in a level voice: T can hear that youre angry. I understand why you may feel that way. Please tell me what you want me to do about this now. He has crossed the managers P — C stimulus with an A — A response. We see it in Figure 7.5. Once again the response cuts across the flow of communication which had been expected by the person sending the stimulus. Sometimes we need to use the detailed functional model to see whether a transaction is crossed. For example: Bob slumps in chair: Phew Im tired Id love you to give me a back-rub. Will you June harsh voice frowns looks down nose at him: Youre crazy You think I have time to give back-rubs She replies to Bobs C — P stimulus with a P — C response. On a first-order model the transaction would appear parallel. But it feels crossed. The nature of the cross is revealed in Figure 7.6. June has come back from CP and not NP . She addresses Bob in his A C instead of his FC. Second rule of communication When a transaction is crossed chances are that the person receiving the cross will shift into the ego-state that the crosser has invited. H e will likely Figure 7.6 FC—»-NP CP — • AC crossed transaction 64

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Transactions then move into a parallel transaction from that new ego-state. When 1 ask you the time and you yell at me for being late I will probably get into Adapted Child and apologize. Or I may be rebellious from that same ego-state: Well I couldnt help it. Dont know what youre making so much fuss about. My original Adult request for information is forgotten for the time being. The second rule of communication says: When a transaction is crossed a break in communication results and one or both individuals will need to shift ego-states in order for communication to be re-established. The break in communication may be felt as only a mild jolt. At the other extreme it may entail the two people storming furiously out of the room slamming the doors and never speaking to each other again. Eric Berne calculated that in theory there are 72 possible varieties of crossed transaction. Luckily two of those are by far the most common in practice. They occur whenan A — A stimulus is crossed either by a C — P response or by a P — C response. • Make up your own example of an A — A stimulus crossed by a C — P response. How might the conversation continue if the person receiving the response moved into Parent and opened a parallel transaction from that ego-state Do the same exercise for an A — A stimulus crossed by a P — C response. Make up an example of an A — A stimulus crossed by a C — C response. Draw the transactional diagram. Notice from this example that parallel vectors do not always mean a parallel transaction. If you are working in a group get into pairs and role-play a conversation in which every transaction is crossed. Each time the other person speaks decide which ego-state she was inviting in you. Get into a different ego-state and respond. She then crosses you in return. See how long you can keep up the sequence without slipping into parallel transactions. When you finish discuss your experience during this exercise. How was it different from the earlier one in which you kept all the transactions parallel • Ulterior transactions In an ulterior transaction two messages are conveyed at the same time. One of these is an overt or social-level message. The other is a covert or psychological-level message. Most often the social-level content is Adult-Adult. The psychological-level messages are usually either Parent-Child or Child- Parent. 65

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TA Today Husband: What did you do with my shirt Wife: T put it in your drawer. Simply looking at the written words wed say this was an Adult- Adult complementary transaction. And so it is at social level. But now lets re-run it with sound and visuals. Husband harshly voice tone dropping at end of sentence tense facial muscles drawing brows together: What did you do with my shirt Wife voice quavering rising tone hunches shoulders drops head forward looks out from under raised eyebrows: T put it in your drawer. The psychological level is a parallel P — C C — P exchange. If we put words to the messages conveyed at this level they might read: Husband: Youre always messing with my things Wife: Youre always unjustly criticizing me This gives the transactional diagram shown in Figure 7.7. We show the social-level stimulus and response as solid arrows and label them S s and R s . The dotted arrows stand for the psychological-level stimulus and response S p and R p . Figure 7.7 Duplex ulterior transaction: social level A--A A-- A psychological level P -C C-P Any ulterior transaction like this in which an A — A social message overlies a psychological-level exchange between P and C less often C — C or P — P is called a duplex transaction. Eric Berne pictured another kind of ulterior which he called the angular transaction. Here I may address you with a social-level stimulus from Adult to Adult. But my secret message is from my Adult to your 66

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Transactions Child. I hope you will take my invitation and come back with a Child response. The textbook example is tha t of a salesperson hoping to hook a customer into an impulse purchase. Salesperson: Of course Sir that camera is the top of our range. But I guess its probably beyond your budget. Customer defiantly: Ill take it The transactional diagram at Figure 7.8 shows the angle between the S s and S p vectors which gives this transaction its name. Figure 7.8 Angular ulterior transaction Its always possible that the exchange might have gone differently: Salesperson: ...its probably beyond your budget. Customer thoughtfully: Well now you mention it youre right. It is beyond my budget. Thanks anyway. Here the salespersons maneuver has not succeeded in hooking the customer into Child. The example illustrates an important general point about transactions. When I offer you a transactional stimulus I can never MA KE you go into a particular ego-state. The most I can do is INVITE you to respond from that ego-state. Third rule of communication Bernes third rule says: The behavioral outcome of an ulterior transaction is determined at the psychological and not at the social level. 6 7

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TA Today 68 Berne wrote is determined not may be determined. He is suggesting that when people communicate on two levels what actually happens is always the outcome of the secret messages. If we want to understand behavior we must pay attention to the psychological level of communication. In T A language we talk of this as thinking Martian. Berne pictured a little green man from Mars coming down and observing Earthlings. This Martian has no preconceptions of what our communications are supposed to mean. He simply observes how we do communicate then notes the behavior which follows. • Practice being that Martian. Be aware always of the psychological as well as the social level. Check on Bernes striking claim. Was he right in believing that the behavioral outcome is always determined at the psychological level 9 Transactions and non-verbals In an ulterior transaction the social-level message is given by the words. T o think Martian at the psychological level you need to observe non­ verbal clues. These are found in voice tones gestures postures and facial expressions. There are also more subtle clues in breathing muscle tension pulse rate pupil dilation degree of sweating and so on. We have referred to psychological-level messages as secret messages. In fact they are not secret at all if you know what to look for. The non-verbal clues are there for you to read. Young children read these clues intuitively. As we grow up we are systematically trained to blank out this intuition. Its not polite to stare dear. To be effective in using TA we need to re-train ourselves in noting body clues. You have made an important start by practicing behavioral diagnosis of ego-states. The truth is that every transaction has a psychological as well as a social level. But in an ulterior transaction the two do not match. The messages conveyed by the words are belied by the non-verbal messages. You learned in Chapter 5 that incongruity is the technical name for this kind of mis-match. To think Martian practice watching out for incongruity. And this leads us to a more general point. To analyze ANY transaction accurately you need to consider non-verbal clues as well as words. Recall our example of the husband asking his wife where his shirt was. Simply reading the words it looked Adult-Adult. With non-verbal clues it turned out to be a Parent-Child exchange. We could have re-run the same words with different sets of non-verbals to give a different kind of transaction each time.

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Transactions • Test this out. Keep the same words between husband and wife. Find out how many different kinds of transaction you can generate by putting in different non-verbals. In a group role-play the husband-wife transaction with different sets of non-verbal clues. • Options No one kind of transaction is good or bad in itself. If you want to maintain a smoothly predictable flow of communication keep your transactions parallel. If you find that your communication with someone is often jerky and uncomfortable check whether you and she cross your transactions frequently. If so decide whether to smooth out your interchanges by avoiding the crosses. But suppose the offices prime bore is only too keen to set up a smooth flow of communication with you Or that your next-door neighbor has just settled down to start her daily tale of woe while drinking your coffee In these cases you might be glad to interrupt their flow by deliberately crossing transactions. In his article Options Stephen Karpman developed the idea that we can choose to transact in whatever way we like. In particular we can choose new ways of transacting so as to break out of familiar uncomfortable locked interchanges with others. 2 At work Mary always seems to be apologizing or justifying herself. Her supervisor takes the other end of this set-up by continually criticizing Mary and telling her how things should be. Supervisor: You see this report should have been on smaller-size paper. Mary: Oh sorry. My mistake. Supervisor: Well I suppose you couldnt help it. But I did put round a memo about this. Mary: T do try to read these memos but honestly Ive been so busy lately... The two seem locked into this Controlling Parent — Adapted Child groove. If Mary finally decides to break loose how does she use Options Karpman writes: The object is "to change what is going on and get free in whatever way you can." To get this you have to get the other person out of their ego state or change your ego state or both. He sets out four conditions that need to be met for this strategy to work: One or both ego-states must actually change. The transaction must be crossed. The subject must change. The previous topic will be forgotten. 69

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TA Today We would suggest that the first and second of these conditions are the essential ones. We think the other two are optional extras though they will usually apply. Supervisor: You should really have written this report on smaller paper. Mary feigns falling off her chair. Lies on her back on the floor waving arms and legs in the air: Aaargh Mean to say Tve done it againl What on earth are you going to do with me boss Supervisor: Cracks up laughing. Mary has switched into Free Child playing instead of Adapted Child apologies. The supervisor in turn accepts Marys invitation into Free Child. Crossing from Free Child is only one option. Maybe Mary would first test out a more conventional cross from Adult: Mary takes pencil and memo pad: Please tell me what size of paper you want these reports on in future Any time you feel locked into an uncomfortable set of transactions you have the option of crossing from any of your five functional ego-state parts. And you can address any of those five parts in the other person. Karpman even suggests that you can choose to use negative as well as positive ego-state divisions. Mary might have chosen to cross her supervisors negative Controlling Parent scolding by coming back with a negative Controlling Parent squelch of her own: Supervisor: You should have used a smaller size of paper. Mary draws self up frowns speaks in harsh tone: Now just wait a minute. This is your fault. You should have made sure we all knew about this. We suggest that in beginning practice with Options you keep to positive ego-state parts. In any case use Adult to decide which way of crossing is most likely to get the results you want safely and appropriately. You can never guarantee that your cross will succeed in inviting the other person into a new ego-state. If it doesnt test shifting your own ego-state and issuing a different cross. • Think of a situation where you have felt locked into a familiar uncomfortable groove of parallel transactions with someone. Maybe this will be a work situation. Perhaps it will be happening in a closer relationship. Using the functional model locate the ego-states you and the other person have been coming from. Now work out at least four ways you could use your ego-state Options to cross this flow of transactions. For the moment list any possible cross even though it may seem way-out. From this list of possibles pick one or several that seem likely to get results safely and appropriately. If you have excluded any Options as being inappropriate look at them again. Remember that you have the 70

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Transactions ability to use any of your ego-states. Sometimes an unconventional cross is the one most likely to work. Use Adult to separate the unconventional from the genuinely unsafe. If you want to go ahead in the situation to test out your Options and discover the results. In a group anyone who wants to can describe a locked situation he wants to get free from. The other group members brainstorm possible Options role-playing the cross in each case. The person who brought the problem should take note of each brainstorm idea but not pass comment on any until all suggestions have been given. Its then up to him to choose to take one several or none ot the suggestions. If he acts on a suggestion the outcome is his own responsibility. • 71

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Chapter 8 STROKES You arc walking along the street. You catch sight of a neighbor of yours coming in the other direction. As you and the neighbor pass you smile and say: Nice day Your neighbor smiles back and replies: Yes it is. You and your neighbor have just exchanged strokes. A stroke is defined as a unit of recognition. We are all so familiar with this kind of exchange that we usually dont give it a thought. But suppose this scene were re-run with only a slight difference. As your neighbor approaches you smile and say: Nice day Your neighbor makes no response whatever. He or she walks past as if you werent there. How would you feel If you are like most people you would be surprised at your neighbors lack of response. You might ask yourself: Whats gone wrong We need strokes and we feel deprived if we dont get them. Stimulus-hunger Eric Berne described certain hungers which are experienced by all of us. One of these is the need for physical and mental stimulation. Berne called this stimulus-hunger. He pointed to the work of researchers in human and animal development. In a well-known investigation Rene Spitz had observed babies reared in a childrens home. They were fed well kept clean and warm. Yet they were more likely to experience physical and emotional difficulties than were children brought up by their mothers or other direct caretakers. Spitz concluded that what the children in the home lacked was stimulation. They had little to look at all day except the white walls of their rooms. Above all they had little physical contact with those who looked after them. They lacked the touching cuddling and stroking which babies would normally get from their caretakers. Bernes choice of the word stroke refers to this infant need for touching. As grown-ups he said we still crave physical contact. But we also learn to substitute other forms of recognition in place of physical touching. A smile a compliment or for that matter a frown or an insult — all show us that our existence has been recognized. Berne used the term recognition-hunger to describe our need for this kind of acknowledgement by others. 72

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Strokes Kinds of strokes We can classify different kinds of strokes. They can be: Verbal or non-verbal Positive or negative Conditional or unconditional. Verbal v. non-verbal strokes In the example at the beginning of the chapter you and your neighbor exchanged both verbal and non-verbal strokes. You spoke to each other and you smiled. You could have traded many other verbal strokes ranging all the way from Hello to a full-scale conversation. Different non-verbal strokes might have been to wave nod shake hands or hug each other. Referring back to the last chapter youll realize that any transaction is an exchange of strokes. Most transactions involve both verbal and non­ verbal exchanges. They may be wholly non-verbal. Its difficult to imagine a transaction which is purely verbal and has no non-verbal content except perhaps a telephone conversation. Positive v. negative strokes A positive stroke is one which the receiver experiences as pleasant. A negative stroke is one experienced as painful. Tn our opening example you and your neighbor exchanged positive strokes both verbal and non­ verbal. If your neighbor had responded to your greeting by frowning at you instead of smiling he would have given you a negative non-verbal stroke. H e could have given you a more intense non-verbal by punching you in the eye. T o deal you a negative verbal stroke he might have responded to your cheerful Nice day with Huh or even It was until you came along. You might imagine that people would always seek positive strokes and avoid negatives. In reality we work by a different principle: any kind of stroke is better than no stroke at all. This idea is supported by various gruesome studies of animal development. In one two sets of baby rats were kept in identical featureless boxes. One group were given electric shocks several times a day. The other group were not. Rather to the experimenters surprise the group receiving the shocks developed better than those left without this stimulation painful as it was. 1 We are like those rats. To satisfy our stimulus-hunger we can use negative strokes just as readily as positives. 73

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TA Today As infants we know this instinctively. For almost all of us in early childhood there were times when we experienced not getting the positive strokes we needed or wanted. At such times we figured out ways to get negative strokes. Painful as they were we preferred them to the dreaded alternative of being left stroke-deprived. In grown-up life we may re-play this infant pattern and continue to seek out negative strokes. This is the source of some behaviors that seem on the face of it to be self-punishing. We shall meet this idea again when we discuss games rackets and script. Conditional v. unconditional strokes A conditional stroke relates to what you do. An unconditional stroke relates to what you are. Positive conditional: That was a good piece of work you did. Positive unconditional: Youre lovely to have around. Negative conditional: I dont like your socks. Negative unconditional: I hate you. • Make up five examples each of these four kinds of strokes — positive conditional and unconditional negative conditional and unconditional. Think of non-verbal as well as verbal examples of each. In a group have a round in which each person gives a positive conditional stroke to the person on his or her left. Notice each time how the stroke is given and how it is received. When the round is finished discuss what you observed. Then do a round in the other direction. Again discuss how the strokes were given and taken. • Stroking and reinforcement of behavior As infants we test out all sorts of behaviors in order to find out which ones yield us the strokes we need. When a particular behavior does turn out to earn strokes we are likely to repeat that behavior. And each time we get a further stroke from it we become even more ready to use that behavior in future. In this way stroking reinforces the behavior which is stroked. Grown-ups needing strokes just as much as infants are just as ready to mould their behavior in whatever ways seem most effective to keep the strokes coming. Recall that we work by the principle any kind of stroke is better than no stroke at all. If there do not seem to be enough positive strokes to fulfil our need for stroking we will go ahead and seek out negative strokes. Suppose I decided as a child that I had better seek negatives 74

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Strokes rather than risk being stroke-deprived. Then when I receive a negative stroke as a grown-up that negative will act as a reinforcement to my behavior just as effectively as a positive stroke. This helps us further in understanding why people may tenaciously repeat behavior-patterns which appear to be self-punishing. The same knowledge gives us guidance on how we can break free from these negative patterns. We can do so by changing our ways of seeking strokes. Instead of setting up to get painful negative strokes we can set up to get enjoyable positive strokes. And each time we do get a positive stroke for a new behavior we become more ready to repeat that new behavior in future. Here the quality and intensity of strokes are important. Neither of these concepts can be measured numerically. But its common sense to suppose that people will attach different subjective values to strokes according to who those strokes come from and how they are given. For instance suppose we two authors get a positive stroke for the value of this book from a respected practitioner in T A who has just read it from cover to cover. We will certainly experience that stroke as higher in quality than one we might get from someone not interested in T A who has merely scanned the Preface and the chapter titles. Again imagine a child getting a negative stroke from his father for behaving in some way the parent doesnt like. That stroke may be conveyed by a stern voice and wagging finger. Or it may be accompanied by furious yelling and a physical assault. Clearly the child is likely to experience the latter negative as more intense than the former. Giving and taking strokes Some people have a habit of giving strokes that start off sounding positive but have a negative sting at the end. I can see you understand this more or less. Thats a lovely coat — did you buy it in the second-hand shop Strokes like these are called counterfeit strokes. Its as though they give something positive then take it away again. There are also people who are very liberal in doling out positives but do so insincerely. This person will spot you across the room rush up and smother you in a bear-hug. Grinning from ear to ear he says: Wow Im touched that youre here Th e room j ust lit up since you came in An d you know I read that article you wrote and I just thought it was so inspired so insightful... And so on. Eric Berne described this as marshmallow-throwing. Other writers use the term plastic strokes to describe these insincere positives. There are other people who go to the opposite extreme and have trouble in giving any positive strokes at all. Typically this person comes 75

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TA Today Stroke filter When someone gets a stroke that doesnt fit in with her preferred stroke quotient she is likely to ignore it or belittle it. We say that she discounts or filters out the stroke. When she does this you are likely to observe some incongruity in the way she receives the stroke. For instance I may sincerely say to you: I admire your clear thinking in the way youve written this report. But suppose when you were a child you decided: Im good-looking and Im fun but Im no good at thinking. My stroke doesnt fit with your preferred stroke quotient. Hearing my stroke you may say Thanks. But as you say it you curl up your nose and twist your mouth as if something tasted bad. Another frequent way of discounting a stroke is to laugh or giggle: Thanks huh huh 76 from a family where positive stroking was scarce. Cultural background also plays a part. Someone from Britain or Scandinavia is likely to be sparing with positives especially positive physical strokes. Persons from a Latin or Caribbean culture more liberal in positive stroking may experience these northern people as cold and reserved. When it comes to taking strokes we all have our own preferences. I may like to hear strokes for what I do rather than what I am. You may prefer strokes that are unconditional. Maybe I am quite ready to take a fair number of negatives while you feel upset at even a slight negative stroke. You may revel in being stroked physically whereas I squirm at anything more than a handshake. Most of us have certain strokes which we are used to getting. Because of their familiarity we may devalue these strokes. At the same time we may secretly want to receive other strokes which we seldom get. Perhaps I am used to getting positive verbal conditional strokes about my ability to think clearly. I do like these but I feel they are small change. What I may really want is for somebody to tell me: You look great and give me a hug. I may even go a step further and deny to myself that I want the strokes I most want. Suppose that as a small child I wanted Mother to give me big hugs and she seldom did. T o ease the pain of this I might decide to blank out my longing for hugs. As a grown-up I may keep up this strategy without being aware I am doing so. I may steer clear of physical strokes denying to myself the need for them that is still unsatisfied. In TA terms we say that everybody has their preferred stroke quotient. The proverb Different strokes for different folks is another way of saying this. We see too why the quality of a stroke cant be measured objectively: a high-quality stroke to you may be a low-quality stroke to me.

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Strokes Its as if each of us holds up a stroke filter between ourselves and incoming strokes. We filter out strokes selectively. W e let in those strokes that fit with our preferred stroke quotient and keep out those that dont. In turn our stroke quotient serves to maintain our existing picture of ourselves. Some people decide as children that positive strokes are scarce or untrustworthy and decide to survive on negatives instead. In grown-up life they may continue to filter out positives and take in negatives. These people prefer the stick to the carrot. Offered a compliment they are likely to discount it. T do like your hair. Huh Yeah well must remember to wash it sometime. Persons who have had a specially painful childhood may decide it is unsafe to let in any strokes at all. These people keep up a stroke filter so tight that they turn aside virtually all the strokes they are offered. In doing so they maintain their Child security but deprive themselves of the strokes they could get quite safely as grown-ups. Unless they find ways of opening up their stroke filter they are likely to end up withdrawn and depressed. • In a group: think back to the rounds of the group in which you gave and took strokes. Of the strokes given which were straight and which were counterfeit Did anybody throw marshmallows When people were taking strokes who received the stroke with open appreciation Who discounted the offered stroke How did you see and hear them doing so Did anyone openly refuse a stroke they did not want rather than discounting it Now get into sub-groups of four. Decide whether in the coming exercise you will work with positive strokes only or with both positives and negatives. If anyone in the four wants positives only their want must be respected. Take turns at being it. For three minutes the person who is it listens while the other three deliver verbal strokes. The strokes can be conditional or unconditional. When the three minutes is up if shares her or his experience with the others. Consider these questions: Which of the strokes I got did I expect to get Which strokes didnt I expect Which strokes did I like Which strokes did I dislike Are there any strokes Id have liked to get and didnt Then go on to the next it and repeat. • 77

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TA Today The stroke economy Claude Steiner suggests that as children we are all indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive rules about stroking. Dont give strokes when you have them to give. Dont ask for strokes when you need them. Dont accept strokes if you want them. Dont reject strokes when you dont want them. Dont give yourself strokes. These five rules together arc the basis of what Steiner calls the stroke economy. By training children to obey these rules says Steiner parents ensure that.. .a situation in which strokes could be available in a limitless supply is transformed into a situation in which the supply is low and he price parents can extract lor them is high. Steiner believes parents do this as a way of controlling their children. By teaching children that strokes are in short supply the parent gains the position of stroke monopolist. Knowing that strokes are essential the child soon learns to get them by performing in ways which Mother and Father demand. As grown-ups says Steiner we still unawarely obey the five rules. As a result we spend our lives in a state of partial stroke-deprivation. We use much energy in seeking out the strokes we still believe to be in short supply. Steiner suggests that we are readily manipulated and oppressed by agencies who manage to set themselves up in the role of stroke monopolists. These may be governments corporations advertisers or entertainers. Therapists too may be seen as stroke purveyors. To re-claim our awareness spontaneity and intimacy Steiner urges we need to reject the restrictive basic training our parents imposed on us regarding stroke exchange. Instead we can be aware that strokes are available in limitless supply. We can give a stroke whenever we want. No matter how many we give they will never run out. When we want a stroke we can freely ask for it and we can take it when it is offered. If we dont like a stroke we are offered we can reject it openly. And we can enjoy giving ourselves strokes. Not everyone in TA would go all the way with Steiner in his stark portrayal of the stroke economy as a basis for commercial and political oppression. You can arrive at your own view. What is certain is that most of us restrict our stroke exchange in accordance with our early childhood decisions. These decisions were made in response to our infant perceptions of pressure from parents. As grown-ups we can re-assess these decisions and change them if we want to. 7 8

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Strokes • In a group: think back over the stroking exercises you have already done. In the whole group or in sub-groups discuss how you experienced giving accepting and rejecting strokes. Which were you comfortable with Uncomfortable When you were uncomfortable do you trace that back to rules you remember your parents setting for you as a child These rules are likely to have been modeled rather than expressed in words. • Asking for strokes There is one myth about stroking that almost all of us are taught. The myth is: Strokes that you have to ask for are worthless. Here is the reality: strokes that you get by asking are worth just as much as strokes you get without asking. If you want a cuddle ask for it and get it it is just as good a cuddle as one you get by waiting and hoping. You may object: But if I ask maybe the other person will give me the stroke just to be nice. Appraising from Adult we can see this is a possibility. Alternatively the stroke may be sincere. Theres a good chance that others may have been wanting to stroke you but had been hearing their own Parent proclaiming Dont give strokes. You always have the option of checking with the other person whether or not their stroke was genuine. If it was not you have further options. You can choose to take it anyway. Or you can reject their marshmallow and ask for a stroke that is genuine from the same person or from someone else. • In a group: get into sub-groups of four. If you like they can be the same fours as for the exercise in which three people stroked and the fourth listened. This will be an exercise in asking for strokes. Again take turns to be it. This time it takes three minutes to ask the others for strokes. The three strokers respond by giving the stroke asked for if they are genuinely willing to give it. If you are a stroker and are not willing to give the stroke genuinely say to the person asking: T m not willing to give you that stroke right now. Do not offer any explanation. When time is up it shares his or her experience with the others. Then go on to the next it and continue. If you are working individually: write down at least five positive strokes you want but dont usually ask for. They can be verbal non­ verbal or a mixture of both. In the following week ask at least one person for each of these strokes. If you get the stroke thank the stroker. If you do not its OK to ask for Adult information about why the other person did not want to give the stroke you asked for. 79

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TA Today 80

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Strokes The exercise is complete when you have asked for the strokes whether or not you got all of them. When you have asked for all the strokes on your list give yourself a stroke for doing the exercise. • The stroking profile Jim McKenna has devised a diagram which he calls the stroking profile. It analyzes stroking patterns in rather the same way as Dusays egogram analyzes the use of functional ego-states by use of a bar-chart. To make out a stroking profile you begin with the blank diagram shown in Figure 8.1. Yo u draw bars in each of the four columns to represent your intutitive estimate of how frequently you: give strokes take them when they are offered ask for strokes and refuse to give strokes. You make separate estimates under each heading for positive and for negative strokes. The frequency for positives is shown by drawing a bar upwards from the central axis of the diagram. For negatives draw the bar downwards. Figure 8.2 shows one possible example of a completed stroking profile. This person doesnt give many positive strokes but is liberal with negatives. She is keen to take positives from others and often asks for them. She perceives herself as seldom taking or asking for negatives. Frequently she refuses to give positive strokes that other people expect but she is not so ready to refuse giving negatives. How would you feel about relating to the person who drew this stroking profile Figure 8.2 Example of a stroking profile 81

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TA Today 0 Go ahead and draw your own stroking profile. Work rapidly and intuitively. Under asking for strokes in the negative column include times when you set up in some indirect way to get attention from others that was painful or uncomfortable for you. At these times you would be replaying a Child belief: any stroke is better than no stroke at all. In the same way when you are completing the negative column under refuse to give include occasions when you refused to give others negatives which they were setting up indirectly to get from you. Jim McKenna suggests that the negative and positive scales under each heading show an inverse relationship. For instance if a person is low in taking positive strokes he will likely be high in taking negatives. Does this pattern apply to your completed stroking profile Discover if there is anything about your stroking profile that you want to change. If so the way to proceed is to increase the bars you want more of. This says McKenna is more likely to work than aiming to reduce the bars you think you have too much of. In Child you are likely to be unwilling to give up old stroking patterns until you have something better to replace them. If you do want to change your stroking profile note down at least five behaviors designed to increase any bar you want more of. Carry out these behaviors in the coming week. For instance if you decide you want to give more positive strokes to others you might note down one compliment you could genuinely give to each of five of your friends but have never given. Then go ahead and give those compliments during the week. Is McKenna right in suggesting that as you increase the bar you want more of the bar you want less of in the same column decreases automatically 9 Self-stroking Theres no doubt that many of us as children were taught Steiners fifth rule: Dont give yourself strokes. Parents told us: Dont show off Its rude to boast School continued the indoctrination. When we came out at the top of the class or won prizes on sports day it was OK for others to say how good we were. But we ourselves were supposed to shrug and say modestly: Oh it was nothing. As grown-ups we may continue this Adapted Child behavior. By the time we reach adulthood most of us are so used to it that we belittle our own achievements even to ourselves. By doing so we restrict an important source of strokes: self-stroking. S 2

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Strokes We can stroke ourselves at any time. Here are some ways of practicing this pleasant skill. • In a group: do a round of the group in which each person tells the group one good thing about himself or herself. Anyone who isnt willing to do this should simply say pass when their turn comes. Its OK for you to brag openly and sincerely during this exercise. When each person is giving their brag the rest of the group listen closely and show their appreciation of whatever good thing the boaster is sharing. When you have the feel of telling the group one good thing about yourself go on to a more extended brag exercise. In this each member of the group in turn goes into the centre of the circle and brags non-stop for an agreed length of time. The bragger should talk directly to various people around the circle loudly enough so that everyone can hear. If you run out of ideas simply repeat yourself. The rest of the group encourage the bragger by good-natured comments like: Yeah Great stuff Tell us more A variant of this is the self-stroking carousel. The group splits into two. Sit down in two circles one inside the other. The inside circle face out so that people are facing each other in pairs. The group leader or a volunteer needs to keep time. For three minutes the inside person of each pair brags continuously to the outside person who listens and appreciates. The time-keeper calls Change and the outside partner takes over as bragger while the inside person listens. After another three minutes the time-keeper calls Move. Everybody in the inside circle shifts round one place to the left so that they get a new partner and begins bragging again for another three minutes. Then the new outside partner brags for three minutes. The inside circle moves round one place again and so on. Continue until each person has bragged to everyone in the other circle or as long as time and energy last. Working individually: get a large sheet of paper. On it write everything good about yourself. Take as much time to do this as you want. If appropriate in your living circumstances pin the paper up where you can see it often. Otherwise keep it somewhere ready to hand. Each time you think of another good thing about yourself add it to the list on the paper. Make a list of at least five ways you can stroke yourself positively. Maybe you will take time to relax in a warm bath with your favorite music playing. Perhaps you will treat yourself to a special meal or a trip away somewhere. Dont regard these strokes as rewards for anything. Give them to yourself for your own sake. Use Adult appraisal to check that these strokes are really positives. 83

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TA Today Confirm that they are affordable safe and healthy for you. Then go ahead and give yourself each one. • The stroke bank Though self-stroking is an important stroke source it is never a complete replacement for the strokes we get from other people. Its as if each of us has a stroke bank. 6 When we get a stroke from someone we not only take that stroke at the time it is given but store the memory of it away in our stroke bank. Later we can go back to the bank and pull the stroke out to use again as a self-stroke. If the stroke was one we specially appreciated we may re-use it many times over. But eventually these saved-up strokes lose their effectiveness. We need to top up our bank with new strokes from others. Are there good and bad strokes Its tempting to assume that positive strokes are good negative strokes bad. In the literature of TA this assumption has often been made. People have been urged to get and give unlimited numbers of positives preferably unconditional. Parents have been advised that if they dole out a diet of positive strokes their children will grow up OK. In reality the matter is not so simple. Recall that our need for strokes is based on recognition-hunger. Recognition in itself is a stroke. By censoring out whole areas of another persons behavior which we regard as negative we give only partial recognition to that person. A selective diet of unconditional positive strokes may not fit the persons internal experience. And so curiously he may feel stroke-deprived while apparently surrounded by positive strokes. Conditional strokes both positive and negative are important to us because we use them as a way of learning about the world. This is true in our childhood and in our grown-up lives. As a child I threw my bowl of strained carrots all over the floor. Mother yelled at me and I didnt like that. I learned that if I wanted Mother to smile instead of yelling I could do it by keeping my carrots in their bowl. For me as a grown-up conditional strokes perform the same signaling function. A negative conditional tells me that someone doesnt like the way I am behaving. I can then take my own option of whether or not to change my behavior so that they do like it. A positive conditional signals that someone else does like what I am doing. Getting positive conditional strokes helps me feel competent. If negative conditionals are absent I have no grounds to change a behavior even though it may be counter-productive for me. This is what happens when people are too polite to tell someone he has bad breath or 84

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Strokes needs t o wash his shirts mor e often. This person may b e avoided by others but not know what to do about it. I do not need negative unconditional strokes but even they carry messages that I can use for my own good. If someone tells me T cant stand you I know that no change in my behavior is going to alter their view. To look after myself I need to withdraw from their company. There is some evidence that when parents actually manage to rear children on an unchanging regime of positive strokes the child eventually becomes unable to distinguish positives from negatives. 7 He has consistently had part of his internal experience denied or not recognized by his parents. This may lead to a range of problems in later life. Luckily most parents follow their urges and enforce rule-setting by a mixture of negatives and positives. A healthy stroke quotient thus will include both positives and negatives conditionals and unconditionals. This said there are some good reasons for the traditional TA emphasis on positive stroking. Especially in northern cultures people tend to be miserly with positives. In the office the boss may tell his employees off when they come in late. Hes less likely to praise them when they arrive on time. The schoolteacher marking Johnnys spelling test may point out the one word he got wrong and say nothing about the other nine words he got right. Both boss and teacher would improve the effectiveness of their feedback by giving positives for what is good as well as negatives for what is bad. Overall we need more positives than negatives if we are to feel consistently good about ourselves. Strokes v. discounts A straight negative stroke must be clearly distinguished from a discount A discount always entails some distortion of reality. In the context of stroking I discount you if I criticize you in a belittling or distorting way. Unlike a straight negative stroke the discount takes away from the reality of what you are or what you do. We shall take a detailed look at discounts in a later chapter. For now here are some examples of straight negatives contrasted with discounts. Negative conditional stroke: You spelled that word wrong. Discount: I see you cant spell. Negative conditional stroke: T feel uncomfortable when you do that. Discount: You make me feel uncomfortable when you do that. Negative unconditional stroke: T hate you." Discount: Youre hateful. 85

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TA Today 86 Unlike a straight negative a discount gives me no signal on which I can base constructive action. It cannot because the discount itself rests on a distortion of reality.

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Chapter 9 TIME STRUCTURING Whenever people get together in pairs or groups there are six different ways in which they can spend their time. Eric Berne listed these six modes of time structuring as: Withdrawal Rituals Pastimes Activities Games Intimacy. These Berne suggested are all ways of satisfying structure-hunger. When people get into a situation where no time-structure is placed upon them the first thing they are likely to do is to provide their own structure. Robinson Crusoe arriving on his desert island structured his time by exploring and setting up living quarters. Prisoners in solitary confinement make themselves out calendars and daily timetables. If you have ever taken part in a group dynamics exercise where the groups time was initially completely unstructured youll know the discomfort of this situation. Typically people will ask: But what are we here to doT Eventually each group member will resolve this question by engaging in one of the six ways of time-structuring. As we look at each of the six ways we can relate it to what we already know about ego-states and strokes. The intensity of stroking increases as we move down the list from withdrawal to intimacy. In T A literature it has sometimes been suggested that the degree of psychological risk also increases as we go down the list. Certainly the unpredictability of stroking does tend to increase. In particular it becomes less predictable whether we will be accepted or rejected by the other person. From Child we may indeed perceive this unpredictability as a risk to ourselves. When we were children we depended for our OKness on the stroking we got from our parents. We perceived rejection by them as a threat to our survival. For us as grown-ups there is no such risk in any of the ways of time- structuring. Nobody can make us feel. If another person chooses to act in a rejecting way towards me I can enquire why and ask them to change. 87

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TA Today If they do not I can leave the relationship with that person and find another relationship where I am accepted. Withdrawal Lets suppose I am taking part in that group dynamics exercise. A dozen people including me have turned up in a room. We have no agenda other than to be there. For a time we sit in silence. I may turn my attention inward. Perhaps I carry on a monologue in my head. Wonder what were here for Ah well I suppose somebody else knows. Ouch this chair is uncomfortable Maybe if I asked that woman over there shed tell me what this exercise is for... Maybe I go right away from the room in my imagination. While I sit there in body Im off in spirit to next years holiday or yesterdays row with the boss. I am engaging in withdrawal. When a person withdraws she may stay with the group physically but does not transact with other group members. While I withdraw I may be accessing any ego-state. It may not be possible for others to make a behavioral diagnosis of my ego-state at this time because of the lack of external clues. During withdrawal the only strokes I can get or give are self-strokes. Since I do not engage with others I avoid the psychological risk of rejection which I may perceive in my Child. Some people habitually withdraw in groups because they decided as children that it was risky to exchange strokes with others. They may develop a large and well-used stroke bank. Like a camel in the desert these people may be happy to go for long periods without any external stroke input. Nevertheless if I withdraw for a lot of the time I run the eventual risk of drawing down my stroke bank and becoming stroke-deprived. Rituals As we sit there in the group room a man across from me in the group breaks the silence. Turning to his neighbor he says: Well I suppose we might as well introduce ourselves. Im Fred Smith. Nice to meet you. He offers his hand for a handshake. Fred has chosen to structure his time with a ritual. This is a familiar social interaction that proceeds as if it were pre-programmed. All children learn the rituals appropriate in their family culture. If you are from a Western country and someone holds out their hand for a handshake you know you are supposed to take the hand and shake it. An Indian child learns the namaste gesture in the same way. British girls and boys learn that when somebody says How do you do you respond by asking the same ritual question. 88

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Time Structuring Rituals vary in complexity. Simplest of all is the American one- stroke exchange: Hi Hi At the other extreme are some religious rituals. Here the sequence actually is written down and the priest and worshippers follow detailed directions during a ritual that may last for hours. Structurally the program for rituals belongs in the Parent ego-state. In carrying out a ritual we are in Child listening to these Parent directions. Functionally rituals are usually performed in Adapted Child. Most often a ritual brings comfortable results in terms of our adapting to expected norms and so will be classified as positive Adapted Child behavior. Because of the stereotyped words tones and body signals used in rituals it may be difficult to confirm this with behavioral diagnosis. Rituals are perceived from Child as involving more psychological risk than withdrawal. However they provide familiar positive strokes. The participants in a ritual will often keep a close count of the strokes exchanged. Though low in intensity these strokes can be important as a way of topping up our stroke bank. If you doubt this imagine how you might feel if you held out your hand for a handshake and the other person ignored you. The predictability of ritual strokes may be a plus for people who decided in childhood that it was risky to exchange strokes within a closer relationship. Pastimes Back in the group the ice has been broken. Now several people are chatting about their experiences in groups. T did a group like this before in high school. We never did get to know what it was about. Yes I know what you mean. What I dont like is the long silences. Tell you what I think its easy money for the people who set these things up. Why when I enrolled for this group I expected that... And so on. The speakers have moved into a pastime. Often we use the verb and say they are pastiming. A pastime like a ritual proceeds in a way that is familiar. But the content of a pastime is not programmed so strictly as that of a ritual. The pastimers have more leeway to make their own embellishments. In any pastime the participants talk about something but engage in no action concerning it. The pastimers in the group exercise are discussing the group and groups generally. They give no sign that they are going to do anything about what is happening in the group. A frequent clue to pastiming is pastime past time. Most often pastimers will be discussing what happened yesterday somewhere out there rather than now and here. Pastiming is typified by the light superficial conversation heard at cocktail parties. 89

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TA Today Berne gave witty names to some familiar pastimes. Men may pastime around General Motors while women may prefer Kitchen or Wardrobe if they arc comfortable in traditional sex roles. When parents get together theres usually a session of P.T.A. Parent-Teacher Association: Johnnys just getting his second set of teeth through. We were up most of the night last night. Oh yes I remember when our two were that age... For Britishers the best-known pastime of all is one which Berne didnt name: The Weather. Pastimes are usually conducted from Parent or Child ego-states. In a Parental pastime people voice sets of pre-judged opinions about the world. The young people today dont know what theyre coming to. Yes I know. Why only yesterday... Child pastimers go back and re-play thoughts and feelings from when they were children. This silence is making me feel-really uncomfortable. Mm. I wonder what were supposed to be doing here Some pastimes sound on the social level as though they were Adult. But when you think Martian they turn out to be Child. You know as we sit here Im experiencing that we may all be in our Adapted Child. What do you think Well I think Im in my Adult now. But maybe I was in Child a few minutes ago. This is the pastime that Berne called TA Psychiatry. The social- level exchange of information is covering the real agenda which is a Child avoidance of what is really going on between the group members. Obviously we would need to check this assessment by observing tones and non-verbal signals. Pastiming yields mainly positive strokes with some negatives. By comparison with strokes from rituals pastime strokes are more intense but somewhat less predictable. Therefore we perceive them from Child as carrying a slightly greater risk. In social interchanges pastiming serves an additional function. It is a way in which people sound each other out as possible partners for the more intense stroke exchanges which take place in games or intimacy. We will say more about these below. Activities A woman across the group from me speaks up. So far weve been spending our time talking about what we might be supposed to do here. But Im wondering what we are going to do. Heres a suggestion. Hows 9 0

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Time Structuring about we brainstorm for two minutes on things we could do then take a vote and do one of those things Her neighbor responds: I think thats a good idea. Ill stand by the board and be the recorder. People all round the group agree and start calling out their suggestions. Now we are in activity. The communication between the group members is directed at achieving a goal not just talking about it. This is the difference between activities and pastiming. In activity people are directing their energy towards some material outcome. We are likely to be in activity for much of the time at our workplace. Other examples would be repairing an appliance changing the baby or writing a cheque. Someone who plays a sport seriously or works hard to become a skilful player of a musical instrument is engaging in an activity. The Adult is th e predominant ego-state in activity. This follows from the fact that activities are concerned with achieving here-and-now goals. Sometimes in activity we may follow appropriate rules. At such times we switch into positive Adapted Child or positive Parent. Strokes from activity can be both conditional positive and conditional negative. They are usually delayed strokes given at the end of the activity for a jo b well or poorly done. The degree of psychological risk perceived in activity can be greater or less than in pastiming depending on the nature of each. Games In the group room the brainstorm is over. A dozen or so suggestions are scribbled on the board. OK now lets vote says the recorder. Ill call out each suggestion. Hold your hand up if its one you want to do. Voting completed the recorder counts. Well thats clear he says. We start by having a round of the group. Each of us is going to say who we are and what we want to get from being here. Just a minute comes another voice. Everybody looks round at the speaker a man who has told us his name is John . Right now he is leaning forward elbows on knees. He scrunches his brows together in a frown. Im utterly confused by all this. Who said the vote was to be binding on everybody The recorder screws his mouth up into a tense smile tilts his head back and looks down his nose at John. Ah well you see he says thats just how things are with votes. The minority have to go with the majority. Its called democracy. Clear now No sorry Im not John says. In fact youve confused me even more. Whats democracy got to do with it H e screws up his brow even tighter and squints across the room. The recorder sags and gives out a sigh. Shrugging his shoulders he 91

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TA Today looks around the group. Well so much tor that idea he says sadly. But now John too changes his position. Sitting up straight he widens his eyes while his mouth falls open. He slaps himself on the side of the head. Oh no he says. This is the story of my life. Look Im afraid Ive messed up this exercise for all you people. Im sorry I really am. John and the recorder have each just played a game. The analysis of games is a major part of T A theory. We shall look at games in detail in later chapters. For now simply notice the main features of that interchange between John and the recorder. They exchanged a sequence of transactions. At the end of that sequence they both felt bad. Immediately before they got into those bad feelings they seemed quite suddenly to switch roles. John had started by protesting his confusion and sounding irritable. He switched into self-blaming and sounding apologetic. At the same moment the recorder switched from patronising explanation into drooping helplessness. For both parties there was a split second just after the switch when each had a sense that something unexpected was happening. Had they had time to express this sense in words each might have asked: What on earth is going on around here Despite this sense of the unexpected both John and the recorder will actually have run similar sequences many times before. The surroundings and the people may be different from one occasion to the next. But each time the nature of the switch will be the same and so will the bad feelings which each person experiences. In fact John and the recorder had signaled their willingness to play the game with each other right at the beginning of their interchange. They did this by exchanging ulterior transactions. Their social-level messages sounded like an exchange of information. But at psychological level John invited the recorder to play the game and the recorder accepted. We all play games from time to time. When you are identifying your own time-structuring patterns in the exercises below label as Games the time you spend in the kind of interchange we have just described. Its repetitive for you. It ends up with you feeling bad. And at some point it entails a moment when you ask yourself What just happened and get a sense of having switched roles in some way. All games arc re-plays of childhood strategies that arc no longer appropriate to us as grown-ups. Therefore by definition games are played from any negative ego-state part: negative Adapted Child negative Controlling Parent or negative Nurturing Parent. Also by definition games cannot be played from Adult. Games always entail an exchange of discounts. These discounts are on the psychological level. At social level the players experience the game as an exchange of intense strokes. In the opening stages of a game the strokes experienced may be either positive or negative. At the close of 92

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Time Structuring the game both players experience intense negatives. The degree of psychological risk perceived is greater than in activities or pastimes. Intimacy As I listen to John protesting his confusion then switching to apology I start to feel angry. Instead of holding down my anger I express it. Turning to John I tell him: Im really angry at you for what youve just said. You can think just as well as anybody else. I want you to get on and do it. I speak these words in a harsh loud voice. Leaning over toward John I feel myself going red in the face. My tones and body signals are congruent with what I am expressing. Johns face goes as red as mine. Leaning towards me and almost rising from his chair he waves his arms above his head. Well Im angry too he yells. Ive been feeling that way since I came in here. Yes I can think and right now I want some space to myself to do that without you shouting at me. John and I have been in intimacy. We have expressed our authentic feelings and wants to each other without censoring. In intimacy there are no secret messages. The social level and the psychological level are congruent. That is an important difference between intimacy and games. Just as important is that in intimacy the feelings expressed are appropriate to finish the situation. When John and I got angry with each other each let the other know what he wanted through emotions as well as words. Neither of us could make the other behave in a particular way. But we had each made as clear as possible what we wanted on a feeling as well as a thinking level. By contrast the feelings experienced at the end of a game do nothing to resolve the situation for the players. We know this because games are played over and over again. When we come to look in more detail at games and rackets we shall return to this distinction between productive and unproductive feelings. Bernes choice of the word intimacy here should be understood as a specialized technical usage. Intimacy as a time structure may or may not have much to do with intimacy in the usual dictionary sense. When people are being sexually or personally intimate they may perhaps also be sharing their feelings and wants openly with each other. In that case they are structuring their time in intimacy. But its common also for intense emotional relationships to be founded mainly on game-playing. Games are sometimes used as a substitute for intimacy. They involve a similar intensity of stroking though game strokes are mainly negative but without the same degree of perceived risk. In a game each person shifts the responsibility for the outcome to the other. In intimacy each accepts his own responsibility. 93

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TA Today Writing of the ego-states concerned in intimacy Berne said: Intimacy is a candid Child-to-Child relationship with no games and no mutual exploitation. It is set up by the Adult ego-states of the parties concerned so that they understand very well their contracts and commitments with each other... We have supplied the italics in this quotation to emphasize the importance of the Adult in intimacy. Some TA writers since Berne have simplifed his presentatio n and portrayed intimacy as being purely a Child- Child interchange. As usual Bernes original idea turns out to be more subtle and significant. To relate in intimacy we first need to establish the relationship with our full Adult powers of thinking behaving and feeling. Within this protective framework we can go back into Child if we want to sharing and satisfying some of the unmet needs we carry from our early years. Some TA writers have suggested that intimacy also entails mutual caring and protection from Parent. 2 The message from this ego-state is: T wont discount you and I wont allow you to discount me. Stroking in intimacy is more intense than in any other form of time- structuring. Either positive or negative strokes may be exchanged. But there will be no discounting since intimacy is by definition an exchange of authentic wants and feelings. When we were describing intimacy earlier in this section we deliberately chose an example in which the strokes exchanged were straight negatives. This was to counter the impression given by some TA writers after Berne that intimacy must always be a kind of seventh- heaven of positive stroking. When intimacy does entail an exchange of positive strokes they are experienced as especially pleasant and gratifying. For example we can imagine one way in which that scene in the group might continue. Having let fly my anger against John I relax look him in the eye and smile. I say: Hey I feel I know you better now. Im glad you were open with me about how you felt. John looks back at me just as directly. He smiles and says: Im glad too. And I like that you listened to me. We lean towards each other and clasp hands. Because intimacy is not pre-programmed it is also the most unpredictable of all the ways of time-structuring. Thus from Child I may perceive intimacy as being the most risky way to relate to another person. Paradoxically it is actually the least risky. When I and the other person are in intimacy we are communicating without discounting. Therefore the outcome of intimacy must always be constructive for the people concerned. Whether or not they will always find it comfortable is another matter. It is likely to depend on whether the strokes exchanged are straight positives or straight negatives. • Make a time-structuring pie chart. To do this draw a circle. Divide the 94

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Time Structuring circle into slices representing the amounts of your typical waking day that you spend in the six different forms of time structuring. Find out whether you want to change the look of your time- structuring pie. If so draw the version you want to achieve. Write down at least five ways in which you will increase the amount of the time-structure you most want to increase. In the coming week carry out these behaviors. Then re-draw your time-structuring pie. Be alert each day to how you and others structure time. Analyze time-structuring during meetings at work in conversations with neighbors at parties or wherever. Do not tell others what you are doing unless you are sure they want to know. In a group: make up sub-groups of six. Choose any topic of conversation. Talk about it for three minutes with each person role- playing one of the six ways of time-structuring. At the end of time discuss your experience. Choose another topic shift time-structuring roles and repeat. In the large group count off round the room from one to six. All the ones are to role-play withdrawing the twos rituals the threes pastiming and so on. Then mill around and have a time-structure cocktail party for five minutes with everyone in role. At the end of time share your experience with the rest of the group. 95

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Chapter 10 THE NATURE AND ORIGINS OF LIFE-SCRIPT You have written your own life-story. You began writing it at birth. By the time you were four years old you had decided on the essentials of the plot. At seven you had completed your story in all its main details. From then until you were about twelve years of age you polished it up and added a few extras here and there. In adolescence you revised your story updating it with more real-life characters. Like all stories your life-story has a beginning a middle and an end. It has its heroes heroines villains stooges and walk-on characters. It has its main theme and its sub-plots. It may be comic or tragic enthralling or boring inspiring or inglorious. Now that you are an adult the beginnings of your story are out of reach of your conscious memory. You may not have been aware until now that you wrote it at all. Yet without that awareness you are likely to live out the story you composed all those years ago. That story is your life-script. • Suppose for now that you have indeed written the story which is your own life. Take pencil and paper and write down answers to the following questions. Work quickly and intuitively accepting the first answers you bring to mind. What is the title of your story What kind of story is it Happy or sad Triumphant or tragic Interesting or boring Use your own words putting them down just as you bring them to mind. In a few sentences describe the closing scene: how does your story end Keep your answers. You can refer to them again as you read more about the nature of life-script. In everyday TA language we usually refer to life-script simply as script. Nature and definition of life-script The theory of script was first developed by Eric Berne and his co- 99

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TA Today workers notably Claude Steincr in the mid-1960s. Since then many writers have built on those original ideas. The concept of script has grown in importance as a part of T A theory until now it ranks with the ego-state model as a central idea of TA. 1 In Principles of Group Treatment Berne defined life-script as an unconscious life plan. Later in What Do You Say After You Say Hello he gave a more complete definition: a life plan made in childhood reinforced by the parents justified by subsequent events and culminating in a chosen alternative. To develop understanding of script its worth taking time to explore the detail of these definitions. Script is a life plan The notion that peoples grown-up life patterns arc affected by childhood experience is central not only to TA but to many other psychological approaches. Where TA script theory is distinctive is in its suggestion that the child lays down a specif icplan for her life rather than simply a general view of the world. This life plan the theory suggests is laid out in the form of a drama with a clear-cut beginning middle and end. Script is directed towards a payoff Another distinctive assertion of script theory is that the life plan culminates in a chosen alternative. When the young child writes his life drama he writes the closing scene as an integral part of it. All the other parts of the plot from the opening scene onwards are then planned to lead up to this final scene. In the technical language of script theory this closing scene is called the payoff of the script. The theory suggests that when as adults we play out our script we are unawarely choosing behaviors which will bring us closer to our script payoff. Script is decisional Berne defines the script as a life plan made in childhood. This is to say that the child decides upon the life plan. It is not determined solely by external forces such as the parents or by the environment. In technical T A language we express this by saying that the script is decisional. It follows that even where different children are brought up in the same environment they may decide upon quite different life plans. Berne relates a story of two brothers who were both told by their mother: Youll finish up in an asylum. One of the brothers became an in-patient in a mental hospital the other became a psychiatrist. In script theory the term decision is used in a technical sense 100

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The Nature and Origins of Life-Script different from the usual dictionary meaning of the word. The childs script decisions arc not made in the deliberate thinking way which we associate with adult decision-making. The earliest decisions result from feelings and are made before the child has words. They depend also on a different kind of reality-testing from that used by adults. Script is reinforced by the parents Though the parents cannot determine a childs script decisions they can exert a major influence upon them. From a childs earliest days her parents are giving her messages on the basis of which she forms conclusions about herself others and the world. These script messages are non-verbal as well as verbal. They form the framework in response to which the childs main script decisions are made. In Chapters 13 and 14 we shall look at the various kinds of script message and how they relate to script decisions. Script is outside of awareness In grown-up life the nearest we come to a memory of our earliest years is in dreams and fantasies. Unless we take time to work with and discover our script we are likely to remain unaware of the early decisions we made even though we may be living them out in our behavior. Reality is redefined to justify the script When Berne wrote that the script is justified by subsequent events he might have done better to put quotation marks around justified. What we often do is to interpret reality in our own frame of reference so that it appears to us to justify our script decisions. We do this because in our Child ego-slate we may perceive any threat to our script-based view of the world as a threat to the satisfaction of our needs or even a threat to our survival. When we look at discounting redefining and frames of reference in later chapters we shall see how this distortion occurs and how it relates to life problems. Origins of the script Why do we make these sweeping infant decisions about ourselves others and the world What function do they serve The answers lie in two crucial features of script formation. 1 Script decisions represent the infants best strategy for surviving in a 101

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TA Today world which often seems hostile even life-threatening. 2 Script decisions are made on the basis of an infants emotions and reality-testing. In our discussion of these in the following sections we acknowledge our debt to the work of Stan Woollams. Response to a hostile world The infant is small and physically vulnerable. To her the world is populated by lumbering giants. An unexpected noise may signal that her life is in immediate danger. Without words or coherent thinking she knows that if Mother and Father go away she will die. If they get too angry with her they may annihilate her. And the infant does not have grown-up understanding of time. If she is hungry or cold and Mother does not come then perhaps Mother will never come and that means death. Or it could mean what is worse than death — being left alone for ever and ever. When the child is two or three years old perhaps a brother or sister is born. The toddler now that she is bigger knows she will probably not die because of this. But all Mothers attention seems to be taken up by the new arrival. Maybe there is not enough love to go round Will the baby take it all The threat now is the loss of Mothers love. Right through the years of script formation the child is in a one- down position. She perceives her parents as having total power. In her infancy that power is of life or death. Later it is to satisfy her needs or leave them unsatisfied. Her response is to decide upon strategies for staying alive and getting her needs met as best she can. Early reality-testing and emotion A young child does not think like a grown-up. Nor does she experience emotion in the same way. Script decisions are made on the basis of a childs distinctive ways of thinking and feeling. The babys emotional experience is of rage utter misery terror or ecstasy. He makes his early decisions in response to these intense feelings. Thus it is not surprising that the decisions are often extreme. Say for instance he has to be in hospital for an operation. This is not a pleasant experience even for a grown-up. But for the infant it may be a terrifying disaster. As well as his scare he feels abject sadness that Mother is not there and perhaps never will be again. And he is filled with rage because she has let this happen to him. He may decide: These people want to kill me. Mother let it happen so she wants to kill me too. Id better kill them all before they get me. 10 2

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The Nature and Origins of Life-Script In the logic of the infant the rule is to reason from the particular to the general. For instance suppose the childs mother is inconsistent in responding to his demands. Perhaps she comes sometimes when he cries but ignores him at other times. The child doesnt just conclude Mother is untrustworthy. Instead he may decide People cant be trusted or perhaps Women cant be trusted. A girl of four or five may feel furious at Father for ceasing to give her the warm attention he lavished on her when she was a toddler. She is likely to decide not just Im furious at Father but Im furious at men. The child may compensate for his feeling of powerlessness by imagining he is omnipotent or can work magic. Maybe he senses that Mother and Father get along badly with each other. Particularly if he is an only child he may decide Its my fault. If his parents get into physical fights he may believe it is his job to protect one parent from the other. If the child senses he is being rejected by a parent he may attribute the fault to himself deciding Theres something wrong with me. Young children have difficulty in distinguishing between urges and deeds. A toddler may feel T want to kill this new baby whos getting all the attention To her this amounts to saying T have killed the new baby. She may then conclude: As a murderer I am bad and horrible. In grown-up life this person may carry a vague feeling of guilt for the crime she never committed. A central skill of T A is to develop a sense for this kind of infant logic. Linguists talk of Sprachgefuehl the feeling for a language. Particularly if you want to use T A in therapy it pays to acquire a feeling for the childs language of script. T o improve your understanding of this language you can read the work of Erikson Piaget and other investigators of child development.To get a feel of what it means for you pay attention to your dreams. They are the nearest we come in grown-up life to a memory of what that hostile world was like to us as infants. • EXERCISES: DISCOVERING YOUR OWN SCRIPT Dreams fantasies fairy-tales and childhood stories can all give us clues to our script. Here are some exercises using these. When you are doing the exercises let your imagination run free. Dont bother thinking what they are for or what they mean. Dont censor or try to figure out what you are supposed to say. Just accept your first images and the feelings that may come with them. You can do your interpreting and deciphering afterwards. You will get the most from the exercises if you find a group or partner to work with. Whether in a group or working individually its also a good idea to record your responses on tape. Just turn the recorder on and let it 103

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TA Today run during the exercise. Afterwards play it back several times and let your intuition bring meanings to the surface. You will be amazed at the amount you learn about yourself and your script. While doing any of these exercises it is possible that you may begin to experience strong emotions. These will be childhood feelings which you are bringing to the surface along with your script memories. If you do have this experience you can decide at any point to stop or continue the exercise. If you choose to stop cease the exercise and fix your attention on some prominent object in the room. Tell yourself or your partner what the object is what colour it is and what it is used for. Think of some routine grown-up topic such as what you will be having for your next meal or when you next need to be at your workplace. While doing this stand or sit up straight with your head and body balanced around a vertical mid-line. Hero or heroine Who is your favorite character It may be someone from a childhood story. Perhaps it is a hero or heroine from a play book or film you remember. Maybe it is a real person. Choose the first character you bring to mind. Now turn on your recorder and/or get attention from your partner or group. Become your chosen character. Talk about yourself for as long as you like. Use the word I... For example: suppose my story hero is Superman. I may start off: T m Superman. My job is to help people with problems. I fly in from nowhere do all sorts of miraculous things then disappear again. Most of the time nobody knows Im Superman because I go around in disguise... Whoever your chosen character is now go ahead be him or her and talk about yourself. Story or fable A variation of the first exercise is to tell a story or fable. Again choose any one you like — the first one you bring to mind is best. It may be a childhood fairy-tale a classic myth or anything else you want. You might begin: Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl who was sent to sleep for ages and ages by her evil stepmother. She lay in a room deep inside a castle. Round the castle was a prickly hedge. Kings and princes came looking for the girl but none of them was strong enough to hack through the hedge... To get even more from the story you can go on and become each one of the people and things in the story. Each time talk about yourself. From the story above you could choose to be the girl the stepmother 104

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The Nature and Origins of Life-Script the room the castle one of the princes and the hedge. As the hedge you might say: Im a hedge. Im sturdy rough and prickly. All my prickles point outwards so that people cant hack me around. My job is to protect that young girl whos asleep inside me... Dream Choose a dream of yours. You are likely to learn most from a recent dream or one which recurs but any dream will do. Tell the dream. Relate it in the present tense not the past. Then just as you did with your story become each of the people and things in the dream and talk about yourself. Recall how you felt immediately after you awoke from the dream. Was it a pleasant or unpleasant feeling Did you like how the dream ended If you did not you can continue the exercise by re-writing your dream ending. Tell the re-written ending just as you told the dream using the present tense. Test whether youre now fully satisfied with the dreams ending. If not re-write it again as many times as you want to. Object in the room Look around the room. Choose any object you see. The best one is the first one you think of. Now be that object and talk about yourself. For example: Im the door. Im hard square and wooden. Sometimes I get in peoples way. But when I do they just push me to one side... To get even more from this exercise ask a partner to conduct a conversation with you as the object you have chosen. The partner is not to make interpretations. He is just to talk with you as the door the fireplace or whatever you have chosen to be. For instance: Im the door. When I stand in peoples way they push me aside. Well door how do you feel when people push you aside I feel angry. But Im a door and I cant talk. I just let them do it. Aha. So is there anything you want to change door to feel better See your life as a play For this exercise you need someone to act as a guide and talk you through it while you relax. Alternatively record the cues on tape and listen to them while relaxed. One guide can lead a group of people through the exercise. The guide need not follow the cues as written here word for word. In fact it is better if she simply jots down a few reminders of the sequence to follow then improvises the wording. She should allow plenty of pauses between sentences. This gives the participants time to develop their visualizations. 105

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TA Today 10 6 Get relaxed in a chair or on the floor. It may help to close your eyes. The guide then goes ahead on these lines: Imagine youre in a theatre. Youre waiting for a play to start. This play is your very own life story. What kind of play is this youre going to watch Is it a comedy a tragedy Is it a high drama or a kitchen-sink opera Is it interesting or boring heroic or matter-of-fact — or what Is the theatre full half-empty empty Are the audience going to be enthralled or bored Happy or sad Are they going to applaud or walk out — or what Whats the title of this play of yours — your very own life-story So now the lights are going down. The curtain is opening. Your very own play is just beginning. And you see the first scene. This is the very first scene of your life. You are very very young in this scene. What do you see round you Who is there Do you see faces or parts of faces If you see a face see the expression on that face. What do you hear Be aware of what you feel. Maybe you feel some feeling in your body. Maybe you feel some emotion. Do you smell or taste anything Give yourself time now to be aware of this very first scene in your play. Pause Now the scene changes. In this next scene of your play you are a young child — maybe three to six years old. Where are you What can you see round about you Are there any other people there Who is there Are they saying anything to you Are you saying anything to them Do you hear any other sounds What do you feel in this scene Do you feel any sensations or feelings in your body Do you feel any emotions Maybe you smell something or taste something Take time now to be aware of all you see hear feel taste or smell in this second scene of your play — the scene when you are three to six years old. Pause Then the guide runs through the same cues for the following scenes in the play one after the other: Teenage scene about ten to sixteen years old Present scene the age you are now Scene ten years in the future The last scene of your play — your death scene. In giving the cues for this scene the guide should also ask How old are you in this last scene of your play Finally the guide asks you to come back to the present taking all the time you need. Share as much of your experience as you want to with the group or a partner. •

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Chapter 11 HOW THE SCRIPT IS LIVED OUT Having written our infant life-story we are likely to go ahead and live it out for at least some of the time in our adult life. In this chapter we describe how you may live out your script as a winner loser or non-winner. We show how people may move into and out of script-determined behavior and explain why knowledge of script is important in understanding peoples life patterns. Your script has both content and process. Youll remember that content refers to what while process refers to how. The content of your script is different from anyone elses. It is as unique as a fingerprint. Script process on the other hand seems to fall into a relatively small number of distinctive patterns. We shall look at these in a later chapter. Winning losing and non-winning scripts In terms of content we can classify scripts under three headings: winning losing or hamartic non-winning or banal. Winning script Berne defined a winner as someone who accomplishes his declared purpose. Robert Goulding added: and makes the world a better place as a result. Winning also implies that the declared purpose be met comfortably happily and smoothly. If I decide as a child that I am going to be a great leader and eventually I become a successful fulfilled general or politician basking in public praise I am a winner. If I decide to be a millionaire then I win if I grow up to be a happy comfortable millionaire. If I decide to become a penniless hermit and go on to become that hermit living happily in my cave I am a winner. Winning is always relative to the goals I set for myself. Losing script By contrast a loser means someone who does not accomplish a declared purpose. Once again its not just the accomplishment or otherwise that matters but the degree of comfort that goes with it. If I 107

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TA Today decide to become a great leader join the army and finish up being drummed out in disgrace I am a loser. If my political life is ended by a scandal over which I am thrown out of office I am a loser. If I decide to be a millionaire and finish up as a penniless hermit I am a loser. But I am also a loser if I decide to be a millionaire become one and feel perpetually miserable because of my ulcer and the pressure of business. If I get my hermits cave and live there complaining of my poverty the dampness and the lack of company Im a loser. Berne was careful to define winner and ioser in relation to accomplishing declared purposes because he wanted to emphasize that winners were not simply to be equated with people who piled up material goods and money. Nor were losers necessarily those people who were short of material things. The fact is though that some of us in childhood may decide to achieve a purpose which cannot be attained without misery self- limitation or even physical harm. For example the infant may decide without words: Im supposed to fail at whatever I do and then go ahead to live out that script decision. To achieve his declared purpose he fails at things. Another child may decide early in life: To be loved by Mother and Father I have to drop dead and go on to achieve that tragic purpose. Scripts with this kind of payoff would be called losing by everyone even though they do not fit the letter of Bernes definition. Losing scripts can be broadly classified as first- second- and third- degree according to the severity of the payoff. A first-degree losing script is on e where the failures and losses are mild enough to be discussed in the persons social circle. Examples might be repetitive quarrels at work mild depression with out-patient treatment or failure at college examinations. Second-degree losers experience unpleasant script outcomes that are serious enough to be unacceptable topics for social conversation. This might mean being fired from a series of jobs being hospitalized for severe depression or being expelled from college for misconduct. A third-degree losing script culminates in death serious injury or illness or a legal crisis. Third-degree payoffs might be imprisonment for stealing the firms funds lifelong hospitalization for a psychiatric disorder or suicide after failing final examinations. We often use the term hamartic to describe third-degree losing scripts and their payoffs. The word is derived from the ancient Greek hamartia meaning a basic flaw. It reflects the way in which a losing script like an ancient Greek drama seems to lead inexorably from the early negative decision to the tragic final scene. Non-winning script Someone with a non-winning script is a middle-of-the-roader. He plods 108

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How the Script is Lived Out along from day to day not making any big wins but not making any big losses either. He doesnt take risks. This kind of script pattern is often called banal. At work a non-winner will not become the boss. H e will not be fired either. Instead he will likely serve out his working years be awarded a marble clock and go into quiet retirement. He may sit in his rocking- chair reflecting: T could have been the boss if only Id been in the right place at the right time. Ah well I didnt do so bad I suppose. Winners losers and non-winners Berne suggested that you could tell a winner from a loser by asking him what he would do if he lost. H e said a winner knows but doesnt talk about it. A loser doesnt know and all he can talk about is winning: When I make my first million... When my horse comes in.... He stakes everything on one option and that is how he loses. A winner always has additional options and that is how he wins. If one thing doesnt work out he does something else until he is successful. A non-winner sometimes wins and sometimes loses but never very big in either direction because he doesnt take risks. He plays it safe and that is how he remains a non-winner. Cautions on classification This classification of scripts as winning non-winning and losing is only approximate. What may count as a non-winning payoff to you may be a winning payoff to me. What is unacceptable in my social circle may be OK in yours. In fact most of us decide on scripts which are a mixture of winning non-winning and losing. In my unique set of childhood decisions I perhaps set myself up to be a winner at brainwork a non-winner at physical activity and a first-degree loser at personal relationships. Your personal combination of decisions may be entirely different. Most important of all is to realize that any script can be changed. By becoming aware of my script I can discover any areas in which I made losing decisions and change them to winning decisions. The winning- nonwinning-losing classification is useful information about the past. It gives me a valuable road-map for present changes. In no way is it an unchangeable statement about the future. • Review what you discovered about your own script when you did the exercises in the last chapter. Would you say your script has been mainly winning mainly losing or mainly banal Do you identify specific areas in your life where you have set 109

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TA Today yourself up to be a winner a loser a nonwinner Are there areas in which you have so far been a loser or nonwinner and would like to be a winner If so for each of these areas write down how you would know you were winning instead of losing or nonwinning in that area. What would be your winning outcomes Then for each area write down at least five actions you can take to bring about your winning outcomes. Do one of these actions each day. If you are working in a group report back on your successes. © The script in adult life As grown-ups we sometimes re-play the strategies we decided upon as infants. At these times we respond to here-and-now reality as if it were the world we pictured in our early decisions. When we do so we are said to be in script. Another way of saying this is that we are engaging in scripty behavior or feelings. Why do we do this Why dont we just leave our infant decisions behind as we grow up The primary reason is that we are still hoping to resolve the basic issue that was left unresolved in our infancy: how to get unconditional love and attention. Thus as adults we frequently react as if we were still infants. In common with many other therapies T A sees this fact as the source of most life-problems. When we get into script we are usually not aware that we are re- enacting infant strategics. We can develop this awareness by understanding our script and discovering our own early decisions. It is not possible to predict accurately whether someone will get into script at a particular moment. But there are two factors that make it more likely: 1 When the here-and-now situation is perceived as stressful. 2 When there is some resemblance between the here-and-now situation and a stressful situation in childhood. These two factors reinforce each other. Stress and the script Stan Woollams has suggested the idea of a stress scale The greater the stress the more likely the person is to get into script. If we grade stress say from 1 to 101 may get into script in a situation that is stressful at level 6 or higher. You may be able to go up to 8 before moving into script. Say I have a disagreement with my immediate line manager. This represents only a level 3 stress. So I stay out of script. I discuss our differences in an Adult way. I reason that my manager and I will either 110

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How the Script is Lived Out work out a compromise or have to agree to differ. If its the latter then no disaster. But say now the line manager calls in the Director. An argument with the boss counts as level 6 on the stress scale. I flip into script. Faced with the Director I activate the same physical reactions feelings and thoughts I used to have as a child when my angry father loomed over me like a giant shouting words of abuse I couldnt understand. Without realizing it consciously I have made the Director become my father. And I respond as if I were a terrified kid of three again. The stress scale is a good way of pointing up the relationship between stress and scripty responses. It does not mean that stress can make anyone go into script. The movement into script is decisional even though the decision is out of awareness. Its probable that simply by learning about script I will become able to take greater stress before I move into scripty behavior. If I undertake personal therapy I can further improve my ability to problem-solve rather than reverting to scripty behavior. Rubberbands When I went into script in my argument with the Director it wasnt just because the situation was stressful. It was also that the here-and-now scene resembled a painful scene from my childhood. In TA language we say that the present situation is a rubberband back to the early situation. This expresses graphically how we respond at times as though we had been catapulted back to early childhood scenes. Imagine a gigantic rubber band stretching through time. It hooks on to some feature of the present that recalls childhood pain and twang — off we go into the past. Usually we have no conscious memory of the childhood scene. Thus we also dont recognize the point of resemblance. For me the rubberband stretched from the Director back to my angry father. But while 1 was quailing before the Directors wrath I didnt consciously realize my father was there behind him. Because Mother and Father are such important figures in our early life they arc often to be found at the far end of rubberbands. So are our siblings and other parent-figures like grandparents aunts and uncles. Whenever we join a group of people we are likely to cast each of the group in the role of a parent or sibling. Talking to anyone with whom we relate significantly we identify them some of the time with figures from the past. We do so without conscious awareness. This is the phenomenon that Freudians call transference. In TA we refer to it colloquially as putting a face on someone. When I went into script in my argument with the boss I was putting my fathers face on him. Il l

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TA Today 112 Rubberbands do not always stretch back to people. We can also hook back to sounds smells particular surroundings or anything else that reminds us unawarely of stressful situations in childhood. One of the goals of change in TA is to disconnect rubberbands. Through script understanding and personal therapy I can resolve the original trauma and free myself of the pull back to old childhood scenes. By doing so I allow myself to tackle here-and-now situations with all the grown-up resources at my command. • Think of a recent situation in which you were under stress and which ended unpleasantly or unsuccessfully for you. In particular think what bad feeling you experienced during that situation. You need not actually experience that feeling again while you do this exercise. Now recall a situation during the past year which turned out badly for you in a similar way and in which you felt the same bad feeling. Go back about five years and recall a similar situation in which you felt that same bad feeling. Now bring back the memory of a similar unpleasant situation with the same bad feeling from your teenage years. Recall now a similar scene with a similar bad feeling from your childhood. What age were you If you can think back to a similar scene or scenes from even earlier in your childhood. What age were you Who was there What was happening The aim of this exercise is to trace the far end of the rubberband. What was the similarity between the recent experience and your childhood experience If another person was involved in the recent experience what face from the past were you putting on him or her Once you are aware what past situation you were replaying you can begin disconnecting the rubberband. Use Adult awareness to remind yourself that people in the here-and-now are in fact different from Father Mother or others whose faces you may have put on them. If you begin experiencing that same bad feeling let yourself be aware that the present situation is different from that in the past. You now have the resources and options of a grown-up person as well as those of the child you were in the early scene. • Script and the body It seems that we make some of our earliest decisions with our body as well as our mind. Perhaps the infant wants to reach out for Mother. But he discovers that Mother often draws away from him. To quell the pain of this rejection he suppresses his bodily urge. To stop himself reaching out he tenses his arms and shoulders. Many years later as a grown-up he may still hold this tension. But he

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How the Script is Lived Out will be unaware he is doing so. He may experience aches and pains in his shoulders or his neck. Under deep massage or in therapy he may feel the tension and then release it. With that release he is likely to release also the flood of feeling he had repressed since infancy. Eric Berne wrote of script signals. These are bodily clues that indicate a person has moved into script. Perhaps she will sigh deeply change position or tense up part of her body. Berne drew attention especially to tensions in the sphincters the muscles that close the various body openings. Some TA therapists have specialized in this area of bodyscript Why script understanding is important Why is the life-script such an important concept in TA theory The reason is that it gives us a way of understanding why people behave in the ways they do. We specially need this understanding when we are examining ways of behaving that seem on the face of it to be painful or self-defeating. For instance when we look at games later in the book we shall find people getting into painful interchanges that they repeat over and over. Why do we keep doing this sort of thing when it is so uncomfortable Script theory suggests an answer: we do it to reinforce and further our script. When we are in script we are clinging to infant decisions. For us as infants these decisions seemed the best possible way of surviving and getting needs met. As grown-ups we still hold this belief in our Child ego-state. Without conscious awareness we seek to set up the world so that it appears to justify our early decisions. When in script we attempt to meet adult problems by re-playing infant strategies. Necessarily these bring the same results as they brought when we were infants. When we get those uncomfortable results we can say to ourselves in our Child ego-state: Yes. The world is like 1 decided it was. And each time we confirm our script beliefs in this way we can take a step closer to our script payoff. For example I may have decided as a baby: Theres something wrong with me. People reject me. The ending of my story will be to die sad and alone. In grown-up life I may further this life-plan by setting up to be rejected time and time again. With each rejection 1 tick up another confirmation that my closing scene is a lonely death. Outside of my awareness I may be holding the magical belief that if I play out this ending Mother and Father will change and love me at last. The script as magical solution The script offers a magical solution for resolving the basic issue that was 113

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TA Today unresolved in childhood: how to get unconditional love and acceptance. As adults we have a hard time letting go of that magic because as kids we often identified with a fairy-tale and our fantasy is that if we can make our life go like the fairy-tale we too can end up living happily ever after. The only problem is that fairy-tales perpetrate a hoax on kids. They teach that if you want to have something good happen to you you first have to be a big enough victim to deserve it. For example if you want to marry a prince you have some interesting choices. You can work hard suffer sit in the ashes and weep and wait for your fairy godmother to come along and send you off to the ball. Or you can eat a poisoned apple or prick your finger on a poisoned spindle and wait for some guy to come along who has an investment in kissing dead women. Or you can get locked up in a tower grow long hair and wait for somebody to come by who has an investment in finding women who are institutionalized. Or you can go around kissing toads or trying to turn beasts into princes. If you want to marry a princess the choices are equally appealing. You can go around kissing dead women or looking for women who are locked up. Or you can try to find women who run away from you or go around acting beastly or froggy. If you want to end up being successful and well liked you first have to start out being ugly and made fun of. The positive thing that fairy-tales do is to give kids a sense of power and control over their lives at a time when they feel powerless. The only problem is that the solution offered is magical and does not work in reality but at least it enables the child to survive in a situation that might otherwise seem hopeless. Later in adult life the Child in us continues to hold on to that magical belief and keeps trying to make it work. If it hasnt worked yet then maybe we havent suffered enough to deserve the rescue. A part of moving out of the script is to give up the belief in a perfect world. Instead we can begin to use our Adult to problem-solve and figure out how to get our needs met in a world that wont ever be perfect but can be beautiful and enjoyable. The script as protection against disaster There is still another reason why people cling so tenaciously to script beliefs. Suppose I am faced with the possibility of behaving thinking or feeling in some way that docs not fit with my script. To me in Child this would mean having to give up the magical solution and that seems bad enough. But it would also mean I had to face up to what I feared might happen instead of the magical outcome I had been hoping for. When I made my script decisions as an infant it seemed to me that the only alternative to following these decisions would be some terrible unspeakable disaster. I had no clear conception of what that disaster 114

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How the Script is Lived Out might be. I knew only that I was terrified of it. At all costs it had to be avoided. And the only way I knew of avoiding it was to cling to the decisions I had made about myself others and the world. Each time I could confirm these decisions I made it seem less likely that the catastrophe would overtake me. When we play out our script in grown-up life we are still following this infant motivation. That is why people will often report that they feel more comfortable continuing to follow ways of behaving which at the same time they recognize as self-damaging. Without being aware of it they are acting out the belief: The way Im behaving now is painful. But its not nearly as bad as the unknown disaster that would happen if I changed my behavior. All this helps us see why script understanding is so important to the process of personal change. To move out of script T have to identify the needs I did not have met as a child. I have to find ways of getting those needs met now using my grown-up resources instead of relying on the scripts magical solution. And 1 have to assure myself that I can break free of my script patterns without having to face the disaster I so much dreaded when 1 was an infant. The script and the life course Berne wrote: The script is what the person planned to do in early childhood and the life course is what actually happens. Your life course is the result of four interacting factors: heredity external events script autonomous decisions. My inheritance of genes largely determines my physical make-up. It may also help determine my mental characteristics though there is still no agreement in the nature vs. nurture argument. Perhaps I decide as a child that my destiny in life is t o be a famous athlete. If heredity has given me a body that is only moderately fast and strong then I may do better to find a different way of fulfilling myself. Perhaps my early decision was to live to a healthy old age. I may be unfortunate enough to be caught in a lire earthquake or plane crash even though I have not set up in any way for such an outcome. A chance external event has cut across my decision to live. Sometimes external influences disrupt negative script patterns. For instance when a countrys population is pulling together during wartime fewer people suffer from neurotic complaints than in 115

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TA Today peacetime. This is not an argument in favor of war. There are more comfortable ways of curing neurosis. Whether or not I undertake formal therapy many of my life decisions can be taken with full use of my grown-up resources. We say that these decisions are script-free or autonomous. When I make an autonomous decision I am dealing with here-and-now reality as th e adult I now am. How do you know whether you are acting in script or autonomously As you continue to read this book and work through the exercises you will develop ways of judging this. If in doubt assume that you are in script. Especially if you get into a situation that repetitively seems to go wrong for you take it as your first assumption that you have been setting that situation up without being aware you were doing so. Then test out ways of setting up to make the situation go right instead of wrong. 116

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Chapter 12 LIFE POSITIONS Berne suggests that the young child early in the process of script formation ...already has certain convictions about himself and the people around him.... These convictions are likely to stay with him the rest of his life and may be summarized as follows: 1 Im OK or 2 Im not-OK 3 Youre OK or 4 Youre not-OK. By putting these together in all their possible combinations we get four statements about self and others: 1 Im OK youre OK 2 Im not-OK youre OK 3 Im OK youre not-OK 4 Im not-OK youre not-OK. These four views are known as life positions. Some writers call them basic positions existential positions or just positions. They represent fundamental stances a person takes up about the essential value he perceives in himself and others. This means more than simply having an opinion about his own and other peoples behavior. Once the child has adopted one of these positions she is likely to construct all the rest of her script to fit in with it. Berne wrote: Every game script and destiny is based on one of these four basic positions. The child who chooses Im OK youre OK is likely to build a winning script. He views himself as lovable and good to have around. He decides that his parents are lovable and trustworthy and later extends this view to people generally. If the infant takes up the position Im not-OK youre OK she is more likely to write a banal or losing life-story. To fit with her basic position she will construct her script round themes of being victimized and losing out to others. Im OK youre not-OK may form the basis for a script that seems on the face of it to be winning. But this child will have the conviction that he needs to be one-up and put others one-down. He may manage to do this for some of the time achieving his wants but only with a continual 117

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TA Today 118 struggle. At other times the people around him will get tired of being one-down and reject him. Then he will switch from apparent winner to heavy loser. The position Im not-OK youre not-OK is the most likely foundation for a losing script. This child has become convinced that life is futile and full of despair. She views herself as being one-down and unlovable. She believes no-one will help her because they are not-OK as well. Thus she will write her script around scenes of rejecting and being rejected. Origins of life position Theres some disagreement among TA authorities on how life positions originate and at what age. Berne believed that.. .the position is taken in early childhood third to seventh year in order to justify a decision based on early experience. In other words for Berne the early decisions come first and the life position is adopted later in childhood to make the world appear to justify what has been decided. For instance the infant might decide without words: Never again will I risk loving anyone because Mother showed me I was unlovable. Later he justifies this by adopting the conviction T will never be loved which translates to Im not OK. If a little girl is physically abused by her father she may decide Never again will I trust a man because of Fathers ill-treatment. She then generalizes to the conviction All men are untrustworthy or You they are not-OK. In the view of Claude Steiner life position is adopted much earlier. He sees its origins in the earliest months of nursing. For Steiner the position Im OK youre OK reflects the comfortable mutual interdependence between the feeding infant and her mother. He equates this to the position of basic trust described by child development authority Erik Erikson. This is ...a state of affairs in which the infant feels that she is at one with the world and that everything is at one with her. Steiner suggests that all children begin in the position Im OK youre OK. The child shifts to another position only if something interrupts the mutual interdependence between child and mother. Maybe the child perceives Mother as withdrawing the protection and acceptance she had offered in earlier days. For some infants birth itself may be felt as such a threat. The baby may respond to these discomforts by deciding that she is not-OK or that others are not-OK. She has moved from Eriksons state of basic trust into basic mistrust. The child then goes on to build her script upon this fundamental view of self and others. Thus Steiner agrees with Berne in suggesting that the life position justifies script decisions. But in Steiners version the life position is

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Life Positions adopted first in time and the decisions come later. Life position can be defined as ones basic beliefs about self and others which are used to justify decisions and behavior. Life position in adulthood: the OK Corral Each of us arrives in adulthood having written a script based on one of the four life positions. But we dont stay in that position every hour of the day. Minute by minute we shift between positions. Franklin Ernst has developed a way of analyzing these shifts. He calls it the OK Corral Figure 12.1. 2 Ernst uses the phrase OK-with-me instead of just OK. This helps emphasize that OKness is a matter of my convictions about me and my convictions about you. The vertical axis of the Corral indicates Youre OK in the upwards direction Youre not-OK going downwards. On the horizontal axis we get Im OK on the right Im not-OK on the left. Each of the four quadrants then corresponds to a life position. Often TA writers shorthand OK by a + sign and not-OK by a -. Sometimes the word You is shortened to U. The four life positions are then written simply I + U+ I-U + I + U- and I-U-. On the version of the Corral shown in Figure 12.1 each of the four positions is given a name. These names were not on Ernsts original diagram but are often used by other writers. Franklin Ernst points out that each of the childhood positions is reflected in grown-up life by a particular kind of social interaction. Fie calls this an operation. The names for the four operations are shown on the Corral. If we get into one of these operations without awareness from our Child ego-state we are likely to create a scripty justification for the corresponding life position. But we also have the choice of getting into Adult and using any of the operations with awareness. By doing so we can invite the social outcomes we desire. Im OK Youre OK: Get-On-With Ive just arrived at my workplace. In comes the boss with a stack of papers. Heres the report weve been waiting for she says. Ive marked points for your action. Will you see to these and report back please Right I say Ill do that. In agreeing to the bosss request I have checked with myself that I am competent to do what she asks and feel good about doing it. 1 se e her as being fair and reasonable in asking me to do it. Thus I am in the position of Im OK youre OK. In our social interaction the boss and I are getting-on-with what we are both there to do. Each time I have an interaction from this position I reinforce my belief that I and others in the world are OK. I 19

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Life Positions Im not-OK Youre OK: Get-Away-From Ive just settled down and opened the report at the first page. From the corner of my eye I see somebody bearing down on me. Its one of my workmates. Hes wearing a worried frown. Having seen that look before I can make a good guess what hes coming for. He wants to spend a lot of time moaning about his work situation asking my advice and then not taking it. As he arrives at my desk and opens his mouth I have two choices. I can get into script or respond from Adult. Scripty operation: Suppose I get into script and adopt the position Im not-OK youre OK. I say to myself: I just cant cope with this fellows complaints. Im not up to it. But hes somebody who just seems to keep on talking no matter what I do. T have to get out of here I tense up my stomach and start sweating. Not really hearing what my workmate is saying I mumble: Sorry Jim have to go out to the bathroom a minute and make for the door. Only when Im outside do I relax and heave a sigh of relief. I have got-away-from Jim in a scripty way. In doing so I have reinforced my Child conviction that I am not OK while others are OK. Adult operation: If I choose to stay in Adult I say to myself: Right now Im not willing to listen to Jim. Hes got problems but its not my job to settle them. Once he gets started talking its difficult to stop him. I think the best thing I can do is move out of range. As Jim opens his mouth and gets halfway through his first complaint I say: Hey Jim that sounds bad. Cant stop now though. Ive got to get down to the library and check some sources on this report. Hope you manage to solve your problems. I pick up the report and walk out. With Adult awareness I have chosen the operation of getting-away-from. Im OK Youre Not-OK: Get-Rid-Of Ten minutes later Im back in my office with a cup of coffee well into the report. The door opens again. This time its my assistant. He looks downcast. Afraid Ive got some bad news he says. You know that printing job you gave me to set up I was busy and forgot to get it off. Weve missed the printers deadline. What do I do Scripty operation: I may respond from a position of Im OK youre not-OK. I go red in the face and snarl at my assistant: What do you do What you do is you sort this out right away So get a move on — I dont want to hear a word more from you till youve got that job done understand A s I say this my heart-rate soars and I literally go hot under the collar. When my assistant has disappeared back through the door I say to myself: Cant trust anybody to do a job these days unless I do it myself I have gotten-rid-of my assistant while creating a scripty justification for believing that I am OK while others are not. 121

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TA Today Adult operation: I reply to my assistant: Well its your job to get this sorted out. Right now Im doing something urgent. So go and find some ways of getting this job finished as soon as possible. Come back at four oclock and report to me. I look back down at the report to signal that our interview is finished. Here Ive gotten-rid-of my assistant in a way that lets me look after myself and leaves us both OK. Im not-OK Youre not OK: Get-Nowhere-With The phone rings. Its my partner calling from home. Something awful has happened A water-pipe burst and the whole carpet got soaked before I could turn the water off Scripty operation: at this I may go all the way into Im not-OK youre not-OK. I say to myself: Ive had enough. I cant take this any longer. And my partners no help either. Its hopeless. I sigh into the phone: Look I just cant take this. Its just too much after the day Ive had. Without waiting for an answer I hang up the phone. I feel drained and depressed. Internally I have reinforced my view that I and others are not-OK. Adult operation: Deciding to stay in Adult I reply: Look the harms done now. Just go on hold till I get home. Then well see what we can do. I have chosen the operation of getting-nowhere-with. Personal change and the OK Corral Though we switch between quadrants on the Corral we each have one favorite quadrant where we spend most of our time while in script. This will be the one we decided on in childhood as our basic position. Im OK youre OK is the healthy position. Here I get-on-with living and problem-solving. I act to achieve the winning outcomes I desire. This is th e only position based on reality. If my childhood position was Im not-OK youre OK I am likely to play out my script mainly from the depressive position of feeling one-down to others. Unawarely I will choose my bad feelings and repetitive behaviors to confirm that this is m y rightful position in the world. If I experienc e psychiatric problems I am likely to be diagnosed neurotic or depressed. Should I have written a hamartic script my probable payoff is self-harm or suicide. An early position of Im OK youre not-OK will mean that I live my script mostly from the defensive position of trying to stay one-up on others. Those around me are likely to experience me as overbearing insensitive aggressive. Though the nam e paranoid is often applied to this position it also corresponds to the psychiatric diagnosis of character- disorder. In a third-degree losing script my closing scene may entail killing or harming others. 122

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Life Positions If I took up a basic position of Im not-OK youre not-OK as an infant my script will be played through principally from the futility position. Here I a m believing that the worl d and other s are n o good and neither am I. If I wrote a bana l script my patter n will be to get-nowhere- with most of the things I set ou t to d o in life. If my script is hamartic the likely payoff is go crazy with a psychotic diagnosis. Like all aspects of the script life position can be changed. This is likely to happen only as a result of script insight therapy or some powerful external experience. The process of change often entails a movement through the Corral in a specific sequence. If the person starts off by spending most time in I-U- her next move is likely to b e into I+U- . After some time with that as her most important quadrant she will shift to I-U+ . Th e final goal is to increase the time spent in I+U + until it becomes the favorite position. It may see m strange that people often need to shift through I-U+ in order to get from I+U- to I+ U + . But the experience of therapy shows that I+U - is often a defense against I-U+ . The infant who concluded Im OK and all those others are not-OK took up that position to defend against the painful realization of being one-down and powerless in the face of he r parents . T o chang e as a grown-up she need s to face that infant pain and then let it go. • EXERCISES WITH THE OK CORRAL Draw the axes of the OK Corral and label the quadrants. Now draw an enclosure on the axes to show how much time you spend in each quadrant during an average day. For instance if you think you spend most time in I-U+ next most in I+U+ third most in I+U - and least of all in I-U- your enclosure would look like Figure 12.2. Franklin Ernst called this picture the Corralogram. 3 What are the circumstances in which you are likely to get into each quadrant What do you typically do and say and how do you feel when you are in each one What ego-states do you come from in each quadrant Use the functional model. What ego-states are you inviting in others What kinds of stroke do you give and get in each quadrant Now that you have drawn your Corralogram is there anything you want to change about it If you do want to make changes think how you could choose any of the four Adult operations to use instead of getting into scripty responses. Decide on at least one occasion when you will test out an Adult operation in the coming week and do it. If you are working in a group report back on the results. • 123

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TA Today Figure 12.2 Corralogram example 124

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Chapter 13 SCRIPT MESSAGES AND THE SCRIPT MATRIX You know that the life-script consists of a set of decisions. These are made by the child in response to script messages about self others and the world. The script messages come mainly from the childs parents. In this chapter we look at the nature of script messages and the ways in which they can be transmitted. We meet a model the script matrix which gives us a standard method for analyzing the messages underlying each individuals script. Script messages and the infants perception Its important to recall that the infant makes her script decisions in response to her own perception of what is going on around her. This perception is founded on an infants ways of feeling and reality-testing. Therefore the messages that the infant perceives as coming from the parents and the world around her may be quite different from any that a grown-up would perceive. The young baby startled by a sudden loud noise may conclude without words: Somebody out there is trying to kill me At that same moment her loving parents may be congratulating themselves on the safe environment they are providing for her. Kinds of script message Script messages may be conveyed verbally non-verbally or in these two ways combined. 1 Both verbal and non-verbal messages may contain an element of modeling. Verbal script messages can be transmitted in the form of commands or attributions. Verbal v. non-verbal messages Before the infant has words he interprets other peoples messages in terms of their non-verbal signals. The young baby has acute perception of expressions body tensions movement tones and smells. If Mother holds him close and warm letting him mould to the shape of her body he is likely to perceive her message to him as I accept and love you But if she tenses up and holds him stiffly a little away from her 125

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TA Today he may read her as conveying: I reject you and dont want you close The mother herself may be quite unaware of her tension and distancing. Sometimes the infant may construe script messages from events around her that are not of the parents making. Loud noises sudden movements separations from the parents such as a stay in hospital may all appear to the baby as life-threatening. Because she assumes that her parents are in charge of reality she may conclude that the threats also come from them. Later in childhood when the child understands language non­ verbal communication is still important as a component of script messages. Physical abuse or the threat of it may mean to the child that his parents reject him or possibly want him dead. When parents speak to the child he will interpret the script meaning of what they say according to the non-verbals that go with it. Recall Bernes Third Rule of Communication: when transactions are ulterior the significant message is on the psychological level. Picture the young schoolchild coming home with the new reading book shes just been given by teacher. She starts reading it to her parents and stumbles over a word she hasnt met before. Father says: You got that word wrong. With those words could go many different sets of non- verbals. Each of these would carry its own meaning to the child in terms of possible script decisions. Father might speak in a harsh loud voice while curling his lip and screwing his face up. At the same time he might knock the book out of her hand or even deal her a blow. To the child his message reads: 1 dont want you around and would prefer you dead. H e might say the words in a flat voice without looking up from the newspaper he himself is reading. Reading the non-verbals his daughter interprets his message as: Youre not important to me. He might accompany his words with a wink and a giggle .Usin g Little Professor strategy the little girl tests out giggling back. Sure enough Father smiles even more. She reads his message: To please me you have to act stupid. Father might say the words in an even voice while sitting beside her pointing the words out in her book. He then gives her time to look at the word again. His Martian conveys to the child: Its OK for you to think. Modeling Young children are perceptive observers of the way people behave. Particularly they note how Mother and Father relate to each other and to other family members. Using Little Professor strategies of reality-testing the child continually tries out solutions to the question: How do I best get what I want around here Maybe a little girl notes that when Mother wants something from 126

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Script Messages and the Script Matrix Father she usually gets it by starting a fight and then bursting into tears. The child ticks off the conclusion: To get what I want from people especially men what T need to do is start a fight and then burst out crying. Perhaps a little boy had a brother who died. He notes that his parents go to the cemetery each week with flowers. They seem to be sad most of the time and to be thinking more of the one who died than the other who is still alive. The child concludes: People who die get all the attention. H e doesnt have the grown-up capacity to understand the finality of death. So he may then decide: In order to get the attention I want from my parents I need to die like my brother did. Commands v. attributions Script messages can be in the form of direct commands. Dont bother me D o what youre told Get lost Hurry up Don t be naughty If at first you dont succeed try try try again Most parents bombard their children with hundreds of commands like these. Their potency as script messages will depend on how often they are repeated and on the non- verbals that go with them. At other times the child may be told not just what he should do but what he is. This kind of message is called an attribution. "Youre stupid Youre my little girl Youll end up in jail. Youll never make it. Youre good at reading These are examples of attributions spoken directly to the child. Their content may be positive or negative. As always their power as script messages will b e affected by the non-verbal signals that accompany them. Youre stupid spoken harshly along with a blow conveys a different script message from the same words spoken in a light tone accompanied by a smile and a cuddle. Sometimes attributions may be delivered indirectly. This means that the parent speaks about the child to someone else either when the child is present or in a way that will be communicated back to the child. This one is the quiet one. Jill is so cute Hes not strong you know. She worries us because shes so naughty. Father says youre just a nuisance Indirect attributions like these are especially likely to be read by the child as potent script messages. She views her parents as determining reality. Hearing them talking to other people about how she is she takes it for granted that what they say has to be fact. 127

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TA Today In some families attributions are passed on from one generation to the next by psychological-level messages. These may be based on such features as position in the family or the giving of names. For example Ellen came into therapy because she feared she might be going mad. Through script analysis she registered that two other women in her family had been christened Ellen: her aunt and her grandmother. Both had become psychotic at about Ellens present age. The psychological- level message never spoken in words was: Anybody in our family christened Ellen goes mad at 35. Traumatic event v. repetition The child may make a central script decision in response to a single event which she experiences as especially threatening. Perhaps a little girl is sexually abused by her father. She may read that single episode as an overpowering script message and decide: Never again will I trust men. Earlier in life a period of separation from the mother may often form the basis for non-verbal decisions like T cant trust anyone or People want me dead. Some T A therapists believe that the single traumatic event of birth is itself a potent influence on script decisions. Probably more often decisions are arrived at over a period of time in response to script messages which the child experiences repetitively. Perhaps the infant reaches out to Mother and she turns away from him. He reaches out again and again gets no response. Not until he has done this many times may he begin to form the conclusion: Mother doesnt want me close. The little boy who hears the attribution This is the shy one may need to hear it repeated for months and years before deciding firmly that he is indeed shy. Eric Berne compared the build-up of script messages to a pile of coins stacked one on the other. A few of the coins in the stack are skewed. The more skewed ones there are the more likely is the whole stack to go off line and fall over. One badly skewed coin can throw the stack off true. So can a number of slightly skewed coins particularly if they are all arranged to lean the stack in one direction. This is a graphic picture of the way in which traumatic events and repeated messages combine to form the basis for life-script. 2 The script matrix Your mother and father both had their own Parent Adult and Child ego- states. They transmitted script messages to you from all three of these ego-states. You received these messages and filed them away in your own three ego-states. From this realization Claude Steiner developed what is now one of the central models of TA : the script matrix. It is shown in Figure 13.1. 3 128

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Script Messages and the Script Matrix 129

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TA Today Messages which originate from mothers and fathers Parent ego-states are called counterinjunctions. You file them away as par t of the content of your own Parent. Modeling or heres how messages from the Adult of the parent to the Adult of the child make up what is called the program. Messages sent from the Child ego-state of mother and father can be of two kinds: injunctions or permissions. We picture these as being filed away in the content of your own Child ego-state. Different TA writers have drawn script matrix diagrams which differ from each other in minor details. The one we show here is a collated version. Counterinjunctions These Parent-to-Parent messages were originally called counterinjunctions because they were thought to run counter to the injunctions. We know now that these messages may sometimes contradict injunctions but may just as often reinforce injunctions or be irrelevant to them. Still the name counterinjunctions has stuck. The counterscript is the set of decisions made by the child in compliance with the counterinjunctions. Counterinjunctions consist of commands about what to do or not do plus definitions of people and the world. We all get thousands of these from our parents and parent-figures. Typical ones are: Be good Dont be naughty Be my princess Work hard Come top of the class Its bad to tell lies. Keep things in the family. Most of the time we use our counterscript in a positive way to look after ourselves and fit in comfortably with society. As grown-ups we dont need to think whether we should belch at the table or whether its polite to throw unwanted food over our shoulder the knowledge is already there in our positive counterscript. In the same way we dont run out in the road in front of traffic or stick our hand into the fire. Most of us though have a few counterscript messages which we have decided to use as part of a negative script set-up. Suppose I carry the Parental command Work hard around in my head. I may use it to win success at school and college. In my career I may go on working hard and get a good promotion. But I may also work so hard that I overstress myself. I may sacrifice leisure relaxation and friendships to the demands of work. If my script is hamartic I may use my Work hard message to further a payoff of ulcer high blood-pressure or heart attack. 130

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Script Messages and the Script Matrix There are five commands in particular which play a special role in the counterscript. They are: Be Perfect Be Strong Try Hard Please people Hurry Up. These are called driver messages or simply drivers. The name driver is used because the child feels a compulsion to follow these commands. He believes he can stay OK so long as he obeys the driver. All of us carry these five messages around in our counterscript though in varying proportions. When I replay a driver message internally I exhibit a set of behaviors that typically accompany that driver. These driver behaviors are consistent from person to person. By studying someones driver behavior we can reliably predict some important features of their script. In a later chapter we look at drivers in more detail. Program The program consists of messages about how to do things. In compiling the script matrix we phrase these as sentences beginning: Heres how to... Each of us learns many thousands of program messages from parents and parent-figures. For instance Heres how to... count to 10 write your name make porridge tie your shoes be a man a woman be cute come top of class hide your feelings. As with counterscript we use most of our program messages in a constructive positive way. But we may also carry around some negative program. For instance a boy may learn from his fathers modeling: Heres how to work hard overstress yourself and die young. A little girl may learn from Mother: Heres how to sit on your feelings and end up depressed. These negative program messages might be shown more accurately in the matrix diagram as coming from the contaminated Adult in the parent and being filed away in the contaminated Adult of the child. Also many of the heres how messages in the program might better be seen as forming part of the content of the Little Professor A of the parent and being stored in A of the child rather than A 2 . However the diagram is not usually drawn with this detail. 131

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TA Today Injunctions and permissions 132 Picture a mother with her new baby. As she looks after her child the mother may be replaying messages from her own Parent ego-state such as: Children need to be protected. Their needs come first. For much of the time also she may be in her Adult ego-state practicing techniques of child care she has read up in books. But whats going on in her Child ego-state As the mother goes back and replays her own infancy she may be feeling: Great Now theres another kid to play with around here She may be enjoying the physical interchange of strokes between the baby and herself just as she enjoyed stroking and being stroked when she was the infant. Picking up her non-verbal messages the baby is likely to conclude: Mother wants me and likes me being close to her. In script language we say that the mother is giving her baby permissions — here permission to exist and permission to be close. But the Child in mother may feel instead: This is dangerous. Now this new baby is around she has to get all the attention. When am / going to get attention Maybe there isnt enough attention to go round Replaying the uncensored feelings and urges of her own infancy the mother may be scared and furious at the new arrival. She may want deep in her Child ego-state to reject the baby or even kill him. She is likely not to have the slightest awareness of these feelings. In her own consciousness and to any outside observer she is a loving and caring mother. But the baby knows. With his acute awareness of nonverbal cues he picks up Mothers scare and anger. Little by little he may form the conclusion without words: Mother doesnt want me close to her. In fact she would rather I werent around at all. These negative messages from the parents Child are examples of injunctions. In this case the injunctions are Dont exist and Dont be close. As grown-ups we each carry around a set of injunctions and permissions filed away in the content of our Child ego-state. The decisions we made in response to these messages are the principal foundations of our life-script. This whole complex of injunctions and permissions plus the decisions made upon them by the child is sometimes called the script proper. Distinguishing injunctions/permissions from counterinjunctions How do you tell the difference in practice between a negative counterinj unction and an injunction Or between a positive counterinjunction and a permission There are two ways of distinguishing them.

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Script Messages and the Script Matrix 1 Counterinjunctions are verbal injunctionspermissions are originally preverbal. If you listen inside your head you will be able to hear your counterinjunctions being spoken in words. Often you will be able to hear the actual parent or parent-figure who originally spoke them to you. If you go against a counterinjunction and listen again in your head you are likely to hear verbal scolding from the parent-figure who gave the command. Injunctions and permissions by contrast are not necessarily heard in words. Instead you feel them in emotions and body sensations and reflect them in behavior. If you defy an injunction you are likely to experience bodily tension or discomfort. Your heart may race you may start sweating or feel knots in the stomach. You are likely to find all sorts of ways of avoiding the behavior which goes against the injunction. These ways may seem Adult to you but are actually rationalizations. For instance suppose I received the injunction Dont be close from my mother and made the early decision that indeed I had better not get close to anybody. Now as a grown-up I am taking part in an encounter group. The leader invites us to close our eyes find a partner by touch alone and get to know that person by feeling their hands. I start sweating gently and my pulse-rate goes up. As I feel another person reach out for my hand I open my eyes and say: Hm. Dont see the point in this exercise. What do you think its for Sometimes injunctions are heard in words also. For instance a person who has been given the injunction Dont exist may recall his parents saying things like T wish you had never been born or Drop dead 2 Injunctionspermissions are given in early childhood counterinjunctions later. Developmentally injunctions and permissions are earlier than counterinjunctions. This of course is related to the verbal — preverbal distinction. As a general rule the child takes in injunctions and permissions in the years before she has command of language. There is no one age that marks a sharp end-point to this period. In our experience injunctions may continue to be given until the child is between six and eight years old. Counterinjunctions may be given between the ages of three and twelve. 133

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Chapter 14 INJUNCTIONS AND DECISIONS In their work as therapists Bob and Mary Goulding found that twelve themes emerged again and again as the basis for peoples negative early decisions. They developed the list of these twelve injunctions which we give below. Each injunction has its corresponding permission. Traditionally in script analysis injunctions are written beginning with the word Dont... and permissions with the phrase Its OK to... Notice that Dont... and Its OK to... are not simple opposites. Dont... conveys a blanket prohibition a command not to do something. But Its OK to... is not a command to do something. Instead it invites the receiver of the message to choose whether to do something or not do it. Realize too that these names for the injunctions and permissions are only verbal labels we apply for convenience in script analysis. The injunctions and permissions themselves are conveyed to the child in ways that are mainly non-verbal. Twelve injunctions Dont Be Dont Exist If you have ever contemplated suicide its most likely that your script messages include a Dont Exist injunction. The same is probably true if you have ever felt worthless useless or unlovable. You may remember a parent saying things to you like: Ill kill you for that or T wish Id never had you These verbal messages help confirm the presence of this injunction though its main impact will have been through non-verbal signals earlier in your life. Why should parents deliver Dont Exist to a child Its likely to be because the parent in his or her own Child ego-state feels deprived or threatened by having the child around. Maybe a young man marries and becomes a father. Seeing his wife give most of her energy and attention to the new baby the father may experience a rubberband back to his own childhood. Without awareness he re-lives the time when he was two and a new baby had just arrived in his family. As that two-year-old he was profoundly scared in case there would never again be enough attention 134

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Injunctions and Decisions for him. How could he ever get Mothers love back The only hope seemed to be if he could get the baby out of the way and preferably dead. Now as a grown-up he may signal these same homicidal urges non- verbally to his own baby. Or perhaps a woman already has several children and doesnt want more. Because of family pressures or by accident she does have a new child. In her own Child ego-state she is screaming: No No t another one I want attention to my needs for a change She will likely suppress her Child fury denying it even to herself. But in subtle ways she conveys rejection to the baby. Maybe she never smiles and seldom talks to him even as she does all the right things to look after him materially. Where a paren t physically or mentally abuses a child the Dont Exist message is being conveyed overtly. The Dont Exist injunction turns up frequently during script analysis. This may seem surprising considering its death-laden implications. But recall that it is quite easy for an infant to read a threat of death into all sorts of parental behavior or external events which to a grown-up might appear quite harmless. Remember also how the young child may confuse deeds with urges. Perhaps wanting a younger sibling dead she may decide Im a murderer and so I deserve to die. She delivers Dont Exist to herself. The same may happen where a mother subtly conveys to her child You hurt me badly when you were born. Berne called this the Torn Mother script. The child may decide Just by being born I harmed Mother or maybe even killed her. Therefore Im dangerous and can harm or kill people just by being around. So I deserve to be hurt or killed myself. Parents may also say things like: If it werent for you I could have gone to college or taken that trip to foreign countries or wouldnt have had to marry that so-and-so... If Dont Exist is a common injunction why dont most people commit suicide Luckily people are extremely ingenious at staying alive. In his early years the child carrying a Dont Exist is likely to make compound decisions to defend against its fatal outcome. These decisions will be of the form: Its OK for me to go on existing so long as I... The blank can be completed in many ways such as: .. .keep on working hard or ...dont get close to people. In a later section we shall look at compound decisions in more detail. Dont Be You This injunction can be conveyed to a child by parents who have a boy when they wanted a girl or vice versa. Their non-verbal message is Dont be the sex you are. This may be reflected in their choice of a name for the child. Maybe a girl is called Jacky or a boy is christened Vivian. Parents 135

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TA Today may dress their daughter in butch clothes or their son in frilly collars and bows. In grown-up life the person carrying Dont be the sex you are may continue to cultivate dress or manners that suggest the opposite sex. Dont Be You may be more general and simply convey Dont be you be some other child. Parents may prefer a younger to an elder child or a brother to a sister. A mother who feels rejecting towards her child may continually compare him with other children: Little Johnny down the road can ride a two-wheel bicycle — isnt he clever And hes a year younger than you are too. Here the parent may be holding an image of the ideal child she wishes. She reacts positively only to the aspects of her actual child which resemble that image and discounts the rest. Parents may also make statements like: Youre just like your no- good Uncle Harry. Then the more the child acts like Uncle Harry the more strokes he gets. Dont Be a Child This is another injunction handed out by parents who in their Child ego- state feel threatened by having their child around. But instead of wanting the baby right out of the way the Child in the parent says: Theres only room for one kid around here — and thats me. But Ill put up with you so long as you behave like a grown-up instead of a child. This may be reflected later on by verbal messages like Youre too old to... or Big boys dont cry. Dont Be a Child is also given out by parents who were never allowed to be child-like themselves and feel threatened by child-like behavior. They may have been reared in times of depression or in a stern home where worth and value were related to doing. Sometimes eldest or only children give themselves this injunction. Seeing Mother and Father arguing an only child may decide: The only other person around here is me. So I must be the cause of the fight. Therefore its up to me to do something about it. Id better grow up quickly so T can take charge. An eldest child may decide similarly that she is responsible for her younger brothers and sisters. If you feel awkward relating to children you probably carry Dont Be a Child. The same is probably true if you stiffen up when you are at parties or in similar fun situations among other adults. Dont have fun and Dont enjoy are sometimes listed as variants of Dont Be a Child. For sure we dont need to be in our Child ego-state in order to have fun or enjoy. But if you decided as a child that having fun and enjoying were things children did and that you were supposed to be a solemn little grown-up you may well rubberband to that decision when the chance arises of having fun at your present age. In some families if you are having too much fun you are labeled lazy or sinful. There may be a magical belief that if you feel too good 136

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Injunctions and Decisions something bad will happen. So the way you magically ward off evil is to not feel too good. Dont Grow Up It is often the youngest child who gets a Dont Grow Up injunction. The parents in their Child ego-state may not want to let go of having a young kid around in the family. They may define their whole worth in terms of being a good father or good mother. If their child grew up they would no longer feel valuable. Alternatively this injunction may be given out by parents who never grew up themselves. Their message is stay my little playmate. Sometimes Dont Grow Up is read as Dont leave me. The woman who stays at home into her middle age caring for a demanding aged mother may be carrying this message. Another variant of Dont Grow Up is Dont be sexy. This is often given by a father to his daughter at the stage of her childhood when she is old enough to become noticeably feminine. In his Child her father is scared of his own sexual response to her. He puts out non-verbal messages of physical distancing which the little girl may read as an injunction against growing up and becoming a sexual woman. Dont Make It This injunction is given by a parent who in his own Child is jealou s of the accomplishments of his son or daughter. Suppose a father comes from a poor family. He had to go out to work when he was fifteen years old and he never got the chance to go to college. Now as a result of his hard work he and his children are financially comfortable. He is paying for his daughter to go to a good school so that one day she will have the chance to go on to a university. Seeing her excel at her lessons the father may feel parental pleasure. But outside of his awareness in his Child ego-state he is bitterly jealous that his daughter is getting chances that he never got. What if she does succeed in her studies Maybe that will prove she is better than he is Non-verbally he may convey the Dont Make It injunction to his daughter even while on an overt level he is urging her to work hard and do well. A student who has made a script decision to obey a Dont Make It injunction will typically work hard in class and do all her assignments competently. But come the examinations she is likely to find some way of sabotaging herself. Maybe she will panic and walk out of the exam. Maybe she will forget to hand in a crucial piece of work. She may even come down with a psychogenic illness or find she has suddenly become unable to read. 137

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TA Today Dont Dont Do Anything The blanket message Dont implies: Dont do anything because anything you do is so dangerous that youre safer doing nothing at all. If someone in adult life continually dithers between courses of action always feeling hes getting nowhere but never taking any action to change this he may be carrying this script message. The Dont injunction is given by a parent who in Child is terrified that her child will come to harm if he is allowed to run free of the parental apron-strings. The grounds lor the terror lie in the parents own script rather than in reality. A parent with this fear may say things like: Johnny go see what your little sister is doing and tell her not to. Dont Be Important People carrying this message may become panicky when they are asked to take on any kind of leadership role. They may dry up when called upon to speak in public. In her career the person complying with Dont Be Important may work excellently in a subordinate post but either not seek promotion or sabotage herself when there is a chance of getting it. A variant of this injunction is Dont ask for what you want. This is another script message arising from parents impulse of rejection towards their child. Non-verbally the parent conveys from his Child ego-state: Ill put up with having you around kid just as long as you realize that you and your wants are not important around here. Dont Belong The Indian statesman Pandit Nehru used to say: When I am among Europeans I feel like an Indian. When I am among Indians I feel like a European. The chances are that Nehru had received a Dont Belong injunction from his parents. The person complying with Dont Belong feels out of it in groups and so is likely to be seen by others as a loner or unsociable. This message may be conveyed as an attribution by parents who continually tell their child he is different from other children shy or difficult. Or the parents may model the injunction through their own social ineptitude. The message may be conveyed either by scapegoating the child or by continually telling him how special he is. Dont Be Close The injunction Dont Be Close may imply a ban on physical closeness. In this form it is often modeled by parents who seldom touch each other or the child. Alternatively it may signify dont be emotionally close. This 138

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Injunctions and Decisions form of the message may be passed down through the generations in families who never talk to each other about their feelings. A child may give herself Dont Be Close as a response to continual physical distancing by the parent. The child may reach out time and again only to get no response. Eventually she may decide that her seeking for closeness is not worth the pain of rejection. A variant of Dont Be Close is Dont trust. This message is sometimes read by the young child when a parent abruptly goes away or dies. Unable to understand the true reason for the parents disappearance the infant may conclude: Never again will I trust anyone to be here when I want them. Dont trust can also be picked up if the parent is abusive or tries to trick or take advantage of the child. The decision is: Ill stay away from you in order to protect myself. Carrying decisions like these in adult life the person may be continually suspicious of others he relates to. Even when they warmly accept him he may have his feelers out for signs of rej ection . If the other person refuses to reject him he may test the relationship to destruction and then say: T told you so Dont Be Well Dont Be Sane Imagine that Mother and Father are two busy people both out all day working. They love their daughter but dont have much energy to give her attention when they get home in the evenings and she comes back from the day-care center. Then she gets ill. Mother takes time off work to look after her sick daughter. Father does what hes seldom done before and reads her stories while she falls asleep at night. In her astute Little Professor the little girl stores away the conclusion: To get the attention I want around here I have to be ill. Without realizing it or intending it her parents have given her the injunction Dont Be Well. If she complies with this message in grown-up life their daughter may use the scripty strategy of getting sick whenever things go wrong in her relationships or at work. Sometimes Dont Be Well is given by attribution as when parents continually tell a childs relatives and neighbors: This one isnt strong you know. The variant Dont Be Sane is often modeled for the child by a psychotic parent or relative. The child may only get attention if he acts crazy enough. This injunction may be made more potent by unspoken rules about how insanity is to be passed on in a particular family. Dont Think The Dont Think injunction may be given by a parent who consistently 139

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TA Today belittles his childs thinking. Little James proudly shows Father his first efforts at writing his own name. Father snorts: Huh Clever-pants you are Sometimes Dont Think may be modeled as by a hysterical mother who models for her daughter: When women want to get something from men they can do it by switching off their thinking and escalating feelings. Dont Think may also convey: Obsess about everything in creation except the immediate problem at hand. An adult complying with a Dont Think injunction is likely to respond to problems by getting confused or by feeling bad about the problem instead of thinking how to solve it. Two variations of Dont Think are Dont think about x" where x may stand for sex money etc. and Dont think what you think think what / think. Dont Feel Dont Feel may be modeled by parents who themselves bottle up their feelings. Sometimes there is an embargo on any show of feeling in the family. More often particular feelings are prohibited while others are allowed. Thus the Dont Feel injunction may be interpreted as Dont feel anger Dont feel fear and so on. Sometimes the message is read as experience the feeling but dont show it. Other children receive a more extreme version which enjoins them not even to experience a particular emotion. Little boys for instance are often instructed time and time again by their fathers: Big boys dont cry or Be a brave soldier These mottoes translate to Dont experience sadness and Dont experience fear. In some families the Dont Feel message implies Dont experience physical sensations. This injunction is often given early in infancy. If given powerfully it can be the source of some severe problems in adulthood. For instance a child enjoined against feeling hunger may later develop an eating disorder. In the opinion of some TA therapists the Dont feel sensations message lies at the root of certain kinds of psychosis. Some parents convey a version that goes: Dont feel what you feel feel what / feel. Mother says to young son: Im hungry. What do you want to eat or Im cold go put on your sweater. Episcript Fanita English has described a specially virulent kind of script message which she calls episcript. Here a paren t conveys an injunction and adds to it the non-verbal message: I hope this happens to you so that it wont have to happen to me. 2 140

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Injunctions and Decisions For instance a mother scripted with Dont Exist during her own childhood may pass a Don t Exist on to her son or daughter. In her Little Professor the mother may believe that this buys a magical release from her own injunction. At psychological level she conveys to her child: If you drop dead maybe I wont have to. Thus the injunction here is like a hot potato passed on from generation to generation. Sometimes episcript may take the form of a family task or family curse with every generation supposed to end up the same way. Fanita English gives the example of a young man who at one time had been taking psychedelic drugs. He became interested in psychology came off the drugs and started working as a therapist. However it soon became apparent that he was sabotaging some of his clients giving them covert messages that said: Crack up and go into a madhouse His supervisor detected this set-up and the young man came into therapy for himself. Through script analysis he realized he had received the command Go into a madhouse Dont Be Sane as a hot potato passed on by his mother. He had sought to obey her injunction by taking drugs. In becoming a therapist he had been trying to pass on the same hot potato to his clients. When he and his therapist explored his family history they found that the same go crazy episcript had been handed down through at least two previous generations. Nobody had actually gone into a madhouse. Each generation believed it had avoided that outcome by the magical device of passing the hot potato along to someone else. How decisions relate to injunctions We have emphasized that a parents injunctions cannot make the child write her script in a particular way. It is the child who decides what to do with the injunctions she receives. One child may accept an injunction as it stands. Another may modify it ingeniously to ease its impact. Still another may simply refuse to accept the injunction at all. For instance suppose a little boy picks up Dont Exist from his mother. He may simply take on board the whole impact of the injunction and commit suicide either as a child or in adulthood. The suicide may be overt or may take the form of an accident as where someone drives his car fast while drunk. Another possibility is that the child may make a magical early decision to shift the impact of Dont Exist by deciding to kill someone else instead of killing himself. This results in a hamartic script in which the payoff is homicide instead of suicide. Alternatively the magical belief may be of the form: If I can stop existing as a sane person maybe I wont actually have to die. This gives the script the hamartic payoff of go-crazy. 141

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TA Today At the other extreme from these tragic decisions the infant may already be able to realize: This message is my mothers problem not mine and thus reject the Dont Exist injunction altogether. Children who do this may in the Gouldings words ...become little psychiatrists or priests as they study the family and attempt to cure it while saving their own lives by recognizing the pathology is not of their doing. Many of these little psychiatrists or priests go on to become big psychiatrists or priests and good ones too. The child always has the option of turning an injunction around in this way to create positive instead of negative outcomes. For instance a little boy who gets Dont be the sex you are may grow into a man rich in positive qualities that are conventionally pictured as feminine — sensitivity physical warmth openness to feelings. Another way of avoiding the impact of injunctions is to make compound decisions. This means that the child uses Little Professor ingenuity in combining different script messages with the objective of staying alive and getting her needs met as well as she can. These compound decisions come up frequently in script analysis and are important in understanding how the script works. In the sections below we look at various kinds of compound decision and see how they are used to defend against harmful injunctions. Practical experience suggests that Dont Exist is the message most often defended against and so we use it in most of the examples. Counterinjunction covering an injunction Consider the script matrix shown in Figure 14.1. Youll notice Jack has been given the Dont Exist injunction by his mother. To Jack in his Little Professor the main priority is to work out a way of staying alive. How might he do this One way is to take a counterinjunction and use it to cover up the Dont Exist. Jack might take his mothers Work Hard counterinjunction and make the compound decision: So long as I work hard its OK for me to stay alive. What is this likely to mean for Jack as a grown-up He is likely to grow into a man who drives himself hard at whatever he does. At his job he will be seen as a glutton for work. When he plays sports he may work hard at being good at them. Tn persona l relationships he may work hard to be good company and when having sex he is likely to work hard to satisfy his partner. Now suppose Jack starts getting high blood pressure ulcers or other stress symptoms. He decides to work less hard. Maybe he takes extra holidays or starts delegating work to other people. Everything seems fine for a while. But strangely enough Jack finds it very difficult to stick to his 142

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TA Today 144 new pattern. Almost without knowing it he fills his new-found leisure time with commitments. Maybe he takes up a voluntary position and within a week or two is taking it so seriously that hes pressuring himself more than he was before. Whats going on The clue is that Jack has disturbed the dynamic balance of his script. In his conscious awareness he sees himself as having taken a positive step by dropping some of his workload. But in his unaware Little Professor he perceives this same change as a threat to his life. His scripty belief is: Now Ive stopped working so hard I have to listen to Mother telling me to drop dead. Its no wonder that he soon finds ways of starting to overwork again. We say that Jack has been covering Mothers Dont Exist with the counterinjunction Work Hard. When he starts to work less hard he uncovers the injunction. This kind of script set-up sometimes has a paradoxical and particularly unpleasant outcome. In keeping on working hard Jack is following a Little Professor strategy for staying alive. But after years of overwork he may drop dead from a heart attack or become disabled by ulcers or high blood pressure. The very set-up which is designed to defend against a hamartic payoff has resulted in that payoff being reached. To see how Jack can make changes that truly release him from this negative set-up we need to understand the dynamics of his compound decision. If he sets out to drop his overworking but does nothing about the underlying Dont Exist message the chances are great that he will soon slip back into working too hard. This may appear like self-sabotage to an outside observer. But to Jack in his Little Professor its the exact opposite of sabotage it appears to be his only way of avoiding Mothers death threat. To dismantle this part of his script Jack needs to defuse the Dont Exist message first. Once he has taken permission to keep on living despite Mothers curse he can go ahead and reduce his work commitments. Now he will find he can keep the pressure off comfortably and permanently. One injunction covering another injunction Dont Exist was not the only injunction Jack got from his mother. She also gave him Dont Be Close. Jack might use this lighter injunction to defend against the heavier one. As an infant he might make the compound decision: Its OK for me to go on living so long as I dont get close to anyone. When in his script as an adult Jack will unawarely play out this early decision. He will appear to others as physically distant and unwilling to share his feelings. He will likely find it difficult to give or take strokes especially physical ones.

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Injunctions and Decisions Jack may not be comfortable with this pattern. He may feel stroke- deprived or lonely and set out to get closer to someone in a relationship. But its probable that he will prevent himself from doing this for more than a short time. Then he is likely to find a way of drawing away from the other person perhaps setting up to reject or be rejected. Consciously Jack feels sad and upset about being alone again. But in his unaware Little Professor he is breathing a sigh of relief. Had he kept on being close thus breaking Mothers Dont Be Close injunction he would have had to face her homicidal command Dont Exist. Here again if Jack wants to abandon this scripty set-up and enjoy closeness he needs to begin by taking the sting out of the Dont Exist injunction. He can do this by deciding to live no matter what. Playing one parent against the other Father did not hand Jack a Dont Exist message. Instead he gave the lighter injunction Dont Think. This afforded Jack yet another infant strategy for staying alive. He might decide: So long as I play stupid for Father I wont have to drop dead for Mother. In adult life Jack may sometimes seem to switch off his thinking. At these times he plays confused and says things like: I cant get my thoughts together. My mind must be going. Unawarely he is seeking to keep Father around to protect him from Mothers lethal injunction. Antiscript Some people may take one of their script messages and turn it round to its opposite. They then follow this opposite instead of the original message. Most often this is done with counterscript. When we act in this way we are said to be in antiscript. A person may go into and out of antiscript at different times in her life in response to any one script message. Teenage is a common time for antiscript. An example is the girl who has gone through childhood obeying the counterscript Be quiet and do what parents say. At fourteen she suddenly switches becoming brash and loud staying out late going round with what her parents call bad company. It might seem that she has broken free of her counterscript. In reality she is following it just as much as she did before. She has merely turned her script message round as you might turn a color slide round to view it from the back. Antiscript may be thought of as what the rebellious child decides to do when she has had enough of the script and counterscript. At this point she stops caring what happens if she no longer follows these early decisions. 145

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TA Today Later on when she got married this same girl might move back out of antiscript and revert to her script and counterscript. Once again she would become quiet and conventional this time acting the little woman for her husband. • DRAWING YOUR OWN SCRIPT MATRIX Take a big sheet of paper and draw a blank script matrix like that in Figure 13.1. On it you can enter script messages you received from your parents. This self-analysis is not meant to be an exact exercise. Nor does it give answers that are graven in stone. You should regard your script matrix as an important source of information about your past. It gives you a road-map of the ways in which you can change your own future. Like any map your matrix can be revised and made more complete as you get more information. And like a map also it can be changed as new roads are built and broadened old ones done away with. Work quickly and rely on your intuition. Injunctions Look through the list of twelve injunctions. Consider whether you have experienced the living problems or discomforts associated with each one. Note the injunctions you think have been important for you. Enter them on the matrix according to the parent they came from. Some may have come from both parents. Do you remember the parent modeling the injunction for you Giving you injunction-laden commands or attributions If in doubt go on your hunches. When entering up your injunctions keep to the twelve standard names used in the Gouldings list. If you think a variant name fits best put it in brackets after the standard name. An example might be: Dont Be a Child Dont Enjoy. Counterscript Recall the dos and donts slogans and mottoes your parents frequently gave you as a child. When was each parent pleased with you Angry with you What words did they use to let you know they were pleased or angry What advice did they give you for how to be a success and bring credit to the family From this evidence enter up your counterscript. You will likely find it quite easy to remember which parent gave you which command. Listen for the voice in your head. If in doubt simply guess. Some counterscript may come from other relatives older siblings or schoolteachers. 146

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Injunctions and Decisions Program When compiling the script matrix we conventionally only enter up the parts of the program that are negative. There would not be space to enter all the thousands of positive How tos all of us learn from our parents. Recall that the negative program comes from the contaminated Adult of the parent though on the diagram it is shown as coming simply from the Adult circle. Did either parent model for you how to achieve some scripty outcome Frequently one parent models how to obey an injunction or counterinjunction you have got from the other parent. For instance Mother may have handed you a Dont Feel message while Father models: Heres how to deny your feelings. Enter up your negative program as a set of statements beginning Heres how to... Some people do not have any obvious negative program messages. If you cannot identify any leave that part of your matrix blank. Using fantasy story and dream data Now look back through the material you gathered while you were doing the exercises with fantasies stories and dreams in Chapter 10. This will be in freehand form just as you brought it to mind. Look at it now in terms of the formal script matrix. Use your thinking and intuition to check how it relates to what you have already entered on the matrix diagram. Alter or fill out your matrix entries accordingly. • It has been traditional in T A to use formal script questionnaires to identify script data of the kind which you have been discovering in the exercise above. We do not include a script questionnaire here since we think formal questionnaires are more suitable for interview use than for self- directed script exploration. If you want to look at examples of formal questionnaires follow up the References list for this chapter. 4 147

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Chapter 15 SCRIPT PROCESS So far in Part IV we have been discussing the what of the life-script — its content. Now in this and the remaining chapter we turn to look at the process of the script — how we live it out over time. Study of the life-script has revealed a fascinating fact. It is that there seem to be only six main patterns of script process. Whether I am Chinese African or American I will live out my script according to one or more of these six patterns. The same is true whatever my age sex education or culture. The six types of process script were originally listed by Berne. 1 Some alterations to his classification have since been suggested by other TA theorists notably Taibi Kahler. 2 Six process scripts I lore are the six patterns of script process: Until After Never Always Almost Open-ended. Each of these has its own theme describing the way in which the person lives her script over time. Berne always fond of the classics listed a Greek myth illustrating each of these process themes. Until script If I live out my script according to the Until pattern my motto in life is: I cant have fun until Ive finished my work. There are all sorts of possible variants of this but they all share the notion that something good cant happen until something less good has been finished. T have to understand myself fully before I can change. Life begins at forty. After I retire Ill be able to travel. 148

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Script Process My reward is in the next world. Like all the process themes the Until pattern is lived out both short- term and long-term. Jonathan believes: Once the children grow up and leave Ill have time to relax and d o all the things Ive been wanting to do. Day by day as he waits for his lifetime Until he lives out the same pattern over shorter time-spans. He says to his wife: OK Ill come and have a drink with you but just wait a minute until Ive finished washing the dishes. Jonathan shows the Until pattern even in the structure of the sentences he uses. Frequently he will put in a parenthesis. He says things like: I told my wife — and mind you I said the same to my daughter only yesterday — that wed have to do something about the house. He interrupts himself in mid-sentence to put in the extra thought. With this sentence pattern Jonathan is reflecting the Until belief: T have to cover everything before I can finish. The Greek hero Hercules had an Until script. Before he could be promoted to become a demi-god he had to complete a set of arduous tasks — not least of which was cleaning a mountain of manure out of the Kings stables. After script The After pattern is the obverse of Until. The person with an After script follows the motto: T can have fun today but Ill have to pay for it tomorrow. This is a great party But oh dear what a headache Im going to have in the morning. After youre married life is just one round of obligations. T like to start the day bright and early but I get tired by evening. Frequently the After-script person will use the sentence pattern illustrated in the first and third of these examples. The sentence begins with a high. Then comes a fulcrum often represented by the word but. After that point all the rest is a low. A sentence like this is a miniature re-play of the After script. The After pattern is illustrated by the myth of Damocles. This Greek potentate lived a round of eating drinking and being merry. But all the time above his head there hung a sword suspended on a single horse­ hair. Once he looked up and saw it he could never be happy again. He lived in constant dread of when it would fall. Like Damocles the person with an After script believes he can have a good time today but only at the cost of the sword falling tomorrow. Never script The theme of Never is: T can never get what I most want. Andrew often 149

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TA Today says he would like to get into a steady relationship with a woman. But he has never done so. In fact he never seems to get started going to places where he might meet new women. Hes often thought he would like to go back to college and study for a degree. But he hasnt got round yet to submitting application papers. In his Never script pattern Andrew is like Tantalus who was condemned to stand eternally in the middle of a pool of water. To one side of the pool was a store of food to the other side a crock of water. But both were just out of Tantalus reach and he stayed hungry and thirsty. In the myth Tantalus didnt seem to realize that he could get hold of food and water by just taking a step to either side. A person in the Never script pattern is like this. H e could get what he wanted by simply taking a step but he doesnt take it. No distinctive sentence pattern has been discovered for the Never script. However people with a Never script often talk about negative script content in a repetitive broken-record manner. They tell you their troubles one day then next day they tell them again as if the first time hadnt happened. Always script The person with an Always script asks: Why does this always happen to me The Greek myth for Always is that of Arachne who was good at embroidery. She was unwise enough to challenge the goddess Minerva to an embroidering contest. The outraged deity changed Arachne into a spider condemned to spin her web for all eternity. Martha follows the Always pattern. Shes been married three times and divorced twice. Her first marriage was to a man who was quiet retiring and not very sociable. Martha broke with him she told her friends because she really wanted someone more dynamic. But to the surprise of those same friends she was soon announcing her engagement to another man who seemed to them like a carbon-copy of the first one. That marriage didnt last long either. Marthas third husband is retiring quiet and not very dynamic and shes already complaining to her friends about him. People with the Always pattern may play it out like Martha by going from one unsatisfactory relationship job or locality to another. A variant is to stay with the original unsatisfactory choice instead of moving on to a better one. The person with an Always script may say: Ive not got much out of working with this therapist. But well I suppose Ill keep on and just hope we get somewhere. Martha often uses a sentence pattern which typically accompanies an Always script. She begins the sentence then goes off on a tangent. She switches to another tangent and goes off on that one and so on. Well what Ive come to see you for is...huh when I was on the way here I saw my friend and she — oh by the way Ive got some money with me and... 150

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Script Process 15 1 Almost Sisyphus was another character to fall foul of the touchy Greek gods. He was condemned to spend eternity pushing a huge rock up a hill. Every time he almost got to the top he lost his grip on the rock and it rolled all the way down to the bottom again. Like Sisyphus the modern-day person with an Almost script says: T almost made it this time. Fred borrows a book from his friend. Giving it back he says: Thanks for the book. Ive read it all except the last chapter. When Fred cleans his car he gets it almost clean except for a few patches of mud which hes missed. Living his Almost pattern over the longer term Fred has almost been promoted at work. But though hes got near the bosss chair hes not quite made it in there. Each time he gets to the short-list and each time he somehow fails to perform at the interview. Berne called this script pattern Over and Over. However later writers have pointed out that all the patterns are lived over and over and so the title Almost has been adopted instead. Taibi Kahler has suggested that there are two types of Almost pattern. He calls the one we have just described Almost Type IVIn his Almost Type 2 the person actually does make it to the top of the hill. But instead of parking his rock and sitting down with a sigh of relief this person hardly even notices hes got to the top. Without a pause he looks around for an even higher hill to push the rock up and off he goes. At the top of that one in turn he looks around to spy a still higher mountain to tackle. The person with Almost Type 2 will often be a material high achiever. Janet for instance sailed through her examinations at school. She went straight on to win a scholarship to college. By the time she graduated with a first-class degree she had already decided to begin her PhD studies. Now holding her doctorate she is working hard for a Fellowship to her learned society. Though the envy of her colleagues Janet herself does not feel she has made it. Once shes a Fellow she tells her friends shes got her eye on a Professorship. Of course it will mean still more hard work and she never seems to have time to socialize. There are two different sentence patterns that signal the Almost script. Th e speaker may start a sentence then go off on one tangent which he finishes. What Im lecturing to you about today is — oh by the way I have a page of notes which Ill give you. Alternatively the person with an Almost script may come out with a string of positives followed by a single negative. Arent the trees lovely in Autumn Its really warm too and such bright sunshine. Mind you the airs cold. Open-ended script This pattern resembles the Until and After scripts in having a particular

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TA Today cut-off point after which things change. But for the person with an Open- ended script the time after that point is just one big void. Its as if the closing pages of a theatrical script had gone missing. Alfred has just retired after 40 years service to his firm. Now hes at home with his tributes and marble clock. He had been looking forward to his extra leisure. But instead of enjoying it he feels strangely uneasy. Whats he going to do with himself How will he fill his time Margery says goodbye to the youngest of her four children as he leaves home for the last time now a young adult. She heaves a sigh of relief. After all these years no more child-rearing chores But a day or two later Margery is feeling a bit down. Without the extra washing-up the dirty clothes lying around for her to tidy away shes at a loss what to do with her time. The Open-ended script pattern may be lived out over the short as well as the long term. Some people typically set only short-term goals. Once they have completed these they flounder not knowing what to do until something else comes along. Then they set another short-term goal and the process is repeated. The motto of the Open-ended script is: Once I get to a certain point in time I wont know what to do with myself afterwards. It recalls the myth of Philemon and Baucis. This elderly couple welcomed the gods in the form of travel-worn strangers when others would not. As a reward for their kindness the gods extended their lives by turning them into trees planted beside each other with their branches entwined. Combinations of process themes We all show all six of the process script patterns. But for most of us one of the patterns is predominant. Jonathan shows mainly the Until script Martha clearly lives out the Always pattern and so on. Some people combine two of the patterns. Usually one of these will be the main one with a second one also important. For instance people with Almost Type 2 may also show the Until pattern. This is true of Janet in our example. Her unspoken motto is: I cant rest until Ive made it to the top. And I never really make it to the top because theres always an even higher top somewhere. Therefore I can never rest." A person who combines the Until and Never scripts will follow the belief: T cant have fun until Ive finished my work. But I never finish my work. Therefore I can never have fun. Other frequent combinations are After plus Almost Type 1 and Always plus Never. You may care to work out the scripty mottoes that go with each. Origins of process script Why are there only six process themes Why are they so uniform across cultures Nobody knows. Finding the answers to these questions is a 152

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Script Process challenging task for TA research. We do have some idea about how process script is transmitted from parents to children. It seems to be part of the counterscript passed on mainly by parental modeling. Breaking out of process script patterns If you are uncomfortable with your process script you can step out of it. Of all the personal changes T A makes feasible this is on e of the easiest to accomplish. You need to begin by establishing what your own main process patterns are. Once you have this insight you simply take Adult control and behave in ways that break the pattern. If your main pattern has been Until you break it by going ahead and having fun even before you have finished all your work. Daniel Casriel calls this riding the pony without waiting until youve cleaned out the stables. For the person with an After script the step out of process script is to go ahead and enjoy today having first decided to enjoy tomorrow also. For instance if you are at a party drink enough to enjoy yourself but not so much that you finish up with a sore head the next day. T o break the Never pattern decide what it is you want. Make a list of five specific things you can do to attain your want. Then do one of these things each day. If you have been living out the Always theme realize that you do not have to keep repeating the same mistakes or persist when things are awful. If you want to you can leave an unsatisfying job relationship or locality and look for something new. You can step out of Almost Type 1 by making sure you complete what you do. If you clean a room clean it all. When you are reading a book read all the chapters. To dismantle Almost Type 2 take the pleasant step of recognizing each of your own successes as you achieve it. Keep a list of your aims. Each time you fulfil one strike it off the list. Do not start on the next aim without having a celebration for the one you have just achieved. If you think you may have been handed an Open-ended pattern realize that your parents have given you a gift in disguise. Since the closing pages of your original script are missing you are free to write your own ending in whatever way you like. Each time you complete a behavior that contradicts your process pattern you weaken that pattern for the future. You make it easier for yourself to step further out of your old process script theme. • YOUR PROCESS SCRIPT PATTERN Look through the descriptions given above for the different process script types. Pick out the pattern or patterns that have been typical of you. 153

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771 Today 15 4 Are you comfortable with this pattern or patterns as a way of behaving in the future If not decide on at least five behaviors that go contrary to your process script. Begin now and do at least one of these behaviors each day. Continue until you are satisfied with your change. •

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Chapter 16 DRIVERS AND THE MINISCRIPT Working in the early 1970s clinical psychologist Taibi Kahler made an intriguing discovery. He had followed up Bernes idea that the script may be played out over very short time periods. Second by second Kahler noted his subjects words tones gestures postures and facial expressions. He found that there were certain distinctive sets of these behaviors which people consistently showed just before they moved into any kind of scripty behavior or feelings. Kahler and his co-workers listed five of these second-by-second behavior sequences. They called them drivers. Further study showed that driver behavior was part of a wider pattern which Kahler called the miniscript. This is a sequence of script behaviors feelings and beliefs. It is played out over a time-scale ranging from a few seconds to a few minutes. Invariably it begins with one of the driver behaviors. The miniscript reproduces over a short time-period the process of the entire life-script. Each time I run through my miniscript I reinforce my script process. Whenever I step out of my miniscript pattern I help defuse my script process. The five drivers also turned out to be distinctively related to the six process script types. By observing someones driver patterns you can predict reliably what her process script will be. Thus by learning how to detect the five driver behaviors you can tell a lot about a person in a short space of time. In this chapter we describe how drivers can be observed. We discuss how drivers fit into the overall life-script and study the workings of the miniscript sequence. How to detect driver behavior The five drivers are: Be Perfect Please others Try Hard Be Strong Hurry Up. Each of these is signaled by a distinctive set of words tones gestures postures and facial expressions. 155

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TA Today You have already learned to use these clues in making a behavioral diagnosis of ego-states. In looking for driver behaviors you need to shrink your time-scale. Driver behaviors are typically shown within half- a-second to one second. Observing within this short time-span takes some initial practice if you are not used to it. But it soon becomes second nature. The caution dont interpret applies here just as it did when we were discussing behavioral diagnosis in general. Stay with the behaviors you can actually see and hear. For instance as you look at me you may be tempted to say I look stern. But what am I doing with my face body and voice which you interpret as sternness Where do you see muscle tension Is my voice low high loud harsh Are my eyebrows up or down In what direction am I looking What hand gestures d o you see me making To become skilful at detecting drivers stay with observable clues like these. Following is a list of the clues for each driver. Be Perfect Words: the person in Be Perfect will often use parentheses. For example: Im here today as I said to teach you about drivers. TA is we might say a theory of personality. The wording for Be Perfect frequently includes words and phrases like these whether in parentheses or not. They act as qualifiers but add no new information to whats being said. Typically: as it were probably possibly certainly completely one might say as we have seen. Another clue is that the speaker may count points off by numbers or letters. Our topics today are — one — to discuss drivers and — two — to study their relationship to script. Tones: often sound Adult. Well-modulated neither high nor low. Gestures: counting on the fingers to accompany the points counted off by letters or numbers in the wording. Hand may stroke chin in the traditional thinkers gesture. Fingertips may be placed together in a V shape the gesture called steepling. Postures: often looks like Adult. Upright evenly balanced round midline. Facial expressions: eyes look upwards less often downwards and to one side usually while the person is making a pause in speech. Its as though the person were trying to read the perfect answer written somewhere on the ceiling or floor. At the same time the mouth is often slightly tensed with the corners drawn a little outwards. Please Others Words: the person in Please Others often uses the high-wr-low sentence structure we have already met as a clue to the After script. 156

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Drivers and the Miniscript Ive really enjoyed your teaching but I dont know if Ill remember what you said. What a terrific party But by golly Im going to regret it in the morning. Frequently she will put in querying words and phrases like OK hmm all right by you kind of... sort of... Tones: high voice squeaky tone typically rising at the end of each sentence. Gestures: reaching out with the hands usually palms up. Head nodding. Postures: shoulders hunched up and forward. Leaning towards the other person. Facial expressions: the person in Please Others will very often look at you with her face turned slightly downwards. Thus she needs to look up at you with her eyebrows raised. This in turn means that she crinkles her brow up into horizontal lines. At the same time she shapes her mouth in an expression similiar to a smile. However as compared to a non-driver genuine smile the Please Others expression is more tense. The upper teeth are bared and sometimes the lower teeth are shown as well. Try Hard Words: often the person in Try Hard will use the word try. What Im trying to tell you is... Ill try and do what we agreed. When used in this driver fashion try always conveys Ill try to do it instead of doing it. Other typical words are: difficult cant what whats that again dont get you its hard to... and interrogative grunts like huh uh. Tones: the person will sometimes tense up the throat muscles so that the voice sounds muffled or strangled. Gestures: often one hand is placed beside the eyes or beside one car as though the person were straining to hear or see something. Fists may be clenched. Postures: with Try Hard as with Please Others the person often strains forward. Hands may be placed on the knees. General impression is of a hunched-up pose. Facial expressions: a frequent clue for Try Hard is that the person crunches his brow up so that two vertical lines appear above his nose. The eyes and sometimes the whole face may be screwed up into tight wrinkles. Be Strong Words: a person in Be Strong will often use words that convey: my feelings and actions are not my responsibility but are caused by agencies outside me. 157

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TA Today Youre making me angry. This book bores me. The thought strikes me that... His attitude forced mc to fight back. The inner-city environment brings about violence. Often too he uses distancing words like one you people it that when he is talking about himself. That feels good meaning I feel good. You have to keep your feelings to yourself meaning I have to. Situations like this put pressure on one. Tones: flat monotonous usually low. Gestures: Be Strong is marked by an absence of gesture. Postures: frequently the posture is closed. The arms may be folded or crossed in front of the body. Legs may be crossed or placed in the figure-four position with the ankle of one leg resting on the knee of the other. The whole body conveys immobility. Facial expressions: the face is expressionless and immobile. Hurry Up Words: hurry quick get going lets go no time to... Tones: staccato machine-gun-like. Sometimes the person in Hurry U p will rush the words out so quickly that she scrambles them up. Gestures: finger-tapping foot-tapping or wagging wriggling round in the chair repetitive checking of watch. Postures: no specific posture but the overall impression is of agitated movement. Facial expressions: frequent rapid changes in direction of gaze. No one clue necessitates a driver For reliable diagnosis of a driver you need to look for several clues for that driver occurring together. Do not go on just one clue. For instance hearing me say Ill try to... you may conclude: Aha Hes in Try Hard driver. But that does not necessarily follow. Were you to look at my other behavioral clues you might see me tensing my mouth looking upwards at the ceiling and ticking off points on my fingers. These signals would make it more likely that I was actually in the Be Perfect driver. Alternatively I could speak the words Ill try to... while my other behavioral clues signaled that I was in Adult not in any driver. Primary driver Each of us shows all five of the driver behaviors. But most people have one driver which they show most frequently. Often this will also be the 158

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Drivers and the Miniscript driver they show first when they respond to a transactional stimulus. This is called their primary driver. Some people have two main drivers which are about equal in frequency. Much less often you meet someone who shows an even spread of three or more drivers. • PRACTICING DRIVER DETECTION If you have a television set watch an interview program. Use it as practice in detecting the second-by-second clues of driver behavior. If you have a video recorder record the program while you are doing this. Later play back the recording in slow motion or with stop-frames. Check your second-by-second observations against this. Experiment to see whether different TV personalities typically show different primary drivers. Does your favorite comedian have a different primary driver from your least favorite politician What do you think is your own primary driver Write your answer down. Now get an objective check. Either have yourself observed by someone else who knows driver clues or have yourself recorded on video and play back the recording. Were you right in your initial guess of your own primary driver If you are working in a group get into sub-groups of three. Decide who will be client who counselor and who observer. The client talks to the counselor for three minutes on any light topic. The counselor listens and responds in any way she wishes and is also responsible for timekeeping. The observer with pencil and paper notes down which drivers he detects in the behavior of client and counselor. To simplify the exercise first time through the observer can concentrate on the clients driver behaviors only. When the three minutes is up the observer feeds back what driver clues he observed. Then switch roles and repeat the exercise. Look out for driver behavior in all sorts of everyday interaction. Practice detecting drivers as you work shop travel have casual conversations with friends. Do not tell people you are doing this unless you know for sure they are interested. Drivers and process script types By noting my primary driver you can tell my main process script type. 2 The correspondences between the two are shown in the following list. 159

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TA Today Primary driver Process script Until After Never Always Almost Type 1 Almost Type 2 Open-ended Be Perfect Please Others Be Strong Try Hard Please Others + Try Hard Please Others + Be Perfect Please Others + Be Perfect The two types of Almost script are shown by people who have Please Others ranking first-equal with Try Hard and Be Perfect respectively. For the Open-ended script the person will also show Please Others plus Be Perfect but both drivers will be shown more intensely than for Almost Type 2. Why is driver behavior related so closely to process script type The answer is that the driver behaviors themselves are miniature versions of the process scripts. Each time I go into a driver behavior I play out the corresponding process script pattern within the space of half-a-second. As Taibi Kahler expresses it: The five drivers are the functional manifestations of not-OK structural counterscripts. For instance suppose I am teaching a class about TA. I say: TA — which was first developed by Eric Berne in approximately the years from the late 1950s onwards — is a system or should we say model for understanding personality that at least is a beginning definition. As I come out with this mouthful of parentheses I am looking upwards at the ceiling as though I expected to see the perfect definition written there. I am ticking off with my fingers the two concepts system and model to make sure Ive said it in every way possible. In the instant I carry out this set of Be Perfect behaviors I am obeying an internal Parental voice that says: Youre only OK around here if you get everything right. Listening to this voice from my Adapted Child I am believing that I cant finish my sentence until Ive covered the entire waterfront. Thus in those few seconds I have lived out my main script process of Until. In doing so I have reinforced that process. Now lets re-run that sequence. As I face the class I look squarely at them and relax. I say: TA is a model for understanding personality. It was developed by Eric Berne. His first studies on it were in the late 1950s. Saying it this way I stay in Driver-free Adult. I have tuned out the old Parent voice in my head that tells me I have to Be Perfect. Instead I have listened to a new tape which I have installed. It says: Youre already good enough as you are Through my understanding of driver behavior I have deliberately 160

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Drivers and the Miniscript avoided using parentheses. Instead I have delivered my information in smaller chunks. I havent managed to say quite as much as I said in the driver-ridden version. But if you were a student in my class which version would you find more understandable In stepping out of my driver pattern I have also stepped out of my Until script. And in doing so I have weakened my Until pattern. I have made it even more easy for myself to step outside it the next time round. This driver-script relationship holds also for the other four drivers. Each time I show the Please Others driver I am living out the After pattern. The Parental voice in my head repeats the counterscript: Youre only OK around here if you please people. With raised eyebrows and toothy smile I hope from Adapted Child I am being pleasing enough. But Im scared that sooner or later Ill run out of energy to please and then will come the downer as the sword of Damocles falls on my head. T o step out of Please Others I keep myself aware of the Please Others driver behaviors. In particular I relax my eyebrows instead of raising them and thus keep my forehead smooth instead of crinkling it in horizontal lines. As I do this I play a new message to myself in my head. It says: Youre OK to please yourself Since Im no longer basing my OKness on pleasing people I ca n also let go my scare of what may happen tomorrow if I dont please them enough. In showing Be Strong I am tuning in a counterscript message: Youre only OK if you hide your feelings and wants from people. Dont let them see youre weak. Listening to this in Adapted Child I obey by shutting down external signals. I keep my face impassive move little speak in a flat voice. As I show this set of Be Strong behaviors I live out and reinforce the Never process pattern. I may be wanting contact and strokes from the others around me. But by keeping up my expressionless front I give them no clue of this. Like Tantalus I stop myself from making the move I would need to make to get what I want. If I get tired of copying Tantalus I let down my facade. I practice how to show my feelings in voice expression and gesture. Especially I explore the pleasure of moving freely in all kinds of ways. Breaking out of my Be Strong behavior patterns I am also breaking free of my Never script. I have installed a new voice in my head that says: Go ahead and show how you feel. Be open about what you want. Suppose my primary driver is Try Hard. As you ask me a question I hunch forward crunching my brow into two vertical lines above my nose. I squint my eyes. My hand is u p beside my head as though I had difficulty in hearing you. I say: Huh What Didnt get you. Actually my hearing is fine. I am in the Try Hard driver. During those few seconds I am listening to a Parental voice from the past. It tells me: To be OK around here you have to keep trying hard to do things. In order to obey this command I know in Adapted Child that I cant let myself actually get 161

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TA Today around to doing anything. If I did do it I couldnt keep on trying hard to do it any more. As I try to do things but dont I continue to go round and round in the Always script pattern. Maybe I dont much like where I am at the moment. I try hard to get somewhere else but dont actually do what Id need to do to get there. I can disable Try Hard and Always by setting up a new tape for myself that says: Youre OK to go ahead and do it Each moment I feel myself beginning to make those two vertical lines in my brow I relax and let them smooth out again. I listen so I hear what people say to me. If at times they do speak indistinctly I say: I didnt hear you. Will you say that again The connections between script and driver for the two Almost scripts and the Open-ended script are not so clear. By conjecture it isnt difficult to see how the combined counterscript mottoes for the drivers might add up to the script patterns. You may care to work out what the combined mottoes are and do your own conjecturing. In any case I can step out of these process patterns also by taking action to disable the driver behaviors. There is no direct driver-script connection for the Hurry Up driver. In many ways Hurry Up is an odd-man-out among the drivers. It seems to turn up most often along with another driver as primary and to act as a reinforcer of that primary. • YOUR PRIMARY DRIVER AND SCRIPT PROCESS You have already noted which process script was most typical for you. You have noted also your primary driver. Do the two correspond in the way we have described in the section above What if they do not seem to correspond The listed connections between driver and process script are generalizations and it is conceivable they may simply not apply to you. But they have proved to apply reliably in thousands of observed cases. If they appear at first not to fit for you it is worth while to review your initial judgment on your primary driver and your process script type. In our experience the most common reason for an apparent mis-fit is that the person has not identified her primary driver accurately. • Drivers and life position From the examples we gave in the section on Drivers and process script type youll see that the driver messages in the counterscript carry a special implication about life position. The Parental message is: Youre O K //you...are perfect please others etc 162

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Drivers and the Miniscript Thus when I am in script and listening to this Parental message in my Adapted Child my position is: Im OK as long as I...am perfect please others etc We say that drivers reflect a position of conditional OKness. The five allowers For each of the driver messages there is an antidote called an allower If you were lucky with your parents you got some of these allowers from them. If not you can install them yourself. We have met each of them above. Here they are in summary. Driver Allower Be Perfect Youre good enough as you are Please Others Please yourself Be Strong Be open and express your wants Try Hard Do it Hurry Up Take your time Each time you consciously step out of a driver behavior and substitute a driver-free behavior you affirm the allower non-verbally. You can also repeat the allower to yourself before you go to sleep at night and when you wake in the morning. Write it up on a big notice and put the notice where you see it frequently. Caution: if you begin experiencing bad feelings or discomfort on affirming your allower back off from doing so for a while. By feeling uncomfortable you may be letting yourself know that your counterscript driver has been covering a heavier script decision. It is advisable for you to discover and defuse that heavier decision before you continue with movement out of the driver. Origins of drivers Why are there five and only five driver behaviors Why are they the same for everybody regardless of culture age or education Why does each driver consistently accompany its own specific counterscript message Nobody knows. Taibi Kahler himself is now beginning to think that the drivers may be partly inborn a result of nature as well as nurture. 4 Hedges Capers has suggested that drivers may be viewed as a survival strategy for the infant during script-making. 5 This would certainly help to account for their apparently automatic quality. Other theorists have speculated that the five drivers are mottoes which the child first hears from his parents during toilet training. 163

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TA Today 16 4 But these ideas are still in the realm of conjecture. One of the most challenging tasks of current TA research is to produce a convincing account of the origins of driver behavior. The miniscript Drivers reflect a position of conditional OKness. They are manifestations of counterscript messages. As with any other counterinjunctions drivers may perform the script function of defending against heavier decisions formed around injunctions. But this function cuts two ways. While I am in a driver I am believing Im OK as long as I...am perfect please others etc As long as I can keep on obeying the driver counterscript command I believe I dont need to listen to the injunction. However there will be some occasions when I dont have enough energy to keep myself in the driver. At these times I fail to be perfect enough please people enough etc. to satisfy the Parent in my head. Then in terms of my script beliefs it must follow that I have to listen to the injunction. As I do so I will experience bad feelings as I replay the early decision I made around that injunction. Each time I carry this sequence through I play out my script in miniature. I also reinforce my script. This process is represented by Taibi Kahler in the model which he called the miniscript. It is shown diagramatically in Figure 16.1. 6 Position 1: driver The miniscript sequence always begins with a driver. As I listen to the counterscript message in my head I show the corresponding driver behavior. It lasts from half-a-second to seven seconds at most. While I am in the driver I experience no emotion. My Adapted Child belief is that I remain OK as long as I am obeying the driver. Two possible outcomes may follow. I may manage to try hard enough hurry up enough etc. to satisfy the demands of my internal Parent. If so I end the driver behavior. T will then move either into non- scripty behavior or into another driver. Alternatively I may not summon up enough energy to fulfil the driver command. I have not satisfied my internal Parents condition for OKness. With that conditional protection withdrawn I now believe I must listen to the injunction I had been guarding against. On the miniscript model this is marked by a movement from the driver position 1 to one of the other three positions. We say that I go through the driver to the next position. Position 2: stopper For instance suppose that as an infant I mad e the combined decision Im O K to belong so long as Im perfect. Imagine I am at a party. As I talk to

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TA Today the group around me I move in and out of my Be Perfect driver. Eventually I run low on the energy I have been using to keep on getting things right. Maybe I slip and stumble over some words or say something that people laugh at. I now go through the Be Perfect driver. Internally I judge myself: Ive not managed to be perfect. So Im not-OK. Anybody like me who gets things wrong cant possibly belong in this group. As I re-run my early decision not to belong I feel again the sense of inadequacy that I first felt at the time T mad e this decision in childhood. In the language of the miniscript the injunction I hear when I go through my driver to position 2 is called a stopper. It may be any of the twelve injunctions depending on the unique content of my own script. The term stopper is also used to describe position 2 itself. As I shift from driver to stopper I change life position. Instead of the drivers Im OK if... I now move to Im not-OK Youre OK. Re-playing the early decision I made around the injunction I also re-experience a bad feeling from my childhood — a racket feeling. The specific racket I feel will depend on the content of my own script. All the racket feelings at Position 2 will reflect the I-U+ life position. Some examples are listed in Figure 16.1. Position 3: blsimer Suppose that as a child I decided I was more comfortable blaming others for not-OK occurrences than blaming myself. In that case I may rapidly shift to the third position on the miniscript the blamer. Here my life position is Im OK Youre not-OK. I will experience a racket feeling that fits with this blaming life position. For example as I stumble over my words during the party conversation I may feel irritated with the others in the group because they dont seem to have understood me. When Taibi Kahler first drew the miniscript he called this third position vengeful Child. However the I+U- life position may be expressed functionally from negative Controlling Parent as well as from negative Adapted Child so we think that Kahlers revised name blamer is more appropriate. Position 4: despairer If my early childhood experiences led me to conclude Im not-OK and neither are you I may move to this I-U- life position during my miniscript sequence. If so I arrive at miniscript position 4 the despairer. I may get there directly from position 2 or take a detour via position 3. Here my racket feelings will be in tune with my belief that life is futile. I may feel despairing helpless hopeless or cornered. If I shift to the despairer position while speaking to my group at the party I may 166

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Drivers and the Miniscript The four myths Taibi Kahler suggests there are four myths which underlie drivers and rackets. 7 They consist of two pairs. One of each pair comes from Parent. The other is a Child response. As I get into a driver I replay a voice from my negative Nurturing Parent that says: I can make you feel good by doing your thinking for you. This is the first myth. In my Adapted Child I respond: You can make me feel good by doing my thinking for me. So long as I am believing this second myth I maintain my conditional OKness. Perhaps I go through the driver and into a racket feeling. As I do so I hear an internal voice from my negative Controlling Parent. It repeats the third myth: I can make you feel bad by what I say to you. Shifting into negative Adapted Child I echo this with the fourth myth. I begin believing: You can make me feel bad by what you say to me. When we get into drivers and rackets while communicating with 167 droop and say to myself: Oh whafs the use I never seem to get through to people. And they dont understand me anyway. In Kahlers original version of the miniscript position 4 was called final miniscript payoff. We prefer his revised name despaircr since for many people position 4 is not the final position. I may habitually play out my miniscript sequence to end up in stopper or blamer. If I was lucky with my parents or if I have resolved my script issues in therapy I may seldom go below the driver level. Movement through the miniscript Miniscript theory does not predict any specific sequence of movement from one position to another. Each individual has her own typical patterns. For instance a frequent pattern of mine may be to go through the Be Perfect driver and immediately feel irritated. I have shifted directly to blamer. Once I have spent long enough in my script I typically shift straight back into the driver for half-a-sccond then revert to non- scripty behavior. My partners most usual pattern may be to go through the Please Others driver to the stopper position. There she experiences racket feelings of inadequacy. Just occasionally she may move from position 2 over to position 4 where she feels hopeless and unloved. She will stay with those feelings for a while then return to feeling inadequate and finally shift back out of the miniscript via a flash of the Please Others driver.

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TA Today others we are re-running these mythical beliefs. Suppose you and I are having an argument. T yell at you: Now youre making me feel annoyed At that instant Im believing the fourth myth Other people can make me feel bad by what they say to me. In reality there is no means by which this can happen. I am responsible for my own feelings and actions. For sure I am responding to your words by feeling annoyed. But you are not making me feel annoyed. If I chose I could feel amused blank scared excited or any other of a thousand feelings. In your turn you may actually believe that you are irritating me. Perhaps you want me to be irritated. But you cannot make me feel that way. You can issue me with a strong invitation. Whether respond to your invitation is up to me. • YOUR MINISCRIPT PATTERNS Think of some recent situations in which you responded to stress by feeling bad. In your imagination re-play each situation up to the point when you just began experiencing the bad feeling. You dont have to re-play the bad feeling itself. For each situation check answers to the following questions. What driver did you go through What position on the miniscript did you go to first What bad feeling did you experience there Did you shift to a second or third position on the miniscript If so again register what bad feelings you experienced. After checking several situations determine whether you have one or more typical patterns of movement round the miniscript. Do you want to change any of these patterns If so you can make changes at any point. It may take some initial practice. Get used to detecting your own driver clues as you show them. With this ability catch the driver behavior at the instant you begin doing it. By Adult decision step out of the driver. Instead behave in a way which fits the corresponding allower. If you miss the driver clues you may go through the driver and begin feeling bad. If so simply choose to change the way you feel. In place of the bad feeling substitute a good one of your own choice. You can do this at any time. Each time you choose to follow an allower instead of a driver you help extinguish your miniscript pattern in future. You do the same each time you choose to feel good instead of feeling a racket. Do you find it difficult to believe that the third and fourth myths are really myths Many people do on first acquaintance. If you are one of 168

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Drivers and the Miniscript 169 them do a pencil-and-paper exercise. Simply write down any way in which you believe one person could make another person feel bad by what they say to that person. If you think you have found such a way ask yourself another question: could the person spoken to have chosen to feel any other feeling If so then the speaker could not have been making the other person feel in a particular way. In this exercise we are not talking of physical assault. If somebody hits me with a brick its obvious that they are making me feel bad. But words arent bricks. •

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Chapter 17 DISCOUNTING In the process of living I am continually being presented with problems. How do I get across the road without being killed How do I deal with the work assignment Ive just been given How do I respond to a friendly or an aggressive approach from someone Each time I meet a problem I have two options. I can use the full power of my grown-up thinking feeling and actions to solve the problem. Or I can go into script. If I do move into script I begin perceiving the world so that it seems to fit the decisions I made as an infant. I am likely to blank out my awareness of some aspects of the real situation. At the same time I may blow up other aspects of the here-and-now problem into giant proportions. Instead of taking action to solve the problem I rely on the magical solution which my script offers. I hope in Child that by working this magic I can manipulate the world into providing a solution for me. Instead of being active I become passive. In Part V we look at this contrast between passivity and problem- solving. This area of T A theory is known as Schiffian or Cathexis theory after the Schiff family who first developed it and the Cathexis Institute which they founded. The Schiffs define passivity as how people dont do things or dont do them effectively. 1 Nature and definition of discounting Discounting is defined as unawarely ignoring information relevant to the solution of a problem. 1 Imagine I am sitting in a crowded restaurant. I begin to feel thirsty and think Id like a glass of water. I try to catch the eye of the waiter. He pays no attention. I gesture again. Still no response. At this instant I go into script. Without being aware of it I begin replaying a time in my infancy when I had wanted to call my mother to me and she had not come. I put my mothers face on the unresponsive waiter. At the same time I begin acting feeling and thinking as though I were still a young child. I droop and feel hopeless. I say to myself in my head: Its no good. No matter how much I try hes not going to come. To get to this conclusion I have had to ignore some information 173

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TA Today about here-and-now reality. I have discounted several options I have as a grown-up options I did not have as a baby. I could have stood up walked over to the waiter and shouted in his ear. I could have gone to the nearest table where there was a water-jug asked for it and poured myself a drink. Had I acted in these ways I would have been active in problem-solving instead of passive. A friend is sitting with me in the restaurant. Seeing the waiters lack of response to my gestures my friend gets angry. H e snorts: That fellow is obviously incompetent. If I had my way Id see him fired My friend has also gone into script. But as a child he decided upon the life position I + U- rather than my own I-U+ . Now he sees the waiter through the spectacles of his own script. He discounts the waiters competence to respond to my call. Like me my friend is being passive. His sitting there snarling about the waiter will do nothing to get me my glass of water. Grandiosity Every discount is accompanied by grandiosity. This is an exaggeration of some feature of reality. The expression making a mountain out of a molehill aptly describes grandiosity. As one feature of the situation is blotted out or diminished through discounting so another feature is blown up out of proportion by grandiosity. When I sat in the restaurant feeling hopeless because the waiter wasnt bringing my glass of water I was not only discounting my own options. I was also crediting the waiter with power he didnt have the power to determine whether or not I got any water. As my friend discounted the waiters competence he was also being grandiose about himself. He was taking on himself the role of judge and jury when he had neither adequate evidence nor responsibility to do so. • Think back to a recent situation in which the outcome was unsatisfactory for you. That situation represents a problem which you didnt solve. Looking back do you now identify a feature or features of reality that you were discounting Could you have acted in a different way that you didnt think of at the time Were you ignoring somebody elses ability to act in a particular way Were there resources in the situation that were available but which you didnt think of using Do you identify where you were being grandiose What features of yourself others or the situation were you blowing up out of proportion If you are working in a group or if you have a friend who is willing to help you get a second opinion on your answers. It is often easier for us to spot other peoples discounting and grandiosity than to spot our own. 174

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Discounting Whether or not you have got immediate answers to these questions keep your problem situation in mind. You can refer to it again as background to the further discussion in this chapter. • The four passive behaviors When I discount I d o so by making a statement to myself in my own head. Thus a discount itself is not observable. Since you cant thought-read you have no way of knowing I am discounting unless I speak or act in some way which indicates the presence of the discount. There are four types of behavior which always indicate that the person concerned is discounting. These four passive behaviors are: Doing nothing Overadaptation Agitation Incapacitation or violence. Doing nothing The members of a T A group are sitting in a circle. The group leader says: Lets go round the group and each person say what he or she appreciates or resents about todays session. If you dont want to take part its OK to say "pass". The exercise begins. People round the group each give an appreciation or resentment. One or two say pass. Then comes Normans turn. Theres a silence. People wait for Norman to say something but he doesnt. He sits unmoving and silent staring into space. Since he doesnt seem to want to speak any appreciation or resentment the person next to him waits for him to say pass. But Norman doesnt do that either. He continues to sit as if dumb. Norman is showing the passive behavior called doing nothing. Instead of using energy to take problem-solving action he is using it to stop himself from acting. A person exhibiting this passive behavior feels uncomfortable and experiences himself as not thinking. He is discounting his own ability to do anything about the situation. Overadaptation Amy comes into the house after a hard days work. Her husband Brian is sitting reading a newspaper. Looking beyond him into the kitchen Amy sees a huge pile of unwashed dishes beside the sink. Hi says Brian. Hope youve had a good day. Just about time for tea isnt it Taking her coat off Amy goes straight through to the 175

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TA Today kitchen. She washes the pile of dishes and gets down to making tea. Neither Brian nor Amy notice that he has not asked her to wash the dishes and make tea. Nor has she asked him if he wants her to. Still less has she paused to think whether she herself wants to wash the dishes or whether it might be more appropriate if Brian washed them. Amys passive behavior is overadaptation. When someone overadapts she is complying with what she believes in Child are the wishes of others. She does so without checking with them what their wishes are in reality and without any reference to what her own wishes are. The person in overadaptation unlike the person who is doing nothing experiences herself as thinking during the passive behavior. He r thinking though actually proceeds from a contamination. Someone in overadaptation will often be experienced by others as helpful adaptable or accommodating. Thus overadaptation is frequently stroked by those to whom the person relates. Because of this social acceptability and because the person appears to be thinking overadaptation is the most difficult to detect of the four passive behaviors. The person in overadaptation is discounting her ability to act on her own options. Instead she follows options she believes others want. Agitation The class of students is listening to the lecturer. At the back of the room sits Adam. The lecturer is speaking rather quietly and Adam has difficulty in hearing him. As the lecture period goes on Adam has more and more trouble following what the lecturer is talking about. He puts down his pen and starts drumming his fingers on the desk. If we could see underneath that desk wed notice that Adam is waggling his foot rapidly up and down in time to his finger-drumming. Adam is showing agitation. In this passive behavior the person is discounting his ability to act to solve a problem. He feels acutely uncomfortable and engages in purposeless repetitive activity in an attempt to relieve the discomfort. Energy is directed into the agitated activity instead of into action to solve the problem. During agitation the person does not experience himself as thinking. If Adam were using his clear Adult he could simply attract the lecturers attention and ask him to speak up. As it is his finger-drumming and foot-waggling do nothing towards solving his problem. Many common habits entail agitation. Nail-biting smoking hair- twiddling and compulsive eating are all examples. Incapacitation and violence Betty is in her late thirties. The younger of two daughters she still lives at 176

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Discounting home with her aged mother whom she looks after. The old woman despite her age is really in pretty sound health. Out of the blue Betty meets a man and they fall in love. Happily she announces to her mother that she intends to move out to live with him and perhaps get married. A couple of days later the mother begins having dizzy spells and has to tak e to her bed. The doctor can find nothing physically wrong with her. But Betty begins to feel guilty about her intention to move out. Mothers passive behavior is incapacitation. Here the person disables herself in some way. Discounting her own ability to solve a problem she hopes in Child that by incapacitating herself she can get someone else to solve it. Incapacitation can sometimes be in the form of psychosomatic ailments as here. Alternatively it can be achieved by mental breakdown or by abuse of drugs or alcohol. Robert has just had a furious row with his girlfriend. He storms out of the house and walks the streets for a long while. He goes down town has a few beers. Then he picks up a chair and smashes all the plate-glass windows in the bar. Roberts passive behavior is violence. It may seem strange to refer to violence as a passive behavior. But it is passive because it is not directed at solving the problem in hand. When Robert smashes the windows he does nothing to resolve his differences with his girlfriend. Incapacitation can be viewed as violence directed inwards. In both incapacitation and violence the person is discounting his ability to solve a problem. He releases a burst of energy directed against self or others in a desperate attempt to force the environment to solve the problem for him. Incapacitation or violence will often follow a period of agitation. When the person is agitating he is building up energy which he may then discharge destructively by either incapacitating or getting violent. • Review the problem situation you considered in the last section. Do you identify which of the passive behaviors you engaged in Now re-run the situation in your minds eye. When you come to the moment where you began the passive behavior imagine yourself instead staying in Adult and using the full power of your grown-up thinking feeling or behaving to solve the problem. How do you then act differently • Discounting and ego-states Discounting can be related to what you already know about ego-state pathology Chapter 6. 177

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TA Today Discounting may indicate the presence of contamination. That is to say: when I am discounting T may be mis-perceiving reality to fit Parent or Child script beliefs which I mistake for Adult thinking. Exclusion may be another source of discounting. Here I am ignoring aspects of reality because I am blanking out on e or more of my ego-states. If I am excluding my Child I will ignore the wants feelings and intuitions I carry from my own childhood which might in reality be relevant to the problem I have to solve in the present. With excluded Parent I will blank out the rules and definitions of the world I learned from my parent- figures though these also can often be useful in problem-solving. An excluded Adult means that I discount my own ability to assess feel or act in direct response to any feature of the here-and-now situation. As you would expect excluded Adult is the most disabling of the three exclusions in terms of the persons intensity of discounting. Often discounting can occur without any ego-state pathology. In these cases it is simply the result of the persons Adult being uninformed or misinformed. For instance an over-weight lady decides to go on a slimming diet. She stops eating bread potatoes and pasta. Instead she takes nuts and cheese. In fact the nuts and cheese have more calories per ounce than the foods shes given up. She discounts this fact simply because she doesnt know about it. In terms of the functional model of ego-states discounting can be straighlorwardly expressed. Whenever I am coming from any negative ego-state part I am discounting. And whenever I am discounting I am coming from a negative ego-state part. The one idea defines the other. To say I am coming from a negative part of my personality means I am thinking feeling or behaving in some way that gets me uncomfortable unsuccessful or ineffective results. It means I have not solved a problem. And when I stop myself solving a problem I necessarily have been discounting. Detecting discounts You know that discounting not observable in itself can be inferred by the persons showing any of the four passive behaviors. There are many other ways of detecting discounts. Driver behavior always indicates a discount. Remember that when I show a driver I am internally replaying the script belief: Im only OK if I...Try Hard Please Others etc The reality is that I am OK whether or not I follow these driver messages. The Schiffs specify certain thinking disorders as clues to discounting. One ot these is over-detailing. Asked a simple question the person showing this disorder will reply with a long tirade of minute details. Over- generalization is the opposite to this in which the person expresses ideas 178

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Discounting only in sweeping global terms. Well my problem is something huge. People are after me. Things are getting me down. In Part VT we shall look at rackets games and behaviors from the Drama Triangle. All these also confirm the presence of discounting. Verbal clues One of the skills of T A is to identify discounting by listening to the words people use. In the examples we have given in this chapter we have chosen words that made it clear the speaker was discounting. In everyday conversation the verbal clues to discounting are usually more subtle. In theory what we are listening for is straightforward. We know the speaker is discounting when she says something in which information about reality is ignored or distorted. The difficulty in practice is that everyday speech is full of discounts so much so that we become desensitized to them. We need to re-learn the skill of listening to what is really being said and testing each statement against reality. For instance when someone says T cant... he will most often be discounting. The test is to ask yourself: Well can he either now or some time Ill try to... is usually a discount since what it implies is usually Ill try to but I wont do it. The same is true of all other driver wording. Be Strong discounts are particularly common. What you say is boring me. Im baffled by this problem. A thought just crossed my mind. Sometimes a discount is signaled by leaving out a part of the sentence. For instance a member of a TA group may look around the other group members and announce: I want a hug. She doesnt say whom she wants the hug from. She is omitting information relevant to the solution of her problem — how to get the hug she wants — and her request thus entails a discount. Nonverbal clues Equally important is the skill of identifying discounts from nonverbal clues. Here the discount is signaled by a mis-match between the words being said and the nonverbal signals that go with them. Youll recall from Chapter 5 that this mis-matching is called incongruity. For example a teacher asks his pupil: Do you understand the assignment Ive set you The pupil replies Sure. But at the same time he puckers his brow and scratches his head. If the teacher is alert to thinking Martian he will ask more questions to check whether his pupil is discounting. Incongruity does not always indicate discounting. For instance the 179

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TA Today chairman of a meeting stands up and pronounces: Today we have a lot of work ahead of us. But as he makes this serious statement he beams round the table. His Martian signals simply: And Im glad to see you all here. Gallows One frequent indication of a discount is gallows laughing. Here the person laughs when making a statement about something unpleasant. Oh That was silly of me ha ha Hee hee hee — I sure got the better of him. Had a bit of a bump in the car on the way over here ho ho In gallows there is incongruity between the laugh and the painful content of the words. Whenever someone gives a gallows laugh smile or chuckle he is making a non-verbal invitation to the listeners to reinforce one of his script beliefs. The invitation is accepted on psychological level if the listeners join in the gallows laughing. For instance the person who says Im silly ha ha is in script inviting the listeners to join his laughter and thus confirm his script belief: T cant think. The straight response to gallows is to refuse to join in the laughing or smiling. You may also say: Thats not funny if you are in a situation where it is socially appropriate to do so. • You have already practiced the skill of thinking Martian. Now you can refine this skill by distinguishing the nonverbals that signal discounts from those that do not. In fact it is not always possible to tell clearly from someones nonverbal signals whether he is discounting. If it is important for you to know you may have to check your impressions by verbal questioning. • 180

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Chapter 18 THE DISCOUNT MATRIX Discounting results in unsolved problems. Thus if we can devise a systematic way of identifying the nature and intensity of discounting we will have a powerful tool for problem-solving. Such a tool exists. It is called the discount matrix and was developed by Ken Mellor and Eric Sigmund. 1 The discount matrix starts from the idea that we can classify discounts according to three different criteria: area type level. Areas of discounting There are three areas in which people can discount: self others and the situation. In the example given above where I was sitting in the restaurant drooping bScause the waiter wasnt bringing my glass of water I was discounting myself. T wa s ignoring my own ability to take action to get what I wanted. My friend who got angry and started criticizing the waiter was discounting not himself but the other person. In judging the waiter incompetent he was blanking out any aspects of the waiters actions that might have contradicted his criticism. Suppose that after drooping lor a while Id turned to my friend and said: Well there we are. It really isnt fair that these other people are getting served and Im not. But then this world is an unfair place isnt it Here Id have been discounting the situation. Types of discounting The three types of discounting are of: stimuli problems and options. To discount a stimulus is to blank out perception that something is happening at all. As 1 sat in the restaurant I might simply not have allowed myself to feel that I was thirsty. I would have been discounting the stimulus of my own thirst. Maybe my friend in calling the waiter incompetent had not seen the way in which the waiter had actually 181

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TA Today succeeded in serving many other customers even though the evidence was right there in front of him. The person who discounts a problem realizes that something is happening but ignores the fact that whatever is happening poses a problem. Feeling thirsty there in the restaurant I might have said to my friend: T feel very thirsty right now but oh well it doesnt matter. When discounting options the person is aware that something is happening and that it constitutes a problem. But she blanks out the possibility that anything can be done about the problem. This is where I was discounting in the original version of the restaurant scene. As I sat drooping I knew that I felt thirsty. I was aware that my thirst was a problem to me. But I was unawarely ignoring the many options I had other than just sitting and hoping the waiter would respond. Levels modes of discounting The terms level and mode are interchangeable but level gives a clearer idea of what is meant. The four levels of discounting are: existence significance change possibilities and personal abilities. Lets apply those four levels to my discounting of my own options in our example. In the original version of the scene I was discounting the existence of my own options to solve the problem. I didnt even consider the possibility of for example walking over and speaking to the waiter instead of gesturing to him. If I had been discounting the significance of my options I might have said to my friend: I suppose I could go over and ask him. But I bet asking him wouldnt make any difference. Here Id have realized there was something different I could do but blanked out the possibility that this action could have any effect. Discounting my options at the level of change possibilities I might have said: Of course I could walk across and collar the fellow. But people just dont do that in restaurants. In this case I would have let myself realize that the option existed and that it might have results while ignoring the possibility that anyone could actually put the option into practice. At the level of personal abilities I might have discounted by saying: T know I could go across and ask him for some water. But I just dont have the nerve to do it. Here I am aware the option exists and could bring results. I realize that some people in the world might well use that option. But I dismiss my own ability to do so. The discount-matrix diagram The discount matrix is compiled by listing all the possible combinations of 182

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The Discount Matrix Figure 18.1 The discount matrix types and levels of discount. When we do so we get the diagram shown in Figure 18.1. Youll see that the matrix has three columns for the three types of discount and four rows for the four modes or levels. The wording in each of the resulting twelve boxes indicates the combination of type and level. Lets take another example to help explain the meaning of the matrix. Suppose two friends are talking. One of them is a heavy smoker. As he lights up yet another cigarette he is convulsed by a bout of coughing. His friend says to him: Thats a terrible cough. Im concerned about you. Please give up smoking. What might the smoker reply if he were discounting in each of the twelve different boxes on the matrix If the smoker were discounting the existence of stimuli he might reply: What cough 1 wasnt coughing. Discounting the existence of the problem he might say: Oh no Im fine thanks. Ive always had a cough. He is letting himself be aware of his cough but blotting out the possibility that this may constitute a problem for him. Notice next that in doing this the smoker is also discounting the significance of the stimulus. In discounting the possibility that his cough may be a problem he is also discounting the fact that the cough may have some meaning significance for him. 183

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TA Today This is indicated on the matrix diagram by the diagonal arrow connecting the boxes for existence of problems and significance of stimuli. The arrow means that one of these discounts will always entail the other. All the diagonal arrows on the diagram have this meaning. The T numbers entered at the top left of each box are labels for the different diagonals. For instance discounts of the existence of problems and of the significance of stimuli correspond to diagonal T 2 . Lets test this out on the next diagonal down T 3 . We can take the top-right box on this diagonal where the smoker is discounting the existence of options. He might show this by replying: Well yes but we smokers do cough you know A short life and a happy one thats what I say ha ha. Now he is admitting that he has a cough and that the cough may well indicate a problem namely that smoking can kill people. But he is blanking out the possibility that anyone can do anything to avoid smokers cough. In doing so he also blanks out any perception that the possibility of being killed by smoking is something he might be concerned about. He discounts the significance of the problem. And by his denial that anything can possibly be done by anyone to get rid of a smokers cough he discounts the changeability of the stimulus. Check that the same equivalence of discounts also applies along the other diagonals. On T 4 the smoker might say: Well yes I suppose I should give up really. But Ive been smoking so long I dont think my giving up now is going to make any difference. On T 5 he might respond: Sure youre right I need to give up. But I cant figure out how to do it. And on T 6 the smoker might say: Yes Ive been telling myself for ages I should throw my cigarettes and lighter away. But I just cant seem to get round to it. Another feature of the matrix is tha t a discount in any box also entails discounts in the boxes below it and to its right. For instance suppose a person is discounting the existence of a problem. Since he is not allowing himself to be aware that the problem even exists hes obviously also going to blank out any perception that the problem may be significant. Nor will he be thinking whether he or anyone else can solve the problem. He is thus discounting in the entire column of boxes related to problems. And since he is ignoring the existence of the problem why should he consider whether there are options for solving it Because he thus discounts the existence of options he will also discount all the other boxes in the options column. Finally recall that a discount of the existence of problems is 184

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The Discount Matrix equivalent to discounting the significance of stimuli along diagonal T 2 . Therefore the other two boxes below it in the stimuli column will be discounted also. To summarize: a person discounting on any diagonal will also be discounting in all the boxes below and to the right of that diagonal. You may wish to go back to the smoker examples and confirm this hierarchy of discounts. • Make up the discount matrix for another imaginary case. Wife and husband have just settled down in bed for the night. Then in the next room their baby starts crying. The husband says to his wife: Do you think one of us should go and see why the babys crying Work out the responses his wife might give if she were discounting on each of the diagonals in the discount matrix. Confirm that the hierarchy of discounts applies. • Using the discount matrix Whenever a problem is not being solved some information relevant to the solution of that problem is being ignored. The discount matrix gives us a systematic way of pinpointing what information is being missed. This in turn provides guidance to the specific actions we need to take to solve the problem. Youll recall that if a person is discounting on any given diagonal of the matrix she will also be discounting in all the boxes below and to the right of that diagonal. This gives us an important clue to the process of problem-solving. When a problem remains unsolved despite efforts to solve it this is often because the person is addressing the problem on too low a diagonal of the discount matrix. It follows that in using the matrix as a problem-solving tool we need to begin by looking for discounts on the highest diagonal first. We step into the matrix at the top left-hand corner. Tf we discover a discount there we need to deal with that discount before going any further downwards or to the right. Why Because if we miss that initial discount and try to deal with a discount on any lower diagonal our intervention will itself be discounted. Lets illustrate this by referring back to the example about the smoker and his concerned friend. Suppose you are that friend. As you listen to the smokers hacking cough you say to yourself: Hes going to kill himself if he doesnt stop smoking. Something needs to be done about this. So you say out loud: Im concerned about you. Please give up smoking. With your intervention you have addressed the problem on the 185

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TA Today lowest diagonal of the box. The issue is whethe r the smoker is going to act on a specific option. But suppose the smoker is discounting much higher on the matrix For example he may be on diagonal T 2 . This will mean he is aware that he has a hacking cough. But he does not regard this as being of any concern to him. He does not perceive it as a problem. In terms of the discount matrix he is discounting the significance of the stimulus and the existence of the problem. Its obvious then that he will also discount any relevance in what you have just said to him. Why should he have any investment in stopping smoking when as far as he is aware his smokers cough is not a problem Since you cant read his mind you have no way of knowing where he is discounting until he responds to you. And notice here an important point: he may respond from the highest diagonal on which he is discounting but may also respond from any diagonal below it. For instance suppose he replies: Hm yes I know I should give up but 1 think once youre hooked on this habit youre hooked on it. This is a discount of the solvability of problems making it look as though he is discounting on diagonal T 4 . The temptation for you then is to start into an exposition of the evidence that people can in fact give up smoking. But you will get nowhere with this. The smoker is really discounting on T 2 . Thus outside of his awareness he is saying to himself: So people can give up smoking. Whats that got to do with me This cough of mine is no problem anyway. Suppose now you wanted to help your smoking friend by systematically using the discount matrix. You would begin by checking for a discount on diagonal T . Are you aware that youve got a really bad cough If he confirms he is aware of the cough you would go down to the next diagonal. You might ask: Ts that cough of yours something you bother about Were he to reply No not really its something I just take for granted you would have located his discount on T 2 . This lets you know that if your smoker friend is to give up his habit he first needs to become aware that his cough may indicate a problem. He needs to realize too that this problem may be a cause for his concern. • Use this technique to review your personal example of a problem situation you did not solve at the time. Beginning at the top left of the discount matrix check each box working downwards on successive diagonals until you identify the box in which you were discounting. As before if you are working in a group or with a willing friend it may be helpful if you get a second opinion. Test whether you were also discounting in all the other boxes on the same diagonal and those below it. 186

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The Discount Matrix What was the area of the discount Were you discounting yourself others or the environment When you have identified the discount consider its ego-state source. Did it come from a contamination An exclusion Or were you uninformed or misinformed Let yourself be aware of whatever part of reality you had previously been discounting. If you need accurate or new information get it. Now re-run the situation in your minds eye. When you come to the point at which you began to discount replace the discount with your full awareness of reality. How do you now act think or feel differently How does this alter the outcome of the situation • The discount matrix was originally developed for use in psychotherapy. But it provides an equally effective tool for problem-solving in organizations and education. In these settings also it is common for problems to remain unsolved because they are being addressed on too low a diagonal in the discount matrix. The remedy remains the same: to identify the information which is being missed start at the top left corner of the matrix and check downwards through the diagonals. Bear in mind that people often discount because they are misinformed or uninformed rather than because they are getting into script. For instance picture a university teacher with a class of his students. He asks them questions to check their understanding of his recent lectures. To his dismay they can answer hardly any. When the class finishes the lecturer tells himself: These students just havent been working. Whats the trouble Why have they no motivation By assuming that the students have not been working he is addressing a discount in the area of others on diagonal T 5 or T 6 of the discount matrix. He has assumed that his students know they may have problems if they dont work but that they either dont feel they can handle the work or just arent getting started to it. If the lecturer were to check through the discount matrix he would discover that the real problem is quite different. The fact is that when he is lecturing he mumbles. The students cant hear what he is saying. The discount is on diagonal T 2 of the matrix. To address the problem the lecturer simply needs to speak up. 187

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Chapter 19 FRAME OF REFERENCE AND REDEFINING 1 have my way of perceiving the world. You have your way and it will be different from mine. Suppose you and I stand outside a window and look at the room within. We report to each other what we see. I say: Its a fairly small room. Its square in shape. There are people in it. The carpet is green and the curtains brown. You report: Its a family scene. The whole atmosphere is warm. Theres Mother Father and two kids and theyre talking and laughing. Its a big room so they have plenty of space. Judging by these reports a listener might think you and I were looking at two completely different rooms. But the room is th e same. It is our perception of it that is different. Were we each to report on what we were hearing feeling smelling or tasting as we looked into that room the chances are that our reports of these perceptions would differ also. What is more its probable that you and I would respond to that scene in different ways. I might feel nothing in particular and walk away after viewing the room for a few minutes. Yo u might feel happy knock on the window and open a conversation with the people inside. Thus you and I differ in how we perceive the scene and how we respond to it. Your frame of reference is different from mine. The frame of reference The frame of reference is defined by the Schiffs as the structure of associated responses which integrates the various ego-states in response to specific stimuli. It provides the individual with ...an overall perceptual conceptual affective and action set which is used to define the self other people and the world..." To help explain this formal definition the Schiffs say that the frame of reference can be thought of as a filter on reality. As you and I looked at the room each of us filtered out certain parts of the scene. For instance I noted the color of the carpet but filtered out the identities of the people in the room. From your frame of reference you did the opposite. We also defined the size of the room differently. To me it was fairly small. To you it was big. It so happens that I was brought up in an old 188

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Frame of Reference and Redefining house in the country where all the rooms had been large. You spent your childhood in a city flat where the rooms were pocket-sized. Thus the definition of a big room in our respective frames of reference is different. You added another definition. You said: The whole atmosphere is warm. I had not defined atmosphere and had not even perceived it as part of the scene. Now suppose you ask me if I agree with you that the atmosphere is warm. I might reply: No I certainly dont. You may wonder how I could possibly disagree with you so flatly. Arent the family in the room talking and laughing openly with each other How could there be a warmer atmosphere than that But then I add: Warm atmosphere No that carpet is completely the wrong color. They need an orange or red one. And look at those grey walls You and 1 have encountered another way in which peoples frames of reference often differ. We have each used the same words. But the meanings we attach to the words are quite different. The definition of a warm atmosphere in this case differs between your frame of reference and mine. Frame of reference and ego-states As a further aid to understanding the frame of reference the Schiffs suggest that it can be thought of as a skin that surrounds the ego-states binding them together. As 1 perceiv e the world according to my unique frame of reference I make my own unique set of ego-state responses to that perceived world. Its in this way that the frame of reference integrates the various ego-states. As you and I looked into the room I got into Adult and made a comment on shapes sizes and colors I saw in the here-and-now. You were in Child re-playing happy memories of family scenes like this which you had enjoyed in your own childhood. Having made these ego-state shifts internally we transacted with each other externally from the ego- states we had chosen. Our frame of reference gives us the patterns in which we integrate our ego-state responses so as to express our overall personality. Role of the Parent The Parent ego-state plays a particularly important part in the formation of the frame of reference. This is because our frame of reference consists of definitions of the world self and others. It is from our parents and parent-figures that we originally learn these definitions. Depending on the age at which we receive them they may be filed away as part of the content of our own Parent ego-state P 2 or of the Parent in the Child P. 189

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TA Today Each of us has a personal set of Parental definitions of what is good bad wrong right scary easy difficult dirty clean fair unfair and so on. It is on this set of definitions that we base our views of self others and the world. We choose our responses to situations accordingly. Frame of reference and the script What is the relationship between the script and the frame of reference The answer is that the script forms part o/the frame of reference. The frame of reference in total is made up of a large number of definitions. Some of these definitions will entail discounts while others will not. The script consists of all the definitions in the frame of reference which entail discounts. When I get into script I am ignoring features of the here-and-now situation which would be relevant to the solution of a problem. I am discounting. In doing so I am replaying outdated definitions of myself others and the world which include those discounts. For instance as a child I may have received messages from my parents telling me I was not able to think. Now suppose that as a grown­ up T am about to take an examination. If I get into script at this point I begin internally replaying the old Parental definition of myself that says: You cant think Agreeing with this in my Child ego-state I accept the discount of my own thinking ability. I begin to feel inadequate and confused. Nature and function of redefining In this example the reality of the situation is that I am able to think. Thus in accepting the old definition of myself as unable to think I have distorted my perception of reality so that it fits my script. This process is called redefining. 1 You learned in Part IV that the child makes script decisions because they seem to be the best way of surviving and getting by in a hostile world. In my Child ego-state as a grown-up I may cling to these early decisions because I am still clinging to the belief that they are necessary for my survival. Thus if some feature of reality seems to challenge my script decisions I am likely to defend against it. Putting this idea into Schiffian language we say: when my scripty frame of reference is threatened I defend against the threat by redefining. As a child I accepted my parents definition of me as unable to think. I made this script decision because I believed it was the only way I had of surviving and getting my needs met. Now as I get into script as a grown-up I re-run this old survival strategy. I redefine reality by discounting my own ability to think. 190

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Frame of Reference and Redefining This does not help me solve the problem which is to pass the examination. But outside my awareness in my Child ego-state I am following a motive that seems more important than any examination could be. That is: to defend against the unspeakable disaster I fear may happen if I challenge my parents definition. Redefining transactions When I redefine I do so internally. How will you know from my outward behavior whether or not I am redefining The only external clue is that you will see or hear me discounting. Thus the signals of discounting are the external manifestation that redefining is taking place internally. Every discount represents a distortion of reality. In Chapter 17 you learned to recognize a whole range of behavioral clues which indicate that someone is discounting. These same clues then also tell you that the person is redefining. We also know someone is redefining if he shows grandiosity or a thinking disorder which are typical accompaniments to discounting. There are two distinctive transactions that give clear verbal evidence of redefining. They are the tangential transaction and the blocking transaction. Tangential transactions A tangential transaction is on e in which the stimulus and response address different issues or address the same issue from different perspectives. For example a therapist asks a group member: How do you feel She replies: Well when we spoke about this in the group yesterday I felt angry. With her response she addresses the issue of how she feels but from the perspective of yesterday instead of today. Or at a wage negotiation a union representative asks: What do you want from our side so we can conclude this agreement The personnel manager answers: Were not at all satisfied with the conditions youve proposed so far. Here the issue has been shifted from wanting to feeling satisfied with. Everyday conversation is full of tangential transactions. When people are in situations they perceive as stressful they are even more likely to redefine in this way. This is not surprising because in stressful situations people are likely to begin perceiving threats to their frame of reference. The covert purpose of going off on a tangent is to divert the other person away from the issue which constitutes the threat. The person who initiates the tangential transaction will not be consciously aware she is doing so. 191

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TA Today Often the other person will follow the tangent rather than sticking with the original topic. He may even go off on a further tangent of his own. For example: Union representative: What do you want from our side so we can conclude this agreement Personnel manager: Were not at all satisfied with the conditions youve proposed so far. U.R.: No and were not satisfied with what youve proposed either. P.M.: Oh So what would you need from us that wouiu satisfy you U.R.: Ah the trouble is Im not sure you can deliver what we need... When people get into an exchange of tangential transactions they are likely to have an uncomfortable sense that their conversation is getting nowhere or going around in circles. On the psychological level that is exactly what is intended. Conversations like these can go on for a long time. The participants may feel they have been working hard and end up feeling drained. By the close of their discussion they may have never gotten back to the original issue they had intended to address. Blocking transactions In a blocking transaction the purpose of raising an issue is avoided by disagreeing about the definition of the issue. Examples might be: Therapist: How do you feel Group member: Do you mean emotionally or physically Union representative: What do you want from our side so we can conclude this agreement Personnel manager: Are you talking about what we want or what we think we can get You will seldom hear long exchanges of blocking transactions. It is more likely that after the initial block the parties will begin detailed arguments over the definition of the issue. Or if one of the people concerned is a really determined blocker the conversation may come to a halt in a dumbfounded silence. At the psychological level the aim of the blocking transaction is the same as that of the tangential: to avoid addressing issues that would threaten the frame of reference of either or both participants. • In a group: form small groups of three. In each small group decide who is going to be client who counselor and who observer. The client chooses any topic he wishes. He and the counselor talk 192

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Frame of Reference and Redefining about that topic for three minutes. The observer or the group leader if there is one keeps time. The clients task is to respond tangentially to everything the counselor says. Each time the client goes off on a tangent the counselor is to follow him off on the new topic. The client then takes off on yet another tangent and so on. The aim is for the client to keep up a continuous chain of tangential transactions for the whole three minutes. When that time is up take another two minutes for the client and counselor to discuss their experience and for the observer to report what she heard and saw. Change roles and repeat until everyone has had a turn in each role. Now re-run the exercise but with one difference: this time the counselor is not to go with the clients tangents. Instead each time the client offers a tangent the counselor is to find ways of pulling the client back to the original topic. The clients task is still to entice the counselor away on as many tangents as he can manage. Repeat as before until everyone has played each role. Now do a similar two-part exercise but using blocking transactions instead of tangential transactions. Again in the first part of the exercise the counselor is to allow the client to block her. In the second part the counselor is to use her ingenuity to avoid being blocked while the client keeps up his efforts to block every transaction. Finally discuss how your experience of the exercise using blocking transactions differed from that of the exercise using tangential transactions. ® Because you are doing this exercise with Adult awareness your exchanges will be role-plays of tangential and blocking transactions rather than actual instances of these transactions. But the exercise gives you practice in recognizing and confronting the tangents and blocks which people may use without awareness. 193

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Chapter 20 SYMBIOSIS In Schiffian theory a symbiosis is said to occur when two or more individuals behave as though between them they form a single person. 1 In a relationship like this the people concerned will not be using their full complement of ego-states. Typically one of them will be excluding Child and using only Parent and Adult. The other will take the opposite position staying in Child while shutting out her other two ego- states. Thus they have access to a total of only three ego-states between them. This is pictured in Figure 20.1. : Ego-states not utilized : Symbiosis Figure 20.1 Symbiosis 194

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Symbiosis For instance imagine a lecturer taking a tutorial class with his students. They are working through some exercises on theory. The lecturer writes an exercise upo n the board. Turning to one of the students he asks: OK Jim will you tell us how youd work through the next steps of this and get to the solution Jim says nothing. Instead he sits silent and unmoving for a while. Then he begins to waggle his foot rapidly up and down and rub the side of his head. Still he does not say a word. The silence drags on. The other students in the class start to fidget as well. Finally the lecturer says: Seems like you dont know this one Jim. Really you should be working harder on your revision. Now heres what we do to get the solution... And he completes the exercise on the board. Jim relaxes stops waggling his foot and dutifully makes notes of the solution the lecturer has provided. At this point student and lecturer have moved into a symbiosis. By denying his own ability to reason out a solution and covertly manipulating for the lecturer to take charge of the situation Jim has discounted his own Adult and Parent ego-states. The lecturer obligingly providing the solution while giving Jim a should about his revision has stepped into the complementary role of Adult and Parent. In doing so the lecturer has discounted his own Child ego-state. Had he allowed himself to use his Child resources hed have become aware that he was feeling uncomfortable and unsatisfied with the exchange that was going on between Jim and himself. He would have tuned in to an intuition: Hey Ive just been conned into doing all the work around here and I dont like it Using that Child perception he might have been able to find a creative way of facilitating Jim and the other students to work out the problem for themselves. As it was the lecturer shut out his own Child feeling of discomfort. Instead he sought comfort by taking up his familiar symbiotic role of Adult and Parent. Jim too relaxed and felt more comfortable as soon as he had settled into his familiar Child role. Thats the trouble with symbiosis. Once a symbiosis has been established the participants feel comfortable. Theres a sense that everybody is in the role that is expected of them. But that comfort is acquired at a price: the people in the symbiosis are each shutting out whole areas of their own grown-up resources. In everyday relating people move into and out of symbiosis with each other from moment to moment. Sometimes also a long-term relationship is founde d upon symbiosis. This is true of Bill and Betty who exemplify one picture of a traditional married couple. Bill is the strong silent type. With a pipe clamped in his jaw he expresses himself in grunts. Come joy or disaster Bill keeps his feelings firmly behind a granite facade. He looks after all the household finances giving Betty a weekly 195

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TA Today allowance. When theres a decision to be made Bill makes it and tells Betty afterwards. Betty for her part sees her mission in life as being to please her husband. Shes happy to go along with his decisions because she tells her friends she likes a strong man to lean on. If a household emergency arises Betty dissolves into tears panic or giggles and waits for Bill to come home and sort it out. Some of their friends wonder occasionally how Bill manages to get along with Bettys helplessness. Others marvel that Betty can keep relating to Bill when hes so unfeeling. But in fact their marriage has lasted a good many years and looks set to last for many more. They gain their stability from being in symbiosis. Bill plays Parent and Adult to Bettys Child. Within that symbiosis each needs the other. And as always in symbiosis the stability they experience is bought at the price of discounting a part of each persons capabilities. Over time they will each build up resentment at having been discounted which is likely to cause some distancing in their relationship. • If you are working individually find someone who is willing to do this pairwork exercise with you. In a group get into pairs. For the first part of the exercise find a way of making contact in your pair so that each of you is propping the other one up physically. For instance you might turn back-to-back and lean together. Or you might put the palms of your outstretched hands against those of your partner then both move your feet back so that each person is bearing part of the others weight. Once you have found this mutual leaning position stay in it a while. Be aware what you are feeling and thinking as you do so but do not put this in words to your partner yet. Next one of you should make just the beginning of a movement out of the leaning position. Make the movement large enough to give the other person the feel of how it would be if you moved away completely. Do not move away so far that the other person actually falls down. Then the one who has moved gets back into the mutual leaning position and the other person takes a turn to make a move out. Register what you experience when you are the person who remains in the leaning position and the other person begins to move away from you. For the second part of the exercise find a way of making contact in your pair so that you are still touching but each is bearing his or her own weight. For example you might again place the palms of your hands against your partners but this time have each person stand upright instead of leaning on each other. Stay in this self-balanced position for a while. Register to yourself what you experience. How does this differ from what you experienced in the first part of the exercise Now have one partner break the contact. For example if you have 196

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Symbiosis been standing with your hands touching one of you might simply lower his hands. Register your experience when you are the person who is staying still and the other person breaks contact with you. How does this experience differ from that in the first part of the exercise when the two of you were leaning together and the other person began to move away After a while the partner who has broken contact makes that contact again. Repeat several times breaking and re-making contact all the while with both partners bearing their own weight. Run through this sequence again with the other partner being the one who breaks and makes contact. Take time to share your experiences with your partner. • The first part of this exercise is designed to literally give you the feel of symbiosis. When the two of you are leaning on each other most people report they feel comfortable or supported. But some also say they feel apprehensive in case the other person will move away and let them fall down. Almost everyone becomes aware of this apprehension when their partner does draw away slightly. This illustrates another feature of actual symbiosis. When one of the partners perceives that the other is about to withdraw from the symbiotic pairing she is likely to defend against this withdrawal. Her belief is: Without the other I wont be able to stand on my own. Paradoxically its this belief which gives symbiosis its apparent quality of stability. Recall Bill and Betty the strong silent husband and little-woman wife. Imagine that some of Bettys friends tell her about a women s group they have started and that she joins it. She becomes uncomfortable with her Child role in the symbiosis. She starts questioning some of Bills decisions. Instead of pleasing him all the time she starts pleasing herself also. She learns assertiveness techniques and starts practicing some of them on her husband. What do you guess Bills reaction will be The chances are that he will start escalating in an attempt to keep Betty in the symbiosis. He is likely to ignore or ridicule Bettys new assertiveness. He may get coldly withdrawn or openly angry when she fails to have the dinner ready for him or doesnt bring his slippers. Bill may succeed in his attempts to invite Betty back into the symbiosis. If he does not their relationship may be in for a stormy period. Another possibility is that Bill himself will change his attitudes and move out of the symbiosis. Perhaps he will d o this on his own perhaps by joining a group or going into therapy. If so the relationship between Betty and himself will change and become more like what you experienced in the second part of the exercise. Now you were still making contact with the other person but the two of you were standing up independently instead of leaning on each other. One of you could break contact and the two of you were still standing. The contact could be made and broken at will and yet neither 197

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TA Today person fell down. Theres no guarantee that you will feel more comfortable in this independent position than you did in the mutual leaning position. In fact many people report feeling less comfortable in the second part of the exercise than in the first. They are aware that they have more options — of moving breaking and making contact — than they had when they were propping each other up. Thats how it often is when two people move out of symbiosis in a relationship. They have more options more flexibility less predictability and no guarantee of feeling more comfortable initially. Healthy v. unhealthy symbiosis There are some situations in which its appropriate for people to be in symbiosis. For example suppose I have just come out from under the anaesthetic after an operation. Im lying on a trolley being wheeled down a hospital corridor. Im not very sure yet where I am but I am sure of one thing: Im hurting. Apart from the pain the main thing Im aware of is that a nurse is walking along beside me holding my hand and telling me: Youll be all right. Just hang on to my hand. A t that point my Adult and Parent are out of commission. I am in no condition to start assessing here-and-now problems. I dont have the energy to access the messages I got from my parents about how to look after myself. I am doing what is appropriate for me to do: regressing to being a child again feeling my pain and letting myself be cared for. The nurse is giving me the Adult and Parent input that I need. She is dealing with current problems while giving me protection and reassurance. This is her job so she also is appropriately in her symbiotic position. In Schiffian terms we say that the nurse and I are in a healthy symbiosis. This is contrasted with unhealthy symbiosis illustrated by the examples given earlier in this chapter. When the word symbiosis is used alone it normally implies unhealthy symbiosis. How do we distinguish formally between healthy and unhealthy symbiosis The answer is that a symbiosis will be unhealthy whenever it involves discounting. In the examples of symbiosis between the student and the lecturer and between Bill and Betty the parties were each discounting reality by acting as though they only had three ego-states between them. By contrast when I was being wheeled along on that hospital trolley the reality was that my Adult and Parent were out of action because of the trauma and the effects of the anaesthetic. The nurse was indeed using her Parent and Adult. But she wasnt necessarily discounting her own Child while she did so. Symbiosis v. normal dependency One obvious example of a healthy symbiosis is that which exists between 198

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Symbiosis a child and his parent. When the baby is born he is all Child. He doesnt yet have the capacity to solve problems or protect himself. These functions need to be performed by the parent who will appropriately use Adult and Parent ego-states in doing so. Stan Woollams and Kristy Huige have suggested the term normal dependency to denote this healthy parent-child symbiosis. 2 Recall that in a healthy symbiosis the parties are not discounting any of their ego-states. The infant does not yet have a functioning Parent or Adult so they cannot be discounted. However the parent does have a Child ego-state. To avoid slipping into unhealthy symbiosis she needs to stay aware of her own Child needs and find some way of getting these met even while she is closely involved in caring for her infant. Symbiosis and the script Thus in ideal parenting the childs caretaker will be employing Parent and Adult resources appropriately while still not discounting her own Child. As the child grows the parent will provide him with what is needed to complete each stage of development. At each stage the child acquires more and more of his own resources and so has less and less need to lean on the parent. Ideally the parent encourages the child in this appropriate separation while continuing to provide support in the areas where the child still needs it. In this ideal process the initial intense symbiosis between child and parent is progressively broken. 3 The final result is that by the time the child reaches young adulthood both parties are relating without symbiosis. Each is able to stand independently making or breaking contact at will. The trouble is that there are no ideal parents. No matter how good a job Mother and Father make of parenting every child goes through the process of development with some needs unmet along the way. This fact reveals the scripty function of symbiosis in adult life. Every symbiosis is an attempt to get developmental needs met which were not met during the persons childhood. As always with scripty behavior the person in symbiosis is using outdated strategies in his attempt to get needs met. These strategies were the best he could work out as a young child but are no longer appropriate in grown-up life. In symbiosis the person is discounting grown-up options. The discounting is outside his awareness. Whenever we get into symbiosis we are unwittingly re-playing old childhood situations where we felt an unmet need. We once again set up the relationship that existed in the past between ourselves and a parent or parent-figure and re-run the situation in an attempt to manipulate the other into satisfying the need which was not met. 199

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TA Today Choice of symbiotic position You may be thinking: OK so if symbiosis is a re-play of old childhood situations I can see why people get into the Child role in symbiosis. But why should anybody choose to be in the Parent role The answer is that some children make an early decision: The parenting around here is so ineffective that my best option is to take over as parent myself. Perhaps Mother in her own Child ego-state was scared to set firm boundaries for her children. Instead she blackmailed them by saying things like: If you do that youll hurt me or Look — youre making Father angry The child was being asked to take responsibility for the parents feelings and welfare. He might respond by deciding that his job in life was to look after his parents. Thus in effect he became a little parent himself. In grown-up life he may re-enter this role in symbiosis. Other children who perceive their parents as abusive or oppressive may take up the life position Im OK youre not-OK and fantasize about putting their parents down from a Parental position. This again is replayed in their grown-up symbiotic relationships. Symbiotic invitations When people meet they are adept at signaling to each other what symbiotic role they want to take up. These symbiotic invitations are often conveyed without words. Usually one or more of the four passive behaviors will be shown. In the example which opened this chapter Jim made his symbiotic invitation first by doing nothing then by agitation. When he sat silent and then began to fidget he was conveying to the lecturer the covert message: I need you to think for me and tell me how things are. His symbiotic invitation was for the lecturer to take up Parent and Adult roles while he took up Child. By going ahead and completing the exercise the lecturer was agreeing on that same psychological level: Yes youre right. You do need me to think for you and tell you how things are. As he did so he accepted Jims symbiotic invitation. Sometimes a symbiotic invitation may be conveyed in words. When this happens the person will be heard manipulating for what she wants rather than asking directly. This is often done subtly. For instance a member of a therapy group may look forlornly down at the floor and say: T need a hug. The temptation is for other group members to go ahead and give her the hug she seems to have asked for. But if they do so they will hav e accepted her symbiotic invitation. Had she asked for the hug in a non-symbiotic manner she would have looked at one particular member of the group and said: Will you give me a hug 200

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Symbiosis Competitive symbiosis But what happens when two people meet who both want to take up the same symbiotic role If they both want to be Parent or both seek to act Child When this is so the parties will begin jockeying for position in the hope of taking up their preferred symbiotic role. For example you may have heard this kind of exchange in a restaurant as two people prepare to pay up after the meal: Now put that money away. Ill pay for this. No no come on /// pay. I absolutely insist Not another word These transactions may go on for some time with each party escalating insistence on paying. Each is seeking to be Parent to the other. They are in a competitive symbiosis — in this case competing for the Parent position. By its nature competitive symbiosis is unstable. Exchanges like this usually last only for a relatively short time. They may conclude in two possible ways. The parties may storm away from each other slamming doors as they go. Or one of them may back down and yield the desired symbiotic position to the other. The one who has backed down then takes the complementary position in the symbiosis. For instance the exchange in the restaurant might end with one of the parties saying: Ah well if you insist... and putting away his wallet with a show of reluctance. He has backed down to the Child position allowing himself to be looked after by the other person. • Make up another example of a competitive symbiosis for the Parent position ending with one of the parties backing down to Child. Diagram the transactions that take place during the exchange. What positions on the OK Corral would you say each party visits during the competition and after one of them backs down Make up an example of a Child-competitive symbiosis ending with one of the parties backing down and reluctantly taking the Parent role. Again diagram the transactions and analyze the OK-Corral positions. Draw a transactional diagram for the exchange between Jim and the lecturer in which Jim issued his symbiotic invitation and the lecturer accepted it. What do you think might be important counterinjunctions and injunctions in Jims script matrix In the lecturers In Bills and in Bettys • Second-order symbiosis In some symbiotic relationships theres a second symbiosis going on underneath the first. It takes the form shown in Figure 20.2. This kind of 20 1

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TA Today Ego-state s not utilized First-orde r symbiosis Second-orde r symbiosis symbiosis is called a second-order symbiosis because it occurs within the second-order structure of the Child ego-state. Relationships between couples like Bill and Betty often entail second-order symbiosis. On first impression it seems clear that Bill is in the Parent-Adult role in their symbiosis while Betty plays Child. H e gets to be in control and to deal with practical problems. She gets to be controlled and express feelings. And on the level of first-order symbiosis that is indeed what is going on. Bill is re-playing an early decision: The only way I can get by is to be in charge and in tight control of everybody including myself. Bettys decision was: My mission in life is to please others especially men and not to think about things. The first-order symbiosis represents their joint efforts to get their needs met through these script decisions. However Bill has yet another need. It is even further below his awareness than the need to be in charge and in control and it comes from an earlier stage of his development. That is the need for physical strokes and comfort. We show this as part of the content of Bills Ci the early Child in the Child. 202 Figure 20.2 Second-order symbiosis

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Symbiosis The trouble for Bill is that in making his later script decisions he shut out those early Child needs. So how is he to get them met now The answer is that in choosing Betty as his symbiotic partner he adeptly picked someone who would take up the complementary role in the second-order symbiosis. Bettys mother like Betty herself had married a strong silent man who was not keen to give physical strokes. When Betty was an infant her father had not been around much. He had preferred to spend his time at work or out drinking with his friends. Mother had had no other grown-up to satisfy her own early Child needs for stroking and being looked after. With her acute infant perception Betty had decided without words: To keep Mother around and in good shape Id better look after her myself. Using her own rudimentary Parent and Adult P| and A l 7 she became caretaker to her mothers Somatic Child. Now in grown-up symbiosis she replays this pattern with Bill. A symbiosis like this may be particularly difficult to break. Recall that stroking is a survival issue for the early Child. Thus in this example if Betty makes to break out of the symbiosis Bill in his Somatic Child may experience mortal terror. His Child belief is that he is about to lose his only source of physical strokes and that means death. At the same early Child level Betty may perceive breaking the symbiosis as meaning the loss of Mother. To the infant this also implies a death sentence. Its likely that neither Bill nor Betty will allow this early Child terror into their awareness. Instead they are likely to find rationalizations of why they should continue in their symbiotic relationship. If they do want to break out of that relationship they may need script insight and therapeutic help. 203

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Chapter 21 RACKETS AND STAMPS Heres an exercise to start this chapter. We suggest you do it before reading on. If you are working in a group have the group leader or a volunteer lead the rest of the group through the scene improvising on the instructions which follow. • In this exercise you will be asked to imagine a scene and then to answer a few questions about it. There are no right or wrong answers. Imagine that tomorrow is going to mark the beginning of a holiday period in your area a time when all the shops will be shut for several days. Imagine too that its quite some time since you did any shopping. You are almost out of essential food and provisions. Looking at the time you realize with relief that youve just got long enough to get down to the supermarket and get around it before it closes. Mentally checking a list of the things you need to buy you set off for the supermarket. Arriving there you see a crowd of other shoppers on the same mission as yourself stocking up before the holiday closing period begins. Keeping an eye on the time you go round the shelves collecting the items you want. As you finish you note with satisfaction that there are still just a few minutes to go before the store closes. Youll have plenty of time to gel through the checkout. You get to the checkout desk. The clerk enters your purchases on the cash-till and tells you the total cost. You reach for your money. And you cant find it. You search again and still it isnt there. You realize why: you have left it at home. In your haste you have come to the supermarket without any money. You dont have a credit card or cheques either. As a line of shoppers builds up behind you you tell the clerk whats happened. You ask: Would it be OK for me to leave my name and address take the goods away and come back to pay you after the holiday The clerk replies: No Im afraid that isnt possible. You dont have time now to go home and get your money before the store closes. So you wont get your goods. Youll have to go without them. And it will be several days before the shops open again. As you realize this how do you feel 207

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TA Today Register how you are feeling and give a name to that emotion. Then come out of the imagined scene. • Keep note of the feeling you registered. Whenever people do this exercise the emotions they report at the end have certain typical characteristics. We will list these below. Check whether each one applies to the emotion that you registered. 1 Different people report different feelings. If you are working in a group go around and ask each member to name the emotion he or she felt at the end of the scene. Have someone note these up as each person reports. The scene itself was the same for everybody. But youll discover that the people in the group report a whole range of different emotions. Typically the list of different feelings may read: Angry at myself panicky embarrassed angry at the clerk sick blank... The bigger the group the greater the range of different feelings that will be reported. If you are working individually you can test this by finding some willing friends who will go through the scene and report their feelings at the end. 2 The feeling registered is one thai you experience in a wide range of different stress situations. For example if I report at the end of this scene that I feel angry at myself its likely that I would also report feeling angry at myself in many other situations where I felt under stress. If you reported feeling panicky then you would probably report that same bad feeling in different situations. Its as if each of us has a favorite bad feeling which we bring up for all-purpose use when we perceive things getting tough. Some people have a choice of two or three bad feelings to use in this way. They may keep one for use at home another for work and so on. 3 The feeling registered is one that was modeled or encouraged in your family while other feelings were discouraged or prohibited. For instance if you registered feeling angry at someone else its likely that this feeling was shown frequently by your parents and family members when you were a child. When you yourself showed it you would get some kind of recognition for doing so. There would be a whole range of other feelings that were seldom or never shown in your family. In this example while it was acceptable to be angry in your family it may not have been considered OK to be sad scared or happy. If you showed any of these other feelings youd find that you either got scolded for it or — worse still for you as a child — just got ignored. 4 The emotion you felt did nothing towards solving your problem. If I got angry and started shouting at the clerk that would do nothing to get me the goods Id wanted. Whether I felt panicky sick blank angry at myself or any of the other feelings people typically report none of these 208

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Rackets and Stamps emotions would help me in the slightest to get my purchases out of that supermarket. These characteristics are typical of the kind of emotion that T A calls a racket feeling. In the sections which follow we discuss the nature and function of racket feelings. They are important to understand because they play a central role in the way people live out their scripts. Definitions of racket and racket feeling There has been a lot of confusion in the TA literature about the meaning of the terms racket and racket feeling. Some writers have used the two terms interchangeably. In this book we dont do this. We follow another school of thought that says there is a useful distinction to be made between rackets and racket feelings. We define a racket feeling as a familiar emotion learned and encouraged in childhood experienced in many different stress situations and maladaptive as an adult means of problem-solving. We define a racket as a set of scripty behaviors employed outside awareness as a means of manipulating the environment and entailing the persons experiencing a racket feeling. In other words a racket is a process in which someone sets up to feel a racket feeling and feels that feeling. The set-up is outside the persons conscious awareness. For instance in our imagined scene where I came away without my money I had set up to feel the bad feeling I experienced at the end. I could have made sure I had the money with me but I didnt. If you were to ask me why I didnt I might answer: T just didnt think of it. The outcome of the events which the person has set up is seen as justifying the racket feeling. Suppose that as I stood at the checkout desk I felt furious at the clerk. You might ask me: How come youre angry at the clerk My answer might be: Well Im not going to get my goods am I Anger at others is my favored racket feeling in stress situations. Five other people might well feel five different bad feelings in that same situation. And theyd all be likely as I did to assume that their favored racket feeling was the natural way to feel in those circumstances. D o people always need to set up a racket in order to feel a racket feeling No. We can also experience a racket feeling in response to independently occurring stress situations ones which we have genuinely done nothing to set up. For example imagine yourself making a journey on some form of public transport — plane train or bus — with a time deadline to meet at your destination. Because of a mechanical fault your journey is delayed. As you sit there watching the minutes tick away how 209

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TA Today do you feel Chances are that I would feel angry at the transport company. You might feel panicky another person feel sick and so on. Rackets and script Realize first one universal connection between scripts and rackets: any time you experience a racket feeling you are in script. Why do racket feelings play such an important part in the mechanism of the script The answer lies in the way children learn to use racket feelings as a means of getting needs met in their families. Weve seen that racket feelings are learned and encouraged in childhood. Every family has its own restricted range of permitted feelings and another wider range of feelings that are discouraged or prohibited. Sometimes the permitted feelings will differ according to whether the child is a boy or girl. Often little boys are taught that its OK to be angry and aggressive but not to be scared or tearful. Little girls may learn that they are supposed to react to stress by crying or being sweet and bubbly even though they may feel like showing anger. So what happens then if the child does go ahead and show one of the prohibited feelings Suppose for instance that the little boy gets scared and shows it. Maybe hes being chased by the local bully. He comes running to Mother shaking with fright and looking for her protection. Mother looks down her nose at him and says: Now now Be a brave soldier Out you go and stand on your own two feet. Then she gets on with the chores. The child registers: If 1 get scared and show it I dont get the results I want around here. I wanted protection and I got ignored instead." In his acute Little Professor the boy casts around for ways he can get results in the way he wants. He is likely to test out a whole range of feelings day by day as responses to stress situations. He tries out sadness cheerfulness aggressiveness confusion blankness and as many other different feelings as you can name. Suppose he discovers that aggressiveness gets the best response from Mother. Now if the neighborhood bully chases him he fights back and loses because the bully is bigger than he is. Though hes hurting from the bruises at least he gets approval from Mother: Thats right. Big boys dont cry He has discovered a feeling that gets him the results he most wants: recognition from his parents. To get the strokes he wants he needs to show aggression. For sure he buys these strokes at the cost of hurting. This sequence of events is likely to be repeated over and over again as the little boy continues to grow. With each repetition he gradually comes to a further conclusion about feelings and their results. Except for aggressiveness no other kinds of feeling seem to be any use around here. 210

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Rackets and Stamps In fact if I do show any other feelings my parents lake away their support and thats dangerous. Therefore Id best not even let myself feel any feelings except aggressiveness. Now each time he begins to feel scared or sad he hides the feeling even from himself. Instead he switches straight into getting aggressive. Rackets and rubberbands Suppose I was that little boy and suppose Im now standing at the checkout desk in the supermarket as the clerk refuses my request for credit. As I experience the stress of this situation I hook on to the end of a rubberband. I begin reacting as though I were a small child again back in a stress situation of the past. For me its as if the clerk and indeed the whole world were threatening me just as that neighborhood bully used to threaten when I was little. In an instant I do what I learned to do as a child. I get aggressive. Facing up to the clerk I yell: Its disgraceful Are you trying to say you donl trust me The clerk shrugs. Still fuming with anger I march stiffly off out of the supermarket. For a few moments 1 feel a certain grim sense of satisfaction. I say to myself: Well at least I told that clerk where to get off But at the same time I know that all my shouting will not change the fact that Ive had to leave my goods behind. Im still burning up inside and later that day I get acid indigestion. My feeling reaction was not of the slightest use to mc in solving my here-and-now problem. But outside of awareness I had been pursuing a motive that was much more important to me than that. / was attempting to manipulate the environment so as to gain the parental support I gained in childhood by experiencing and showing these racket feelings. This is always the function of racket feelings in adulthood. Each time I experience a racket feeling I am re-playing an outdated childhood strategy. In other words I am in script. Setting up rackets In our example I had set up the racket the sequence of events which justified me in experiencing my racket feeling. I had accidentally forgotten to bring my money with me. Now that we know the script function of racket feelings we can see why I did so. I set up the racket so that I could experience the racket feeling. In my Child I had been experiencing a need for strokes. So I had arranged to manipulate for those strokes in the way I had learned as a child. I had set up to feel the same feeling that got results for me in my family. In this way racket theory gives us an entirely new perspective on 211

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TA Today why people get bad feelings. Lets return to our supermarket example. The everyday explanation of this would be: I went without the goods I needed therefore I felt angry. But with a knowledge of rackets wed say instead: I wanted to justify feeling angry therefore I set myself up to go without the goods I needed. Racket feelings and authentic feelings W e have explained how children learn that certain feelings are encouraged in their family while others are discouraged or prohibited. When the child experiences any of the prohibited feelings he makes a rapid switch into an alternative feeling which is permitted. He may not even allow himself to be aware of the prohibited feeling. When we experience racket feelings in adulthood we go through the same process. In this way a racket feeling is always a substitute for another feeling one which was prohibited in our childhood. To convey this quality of substitution we refer to racket feelings as inauthentic feelings. By contrast authentic feelings are those feelings we experience as young children before we learn to censor them as being discouraged in the family. This distinction between racket and authentic feelings was first suggested by Fanita English. 2 In her original work she used the phrase real feelings as a contrast to racket feelings. However its more usual nowadays to talk of authentic rather than real feelings. The point here is that when I am experiencing a racket feeling that feeling is certainly real as far as I am aware. When I started bawling out the clerk I wasnt feigning anger: I was really angry. But my anger was a racket feeling not an authentic feeling. We often speak of a racket feeling as being used to cover an authentic feeling. Say for instance that a little girl learns: Tn my family its permitted for a girl to be sad but never angry. When in script as a grown­ up suppose she is in a situation where she might be about to get angry with somebody. For instance suppose she is elbowed rudely by somebody on a crowded bus. The instant she begins to feel angry she moves into her learned childhood pattern almost like a conditioned reflex. Instead of getting angry she starts feeling sad and perhaps bursts into tears. She has covered her authentic anger with inauthentic racket sadness. Some people not only cover authentic feelings with racket feelings but also cover one racket with another racket. For example Robert spent a lot of his early childhood feeling scared in case Mother might abandon him. Without words he learned that if he showed anger every time he felt scared he at least got some strokes from Mother. So while he was still an 212

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Rackets and Stamps infant he began covering fear with anger. When he got a bit older he discovered that for everybody in his family except small babies there was a prohibition on showing any feelings at all. In order to fit in with family norms you were supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and stay blank. Robert then decided: Id better stop even feeling angry because if I get angry I will be in danger of ending up outside the family. So he joined in with the rest of the family suppressed his anger just as he had his scare and covered it with blankness. Now suppose Robert in adult life gets into a situation where his uncensored feeling would be scare. Maybe he perceives that a partner in a relationship is making signals of rejection and thus is threatening to leave Robert in the position he didnt want to be as a child — alone. Th e instant Robert begins to feel scared of this he covers the scare with anger. Just as rapidly he covers the anger with blankness. As far as he is aware the blankness is his real feeling. Were you to ask him how he feels hed reply: I dont feel much really. Naming racket and authentic feelings What are the authentic feelings those emotions that we feel when we are not censoring In TA its usual to list four of them: mad sad scared glad. The word mad is used here in the American sense of angry not the English sense of crazy. To these we would add various physical sensations that a child can feel e.g. relaxed hungry full tired turned-on disgusted sleepy etc. In contrast to this short list of names for the authentic feelings you could fill pages and pages with names that people give to their racket feelings. Perhaps youd like to test this for yourself. You could start with the inauthentic feelings that would usually be categorized as emotions: embarrassment jealousy depression guilt etc. Then you can add the vaguer terms that express how people feel about themselves when they are in script: lost stuck cornered helpless desperate and so on. Some racket names relate more obviously to thinking than to feeling: confused blank puzzled etc. Not all racket feelings would be categorized as bad by the people who are experiencing them. Recall our example of the little girl who learned that she was supposed to be sweet and bubbly even when she really felt angry. As a grown-up shell have a reputation of being everybodys ray of sunshine. She may get a lot of strokes for her racket 213

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TA Today happiness just as she did when she was a child. Other racket feelings that may be experienced as good are triumphancy aggressiveness blamelessness or euphoria. Nevertheless all these feelings are inauthentic. They have been learned during childhood and are used in grown-up life as an attempt to manipulate support from the environment. Another complication in naming feelings is this: the names given to the authentic feelings are also given to racket feelings. For instance you can get authentic anger or racket anger authentic sadness or racket sadness and so on. Perhaps I learned as a child to cover anger with confusion while you learned to cover anger with sadness. Your racket feeling happens to have the same name as one of the authentic feelings. Mine does not. But your inauthentic sadness and my confusion are both racket feelings. Racket feelings authentic feelings and problem-solving So if racket feelings arent always experienced as bad why is it important to distinguish between racket and authentic feelings The answer is: expression of authentic feelings is appropriate as a means of here-and-now problem-solving while expression of racket feelings is not. In other words when we express an authentic feeling we do something that helps finish the situation for us. When we express a racket feeling we leave the situation unfinished. George Thomson has explained the problem-solving function of three of the authentic feelings: fear anger and sadness. 1 He points out that these feelings deal respectively with the future the present and the past. When I feel authentic fear and act in some way to express that emotion I am helping solve a problem that I foresee arising in future. For sure that future may be very close. Suppose Im crossing a road having checked to sec the way is clear. Suddenly a car shoots out of a side road being driven much too fast and skids towards me. Galvanized by fear I leap to one side. I have avoided the future event of being struck by the car. Authentic anger is for solving problems in the present. Maybe I am waiting in line to be served in a shop. A woman tries to push ahead of me shoving me to one side with her shopping-basket. Expressing my anger I react appropriately to look after myself in the present. I push her back with equal force and growl: I got here before you. Get to the end of the line please. When I feel authentically sad I am helping myself get over a painful event that has happened in the past. This will be some kind of loss something or someone that I will never regain. By allowing myself to be openly sad to cry for a while and talk out my loss I free myself from that 214

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Rackets and Stamps past pain. I finish the situation and say goodbye. Then I am ready to go on to whatever the present and future have to offer me. George Thomson does not discuss the function of happiness. Wed suggest that authentic happiness signals: No change needed. In this sense happiness has a timeless quality. It means: What was happening in the past is O K to be happening now and to keep on happening in future. The expression of authentic happiness is to relax feel comfortable enjoy the present and when satiated fall asleep. In sharp contrast to this problem-solving function of authentic feelings racket feelings never help finish the situation. You can check this from the many examples already given in this chapter. When I shouted at the clerk I didnt help myself get my purchases home in the future. I didnt get any productive result in the present. And I didnt help myself say goodbye to the past possibility of getting my goods before the supermarket closed. Any time you begin feeling fear anger or sadness out of their appropriate time-frame you know the emotion is a racket feeling. For instance some people go through life feeling angry about things that have happened in the past. But the past cannot be changed. Therefore this anger is non-productive as a means of solving problems i.e. it is a racket feeling. Check that the same applies to any of the other possible mis-matches between feelings and time-frames. • What would you say would be the authentic feeling that would have helped finish the situation for you in our opening example Once you had realized you werent going to get your purchases would you authentically have felt angry sad scared or happy Check whether each of these feelings would have helped you finish the situation. • Because rackets represent the re-playing of an outdated Child strategy the expression of racket feelings in the here-and-now is boun d to result in the same unsatisfactory outcome over and over again. While in script the person may temporarily feel satisfied at having manipulated some strokes from the environment. But the underlying need which would be addressed by expressing the authentic feeling has still not been met. Thus the person is likely to re-cycle the entire pattern playing it out anew in each stress situation. We shall meet this idea again when we look at the Racket System in a coming chapter. Racketeering Fanita English coined the word racketeering to describe a way of transacting which people may use as a means of seeking strokes for their racket feelings. 4 A racketeer invites others into exchanges in which he expresses a 215

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TA Today racket feeling and aims to extract strokes for that feeling from the other person. These transactions will go on as long as the other person is willing to keep dealing out strokes to the racketeer. Fanita English suggests that racketeering can be of two types both of which entail parallel transactions between Parent and Child. In Type I the racketeer takes up the Child role initially. His life position is Im not-OK youre OK ha ha. In Type II he comes from Parent with a life position of Im OK ha ha youre not-OK. The Type I racketeer may sound sad and pathetic a mode of racketeering that Fanita English labels Type la and calls Helpless. For example you might hear this sort of exchange: Racketeer C — P: Im feeling down again today. Partner P — C: Oh dear sorry to hear that. Racketeer: And the boss was getting at me again. Partner: Tut tut thats bad. Alternatively the Child racketeer may come from a whiny complaining position. This is Type lb Bratty. Typically the partner may respond with strokes from negative Controlling Parent instead of negative Nurturing Parent: Racketeer: And you werent much help either. Partner: Huh Cant you stand up for yourself Racketeer: What do you expect me to do Hes the boss isnt he Partner: Well why didnt you complain to the union The Type II racketeer also has two possible modes of operating. In Type Ha Helpful he takes up a negative Nurturing Parent stance aiming to extract strokes of gratitude from the other person in Child: Racketeer P — C: Sure youve had enough to eat Partner C— P: Ooh yes thanks. Racketeer: Come on now how about finishing this slice of pie Partner: Well honestly it was great but Im full thanks. Bossy describes the Type lib racketeer who initiates the transactions from negative Controlling Parent. He seeks apologetic Child strokes from his partner. Racketeer: Youre late again Partner: Sorry Racketeer: What do you mean sorry This is the fourth time this week... Though Fanita English does not say so we would suggest that people can also racketeer Parent-to-Parent on themes such as Aint It Awful or Child-to-Child with an escalation of feeling exchanges. Youll see that racketeering is one kind of pastime where the exchanges carry a charge of racket feelings. The parallel transactions will only cease when one of the participants withdraws or crosses a transaction. Often the person initiating the cross will be the racketeer and not the partner. Thats because habitual racketeers become adept at 216

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Rackets and Stamps sensing when the other person is about to withdraw from the exchange. Rather than have his source of strokes run out in this way the racketeer prefers to keep the initiative. The frequent result is to transform the racketeering exchange into a game. When we look at games in a later chapter well consider how this happens. • Did you racketeer during the past week If so were you Helpless or Bratty Helpful or Bossy Or did you test out several of these positions Do you want to keep on racketeering like this If not how will you get non-rackety strokes that will be acceptable in place of the strokes you got from racketeering Did you accept anyone elses invitation to be a partner to their racketeering If so which of the four modes were they in Do you want to keep on stroking their racket feelings If not how will you cross the transactions next time • Stamps When T experience a racket feeling there are two things I can do with it. I can express it there and then. Or I can store it away for use later. When I do the latter I am said to be saving a stamp. 5 • In the past week was there an occasion when you felt a racket feeling and saved it up instead of expressing it there and then If so you saved a stamp. What was the name of the racket feeling written on this stamp Was it a jealous triumphant angry irritated gloomy helpless stamp...or what How big a collection do you have of this kind of feeling How long do you intend building up your collection When you decide to cash in your collection what are you going to cash it in for • The word stamp is short for psychological trading stamp. It refers to a practice popular with supermarkets in the 1960s whereby customers were given stamps of different colors along with the goods they were buying. These trading stamps could be pasted in stamp books. When youd saved up a certain number you could cash the collection in for a prize. Some people preferred to cash the stamps frequently in small lots for small prizes. Others saved books and books full and finally cashed them in for a really big prize. When people save up psychological trading stamps they have the 217

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TA Today same kind of choice about cashing them. For instance suppose I save anger stamps. At work the boss criticizes me. I feel angry at him but dont show it. I hang on to the stamp until I get home that night. Then I yell at my dog for getting under my feet. Here Ive only saved a single stamp which Ive cashed within the day. The example illustrates another common feature of stamp-cashing: the person who eventually gets the collection dumped on them is frequently not the person who was the object of the racket feeling in the first place. My workmate may also save up angry stamps. But suppose he prefers to make a much bigger collection before cashing them in. H e may save up his anger against the boss for months and years. Then collecting his mountain of angry-stamp books he may march into the bosss office bawl the boss out and get fired. Stamps and the script Why do people save up stamps Eric Berne suggested the answer. They do so because by cashing in the stamps they can move towards their script payoff. If a persons script is hamartic he is likely to favor making big collections of stamps which he can then cash in for his heavy payoff. For instance he may collect depression stamps for years and years then finally cash them in for a suicide. Someone whose hamartic payoff is harming others may stack up a huge collection of rage stamps then use them to justify homicide. On a lighter level but still as part of a losing script a business executive might save harrassed stamps and cash them for a heart attack ulcer or high blood pressure. People with banal scripts will keep smaller collections of stamps and trade them in for lighter payoffs. A woman who saves misunderstood stamps may cash them in every few months for a huge quarrel with her husband. Someone like my workmate who collects anger stamps against authority figures may trade them in for getting into disputes at work and occasionally getting fired. There are varying opinions in TA on whether stamp-collecting has any place in a winning script. Some writers have referred to gold stamps meaning stamps which are saved up for a positive outcome. They contrast these with brown stamps the negative ones we have been talking about so far. For instance they suggest a hard-working executive might save gold stamps for jobs well done and cash them in for a well-deserved holiday. We believe that stamp-saving is not needed at all in a genuinely winning script. That hard-working executive doesnt need to justify his holiday for jobs well done or on any other grounds. He can go ahead and have his holiday just because he wants it. 218

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Rackets and Stamps • With this knowledge of the script function of stamps review your own stamp collection and the payoff you may have in view when you cash it in. Do you still want this payoff If not you can simply let your collection go. But before deciding to let it go be sure that you genuinely want to let go of the expected payoff. Be clear that if you do choose to let go of your stamp collection you must also say a permanent goodbye to the payoff you had been planning. Having thought about this do you still want to let the stamps go If your answer is yes then choose a way in which you will dispose of the stamps permanently. Some people throw them on a fire. Others flush them down the toilet. Still others drop them in a fast-flowing river and watch them being carried away to sea. Choose your own way. Whatever you choose it must be a way that will make it impossible for you ever to get the stamps back. Once you have decided on your means of disposal get comfortable and close your eyes. Visualize yourself holding your stamp collection. See how many books or bags of stamps there are. Note their colors. See written across them the name of the racket feeling you have been saving up. If you have been saving the stamps against a particular person or group of people see their name also written on the stamps. Are you ready to let the stamps go Then go ahead and make your disposal in whatever way you have decided. Throw them on the fire and watch till they have disappeared in smoke. Or flush them down the toilet maybe flushing several times to make sure theyve all gone down. If you throw them in a river watch them until the last stamp has been carried away out of your sight. In imagination now look at your hands and confirm that they are empty of the stamps you had been carrying. Now visualize that you turn around and look up. You II see someone or something very pleasant that you had not seen before. Say hello to that pleasant someone or something. Thats where youll get the good strokes which will mean that you dont feel the need to save stamps in future. Welcome these strokes. Feel the relief of not carrying the stamp collection around any longer. Then come out of the exercise. • 219

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Chapter 22 THE RACKET SYSTEM The Racket System is a model which explains the nature of life-scripts and shows how people may maintain their script throughout life. It was devised by Richard Erskine and Marilyn Zalcman. 1 In this chapter the diagrammatic presentation of the Racket System and the factual explanations of the diagrams meaning are drawn directly from Erskine and Zalcmans article The Racket System: a model for racket analysis for which they won the Eric Berne Memorial Scientific Award. The case illustrations and supporting interpretations have been supplied by the present authors. The Racket System is defined as a self-reinforcing distorted system of feelings thoughts and actions maintained by script-bound individuals. It has three inter-related and interdependent components: the Script Beliefs and Feelings the Rackety Displays and the Reinforcing Memories. It is shown diagrammatically in Figure 22.1. Script Beliefs and Feelings When I am in script I will be replaying outdated beliefs about myself other people and the quality of life. Erskine and Zalcman suggest that script decisions are adopted in childhood as a means of explaining away unfinished feelings. When under stress in grown-up life I may re-run this infant strategy. To defend against experiencing the feeling I explain it away by reviving those childhood conclusions and experiencing them as being true in the present. These then constitute my Script Beliefs. Erskine and Zalcman picture the Script Beliefs and Feelings taken in total as representing a double contamination of the Adult. If you wish to check your understanding of this refer back to Chapter 6. The Script Beliefs under each heading are divided into Core Script Beliefs and Supporting Script Beliefs. Core Script Beliefs The Core Script Beliefs correspond to the childs earliest and most fundamental script decisions. For every infant there are times when the expression of uncensorcd feelings fails to get the infants needs met. We saw in the previous chapter how the child then tests out a range of 220

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The Racket System 221

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TA Today substitute feelings until she discovers those which do get results in terms of parental attention. These substitute feelings are adopted as racket feelings and the original uncensored feeling is suppressed. Yet because the original feeling has not been responded to the infants emotional experience is left unfinished. In an attempt to make sense of this she comes to conclusions about herself others and the world. These form the Core Script Beliefs. They rest on the kind of concrete and magical thinking of which young children are capable. Lets take the example of a client whom we will call David. In his late twenties David had been though several living-in relationships with women. Each time the woman had walked out on David after a year or so. He himself recognized he had invited this outcome by picking fights with his girlfriends getting jealous and acting in a touchy aggressive manner. Now David was in yet another relationship with a woman he loved and valued. He was scared he was going to break up that relationship in the same old way. Though he was aware of his own aggressiveness and jealousy he didnt feel he was able to control himself when he began feeling these emotions. Recently he had struck his girlfriend and she was threatening to leave him. At this point he came to therapy. A Racket System analysis of this problem takes us right back to Davids infancy. In the earliest months of his life David enjoyed the intimate physical closeness that exists between a very small baby and his mother. But when David got a little older just after his first birthday Mother began feeling that he was not any longer just the cuddlesome bundle he had been when he was smaller. He was more mobile now and often got grubby. He drooled and when he made messes he got smelly. Though she was not aware of it Mother reacted by pushing David away physically. With his acute infant awareness David picked up Mothers signals of rejection. He felt a sense of shock and disorientation: what had gone wrong with the world Worst of all was Mother going to leave him quite alone Contemplating that possibility David felt sheer terror and abject hurt. Yet still each time he reached out for Mother to give him comfort she seemed to reject him yet again. Expressing his scare and hurt David did not get his needs met. Unable to comprehend the factual reasons for Mothers withdrawal David made sense of his own unfinished feelings by concluding: Im unlovable. Theres something wrong with me. Thus he formed a Core Script Belief about himself. In line with this he also adopted the Core Script Beliefs: Other people especially important women reject me. The world is a scary lonesome unpredictable place. Concluding that his expression of hurt and scare was not going to get his needs met David gave up after a while and adopted a second-best 222

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The Racket System strategy. He discovered that if he expressed anger he at least got some attention from Mother. By flying into a tantrum or by grizzling he could at least get her to shout or scowl at him. Though this negative attention was painful it was better than nothing at all. David decided: The best way for me to get my needs met is to act angry. He had learned to cover his authentic feelings of scare and hurt with racket anger and in so doing had laid the foundation for his Rackety Display. Supporting Script Beliefs Once the infant has arrived at his Core Beliefs he begins to interpret his experience of reality in accord with these beliefs. They influence what experiences he attends to the meaning he attaches to these experiences and whether he regards them as significant. In this way he begins to add Supporting Script Beliefs which re-affirm and elaborate upon the Core Script Beliefs. David had a brother who was a couple of years older than himself. Because of the age difference he was naturally bigger than David as well as being more advanced in thinking ability. With the reasoning power of a toddler David came to some further conclusions. Now I think I know what it is that is so wrong with me. Its that Im not big enough or smart enough. I can tell this because my brother who is big and smart gets all the attention. Thus David had begun to build up some of his Supporting Script Beliefs. T am stupid. Im physically weak and too small. My needs are not important. Others are bigger and smarter than I am. Because of this they are more important than me and they get all the attention especially from important women. Life is very very unfair. Recycling Script Beliefs and Feelings Now David is an adult. At moments of stress he may go into script. As weve seen this is especially likely if the here-and-now situation somehow resembles a stress situation in childhood — if there is a rubberband. At such times David re-experiences the feelings and beliefs of his early childhood. Suppose he perceives his girlfriend as pushing him off in their relationship. Unknowingly he responds as he did when Mother pushed him away as an infant. Below the level of awareness he begins experiencing hurt and terror. As he does so he replays his Script Beliefs. He explains the rejection he has perceived by saying to himself internally outside of awareness: Im unlovable because theres something fundamentally wrong with me. This important woman wants to reject me utterly. If she does Ill be left all alone. Each time David makes these statements to himself he justifies his 223

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TA Today feelings of scare and hurt. And each time he re-experiences these feelings he re-states the Script Beliefs in order to explain to himself how he feels. In this way the Script Beliefs and Feelings are continually recycled. This is illustrated by the dotted arrows on Figure 22.1. Erskine and Zalcman stress that this process goes on intrapsychically — that is inside the persons own head. Because David already has an internal scripty explanation of what he has perceived as a rejection he does not make his Script Beliefs available for updating against here-and-now reality. On the contrary: every time he repeats this recycling process he reinforces his perception that reality has confirmed the Script Beliefs. Rackety Displays The Rackety Displays consist of all the overt and internal behaviors which are manifestations of the Script Beliefs and Feelings. They include observable behaviors reported internal experiences and fantasies. Observable behaviors The observable behaviors consist of the displays of emotion words tones gestures and body movements which the person makes in response to the intrapsychic process. These displays are repetitive and stylized because they reproduce the scripty behaviors which the child learned to use in a wide range of situations as a way of getting results in his or her family. The Rackety Displays may entail behaviors which are in accord with the Script Beliefs or which defend against them. For example David who concluded in childhood T am stupid acts confused and stupid when replaying this Script Belief as an adult. Someone else who reached the same childhood conclusion might defend against it by working long hours at studies getting high grades at school and college then going compulsively through one professional qualification after another. Davids Rackety Displays of aggression towards his girlfriend arise from his early conclusion: The way for me to get my needs met is to get angry whenever I start feeling hurt or scared. When his girlfriend behaves in any way which he perceives as a slight or rejection he begins replaying his Core Script Beliefs and the feelings of terror and hurt that go with them. But just as he learned to do as an infant he instantly covers those emotions with anger. In the manner of a conditioned reflex he becomes angry and aggressive. He may start a furious argument with his girlfriend shout at her or push her about. Or he may choke back his anger and storm out of the house to walk the streets fuming with rage. This behavior gives Davids girlfriend no way of knowing that his authentic emotions are hurt scare and a longing for closeness. Indeed 224

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The Racket System David himself has suppressed these feelings from awareness. He comes across instead as a touchy physically aggressive individual. In the history of Davids relationships the end-result has been that his girlfriends have eventually walked out on him. Each time David has used this response to justify his Script Beliefs Im unlovable women reject me and I get left on my own." Reported internal experiences We have seen that the infant adopts the Script Beliefs in an attempt to make sense of an unfinished emotional experience and thus finish that experience as best he can. As well as this cognitive process the person may go through a similar sequence somatically — in terms of what he does in his body. In order to divert energy away from his unfinished need he may use that energy to set up some kind of held physical tension or discomfort. We gave an example of this in an earlier chapter. Youll recall the infant who repeatedly reaches out for Mother but gets no response. So after a while he tenses up his shoulders to stop himself from reaching out. Though this is uncomfortable its not so distressing as it would be to keep on reaching out and facing Mothers apparent rejection. He then suppresses both his awareness of his original need and his awareness of holding tension in his shoulders. As a grown-up he is likely to experience aches and pains in his shoulders neck and upper back. This is true for David in our case example. People have a whole range of tensions discomforts and somatic ailments that are responses to the Script Beliefs in this way. They may not be apparent in observable behavior but can be reported upon by the person. Sometimes muscular tensions may have been so thoroughly suppressed that they do not come into the persons awareness except under massage. Fantasies Even when nobody is actually behaving in accordance with a persons Script Beliefs the person may go ahead and fantasize such behavior. The imagined behavior may be his own or someone elses. For instance David sometimes fantasizes being punished or imprisoned for having committed a physical assault on a girlfriend. H e frequently imagines that people are belittling him behind his back dwelling on a whole range of things that they find wrong with him. Sometimes his fantasy is a grandiose picture of the best that could happen: he imagines having met the perfect girlfriend who will accept him one hundred per cent and will never behave in a way that he could interpret as a rejection. 225

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TA Today Reinforcing Memories When in script the individual consults a collection of memories which reinforce the Script Beliefs. Each of these remembered occurrences will be one in which the person re-cycled Script Beliefs and Feelings. As she did so she would engage in the accompanying Rackety Display either by experiencing a racket feeling or engaging in any of the other overt and internal behaviors which typify her own Racket System. As the event is remembered the racket feeling or other rackety manifestation is recalled along with it. In other words each Reinforcing Memory is accompanied by a stamp. The events remembered may be other peoples responses to the individuals Rackety Displays as when successive girlfriends have abandoned David in response to his aggressive behavior. They may also include responses which the individual has interpreted internally as confirming the Script Beliefs even though in reality they were neutral or even contrary to these beliefs. For example a girl might invite David to a party. Internally he might tell himself: She didnt really mean it. She was only saying it to be nice to me. Making this interpretation he might feel angry at yet another rejection. Thus he would notch up another confirmation of his Script Beliefs and collect another Reinforcing Memory with its associated trading stamp. There are some events that not even the most ingenious Little Professor can construe as fitting the Script Beliefs. But in that case the individual may adopt another strategy: to selectively forget such events. For instance there have been occasions when a woman has openly told David she values him just for himself and would love to stay close to him. But while in script he blanks those memories out of his recollection. We have seen also that the individual may construct fantasies of scenes which fit the Script Beliefs. Memories of these fantasies serve as Reinforcing Memories just as effectively as d o memories of actual events. Each time David makes mental pictures of people talking about him behind his back because of whatever is wrong with him he adds another Reinforcing Memory to his stock. Here again we see how the Racket System is self-reinforcing. The Reinforcing Memories serve as feedback to the Script Beliefs. This is shown by the solid arrow on Figure 22.1. Each time a Reinforcing Memory is recalled the person replays a Script Belief which itself is strengthened by the Reinforcing Memory. As the Script Belief is replayed the underlying suppressed feeling is stimulated and the process of intrapsychic recycling is set in motion once more. As this takes place the person engages in Rackety Displays. These may include observable behaviors internal experiences fantasies or a combination of the three. In turn the outcome of the Rackety Display enables the person to collect more Reinforcing Memories with their accompanying emotional stamps. 226

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The Racket System • COMPILING YOUR OWN RACKET SYSTEM Take a big sheet of paper and draw out a replica of Figure 22.1. Leave plenty of space below each sub-heading in each of the three columns. On this blank diagram you can begin to fill in the content of your own Racket System. 2 If you want to proceed with the exercise think of a recent situation that was unsatisfactory or painful for you and in which you finished up feeling bad. You need not re-experience the bad feeling now if you do not want to. Imagining yourself back in that situation fill in the details of the Racket System as they applied to you. Work quickly and intuitively. To get to the Script Beliefs a good way is to ask yourself: In that situation what was I saying in my head about myself About the other people concerned About the quality of life and the world in general How do you enter up the Feelings repressed at the time of script decision By the very fact that these feelings are being repressed while you are in the Racket System you will not have been clearly aware of thern during the scene which you are analyzing. However there are various clues you can use. Sometimes you may have experienced a brief flash of the authentic feeling before you went into the racket feeling. For instance if your racket feeling in the scene was irritation you may have felt scared for a split second beforehand. Another way is to ask yourself: If I were an infant and had no concept of censoring my feelings how would I have felt in this situation Would I have felt rage Desolate sadness Terror Ecstasy If in doubt guess. As a final check look back at the previous chapters section on Racket feelings authentic feelings and problem-solving. Which of the authentic feelings would have been appropriate to finish this situation for you Now move to the column on Rackety Displays. To list your observable behaviors imagine you are seeing the scene on a video with yourself in it. Note your words tones gestures postures and facial expressions. What rackety emotion are you expressing Check this against your memory of the racket feeling you were experiencing during the scene. Under reported internal experiences note any tensions or discomforts anywhere in your body. Did you have a headache Churning stomach Pain in the neck Bear in mind that no sensation is one kind of sensation. Thinking back were there any parts of your body that you were blanking out of your awareness Enter any fantasies that you were experiencing. A good way here is to imagine yourself back in the scene then ask yourself: What is the worst thing I feel could happen here Put down whatever you first bring to mind in response no matter how fanciful it may seem. Next ask yourself: What is the besf thing I feel could happen here This fantasy 227

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TA Today also is part of the Racket System so note it down in the same way. Finally go to the column for Reinforcing Memories. Letting your memory run free note down your recollections of past situations similar to the scene you are analyzing. These may be from the recent past or from longer ago. In all of them you will recall experiencing the same racket feeling the same physical discomfort or tension etc. which you have noted above under Rackety Displays. You may find it interesting to check your Racket System details against the script matrix you compiled for yourself in an earlier exercise. How much do they have in common You can use each of them to refine and revise the other. • Breaking out of the Racket System As well as being a tool for analysis the Racke t System is an instrument for change. Erskine and Zalcman say: Any therapeutic intervention which interrupts the flow in the Racket System will be an effective step in the persons changing their Racket System and therefore their script. In other words you can step in at any point in the Racke t System and make a change at that point that begins to move you ou t of script. When you effect that change you break the old feedback loops. Thus further change becomes easier. The process is still self-reinforcing but now you are reinforcing movement out of script instead of staying stuck in script. You dont need to stop at just one point of intervention. If you want you can break the flow of the Racket System at several different points. The more of these you change the greater your movement out of script. In their article Erskine and Zalcman describe various specific interventions that therapists can use t o interrupt the Racket System. Yo u can use a similar approach in self-therapy. If you want to use the Racket System in this way here is an exercise to give you a starting framework. You can add to it and modify it in whatever creative ways you like. 2 • Take a big sheet of paper like the one on which you drew out your Racket System. On it you are going to draw a diagram that looks like a Racket System but is actually its positive counterpart. If you like you can call this new diagram The Autonomy System. Once again draw up three columns. Head the left-hand column Updated Beliefs and Feelings. The middle column gets the title Autonomous Displays and the third column has the same title as on the Racket System Reinforcing Memories. Under Updated Beliefs and Feelings enter sub-headings for beliefs about self others and the quality of life as on the Racket System. Think back once more to the scene you recalled when compiling 228

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The Racket System your Racket System. Start with beliefs about self. What is the positive reality about yourself that you will now enter as your updated belief For example suppose David were to do this exercise. He might enter under this heading: I am thoroughly lovable and Im every bit good enough just as I am. Here and throughout its important to use positive wording of this kind. Avoid negative words like nor stop lose without. If your first version of the entry has any such words in it take time to re-phrase so that you say it in positive words only. In the example for David his Script Belief was Theres something wrong with me. Instead of changing this to Theres nothing wrong with me he would change it to a positive statement such as Im every bit good enough. Go on and update your beliefs about others and the quality of life in the same way using positive words. Watch out for grandiosity which would still be part of your Racket System. But if in doubt err on the side of optimism. At the foot of the left-hand column where you entered up Repressed feelings in your Racket System now write the heading Authentic feelings expressed. Write in the same authentic feelings as you entered in your Racket System. Imagining yourself back in the scene visualize how you could have expressed your authentic feeling in a safe way that would have finished the situation for you. Go next to the middle column Autonomous Displays. Once again see the scene with yourself in it as on a video. But this time re-run it so that you are behaving in a positive way out of script and feeling an authentic emotion instead of a racket. Enter up under observable behaviors the words gestures etc. which you see and hear yourself using in this updated version. In the same way complete reported internal experiences for the revised scene. In place of discomforts what comforts do you feel Do you become aware of any tensions you had not been aware of before If so do you choose to relax these tensions What happens when you do In the Autonomy System you d o not enter fantasies. As we saw grandiose fantasies of the best and the worst outcomes are both part of the Racket System. Instead now enter here Plans and positive visualizations. This is a heading to complete at leisure. It refers to the Adult life-planning you ca n do to ensure that future situations are run in the positive way you are now constructing instead of the rackety way you analyzed in your Racket System. In place of fantasies you can employ creative visualization techniques to empower and advance your life plans. Finally complete the column for Reinforcing Memories. Its almost certain that you will be able to recall some past instances in your life of positive situations that resemble the re-run situation you are now compiling. Maybe when you think of it you will be able to recall many. 229

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TA Today And what if you really cant recall any Just make some up. Recalling made-up positive situations is every bit as effective as recalling actual ones. Now you have a starting version of your Autonomy System. As with the Racket System you can revise and refine it as time goes on. Imagine the completed diagram for your Racket System held a few inches above the diagram for your Autonomy System. In future you can make a trap-door at any point in the Racket System and step down through it to land at the corresponding point in the Autonomy System. From that point you will go with the flow of the Autonomy System instead of going round the rackety feedback loops that you went round in the past. Maybe you will make yourself several trap-doors. The more you have the easier you will find it to step out of your Racket System and into autonomy. And each time you do make this step it will become even easier to make in future. • 230

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Chapter 23 GAMES AND GAME ANALYSIS Have you ever had an interaction in which you and the other person both ended up feeling bad and afterwards you said to yourself something like: Why does this keep on happening to me How on earth did that happen again T thought he/she was different from the others but... Did you feel surprised at the painful way things had turned out — yet at the same time realize that the same sort of thing had happened to you before If you have had an interaction like this its most likely that in TA language you were playing a game. Just like a game of football or a game of chess a psychological game is played according to predetermined rules. It was Eric Berne who first drew attention to this predictable structure of games and suggested ways in which they could be analyzed. In this chapter we look at methods of game analysis devised by Berne and other TA writers. Examples of games Here are two examples of how people play games. Example 1: Jack meets Jean. They fall in love and decide to live together. All goes well early on. But as the months go by Jack begins giving his partner a hard time. He ignores her wants and feelings. He shouts at her sometimes pushes her about. He gets drunk and comes home late. He spends Jeans money and forgetsto pay her back. Jean stays with him despite his ill-treatment. The more aggressive he becomes the more she makes allowances for his behavior. This goes on for almost three years. Then without warning Jean leaves Jack for another man. Jack comes home to find a note on the kitchen table saying she has gone for good. Jack is dumbfounded. He says to himself How on earth did this happen to me He traces Jean pleads unsuccessfully with her to come back. The more he begs her the more harshly she rejects him and the worse he feels. Jack spends a long time feeling depressed abandoned and worthless. He tries to work out what is wrong with him: What has this other man got that I havent got 231

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TA Today The strange thing is that all this has happened to Jack before. He has been through two relationships and two rejections that followed the same pattern. Each time he has said to himself Never again. But it does happen again and each time Jack feels surprised and rejected. Jack is playing the game called Kick Me. Jean also has been through this all before. She has had several other relationships with men before meeting Jack. Somehow she seems to pick men who are good to her when they first know her but who soon start ill-treating her as Jack did. Each time she has put up with the mans behavior acting the little woman — for a while. Each time too she has eventually had a sudden change of mind and has rejected the man abruptly. When she does so she feels blameless and somehow triumphant. She says to herself: I thought so. Men are all the same. Nevertheless after a while she starts a relationship with somebody new and the whole sequence is played through again. Jeans game is Now Ive Got You Son of a Bitch — known for short as NIGYSOB. Example 2: Molly is a social worker. She is in her office talking to a client who has just come in. He looks dejected. The client says: Im afraid something awful has happened. My landlord has thrown me out and Ive nowhere else to go. I dont know what to do. Oh dear thats bad says Molly with a worried frown. What can I do to help T dont know says her client gloomily. Ill tell you what says Molly. Why dont you and I look through the evening paper and find a room for you to rent somewhere in town Thats the trouble says Mollys client looking even more downcast. I dont have enough money to pay the rent. Well Im sure I could arrange for you to get some welfare help with that. Nice of you says the client. But honestly I dont want to take anybodys charity. Ah. Well hows about I fix you up a bed in the hostel until you get somewhere else to stay Thanks says the client but really I dont think I could put up with being among all those other people when Im feeling like this. A silence falls as Molly racks her brain for more ideas. She cant think of any. Her client heaves a long sigh gets up and makes to leave. Well thanks anyway for trying to help he says glumly as he disappears through the door. Molly asks herself What on earth happened She feels first astonished then inadequate and depressed. She tells herself she is no good as a helper. 232

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Games and Game Analysis Meantime her client is walking down the street feeling indignant and angry at Molly. He says to himself: Didnt think she was going to be able to help me and she hasnt Both for Molly and for her client this scene is a replay of many others that have happened in the past. Molly quite often gets into this kind of interaction. She offers help and advice to clients then feels bad when they dont accept it. Her client is equally familiar with the receiving end. He somehow ends up again and again rejecting the offered help while feeling angry at being let down by the helper. Molly and her client are playing a pair of games which very often go together. Mollys game is Why Dont You.... Her client plays Yes But... 2 Typical Features of games From these examples we can pick out some features that are typical of games. 1 Games are repetitive. Each person plays her favorite game through time and time again. The other players and the circumstances may change but the pattern of the game remains the same. 2 Games are played without Adult awareness. Despite the fact that people repeat games over and over they go through each replay of their game without being aware they are doing it. Its not until the closing stages of the game that the player may ask himself: How did that happen again Even at that point people usually dont realize that they themselves have helped set up the game. 3 Games always end up with the players experiencing racket feelings. 4 Games entail an exchange of ulterior transactions between the players. Tn every game there is something different happening at the psychological level from what seems to be happening at the social level. We know this from the way people repeat their games again and again finding others whose games interlock with their own. When Mollys client comes for help and she offers it they both believe that is their real purpose. But the outcome of their interaction shows that their unaware motivations were very different. At the psychological level they were sending each other secret messages which declared their true intentions. Molly was setting out to offer help which was not going to be accepted. Her client had come to ask for her help and then not take it. 5 Games always include a moment of surprise or confusion. At this point the player has the sensation that something unexpected has happened. Somehow people seem to have changed roles. This was what Jack experienced when he discovered Jean had left him. Jean for her part left because she had quite suddenly changed her mind about Jack. 233

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TA Today • Think of a painful interaction in your own recent experience which fits this description of a game. Take a pencil and paper and note down what the situation was. Check that it had the five features we have given as being typical of games. Note too how you felt at the end of it. Is this a familiar feeling of yours • Sweatshirts Its uncanny how people manage to seek out others who will play games which interlock with their own games. Jack consistently finds women who will leave him for someone else. Molly picks clients who will ask for her help and then not take it. Its as if each person were wearing a sweatshirt with her game invitations printed on it. The sweatshirt has a motto on the front which is the one we consciously want the world to see. On the back is the psychological-level secret message. The message on the back is the one that actually determines whom we pick for our relationships. We can imagine that on the front of Jeans sweatshirt theres a motto something like: Ill be sweet and longsuffering. On the back her motto reads: But just wait till I get you • What do you think are the mottoes on the front and back of Jacks sweatshirt Of Mollys Go back to your own personal game example. What do you imagine was the motto on the front of your sweatshirt On the back What do you think were the front and back messages on the sweatshirts of any others you related to in that situation If you are working in a group get into a subgroup with two or three other people. Each member of the small group uses intuition to jot down the front and back sweatshirt messages of the other members. Then share with each other what you wrote down. Dont worry if the other people in the small group are not well known to you. Its usual for us anyway to read sweatshirt messages from first impressions. If you want you can repeat the exercise with others you know well. You may find out some interesting things about yourself by comparing the different mottoes which different people read on your sweatshirt. • Different Degrees of Games Games can be played at different degrees of intensity. A first-degree game has an outcome which the player is willing to share with her social circle. In the game examples at the beginning of this 234

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Games and Game Analysis chapter all the players were playing at a first-degree level. You can guess that while Molly is unloading her feelings of self-doubt on her colleagues at coffee break her one-time client will be down in the bar grumbling to his friends about how useless she is. The friends and colleagues will regard this as quite acceptable behavior. In fact first-degree games usually make up a big proportion of the time-structuring at parties and social gatherings. Games played at a second-degree level bring heavier outcomes of a kind which the player would rather not make public in her social circle. For instance suppose Mollys client had not just grumbled but had gone off and entered a formal complaint of incompetence Molly might then have experienced deep depression perhaps even resigning her job. Shed also have been less likely to talk casually to her friends about what had occurred. A third-degree game in Bernes words ...is one which is played for keeps and which ends in the surgery the courtroom or the morgue. If Jack and Jean had been playing at this grim intensity Jack might have physically maltreated Jean. Jean in turn might have saved up her anger until one day she picked up the kitchen knife and stabbed him with it. Formula G Berne discovered that every game goes through a sequence of six stages. 4 He named them as follows: Con + Gimmick Response—• Switch—•Crossup—•Payoff or just using their initials: C + G R—»S —•X— • P He called this sequence Formula G or the Game Formula. Lets apply Formula G to the games played between Molly and her client. He opens by telling her his landlord has thrown him out. Under this social-level message lies his Con. It is delivered non-verbally and conveys: But when you try to help me Im not going to be helped ha ha As Molly buys into the game set-up she signals her willingness to play by revealing her Gimmick. Berne used this word to describe a scripty weak spot that leads someone to buy into someone elses Con. For Molly its a Parent message in her head that says You have to help someone who is in such bad shape 235

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TA Today Listening to this message internally she responds to her client on the psychological level: OK Im going to try to help you but we both know that in the end you arent going to let yourself be helped. At the social level she covers this by saying What can I do to help The Response stage of a game consists of a series of transactions. They may only last for a second or two or may go on for hours days or years. In this case Molly offers several pieces of advice to her client. He counters with justifications of why each one wont work. At social level these transactions seem like straightforward exchanges of information. But at psychological level they repeat the Con-Gimmick exchange that opened the game. The Switch is pulled when Molly runs out of suggestions and her client says Thanks for trying to help. At the next instant Molly feels as though she had been taken by surprise. This moment of confusion is the Crossup. Her client has a similar experience. Straight away both players collect their Payoff of racket feelings. Molly feels depressed and inadequate. Her client feels righteously indignant. • What were the stages of Formula G in the interlocking games played by Jack and Jean Identify the stages of Formula G in your own personal example of a game. What were the psychological-level messages exchanged at each stage • The Drama Triangle Stephen Karpman devised a simple yet powerful diagram for analyzing games the Drama Triangle Figure 23.1. 5 He suggests that whenever people play games they are stepping into one of three scripty roles: Persecutor Rescuer or Victim. A Persecutor is someone who puts other people down and belittles them. The Persecutor views others as being one-down and not-OK. A Rescuer too sees others as being not-OK and one-down. But the Rescuer responds by offering help from a one-up position. She believes: T have to help all these others because theyre not good enough to help themselves. To a Victim it is himself who is one-down and not-OK. Sometimes the Victim will seek a Persecutor to put him down and push him around. Or the Victim may be in search of a Rescuer who will offer help and confirm the Victims belief T cant cope on my own. Every one of the Drama Triangle roles entails a discount. Both the Persecutor and Rescuer discount others. The Persecutor discounts 236

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Games and Game Analysis others value and dignity. Extreme Persecutors may discount other peoples right to life and physical health. The Rescuer discounts others abilities to think for themselves and act on their own initiative. A Victim discounts herself. If she is seeking a Persecutor then she agrees with the Persecutors discounts and views herself as someone worthy to be rejected and belittled. The Victim seeking a Rescuer will believe that she needs the Rescuers help in order to think straight act or make decisions. Take one minute to write down all the words you can think of that might be applied to a Persecutor. Do the same for a Rescuer and for a Victim. • All three Drama Triangle roles are inauthentic. When people are in one of these roles they are responding to the past rather than to the here- and-now. They are using old scripty strategies they decided upon as children or took on board from their parents. T o signal the inauthenticity of the Triangle roles the words Persecutor Rescuer and Victim are 237 Figure 23.1 The Drama Triangle

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TA Today spelled with initial capitals. If we spell the words beginning with small letters we mean real-life persecutors rescuers or victims. • Can you think of a real-life persecutor who would not also be a Persecutor What would be examples of the difference between an authentic rescuer and a person playing the role of Rescuer Would you say it is possible for anyone to be a victim without also being a Victim Usually someone who is playing a game will start at one of the positions and then will switch to another. This switch in Drama Triangle positions takes place at the moment of the Switch in the Game Formula. In the Kick Me game played by Jack he began in the Persecutor position and stayed there through the Response stage of his game. When the Switch was pulled Jack switched to Victim. • What Drama Triangle switches were made by Jean in her NIGYSOB game By Molly and her client in their game interaction What Drama Triangle switches did you make in your own personal game example • Jac k Jean Figure 23.2 Example of Berne s transactional game diagram 238

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Games and Game Analysis Transactional analysis of games Another way to analyze games is to use a transactional diagram. This is specially useful in bringing out the ulterior transactions between the players. Bernes transactional game diagram Figure 23.2 shows Eric Bernes version of the transactional game diagram. It describes the opening exchanges between Jack and Jean. Jack social level SJ: Id like to get to know you better. Jean social level RJ: Yes Id like that too. Jack psychological level S p : Kick Me please Jean psychological level R p : Ill Get You You S.O.B. The ulterior secret messages of S p and R p stay outside the awareness of each player until they are revealed at the moment of the Switch. The Goulding-Kupfcr diagram Bob Goulding and David Kupfer developed a different version of the transactional game diagram Figure 23.3. 7 For them games have five required features. Jack Jean Figure 23.3 Example of Goulding-Kupfer game diagram 239

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TA Today The Game Plan John James has developed a set of questions which give us another way of understanding the progress of a game. He calls it the Game Plan The following exercise uses a variation of the Game Plan that includes two additional mystery questions. It was devised by Laurence Collinson. You can use the Game Plan questions to analyze the personal game example which you have already noted. Or if you like use it to examine a different gamey situation which you recognize in your life. • Take a pencil and paper and note down the answers to the following 1 First comes the social-level opener of the game S s . Goulding and Kupfer call it the ostensible straight stimulus. In this case Jack says: Id like to get to know you better. 2 The second element of the game is the simultaneous psychological-level message S p which is the games Con. It is called the secret message and includes a scripty statement about the self. Jacks secret message is T deserve to be rejected and Im going to test you out till I prove it. Kick Me please 3 As always the outcome is determined at the psychological level. Jean reads Jacks Kick Me message and responds accordingly by stringing him along for a while and then rejecting him. In the Goulding- Kupfer sequence this is the response to the secret message. 4 Both players end up experiencing racket feelings the bad- feeling payoff. 5 The entire series of ulterior transactions stays outside the Adult awareness of the players. The Gouldings point out that if anyone has enough investment in getting into his favorite game he can twist the actual responses he is getting from the other person so as to read the game response into them. Thus he can take his racket payoff even if the other persons responses were not gamey. For instance suppose Jean had steadfastly refused to reject Jack despite all his pushing. He might redefine her response by saying to himself: Shes only pretending to want me around. I know she really wants rid of me and shes probably going round with someone else in secret. In this way he might manufacture the discount he had been expecting and go ahead to take his bad-feeling payoff anyway. • Use Bernes transactional game diagram and the Goulding-Kupfer diagram to analyze the games played by Molly and her client. Use them to analyze your own personal game example. • 240

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Games and Game Analysis questions as they apply to your chosen example. Its a good idea if you find someone else to share your ideas with as you complete the Game Plan questions. The mystery questions are printed at the end of this chapter. Do not look at them until you have answered all the other Game Plan questions. Then add the answers to the two mystery questions. 1. What keeps happening to me over and over again 2. How does it start 3. What happens next 4. Mystery question 5. And then 6. Mystery question 7. How does it end 8a. How do I feel 8b. How do I think the other person feels • Interpretation The sequence of answers to th e Gam e Plan questions should show you th e Drama Triangle switches and Formula G stages in the game. The feelings you listed at Questions 8a and 8b are both likely to be racket feelings of yours. It may b e that you recognize the feeling at 8a as being familiar but are surprised to think that the on e name d at 8b is also your own racket. If this is true of you check with someone who knows you well. The answers to the two mystery questions are the psychological- level messages of the transactional game diagram. However Laurence Collinson suggests that both these statements are also likely to be messages which your parents conveyed to you while you were a young child. Check whether this is true for you. A second possibility is that one or both of the mystery question answers may b e a message which you conveyed to your parents when you were very young. Keep your Game Plan answers. You can use the m again as you read the following two chapters. Definitions of Games Theres disagreement among T A writers about the prope r definition of a game. Perhaps this is becaus e Berne himself defined games differently at different stages of his thinking. In his last book What Do You Say After You Say Hello Berne spells out Formula G and explains the six stages as we have done above. Then he adds: 241

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TA Today Whatever fits this formula is a game and whatever does not fit it is not a game. As a definition this couldnt be clearer. Yet in an earlier book Principles of Group Treatment Berne had defined a game in different words: A game is a series of ulterior transactions with a gimmick leading to a usually well-concealed but well-defined payoff. Youll see the crucial difference between the two definitions. The later version in What Do You Say... refers to the Switch and Crossup as essential features of a game. The earlier definition does not. In fact it wasnt until quite late on in his development of game theory that Berne introduced the idea of the Switch. It appears first in Sex in Human Loving. In the earlier Games People Play he used a definition similar to the one in Principles of Group Treatment making no reference to the Switch or Crossup. Since Berne some writers have used definitions that follow his earlier version. In various different words they have defined a game as any sequence of ulterior transactions that ends up with the parties feeling bad experiencing racket feelings. We prefer to follow the alternative school of thought and use Bernes later definition. We define as games only those sequences that follow all the stages of Formula G including the switch of roles and moment of confusion represented by the Switch and Crossup. Why Because Bernes earlier definition without the Switch is already described in modern TA by another concept: racketeering. And theres a clear distinction between the process of racketeering and the process of a game in a way which Fanita English has described. Racketeers resemble game-players in that they exchange ulterior messages taking racket-feeling payoffs at the same time. But in racketeering no Switch is pulled. The parties may keep on racketeering as long as they both want or have energy to and then simply stop or do something different. Its only if one of the parties does pull a Switch that the racketeering exchange is transformed into a game. In the coming chapter well say more about why people may do this. We think that this distinction between racketeering and game- playing is a useful one to make. It gives us practical help in understanding how people get into painful exchanges and how they can get out of them. Therefore its useful also to have two distinct definitions so that we can always make it clear which of the two concepts were talking about. Suppose you want to define a game to somebody who doesnt know the technical language of Bernes Formula G You can use this way of saying it suggested by Vann Joines: A game is the process of doing something with an ulterior motive that: 242

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Games and Game Analysis 24 3 1 is outside of Adult awareness 2 does not become explicit until the participants switch the way they are behaving and 3 results in everyone feeling confused misunderstood and wanting to blame the other person. The mystery questions Mystery question 4: What is my secret message to the other person Mystery question 6: What is the other persons secret message to me

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Chapter 24 WHY PEOPLE PLAY GAMES Games are no fun. So why do we play them T A writers have suggested several answers to this question. 1 They all agree on one point. That is: in playing games we are following outdated strategies. Game-playing was one of the devices we adopted as young children to get what we wanted from the world. But in adult life we have other more effective options. Games stamps and script payoff Above all people play games to further their life script. Eric Berne suggested the sequence by which we achieve this. At the payoff of every game the player experiences a racket feeling. Each time he does this he can store the feeling away as a stamp. You learned the rest of the stoy in Chapter 21. When the game- player has built up a big enough collection of stamps he feels justified in cashing it in for whatever negative script payoff he decided upon as a child. Thus each person chooses her games to yield the kind of stamps that will advance her towards the script ending she has decided upon. As usual with scripts the script story may be played through in miniature many times during the players life. Consider Jeans NIGYSOB game. Each time she plays it she collects anger stamps and then cashes them in for a rejection of the other person. Her long-run script payoff is to end up old and alone having rejected all the men she has known. People choose the degree of their games to suit the degree of their script payoff. Suppose Jeans script were hamartic instead of banal. She would likely play her NIGYSOB at third degree. The men she chose would batter her physically instead of with words. At the game switch she in turn would cash her anger stamps by harming the man physically. Her script payoff would be homicide or seriously harming others. • Look back at your own game example. What feeling stamp did you save How might you have been saving up these stamps for a negative script payoff • 244

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Why People Play Games Reinforcing script beliefs You know that the child views her early decisions as being the only way to get by and survive. So it is not surprising that when we arc in script as grown-ups we want to confirm time and time again that our script beliefs about self others and the world are true. Each time we play a game we use the payoff to reinforce those script beliefs. For example when Molly was an infant she decided non-verbally that her job in life was to help others but that she could never help them well enough. Each time she plays out her Why Dont You... game she ends up repeating this decision in her head. In the language of the Racket System she stacks up another Reinforcing Memory to further her Script Beliefs about self others and the quality of life. Games and life position We can also use games to confirm our basic life position. To review this concept see Chapter 12. For instance people like Jack who play Kick Me are reinforcing a life position of Im not-OK youre OK. This position justifies the player in getting-away-from others. A N1GYSOB player such as Jean believes she is confirming Im OK youre not-OK each time she reaches her Persecutor payoff and thereby justifies her strategy of getting-rid-of other people. If a persons position is down in the lower-left quadrant of the OK Corral at Im not-OK youre not-OK she will most likely use her games to justify getting-nowhere-with people. For example this is where Mollv ends up each time she plays out her game of Why Dont You... • In your own game example what script beliefs about self others and the world might you have been reinforcing at the payoff Which of the life positions do these beliefs fit Does that check with the basic life position you saw yourself in when you were learning about the OK Corral • Games symbiosis and the frame of reference The Schiffs suggest that games result from unresolved symbiotic relationships in which each player discounts both himself and the other. 2 The players maintain grandiose beliefs in order to justify the symbiosis such as I cant do anything Child or T only live for you dear Parent. Thus every game is either an attempt to maintain an unhealthy symbiosis or an angry reaction against that symbiosis. We can draw a symbiotic diagram to analyze the interlocking games 245

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Why People Play Games which Jack and Jean are playing Figure 24.1. In Figure 24.1a we see their initial symbiotic positions. Jack takes the Parental role while Jean plays Child. In line with the standard way of drawing the symbiotic diagram we show Jack also taking on ownership of the Adult ego-state. However when the partners are playing through the early stages of their respective games neither is aware of what is going on. You could therefore imagine re-drawing the diagram to show the Adult out of commission for both Jack and Jean. At the Switch the symbiotic positions are switched also. Now Jack takes on the role of hurt Child. Jean switches into rejecting Parent. This gives the closing symbiotic picture shown in Figure 24.1b. Without knowing it Jack has been replaying his childhood symbiosis with his mother. When he was an infant he picked up non-verbally that his mother was rejecting him. Without words Jack decided: It seems I only get attention from Mother when she does something to reject me. Otherwise I might get no attention at all. So Id better set up to keep the rejections coming. He had soon worked out a range of strategies to get this result. Sometimes he would whine and grizzle on and on. At other times he would fly into a tantrum. Either way Mother eventually got angry with him. When she did she would shout at Jack or even slap him. This kind of attention hurt. But it was better than no attention at all. As a grown-up Jack still follows the same infant strategy outside of awareness. He seeks out women who are likely to reject him from a Parental position. If the rejection is slow in coming he helps it along by Persecuting the woman in the same way as he Persecuted his mother when he was fifteen months old. Jean too has been replaying a childhood symbiosis. As an infant and a toddler she had enjoyed getting lots of playful strokes from her father. But there came a time when Jean became not just a baby but a feminine little girl. In his Child Father began feeling uncomfortable at his own sexual response to her. Without awareness he withdrew from Jean physically. Jean felt betrayed and hurt. To blank out the pain she covered her hurt with anger and decided shed feel less uncomfortable if she became the one who did the rejecting. She got into her Parent to put down her fathers Child. As a grown-up woman she unknowingly acts out this same decision. She puts Fathers face on men she relates to and rejects them while once again feeling her childhood anger. • Draw the symbiotic diagrams for the games played by Molly and her client. Find what symbiotic position you took up at the beginning of the game in your own personal example and what position you moved into at the Switch. Do you identify what childhood symbiosis you were replaying or reacting against • 247

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TA Today When people use games to replay a childhood symbiosis they justify and maintain the problem which is being discounted. In so doing they defend their frame of reference. Thus games are played in order to justify what the players are already feeling and believing their racket feelings and life position and to shift the responsibility on to someone or something else. Each time a person does this he reinforces and furthers his script. Games and strokes You know that the Child needs strokes for survival. Every child gets scared at times that the supply of strokes may run out. To guard against this she develops a repertoire of manipulations to keep the strokes coming. Games are a reliable way of getting a supply of intense strokes. The strokes exchanged in the opening stages of the game may be positive or negative depending on the game. At the switch each player gets or gives intense negative strokes. Whether positive or negative every stroke exchanged during a game entails a discount. Games strokes and racketeering Fanita English suggests that people begin seeking game strokes when their strokes from racketeering are in danger of running out. 3 Perhaps I may have been getting into a Helpless role with you while you have been acting Helpful. I may tell you all the bad things people have been doing to me that day while you offer Rescuing sympathy. For a while we exchange these racketeering strokes. Then you get tired of the exchange and signal that you want to move on. Feeling scare in my Child I may respond by pulling a NIGYSOB game switch saying something like Huh I always thought you were somebody I could rely on but now I see I was wrong. Outside of my awareness Im hoping you will come back with a Kick Me and keep the supply of strokes coming. Whenever people get into games to manipulate for strokes they are discounting reality. They are ignoring the many grown-up options they have to get strokes in positive ways. • What strokes were you getting and giving at each stage of your own game example Did you get into the game when racketeering strokes were in danger of running out • Bernes six advantages In Games People Play Eric Berne listed six advantages of game- playing. 4 Nowadays they are not often referred to in practical TA work. 248

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Why People Play Games Each can be understood more simply in terms of other TA ideas. Lets review them briefly. For illustration say I am a Kick Me player. 1 Internal psychological advantage. By playing games I maintain the stability of my set of script beliefs. Each time I play Kick Me I reinforce my belief that I need to be rejected in order to get attention. 2 External psychological advantage. I avoid situations that would challenge my frame of reference. Thus I avoid the anxiety I would feel at the challenge. By playing Kick Me I avoid facing up to the question: What would happen if I did ask others for straight positive strokes 3 Internal social advantage. In Bernes words games offer a framework for pseudo-intimate socializing indoors or in privacy. Part of my Kick Me game may be long agonizing heart-to-heart exchanges with my gaming partner. We feel as though we are being open with each other. In reality this is not intimacy. Beneath the social-level messages are the ulteriors which confirm that we are in a game. 4 External social advantage. Gaming gives us a them e for gossiping in our wider social circle. When I am in the bar with a crowd of other male Kick Me players we may pastime or racketeer on the theme Aint Women Awful. 5 Biological advantage. This refers to the games yield of strokes. Kick Me yields mainly negatives. As a child I decided that since positive strokes seemed hard to come by I had better set up reliable ways of getting kicks in order to survive. Also each time I replay the game I am satisfying structure-hunger as well as stroke-hunger. 6 Existential advantage. This is the function of the game in confirming the life position. Kick Me is played from a position of Im not-OK youre OK. Each time I take a gamey kick I reinforce this position. • What are the six advantages of Jeans NIGYSOB game What were the six advantages in your own game example Positive payoffs of games John James has developed the idea that games have real advantages as well as scripty ones. He points out that every game brings a positive payoff as well as its negative payoff. 5 A game represents the childs best strategy for getting something from the world. When we play games in adulthood we are attempting to meet a genuine Child need. Its just that the means of satisfying that need are outdated and manipulative. James suggests that the positive payoff comes after the negative payoff in the Game Formula. For instance whats the positive Child need which I am satisfying by playing my Kick Me game Its that each time I 249

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TA Today play the game after I have collected my bad-feeling payoff I say to myself in Child: Phew Thank goodness for a bit of time and space for myself Other Kick Me players may gain different positive payoffs from mine. The positive payoff is unique to each game player. But says John James it is always there to be found. • What positive payoffs might Molly and her client have been seeking when they got into their Why Dont You — Yes But exchange What positive payoff did you get at the close of your own game example You may realize the answer immediately or it may take you some time and thought. • 250

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Chapter 25 HOW TO DEAL WITH GAMES You have already taken the most important steps in defusing game- playing. You have learned what games are and how they can be analyzed. You know the covert motives people have in playing games. In this chapter we outline a tool-kit of practical ways to counter games. Need we name the game In his bcslsclling Games People Play Eric Berne fascinated his readers by giving catchy names to the games he listed. Others followed Bernes lead and game-naming became a fashion in TA that lasted for some years. Literally hundreds of games were discovered each with its own name. With over twenty years hindsight we can see now that only a few of these represented genuine additions to our understanding of games. Many of the suggested names turn out to describe interactions that are not games at all according to the definitions we met in Chapter 23. In particular many do not have a Switch and so can be more consistently classified as pastimes or racketeering. This is the case with many of the games listed in Games People Play. When we eliminate these non-games we discover that the remaining games can be classified into a relatively small number of basic patterns. Each of these patterns can be represented by one well-known game title. All the other names represent variations on these and the variation is in content rather than process — in the details of what goes on during the game rather than how the game is being played. Most TA practitioners nowadays prefer to economize on the number of game names they use. We favor this approach. We think you can best develop an understanding of games by concentrating on the general patterns that define how games are played. This also allows you to work out general principles for countering games instead of having to develop a separate antithesis specific to the content of each game as Berne did. Some familiar games In this section we list some of the most commonly-used game names. 251

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TA Today They are classified according to the shift in Drama Triangle positions which the player makes at the moment of the Switch. 2 Persecutor-to-Victim switch This is typified by Kick Me which we have already illustrated by examples. Cops and Robbers is a version of the same game played in a legal setting. Here the player opens by seeking to Persecute the forces of law and order. But eventually he sets up to get caught thus finishing up as Victim. In Blemish the player finds fault with others criticizing their appearance work dress etc. H e may keep this u p indefinitely as a theme for racketeering without necessarily pulling a game Switch. However the blemisher may eventually get himself rejected by those he has been criticizing or set up to be accidentally overheard as he dwells on someones faults behind their back. Then he makes the move from Persecutor to Victim on the Drama Triangle converting his racketeering into a game. The player of If It Werent For You is always moaning to others about how they prevent her from doing something she wants. For instance a mother may tell her children: If it werent for you I could be away traveling in foreign countries. Now suppose something happens to interrupt her racketeering on this theme. Maybe she inherits a sum of money large enough to pay for child care. Or her children simply get old enough not to need her around. Do you think she then goes on those foreign travels No. She discovers shes too scared to leave her own country. In so doing she makes a Switch to the Victim position. Victim-to-Persecutor switch This pattern is exemplified by Now Ive Got You Son of a Bitch NIGYSOB. Youll recall this as the game played by Jean in one of our opening examples. In this and all its variations the player gives some sort of come-on from a Victim position. When the gaming partner takes the bait the player delivers a Persecuting kick. In Yes But... the player starts by asking for advice while fending off all the suggestions that are given. The Switch comes when the advice- giver runs out of suggestions and the Yes But... player deals out a rejection of the helper. Youll remember how Mollys client played this in our example. Its a common game in social work and other helping settings. Rapo is the sexual version of NIGYSOB. Here the player signals a sexual come-on. When the gaming partner responds with a sexual advance the Rapo player comes back with an indignant rejection. The Rapo player wears a sweatshirt that says on the front: Im available On 252

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How to Deal with Games the back it reads: But not to you ha ha First-degree Rapo is a common source of game strokes at parties and has a mild sexual rebuff as its outcome. At third degree the Rapo player may wait until there has been physical sexual contact then pull the Switch by crying Rape. There are several games of the NIGYSOB pattern in which the initial Victim position is take n up as a racketeering stance and the Switch is usually not pulled unless that stance is confronted. Players of Stupid and Poor Me begin by racketeering from postures of T cant think and T cant help myself respectively. They may be content to stay in this Victim position for as long as the strokes keep coming. However if someone confronts these players with demands to think or do things for themselves they may pull the Switch by becoming angry or accusing: Huh Should have known better than to think Id get any help from youV Wooden Leg is a variation of Poor Me with a sweatshirt motto that runs: What can you expect from someone who.. .had a mother like mine/ is an alcoholic like me/was brought up in the inner city/supply any other excuse. The player of Do Me Something seeks covertly to manipulate other people into thinking or acting for him. For example a student who is asked a question in class may sit dumbly chewing his pencil and waiting for the lecturer to supply the answer. As long as the hoped-for assistance is produced the player may stay in the position of helpless Victim. But later he may pull the Switch and collect a further harvest of game strokes by accusing the helper of giving bad advice. For example that same student might go to the principal after the examination and complain that hed scored a low mark because the lecturer had been unclear in his teaching. This end-of-game stance has sometimes been given a different same name See What You Made Me Do. Rescuer-to- Victim switch The prototype game here is Im Only Trying To Help You. This title can be used for any game in which someone begins by offering help from a Rescuing position then switches to Victim when the person they are helping either rejects the help goes ahead and gets into a mess anyway or signals that the help offered has not been good enough. The would-be helper then collects a payoff of inadequacy stamps. The game Molly was playing in our opening example Why Dont You... is a variation on this theme that involves the giving of advice which is rejected by the gaming partner. Rescuer-to-Persecutor switch See How Hard Ive Tried begins like Im Only Trying To Help You with the helper in the Rescuer role. But at the Switch the one-time Rescuer changes to an accusing Persecutor instead of a woeful Victim. For 253

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TA Today instance imagine a woman who has acted the smother-mother to her son right through his childhood. Now hes a rebellious teenager and has just announced he intends to leave home. Pulling her game Switch the mother screams: After all Ive done for you I hope you get just what you deserve Im washing my hands of you do you hear Using Options In Chapter 7 you learned about Options. If you have practiced them you will be skilled in their use by now. This skill combined with a knowledge of game analysis gives you an effective armory for countering games. Options can be used to break the flow of a game at any stage in the Game Formula. If you realize that you yourself are part-way through a game of your own you can take your Option of shifting out of a negative and into a positive functional ego-state. If someone else has invited you into their game use Options to come back with a response that cuts across their expectations of what you are supposed to do at that stage of the game. We suggest you use only positive ego-state Options. Rather than engage in a dance around the Drama Triangle with the other person step off the Triangle altogether. You cannot make anyone else stop playing games. Nor can you stop them trying to hook you into a game. But by using Options you can stay out of game-playing yourself or get back out of it if you find that you have already gotten in. And you maximize the chance that you will also invite the other person out of their game if this aim matters to you. Catching the opening Con Bob and Mary Goulding have stressed the importance of catching the game right at the beginning at the opening Con. 3 If you immediately come back with an Option to confront this youre likely to forestall the rest of the game. This calls for skill in thinking Martian. You need to pick up the ulterior message that forms the Con and cut across that instead of responding to the social level. You can use a cross from straight Adult. For example consider the start of the game between Molly and her client. When he came out with his request for assistance Molly might have responded: You sound like you have a problem. What do you want me to do about it With this question she would address the covert agenda directly. If her client were to redefine in a further attempt to hook her into his game she could simply repeat the same cross until he either gave an Adult answer or gave up and left. In the latter case he might take his own game payoff anyway. But Molly would have avoided taking a payoff for herself. 254

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How to Deal with Games If it fits the setting a specially effective way of cutting across the opening Con is to come back with an exaggerated over-the-top response from either Child or Parent. For instance Molly might have greeted her clients opening complaint by slithering down in her chair until she vanished below her desk groaning: Oh dear\ You are in bad shape again arent you When a client tells Bob Goulding that she has come into therapy to work on a problem Bobs frequent response is to assume an expression of pained boredom and drone: Work on and work on and work on... Responses like these cross the opening Con at psychological level conveying: Ive seen through your game so lets have some fun instead. Watching for discounts and drivers The opening Con always entails a discount. There are further discounts at each stage of the game. Therefore the skill of detecting discounts helps you identify game invitations and defuse them with Options. If you accept the discount offered in the Con you will have exposed your Gimmick and the game will be under way. Thus the way to disable the game is to confront the other persons discount. In the split second before moving into a game the player will exhibit driver behavior. You learned in Chapter 16 how to identify drivers. This skill also will assist you in catching the opening Con and forestalling subsequent game moves. T o stay out of the game refuse to respond to the other persons driver behavior with a driver of your own. Instead give yourself an allower. Disowning the negative payoff What if you miss the opening Con get into the game and become aware of it only at the Switch All isnt lost. You can still refuse to take your bad-feeling payoff. Better still you can give yourself a good-feeling payoff instead. For instance suppose Im attending a lecture given by a well-known speaker. When the time comes for discussion I put up a spirited attack on his ideas. In fact though Im not aware of it yet Ive started Persecuting him. When Im through the lecturer smiles quietly and demolishes my critique with on e well-chosen sentence. Th e audience laughs. At this point my script calls for me to hit the Switch of my Kick Me game. Im supposed to feel rejected and useless. Instead of that I step out of script. I tell myself: Interesting Ive just identified that Ive been setting up Kick Me for the past three minutes. How clever I am to have realized that I award myself a bundle of good feelings for my own cleverness in spotting the game. 255

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TA Today Note that I dont congratulate myself for having gotten into the game. T congratulate myself for being clever enough to realize Ive gotten into it. The interesting thing is that if you use this technique consistently you will find you play the game less often and less intensely as time goes on. And this is no surprise given the role games play in relation to the script. Each time I disown the bad-feeling payoff of a game and give myself a good-feeling payoff instead I throw away a negative stamp. I collect a positive Reinforcing Memory in place of the negative one called for in the game. Thus I help defuse my Script Beliefs and reduce the intensity of my Rackety Displays of which the game itself is one. Going straight to the positive payoff A similar technique is suggested by John James. 4 Youll recall his idea that every game has a positive payoff as well as a negative one. When you identify a particular game as one you have often played you can work out what authentic Child need you have been meeting in the past by doing so. Then you can find ways of satisfying that need in straight instead of scripty ways. For instance suppose the positive payoff of my Kick Me game is to get time and space for myself. Knowing this I can use my grown-up options to get these benefits without getting kicked first. I may begin taking ten minutes quiet time for myself each morning and afternoon or block out time in my schedule to go for walks alone in the country. As I do so I meet my Child needs in a straight way. As a result Im likely to find myself playing Kick Me less and less often. Furthermore when I do play the game I will most likely play it at a lesser degree than I did previously. Moving to intimacy at the Switch Once you have become accustomed to tracking the successive stages of a game you will find it particularly easy to recognize the Switch. You will realize that you and the other person seem to have switched roles in some way and you will almost simultaneously recognize the moment of confusion which constitutes the Crossup. At this point you have yet another strategy for stepping out of the game. When a person remains in script at the moment of the Switch and Crossup he believes his only option is to move to the Payoff. But with Adult awareness you can take a different route. Instead of moving into racket feelings you can be open with the other person about your authentic feelings and wants. Thus you invite intimacy in place of the game Payoff. For instance imagine I had played my Kick Me game through in a relationship and that I had just arrived at the Switch in the game. I might say to the other person: Ive just realized what Ive been setting up — to 256

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How to Deal with Games push you away until you reject me. Now Im scared youre going to leave me and I really want you to stay close to me. By this open statement I cannot make the other person stay with me. I cannot even make her move out of her own game if she is invested in staying in it. But I invite her to respond with her own authentic feelings and wants. If she does we may move back into the relationship with feelings of happiness and relief. Alternatively we may decide to part anyway though for straight rather than gamey reasons. If we make the latter decision both of us may have to face up to a period of sadness at our loss. As always intimacy is less predictable than game-playing and we may or may not experience it as more comfortable. Replacing game strokes Game-playing is seen by the Child as a reliable way of getting strokes. So what may happen when for good Adult reasons you reduce your game- playing Outside of awareness in Child you may feel panic and ask yourself: Whats happening to my stroke supply Recall that to the Child loss of strokes means a threat to survival. Thus without knowing it you may begin using Little Professor strategies to regain the lost strokes. Perhaps you find other ways of playing the same old games. Or you start playing different games with the same Drama Triangle switch. Or you forget to confront discounts. Superficially these actions might be interpreted as self-sabotage. As far as the early Child is concerned their purpose is just the opposite. The motive is to maintain the supply of strokes hence ensure survival. For this reason its important that you not merely set out to stop playing games. You also need to find a way of replacing the yield of strokes which you previously got from game-playing. Stan Woollams has drawn attention to an additional catch here. 5 Game strokes are plentiful and intense. By contrast the strokes we can get from game-free living are relatively mild and sometimes may not be in such reliable supply. For sure these new strokes are straight ones instead of involving discounts. But as we know the stroke-hungry Child is mor e concerned with quantity than quality. Theres no way around this other than to take time to convince yourself in Child that the new stroke supply is acceptable and is going to last. During this transition period it may be a good idea to set up extra sources of strokes that you can draw on to tide you over. This is on e way in which the support of a group can help personal change. In the longer term you will become accustomed in Child to this new and less intense stroke input. Game-freedom may entail the loss of some familiar sources of excitement. But it allows us to use grown-up options 257

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TA Today which we denied ourselves through game-playing. And by moving out of games we make it easier to move into the authentic closeness of intimacy. • Look back at the game example that you analyzed by means of the Game Plan Chapter 23. Do you identify it with one of the named games given above Check this against the switch in Drama Triangle positions you made at the Switch in the game. Refer to the various techniques for countering games which you have learned in this chapter. Apply each of them to your game example. You will end up with a list of ways to disarm this game in the future. If you want to apply these techniques decide first how you are going to get strokes to replace those you will lose when you move out of the game. Set up this alternative stroke supply. Then go ahead and begin countering the game. Choose one technique and use it consistently for a week. Then test out others in the same way. If you are working in a group report back on your successes. • 258

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TA in Practice Part VII CHANGIN G

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Chapter 26 CONTRACTS FOR CHANGE It is outside the scope of this book to give detailed guidance on the professional uses of TA . Our aim in this final Part is to present you with a brief overview of the ways in which TA is used to promote change. We begin in this chapter by looking at one of the central features of TA practice: the use of contracts. Berne defined a contract as an explicit bilateral commitment to a well- defined course of action. We also like James and Jongewards definition: A contract is an Adult commitment to ones self and/or someone else to make a change. Contracts specify: — who both parties are — what it is they are going to do together — how long this will take — what the goal or outcome of that process will be — how they will know when they have gotten there and — how that will be beneficial and/or pleasing to the client. T A practitioners distinguish two different kinds of contract: the administrative or business contract and the clinical or treatment contract. The business contract is an agreement between the practitioner and client about the details of payment and administrative arrangements for their work together. In the treatment contract the client sets out clearly what changes he wants to make and specifies what he is willing to do to help bring about these changes. The practitioner says whether she is willing to work with the client in the achievement of his desired changes and states what her input to this process will be. Steiners four requirements Claude Steiner has set out four requirements for sound contract-making. They were derived from the practice of contract-making in legal settings. 1 Mutual consent. This means that both parties must agree to the contract. The practitioner does not impose business arrangements nor treatment goals on the client. Nor can the client impose them on the practitioner. Instead the contract is arrived at by negotiation between the two parties. 260

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Contracts for Change 2 Valid consideration. In legal language a consideration means some form of recompense given in return for someones time or work. In TA settings the consideration will usually be in the form of money paid by the client to the practitioner. Sometimes the parties may contract for the consideration to be made in kind. For example the client might agree to do a certain number of hours clerical work for the practitioner in return for each hour of treatment. Whatever the details the nature of the consideration must be explicit and be agreed by both parties to the contract. 3 Competency. Both the practitioner and the client must be competent to carry out what has been agreed upon in the contract. For the practitioner this means having the specific professional skills needed to facilitate the client in his desired change. The client must be able to understand the contract and have the physical and mental resources to carry it through. This implies that for example a severely brain­ damaged person might not be able to enter competently into a treatment contract. Nor can a competent contract be made by anyone who is under the influence of alcohol or mind-altering drugs. 4 Lawful object. The goals and conditions of the contract must be in conformity with the law. For the practitioner lawful object also implies adherence to ethical principles laid down bythe professional body to which she belongs. Why use contracts First and foremost the emphasis on contracts in T A practice arises from the philosophical assumption People are OK. The practitioner and client relate to each other as equals. Hence they share responsibility for the change the client wants to make. This follows from the belief that everyone has the capacity to think and is ultimately responsible for her own life. She is the one who will live with the consequences of what she decides. Therefore it is u p to the client not the practitioner to decide what she wants for her life. The practitioners job is to point out everything that seems dysfunctional. If this sharing of responsibility is to be meaningful both parties need to be clear about the nature of the change that is desired and the contribution each will make to its achievement. Contracts and the covert agenda You know that in any relationship the parties may exchange ulterior messages. This is especially likely to be true in situations where personal or organizational change is being sought since such changes usually mean a challenge to someones frame of reference. Both practitioner and client are likely to come into their working relationship with a covert agenda as 261

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TA Today well as their social-level agenda. One important function of a contract is to make the covert agenda explicit. By exposing ulterior messages clear contract-making cuts through psychological games and helps both the client and the practitioner to stay off the Drama Triangle. The practitioner has her own frame of reference and it will be different from that of the client. Therefore she will come into their relationship bringing her own internal definitions of what kinds of change are good for people. Without a contract it would be tempting for her to assume that her clients definitions were the same as her own. Further because the definitions in her frame of reference might not be fully in her awareness she might not be fully aware that she was making assumptions about the proper goals for her client to pursue. In this situation it is likely that the practitioner would move into a Drama Triangle role. She might begin railroading the client in a particular direction thus playing Persecutor to the clients Victim. In Bob Gouldings words working without a contract may mean that a therapist becomes the rapist. Alternatively the practitioner might say internally: This client obviously needs to make such-and-such a change. He hasnt made it yet. Therefore hes in a sorry plight and cant get by without my help. With this she would step into the Rescuer role. The client also is likely to have a covert as well as an overt agenda. By coming to the practitioner he has declared on social level that there is some change he wants to make. In some cases he comes because theres a change that other people want him to make. But he hasnt yet made the change. This may be because he genuinely doesnt know how to. Or it may be that he does know how to but is defending on a covert level against making the change. In the latter case he will be giving the practitioner ulterior messages like: Ive come to change but Im helpless to do it or Ive come to change but you cant make me. If the covert agenda goes ahead on both sides practitioner and client will take up complementary roles on the Drama Triangle opening the way for racketeering and games. One function of the contract is to forestall this. In negotiating clear objectives and methods of change practitioner and client are forced to compare frames of reference. This process helps bring the covert agenda into Adult awareness so that both parties can assess it against reality. Since neither the practitioner nor the client is perfect it is unlikely that either will bring his full hidden agenda to light at the initial negotiation. Instead the contract may have to be reviewed and if necessary re­ negotiated many times during the process of change. Contracts and goal-orientation Most clients come to the practitioner bringing a problem which they want 262

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Contracts for Change to tackle. One of the purposes of contract-making is to shift the focus of attention away from the problem and center instead on the goal of change. In the process of making a contract both client and practitioner must necessarily construct a mental picture of the desired outcome of their work together. When they orient themselves to a clear goal in this way they automatically mobilize the personal resources they need to achieve that outcome. This is the principle behind all systems of creative visualization. By contrast if practitioner and client had given their attention mainly to the problem they would have had to construct a mental picture of that problem. Without intending to they would have been engaging in negative visualization directing their resources to examining the problem rather than solving it. There is still another advantage in setting a clearly-stated contract goal: it gives both parties a way of knowing when their work together has been completed. It also allows them to assess the progress they are making along the way. Thus the use of contracts prevents the situation where treatment might drag on interminably with the client and practitioner spending months and years working on the clients problems. Making an effective contract Here in summary are the main features which TA practitioners would look for in an effective contract. Rather than just stating these in the abstract we invite you to put them into practice on a desired change of your own. As James and Jongeward point out you can make a contract for change with yourself as well as with a therapist. The exercise sequence which follows is based on a contract-making procedure for self-therapy devised originally by Muriel James. 2 It has been further developed by one of the present authors IS. You need writing materials plenty of paper and time to work. • Decide on a personal change you want to make. Write it down using whatever words you bring to mind. • A contract goal must be phrased in positive words. Often the initial wording of a goal will contain negatives. For example the person may want to stop smoking or control drinking to lose weight or not to be scared of authority figures. Such stop contracts and not contracts never work in the long term. Partly this is because of the way in which the contract goal acts as a visualization. You cannot visualize not something. If you doubt this go ahead and visualize not a red 263

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TA Today elephant. When you try to do so you automatically make a mental picture of whatever follows the not or any other negative word. For instance if a person takes on a contract to stop smoking she cannot address that contract without continually visualizing the proble m activity she is setting out to stop. Theres also a good reason in T A theory for the ineffectiveness of stop contracts. Remember that all scripty behavior represents the Childs best strategy for surviving getting strokes and getting needs met. So what happens if you simply contract to stop doing that scripty behavior At the very least you hav e failed to give yourself in Child any clear directive on what you are going to do instead you have simply added one more to the endless list of donts and stops you got from your parents when you wer e young. At worst you may b e contracting to give up a behavior which in Child you hav e been perceiving as essential to your survival. To get to an effective contract you must specify the positive which will provide you in Child with a clear directive to action. It must provide a new option for surviving and getting needs met that is at least as good as the old scripty option. • If your stated want contains any negative words re-phrase it to contain only positives. Your re-phrased statement will say what positive you are going to use to replace the negative. • The contract must be for a goal that is achievable given your present situation and resources. Generally speaking we deem achievable anything that is physically possible. Note that this condition implies that you can only contract for a change you wan t to make in yourself. It is no t physically possible to make anyone else change. • Check whether your desired change is possible for you. As a check question ask: has at least one other person in the world achieved it If so list it as being possible. Be sure to specify fully however what the it entails. • The goal must be specific and observable. Both you and othe r people must be able to tell clearly whether you have achieved the goal . Beware of over-generalized goals and of comparatives. Often people will start with global goals like: T want to be a warm outgoing person or T want to get closer to others. T o take a contract like this would be to buy into endless working on since the stated goals are not specific enough to let anyone know whether they have been achieved. • How will you and others know when your desired change has been achieved State your answer with full detail of what you and others will be able to see and hear you doing differently. If your goal concerns the way you relate to other people specify which people by name. • 264

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Contracts for Change The change you are aiming for must be safe. Use Adult appraisal and consider both physical safety and social appropriateness. • Is this desired change safe for you ® The contract goal must be made from Adult with Free Child co­ operation. In other words it must be appropriate to your grown-up situation and abilities and help satisfy your authentic Child needs rather than denying them. A contract made from Adapted Child will almost always have the effect of furthering your script. Adapted Child contracts are therefore to be avoided. • Check: how much do you want this change for you rather than to please others get someones approval or rebel against someone The others and someone may be people from your past or your present. Another way of asking this check question is: Whats in this change for me • To achieve the goal you need to mobilize your Child resources as well as those of your Adult and Parent . Therefore contract goals in T A are phrased in eight-year-old language — in words understandable to the Child part of you. • Is your goal stated in words that an intelligent eight-year-old would understand If not re-phrase to make it so. € Achieving your goal will always involve some cost. This may be in terms of time money commitment upheaval saying goodbye or facing the scare of change. • Check: what will this change cost you to achieve Now that you have worked out the cost do you still want the change • The remaining steps of the sequence concern a commitment to specific action. • Write down at least five things you will need to do to achieve your contract goal. Again be specific in stating actions which you and others will be able to see and hear you taking. If these actions involve people say which people by name. Now from the list of things you need to do select and write down the ones you will do in the coming week. Write down: The people who might support me in this change are... and add their names. 265

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Chapter 27 AIMS OF CHANGE IN TA You saw in the previous chapter how specific contract goals are negotiated between the TA practitioner and the client. But what end- product are they to aim for in the change process How will client and practitioner know when their work together is complete Autonomy Eric Bernes suggested ideal was autonomy. He never offered a definition of the word but he described autonomy as being manifested by the release or recovery of three capacities: awareness spontaneity and intimacy. A wareness Awareness is the capacity to see hear feel taste and smell things as pure sensual impressions in the way a new-born infant docs. The aware person does not interpret nor filter his experience of the world to fit Parental definitions. He is in contact with his own bodily sensations as well as with external stimuli. As we grow up most of us are systematically trained to deaden our awareness. We learn instead to devote energy to naming things and criticizing our own or other peoples performance. For instance suppose I am at a concert. As the musicians play I may be engaged in an internal monologue: This was written in 1856 wasnt it Hm the tempo is a bit too fast. I wonder when this is going to finish I must get an early night lot of work to do tomorrow... If I let myself become aware I switch off this voice in my head. I simply experience the sound of the music and my own bodily responses to it. Spontaneity Spontaneity means the capacity to choose from a full range of options in feeling thinking and behaving. Just as the aware person experiences the world so the spontaneous person responds to the world: directly without blanking out portions of reality or re-interpreting it to fit Parental definitions. 266

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Aims of Change in TA Spontaneity implies that the person can respond freely from any of her three ego-states. She can think feel or behave as her grown-up self using her Adult ego-state. If she wants to she can go into Child and get back in touch with the creativity intuitive power and intensity of feeling she possessed in her own childhood. Or she may respond from Parent re-playing the thoughts feelings and behavior she learned from her parents and parent-figures. Whatever ego-state she uses she will choose her response freely to suit the present situation not to comply with outdated Parental commands. Intimacy You learned in Chapter 9 tha t intimacy means an open sharing of feelings and wants between you and another person. The feelings expressed are authentic so intimacy excludes the possibility of racketeering or game- playing. When a person is in intimacy he is likely to move into Free Child having first assured a safe setting for this through Adult contract-making and Parental protection. Becoming free from the script Though Berne didnt say so explicitly he implied that autonomy was the same thing as freedom from the script. Most T A writers since Berne have also equated these two ideas. Thus we can suggest a definition of autonomy: behavior thinking or feeling which is a response to here-and- now reality rather than a response to script beliefs. You may ask: But isnt the Adult ego-state defined as the set of behaviors thoughts and feelings that are a direct response to the here- and-now So does being autonomous mean being in Adult all th e time The answer is No. We have already seen how the spontaneous person may sometime s choose to respond to th e here-and-now by moving into Child or Parent ego-states. In autonomy this choice is itself made freely in response to the present situation. By contrast when a person is in script she will make her ego-state shifts in response to her own self- limiting childhood decisions about the world her script beliefs. Though autonomy doesnt mean being in constant Adult it does imply processing all incoming data about the world through your Adult ego-state then maintaining Adult awareness as you choose which ego- state to respond from. Like any othe r new skill this may feel awkward at first. Autonomy always offers more options than does the script. Intimacy may well seem less comfortable initially than game-playing or racketeering because intimacy is less predictable. However autonomous ego-state choice becomes easier with practice. It can become so swift and natural that its almost as though the persons Adult 267

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TA Today ego-state had positive Child and positive Parent qualities incorporated into it. Berne suggested the phrase integrated Adult to convey this idea. 2 Problem-solving In Schiffian terms we can say that the autonomous person engages in problem-solving instead of passivity. Here problem-solving doesnt only imply thinking to work out the solution to the problem it means also taking effective action to bring that solution about. As we saw in Chapter 21 the expression of authentic feelings also serves a problem-solving function. When someone is problem-solving he is accurately perceiving and responding to reality. Thus he is neither discounting nor redefining. And this in turn means he is script-free. For T A work in organizational educational or other settings outside therapy it can be particularly appropriate to set effective problem- solving as the goal for change rather than autonomy or being script- free. In these settings discounting and unsolved problems may often arise because people are misinformed rather than because they are in script. Thus the practitioner needs to focus attention not on script-work but on information exchange and the development of effective ways for people to act on that information. Views of cure Another of Bernes enthusiams was his emphasis on cure. He stressed time and again that the T A practitioners job was to cure the patient not merely to help him make progress. 3 In his book Principles of Group Treatment Berne uses the metaphor of frogs and princes to underline his own concept of cure. He suggests that cure means casting off the frog skin and resuming the interrupted development as prince or princess whereas making progress means becoming a more comfortable frog. In What Do You Say After You Say Hello he describes cure as breaking out of the script entirely and putting a new show on the road. A few years ago the TA Journal produced a symposium issue in which various T A writers gave their own interpretations of cure. 4 There were almost as many differing views as there were contributors. Here are just a few of the ideas that emerge from that discussion. Some writers take the down-to-earth view that cure can best be defined in terms of contract completion. Rather than have any global goal for change the practitioner and client simply work together until the client has completed as many mutually-agreed contract goals as she wants. 268

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Aims of Change in TA More widely held is the view that in therapy applications at least cure must entail some kind of movement out of script. Such script cure can be behavioral affective or cognitive or a combination of the three. In other words someone who moves out of script can do so by acting feeling or thinking in new ways. Several writers suggest a fourth dimension to script change: somatic cure. This means that the person moving out of script will change the ways she uses and experiences her body. For instance she may release chronic tensions or be relieved of psychosomatic ailments. Cure: progressively learning new choices No matter how you define script cure it is seldom a once-for-all event. Much more often cure is a matter of progressively learning to exercise new choices. Whenever anyone makes a significant change in their script they usually experience a natural high for a few weeks or months. Then after a while they often go back to experiment with the old behavior. Its as though a part of them wants to see if there are any goodies left in that old behavior. The difference is that they recognize where they are and dont stay there as long. The old behavior is no longer as satisfying as it used to be and they have new options so they move out sooner. Pretty soon it no longer has any appeal and they skip it altogether. Perhaps this process is best summarized by the following poem: 5 Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in I am lost...I am helpless It isnt my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. / / I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I dont sec it 269

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TA Today // / I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I see it is there I still fall in...its a habit My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. TV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I walk around it. V I walk down another street. 270 I fall in again I cant believe I am in the same place. Rut. it isnt my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

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Chapter 28 TA THERAPY Therapy is a process designed to help people in achieving personal change. In this chapter we look at the nature and techniques of therapy in TA practice. Self-therapy If you have read this book and worked through the exercises you have already done a great deal of self-therapy. You have examined the typical patterns of your own behavior feelings and thinking. To help understand these you have learned to use the many analytical devices that T A offers. You have recognized the outdated Child strategies that you now realize are not the most effective options for you as a grown-up and you have tested active ways of replacing these with new and more successful options. Some TA writers have given special attention to developing ways in which TA can be used in self-therapy. Notable among these is Muriel James. She won the Eric Berne Memorial Scientific Award for her work on self-reparenting. This is a system by which the person can build a new Parent providing positive new messages to overcome the negative restrictive messages that may have been given by the actual parents. It employs a combination of techniques including questionnaires contract- making fantasy and visualization and behavioral change assignments. In a sense all therapy is self-therapy. TA recognizes that everyone is responsible for his own behavior thoughts and feelings. Just as nobody can make you feel so nobody can make you change. Ihe only person who can change you is you. Why therapy So given that people are responsible for their own change what is the point of working with a therapist One way to answer this question is in terms of discounting and the frame of reference. We all have some investment in blanking out aspects of reality that would threaten the picture of the world we put together in childhood. Any time I get into script in adulthood I will be discounting to 271

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TA Today defend my frame of reference. If I am to solve problems and change effectively I need to become aware of the aspects of reality I have been discounting. But thats where the catch comes. By the very fact that I am discounting them these features of reality are blind spots for me. I may be able to detect and correct my discounting by rny own Adult effort. TAs armory of analytical tools can help me greatly in this. However there are likely to be some parts of my frame of reference that I see in Child as being particularly important to my survival. These I will defend with especial energy. I will do this outside of awareness by maintaining blind spots on any perceptions of reality that would confront these crucial discounts. In order to change in these areas I need input from someone else who does not have the same blind spots. Friends and family members are not likely to be the best source of this input. Families typically have blind spots that all the members of the family are brought up to share. I am also likely to select my friends and my spouse or partner because they have blind spots in common with my own. One purpose of working with a therapist or of joining a therapy group is that it gives me a source of feedback which is not subject to my own blind spots. If T go on to use this feedback and begin altering my frame of reference I am likely to begin feeling scared in Child. To see me through the change I may need support and protection. I may also benefit from further confrontation as I employ all kinds of diverting tactics outside of my awareness as ways of defending against change. I will find it easier to make the change and establish it as permanent if I get strokes and encouragement from others. All of these benefits I can get from working with a therapist or group. Who can benefit from therapy Theres a T A saying: You dont need to be sick in order to get better. You do not have to be disabled disadvantaged or disturbed to get benefit from therapy. In fact you do not even need to have problems. You can be a well-functioning fulfilled person and enter therapy simply to get even more of what you want from life. Nobody is one hundred per cent script-free no matter how lucky they were with their parents. For most of us there are some areas of life where we have been setting up problems for ourselves by getting into script. If so we may find it worth the time money and commitment involved in going into therapy to resolve these script issues. This said TA therapy may also be sought by anyone who is experiencing personal problems ranging from temporary relationship or work difficulties to severe mental disturbance. Treatment of the more serious disorders requires an appropriate setting with psychiatric support. 272

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TA Therapy Characteristics of TA therapy If you decide to go into T A therapy your first step is to find a qualified therapist and contract to attend for a certain number of sessions. These may be individual consultations or you may become a member of a group. TA was originated by Berne as a method of group therapy and most TA therapists still favor group treatment as the setting of choice. In earlier chapters you have already learned the main characteristics of TA therapy. Lets review these. The practice of therapy in T A is founded upon a coherent theoretical framework which you have learned in this book. You know that the main building-blocks of this theory arc the ego-state model and the concept of life-script. Personal change is seen in terms of a decisional model. In Part IV you met TAs account of how each of us decides in childhood upon script patterns of behaving thinking and feeling. A premise of all T A therapy is that that these early decisions can be changed. You learned in Chapter 26 how TA treatment is based on a contractual method. The client and therapist take joint responsibility for achieving contract goals. These goals are chosen to promote movement out of script and into autonomy in the way described in Chapter 27. The therapeutic relationship in TA rests on the assumption that people are OK. The client and therapist are viewed as being on a level with each other neither one-up nor one-down. Open communication is fostered. Therapist and client speak a common language using the simple words which you have met in this book. The client is encourage d to learn about TA. Therapists will usually ask their clients to attend introductory courses or read books on T A such as this one. If the therapist takes case notes these are open to the clients inspection. In all these ways the client is empowered to take an active and informed part in the the treatment process. An additional feature of T A therapy is that it is oriented to change rather than simply to the achievement of insight. Certainly T A lays stress on understanding the nature and sources of problems. But this understanding is never viewed as an end in itself. Instead it is a tool to use in the active process of change. The change itself consists in making a decision to act differently then going ahead and doing so. With this orientation T A practitioners have never attached value to long-drawn-out therapy for its own sake. Its not expected that a client must necessarily take months and years of on-going work to achieve insight before he can change. Berne underlined this in a famous recommendation to clients: Get well first and well analyze it later if you still want to. At the same time TA is not solely a brief-therapy approach. For the resolution of some problems a long-term relationship needs to be set 273

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TA Today 274 up between client and therapist and this also can be done within a TA framework. Three schools of TA Its usual to distinguish three main schools in present-day TA. Each of these has its own distinctive theoretical emphasis and its preferred range of therapeutic techniques. 2 Few individual TA therapists nowadays belong exclusively to any one of these schools. In fact in order to gain professional accreditation the therapist must demonstrate the ability to draw freely on the thinking and techniques of all three. The following thumbnail sketches bring out the central features of each school deliberately making them seem more sharply distinct than they really are. The classical school The classical school is so called because it follows most closely the approach to treatment developed in TAs early days by Berne and his associates. Classical practitioners use a whole range of analytical models to facilitate Adult understanding and at the same time hook Child motivation. You learned many of these devices in the earlier chapters of this book: the Drama Triangle the egogram the stroking profile Options etc. Thus in the classical approach the first step is for the client to develop understanding of how he has been setting up problems. He then contracts to make behavioral changes which will mark movements out of his old scripty patterns and into autonomy. It is recognized that as the client changes his behavior he is likely also to begin feeling differently but encouragement to express feelings is not itself a central focus of classical TA. Group treatment is strongly favored by the classical school. The group process is viewed as centrally important. This means that the clients interactions with other group members are assumed to be a re­ play of the problem which the client has brought to therapy which in turn is a re-play of problem situations left unresolved in childhood. The therapists role is to allow the group process to develop then feed in interventions which help the group members become aware of the games racketeering and other scripty patterns they have been exhibiting in their relationships with other members and with the therapist. In the view of the classical school an important function of the therapist is to give the client new Parental messages. Pat Crossman has suggested three Ps that the therapist must provide in order to do this effectively: permission protection and potency In giving permission the therapist gives the client messages that

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TA Therapy actively contradict injunctions or negative counterinjunctions in the script. These may be delivered verbally as for example: Its OK for you to feel what you feel or Stop working so hard Permissions may also be modeled by the therapist. If he is to accept the therapists permission the client in Child must perceive the therapist in Parent as being more powerful — having greater potency — than the actual parent from whom the original negative messages came. The client must also see the therapist as being able to provide protection against the disastrous consequences he fears may result from disobeying his parents negative commands. The redecision school Bob and Mary Goulding arc the orginators of a therapeutic approach that combines the theory of TA with the techniques of gestalt therapy developed by Frederick Fritz Perls. The Gouldings point out that early decisions arc made from a feeling rather than a thinking position. Therefore in order to move out of script the person must re-contact the Child feelings he experienced at the time of the early decision finish the business by expressing those feelings and change the early decision for a new and more appropriate redecision. This may be accomplished through fantasy or dreamwork or by early scene work in which the client tracks back in recollection to an early traumatic scene and re-experiences it. Bob and Mary Goulding follow Perls in believing that when someone is stuck with a problem this indicates that two parts of their personality are pushing in opposite directions with equal force. The net result is that the person is using a great deal of energy but getting nowhere. This situation is called an impasse. The Gouldings elaborated Perls theory by picturing impasses as occurring between different ego-states. In therapy impasse resolution is usually carried out using the gestalt technique known as two-chair work. The client imagines the conflicting parts of himself in different chairs "becomes each part in turn and carries on a dialogue with the object of resolving the conflict. During this process suppressed Child feelings may often be brought to the surface. Even more than TA practitioners generally redecision therapists emphasize personal responsibility. Tn redecision work the therapeutic contract is not viewed as a two-sided agreement between client and therapist it is a commitment made by the client to himself with the therapist as witness. The therapist does not give the client permissions. The client takes permission to behave and feel in new ways with the therapist acting as a positive model. Likewise potency is seen as a resource which the client already has rather than being provided by the therapist. Redecision therapists frequently work with groups but they do not focus on group process. Instead therapy is done one-to-one with the rest 275

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TA Today of the group acting as witnesses and providing positive strokes to encourage and reinforce change. While the expression of feeling is central to redecision work therapists in this school stress that it is also important for the client to understand what is going on. Typically the feeling work will be followed immediately by an Adult de-brief. Equally important is for the client to make a contract for behavioral change to practice and consolidate his new decisions. The Cathexis school In Part V we met the important contributions to T A theory made by the Cathexis school. Th e Schiffs originally founded the Cathexis Institute as a center for the treatment of psychotic clients. They used an approach which they called reparenting. It is based on the premise that craziness is the result of destructive inconsistent Parental messages. In treatment the client is encouraged to regress to early infancy. In so doing he decathects his crazy Parent ego-state i.e. withdraws all energy from it. He is the n literally given the chance to re-do his growing up this time with the therapist providing positive and consistent Parent input. Luckily this second time of growing up proceeds much more quickly than the first time around. Even so reparenting means that the fully-grown infant will be heavily dependent for some time on his new mother and father. This style of treatment then requires a secure setting and a high degree of commitment on the part of the therapist as well as psychiatric back-up. In the early days of Cathexis the Schiffs legally adopted their children so that there is now a widespread Schiff family. Among them are counted some of the most respected theorists therapists and teachers in present-day TA. Schiffian method has also proven effective in therapy with non- psychotic clients. The emphasis here is on the consistent confronting of discounts and redefinitions. Instead of being passive people are urged to think and act in order to solve problems. The intense therapeutic commitment of reparenting is no t appropriate in work with non-psychotic clients. However the Schiffian therapist may enter into a parenting contract with such clients. The therapist contracts to be consistently available to the client within specified time boundaries and serve as a replacement parent giving the client new and positive Parental definitions in place of the restrictive messages that may have been received from the actual parents. When Schiffian therapy is done in groups the group is seen as providing a reactive environment. This means that all the members of the group including the therapist are expected to respond actively to the actions of other members. If you do something in the group that I dont like I am expected to tell you: T dont like what you just did. I want you 276

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TA Therapy 277 to do x instead. If anyone in the group gets into passive behavior or discounting the other group members are expected to confront this immediately and call for active problem-solving. Here confronting does not mean Persecuting. It implies a straight demand on the other person made from an I+TJ+ position. The person who makes the confrontation does so with the genuine motive of looking after herself and of helping the other person. Shea Schiff has used the phrase caring confrontation to convey this idea. Beyond the three schools Some of the major developments in todays T A lie outside the boundaries of any one of the three schools. Two prime examples are Erskine and Zalcmans Racket System and Kahlers Miniscript. Each of these theoretical models has generated its own distinctive therapeutic approach. One of TA s most positive features has been its ability to incorporate ideas and techniques from other therapies. These have proven readily compatible with the theoretical foundations of TA . The result is that the modern-day TA therapist possesses a large adaptable tool-kit of techniques which he can draw upon according to the clients needs. Most T A practitioners have also trained in other modalities and bring these into their TA work. We have already spoken of the TA-gestalt combination used in redecision therapy. TA therapists may also use concepts and techniques drawn from psychoanalytic and brief-therapy approaches bioenergetics neuro-linguistic programming systems theory visualization and self-image modification techniques Ericksonian therapy behavioral psychology developmental theory and numerous other fields according to the practitioners background and interests. Always the ego-state model and the theory of life-script act as organizing principles guiding the use of these varied techniques within a T A framework.

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Chapter 29 TA IN EDUCATION AND ORGANIZATIONS From theearliest days of Eric Bernes development of TA he regarded it as a theory of social action and as a method of working with groups. TA can enhance effectiveness in almost any human endeavor where people are dealing with other people. T A is employed in a great diversity of educational and organizational settings. Each of these has its own individual characteristics and needs. In this chapter we give only a brief overview of the ways in which T A can be useful to educators managers and organizational analysts. The list of References for this chapter will give you a guide to the literature on these applications. Differences between educational-organizational and clinical applications The basic theory of TA is the same for educational and organizational EO work as for clinical applications but there are differences in emphasis and in techniques. 1 The training and accreditation of TA practitioners takes account of these differences see Appendix E. In clinical work the contract is usually two-handed being negotiated between the therapist and the individual client. By contrast contracts in E O settings are most often three-handed. The business contract will be negotiated between the practitioner and the sponsoring agency for the benefit of the members of the agency. For example a business firm may hire a T A trainer to work with their employees. The treatment contract also is likely to be negotiated at least in part between the practitioner and the paying agency rather than with the individuals or groups with whom the practitioner is actually working. This implies that all parties must be particularly careful to maintain clear above-board contract procedures to avoid three-handed game- playing. For example a business firm may assign employees to a TA training course even though the employees themselves have no initial motivation to attend. Unless this starting-point is made overt in the contract negotiations between the firm the trainer and the group members there are immediate possibilities for all three parties to take up Drama Triangle roles with subsequent game switches. In EO work the practitioner operates as a facilitator trainer or 278

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TA in Organizations and Education coach rather than as a therapist. He will most often invite his group members to deal with what is going on at the social level rather than the psychological level. Another way of saying this is that E O work addresses the overt rather than the covert agenda. Needless to say the practitioner himself needs to be keenly aware of the Martian messages that underlie what is happening at social level but it is usually not appropriate for him to bring these messages directly to his clients awareness. One reason for this difference in emphasis is that in an E O setting the practitioner usually cannot provide the protection that is needed if the covert level is to be laid bare. In an in-house team-building course for example the participants may only be with the practitioner for two or three days. Were he to invite the group members back into unfinished script material they might be left with the associated painful feelings but with no obvious means of resolving them. In any case work at script level is by no means always necessary to achieve effective problem-solving. Recall from Chapter 17 that discounting can arise from misinformation just as easily as from contamination or exclusion. In E O work then the practitioner will most often focus on how the individual or group can most effectively solve problems by thinking and acting in the present rather than exploring what past business a person may need to finish. When ego-state diagnosis is used it will be behavioral and social rather than historical or phenomenological. The practitioner may teach his group members the concept of life-script as a way of explaining why people may act in ways that appear self-defeating or painful. But individual script-work will seldom be used. In the sections which follow we review some of the ways in which TA concepts can be applied in organizational and educational settings. Organizational applications Does organizational work in TA 2 have any overall goal which corresponds to the goal of autonomy in TA therapy Roger Blakeney suggests the criterion of effectiveness. He points out that organizations like individuals may develop dysfunctional or ineffective patterns of behavior analogous to a persons scripty behavior. Movement out of this organizational script will be marked by an improvement in the organizations effectiveness in achieving its desired outcomes. Ego-states Organizations do not themselves have ego-states but they do have elements that function in an analogous way. They have patterns of beliefs etiquette and rules that correspond to the Parent ego-state. They have technologies and problem-solving strategies that are analogous to 279

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TA Today 280 the Adult. And they have patterns of behavior and feelings that parallel the Child ego-state. The organizational analyst can examine the amount of energy that the organization devotes to each of these three elements in the same way as the therapist examines the distribution of cathexis among a persons ego-states. On a more obvious level communication and interactions between individuals in an organization can be enhanced by knowledge of the ego- state model. Managers for instance may realize they are taking up a negative Parental stance while their employees respond from a negative Adapted Child by being rebellious or overly compliant. To improve effectiveness both managers and employees might take action to raise their use of Adult. They might make a clear contract on when it was appropriate for the managers to use positive Parent and the employees to be in positive Adapted Child in situations where safety was involved perhaps. Free Child hence job satisfaction might be encouraged by such means as making the workplace brighter and more comfortable. Its reported that some Japanese firms provide their employees with stuffed dummies of the management together with large wooden clubs. When a worker is feeling sore at the boss he can take time out in work hours to go and beat up his replica manager. This is Free Child release par excellence. Transactions strokes time structuring The analysis of transactions has been widely applied in training personnel who are in direct contact with the public e.g. receptionists and booking clerks. They learn how to keep the flow of communication smooth and comfortable by maintaining parallel transactions or how to thwart a potential Parent-Child argument by crossing a transaction. The analysis of stroking patterns has obvious application in enhancing job motivation. Managers may need to learn to give positive strokes for jobs done well rather than giving only negatives for jobs done badly. The principle of different strokes for different folks applies: while you may get your greatest satisfaction from the praise of respected superiors I may prefer to get my strokes in the form of a bigger wage- packet or longer holidays. When time structuring at meetings is examined it may sometimes turn out that these gatherings consist of much pastiming and little activity. As for games they probably account for the greatest waste of time and human resources in organizations. Individuals often resort to games when they feel bored not recognized or not sufficiently challenged within the organization. Changing stroking patterns and increasing the opportunities for positive challenge can do wonders to eliminate game- playing and increase productivity. T A procedures of contract-making can also help direct organizational energy into constructive action rather than the pursuit of hidden agendas.

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TA in Organizations and Education Confronting passivity Schiffian concepts have proven widely useful in organizational applications. The Discount Matrix provides a means of systematic problem-solving. It is particularly useful in situations where information and instructions are passed down the line with the accompanying tendency for details to get lost or distorted on the way. An awareness of verbal discounts tangential and blocking transactions can enhance communication and improve the effectiveness of meetings. TA in education Autonomy implies clear thinking and effective problem-solving. The educator aims to help her students develop these abilities. Therefore autonomy as an overall goal is as relevant in educational settings 3 as it is in clinical work. The educator will usually be able to relate to her students over a longer period and in a more personal way than is possible for the organizational practitioner. By the nature of educational settings it is especially likely that the students may put a face on the teacher and that she in turn may buy into these replays of the past by taking on a Parental role. She can help avoid this by acquiring a knowledge of script theory and by learning the content of her own script. T A theories of child development can guide the educator in dealing effectively with young people at various developmental stages. Ego-states The basic ego-state model is readily understood by children from early school age onwards. TAs simple language helps in this learning. By examining the content and motivations in all three of their ego-states students become better able to learn with a clear knowledge of their own intentions and desires. Learning experiences themselves are most likely to be effective if they appeal to all three ego-states. It is especially important to recognize that the Free Child is the source of creativity and energy in the personality and needs to be included in the learning process. The educator herself needs to have free access to all her ego-states. For much of the time she will be demonstrating Adult problem-solving. Often she will need to set firm boundaries from positive Controlling Parent or to show caring from positive Nurturing Parent. She can get into Child to model spontaneity intuitive ability and the enjoyment of learning. Transactions strokes time structuring The analysis of transactions is useful in keeping communication between 281

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TA Today teachers and students clear productive and free of hidden agendas. Using Options can help both teachers and students to break out of locked Parent-Child interactions. Detecting and avoiding driver behavior can also be a great help in clearing communication. There is a big difference between learning something and trying to learn it. Lecturers come over more clearly when they are taking their time instead of hurrying up. Students improve their study technique when they are satisfied with covering enough rather than setting out to Be Perfect by covering everything. Attention to patterns of stroking and time structuring is relevant to education in much the same way as to organizational work. The classroom and lecture-hall are especially rich breeding-grounds for games and racketeering. Students may play games such as Stupid You Cant Make Me or Do Me Something with its potential Switch into See What You Made Me Do. Teachers can play See How Hard Ive Tried Im Only Trying To Help You Why Dont You... or Blemish. A knowledge of game analysis enables students and teachers to avoid these unproductive exchanges and get on with the activities of teaching and learning. The use of contract-making helps educators and learners to reach clear overt agreement about what they are each there to do and how best they can do it. Confronting passivity In educational settings it is especially likely that people may be expecting symbiosis. This expectation may even be overt in some cultures where teachers are traditionally pictured as playing the Parent and Adult role while the student plays Child. Current approaches to education agree with TA in viewing this as a discount of the abilities of both parties. A knowledge of Schiffian concepts helps teachers and students to stay out of symbiosis and make full use of all three ego-states. Educators can learn to recognize the four passive behaviors and confront them instead of buying into games. If the institutional setting makes it possible tutorial groups and classes may be set up to provide a reactive environment where teachers and students take mutual responsibility to promote clear thinking and active problem-solving. 282

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Chapter 30 HOW TA HAS DEVELOPED At the date of this books first publication it is thirty years since Eric Berne delivered the first professional paper to bear the title Transactional Analysis. Of that thirty-year span more than half has gone by since Bernes early death in 1970. TA like Berne himself has had to face the premature loss of a father. In this chapter we trace Bernes life and the origins of his thinking in the 1950s and earlier. The thirty years following that 1957 paper saw first a phase of early development in the fertile minds of a handful of TA professionals centered on Americas West Coast. The publication of Bernes bestselling Games People Play in the mid-1960s catapulted TA into the public eye and marked the beginning of a decade of mass popularity. The years from the late 1970s until the present have been a period of consolidation. The numerical following of TA has declined from a 1976 peak to a current level which though lower is stabl e and still much higher than in the early years. Theory and practice have been refined and developed. Perhaps most striking of all has been the worldwide spread of interest in TA . No longer confined to the West Coast to America or to English-speaking countries the TA community has become truly international. Eric Berne and the origins of TA Eric Berne 1 was born Eric Lennard Bernstein in Montreal in 1910. His father was a general practitioner and his mothe r a professional writer. His early years were happy and he especially enjoyed accompanying his father on his medical rounds. Then when Eric was only nine his father died. His loss affected the little boy deeply and this may have been a major influence in Bernes later development. Encouraged by his ambitious mother Berne went on to enter medical school and qualified as a doctor in 1935. Shortly afterwards he moved to America and began psychiatric residency. He became an American citizen and changed his name to Eric Berne. In 1941 he began training as a psychoanalyst becoming an analysand of Paul Federn. This was interrupted by the outbreak of World War II and Berne joined the Army Medical Corps in 1943 as a psychiatrist. 283

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TA Today During this period of service he began practicing group therapy. He had already started compiling critical notes on psychiatry and psychoanalysis which were to form the basis for later writings. Following his release from the Army in 1946 Berne resumed his psychoanalytic training this time under Erik Erikson. He began the regime of hard work which marked the rest of his life combining a private practice with several official appointments and a crowded schedule of writing commitments. His first book The Mind in Action was published in 1947 it was to be revised in 1957 as A Laymans Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. 1 In 1949 Berne published the first of six professional journal articles concerning the nature of intuition. Appearing from that year until 1958 these were to present the emerging ideas on which Berne founded his development of TA. All this time Berne had continued training in psychoanalysis. In 1956 he applied for membership of his professional psychoanalytic institute but was turned down. Spurred on by this rejection Berne resolved to go ahead by himself and construct a new approach to psychotherapy. By the end of that year he had completed two more in his series of papers on intuition in which he first presented his concept of Parent Adult and Child ego-states and used the term structural analysis. These articles were published in 1957. Berne went on to write a further paper which he presented to the American Group Psychotherapy Association in November 1957. It was entitled Transactional Analysis: A New and Effective Method of Group Therapy. In this article which appeared in print the following year Berne re­ stated his concepts of Parent Adult and Child ego-states and introduced the notions of games and script. Thus the basic framework of T A theory was already complete. What kind of man was Berne Different people who knew him have different memories of his complex personality. Some say he was genial supportive fun-loving. Others recall him as sharp-tongued competitive and personally distant. 3 What is certain is that he was a clear thinker and demanded clear thinking in others. This quality has come down to us in the coherent structure of TA theory. Throughout his career Berne kept up a keen interest in the function of intuition. As well as providing the impetus to Bernes original formulation of TA concepts this was reflected in the stress he laid on thinking Martian: understanding covert as well as overt messages. Berne was an individualist even a rebel. We can only guess whether his rejection by the psychoanalytic establishment was genuinely the spur for his development of TA . But he did succeed in originating a method of psychotherapy that broke the rules of the establishment as Berne saw them at the time. His ideal was to cure people quickly rather than having 284

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How TA Has Developed them make progress during years of therapy. He determined that TA should speak the language of the layman instead of cloaking itself in Latin and Greek so that client and therapist could more readily co­ operate in the process of cure. Paradoxically some of Bernes most deeply-felt ideals sprang directly from a medical background. Perhaps this reflected not only his own medical training but also his memories of a happy childhood spent with his father. When Berne wrote Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy he gave it a Latin dedication: To the memory of my father David Doctor of Medicine and Master of Surgery and doctor to the poor. To Berne the effective therapist had to be a real doctor. Berne was not suggesting that only medically-qualified persons should become therapists. On the contrary he meant that any therapist had to accept the responsibilities expected of a medical doctor. The real doctor said Berne is always oriented first and foremost towards curing his patients. H e must plan his treatment so that at each phase he knows what he is doing and why he is doing it. These qualities are still demanded today in the accreditation of TA practitioners. The early years Since the early 1950s Berne and his associates had been holding regular clinical seminars. 4 In 1958 they formed the San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminars SFSPS meeting each Tuesday at Bernes home. With several changes of name and venue their meetings have continued to this day. In those early years the San Francisco seminars provided a fertile breeding-ground for the emerging ideas of TA. Bernes Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy the first book entirely devoted to TA appeared in 1961. It was followed in 1963 by The Structure and Dynamics of Organizations and Groups. The Transactional Analysis Bulletin began publication in January 1962 with Berne as Editor. The membership of the SFSPS included many who are now well- known figures in the Classical school of TA such as Claude Steiner Jack Dusay Stephen Karpman and Franklin Ernst. Also among the participants in the early seminar meetings was Jacqui Lee Schiff. In addition Bob Goulding entered clinical supervision with Berne in the early 1960s. Thus were sown the seeds of development of the other two main schools of current TA which we described in Chapter 28. In 1964 Berne and his colleagues decided to form the International Transactional Analysis Association IT A A in recognition of the fact that T A was now being practiced by a growing number of professionals 285

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TA Today outside the USA. At the same time the name of the San Francisco seminar was changed to the San Francisco Transactional Analysis Seminar SFTAS. The year 1964 also saw what was to be a landmark in TAs history: the publication of Games People Play. Berne had intended the book to be a reader for a relatively small circle of professionals. Instead it became a best-seller. As its sales boomed worldwide so the language and ideas of T A caught the imagination of a mass audience. The years of expansion The commercial success of Games People Play did not produce an immediate explosion in the number of professionals using TA . The 1965 membership roll of ITAA contained a mere 279 names. However these small numbers of practitioners continued a steady development of TA theory and practice. In 1965 the Schiffs now based in the Eastern USA began their work with psychotic clients. Bernes Principles of Group Treatment was published in 1966 and the same year saw the appearance of Steiners seminal article on Script and Counterscript in the TA Bulletin. In 1968 the membership of ITA A had grown to more than 500 and Stephen Karpmans Drama Triangle made its first public appearance in a TAB article. All the while Berne continued with his unremitting routine of hard work. By June 1970 he had completed the manuscripts of two books Sex in Human Loving and What Do You Say After You Say Hello. But he was never to see them in print. Late in June he suffered a heart attack and was rushed to hospital. Thought at first to be recovering he had a second attack and died on July 15 1970. The first issue of the Transactional Analysis Journal in January 1971 was a memorial volume in honor of Berne. In that same issue Aaron and Jacqui Schiff published their pathbreaking article on Passivity and Stephen Karpman presented his concept of Options. As well as Bernes own works two other best-selling books helped swell public interest in TA. Thomas Harriss Im OK Youre OK had appeared in 1967. Unlike Games People Play it was aimed specifically at a lay readership and presented the basic theory of TA in a way that was immediately appealing if sometimes idiosyncratic. In 1971 Murie l James and Dorothy Jongewards Born To Win brought T A ideas together with the gestalt approach of Fritz Perls. Thus the snowball of public interest began rolling. ITAAs membership which numbered around 1000 in 1971 grew to over 5000 by 1973. It continued to rise until it reached a peak of almost 11000 in 1976. 5 286

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How TA Has Developed Meantime all three schools of T A were busy with further advances in theory and practice. Jack Dusays original article on Egograms appeared in the TA Journal in 1972. In the same year Bob and Mary Goulding published the article which presented their ideas on redecision and injunctions and the Schiffs founded the Cathexis Institute. Taibi Kahlers work on drivers and the miniscript first presented in a 1974 TA Journal article represented a major new departure for TA. Kahlers ideas fell outside the framework of any of the main schools. And though the miniscript is firmly rooted in basic TA theory it introduces some crucial concepts that Berne had never heard of by the time of his death in 1970. International consolidation If TA was conceived in Bernes early studies of intuition and born with the presentation of his 1957 paper it came of age in 1978. By that year the membership of the ITAA had fallen back to 8000. The number continued to decline reaching the 5000 mark in 1985. The novelty value of TA as a media item has worn off as it was bound to do. Yet the decline in mass interest is only a part of TAs current story and perhaps a rather unimportant part. More to the point is that T A has found maturity as a discipline and gained international acceptance as a professional approach. In this regard it may have been no bad thing for T A to have lost the pop psychology image it acquired in some peoples minds during the years of rapid expansion. Two books appeared in 1977 which in many ways symbolized this change. Both were symposium volumes aimed principally at a professional audience. Transactional Analysis After Eric Berne edited by Graham Barnes documented the major growth and developments in TA theory and practice that had taken place since Bernes death. Muriel James was editor of Techniques in Transactional Analysis for Psychotherapists and Counselors focusing principally on the current applications of TA. T A writers have continued to add to the depth and breadth of TA thinking. Richard Erskine and Marilyn Zalcmans Racket System for instance was first presented in a 1979 TA Journal article. Professional training and accreditation in T A conform to standards recognized worldwide. Currently they are administered by ITAA and by the European Association for Transactional Analysis EATA. We give details at Appendix E. Active interest in TA outside the USA had begun well before the main period of expansion. As early as 1964 a TA approach to group interaction was being taught in adult-education settings by Professor John Allaway of the University of Leicester England. 6 Classes in this 287

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TA Today format continue to the present day. The ITAAs 1965 membership contained a handful of names from outside the U.S. As the worldwide surge of interest in T A got under way non-U. S. numbers grew with the rest until in 1976 there were some 2000 members from outside the U.S. in the total of over 10000. An interesting development has been that as the total ITAA membership has fallen back the non-U.S. numbers have continued to increase. Thus the proportion of the membership roll represented by non-U.S. members has steadily risen. To an ever-increasing degree ITAA is becoming truly international. In recognition of this fact ITAA in the late 1980s embarked on a radical program of international affiliation see Appendix D. At the date of this books fifth printing March 1991 the total membership of ITAA is once again on the increase. Currently the organization has some 7000 members from over 60 countries. As interest in TA has grown throughout the world a natural consequence has been the foundation of local national and continental T A organizations. The European Association for Transactional Analysis was founded in 1974 and currently has more than 4000 members. It held its first congress in 1975 and this was followed in 1976 by the first Pan- American congress. There are national TA associations in many countries of Europe North and South America Asia and Australasia see Appendix D. Though TA was slower at first to find acceptance in the countries of the Eastern bloc it is gathering momentum there also. In January 1987 a group of ITAA visitors gave the first TA 101 course ever to be presented in the Peoples Republic of China. 7 More recently the sweeping political changes in Eastern Europe have cleared the way for an upsurge of activity in TA . At the time of writing March 1991 T A associations in Hungary Poland and the Soviet Union are in dialog with EATA enthusiastic to forge closer links with their TA colleagues in Europe and worldwide. 288

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Appendix A BOOKS BY ERIC BERNE For a complete bibliography of Bernes writings see Cranmer R. Eric Berne: annotated bibliography. Transactional Analysis Journal 1 1 1971 23-9. Following are the eight books by Berne listed in the ITAAs reference guide for the TA 101 Course. Berne E. Intuition and ego states. McCormick P. ed.. San Francisco: T A Press 1977. A compilation of the papers Berne published in professional journals from 1949 to 1962 on various topics connected with intuition. They include his first statements on the basic theory of TA. Berne E.A laymans guide to psychiatry and psychoanalysis. New York: Simon and Schuster 1957 third edition published 1968. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1957 and Harmondsworth: Penguin 1971. A revision of The mind in action originally published in 1947. The 1967 edition of A laymans guide introduced a chapter on transactional analysis contributed by John Dusay. Berne E. Transactional analysis in psychotherapy. New York: Grove Press 1961 1966. The first book to deal wholly with TA. It contains Bernes original and still definitive formulation of the ego-state model together with expanded statements of the other elements of basic theory introduced in his earlier journal papers. Berne E. The structure and dynamics of organizations and groups. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott Co. 1963. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966 and New York: Ballantine 1973. The books content is described by its title. Includes some TA concepts e.g. analysis of transactions and games. Berne E. Games people play. New York: Grove Press 1964. Other editions include: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1968. The world-famous best-seller which presents the ideas on game analysis which Berne had developed by the early 1960s. He revised this 291

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TA Today theory in successive later books — see TA Today Chapter 23. Also contains a compendium of the games which had been named up to that time. Berne E. Principles of group treatment. New York: Oxford University Press 1966. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966. A text on the theory and practice of group treatment in clinical settings including the application of TA in this field. Berne E. Sex in human loving. New York: Simon and Schuster 1970. Other editions: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1973. An exploration of sex in personal relationships analyzed in a TA framework. Berne E. What do you say after you say hello New York: Grove Press 1972. Other editions: London: Corgi 1975. An extended statement of the theory of script as developed by Berne and his associates up to the late 1970s with applications to therapy. 292

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Appendix B OTHER KEY BOOKS ON TA In selecting the few key books named in this Appendix we dono r intend any adverse comment on the quality of the many other books currently available on TA. The books we cite here have been chosen on two criteria. They are either compendium volumes which give a broad overview of T A theory and practice or widely-accepted statements of the position of one of the three TA schools. In both these senses they are keys to further reading and study in TA. We do not give any indication whether a book is currently in print since this information may change at short notice with individual publishers decisions. Texts and compendium volumes Barnes G. ed Transactional analysis after Eric Berne: teachings and practices of three TA schools. New York: Harpers College Press 1977. Its 22 papers are centered mainly on the discussion of post-Bernian developments in theory though practice is also well covered. Explores the nature and development of the three current schools of TA. James M. ed Techniques in transactional analysis for psychotherapists and counselors. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1977. A symposium of 43 papers with Muriel James contributing as well as editing. As the title indicates the book is focused primarily on the techniques of modern TA but theory is also examined and there is a section examining the relationships between TA and other therapies. James M. and Jongeward D. Born to win: transactional analysis with gestalt experiments. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1971. Other editions include: New York: Signet 1978. The 1971 best-seller still a sound introduction to T A basics. Notable for its use of gestalt exercises to aid learning and self-knowledge. Kahler T. Transactional analysis revisited. Little Rock: Human Development Publications 1978. A wide-ranging critique of TA theory including a update and expansion of Kahlers own Miniscript concept. 293

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TA Today Stern E. ed TA: the state of the art. Dordrecht: Foris Publications 1984. With 23 papers contributed mainly by European practitioners this book gives a view of the cutting edge of current theory and practice in TA . Woollams S. and Brown M. Transactional analysis. Dexter: Huron Valley Institute 1978. Other editions: paperback edition with some revisions TA: the total handbook of transactional analysis. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall 1979. A comprehensive text of TA theory and practice. Classical school Dusay J. Egograms. New York: Harper and Row 1977. Other editions: New York: Bantam 1980. A readable presentation of Dusays egogram concept plus the functional ego-state model and other aspects of classical TA. Steiner C Scripts people live: transactional analysis of life scripts. New York: Grove Press 1974. A thorough discussion of the theory and implications of life-script. Redecision school Goulding M. and Goulding R. Changing lives through redecision therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel 1979. Goulding R. and Goulding M. The power is in the patient. San Francisco: TA Press 1978. These two books by the Gouldings describe both the theory and the practice of their redecision work. The latter volume is a compilation of papers originally published by them in journals and professional volumes. Cathexis school Schiff J. et al. The Cathexis reader: transactional analysis treatment of psychosis. New York: Harper and Row 1975. A full statement of Schiffian theory incorporating material originally published in the TA Journal. 294

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Appendix C Revised March 1996 WINNERS OF THE ERIC BERNE MEMORIAL AWARDS The Eric Berne Memorial Scientific Award was established in 1971 to honor and perpetuate the memory of Eric Bernes scientific contributions. It was to be given annually to the originator of a new scientific concept in TA. Adjudication was by the Editorial Board of ITAA. In 1990. the ITAA Board of Trustees decided to change the title and scope of the Award. It is now known as the Eric Berne Memorial Award in Transactional Analysis. The Award is given annually for published contributions to TA theory or practise or for the integration or comparison of TA theory or practise with other therapeutic modalities. The winners of the Award are chosen by a committee appointed by the ITAA Board of Trustees. Following is a chronological list of winners of the Award lor the years 1971-1994 together with references to the works for which they received their awards. At print date the 1995 Award is still under consideration. Numbers in brackets in italic type following each reference indicate the chapter of TA Today in which the topic is covered. 1971: Claude Steiner SCRIPT MATRIX. Steiner. C Script and counterscript. Transactional Analysis Bulletin 5 18 1966 133- 35. 13 1972: Stephen Karpman. DRAMA TRIANGLE. Karpman. S. Fairy tales and script drama analysis. TAB 7 26 1968 39-43. 23 1973: John Dusay EGOGRAMS. Dusay J. Egograms and the constancy hypothesis. Transactional Analysis Journal 2 3 1972 37-42. 3 1974: Aaron Schiff and Jacqui Schiff PASSIVITY AND THE FOUR DISCOUNTS. Schiff A. and Schiff. J.. Passivity. TAJ. 1 1. 1971. 71-8. 17 1975: Robert Goulding and Mary Goulding REDECISION AND TWELVE INJUNCTIONS. Goulding R. and Goulding M. New directions in transactional analysis. In Sager and Kaplan eds. Progress in group and family therapy. New York: Brunncr/ Mazel 1972. 105-34 and Injunctions decisions and redecisions. TAJ 6 1 1976 41-8. 14 295

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TA Today 29 6 1976: Pat Crossman PROTECTION. Grossman P. -Permission and protection. TAB 5 19 1966 152-4. 28 1977: Taibi Kahler MINISCRIPT AN D FIV E DRIVERS. Kahler T. The miniscript". TAJ 4 1 1974 26-42. 16 1978: Fanita English. RACKETS AND REAL FEELINGS: THE SUBSTITUTION FACTOR. English F. The substitution factor: rackets and real feelings. TAJ 1 4 1971 225-30 and Rackets and real feelings Part IF. TAJ 2 1. 1972 23-5. 21 1979: Stephen Karpman OPTIONS. Karpman S. "Options. TAJ 1 1 1971 79-87. 7 1980: joint award: Claude Steiner. THE STROKE ECONOMY. Steiner C The stroke economy. TAJ 1 3. 1971 9-15. 8 1980: joint award: Ken Mellor and Eric Sigmund. DISCOUNTING AN D REDEFINING. Mellor K.. and Sigmund E. Discounting. TAJ 5 3 1975. 295-302 and Mellor K. and Sigmund. E. Redefining. TAJ 5 3. 1975. 303-11. 17 18 19 1981: Franklin H. Ernst Jr.. TH E O K CORRAL . Ernst F. The OK corral: the grid for get-on-with\ TAJ 1 4 1971 231-40. 12 1982: Richard Erskine and Marilyn Zalcman RACKET SYSTEM AN D RACKET ANALYSIS. Erskine. R. and Zalcman M. The racket system: a model for racket analysis. TAJ 9 1 1979 51-9. 22 1983: Muriel James SELF-REPARENTING. James M. Self- reparenting: theory and process. TAJ 4 3 1974 32-9. 28 1984: Pam Levin DEVELOPMENTAL CYCLES. Levin P. The cycle of development. TAJ 12 2 1982 129-39. References 10 1985 1986: Not awarded. 1987: Carlo Moiso EGO STATES AND TRANSFERENCE . Moiso C . Ego states and transference. TAJ 15 3 1985 194-201. — 1988 through 1993: No t awarded. 1994 EBMA joint award: Sharon R. Dashiell area: Practise Applications. Dashiell S. The Parent resolution process: reprogramming psychic incorporations in the Parent. TAJ 8 4 1978 289-94. — 1994 EBMA joint award: John R. McNeel area: Practise Applications. McNeel J. The Parent interview. TAJ 6 1 1976 61-8. — 1994 EBMA joint award: Vann S. Joine s area: Integration of TA with Other Theories and Approaches. Joines V. Using redecision therapy with different personality adaptations. TAJ 16 3 1986 152-60 and Diagnosis and treatment planning using a transactional analysis framework. TAJ 18 3. 1988185-907

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Appendix D Revised March 1991 TA ORGANIZATIONS At the date of this revision March 1991 there is one TA organization with worldwide coverage: the International Transactional Analysis Association ITAA. Another organization the European Association for Transactional Analysis EATA covers the continent of Europe. As well as these two international organizations there are national or regional TA associations in many countries of the world. In Chapter 30 we gave a brief sketch of the historical development of ITAA and EATA. Appendix E will describe their activities in TA training and accreditation. The International Transactional Analysis Association The ITAA is a non-profit educational corporation in the terms of US law. Persons wishing to become ITAA members may do so in two alternative ways. They can join through their national or regional TA association if it is affiliated with ITAA see below or if there is no affiliated association in their region they can join ITAA as a direct member. ITA A offers four categories of direct membership. Associate Membership is a general-interest non-voting membership which supports the humanistic goals of ITAA. Regular Membership is a support-level voting membership for professionals who use TA but are certified through another source. This is also the membership for persons in the process of attaining competency-based certification from the Training and Certification Council of Transactional Analysts see Appendix E. A TA 101 course or exam and signature of a Teaching Member are required. Certified Membership is a professional-level voting membership for TA practitioners. This membership is earned by passing written and oral exams administered by the Training and Certification Council after study under a certified Instructor or Supervisor see Appendix E. Certified Members may specialize in clinical organizational or educational areas. Certified Teaching Membership is for advanced professionals who effectively communicate the concepts of TA as instructors and/or effectively oversee the application of TA concepts as supervisors. As in the case of Certified Membership this level of membership is attained by passing an examination administered by the Training and Certification Council. During the late 1980s in response to the rapid international growth of TA the ITAA initiated a policy of affiliation with the aim of linking 297

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TA Today services with other TA organizations around the world. The European Association for Transactional Analysis affiliated with ITAA in 1989. This was followed in 1990 by the affiliation of the Canadian Association for Transactional Analysis and the Institute for Counseling and Transactional Analysis of Kerala India. At the present date March 1991 negotiations are in progress with T A organizations in Brazil New Zealand and the USA. Further information on the ITA A may be obtained from: ITAA 450 Pacific Avenue Suite 250 San Francisco California 94133-4640 USA. The European Association for Transactional Analysis EAT A is a non-profit association within Swiss law. In structure it is a federation of affiliated European national and regional TA associations with a central secretariat and elected Council. Membership in EAT A is conferred automatically on all members of EATA-affiliated associations. EATA membership in turn confers membership in ITAA at the corresponding membership level. People who do not reside in Europe and those who live in countries where there is as yet no EATA-affiliated association may contact EATA regarding individual membership. For further information contact: Executive Secretary EATA Les Toitsde 1" Aun e Bat. E 3. rue Hugo-Ely 13090 Aix-en-Provence France. National Associations We do not give contact addresses for the worlds numerous national or regional TA associations because these addresses change at frequent intervals with changes in the elected officials of the organizations. The only exception known to us at this time is Britains ITA which has a permanent box-number address: BM Box 4104 London WC1 3XX. For the current contact addresses of other associations direct enquiries to EAT A for organizations in Europe or ITAA worldwide. Following is a list of the countries in each continent which according to ITAA and EATA records have active national or regional TA associations at March 1991. Some countries may have more than one association. Europe: Austria Belgium Denmark Finland France Italy Netherlands Norway Portugal Spain Sweden Switzerland United Kingdom West Germany Yugoslavia. In each of these countries there is at least one association which is affiliated with EATA. North America: Canada USA. Central and South America: Argentina Brazil Dominican Republic Mexico Peru. Puerto Rico Venezuela. Asia: India Japan. Australasia: Australia New Zealand. Africa: South Africa. 298

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Appendix E Revised March 1991 TRAINING AND ACCREDITATION IN TA At the present dale March 1991 there are two organizations ottering internationally-recognized training and accreditation in TA. These are the International Transactional Analysis Association ITAA and the European Association for Transactional Analysis F.ATA. The ITAAs training and certification operations are managed by the Training and Certification Council of Transactional Analysts T C Council which is an independent certifying and standard-setting body founded by and closely linked to ITAA. Within the T C Council training matters arc the responsibility of the Training Standards Committee TSC while examination and certification are handled by the Board of Certification BOC. In EATA corresponding duties are performed by Professional Training Standards Committee PTSC and the Commission of Certification COC respectively. By an Agreement of Mutual Recognition between BOC and COC signed in August 1986 both bodies recognize BOC as the world credentialing authority while COC is recognized as the credentialing authority for Europe. The effect of this is that all credentials extended by one body are recognized by the other. The training and examination procedures laid down by both bodies are virtually identical. The details given in the remaining sections of this Appendix are extracted from the 1989 revision of the ITAA Training and Certification Manual. However they apply also to EATA arrangements with only minor modification except where otherwise stated by notes in italic type. Purposes of training and certification The purposes of the international training and certification programs are: to ensure there will be competent ethical practitioners of TA for individuals and organizations desiring help to support the development clarification simplification and evaluation of T A theory and methods to promote competency-based evaluation of TA professionals: and to promote contractual application of TA in all areas of use. Professional credentials may be obtained for the application of transactional analysis and for teaching and training others in TA in three areas of specialization at the present time: 1 Clinical 2 Educational and 3 Organizational. EATA currently offers a fourth specialization 299

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TA Today Counseling. Certified Membership is available to individuals who have received training and supervision and have been certified by certifying boards recognized by ITAA EATA as competent to practice TA in their area of specialization. Membership as a Certified Teaching Member is available to individuals who have been certified as competent to teach T A Instructor and to supervise others in the application of TA Supervisor. What is involved in TA training and certification The steps in the training process for persons in ITA A EATA who wish to become Certified Transactional Analysts are: 1. Taking the TA 101 Course or Written Examination 2. Becoming a Regular Member in ITAA EATA 3. Signing a Training Contract with a Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst or Provisional Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst in the area of specialization in which they wish to train 4. Training and supervision to meet the eligibility requirements for examination by the BOC COC 5. Passing the BOC COC Level I examination and 6. Applying for and paying dues for Certified Transactional Analyst membership. For those individuals interested in being certified as a T A trainer and becoming a Certified Teaching Member of ITAA EATA they may choose to be certified as an Instructor to teach TA and/or Supervisor to supervise others in the application of TA. The title "Provisional Teaching and/or Supervising Transactional Analyst" is used to designate persons in this phase of training. The steps in the training process are: 1. Becoming a Certified Transactional Analyst Member of ITAA EATA in the area of specialization in which they wish to train others 2. Attending an official Training Endorsement Workshop and being approved by the TEW staff to initiate training programs 3. Signing a Training Contract with a primary supervisor who is a Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst in the area of specialization in which they wish to train 4. Training and supervision to meet the eligibility requirements for examination by the BOC COC / 5. Passing the BOC COC Level II examination and 6. Applying and paying dues for Certified Teaching Membership. The TA 101 The TA 101 is the term Eric Berne introduced to designate an introduction to the basic theory and methods of transactional analysis. The numbers 101 ar e typically used in the United States for introductory 300

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Training and Accreditation in TA university courses which provide a broad overview of a topic. The TA 101 Course is a workshop officially recognized by ITAA EATA as an introduction to transactional analysis. The purpose of the 101 Course is to provide consistent and accurate information about TA concepts. In order to qualify as an official TA 101 Course the following requirements must be met: 1 . The instructor must be officially recognized to teach a TA 101 Course — i.e. the instructor must be a Teaching Transactional Analyst or a Provisional Teaching Transactional Analyst. 2. The course must include the content specified in the official TA 101 Outline. Authors note: the 1984 version of the Outline which is the current version to date is given in Appendix F. 3. The course must be at least 12 hours in length. It may also be presented in various formats over various periods of time which may be longer than 12 hours e.g. a weekend or several weeks and include experiential exercises. The TA 101 Written Examination was introduced as an alternative to taking a course or workshop in order to respond to the growing number of persons around the world who had an adequate knowledge of the basic principles of TA but were unable to attend an official TA 101 Course. Such students may take the Written Examination and have it graded by a qualified teacher. If they pass they will be eligible for entry to membership and training as though they had attended a T A 101 Course. Requirements for advanced membership The following is a summary of the requirements for training and supervision laid down for accreditation at Level I and Level II referred to above at heading 4 in the respective lists of steps in the training process. Level I: the minimum training period is eighteen months. However the emphasis is upon sufficiency of training for the attainment of competence and most trainees can expect their training to last considerably longer than the minimum. In this period the trainee must fulfil the at least the following requirements: 250 hours advanced TA training a further 350 hours advanced training relevant to the field of specialization which may include training in T A or other modalities 150 hours supervision of the trainees application of TA in the field of specialization seminar participation and presentations and 1500 hours experience which must include at least 500 hours application of TA in the field of specialization. Though no minimum hours requirement is laid down for personal therapy it is expected to be an integral part of training. Accreditation for Level I entails passing a written and an oral examination. The written examination must be passed before the candidate can go on to the oral examination. The latter is taken before a 301

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TA Today board of Advanced Members and focuses principally on the examination of audio- or videotaped samples of the candidates work. Level II: for certification as Instructor the candidate must have taught a T A 101 course under the supervision of a Teaching Member and must have completed: 300 hours teaching in the field of specialization 100 hours" continuing education 12 hours presentations at national or international conferences and 50 hours supervision of the candidates teaching. Certification as Supervisor requires completion of: 500 hours experience supervising in the field of specialization 50 hours supervision of the candidates supervision and 35 hours attendance at a course approved by BO C COC in ethics supervision and training currently a TEW . The oral examination for Level II is taken before a board of Teaching Members. It comprises three parts covering: Theory Organization and Ethics Teaching and for Supervisor candidates only Supervision. Contact addresses For further information on training and accreditation contact either: ITAA 450 Pacific Avenue Suite 250 San Francisco California 94133- 4640 USA. Executive Secretary EATA Les Toits de lAune Bat. E 3 rue Hugo- Ely 13090 Aix-en-Provence France. The ITAA T C Council Training and Certification Manual is available from Credentials Department ITAA. at the address above. Price as at March 1996 is 30.00 including shipping. The EATA Training and Examination Handbook is available from EATA Handbook Orders Old School House Kingston-on-Soar Nottingham NG11 ODE England. Price as at March 1996 is £15.00 including postage. 302

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Appendix F TA 101 COURSE OUTLINE Following is the course outline for the TA 101 as issued by ITAA. It is the September 1984 revision the current version to date March 1991. Numbers added in brackets and italic type indicate the principal chapter or chapters of TA Today in which each topic is covered. I. STATEMENT OF THE PURPOSE OF THE TA 101 COURSE Appx. E II. DEFINITION AND PHILOSOPHY OF T A AND ITS AREA S OF APPLICATION I 27 a. Definition of transactional analysis I b. Philosophical assumptions I 27 c. Contractual method / 26 d. Areas of application — differences in process 28 29 Appx. E 1. Clinical 28 2. Educational 29 3. Organizational 29 4. Other 1 Appx. E III. BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE DEVELOPMENT OF TA 30 a. Eric Berne 30 1. Who was Eric Berne 30 2. Development of ideas 30 3. Books written by him 30 Appx. A b. Growth of TA 30 1. San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminar 30 2. International Transactional Analysis Association ITAA 30 Appx. D Appx. E 3. Regional and national TA associations 30 Appx. D Appx. E IV. STRUCTURAL ANALYSIS Part II a. Definition of ego-states 2 b. Recognition and diagnosis of ego-states 5 c. Behavioral descriptions i.e. Critical Parent Nurturing Parent Adult Free Child Adapted Child 3 d. Contamination and exclusion 6 303

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TA Today 304 V. TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS PROPER Pari III Parr V a. Transactions 7 1. Definition of a transaction 7 2. Types of transactions 7 3. Rules of communication 7 b. Strokes 8 1. Definition of strokes 8 2. Stimulus and recognition hunger 8 3. Types of strokes 8 c. Discounts 17 18 1. Definitions of discounts behavior or internal process 8 17 2. Levels of discounts 18 3. Reasons for discounting 17 18 19 20 d. Social time structuring 9 1. Structure hunger 9 2. Six ways of structuring time 9 VI. GAME ANALYSIS 23 24 25 a. Definitions of games 23 b. Reasons for playing games 24 c. Advantages of games 24 d. Examples of games 23 e. Degrees of games 23 f. Ways of diagramming games 23 24 1. Transactional diagram 23 2. Formula G 23 3. Drama Triangle 23 VII. RACKET ANALYSIS 21 22 a. Significance of internal intrapsychic processes 22 b. Definitions of rackets and trading stamps 21 22 c. Relationship of rackets to transactions games and script 21 22 VIII. SCRIPT ANALYSIS Part IV a. Life positions 12 1. Definition of life positions 12 2. The four life positions 12 3. Relationship of life positions to games and scripts 12 16 24 b. Script Part IV 1. Definitions of script 10 2. Origin of script in childs experiences 10 12 13 14 3. Process of script development e.g. injunctions counter- injunctions early decisions attributions 10 13 14

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Course Outline of the Official 101 4. Changing scripts Part VII Autonomy 27 1. Awareness 27 2. Spontaneity 27 3. Capacity for intimacy 9 27 305

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NOTES AND REFERENCES Chapter 1: WHAT TA IS 1. This definition is on the page headed The ITAA in each issue of the Transactional Analysis Journal. 2. On the philosophy and basic concepts of TA see: Berne E. Principles of group treatment. New York: Oxford University Press 1966 other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966 chapter 10. James M. ed. Techniques in transactional analysis for psychotherapists and counselors. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1977 chapter 3. James M. and Jongeward D. Born to win: transactional analysis with gestalt experiments. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1971 other editions include: New York: Signet 1978 chapter 1. Steiner C Scripts people live: transactional analysis of life scripts. New York: Grove Press 1974 introduction. Woollams S. and Brown M. Transactional analysis. Dexter: Huron Valley Institute 1978 chapter 1. Chapter 2: THE EGO-STATE MODEL 1. On the nature and definition of ego-states see: Berne E. Intuition and ego states. McCormick P. ed.. San Francisco: TA Press 1977 chapter 6. Berne E. Transactional analysis in psychotherapy. New York: Grove Press 1961 1966 chapter 2. Berne E. Games people play. New York: Grove Press 1964 other editions include: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1968 chapter 1. Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 10. Berne E. Sex in human loving. New York: Simon and Schuster 1970 other editions: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1973 chapter 4. Berne E. What do you say after you say hello New York: Grove Press 1972 other editions: London: Corgi 1975 chapter 2. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 2. 2. Berne gave several different definitions of ego-state at various points in his writings. This one is from Principles of group treatment. Berne does not use the word thinking in defining ego-states but the context makes it clear that thinking is to be regarded as part of experience. 306

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Notes and References 3. For a book-length exposition of the empirical study of ego-state clues and many other aspects of TA see: Steere D. Bodily expressions in psychotherapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel 1982. See also the following journal articles: Falkowski W. Ben-Tovim D. and Bland J. The assessment of the ego-states. British Journal of Psychiatry 137 1980 572-3. Gilmour J. Psychophysiological evidence for the existence of ego- states. TAJ 11 3 1981 207-12. Williams J. et al Construct validity of transactional analysis ego- states. TAJ 13 1 1983 43-9. 4. For Bernes explanation of the difference between ego-states and the three Freudian constructs see the chapters cited above in Intuition and ego-states and Principles of group treatment. See also: Drye R. The best of both worlds: a psychoanalyst looks at TA . In: Barnes G. ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne: teachings and practices of three TA schools. New York: Harpers College Press 1977 chapter 20. Drye R. Psychoanalysis and TA. In: James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 11. Chapter 3: FUNCTIONAL ANALYSIS OF EGO-STATES 1. On functional analysis see: Abell R. Own your own life. New York: David McKay Co. 1976. Berne E. The structure and dynamics of organizations and groups. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott Co. 1963 other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966 and New York: Ballantine 1973 chapter 9. Dusay J. Egograms. New York: Harper and Row 1977 other editions: New York: Bantam 1980 chapter 1. Kahler T. Transactional analysis revisited. Little Rock: Human Development Publications 1978 chapter 1. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 2. 2. On the egogram see: Dusay Egograms all chapters. See also: Dusay J. Egograms and the constancy hypothesis. TAJ 2 3 1972 37-42. Dusay reserves the term egogram for a bar-chart analysis of a persons functional ego-states which is carried out by someone else. If I do the same analysis on myself then in Dusays terminology the result would be a psychogram. We have preferred to simplify by using the word egogram for both these concepts. Chapter 4: THE SECOND-ORDER STRUCTURAL MODEL 1. Basic versions of the second-order structural model are given in most of the references listed at note 1 for Chapter 2. See also: 307

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TA Today Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapters 16 and 17. Schiff i.etal. The Cathexis reader: transactional analysis treatment of psychosis. New York: Harper and Row 1975 chapter 3. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 2. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 2. For more advanced treatment see the following: Drego P. Ego-state models. TASI Darshan I 4 1981. Drego P. Towards the illumined child. Bombay: Grail 1979. Erskine R. A structural analysis of ego. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 2. Hohmuth A. and Gormly A. Ego-state models and personality structure. TAJ 12 2 1982 140-3. Holloway W. Transactional analysis: an integrative view. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 11. Trautmann R. and Erskine R. Ego-state analysis: a comparative view. TAJ 11 2 1981 178-85. Summerton O. Advanced ego-state theory. TASI Darshan 2 4 1982. 2. English F. What shall I do tomorrow Reconceptualizing transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 15. 3. For a lead into the general literature on child development try: Donaldson M. Childrens minds. London: Fontana 1978. Rather than attempt the daunting task of reading Piaget in the original you may wish to look at one of the many summarized interpretations of his theories e.g.: Maier H. Three theories of child development. New York: Harper and Row 1969. Erik Eriksons account of the childs emotional development is presented in: Erikson E. Childhood and society. New York: W.W. Norton 1950. See also Mahler M.S. The psychological birth of the human infant. New York: Basic Books 1975. For interpretations of child development within a T A framework see the article by Fanita English cited at note 2 for this Chapter see also: Levin P. Becoming the way we are. Berkeley: Levin 1974. Levin P. The cycle of development. TAJ 12 2 1982 129-39. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 4. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 6. 4. Joines V. Differentiating structural and functional. TAJ 6 4 1976 377-80. See also Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 1. Chapter 5: RECOGNIZING EGO-STATES I. For the four ways of ego-state diagnosis see: 308

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Notes and References Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 7. Berne Structure and dynamics of organizations and groups chapter 309 James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 4. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 2. See also the book by David Steere Bodily expressions in psychotherapy cited at note 3 for Chapter 2. 2. On Bernes energy theory see: Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 3 and Principles of group treatment chapter 13. See also: Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 4. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 3. Chapter 6: STRUCTURAL PATHOLOGY 1. Regarding structural pathology see: Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 4. Erskine R. and Zalcman M. The racket system: a model for racket analysis. TAJ 9 1 1979 51-9. Harris T. Im OK youre OK. New York: Grove Press 1967 chapter 6. James M. and Jongeward D. The people book. Menlo Park: Addison-Wesley 1975 chapter 8. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 9. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 3. 2. For views on the relationship between double contamination and script see: Erskine and Zalcman The racket system... p.53. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 47. 3. Bernes reference to the person with constant Adult as being unable to join in the fun seems inconsistent with his own definition of the Adult. In terms of Bernes original ego-state model the Adult is defined as that set of behaviors thoughts and feelings that are a direct response to the here-and-now. It follows that a person can have fun while in Adult though the activities the person counts as having fun are likely to be different according to whether he is in Adult or in Child. See also: Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 2. Chapter 7: TRANSACTIONS 1. On the analysis of transactions see: Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 9. Berne Games people play chapter 2. Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 10. Berne What do you say... chapter 2. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 2. 9.

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TA Today Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 4. Steiner C Games alcoholics play. New York: Grove Press 1971 chapter 1. 2. Karpman S. Options. TAJ 1 1 1971 79-87. Chapter 8: STROKES 1. On the nature and definition of strokes and hungers see: Berne Games people play Introduction. Berne Sex in human loving chapter 6. Haimowitz M. and Haimowitz N. Suffering is optional. Evanston: Haimowoods Press 1976 chapter 2. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 3. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 22. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 3. 2. Spitz R. Hospitalism: genesis of psychiatric conditions in early childhood. Psychoanalytic studies of the child 1 1945 53-74. 3. Levine S. Stimulation in infancy. Scientific American 202 5 80-6. 4. Steiner C The stroke economy. TAJ 1 3 1971 9-15. 5. McKenna J. Stroking profile. TAJ 4 4 1974 20-4. 6. English F. Strokes in the credit bank for David Kupfer. TAJ 1 3 1971 27-9. 7. Pollitzer J. Is love dangerous Workshop presentation 1980 unpublished. 8. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 16. Chapter 9: TIME STRUCTURING 1. On the modes of time-structuring see: Berne Games people play chapters 3 4 5. Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 10. Berne Sex in human loving chapter 3 and chapter 4. The latter chapter includes Bernes description of the ego-states involved in intimacy. Berne What do you say... chapter 2. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 3. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 5. 2. Boyd L. and Boyd H. Caring and intimacy as a time structure. TAJ 10 4 1980 281-3. Chapter 10: THE NATURE AND ORIGINS OF LIFE-SCRIPT 1. Regarding the nature origins and definition of script see: Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 11. Berne Principles of group treatment chapters 10 and 12. Berne What do you say... chapters 2 3-6 8-10. English F. What shall I do tomorrow Reconceptualizing 310

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Notes and References transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 15. Holloway W. Transactional analysis: an integrative view. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 11. Goulding M. and Goulding R. Changing lives through redecision therapy. New York: Brunner/Maze 1 1979 chapter 2. James and Jongeward Born to win chapters 2 4. Steiner Scripts people live chapters 3 4 5. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 9. 2. Woollams S. From 21 to 43. In: Barnes ed.. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 16. 3. For sources on child development refer to note 3 for Chapter 4. In her work on cycles of development for which she won the Fric Berne Memorial Scientific Award Pam Levin argues that script development does not come to an end with adolescence. Instead the developmental stages are re-cycled throughout the individuals life. Chapter II: HOW THE SCRIPT IS LIVED OUT 1. On the classification of script content and the way script themes arc lived out see: Berne What do you say... chapters 3 11. Steiner Scripts people live chapters 6-12. 2. Woollams S. Cure TAJ 10 2 1980 115-7. 3. Berne What do you say... chapters 14 17. For other views on the physiological aspects of script see also: Cassius J. Body scripts. Memphis: Cassius 1975. Lenhardt V. Bioscripts. In: Stern ed. TA: the state of the art chapter 8. Chapter 12: LIFE POSITIONS 1. On life positions see: Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 12. Berne What do you say... chapter 5. Berne E. Classification of positions. Transactional Analysis Bulletin 1 3 1962 23. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 2. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 5. 2. Ernst F. The OK corral: the grid for get-on-with. TAJ 1 4 1971 231-40. In agreeing that we use his Corral diagram in this book Franklin Ernst asked that we give it his revised subtitle Grid for Whats Happening as in Figure 12.1. 3. Ernst F. The annual Eric Berne memorial scientific award acceptance speech. TAJ 12 1 1982 5-8. 31 1

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TA Today Chapter 13: SCRIPT MESSAGES AND THE SCRIPT MA TRIX 1. For script messages and how they arc communicated see: Berne What do you say... chapter 7. English F. What shall I do tomorrow Reconceptualizing transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 15. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 6. White J. and White T.Cultural scripting. TAJ 5 1 197512-23. Woollams S. From 21 to 43. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 16. 2. Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 5. 3. Steiner C Script and counterscript. TAB 5 18 1966 133-35. For other versions of the script matrix see: Berne What do you say... chapter 15. English F. Sleepy spunky and spooky. TAJ 2 2 1972 64-7. English F. reference quoted at note 1 for this Chapter. Holloway W. Transactional analysis: an integrative view. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 11. James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 4. Woollams S. reference quoted at note 1 for this Chapter. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 9. Chapter 14: INJUNCTIONS AND DECISIONS 1. Goulding R. and Goulding M. New directions in transactional analysis. In Sager and Kaplan eds. Progress in group and family therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel 1972 105-34. See also: Goulding R. and Goulding M. Injunctions decisions and redecisions. TAJ 6 1 1976 41-8. Goulding R. and Goulding M. The power is in the patient. San Francisco: T A Press 1978. Chapters 5 and 16 of this book are reprints of the two articles quoted above. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapters 29. Allen J. and Allen B. Scripts: the role of permission. TAJ 2 2 1972 72-4. 2. English F. Episcript and the "hot potato" game. TAB 8 32 1969 77-82. 3. Berne What do you say... chapter 7. 4. For various versions of the formal script questionnaire see: Berne What do you say... chapter 23. Holloway W. Clinical transactional analysis with use of the life script questionnaire. Aptos: Holloway undated. James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 4. McCormick P. Guide for use of a life-script questionnaire in transactional analysis. San Francisco: Transactional Publications 1971. 312

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Notes and References McCormick P. Taking Occams Razor to the life-script interview. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 5. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 9. Chapter 15: SCRIPT PROCESS 1. Berne Sex in human loving chapter 5. Berne What do you say... chapter 11. 2. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapters 60-65. Chapter 16: DRIVERS AND THE MINISCRIPT 1. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 72. See also: Kahler T. and Capers H. The miniscript. TAJ 4 1 1974 26-42. Note that the version given in Transactional analysis revisited is a revision of the 1974 TAJ article. 2. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapters 60-65 and accompaning Summary. See also: Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 11. Note that the driver-script correspondence given by Woollams and Brown is different from that given by Kahler in the above reference. Whereas Kahler gives the Be Strong driver as corresponding to the Never script and the Try Hard driver as corresponding to the Always script Woollams and Brown reverse this correspondence. 3. Kahler and Capers The miniscript reference given in note 1 above. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapters 68-71. 4. Kahler T. workshop presentation EAT A conference Villars 1984 unpublished. 5. Capers H. and Goodman L. The survival process: clarification of the miniscript. TAJ 13 1 1983 142-8. 6. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapters 73-75 and 78-83. See also: Kahler and Capers The miniscript reference given in note 1 above. Here again the account presented in Transactional analysis revisited is Kahlers revised version of the material in the 1974 article. In our text we have followed Kahlers updated version with one exception: we have retained Kahlers original name stopper for position 2 on the miniscript. Kahler himself in Transactional analysis revisited shifts the name stopper to position 3 while using the term maladaptor for position 2. 7. Kahler Transactional analysis revisited chapter 85. Chapter 17: DISCOUNTING 1. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 2. See also: Mellor K. and Sigmund E. Discounting. TAJ 5 3 1975 295- 302. 313

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TA Today Schiff A. and Schiff J. Passivity - . TAJ 1 1 1971 71-8. 2. This definition of discounting was suggested by Shea Schiff at a workshop presentation unpublished. We think it is more graphic than the definition given on page 14 of Cathexis reader. Discounting is an internal mechanism which involves people minimising or ignoring some aspect of themselves others or the reality situation. Claude Steiner in Scripts people live chapter 9 defines the term discount in a different way as: a crossed transaction in which the discountee emits a stimulus from his Adult ego-state to another persons Adult and that person responds from his Parent or Child. This makes it seem initially as though Steiner is using the word in a much wider sense than the Schiffs. However his examples indicate that he also has in mind a situation in which on e person the one responding from Parent or Child minimises or ignores some aspect of the other person. Chapter 18: THE DISCOUNT MATRIX 1. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 2. See also: Mellor K. and Sigmund E. Discounting TAJ 5 3 1975 295- 302. Chapter 19: FRAME OF REFERENCE AND REDEFINING 1. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 5. See also: Mellor K. and Sigmund E. Redefining. TAJ 5 31975 303-11. 2. This statement of the meaning of redefining is an interpretation made by the present authors. We think it is clearer than the circular definition given in Cathexis reader. Chapter 20: SYMBIOSIS 1. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 2. We have altered the Schiffs definition by one word substituting single person for their whole person. See also: Schiff A. and Schiff J. Passivity. TAJ 1 1 1971 71-8. The diagram showing symbiosis has evolved through various forms. In their 1971 TAJ article the Schiffs depict it only by using dotted-line and solid boundaries for the ego-state circles. In Cathexis reader they add arrows running between the active ego-states in the two parties. The version of the diagram commonly used in current literature with an envelope drawn round the active ego-states as in Figure 20.1 makes its first published appearance in the article by Woollams and Huige cited in note 2 below. 2. Woollams S. and Huige K. Normal dependency and symbiosis. TAJ 7 3 1977 217-20. 3. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 4. See also: 314

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Notes and References Schiff S.. Personality development and symbiosis". TAJ 7 4 1977. 310-6. Chapter 21: RACKETS AND STAMPS 1. On the nature and functions of rackets see: Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 13. Berne What do you say... chapter 8. English. F. references given at notes 2 and 3 below. Ernst F. Psychological rackets in the OK corral. TAJ 3 2 1973 19-23. Erskine R. and Zalcman M. The racket system: a model for racket analysis. TAJ 9 1 1979 51-9. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapters 2 6. Joines V. Similarities and differences in rackets and games. TAJ 12 4 1982 280-3. Zalcman M. Game analysis and racket analysis. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 4. 2. English F. The substitution factor: rackets and real feelings. TAJ 1 4 1971 225-30. English F. Rackets and real feelings Part IF. TAJ 2 1 1972 23- 5. 3. Thomson G. Fear anger and sadness. TAJ 13 1 1983 20-4. 4. English F. Racketeering. TAJ 6 1 1976 78-81. English F. Differentiating victims in the Drama Triangle. TAJ 6 4 1976 384-6. 5. Berne E. Trading stamps. TAB 3 10 127. Berne What do you say... chapter 8. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 8. Chapter 22: THE RACKET SYSTEM 1. Erskine R. and Zalcman M. The racket system: a model for racket analysis. TAJ 9 1 1979 51-9. 2. The exercises in this chapter were devised originally by M. Zalcman workshop presentations unpublished. They are given here in modified versions developed by I. Stewart A. Lee and K. Brown workshop presentations unpublished. Chapter 23: GAMES AND GAME ANAL YSIS 1. On the nature of games see: Berne Intuition and ego-stales chapter 7. Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 10. Berne Games people play chapter 5. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapter 2. 315

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TA Today James and Jongeward Born to win chapters 2 8. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 8. 2. There is no consensus in TA literature on whether a game in the singular is to be defined as a sequence of moves engaged in by one person or as a sequence of interlocking moves and counter-moves made by two or more people. Berne appeared to favor the latter definition by implication but he was not consistent. In this book we follow the alternative account favored by the Gouldings and define a game singular as being a sequence played out by one person. Thus when two people engage in game-playing each person is playing his or her own game and the two games interlock. This has implications also for the meaning of the Switch. Given that you and T are each playing our own game you cannot pull a Switch on me. That is to say: it is not possible for you to pull the Switch in my game. Instead you can pull the Switch in your game and expect me to respond to your move by pulling the Switch in my own game. 3. Berne Games people play chapter 5. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 1. 4. Berne What do you say... chapter 2. The version of Formula G given in this reference is Bernes final revision. See also references in note 9 for this Chapter. 5. Karpman S. Fairy tales and script drama analysis. TAB 7 26 1968 39-43. 6. Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 10. Berne Games people play chapter 5. 7. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapter 2 and page 79 for diagram. 8. James J. The game plan. TAJ 3 4 1973 14-7. The modified version given here was developed by L. Collinson workshop presentation unpublished. 9. Regarding the definition of games see: Joines V. Similarities and differences in rackets and games. TAJ 12 4 1982 280-3. Zalcman M. Game analysis and racket analysis. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 4. Chapter 24: WHY PEOPLE PL A Y GAMES 1. Berne Games people play chapter 5. Berne What do you say... chapter 8. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 8. Steiner Scripts people live chapter 1. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 8. 2. Schiff et al. Cathexis reader chapter 2. 316

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Notes and References 3. English F. Racketeering. TAJ 6 1 1976 78-81. 4. Berne Games people play chapter 5. 5. James J. Positive payoffs after games. 7717 6 3 1976 259-62. Chapter 25: HOW TO DEAL WITH GAMES 1. Berne Games people play chapters 6-12 and Index of Games. 2. We do not know of any formally-named games which have a P — R or V — R Switch. As an alternative to classifying games on the basis of their Drama Triangle shifts they may be classified in terms of the life position they reinforce. 3. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapter 4. 4. James J. Positive payoffs after games. TAJ 6 3 1976 259-62. 5. Woollams S.Whe n fewer strokes are better. 77631976270-1. Chapter 26: CONTRACTS FOR CHANGE 1. On the nature and function of contracts see: Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 4 and Glossary. James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 5. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 9. Gouldings Changing lives through redecision therapy chapter 4. Steiner Scripts people live Introduction and chapter 20. Woollams and Brown Transactional analysis chapter 12. 2. James M. Self-reparenting. Workshop presentation EATA conference 1985 unpublished. The modified version given here has been developed by I. Stewart workshop presentations 1986 unpublished. See also: James M. Its never too late to be happy. Reading: Addison- Wesley 1985 chapter 7. Chapter 27: AIMS OF CHANGE IN TA 1. For views on autonomy see: Berne Games people play chapters 16 17. Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 13. James and Jongeward Born to win chapter 10. Steiner Scripts people live chapters 26 27 28. 2. Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 16. See also: James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 4. 3. Berne Transactional analysis in psychotherapy chapter 14. Berne Principles of group treatment chapter 12. Berne What do you say... chapter 18. 4. TAJ 10 2 1980. 5. Nelson Portia Autobiography in five short chapters. In: Black Claudia Repeat after me. Denver: M.A.C. Printing and Publications 1985. 317

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TA Today Chapter 28: TA THERAPY 1. James M. Self-reparenting: theory and process. TAJ 4 3 1974 32-9. See also: James ML Its never too late to be happy. Reading: Addison- Wesley 1985. 2. Regarding the three schools of TA see: Barnes G. Introduction. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 1. See also the three papers which follow Barness in the same book. They are by leading figures in the classical Cathexis and redecision schools respectively: Dusay J. The evolution of transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. op. cit. chapter 2. Schiff J. One hundred children generate a lot of TA. In: Barnes ed. op. cit. chapter 3. Goulding R. No magic at Mt. Madonna: redecisions in marathon therapy. In: Barnes ed. op. cit. chapter 4. 3. Grossman P. Permission and protection. TAB 5 19 1966 152-4. Chapter 29: TA IN ORGANIZATIONS AND EDUCATION 1. For an overview of the differences between fields of application of TA see: Clarke J. Differences between special fields and clinical groups. TAJ 11 21981169-70. The term special fields was at one time used by ITA A to designate fields of application other than clinical but this usage has been discontinued. 2. On organizational applications of TA see: Barker D. TA and training. London: Gower 1980. Blakeney R. Organizational cure or organizational effectiveness. TAJ 10 2 1980 154-7. James M. The OK boss. Reading: Addison-Wcsley 1976. Jongeward D. Everybody wins: TA applied to organizations. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1973. Jongeward D. and Blakeney R. Guidelines for organizational applications of transactional analysis. TAJ 9 3 174-8. 3. Regarding educational applications see: Ernst K. Games students play. Millbrae: Celestial Arts 1972. Hesterley O. Cure in the classroom. TAJ 10 2 1980 158-9. James M. and Jongeward D. The people book: transactional analysis for students. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1975. Stapledon R. De-gaming teaching and learning. Statesboro: Effective Learning Publications 1979. 318

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Notes and References Chapter 30: HOW TA HAS DEVELOPED 1. This outline of Bernes life history has been based principally on: Cheney W. Eric Berne: biographical sketch. TAJ 1 1 1971 14- 22. Material was also drawn from: Dusay J. The evolution of transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 2. Hostie R. Eric Berne in search of ego-states. In: Stern ed. TA: the state of the art chapter 2. James M. Eric Berne the development of TA and the ITAA . In: James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 2. 2. Cranmer R. Eric Berne: annotated bibliography. TAJ 1 1 1971 23-9. 3. Schiff J. One hundred children generate a lot of TA. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 3. 4. This sketch of the development of ITAA has been traced from the articles by Cheney Dusay and James cited at note 1 above. 5. Membership numbers for ITAA between 1971 and 1980 have been taken from a graph quoted by McNeel J. Letter from the editor. TAJ 11 1 1981 4. Numbers for later years are as quoted on the page headed The ITAA in each issue of the TAJ. 6. Allaway J. Transactional analysis in Britain: the beginnings. Transactions 1 1 1983 5-10. 7. The script May-June 1987 page 7. 31M

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BIBLIOGRAPHY Abell R. Own your own life. New York: David McKay Co. 1976. Allen J. and Allen B. Scripts: the role of permission. Transactional Analysis Journal 2 2 1972 72-4. Allaway J. Transactional analysis in Britain: the beginnings. Transactions 1 1 1983 5-10. Barker D. TA and training. London: Gower 1980. Barnes G. ed Transactional analysis after Eric Berne: teachings and practices of three TA schools. New York: Harpers College Press 1977. Barnes G. Introduction. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 1. Blakeney R. Organizational cure or organizational effectiveness. TAJ 10 2 1980 154-7. Berne E. A laymans guide to psychiatry and psychoanalysis. New York: Simon and Schuster 1957 third edition published 1968. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1957 and Harmondsworth: Penguin 1971 Berne E. Transactional analysis in psychotherapy. New York: Grove Press 1961 1966. Berne E. Classification of positions. Transactional Analysis Bulletin 1 3 1962 23. Berne E. The structure and dynamics of organizations and groups. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott Co. 1963. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966 and New York: Ballantine 1973. Berne E. Trading stamps. TAB 3 10 1964 127. Berne E. Games people play. New York: Grove Press 1964. Other editions include: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1968. Berne E. Principles of group treatment. New York: Oxford University Press 1966. Other editions: New York: Grove Press 1966. Berne E. Sex in human loving. New York: Simon and Schuster 1970. Other editions: Harmondsworth: Penguin 1973. Berne E. What do you say after you say hello New York: Grove Press 1972. Other editions: London: Corgi 1975. 320

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Bibliography 321 Berne E. Intuition and ego states. McCormick P. ed.. San Francisco: T A Press 1977. Boyd L. and Boyd H. Caring and intimacy as a time structure. TAJ 10 4 1980 281-3. Capers H. and Goodman L. The survival process: clarification of the miniscript. TAJ 13 1 1983 142-8. Cassius J. Body scripts. Memphis: Cassius 1975. Cheney W. Eric Berne: biographical sketch. TAJ 1 1 1971 14-22. Cranmer. R. Eric Berne: annotated bibliography. TAJ 1 11971 23- 9. Crossman P. Permission and protection. TAB 5 19 1966 152-4. Donaldson M. Childrens minds. London: Fontana 1978. Drego P. Towards the illumined child. Bombay: Grail 1979. Drego P. Ego-state models. TASI Darshan 1 4 1981. Drye R. Psychoanalysis and TA. In: James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 11. Drye R. The best of both worlds: a psychoanalyst looks at TA. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 20. Dusay J. Egograms and the constancy hypothesis. TAJ 2 3 1972 37-42. Dusay J. Egograms. New York: Harper andRow 1977. Other editions: New York: Bantam 1980. Dusay J. The evolution of transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 2. English F. Episcript and the "hot potato" game. TAB 8 32196977- 82. English F. Strokes in the credit bank for David Kupfer. TAJ 1 3 1971 27-9. English F. The substitution factor: rackets and real feelings. TAJ 1 4 1971 225-30. English F. Rackets and real feelings Part II. TAJ 2 1 1972 23-5. English F. Sleepy spunky and spooky. TAJ 2 2 1972 64-7. English F.. Racketeering. TAJ 6 1 1976 78-81.

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TA Today English F Differentiating victims in the Drama Triangle. TAJ 6 4 1976 384-6. English F. What shall I do tomorrow Reconceptualizing transactional analysis. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 15. Erikson E. Childhood and society. New York: W.W. Norton 1950. Ernst F. The OK corral: the grid for get-on-with. TAJ 1 4 1971 231- 40. Ernst F. Psychological rackets in the OK corral. TAJ 3 2 1973 19- 23. Ernst F. The annual Eric Berne memorial scientific award acceptance speech. TAJ 12 1 1982 5-8. Ernst K. Games students play. Millbrae: Celestial Arts 1972. Erskine R. A structural analysis of ego. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 2. Erskine R. and Zalcman M. The racket system: a model for racket analysis. TAJ 9 1 1979 51-9. Falkowski W. Ben-Tovim D. and Bland J. Assessment of the ego- states. British Journal of Psychiatry 137 1980 572-3. Gilmour J. Psychophysiological evidence for the existence of ego- states. TAJ 11 3 1981 207-12. Goulding M. and Goulding R. Changing lives through redecision therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel 1979. Goulding R. No magic at Mt. Madonna: redecisions in marathon therapy. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 4. Goulding R. and Goulding M. New directions in transactional analysis. In Sagcr and Kaplan eds. Progress in group and family therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel 1972 105-34. Goulding R. and Goulding M. Injunctions decisions and redecisions. TAJ 6 1 1976 41-8. Goulding R. and Goulding M. The power is in the patient. San Francisco: TA Press 1978. Haimowitz M. and Haimowitz N. Suffering is optional. Evanston: Ffaimowoods Press 1976. Harris T. Im OK youre OK. New York: Grove Press 1967. 322

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Bibliography 323 Hesterley O. Cure in the classroom. TAJ 10 2 1980 158-9. Hohmuth A. and Gormly A. Ego-state models and personality structure. TAJ 12 2 1982 140-3. Holloway W. Transactional analysis: an integrative view. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 11. Holloway W. Clinical transactional analysis with use of the life script questionnaire. Aptos: Holloway undated. Hostie R. Eric Berne in search of ego-states. In: Stern ed. TA: the state of the art chapter 2. James J. The game plan. TAJ 3 4 1973 14-7. James J. Positive payoffs after games. TAJ 6 3 1976 259-62. James M. Self-rcparenting: theory and process. TAJ 4 3 1974 32-9. James M. The OK boss. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1976. James M. ed Techniques in transactional analysis for psychotherapists and counselors. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1977. James M. Eric Berne the development of TA and the ITAA. In: James ed. Techniques in transactional analysis... chapter 2. James M. Its never too late to be happy. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1985. James M. and Jongeward D. Born to win: transactional analysis with gestalt experiments. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1971. Other editions include: New York: Signet 1978. James M.. and Jongeward D. The people book: transactional analysis for students. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1975. Joines V. Differentiating structural and functional. TAJ 6 4 1976 377-80. Joines V. Similarities and differences in rackets and games. TAJ 12 4 1982 280-3. Jongeward D. Everybody wins: TA applied to organizations. Reading: Addison-Wesley 1973. Jongeward D. and Blakeney R. Guidelines for organizational applications of transactional analysis. TAJ 9 3 174-8. Kahler T. with Capers H. The miniscript. TAJ 4 1 1974 26-42. Kahler T. Transactional analysis revisited. Little Rock: Human Development Publications 1978.

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TA Today Karpman S. Fairy tales and script drama analysis. TAB 7 26 1968 39-43. Karpman S. Options. TAJ 1 1 1971 79-87. Lenhardt V. Bioscripts. In: Stern ed. TA: thestate oftheart chapter 8. Levin P. Becoming the way we are. Berkeley: Levin 1974. Levin P. The cycle of development. TAJ 12 2 1982 129-39. Levine S. Stimulation in infancy. Scientific American 202 5 1960 80-6. Mahler M.S. The psychological birth of the human infant. New York: Basic Books 1.975. Maier H. Three theories of child development. New York: Harper and Row 1969. McCormick P. Guide for use of a life-script questionnaire in transactional analysis. San Francisco: Transactional Publications 1971. McCormick P. Taking Occams Razor to the life-script interview. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 5. McKenna J. Stroking profile. TAJ 4 4 1974 20-4. Mellor K. and Sigmund E. Discounting. TAJ 5 3 1975 295-302. Mellor K. and Sigmund E. Redefining. TAJ 5 3 1975 303-11. Nelson Portia Autobiography in five short chapters. In: Black Claudia Repeat after me. Denver: M.A.C. Printing and Publications 1985. Schiff A. and Schiff J. Passivity. TAJ 1 1 1971 71-8. Schiff J. One hundred children generate a lot of TA . In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 3. Schiff J. et al. The Cathexis reader: transactional analysis treatment of psychosis. New York: Harper and Row 1975. Schiff S. Personality development and symbiosis. TAJ 7 41977310- 6. Spitz R. Hospitalism: genesis of psychiatric conditions in early childhood. Psychoanalytic studies of the child 1 1945 53-74. Stapledon R. De-gaming teaching and learning. Statesboro: Effective Learning Publications 1979. 324

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Bibliography Steere D. Bodily expressions in psychotherapy. New York: Brunner/ Mazel 1982. Steiner C Script and counterscript. TAB 5 18 1966 133-35. Steiner C The stroke economy. TAJ 1 3 1971 9-15. Steiner C Games alcoholics play. New York: Grove Press 1971. Steiner C Scripts people live: transactional analysis of life scripts. New York: Grove Press 1974. Stern E. ed TA: the state of the art. Dordrecht: Foris Publications 1984. Summerton O. Advanced ego-state theory. TASI Darshan 2 41982. Thomson G. Fear anger and sadness. TAJ 13 1 1983 20-4. Trautmann R. and Erskine R. Ego-state analysis: a comparative view". TAJ 11 2 1981 178-85. White J. and White T. Cultural scripting. TAJ 5 1 1975 12-23. Williams J. et al. Construct validity of transactional analysis ego- states. TAJ 13 1 1983 43-9. Woollams S. When fewer strokes are better. TAJ 6 3 1976 270-1. Woollams S. From 21 to 43. In: Barnes ed. Transactional analysis after Eric Berne chapter 16. Woollams S. Cure TAJ 10 2 1980. 115-7. Woollams S. and Brown M. Transactional analysis. Dexter: Huron Valley Institute 1978. Woollams S. and Huige K. Normal dependency and symbiosis. TAJ 7 3 1977 217-20. Zalcman M. Game analysis and racket analysis. Keynote speeches delivered at the EATA conference July 1986. Geneva: EATA 1987 speech 4. 325

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GLOSSARY A: same as Adult in the Child. A 2 : same as Adult ego-state. A 3 : part of the second-order structure of the Parent representing Adult content introjected from a parent or parent-figure. ACTIVITY: mode of time-structuring in which those concerned have the objective of achieving an overtly agreed goal as opposed to merely talking about it. ADAPTE D CHILD: a subdivision of the Child in the functional model indicating how the individual may use this ego-state in conforming to rules or societal demands. ADUL T EGO-STATE: a set of behaviors thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here-and-now not copied from parents or parent-figures nor replayed from the individuals own childhood. ADUL T IN THE CHTLD: part of the second-order structure of the Child representing the young childs strategies for reality-testing and problem-solving. AFTE R SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: If something good happens today Ill have to pay for it tomorrow. AGITATION : the passive behavior in which the person directs energy into repetitive purposeless activity instead of into problem-solving. ALLOWER : the positive converse of a driver. ALMOS T SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: I almost make it but not quite. ALWAY S SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: I must always stay with the same unsatisfactory situation. ANGULA R TRANSACTION: an ulterior transaction involving three ego-states. ANTISCRIPT: part of the script which a person has turned around to its opposite following the opposite instead of the original message. AREA : of discounting whether discounting relates to self others or the situation. ATTRIBUTION : a script message which entails the parents telling the child what he is. AUTHENTI C FEELING: the original uncensored feeling which the individual in childhood learned to cover with a racket feeling. AUTONOMY : that quality which is manifested by the release or recovery of three capacities: awareness spontaneity and intimacy any 326

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Glossary behavior thinking or feeling which is a response to here-and-now reality rather than a response to script beliefs. AWARENESS : the capacity to experience pure sensual impressions in the manner of a new-born infant without interpretation. BANAL. SCRIPT: same as non-winning script. BASIC POSITION: same as life position. BEHAVIORA L DIAGNOSIS: judgment of which ego-state an individual is in by observation of that individuals behavior. BLAMER : the third position on the miniscript reflecting the life position I + U-. BLOCKIN G TRANSACTION: a transaction in which the purpose of raising an issue is avoided by disagreeing about the definition of the issue. Q : same as Child in the Child. C 2 : same as Child ego-state. C 3 : part of the second-order structure of the Parent representing Child content introjected from a parent or parent-figure. CATHEXIS : in energy theory theoretical construct representing psychic energy postulated by Berne to explain shifts between ego-states as proper name name of institute founded by the Schiffs and of the school of TA which uses their approach. CHIL D EGO-STATE: a set of behaviors thoughts and feelings which are replayed from the individuals own childhood — i.e. an archaic ego- state. CHIL D IN TH E CHILD: part of the second-order structure of the Child representing stored memories of experiences from earlier stages of the childs own development. COMPLEMENTAR Y TRANSACTION: a transaction in which the transactional vectors are parallel and the ego-state addressed is the one which responds. CON: a transactional stimulus which on the psychological level conveys an invitation into gamc-playing. CONDITIONA L STROKE: a stroke relating to what the individual does. CONSTANC Y HYPOTHESIS: of egograms the hypothesis that when one ego-state increases in intensity another or others must decrease in order to compensate the shift in psychic energy occurring so that the total amount of energy may remain constant. CONSTANT : of ego-states same as excluding. CONTAMINATION : part of the content of the Child or Parent ego- states which the individual mistakes for Adult content. CONTENT : of ego-states the stored memories and strategies that are classified as belonging in the different ego-states or subdivisions of ego- states in the structural model — i.e. whath placed in each ego-state of 327

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TA Today script the set of early decisions unique to the individual which specify what there is in the individuals script. CONTRACT : an explicit bilateral commitment to a well-defined course of action an Adult commitment to oneself and/or someone else to mak e a change. CONTROLLIN G PARENT: a subdivision of the Parent in the functional model indicating how the individual may use this ego-state to control direct or criticize. COUNTERFEI T STROKE: a stroke which superficially appears positive but which contains a negative sting. COUNTERINJUNCTIONS : script messages issued from Parent by the parent and housed in Parent by the child. COUNTERSCRIPT : the set of decisions made by the child in compliance with the counterinjunctions. CRITICA L PARENT: same as Controlling Parent. CROSSE D TRANSACTION: a transaction in which the transactional vectors are not parallel or in which the ego-state addressed is not the one which responds. CROSSUP: moment of confusion experienced by a game-player immediately after the Switch. DECISION: conclusion regarding self others or the quality of life adopted during childhood as the best available means of surviving and getting needs met within the constraints of the childs ways of feeling and reality-testing. DECISIONA L MODEL: philosophical stance which holds that people decide their own destiny and that these decisions can be changed. DELUSION : used by Berne to mean contamination of Adult by Child. DESPAIRER : the fourth position on the miniscript reflecting the life position I-U-. DISCOUNTING : unawarely ignoring information relevant to the solution of a problem. DISCOUN T MATRIX: a model which analyzes discounting in terms of area type and level. DOIN G NOTHING: the passive behavior in which the person directs energy into stopping himself or herself from acting instead of into problem-solving. DRAM A TRIANGLE: diagram which illustrates how persons may adopt and move between any of three scripty roles Persecutor Rescuer Victim. DRIVER : one of five distinctive behavioral sequences played out over a time-period between half-a-second and a few seconds which are the functional manifestations of negative counterscripts. DUPLE X TRANSACTION: an ulterior transaction involving four ego- states. 328

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Glossary EARL Y DECISION: same as decision. EGOGRAM : a bar-chart diagram showing an intuitive assessment of the importance of each subdivision of the functional ego-state model in an individuals personality. EGO-STATE : a consistent pattern of feeling and experience directly related to a corresponding consistent pattern of behavior. EGO-STAT E MODEL: a model depicting personality in terms of Parent Adult and Child ego-states. ELECTRODE : used by some writers to mean Parent in the Child. EPISCRIPT: a negative script message which a parent passes to a child in the magical hope that by so doing the parent will be released from the impact of that message. EXCLUDING : of ego-states the one ego-state remaining operational when the other two are excluded. EXCLUSION : shutting out by the individual of one or more ego-states. EXECUTIVE : of ego-states that ego-state which dictates behavior in terms of having control of the muscular apparatus. EXISTENTIA L POSITION: same as life position. FIRST-DEGREE : of games or losing scripts having a payoff which the person is ready to discuss in his or her social circle. FIRST-ORDE R MODEL: an ego-state model in which the three ego- states are not further subdivided. FIRST RUL E OF COMMUNICATION : so long as transactions remain complementary communication can continue indefinitely. FORMUL A G: a formula showing the six stages in a game Con Gimmick Response Switch Crossup Payoff. FRAM E OF REFERENCE : the structure of associated responses which integrates the various ego-states in response to specific stimuli it provides the individual with an overall perceptual conceptual affective and action set which is used to define the self other people and the world. FRE E CHILD: a subdivision of the Child in the functional model indicating how the individual may use this ego-state in expressing feelings or wants without censoring and without reference to rules or societal demands. FUNCTION : of ego-states how ego-states are used or expressed. FUNCTIONA L MODEL: an ego-state model which divides the ego- states to show us how we use them their process. GALLOWS : a communication in which the individual smiles or laughs while making a statement about something painful. GAME : Bernes final definition a series of transactions with a Con a Gimmick a Switch and a Crossup leading to a payoff. GAME : Joiness definition the process of doing something with an 329

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TA Today ulterior motive that 1 is outside of Adult awareness 2 does not become explicit until the participants switch the way they are behaving and 3 results in everyone feeling confused misunderstood and wanting to blame the other person. GAM E FORMULA: same as Formula G. GAM E PLAN: series of questions used in analyzing the stages in an individuals game. GIMMICK: a transactional response which on the psychological level conveys that the person has accepted an invitation into game-playing. GRANDIOSITY : an exaggeration of some feature of reality. HAMARTI C SCRIPT: same as third-degree losing script. HISTORICA L DIAGNOSIS: judgment of which ego-state an individual is in by gathering factual information about the individuals parents parent-figures and own childhood. INCAPACITATION : the passive behavior in which the person disables himself or herself in an attempt to force the environment to solve a problem. INCONGRUITY : mis-match between the overt content of a communication and the behavioral signals shown by the individual who issues the communication. INJUNCTIONS: negative restrictive script messages issued from Child by the parent and housed in Child by the child. INTEGRATE D ADULT: Adult ego-state incorporating positive qualities of Child and of Parent. INTIMACY: mode of time-structuring in which people express authentic feelings and wants to each other without censoring. LEVEL : of discounting whether discounting relates to existence significance change possibilities or personal abilities. LIFE COURSE: what actually happens in the individuals life in contrast to life-script which represents what the person planned to do in early childhood. LIFE POSITION: a persons basic beliefs about self and others which are used to justify decisions and behavior a fundamental stance which a person takes up about the essential value he or she perceives in self and others. LIFE-SCRIPT: an unconscious life-plan made in childhood reinforced by the parents justified by subsequent events and culminating in a chosen alternative. LITTLE PROFESSOR: same as Adult in the Child. LOSER: someone who does not accomplish a declared purpose. LOSING SCRIPT: a script in which the payoff is painful or destructive and/or entails failure to accomplish a declared purpose. 330

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Glossary 331 MAGICA L PARENT: same as Parent in the Child. MARSH M ALLOW-THR O WING : giving out insincere positive strokes. MARTIAN : interpretation of human behavior and communication which entails observation without preconceptions. MINISCRIPT: a sequence of scripty behaviors and racket feelings always beginning with a driver in which the individual plays through his or her script in the short to medium term and thereby reinforces the script. MODE : of discounting same as level. NATURA L CHILD: same as Free Child. NEGATIV E STROKE: a stroke which the receiver experiences as unpleasant. NEVE R SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: I can never get what I most want. NON-WINNER : a person who makes neither big wins nor big losses. NON-WINNIN G SCRIPT: a script in which the payoff entails neither big wins nor big losses. NURTURIN G PARENT: a subdivision of the Parent in the functional model indicating how the individual may use this ego-state in nurturing caring or helping. OGR E PARENT: used by some writers to mean Parent in the Child. O K CORRAL: diagram in which the four life positions are related to specific social operations. OPEN-ENDE D SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: After a certain point in time I wont know what to do. OPTIONS : technique of choosing ego-states in transacting so as to break free of familiar unconstructive locked interchanges with others. OVERADAPTATION : the passive behavior in which the person complies with what he or she believes are the wishes of others without checking and without reference to his or her own wishes. Pj : same as Parent in the Child. P 2 : same as Parent ego-state. P 3 : part of the second-order structure of the Parent representing Parent content introjected from a parent or parent-figure. PA C MODEL: same as ego-state model. PARALLE L TRANSACTION: same as complementary transaction. PAREN T EGO-STATE: a set of behaviors thoughts and feelings which have been copied from parents or parent-figures — i.e. a borrowed ego- state . PAREN T IN THE CHILD: part of the second-order structure of the Child representing the young childs fantasized and magical version of

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TA Today messages received from parents. PASSIVE BEHAVIOR: one of four modes of behavior doing nothing overadaptation agitation incapacitation or violence which indicate the presence of discounting and are used by the individual as an attempt to manipulate others or the environment into solving his or her problems. PASSIVITY: how people dont do things or dont do them effectively. PASTIME: mode of time-structuring in which people talk about a subject but have no intention of taking action concerning it. PAYOFF : of games the racket feeling experienced by the player at the close of the game of script the closing scene towards which the script is directed. PERMISSIONS: in the script positive liberating script messages issued from Child by the parent and housed in Child by the child. PERSECUTOR : in Drama Triangle person who puts others down or belittles them. PHENOMENOLOGICA L DIAGNOSIS: judgment of which ego-state an individual is in on the evidence of that individuals re-experiencing events from his own past. PIG PARENT: used by some writers to mean Parent in the Child. PLASTIC STROKE: an insincere positive stroke. POSITIVE STROKE: a stroke which the receiver experiences as pleasant. PREJUDICE : used by Berne to mean contamination of Adult by Parent. PRIMAR Y DRIVER: the driver which an individual shows most frequently usually also shown first in response to a transactional stimulus. PROCESS: of ego-states the ways in which the individual expresses the ego-states over time — i.e. how the ego-states are expressed of script the ways in which the individual lives out the script through time — i.e. how the script is lived out. PROGRAM : set of script messages issued from Adult by the parent and housed in Adult by the child. PSYCHOLOGICAL-LEVE L MESSAGE: a covert message usually conveyed by non-verbal clues. RACKET : a set of scripty behaviors intended outside awareness as a means of manipulating the environment and entailing the persons experiencing a racket feeling. RACKETEERING : mode of transacting in which the individual seeks strokes from others for his or her racket feelings. RACKE T FEELING: a familiar emotion learned and encouraged in childhood experienced in many different stress situations and maladaptive as an adult means of problem-solving. RACKE T SYSTEM: a self-reinforcing distorted system of feelings 332

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Glossary thoughts and actions maintained by script-bound individuals. REA L SELF: of ego-states that ego-state in which the individual experiences himself or herself to be. REBELLIOU S CHILD: used by some writers to mean mode of expression of Adapted Child in which the individual rebels against rules instead of following them. RECOGNITION-HUNGER : the need for recognition by others. REDECISION : replacement of a self-limiting early decision by a new decision that takes account of the individuals full adult resources. REDEFINING : distortion of an individuals perception of reality so that it fits his or her script. REDEFININ G TRANSACTION: a tangential or blocking transaction. RESCUER : in Drama Triangle person who offers help to others from a one-up position in the belief they are not good enough to help themselves. RESPONSE : in an individual transaction the communication which is a reply to the stimulus in a game series of ulterior transactions which follow the Con and Gimmick and repeat their covert messages. RITUAL : mode of time-structuring in which people exchange familiar pre-programmed strokes. RUBBERBAND : a point of similarity between a here-and-now stress situation and a painful situation from the persons own childhood usually not recalled in awareness in response to which the person is likely to go into script. SCRIPT: same as life-script. SCRIPT MATRIX: diagram in which the transmission of script messages is analyzed in terms of ego-states. SCRIPT MESSAGE: a verbal or non-verbal message from the parents on the basis of which the child forms conclusions about self others and the world during the process of script-making. SCRIPT SIGNAL: a bodily clue which indicates that the individual has gone into script. SCRIPTY: of behaviors feelings etc. exhibited by the individual when in script. SECOND-DEGREE : of games or losing scripts having a payoff serious enough to be an unacceptable topic for conversation in the individuals social circle. SECOND-ORDE R STRUCTURAL MODEL: a structural model in which the ego-states are themselves subdivided to show the ego-state structure of the individuals own Child and of the figures incorporated in the Parent. SECOND-ORDE R SYMBIOSIS: a symbiosis occurring between Pj and Ai of one party and C of the other party. SECON D RULE OF COMMUNICATION: when a transaction is 333

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TA Today crossed a break in communication results and one or both individuals will need to shift ego-states in order for communication to be re­ established. SOCIA L DIAGNOSIS: judgment of which ego-state an individual is in by observation of the ego-states used by others in transacting with that individual. SOCIAL-LEVE L MESSAGE: an overt message usually conveyed in verbal content. SOMATI C CHILD: same as Child in the Child. SPONTANEITY : ability to choose freely from a full range of options in feeling thinking and behaving including choice of ego-state. STAMP: a racket feeling which the individual has stored away with the intention of cashing it in later for some negative payoff. STIMULUS: the initial communication in an individual transaction to which the response is a reply. STIMULUS-HUNGER : the need for physical and mental stimulation. STOPPER : the second position on the miniscript reflecting the life position I-U+ an injunction which the individual hears when at that position. STROKE : a unit of recognition. STROK E BANK: collected memories of past strokes which the individual can re-use. STROK E ECONOMY: set of restrictive Parental rules regarding stroking. STROK E FILTER: an individuals pattern of rejecting and accepting strokes so as to conform with an existing self-image. STROK E QUOTIENT: an individuals preferred mix of different types of stroke. STROKIN G PROFILE: a bar-chart diagram to analyze an individuals preference for giving taking asking for and refusing to give strokes. STRUCTURA L ANALYSIS: analysis of personality or of a series of transactions in terms of the ego-state model. STRUCTURA L MODEL: an ego-state model showing what is classified as belonging in each ego-state or subdivision of an ego-state i.e. showing content. STRUCTURA L PATHOLOGY: contamination and/or exclusion. STRUCTURE : in the ego-state model classification of an individuals behavior feeling and experience in terms of ego-states. SWEATSHIRT : a motto signaled non-verbally by a person which acts as a covert invitation into games or racketeering. SWITCH: point in a game at which the player changes roles in order to collect his or her payoff. SYMBIOSIS: a relationship in which two or more individuals behave as though between them they form a single person hence not using their full complement of ego-states. 334

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Glossary TANGENTIA L TRANSACTION: a transaction in which the stimulus and the response address different issues or address the same issue from different perspectives. THIRD-DEGREE : of games or losing scripts having a payoff which entails death serious injury or illness or a legal crisis. THIR D RULE OF COMMUNICATION: the behavioral outcome of an ulterior transaction is determined at the psychological and not at the social level. TIM E STRUCTURING: how people spend time when in pairs or groups. TRADIN G STAMP: same as stamp. TRANSACTION : a transactional stimulus plus a transactional response: the basic unit of social discourse. TRANSACTIONA L ANALYSIS: ITAA definition a theory of personality and a systematic psychotherapy for personal growth and personal change. TRANSACTIONA L ANALYSIS: Bernes definition 1 a system of psychotherapy based on the analysis of transactions and chains of transactions which occur during treatment sessions 2 a theory of personality based on the study of specific ego-states 3 a theory of social action based on the rigorous analysis of transactions into an exhaustive and finite number of classes based on the specific ego-states involved 4 the analysis of single transactions by means of transactional diagrams this is transactional analysis proper. TYPE : of discounting whether discounting relates to stimuli problems or options. ULTERIO R TRANSACTION: a transaction in which an overt message and a covert message are conveyed at the same time. UNCONDITIONA L STROKE: a stroke relating to what the individual is. UNTI L SCRIPT: the process script which reflects the belief: Something good cant happen until something less good has been finished. VECTOR : arrow on a transactional diagram connecting the ego-state from which a communication is issued to the ego-state to which it is addressed. VICTIM: in Drama Triangle person who views himself or herself as one-down deserving to be belittled or unable to get by without help. VIOLENCE : the passive behavior in which the person directs destructive energy outwards in an attempt to force the environment to solve a problem. WINNER : someone who accomplishes a declared purpose. WINNIN G SCRIPT: a script in which the payoff is happy or fulfilling 335

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TA Today and/or entails success in accomplishing a declared purpose. WITC H PARENT: used by some writers to mean Parent in the Child. WITHDRAWAL : mode of time-structuring in which the individual does not transact with others. 336

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IMIIII I HMIlim Illllli INDEX Page numbers in italic type indicate a mai n entry for th e ite m in question . A : see Littl e Professor A 2 : .see Adult ego-state A 3 : see Paren t ego-state structure o f Activities 87 90-1 280 Adapte d Child 21-4 28 42-5 160-7 265. 280 Adul t ego-state 4 11-20 26 31 39 43- 55 129-31. 160 168 177 195-200 247 254-7. 262-7 272-6 280-4 integrated 268 structure of 31 33 Allaway John 288 Allowers 163 168 255 Antiscript 145 Authenti c feelings 212-4 223-4. 227-9 257 267 Attributions 125-8 138-9 Autonomy 6 266 268 273-4 279-81 Awareness 6 78 266 Barnes Graham 287. 293 Basic positions: see Lif e positions Behaviora l descriptions: see Functional analysis Behaviora l diagnosis 39-43 44-7 68 156 279 Berne Eric 8 15 17-20 35-9 43-54 59 65-8 72 87 90 94 99-101 108 113-8 126 135 148-51 155. 218 231 235 239- 42 248-51 260 266-8 273 278 283-7 295 300 book s by. 291-2 Blakeney . Roger 279 Blemish 252 28 2 Boar d of Certification 297-302 Horn To Win. 286 29 3 Brown . Michael 29 4 Bodyscript 113 Bragging 8 3 Business contract 260 C V see Somati c Child C 2 : see Chil d ego-state C : see Parent ego-state structure o f Capers Hedges 163 Cathexis 48-9 173 Cathexis Institute 173 276 287 Cathexis Reader 294 Cathexis School 276-7. 294 Changing Lives Through Redecision Therapy 294 Chil d ego-state 4 11-19 22-3 31 46-55 129-38 167 173-8 190-1 195-203 216 245. 247-50 255-7 264-8 272-5. 280-4 structure of: 31. 34-36 see also Littl e Professor Magical Parent Somatic Child see also Adapte d Child Free Child China Peoples Republic of 288 Classical school 274 285 Collinson Laurence 240-1 Communication : first rule of 62 second rule of 64-5 thir d rule of 67-8 Commissio n of Certification 299-302 Con . 235-6 240 254-5 Constancy hypothesis 2 9 Contamination 50-3 131 178 27 9 Contracts 8 260-5 266-73 276-8 282 definitio n of 260 requirement s for 260 see also Transactiona l analysis contractual method in Controllin g Parent 21-9 40-4. 166-7 216 . 281 Cops and Robbers 252 Corralogram 123 Counseling 3 300 Counterinjunctions 129 130. 132-3 142- 4 164 201 275 Counterscript . 130-1. 145 153 . 160-4 Cover t agenda 254 261-2 279 28 2 Critical Parent: see Controllin g Parent Crossman Pat. 274 295 Crossup 235-6 242 256 Cure 268-9 Decisiona l model 7 273 337

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TA Today Decisions 7. 134-147 245 273-5 Delusion 52 Developmenta l cycles 296 Discoun t matrix 181-187 281 Discounting 5 . 25 76-7 92 173-80 181- 6. 191-9 236-7 245-8 255-7 268-72 276-82 296 definitio n of 173 detection of 178-80 versus strokes 85 D o Me Something 253 282 Dram a Triangle 236-8 241 252-8 262 274-8 286 29 5 Drivers 130-1 155-69 178-9 255 282 287 296 and process script 159-62 detection of 155-9 origins of 163 primary 158-159 161 Dusay John 26-9 81 285-7 291- 5 Early decisions: see Decisions Education T A in 3 45 268 278-9 281- 2 Ego 17 Egogram 26-9. 81 274 287 295 Egograms 294-5 Ego-state model 3 4 . 11-20 273 277 280-1 and transactions 59-71 over-simplified 18-20 Ego-states 4 17-18 90-4 189 254 267 279-84 Adult : sec Adult ego-state Child : see Child ego-state content of 21 30-1 37 44 . 5 0 constant: see Exclusion diagnosis. 39-49 279 definitio n of 15 distinctions between 16 excluding : see Exclusion functional analysis of: see Functiona l analysis Parent: see Parent ego-state process of 21 30 37 44 recognitio n of 39-49 standard clues to. 4 0 structural analysis of: see Structural analysis symbiosis and 194 time dimension of 19 tim e structuring and 87- 8 see also Ego-state model Electrode 35 Energ y theory 48 English Fanita 34 140-1 212 215-6 242 248 296 Episcript 140-1 Eri c Berne Memorial Scientific Award 271 295-6 Erikson Erik. 118 284 Ernst Franklin 119 123 285 296 Erskine Richard 220 228 277 287 296 Europea n Association for Transactional Analysis 287-8 297-302 Exclusion 50 53-5 178 27 9 Executive 46-9 Existential positions: see Life positions Fantasies 103 226 229 271 275 Federn Paul 17 283 First rule of communication 62 Formul a G 235-6 238-42 249 254 Fou r myths 167-8 Fou r passive behaviors 178 Fram e of reference 188-93 245-9 261-2. 271-2 Free Child 21-4 28 40-4 265-7. 280- 1 Freud Sigmund 17 48 Functiona l analysis 21-9 36-7. 70 and transactions 61 64 Functiona l model: see Functional analysis Gallows 180 Gam e formula: see Formula G Gam e Plan 240-1 258 Games 5-6 87 91-3. 117 217. 231-43. 244-50 254-7 262 284 definition s of 241-3 degrees of 234 examples of 231 positive payoffs in 249-50 256 names of. 251-4. 267 274-82 reasons for playing 244-50 and script 244. 245 six advantages of 248 strokes and 248 257-8 symbiosis and 24.5-8 transactional analysis of 239-40 Games People Play 18 242 248 251. 283 286 291 Gestalt therapy 275 277 28 6 Gimmick 235-6 242 255 Goulding Robert 134 142 239-40 254 - 5 262 275 285-7 294-5 Goulding Mary 134 142 240 254 275 287 294 295 338

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Index Grandiosity 174 191 245 Grou p process 274 Harris Thomas 286 Historica l diagnosis 39 44-5 46 279 Huigc Kristy 199 Id 17 I f It Werent For You 252 Im OK Youre OK 286 Impasse 275 I m Only Trying T o Hel p You 253 282 Incongruity 47-8 68 76 179-80 Injunctions 129. 131-3 134-47 164 201 275 295 Integrate d Adult 268 Internationa l Transactional Analysis Association 3 285-8 297-302 Intimacy 6 78 87 93-5 249 256-7 26 7 Introjccts 32 Intuition and Ego States 291 ITAA Training Standards and Certification Manual 299 302 James John 240 249-50 256 James Muriel 260 263 271 286-7 293 . 296 Joines Vann 242 Jongeward Dorothy 260 263 286 293 Kahler Taibi 148-68 277 287 293 296 Karpman Stephen 69 236 285-6 295-6 Kic k Me 232 238-40 245 248-52 255-6 Kupfer David 239-40 Laymans Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis A 284 291 I cvin Pamela 296 I ife course 115 1 ife positions 117-24 162 166 174 216 245-9 I Mi- script : see Script I ink- Professor 31 35 126 131 139 141-4 203 210 226 257 McKenna Jim 81-2 Magical Parent 31 189 203 Martian OK 90 126 179-80 254 279 28 4 Mellor Ken 181 29 6 Mind in Action The 284 291 Miniscript 155 164-9 277 287 296 Natura l Child: see Free Child Nelson Portia 269 NIGYSOB 232 238 244-5 248-9 252-3 Norma l dependency 198-9 Nurturin g Parent 21 25-9 40-4. 167 216 281 Ogre 35 O K Corral 119-24 201 245 296 OKness 6 Options 69-71 274 282 286 296 and games 254-5 Organizations use o f T A in 3 45 268 278-82 P: see Magical Parent P 2 : see Parent ego-state P 3 : see Parent ego-state structure of PA C model: see Ego-state model Parallel transaction: see Transactions complementar y Parent ego-state 4 11-19 31 49-51 54- 5 129-31 160-4 167 178 189-90 195-201 216 245-7 255 265-8 271-6 279-84 structure of 31-32 see also Controlling Parent Nurturin g Parent Passive behaviors 175-7 200 277 282 Passivity 173 268 281-6 Pastimes 87 89-90 91 249-51 280 Payoff: o f script 100 108-9 130 141 218-9 244 o f games 235 240-2 249-50 254 255- 7 Perls Frederick Fritz 275 28 6 Permissions 129 131-3 134 274-5 Persecutor 236-8 245-7 252 255 26 2 Phenomenologica l diagnosis 39 45-6 279 Pig Parent 35 Poor Me 253 Potency 274-5 Prejudice 51 Principles of Group Treatment 100 242 268 286 292 Problem-solving 214 268 276-82 Process scripts: see Script process of 339

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TA Today Program 129 131 Protection 274-5 279 295 Psychic energy 29 see also Cathexis Psychosis 3 53 Psychotherapy 3 269 271-7 284 Racket feelings 6 166-7 209-17 222 233 240-2 248 25 6 definitio n of 209 296 Racke t System 220-30 245 277. 287 296 Racketeering 215-7 242. 248-53 262 267 274 28 2 Rackets 5 167-8 207-17 definitio n of 209 an d script 21 0 Racket y Displays 220-3 224-8 256 Rapo 252-3 Reactiv e environment 276 282 Rea l Self 46- 9 Reality-testing 33 Rebellious Child: see Adapted Child Recognition-hunger 72 84 Redecision 275-7 295 Redccision school 275-6 294 Redefining 5 188-93 254 268 276 29 6 definitio n of 190 transactions 191-3 Reinforcin g memories 220-1 226. 228 245 256 Reparenting 276 Rescuer 236-8 248 253 262 Response 235-6 Rituals 87 88-9 Rubberbands 111-12 134-6 211 22 3 San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminars 285 San Francisco Transactional Analysis Seminar 286 Schiff Aaron 286 295 Schiff lacqui Lee 285-6 294-5 Schiff Shea 277 Schiffian theory 173. 188-90 194 198 Script 3 5 99-116 117 131-2 142-4 155 160-3 173-4 190 219-20 223-8 244-8 264 269 272-84 analysis 5 135 141.-2 banal 107-9 117 123 218 24 4 conten t of 107 148 definitio n of 99-101 fram e of reference and 190 freedo m from 267-8 hamartic . 108-9. 117-8 123 130 141 144 218 244 losing: see Script hamartic matrix 125-33 142 201 228 295 messages 101 125-8 134 142 non-winning : see Script banal origins of 101-3 payoff 100 108-9 130 141 218-9 244 process of 107 148-54 155 160-2 signals 113 stress and 110 symbiosis and 199 winning . 107-9 117 123. 218 244 Script Beliefs 52 220-4 225-7 245 249 256 267 Scripts People Live 294 Second-order model: see Structural analysis Second rule of communication 64 65 See Ho w Har d Ive Tried 253 28 2 See What Yo u Mad e Me Do 253 28 2 Self-reparcnting 271 29 6 Self-stroking 82-4 88 Sex in Human Loving 242 286 29 2 Sigmund Eric 181 296 Social diagnosis 39 43-4 45. 279 Somatic Child 31 35 202-3 Spitz Rene 72 Spontaneity 6 78 266-7 281 Stamps 5-6 217-9 221 226 244 253 256 Steiner Claude 78 82 100 118 128 260 285-6 294-6 Stern Erika 294 Stimulus-hunger 72 73 Stopper 164-6 Stress scale 110 Stroke bank 84 88-9 Stroke economy 78-81 296 Strok e filter 76-7 Stroke quotient 76-7 85 Strokes 4 72-86 88-94 132 136 144. 161 202-3 210-13 216-19 249 253 258 264 272 276 280-2 classification of. 73 conditional 73-4 77 84 85 counterfeit 75 7 7 definitio n of 72 and games 248 257-8 intensity of 75 87-9 marshmallow 75 77 7 9 negative 73-81 84-5 non-verbal 73 79 plastic 75 340

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Index positive 73-81 84-5 qualit y of 75- 6 and reinforcement of behavior 74-5 and time structuring 87 unconditional 73-7 84-5 verbal 73 77 7 9 v. discounts 85 Strokin g profile 80 81-82 274 Structura l analysis 4 12 21 36-7 284 first-orde r model 12 second-order model 30-1 Structural diagram first-order: see Structura l analysis Structura l model: see Structural analysis Structura l pathology 50-5 Structure and Dynamics of Organizations and Groups The 285 291 Structure-hunger 87 Stupid 253 28 2 Suicide 134-5 141 Superego 17 Sweatshirts 234 252-3 Switch 6 235-9. 242 246 251-3 256-8 282 Symbiosis 5 194-203 282 competitive 201 functio n of 199 and games 245 24 7 second-order 201-3 Symbioti c invitations 200 201 T A 101 288 297 300-5 TA: The State of the Art 294 Techniques in Transactional Analysis for Psychotherapists and Counselors 287 293 Therapy : see Psychotherapy Thir d rule of communication 67 Thomson George 214-5 Tim e structuring 4 84-95 280-2 and risk 87-94 Transactiona l analysis 3 accreditation in 287 299-302 contractua l method in 7 260-5 273 decisional model in 7 definitio n of 3 developmen t of 283-8 key ideas of 3-6 organizations 297-8 philosoph y of 6-8 schools of 274-7 285 287 29 3 see also: Classical school Cathexis school Redccision school Transactional Analysis 294 Transactional Analysis After Eric Berne 287 293 Transactional Analysis Bulletin 285-6 Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. 285 291 Transactional Analysis Journal 268 286-7 Transactiona l analysis proper 4 59 see also Transactions Transactiona l Analysis Training and Certifyin g Council 299 Transactional Analysis Revisited 293 Transactions 4 59-71 216 280-1 analysis of 59-71 angular: see Transactions ulterior blocking 191 192-3 281 complementary 59 60-1 62 65 69 280 crossed 62-3 64-5 69-70 216 280 definitio n of. 59 duplex : see Transactions ulterior and non-verbals 68-9 parallel 216 response in 59-62 66 stimulus in 59-62 66 tangential 191-2 193 281 ulterior 65-8 92-3 126 233. 239-42 249 254 261-2 Transference 111-12 Treatmen t contract 260 275 278 Victim 236-238 252 253 262 Visualization 263-4 271 27 7 What Do You Say After You Say Hello 100 241 268 286 292 Wh y Dont You 233 245 250 253 282 Witc h Parent 35 Withdrawal 87 88 Woode n Leg 253 Woollams Stanley 102 110 199 257 294 Yes But 233 250 252 Yo u Cant Make Me 282 Zalcman Marilyn 220 228 277 287 296 341

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By the same authors... Personality Adaptations A New Guide to Human Understanding in Psychotherapy and Counselling Vann Joines and Ian Stewart This book is a practical guide to understanding personality it presents a research-based model of six personality adaptations. Psychotherapists and counsellors whether practising or In train­ ing will find this model an invaluable aid to effectiveness in invit­ ing personal change. The book describes the six adaptations in detail and provides a framework for understanding how each adaptation develops. It goes on to show how you can assess someones personality adaptations rapidly and accurately. With this knowledge you can. tap into a vast store of information that will apply to that person. For example you will gain insight into their preferred area of personal contact thinking feeling or behaviour and learn how you ca n us e thes e contact areas to maintain rapport and achiev e optimal results in therapy or counsel­ ling. You will learn the typical "life patterns" that the person is likely to play out ove r time and th e principal issues that are likely to arise for them in the process of change. The mode l shows how yo u can work most effectively with each personality type to help them achieve personal change that is quick easy and lasting. To convey the true "sound" and "feel" of workin g with this model the book includes annotated transcripts of actual therapeutic work with each of th e personality adaptations. The models usefulness is not confined to any on e therapeuti c or counselling approach. Whatever modality you use you can appl y this model and benefit from this book. • If yo u would like to kno w more about Personality Adaptations you can read the Contents list and Preface on our web site at: www lifespacebooks.com. Lifespace Publishing Nottingham and Chapel Hill ISBN 1-870244-01-X Paperback Pp.417 342

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• Work personally with IAN STEWART . . . at The Berne Institute Kegworth England. TH E BERN E INSTITUTE aims to promote excellence in the fields of psychotherapy counselling training supervision and related research. Transactional analysis is our core model neuro-linguistic programming NLP and other humanistic approaches also play a part in our work. Our Co-Directors Ian Stewart PhD and Adriennc Lee BA and their supporting faculty of Associates are all UKCP Registered Psychotherapists and EATA-accredited trainers. We offer courses in T A counselling at Foundation and Diploma levels and a training programme in TA psychotherapy recognised by the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy UKCP. Our other activities include: two Advanced Training Groups in TA training and supervision monthly seminar sessions weekend workshops and a practice of T A psychotherapy and counselling for both groups and individuals. For further details please contact: The Course Registrar The Berne Institute Berne House 29 Derby Road Kegworth DE74 2EN England. Telephone and fax: 01509-673649. • Work personally with VANN JOINES .. . at The Southeast Institute Chapel Hill North Carolina USA. TH E SOUTHEAST INSTITUTE FOR GROUP AND FAMILY THERAP Y is a non-profit postgraduate educational institute offering training in individual couple family and group psychotherapy. The primary theoretical approach we teach is an integration of Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy called Redecision Therapy originally developed by Robert Goulding MD and Mary Goulding MSW. Wc also train participants in systems theory brief therapy various psychodynamic approaches body- centered approaches and hypnotherapy. We offer weekend and week-long workshops on-going training programs a postgraduate residential training program and direct clinical services. We have a faculty of seven residential and visiting members led by Vann S. Joines PhD and train participants both from the USA and around the world. For more information contact: The Southeast Institute for Group and Family Therapy 103 Edwards Ridge Road Chapel Hill NC 27517 USA. Telephone: 919 929-1171 fax: 919 929-1174.

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T A Today Ian Stewart Vann Joines . . . fresh lively examples . . . personal informal writing style . . . I take pleasure in recommending it. - - MURIEL JAMES best-selling co-author of BORN TO WIN TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS TA is a model for understanding human personality relationships and communication. It was first developed by the late Eric Berne MD. TA sprang to worldwide fame in the 1960s and 70s through the publication of best-selling books like Games People Play Im OK — Youre OK and Born To Win. Since then TA has continued to grow. Theory has been expanded reappraised and tested by observation. In the years since Bernes death in 1970 T A practitioners have introduced new concepts and techniques that are now at the very heart of the discipline. T A has long since outgrown its media image as a pop psychology. Instead it has gained international recognition as a professional approach aiding effectiveness in fields as diverse as psychotherapy counseling education communications and management training. In this book Ian Stewart and Vann Joines introduce you to the power of TODAYS transactional analysis. They present the ideas of current TA in straightforward readable language with a wealth of illustrative examples. TA TODAY is equally suitable for self-directed learning or as background reading for college courses. It gives full coverage of the syllabus for the ITAA official 101 basic examination. • Throughout the book EXERCISES for individual and group use are integrated in the text. The authors say: When you have completed these exercises you will certainly know more about yourself than you did when you started. And you will learn TA in the most effective way possible — by using it for yourself. • Ian Stewart PhD and Vann Joines PhD are accredited by the International Transactional Analysis Association as teachers and practitioners of TA. ISBN 1-870244-00-1 Lifespace Publishing Nottingham England and Chapel Hill USA

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