understanding opposite sex in effective communication

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UNDERSTANDING THE OPPOSITE SEX:

UNDERSTANDING THE OPPOSITE SEX

ROSEMARY& LEN’S CASE:

ROSEMARY& LEN’S CASE

Slide 3:

Since beginning her relationship with Len a year ago, and more seriously since moving into his beautiful suburban house, Rosemary had been having trouble with poison oak. She wasn't touching it herself; she'd made that mistake once with disastrous results and had become extremely conscientious about avoiding it at all costs. But Len, who seemed immune to poison oak, had the long-standing habit of wandering around his couple acres . It was a habit based in the best of intentions, yet despite these good intentions, Rosemary kept breaking out in nasty, itchy rashes two or three days after each of Len's excursions, Len tried many things to ensure Rosemary's safety, from wearing gardening gloves to stripping off all his clothes in the laundry room, putting them straight in the washing machine, and scrubbing himself down in the shower with special soap. Nothing seemed to work. Finally after her ten th outbreak, Rosemary had had enough. "You just can't pull it up anymore!" she stormed. "You can't tell me how to spend my free time!" Len countered indignantly. "It's meditative and I want to try some other remedies first." Rosemary was horrified, and her tone verged on hysterical. "I've gotten poison oak ten times now; I can't believe you're not concerned enough about me to want to stop pulling it up!" Len was rigid in his resistance. " We haven't tried everything yet. And I'm not willing for you to tell me how to spend my free time," he repeated.

Slide 4:

"You just can't pull it up anymore !" "You can't tell me how to spend my free time!" "It's meditative and I want to try some other remedies first." "I've gotten poison oak ten times now; I can't believe you're not concerned enough about me to want to stop pulling it up!" We haven't tried everything yet. And I'm not willing for you to tell me how to spend my free time,"

Slide 5:

The most common problem between couples is not to find the suitable bridge for THE GENDER GAP The world you see and react can be completely different from your partner No one can read your mind and nor your opposite sex can IF YOU ACCEPT THIS FACT , IT IS TIME YOU BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND and TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

WOMEN:

WOMEN

Slide 7:

Communication is not simply a means of exchanging information but also a way to build up intimacy Why? Because they perceive the world through the aspect of intimacy and connection

MEN:

MEN

Slide 9:

Communication is a means of exchanging information but also reflecting and defending challenges WHY? They see the world from the aspect of status& independence

MARTIANS vs VENUSIANS:

MARTIANS vs VENUSIANS

John Gray says, :

John Gray says, Women and men came from different planets. Why men talk? To gather or exchange information Why women talk? Besides gathering or exchanging information they have additional reasons such as exploring their thoughts, feelings feeling better while they are upset creating intimacy

Slide 12:

WOMEN Connect for feeling better They feel unloved, neglected MEN Retreat for thinking and solving problems. They feel harrassed, blamed and criticized CONNECT RETREAT

To sum up,:

To sum up, The best way of communication lies in understanding differences. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT

Expressing Negative Feelings:

Expressing Negative Feelings Woman  Man Keep in your mind that men can feel easily blamed and criticized. (Choose your words so carefully that they may cause misunderstanding and humiliation) Show that h e is appreciated, accepted, and trusted. Don’t waste time to improve him.

Example*:

Example* I see how busy you have been at the office I didn’t like it when you spend too much time for talking about your work. Sometimes I really need to talk with you about our future plans I would be very appreciated if you would keep your office problems at work. Start with a positive, appreciative statement ("I know how hard you work . . ."). Keep it short and simple ("I didn't like it when you ..."). Be factual without superlatives or generalizations (avoid "You always ..,"). Specify what you would like ("I would like it if you would ...").

While Men Receiving :

While Men Receiving While responding her feel her feelings, talk, don’t defense Maintain eye contact Use verbal response while listening her ("Okay, I hear you ..."). Express that you are willing to deal with what she wants ("I'd be willing to try ...").

Expressing Negative Feelings:

Expressing Negative Feelings Man  Woman Women are better at feeling what is going to happen, so they will percieve in advance that you talk about something negative. Don’t stay in silence and withdraw yourself, she could easily feel unloved, abandoned. Use your mimics and gestures to show your affecion, it works!

Example*:

Example* Darling, you know how much I take care of you But I hate when you start complaining about my work in front my colleaques. It seems like you think I am too incompetent for the job. Sometimes I need you can show me how much you trust me for my work. I would be very appreciated if you give up complaining about my job. Reassuring sentence will be suitable.(I really care about you) Keep the speech short and simple Be factual without superlatives or generalizations (avoid "You always ..,"). Specify what you would like ("I would like it if you would ...").

While Women Receiving:

While Women Receiving Don’t insist on talking if he seems upset or needs time to talk. Express appreciation when he's ready to talk. Let him know that you've heard ("Okay, I hear you ..."). . Let him know what you're willing to do ("I'd be willing to try ...").

Asking for help:

Asking for help For Men, Feeling competent is important and having to ask for help triggers feelings of incompetence. Instead, they withdraw and attempt to solve their problems alone. Only if this strategy fails will they ask (usually a buddy ), and then men expect to get only the information requested .

Asking for Help*:

Asking for Help* Women are often happy to anticipate their partners' needs and attempt to fulfill those needs without being asked. Why? Because they use communication as a means of feeling better when they are upset, they need to connect

When women ask for a help, how men feel?:

When women ask for a help, how men feel? R equests are mostly “ demands ” for m en . Th e y need to feel able to say no, and have it be acceptable. They need to feel appreciated for the things t he y do. They would be very pleased when they are told they are competent.

The ways to treat men while asking for a help:

The ways to treat men while asking for a help Ask clearly and briefly (no reasons or justifications). Use " would you " and " will you " r ather than " could you " and " can you ." ('Could" and "can" ■ question a person's ability to do something ) Express appreciation when he says yes. I f he says no , don't argue, criticize, or express disappointment; simply remain silent

When women in charge of support:

When women in charge of support Let your partner know briefly and clearly that you're available to talk about what's bothering him if he would like to. Don't put him into trouble if he says no- Don't point out ways in which he could improve or do things better next time . Dangerous expressions: "I told you so. ” “You d on't listen to me.” G iv ing advice or offer suggestions . Express trust in his ability to solve his problem.

When a man ask for a help:

When a man ask for a help Women are likely to say yes, even if they're feeling burdened. ( The answer will possibly be “yes” even if she doesn’t know how to fix a tap, but there is something she could do in this process.) She needs to feel cherished and loved. If she says no, she's really overwhelmed.

When a man is in charge of a support:

When a man is in charge of a support She needs to talk to “ feel better ” ; if you let her talk, she will automatically feel better . She needs to feel understood . Your job is not to solve or fix anything , just listen Give physical signs of affection (take her hand, give her a hug). Look at her when she's talking. Offer listening signals: "mmm," "yes," "I see," "uh huh," "wow." These don't necessarily imply agreement with what's being expressed. Don't offer solutions, try and fix her negative feelings, or explain why she shouldn't feel the way she does.

TO SUM UP,:

TO SUM UP, Common Tips for Women Intimacy Connection Sharing Feeling Feel to be loved and not neglected. Affection signs Be honest when you have no time. Common Tips for Men Exchanging information Independence Tendency to solve problems alone. Show they are competent They retreat when they are upset. Positive and appreciative sentences Don’t pursue him to talk

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