talking with children in effective communication

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TALKING WITH CHILDREN:

T A L K I N G W I T H C H I L D R E N Understanding kids and making sure they understand you

Slide 2:

What does a child need? Positive attention, understanding Food-drink-clothing Fostering self-esteem protection Accepting& Respecting as an individual Soothing his pain

Listening comes first (as always):

Listening comes first (as always) CHILDREN ARE SMALL HUMAN-BEINGS WITH ALL THE RIGHTS TO FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, NEEDS ETC. YOU HAVE. STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING GET DOWN TO YOUR CHILD’S LEVEL PHYSICALLY EYE CONTACT PAY ATTENTION, ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOUR KID SAYS

SYDNEY’S EXCUSES:

SYDNEY’S EXCUSES I’m not ready to go. I’m tired . I’m thirsty. But the water won’t be cold. The ice cube won’t fit in the bottle. IN FACT SHE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE HER FRIEND’S HOUSE, SHE FINDS EXCUSES

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?:

WHAT SHOULD WE DO? Let her a couple of minutes to have a transition from playing to saying good-bye. “Sydney, ten minutes later it will be time to go, so you’d better start completing your play with your friend, maybe you can set up another playdate soon.” Describe the situation Using “I” statement Describe what you need & want

How ?:

How ? John, your bag is on the floor and I have a risk of falling while stepping over it. I feel ignored/ I feel disappointed if you act like not listening to me. I want you to take your bag and hang it to the hook. Otherwise your bag will probably be worn out in short time.

Slide 7:

DOS Be Clear -” I want you to be tidier. ” Be Honest - If you are tired, tell it honestly. Rest for a while. Don’t try to help out your child’s homework. Be Consistent - “ I’m fine (crying) ” In fact, you are not fine at al l, no one cares about me. No contradictory messages. “ Oh my sweety boy, you can always share your problems with me. ” (Half an hour later) Stop nagging me, you silly brat! Be Appropriate - No violent behaviour. Be Immediate - When you think that something should be expressed- don’t wait. Children are present time oriented for some cases. Be supportive - For deterring the negative behaviour you can set appropriate consequences.

Slide 8:

DONTS Judging - You message- Accuse- Attack Labeling Lazy- stupid- worthless Lecturing Commandin g Threating Making Negative Comparisons

When to step in:

When to step in You should differentiate between which issues are yours and which really belong to your child. Sometimes you have to step in or trust him for the decision. If the issue includes health or safety implications and inteferes your boundaries .

Slide 10:

Leaving the room untidy Playing with jacks, plugs Decorating their room Sticking out posters of their favourite cartoon. Drinking too much cold water. Insisting on wearing short and short-sleeve shirt when it is cold. Wearing ear-ring Interrupting you.

When you have to say “NO”:

When you have to say “NO” Give a choice Substitute “yes” for “no” Give explanatory information Accept feelings

Examples:

Examples Would you like to do your homework before or after dinner? Yes, you can play with the computer but after you finish your spinach. Would you like to tidy your room or have a bath. If you touch this jack, you could have an electric-shock, you’ll faint or hurt. This ladder could be dangerous for you.f you climb too high and fall, your leg or arm could break. So just 3 steps. I see that you miss your grandma so much. Don’t worry,next week we can visit her again.

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