Slide 1:1 Assertiveness Skills


MORNING HAS BROKEN :MORNING HAS BROKEN INTR 2


Slide 3:3 Thought it was close enough Is this a reflection of real life ... Positive communication being left to chance? Working Assertively


Slide 4:4 Criticism Conflict Confrontation Negative or Positive Words? Change the way you think change the way you act


Learning Outcomes :5 Learning Outcomes By the end of the course you will : Have knowledge and understanding of where you need to be as a person before you can act assertively Have identified your rights as an individual (Believe in?) Have knowledge and understanding of how we communicate assertively and the value of listening and questioning skills in doing so Have knowledge and understanding of the 3 main types of behaviour and how to use this to deal with difficult people and situations Have identified and know how to remove your “blockers” to behaving assertively Have knowledge and understanding of why a “Win – Win” mentality is critical for long term individual survival Have an introduction to the Respect at Work and SAC Violence at Work Policies Have knowledge and understanding of the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model


Slide 6:“South Ayrshire Council recognises that all employees have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.” “South Ayrshire Council is committed to providing a positive working environment for every employee in which we have equal opportunities, freedom from discrimination, harassment, bullying and victimisation”


Slide 7:7 SAC - Violence at Work Policy “All violence to staff is unacceptable, whatever form it takes and whatever reasons are cited for it” “Violence is not considered to be an acceptable part of any job, nor is it part of the duties of any employee to accept violent behaviour” Health & Safety at Work Act 1974 (Section 2) These provisions relate to the employers duty to provide adequate information, instruction, training on matters affecting health, safety and welfare of their employees. Management of Health and Safety at Work Regulations 1992 (Regs. 3,11, and 12) These regulations are concerned with the employers duty to carry out risk assessments and provide systems of work that will ensure, so far as it is reasonably practicable, a working environment that is safe, without risks to health and adequate as regards facilities and arrangements for welfare at work of employees.


Slide 8:8 Definition of Violence Physical Assault causing death Assault causing serious physical injury Minor injuries Biting Kicking Punching Use of weapons Use of missles Spitting Scratching Sexual assault Non-physical Verbal abuse Racial or sexual abuse Threats with or without a weapon Physical posturing Threatening gestures Threatening use of dogs Harassment in all forms Swearing Shouting/deliberate silence Name calling/Insults Innuendo


Slide 9:Puzzle Break A man wakes up from a drunken stupor. He turns on the light Stumbles to the window Looks out Then hangs himself Why?


Slide 10:10 Stimulus Response Gather Information Generate Options Select “Best” Option Take Decision Review Decision The Decision Taking Process


Slide 11:11 Creating an Environment which supports Positive Behaviour Beginning with YOU


Slide 12:12 Positive v Negative Thinking


Slide 13:13 10 Traits of a Positive Thinker Belief Confidence Courage Calmness Determination Enthusiasm Focus Integrity Optimism Patience Scott W. Ventrella, The Power of Positive Thinking in Business We are all born with the ten traits, however, these traits have been covered up to varying degrees by negative conditioning! What do we need to think positively?


Slide 14:14 1. Think how you view the trait on a personal level • If you believe you can’t be confident, you probably can’t – because your beliefs about the trait will affect your thinking, which affects your feelings, which affects your actions or behaviours 2. “Act as if” technique • Simply act a particular way, then you will soon think, feel and believe the action feels comfortable and normal “fake it till you make it” Ways to reactivate “traits”


Slide 15:Individuality Do we really have room in the world for everyone’s opinion? Why can’t we all think and behave the same?


Slide 16:16 Is your view of the world the only one? What do you see? What might they see?


Slide 17:17


Slide 18:18 If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my point of view Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you To put up with me is the first step to understanding me and in understanding me, you might come to understand my differences from you and far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences Extract from: Please Understand Me – David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates


Are things always as they seem? :19 Are things always as they seem?


Slide 20:20 Stairs going up or stairs going down? RHS of DOWN LHS of UP


Slide 21:21 The way an individual perceives, understands and interprets the surrounding world – a mental map Paradigms


Slide 22:22 “If you want small changes, work on your behaviour. If you want quantum leap changes work on your paradigms” Stephen R.Covey- “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” Changing YOUR Paradigm


A Foundation Model – For you to follow :23 A Foundation Model – For you to follow Character Competence A person with high character exhibits integrity, maturity and an Abundance Mentality A person with high competence has knowledge and ability in a given area Trustworthiness Trust Being Truly Effective


Slide 24:24 “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked throughout the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing : the last of the human freedoms – to choose ones’ attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way” Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning Attitude is everything – Who chooses yours?


Dealing with People :25 Dealing with People Only YOU can develop the model of YOU required to act assertively


Slide 26:Puzzle Break An anthropologist discovers a perfect body frozen in a glacier and exclaims “This is ADAM” How does he know? The body had no belly button


Slide 27:27 “Seek first to understand Then be understood” – Habit 5 Think Win – Win – Habit 4


Slide 28:28 Developing a Win – Win Relationship The OK Corral I’m OK Your OK I’m OK Your not OK I’m not OK Your OK I’m not OK Your not OK Win Win Lose Win Win Lose Lose Lose


Slide 29:29 The Three Main Behaviours Aggressive – Assertive – Non-assertive (Submissive) Productive v Unproductive Behaviours


Levels of Listening :30 Levels of Listening Ignoring – Making no effort to listen Pretend Listening – Giving the appearance of listening Selective Listening – Hearing the bits that interest you Attentive Listening – Paying attention, focusing, comparing to personal experiences Empathetic Listening – Listening and responding with both heart and mind


The Power of Questions :31 The Power of Questions Reflective – You seem unhappy about …? Open – Tell me about …? To what extent does …? Probing – Tell me more about …? Better in what way …? Link – You mentioned that …? Direct – When do you need this by …? Closed – Are you happy with the proposal? Silence


Slide 32:Puzzle Break A Man gives a woman a bottomless gift to place flesh, blood and bone into. She is delighted. What is it?


Slide 33:33


How do they see things? :34 How do they see things?


Assertiveness means .. :35 Assertiveness means .. Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another persons rights Expressing your needs, wants, opinions feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways


Assertiveness :36 Assertiveness Assertiveness is based on the belief that in any situation; You have needs to be met The other people involved have needs to be met You have rights, so do others You have something to contribute, so do others Aim - To achieve “Win – Win”


Submissiveness means .. :37 Submissiveness means .. Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in such a way that others can disregard them Expressing your needs, wants, opinions feelings and beliefs in apologetic, diffident or self effacing ways


Submissiveness :38 Submissiveness Submissiveness is based on the belief that in any situation: The other persons needs and wants are more important than your own The other person has rights, but you do not You have little or nothing to contribute, the other person has a great deal to contribute Aim – To avoid conflict and please others – “perceived benefits”


AGGRESSION MEANS .. :39 AGGRESSION MEANS .. STANDING UP FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS BUT DOING SO IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOU VIOLATE THE RIGHTS OF OTHER PEOPLE IGNORING OR DISMISSING THE NEEDS, WANTS AND OPINIONS, FEELINGS OR BELIEFS OF OTHERS EXPRESSING YOUR OWN NEEDS, WANTS AND OPINIONS (WHICH MAY BE HONEST OR DISHONEST) IN INAPPROPRIATE WAYS


AGGRESSION :40 AGGRESSION AGGRESSION is based on the belief that in any situation: YOUR OWN NEEDS, WANTS AND OPINIONS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHER PEOPLE’S YOU HAVE RIGHTS BUT OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE, OTHERS HAVE LITTLE OR NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE AIM – TO WIN. IF NECESSARY AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS.


Assertive “Persuasion” :41 Assertive “Persuasion” Relax (as far as possible) Have your information ready Be sure of your facts Calmly state your feelings Keep to the point Acknowledge the other persons point of view Encourage joint solutions where possible Go for “Win – Win” Summarise the agreement Seek First To Understand Listen Question Own your attitude Acknowledge Feelings Make positive statements Listen & Question


Dealing with things Assertively :42 Dealing with things Assertively Dealing Assertively with submissive/aggressive behaviour Self Awareness – Know the potential affects and exercise control The“Self-fulfilling prophesy” – Make it positive The “Inner Dialogue” – Make the right choices Assertive Persuasion – Memorise the process and choose to use it (Listening and Questioning – a Team of Two)


Have we agreed the Principles? :43 Have we agreed the Principles? We all have rights to which we are entitled Others have rights to which they are entitled Everyone has the right to be treated with respect In working towards a solution these rights must be respected at all times Our style of behaviour is by personal choice


Slide 44:The Power of Perception “Ya feeling lucky punk? Grrrr .. Now where’s that dog?”


Slide 45:45 Looking at Conflict – Causes and Responses


Slide 46:46 The Thomas - Kilmann Model Defining the conflict modes Assertiveness Co-operation Collaborating (High Assertive/High Coop) (Low Assertive/High Coop) Accommodating Compromising (Mid Assertive/Mid Coop) Competing (High Assertive/Low Coop) (Low Assertive/Low Coop) Avoiding


Learning Outcomes :47 Learning Outcomes By the end of the course you will : Have knowledge and understanding of where you need to be as a person before you can act assertively Have identified your rights as an individual (Believe in?) Have knowledge and understanding of how we communicate assertively and the value of listening and questioning skills in doing so Have knowledge and understanding of the 3 main types of behaviour and how to use this to deal with difficult people and situations Have identified and know how to remove your “blockers” to behaving assertively Have knowledge and understanding of why a “Win – Win” mentality is critical for long term individual survival Have an introduction to the Respect at Work and SAC Violence at Work Policies Have knowledge and understanding of the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model


“We first make our habits then our habits make us” Stephen Covey :48 “We first make our habits then our habits make us” Stephen Covey Habits Changing Habits