Lost In a Name

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Lost in a Name : 

Lost in a Name By Carlos Torres The sudden awakening of emotional emptiness

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I am awoken one morning by a ray of light, which bursts through my curtains almost blinding me. I yawn and stretch my arms across my bed, only I feel someone lying next to me. I jump startled out of bed only to have my eyes fall upon beauty I have not seen before. I back away and head towards the open window, where I am embraced with the sun’s rays upon my face. I can smell the morning dew and in doing so, I had hoped it would have awoken me, but as I glanced back, there it still lay. I have no recollection of when or how they got there as I am baffled just the same, for I don’t even know their name. Such innocence lays there before my eyes that I cannot help but glance at the silk covers outlining every contour of their body and revealing just a bit of their milky flesh, as if to taunt me. Oh, how I long to unwrap that which lays across my kingdom. To just press my finger tips upon the sketch of their body, but I cannot for fear it is only an illusion.

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My eyes have never come across such a pure and exquisite being, which is sad to say for a person of my experience. How does one go through life without encountering such loveliness? How does one go through life thinking they have everything and yet here, on my bed, lays unknowingly something that seems to have eluded me? A sense of hunger fills my being, but it is not a hunger for physical delight, but mere eagerness to know who is this beauty who lays on my bed. Are they humorous? Are they someone who can hold my interest? Can I lose myself within their very being yet still be able to live without them? Dare I want to be with out them? Is my stranger one who can be embraced, loved, trusted and forever seen as a companion or are they just a passing in the wind?

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It is incredible to have such feelings surge for someone un-known. Yet, I feel, that if I allow them to caress me they will gain all there is to know about me. I wonder if they are hungry to know me as well? So, anxious am I to lay by the side of this stranger, but I am afraid of losing this sense of euphoria, which is raging through my body. What if they wake and they are nothing like I imagined? Should I have them leave or should I just leave and not wake them? Do I run to save my heart from disappointment? Maybe, I am making too much of all of this. This is such foolishness, yet why do I want it so bad? Why does my heart scream with joy every time my eyes take a peek at this stranger on my bed?

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I pause, contemplating if I should lay across from that which tempts me. The sun still rains through my window cascading over the stranger’s silhouette and my eyes cannot seem to remove themselves. Such magnificence should not be delegated to just one person. Finally, I quietly and gently re-enter the arena. I find my body twitching from the nervousness, as I gaze upon my stranger. Adrenaline races through my veins and although I am unable to see their face, I guide my fingertips gently down the small of their back. Soft sounds begin to rise from my stranger‘s lips, as my fingers dance about. Gently I rest my head against her shoulder as the essence of her invades my senses, which awakens my body instantly. My heart begins to flutter in anticipation of my temptation awaking.

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Slowly the stranger’s eyes begin to flutter like the wind through my drapes. In seconds they are alive and our eyes become engaged. My heart pounds thunderously and all the while wondering if they are pleased to see me as I am to see them. A soft smile arises from her sensual full lips, which confirms the stranger is pleased. Oh, how I desire to feel them pressed against mine. I am like a child; anxious, curious and overwhelmed. I still can’t escape my stranger’s glance as they hold me hostage. We gaze at one another until a warm breathe escapes her in a whisper saying—“Good morning.” I smile and without any further hesitation I kiss her. Such emotions race through me, like on a roller coaster. Is it love, admiration or just simple hunger for company? I don’t know what it is for I’ve never felt such wonderful things.

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I cannot explain this feeling that has overtaken me like a storm. I feel free and I do not want my stranger to leave. I pray that she will stay here with me for I want to continue enjoying her but, alas, she rises from my embrace. She says not a word, as I stare dumb-founded at her blowing me a kiss upon her exit. The brightness that consumed my room is now dark as I am left alone in my despair. My body is totally numb in disbelief that I have created such a situation for myself. Finally, as if awaken from slumber, I rise from my bed and head towards the window. I can see the sun’s rays fall upon her as if she was preparing to ascend towards heaven. She walks amongst the bed of wild flowers never once looking back to see if I was there. Laughter consumes me as I remember that I don’t even have her name.

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My mind goes mad trying to remember. Trying to remember if I could recall such a name. What was it? Suddenly, as if coming out of a fog, I realized who they were. My eyes opened wide in shock of the simplicity of such a name. I bow my head not in disgust but in shame as my heart fills with wretched pain. I lift my head to glance again out my window at the image of my stranger walking away, never once missing a step. I pace to and from the window trying to bring forth the courage to say their blasted name. Then, as a lonely tear races down my eye, I realized I needed to say it. I needed to hear myself say their name, for it did not matter if they heard. I needed to prove that I knew that name.

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So, I softly whisper to my self the name which eluded me so—”Love.” Love was her name! I suddenly engage in uncontrollable laughter, as tears begin to stream down my face. I could feel myself going mad and all of the sudden in a wild hysteria I bellowed their name for all to hear far and wide—”LOVE! LOVE! I finally know your name! LOVE! Love is your name.” My stranger turned and smiled as she heard her name, but continued on her way. I cowherd from the window embracing myself like a wounded pup, a fool with a heart set a blazed, knowing that I finally had what I always wanted and finally mentioned it by name-”love.”

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