effective communication skils

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EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

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Objectives Define and understand communication and the communication process List and overcome the filters/barriers in a communication process Practice active listening

What is Communication? :

What is Communication? COMMUNICATION IS THE ART OF TRANSMITTING INFORMATION, IDEAS AND ATTITUDES FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER. COMMUNICATION IS THE PROCESS OF MEANINGFUL INTERACTION AMONG HUMAN BEINGS. PERSONAL PROCESS \ OCCURS BETWEEN PEOPLE \ IT IS A SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL PROCESS. INVOLVES CHANGE IN BEHAVIOUR \ MEANS TO INFLUENCE OTHERS EXPRESSION OF THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS THROUGH WORDS & ACTIONS. TOOLS FOR CONTROLLING AND MOTIVATING PEOPLE.

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What are the most common ways we communicate? Spoken Word Written Word Visual Images Body Language

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The Communication Process SENDER (encodes) RECEIVER (decodes) Barrier Barrier Medium Feedback/Response

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Barriers to communication Noise Inappropriate medium Assumptions/Misconceptions Emotions Language differences Poor listening skills Distractions

Listening:

Listening We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. ~ Epictetus

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Hearing Vs Listening Hearing – Physical process, natural, passive (pseudo listening) Listening – Physical as well as mental process, active, learned process, a skill (real listening) Read the extract on p.7 Listening is hard. You must choose to participate in the process of listening.

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Hearing Choosing Understanding Responding The reception of sound. The act of choosing to focus attention on the message. Deciding what the message means to you. Your reaction to the message. It can be emotional and intellectual. Steps in the listening process Definition of listening: It is a physical and psychological process that involves choosing to listen, understanding, and responding to symbolic messages from others. Your knowledge, attitudes, values, beliefs and self-concept influences your perception. You first respond emotionally, then intellectually. Then you decide how to respond. Your own needs, interests, attitudes, and knowledge affects your choice to pay attention. Not everyone hears the same way. Men actually prefer certain frequencies.

BLOCKS TO LISTENING:

BLOCKS TO LISTENING comparing mind reading rehearsing filtering judging dreaming identifying advising sparring being right derailing placating

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Comparing constantly comparing yourself to the other person, checking to see if you measure up in terms of intelligence, wit, emotional stability, competence, or even level of suffering or children's achievements. Mind Reading what you think someone "really means" (based primarily on your own feelings, assumptions, or hunches) than to what he or she is actually saying. Rehearsing plan ning your response to what someone is saying to you while the other person is still speaking. Filtering tun ing out certain topics or you may hear only certain things and tune everything else out , a ny possible hint of unhappiness, no matter what he actually sa ys .

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Judging if you decide ahead of time that the other person is not worth hearing (because he or she is "stupid," "crazy,"'"hypocritical," or " immature"), and that you will therefore listen only in order to confirm your opinion. Dreaming you pay only a fraction of your attention to the person talking; inside, your thoughts are wandering elsewhere. identifying whatever you hear from the other person triggers memories of your own similar experiences, and you can't wait to. jump into your own story. Advising Jumping in with advice when the other person has barely stopped talking (or before)

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Sparring If you listen only long enough to find something to disagree with, and then assert your position-—regardless of what the other person says. Being Right If you want to prove that you're right or to avoid the suggestion that you're wrong— including lying, shouting, twisting the facts, changing the subject, making excuses, and accusing Derailing chang ing the subject or make a joke whenever you become bored or uncomfortable with the conversation. Placating being so concerned with being nice, agreeable, or liked that without really listening you agree with everything being said.

Vignette 1:

Vignette 1 It was Friday evening, and Bradley and Tyler were having a few drinks after work. They weren't exactly friends; in fact, Tyler supposed that Bradley was a bit of a buffoon. But because they had adjacent offices and both were recently divorced, they felt like they should have something in common. Bradley leaned against the bar. "So, what are your plans for the weekend?" he asked Tyler. "Not much," Tyler replied. He thought wistfully of the picnics he and Amy used to have by the lake. "You should get out, meet some girls, have yourself a good time," said Bradley. "Be good for you." "Nah," sighed Tyler. "Not this weekend. I'm not feeling much like kicking up my heels right now." "But that's just it," said Bradley, "You have to push yourself. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. If you let yourself stay at home and mope, then she's won. Besides, there's a great party over at Steve's on Saturday." Judging Dreaming Advising Sparring Being right Advising

Vignette 1:

Vignette 1 As Bradley described the party's attractions, and the reasons why Tyler should come, Tyler found his own thoughts wandering. "I guess Bradley thinks I'm failing at coping with Divorce 101," he thought to himself. "Well, maybe I am. I'm sure not coping as well as he is. He seems to be doing just fine. But hell, he's also such a jerk. Why doesn't he just shut up?" He thought about the way he and Amy would exchange glances, and how Amy would roll her eyes when someone was especially long-winded. "So, what do you think?" asked Bradley. Tyler pulled his attention back to the conversation. He realized he didn't know what Bradley was asking. "I don't know" was the safest answer he could think of. "Well I do," stated Bradley.""And I think you should definitely come. I'll even pick you up on my way." "He's like a damned bulldog," thought Tyler, "just won't let go. He must really think I'm a basket case." Mind reading Comparing Judging Dreaming B eing right Advising J udging

WHAT ABOUT YOU???:

WHAT ABOUT YOU??? Now take a few minutes to think about which blocks tend to prevent you from really listening At work (with boss, colleagues, subordinates, clients) At home (with spouse/partner, children) With friends (best friend, same-sex friends, opposite-sex friends) With relatives (parents, siblings, others)

LISTENING SKILLS:

LISTENING SKILLS Listen w ith Full Attention the hardest of the three rules to observe . It means turning of the TV or the computer game you're enjoying. While listening DON’T m in imiz e , criticiz e , analyz e , or trying to solve the problems presented. Body Language has a crucial role Maintain eye contact, nod, lean sligh tl y forward, and smile or frown in accordance with what is being said.

LISTENING SKILLS:

LISTENING SKILLS Listen for the Feelings As Well As the Content empathy TRY TO WALK IN HIS\HER SHOES ( It does mean being aware of the feelings of others) BODY LANGUAGE (f acial expressions, tone of voice, body posture, and so forth ) TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEIR FEEING “ Glad ” contains all the positive feelings (happy, confident, proud, cheerful, delighted, and so forth). “ Mad ” includes such feelings as angry, resentful, annoyed, furious, and frustrated. “ Sad ” describes such feelings as disappointed, gloomy, troubled, miserable, upset, and despairing. “ Bad ” includes any feelings that don't fit in the other categories: afraid, bored, confused, desperate, embarrassed, guilty, helpless, panicky, worried, and so on.

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Glad Mad amused angry cheerful annoyed confident enraged delighted frustrated excited furious grateful impatient happy irked pleased irritated proud livid relieved resentful satisfied violated secure thrilled Sad Bad defeated afraid dejected anxious depressed bored despairing confused disappointeddesperate Discouraged embarrassed Gloomy guilty hopeless helpless lonely horrified miserable isolated Pessimistic needy resigned overwhelmed

LISTENING SKILLS:

Actively Acknowledge What You've Heard verbal way that you've heard what's been said to you, both the content and the feelings. simple expression "What a nightmare!" more complex statements that include the content and feelings expressed by the other person, "You sound really worried about Tim and the decisions he's facing," LISTENING SKILLS

Actively Acknowledge What You've Heard 3 Strategies:

Actively Acknowledge What You've Heard 3 Strategies Paraphrasing saying in your own words what you've just heard. " It sounds like you're really ashamed of the way you reacted to Tara's refusal. ” Clarifying wanting to understand, which sometimes requires asking specific questions. "You sound upset, but I'm not totally clear what part of this is upsetting to you" "I don't get it."

Actively Acknowledge What You've Heard:

Actively Acknowledge What You've Heard Giving Feedback telling the other person your reaction to what he or she has said. Feedback must be ; immediate, honest, and supportive. "I'm disappointed that you didn't consult with me before making that decision" "that was really stupid and irresponsible of you."

ACTIVITY:

ACTIVITY Choose a partner or a close friend. Pick a topic that i nterests both of you T ak e turns being the speaker and the listener. When you're the speaker, remember to express your views and feelings succinctly and without blame. Stop afte r two or three minutes and let your listening partner summarize what you've said. Answer any clarifying questions. When your partner has finished, point out anything that's been left out.; When you're the listener, remember to pay close attention and listen to the other person's feelings as well as the content of what he or she is saying. Don't argue or interrupt, and ask questions only to clarify what you don't understand. Continue clarifying and summarizing until your partner feels completely heard and understood.

TOPICS TO TALK :

TOPICS TO TALK LOVE OR MONEY READING OR INTERNET STAY OUT LATE \ YES OR NO SHARING THE SAME ROOM LYING SOMETIMES OR ALWAYS TELLING THE TRUTH AUTHORITATIVE – FRIENDLY PARENTS DEMAND FOR MORE POCKET MONEY (PARENT-CHILD) HAVE A CLOSE FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX

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VALUE OF LISTENING Listening to others is an elegant art. Good listening reflects courtesy and good manners. Listening carefully to the instructions of superiors improve competence and performance. The result of poor listening skill could be disastrous in business, employment and social relations. Good listening can eliminate a number of imaginary grievances of employees. Good listening skill can improve social relations and conversation. Listening is a positive activity rather than a passive or negative activity.

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Always think ahead about what you are going to say. Use simple words and phrases that are understood by every body. Increase your knowledge on all subjects you are required to speak. Speak clearly and audibly. Check twice with the listener whether you have been understood accurately or not In case of an interruption, always do a little recap of what has been already said. Always pay undivided attention to the speaker while listening. While listening, always make notes of important points. Always ask for clarification if you have failed to grasp other’s point of view. Repeat what the speaker has said to check whether you have understood accurately. ESSENTIALS OF COMMUNICATION Dos

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ESSENTIALS OF COMMUNICATION DON’Ts Do not instantly react and mutter something in anger. Do not use technical terms & terminologies not understood by majority of people. Do not speak too fast or too slow. Do not speak in inaudible surroundings, as you won’t be heard. Do not assume that every body understands you. While listening do not glance here and there as it might distract the speaker. Do not interrupt the speaker. Do not jump to the conclusion that you have understood every thing.

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…in the new global and diverse workplace requires excellent communication skills! Success for YOU…

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