WRITING STYLE THAT SELLS

WRITING STYLE THAT SELLS: 

WRITING STYLE THAT SELLS 10 STEPS TO A PAGE TURNER John Winston Rainey MFA RAINEY SCRIPT CONSULTING

WHAT IS ‘WRITING STYLE’?: 

WHAT IS ‘WRITING STYLE’? Writer’s voice Word choice Grammar Punctuation Format Presentation

WHY GOOD WRITING STYLE IS IMPORTANT: 

WHY GOOD WRITING STYLE IS IMPORTANT First thing the reader sees Focuses the reader Keeps your story front and center

READER’S RED FLAGS: 

READER’S RED FLAGS TOO MANY PAGES TOO MANY WORDS ON A PAGE IMPROPER FORMAT FAT PARAGRAPHS LONG SPEECHES TOO MANY CHARACTERS EARLY ON TYPOS/MISSPELLED WORDS POOR GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION

WRITER’S RED FLAGS: 

WRITER’S RED FLAGS PASSIVE VERBS HELPING VERBS ADVERBS TELLING/NOT SHOWING WE SEE/WE HEAR DOESN’T TRIES TO; STARTS TO; BEGINS TO AS/WHILE YES OR NO CHIT-CHAT ON THE NOSE AD-LIBS APOSTROPHES

SIMPLICITY: 

SIMPLICITY Clever wordplay doesn’t work in screenwriting. Only clever story-telling. Writing obscurely and abstrusely doesn’t work. Instead, use brilliant story twists based in character motive. Learn to write simple sentences.

HIRING A REPORTERSTORY: 

HIRING A REPORTER STORY “The bodhisattva bovine, heavy with fatigue from its jaw-grinding day of harvesting fresh shoots of redtop and horsetail, swinging its milk-laden udder to and fro with its languorous gait, gingerly stepped its way over the sun-baked and deeply-rutted dirt road on the quest to relieve its lactate burden in the secure confines of the farmer’s dairy barn.”

AND THE WINNER IS...: 

AND THE WINNER IS... “The cow crossed the road.”

ACTION VERBS: 

ACTION VERBS CARRY THE STORY’S VITALITY GIVE LIFE TO THE STORY MAKE IT JUMP OFF THE PAGE ENHANCE CHARACTER ACTION ENTRANCE READER INTEREST SAY MORE WITH LESS WORDS ALLOW YOU TO WRITE DOWN THE PAGE, NOT ACROSS

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “The garage door barely closes down and Jack is already out of the car shuffling the three hostages into the house.” B. “The garage door slams. Jack jumps out of the car... ...hustles the three hostages from the back seat... ...and into the house.

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jill now has the officer’s complete attention.” B. “The officer turns to Jill.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jill is getting her hair done. She is sitting in the stylist’s chair staring in the mirror at Jane, who’s cutting her hair.” B. “Jill sits in the stylist’s chair, stares in the mirror, and watches Jane cut her hair.”

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 Jimmy is furiously hammering a spike into the tree. Jimmy pounds the spike into the tree.

EXAMPLE #5: 

EXAMPLE #5 She walks in an elegant fashion across the atrium. She parades across the atrium. She promenades across the atrium. She strolls across the atrium.

PASSIVE VERBS: 

PASSIVE VERBS DEATH! TO YOUR STORY STAGNATE SENTENCES IMMOBILIZE CHARACTERS PUT THE READER TO SLEEP

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jill is alone in the living room. It’s a nice house.” B. “Jill caresses the satin love seat... her eyes peruse the vaulted beams.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack looks in the room. It is empty.” B. “Jack (peeks/glances/gazes) into the empty room.” OR: “Jack scans the room crowded with Victorian furniture.” OR: “Jack stares through the door at the concrete walls and bare floor.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jill is at the door with bags in hand about to leave.” B. “Jill carries two suitcases to the door”

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 A very isolated, deserted community - there are only a handful of remaining one-story dwellings. One-story dwellings haunt the ghost town like rotting teeth.

EXAMPLE #5: 

EXAMPLE #5 She is exhausted from the long trip. She sighs fatigue and leans against a tree.

HELPING VERBS: 

HELPING VERBS Weaken the primary verb Add needless words Slow down the action

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jill is sobbing.” B. “Jill sobs.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack is sitting at his desk.” B. “Jack sits at his desk.” Hunkers Perches Poses Relaxes Rests

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jack and Jill are walking through the park.” B. “Jack and Jill stroll through the park.” Amble Hike Lumber March Meander Plod Race Roam Saunter Shuffle stride

ADVERBS: 

ADVERBS MODIFY A GENERIC VERB RED FLAG THAT THE VERB COULD BE PUMPED UP ADD UNNECESSARY LENGTH TO YOUR SENTENCE

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “The boys cautiously enter the bedroom” B. “The boys tiptoe into the bedroom.” Creep Sneak Steal Slink Slip Edge Inch

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “He’s silently gripped by the sight.” B. “the sight grips him.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jack’s eyes promptly shift across the table to Jill.” B. “Jack’s eyes shift to Jill.”

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 A. “Jack falls suddenly onto a pile of bones. B. “Jack collapses onto a pile of bones.” (crashes; flops; dives; plummets; slumps; spills; tumbles)

...AND MY FAV...: 

...AND MY FAV... A. “He silently closes his eyes.” B. DUH.....

GENERIC VERBS: 

GENERIC VERBS WALKS LOOKS SMILES RUNS EATS ENTERS SITS LAUGHS CRIES CLOSES OPENS

ADVERBS TO AVOID: 

ADVERBS TO AVOID SUDDENLY IMMEDIATELY INSTANTLY PROMPTLY DIRECTLY SLOWLY QUICKLY SILENTLY SOFTLY LOUDLY CLOSELY DEEPLY SADLY HAPPILY CAREFULLY CLEARLY nervously

WE SEE / WE HEAR: 

WE SEE / WE HEAR A screenplay represents two kinds of information: sight and sound. All aspects of a screenplay -- story, character, scene, action, everything -- derive from these two kinds of information. Cut all references to the audience. “We” are not in your story. It’s obvious that everything that you display in the description paragraph is something that we see or hear.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jill, trying to concentrate, looks away, to a phone on a nearby table... and we hear the sound of a phone ringing.” B. “Jill looks to a phone on the table by her chair. It rings.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack studies his laptop on the kitchen counter, and we don’t see what’s on the screen when his hand hits ‘ENTER’.” B. “Jack studies his laptop screen... hits ‘ENTER’.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “We see the bird’s eye-view of treetops as we swoop down through the trees toward a single neighborhood house.” “The house resides on an oak-lined suburban street.”

SHOW - DON’T TELL: 

SHOW - DON’T TELL Write in pictures and actions Write what we see and hear Avoid abstract descriptions Avoid describing psychological states

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “He and his words don’t fit with this group – a fish out of water.” B. “He glances around at them, shuffles his feet, and snorts.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. Jack’s been in these situations before – and we sense he and Jill have a history. B. Jack nods to Jill. JACK: ‘your hair’s different.’

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jill’s worst fear is confirmed. It can’t possibly be happening. She’s in a powerless, almost zombie-like state.” B. “Jill swallows hard and shudders. Her eyes glaze over, her chin trembles, and her limbs grow rigid.”

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 Jack and Jill are in bed having sex. It’s not really happening for Jill, but she doesn’t mind. B. Jack plows Jill like a dog drunk on pheromones. Jill stares at the ceiling with a wan smile.

EXAMPLE #5: 

EXAMPLE #5 A. Jill doesn’t understand. She looks at him. He tries to smile but knows it’s inappropriate. B. Jill cocks her head and wrinkles her brow at him. He forces a smile, bites his lip, and shrugs.

HOW DO WE KNOW?: 

HOW DO WE KNOW? Avoid writing something that the audience can’t know by watching the movie. All information is visual or aural. Tell the story with action, dialogue, and sound.

THINGS WE CAN’T KNOW: 

THINGS WE CAN’T KNOW They’ve seen this strange behavior from Jack before. Jack has more important things on his mind. Jack is a solitary man with few words. Jack walks to the other side of the room to overhear the conversation. Jack and Jill decide to stop and have lunch. Jack is about to go inside to a private meeting. Jill is afraid to contradict her husband on anything.

AS / WHILE: 

AS / WHILE These words often create a situation in sentence structure that reverses two actions from the order in which they happen, or the logical progression of actions. Use short sentences put them in the order in which the action is seen on the screen.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jill bolts upright as Jack bursts into the room and yells.” B. “Jack bursts into the room and screams; Jill bolts upright.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack clutches his chest as Jill shoots him point blank.” B. “Jill shoots Jack point blank; he grabs his chest.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jack screams as Jill backs the car over his bike.” B. Jill backs the car over Jack’s bike; Jack screams.” OR... B. Jill backs the car toward Jack’s bike. He screams. The wheels crush the bike. Jack rushes the car with a long, loud howl.

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 A. “A police cruiser has pulled over the black Cadillac. Lights flash as the patrolman gets out and approaches the driver’s side.” B. “The Cadillac sits on the shoulder. A cruiser idles behind it with flashers on. A COP ambles to the Cad.”

EXAMPLE #5: 

EXAMPLE #5 A. “Jill cringes slightly at Jack’s strong whiskey breath as he leans over her.” B. “Jack hovers over Jill. She flinches, gasps, and cringes.”

DON’T DO DOESN’T: 

DON’T DO DOESN’T Write what happens, not what doesn’t happen, what is seen and heard, not what is not seen and heard. If there is no response from a character you show it by not having a response from that character. You don’t have to write "no response." If a character "doesn’t see" something, show what he’s doing, which implies that he’s not seeing something else.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jack’s doesn’t respond to Jill’s wiseass remark.” B. “Jack ignores Jill’s remark.” Stronger writing would show Jack in a non-sequitur action that leaves the remark hanging. B. “Jack picks up another book and opens it.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack watches the door, but Jill doesn’t appear.” B. “Jack stares at the door.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “It’s a dark and stormy night, but it doesn’t rain.” B. “Black clouds obscure the stars. Lightning stabs the darkness. Thunder shakes the windows.”

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 A. Jill opens the door. Standing outside is Jack from before holding a large cardboard box. Jill doesn’t recognize him. B. Jill opens the door and reveals Jack holding a large cardboard box. JILL: Yes? JACK: Uh... Hello, Jill? JILL: Who wants to know?

TRIES TO / ATTEMPTS TO: 

TRIES TO / ATTEMPTS TO If a character "tries to" do something, he’s not really doing it. Write what we see on the screen. We don’t see a character "trying" to do something. We see a character in action in which he doesn’t accomplish his intention. Show that.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Jill, trying to concentrate, looks away.” B. “Jill looks away.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Jack tries to get up and can’t.” B. “Jack pushes up on his elbows... falls on his side.”

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 A. “Jack tries to make this as easy as possible on Jill.” B. “Jack eases Jill into a chair and pats her shoulder.”

STARTS TO/BEGINS TO: 

STARTS TO/BEGINS TO Be aware of over-using these phrases.

CHIT-CHAT: 

CHIT-CHAT Chit-chat is dialogue that two or more characters trade with each other that have nothing to do with the story or character development. Things like ordering food in a restaurant, introducing characters to each other, or aimless cutesy gibberish. You may argue that they are building a relationship, and I ask what does this conversation have to do with your story themes?

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 JACK: Hi, Jill. What’s up? JILL: I’m just chillin’, waiting for Godot. JACK: Kewl. Can I have a beer? JILL: Sure. Get me one, too, okay? JACK: Okay. In the fridge, right? JILL: Right. JACK: ‘Kay. Back in a sec.

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 WAITER: Ready to order? DICK: (to Waiter) Yes. I’ll have a corned beef on rye with mayo, lettuce, and a pickle. WAITER: Got it. (to Jane). And for you? JANE: Yes. I want the fish special with rice and steamed vegies. WAITER: Got it. Anything else. DICK: Yes. Get the hell out of our scene.

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 SECRETARY: Eve is here to see you. ADAM: Eve? SECRETARY: She was at the funeral. ADAM: Oh, yes. Send her back. EVE: Hi! It’s been a long time. ADAM: Seems like ages. EVE: Since Abel’s funeral.

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 JACK: Dick, do you know Adam? DICK: I don’t believe I do. JACK: Adam, this is Dick. Dick, Adam. ADAM: Hello, Dick. Nice to meet you. Jack has spoken highly of you. DICK: We only get high together. JACK: Speak for yourself, Sparky.

YES / NO RULE: 

YES / NO RULE If a character responds to another character with a yes or no followed by an explanation, then cut the "yes" or "no" and get right on with the explanation. The explanation implies the "yes" or "no" and keeps the audience more engaged.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 JACK: You give samples when you were in the joint? DICK: yeah. Didn’t you? DICK: Didn’t you?

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 JACK: You sure he’ll come for me? DICK: of course. He came for me, didn’t he? DICK: He came for me.

EXAMPLE #3: 

EXAMPLE #3 JACK: Why don’t we wake him and see? JILL: No. You don’t wanna do that. JILL: You don’t wanna do that.

EXAMPLE #4: 

EXAMPLE #4 “That sounds like a lot to learn in one day.” “No. It was easy.” “It was easy.”

EXAMPLE #5: 

EXAMPLE #5 “They had a son – Jack. Do you remember him?” “No. To tell you the truth, I didn’t know they had any kids.” “To tell you the truth, I didn’t know they had kids.”

ON THE NOSE: 

ON THE NOSE On The Nose refers to dialogue where the character speaks his/her objective. An objective is the character's subtext in a scene. Rarely do characters say what their objective is. They speak around it in an effort to persuade the other character to give him/her what s/he wants.

EXAMPLE #1: 

EXAMPLE #1 A. “Let’s have sex.” B. “I’d love to take you out to dinner and the theatre to see “SEXUAL PERVERSITY IN CHICAGO,” and maybe drinks later so we can talk and get to know each other better.”

EXAMPLE #2: 

EXAMPLE #2 A. “Joe, how about loaning me money for a down payment on a new car?” B. “Hey, Joe! How’s it goin’? Got a new Beemer, huh? Hey, you must be rollin’ in the dough these days. You’ll never believe this. My engine just blew up. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, man.”

FILM EXAMPLES: 

FILM EXAMPLES A FEW GOOD MEN: DANNY: “You don’t have to have a badge on your arm to have honor.” SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: ANDY: “There’s something inside that they can’t get to – hope.” Red: “Hope is a dangerous thing.”

SLUG LINES - 1 ‘CONTINUOUS’ AS TIME OF DAY: 

SLUG LINES - 1 ‘CONTINUOUS’ AS TIME OF DAY Unless the characters involved move from one location to another, like dining room to kitchen, or INT. to EXT., or EXT to INT., continuing the scene in progress, don’t use this time-of-day tag. In other words, use it if the same scene continues with the same characters in action or dialogue, but is moving from one adjacent location to another. Don’t use CONTINUOUS if it’s a different scene and different characters.

SLUG LINES – 2‘LATER’ AS TIME OF DAY: 

SLUG LINES – 2 ‘LATER’ AS TIME OF DAY Avoid using LATER as a time-of-day tag to your slugs because it doesn’t give an indication of DAY or NIGHT, which is needed by budget people. It’s obvious that it’s later because it comes after the scene before it. Use LATER only if your characters stay in the same setting, but time passes. Then, use LATER as its own slug line without INT. or EXT.

MONTAGE VS SERIES OF SHOTS: 

MONTAGE VS SERIES OF SHOTS These two concepts are often confused with each other and have come to be used interchangeably. The difference is that a MONTAGE incorporates more on the screen simultaneously - at least two or more different but related subjects which dissolve in and out of and onto one another. The opening scenes of "APOCALYPSE NOW" are an excellent example of a MONTAGE. For example: MONTAGE 1. People run in all directions through the streets. 2. People loot stores and run with arms full of clothing and food. 3. Military police work to restore order. 4. Planes fly overhead. END OF MONTAGE Use double-spacing to separate each element. Number each element. The end of the montage must be indicated in capital letters isolated at the direction margin (END OF MONTAGE).

SERIES OF SHOTS: 

SERIES OF SHOTS SERIES OF SHOTS is the slug line you use when you write a sequence of quick action-type "mini scenes" that serve to condense story time. Highlights of a sporting event culminating in a win for the home team would be an example. SERIES OF SHOTS 1. Adam creams the opposing quarterback. 2. Jack passes to Dick and Dick takes it in for a touchdown. 3. Jack kicks a field goal. 4. The scoreboard shows VISITORS – 14; HOME – 17. 5. The scoreboard shows the clock tick to zero. END SERIES OF SHOTS One of the major differences between a SERIES OF SHOTS and a MONTAGE is that a SERIES OF SHOTS uses the major characters and is filmed during the actual shooting schedule of the film. A MONTAGE is put together during post production in the editing process.

PUNCTUATION: 

PUNCTUATION Learn to use the apostrophe correctly. Learn the difference between possessive case and plural. Learn the proper use of commas – before conjunctions; serial comma. Read “THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE” Search internet for grammar sites Take classes at www.writersonlineworkshops.com

PROOF-READ YOUR WORK!: 

PROOF-READ YOUR WORK! SPELLING GRAMMAR PUNCTUATION FORMATTING MAKE EVERY WORD ADD TO STORY CHOOSE POTENT SPECIFIC VERBS MAKE YOUR DIALOGUE POP KILL YOUR DARLINGS CONTINUE PROOFING UNTIL SOLD!

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QUESTIONS?