Love and Romantic Relationships :Love and Romantic Relationships Defining love and romantic attraction Triangular Theory of Love—intimacy, passion, and commitment Different varieties of love Passionate love Companionate love Styles of loving: Eros–an immediate powerful physical attraction Ludus–love as a game Mania–agitated, obsessive, jealous love Pragma–an appropriate match Storge–close friendship Agape–altruistic love


Goals :Goals Sexual satisfaction Family Resources and status


Sexual Satisfaction :Sexual Satisfaction Gender differences Desire Relationships Aggression Plasticity Casual sex Person Variablity Hormones Sociosexual orientation Restricted Unrestricted


Sexual Satisfaction :Sexual Satisfaction Physical attractiveness Matching hypothesis—Berscheid and Hatfield Cultural influences The biology of beauty Symmetry “Averageness” Gender specific characteristics and differences Female—small chin, nose, full lips, .70 hip waist ratio Male—big jaw, chin, brow Halo effects Limitations—super attractive Sociobiology—reproductive strategies Females high investment, quality, pragmatism Males quantity or quality Male and female preferences Age, beauty, and resources Equality


Sexual Satisfaction :Sexual Satisfaction Arousing situations Two factor theory of love Unpleasant experiences Sex as a source of arousal Labeling Ambiguity of love Cultural expectations Field of eligibles Nonverbal cues Cultural norms Interactions Male versus female perceptions of situations Culture and evolution–kibbutzim


Family Bonds :Family Bonds Person Attachment–bond Distress pattern—protest, despair, detachment Style Secure 55% Avoidant 25% Anxious 20% Affected by experience


Family Bonds :Family Bonds Situation Threats Children Same sex competition Gender balance Jealousy Competition Converge over time


Resources and Status :Resources and Status Marital patterns Monogamy Polyandry Polygyny Equity Exchange to communal relationship Equity to need based


Slide 10:Testosterone injected into men with defective testes Testosterone levels measured in women after reporting number of sexual fantasies Testosterone levels affect both sexual dysfunction in men and women


Slide 11:Triangular theory of love Types of love Styles of love Gender differences


Human Sexuality : How men and women differ :Human Sexuality : How men and women differ Peplau Looks at gender differences in: Desire Relationships Aggression Plasticity


Sexual Desire :Sexual Desire Sexual desire- the subjective experience of being interested in sexual objects or activates or wishing to engage in sexual activities.


Sexual Desire in Men :Sexual Desire in Men More interested in sex Rate their own sex drive higher then females Think about sex more often Want sex more them women Visit prostitutes more often More visually stimulated Spend more money on x rated videos and magazines


Sexual Frequency in Couples :Sexual Frequency in Couples Heterosexual–compromise between the desire of male and female partners Homosexual–lesbian couples have sex less often than gay men or heterosexual couples Women more likely to refrain from sex due to religious reasons.


Sexual Relationships :Sexual Relationships Women’s sexuality tends to be strongly linked to close relationships. Women have more romantic view of sexual relationships Intimacy is the important goal.


Sexual Relationships in Homosexuals :Sexual Relationships in Homosexuals Lesbians–more likely to form relationships from preexisting friendships, sexual fantasies are more personal and romantic Gay men–more likely to have sex with partners outside their relationship, have sexual fantasies much like heterosexual males.


Sexual Aggression :Sexual Aggression Sexual concept includes romantic, passionate Men sexual self–concept also includes aggression Extent to which they see them selves as Aggressive Powerful Experienced Dominant Individualistic


Slide 19:Men are more assertive than women Initiate touching Sexual intimacy Sexual fantasies–men are more likely to imagine doing something sexual, take more active role


Rape :Rape Woman use many different ways to get a man to have sex with her but typically not force or violence Physically coercion is more typical of male behavior Stranger & date rape Also seen in heterosexual relationships


Sexual Plasticity :Sexual Plasticity Women’s sexual beliefs and behaviors are more easily shaped by cultural social and situational factors. Changes in sexuality Changes in behavior due to socialization


Changes in Sexuality :Changes in Sexuality Most likely to see variability in sexual frequency in women Women are more likely to change their sexual orientation 25% of 18 -25 year old women who identified as bisexual or lesbian changed their identity five years later.


Changes Due to Socialization :Changes Due to Socialization Women more likely to change behaviors due to situational influences Education: going to college more liberal attitudes Relocation: move to new culture less sexual


Gender difference In Sex :Gender difference In Sex Students at Arizona State University were asked what was the lowest level of intelligence that you would accept in: Single date Sexual partner Date steady Marry


Slide 25:DATE SEX STEADY MARRIAGE Women Men Intelligence And the differences are even more pronounced for one-night stands


Experiment by Clark and Hatfield :Experiment by Clark and Hatfield College students were approached by member of opposite sex and asked one of three questions I have seen you around campus and think you are very attractive, will you: Go out on a date with me tonight Come to my apartment Go to bed with me What do you think they Found?


Slide 27:Go out Go to apartment Go to bed Women Men % Saying “Yes” 0 20 40 60 80 100 (Clark & Hatfield, 1989)


Why the Differences :Why the Differences Sexual encounters with strangers do not fulfill women's goals for sexual relationship. Need for love and intimacy in order to have good sex. Not just fear of pregnancy Birth control In lesbians where no fear of pregnancy, lesbians prefer and lead less active sex lives then heterosexual women


Evolutionary Theory :Evolutionary Theory Differences in cost Given that pregnancy results, what is the minimum investment of copulation for: Minimum Female investment 9 months of pregnancy, 30 lbs of nutrients, 3-4 years of nursing Minimum male investment 5 minutes of copulation 1 sperm, one ten trillionth of an ounce Females make more judicious mate choices Males less discriminate about who they mate with


Attraction :Attraction What makes someone attractive?


Who is More Attractive? :Who is More Attractive?


Attractiveness :Attractiveness Tall/ short Thin/ fat Hairy/ smooth Eye color Hair color


Universal Attractiveness :Universal Attractiveness Hygiene and cleanliness Waist to hip ratio Symmetrical face Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics


Weight to Hip Ratio (WHR) :Weight to Hip Ratio (WHR) Calculated by dividing waist measurement by hip measurement Women with a 0.7 WHR are often rated as more attractive by men regardless of culture, race, religion or ethnicity. Examples: Twiggy, Kate Moss, Salma Hayek & Marilyn Monroe


Preference in Men :Preference in Men Asked to rank the attractiveness of 12 line drawings of average height females figures Different levels of WHR (.7, .8, .9) Three levels of body weight (underweight- 90lbs, normal weight- 120 lbs, and overweight- 150 lbs).


Slide 38:A WHR of 0.7 for women and 0.9 for men have been shown to correlate strongly with general health and fertility Women within the 0.7 range Optimal levels of estrogen Less susceptible to major diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disorders and ovarian cancers. Men with WHR around 0.9 More healthy and fertile Less prostate and testicular cancer


Symmetry :Symmetry Symmetry of features seen as more attractive Symmetry–marker for good health Greater asymmetry was related to more self-reported depression, neuroses, infertility, more physical health problems Associated with greater masculinity and dominance More symmetrical men have shorter courtships before intercourse, they invest the least money and time in them and they cheat on their mates much more often


Faces that Exaggerate Gender Characteristics :Faces that Exaggerate Gender Characteristics Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics seen more attractive then average faces Males Big jaw, chin and large brow reflect androgen Females Smaller chin, nose, fuller lips reflect estrogen


Beauty :Beauty Who is it more important to?


Slide 42:More important to men then to women. Attractive women can raise a mans social status but does not work the other way around. Women more concerned with a mans social status.


Slide 44:Townsend and Levy (1990). Looked at the effects of status (measured by clothing), and attractiveness on female willingness to engage in a romantic relationship. Male targets were pre-rated for physical attractiveness 2 categories: handsome and homely Wore one of three costumes: Blazer, shirt designer tie, Rolex—described as being doctors (high status) Plain white shirt—described as being teachers (medium status) Uniform of a Burger King employee—described as being trainee (low status) Women were more willing to engage in relationships with high status/homely males than with medium or low status handsome males


Halo Effect :Halo Effect Cognitive bias in which the assessment of an individual quality serves to influence and bias the judgment of other qualities Attractive people are seen as having a more desirable personality and more skills than someone of average appearance


Benefits of Attractiveness :Benefits of Attractiveness Attractive individuals more socially competent, have higher self esteem, are less shy and have better social skills Limitations to Attractiveness Super attractive make others feel inferior, not as influential as less attractive Super attractiveness may cause resentment Seen as intellectually inferior


Goal of Romantic Relationships :Goal of Romantic Relationships Sexual satisfaction Establish family bonds Gain resources and status Same as friendship—reassurance and information


Establishing Bonds :Establishing Bonds Passion Fades, so why do we stay on long term relationships? Feeling of intimacy grows as passion fades


Slide 49:Long term commitment in lovers is different than in friends Friends can go on long trip and we easily adjust to their absence Separation from lovers is extremely emotional Losing spouse to divorce or death causes more emotional distress then any other life event Having a marriage partner protects against major illness like cancer


Why Do We Form Attachments :Why Do We Form Attachments People need to belong Separation of lovers is similar to that shown by infants separated from their mothers Protest Crying active searching Despair Obvious sadness Emotional Detachment Coldness when reunited


Attachment Styles :Attachment Styles Some easily form relationships Some demand to much Others avoid commitment by having casual affairs


3 Types Of Attachment Style :3 Types Of Attachment Style Secure attachment Anxious/ ambivalent attachment Avoidant attachment style


Secure Attachment Style :Secure Attachment Style Easily expressed affection towards their mother, did not worry about being abandoned Mothers acted consistently warm and responsive


Anxious/Ambivalent :Anxious/Ambivalent Visibly upset at any separation from their mother, preoccupied with possible abandonment Mothers acted inconsistently Sometimes ignoring children and some times intruding on activities


Avoidant Attachment :Avoidant Attachment Disregarding their mother Refusing attention when their mother returned


Slide 56:Often translates into Adult Relationships


Slide 57:I find it easy to get close to others and feel comfortable having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned


Slide 58:Secure Attachment


Slide 59:I am someone uncomfortable being close to others. I have had a hard time trusting. My Partner wants me to be more intimate then I feel comfortable with.


Slide 60:Avoidant Style


Slide 61:I am reluctant to get close as I would like. I worry about my partner not really loving me and leaving me. I want to merge completely with another person and that pushes people away.


Slide 62:Anxious/ Ambivalent Style


Threats and Attachment :Threats and Attachment Mothers provide a safe haven Situations in life can cause: Fear Anxiety Insecurity


Harlow Monkey Study :Harlow Monkey Study Infant rhesus monkeys separated from mothers Given mom substitutes Monkeys frightened Ran to mother for comfort After comforted went back to explore


Slide 66:Infants develop a schema about feeling and beliefs Secure attached–people can be trusted, they can be a safe haven Insecure attachment–close relationships provide acceptance but sometimes rejection, people are caring one minute and uncaring the next


Adult Attachment :Adult Attachment Hazan and Shaver Adult theory of attachment Secure Anxious/ Ambivalent Avoidant


Play/work :Play/work In children: Play Secure: explore, new toys Anxious/ Ambivalent : too worried about caregiver Avoidant: use play to avoid caregiver


Play/work :Play/work In Adults: work Secure: enjoy work, no fear of failure Anxious/Ambivalent use as a way to again acceptance Avoidant: use as a way to avoid social interaction, less satisfied with work.


Do Attachment Styles Change? :Do Attachment Styles Change? Remain constant over time Attachment styles of 12 month old still the same at 6 years old. Major disruptions can cause change SES/divorce Change in adults Anxious/Ambivalent – Avoidant Anxious/Ambivalent – Secure


Goals of Romantic Relationships :Goals of Romantic Relationships Sexual satisfaction Establish family bonds Gain and maintain resources


Slide 72:Women tend to prefer older men Men tend to prefer younger women What are they looking to gain?


Slide 73:Older men can potentially provide financial resources Younger women can potentially provide more offspring


Differences in want ads :Differences in want ads Men tend to advertise financial resources/ women request them Mature stockbroker looking to invest his time and bank account on young attractive women Young attractive college student looking for older man to spend time and money on her


When Women Gain Resources and Status :When Women Gain Resources and Status Women who have high status/resources more assertive look more for personality/attractiveness Personal ads: Independent professional woman looking for a fun and attractive man to travel around the world with


Slide 76:Norm Li asked people to design a mate under two conditions: High budget: mate dollars Low budget: mate dollars High budget – low sex differences Low budget – men and women made very different choices


Marital Patterns and Resources :Marital Patterns and Resources Marital patterns include Monogamy Polyandry Polygamy


Slide 78:Monogamy—one woman and one man Polygamy—one man with more then one wife Polyandry—one woman with more then one husband usually brothers Why brothers?


Slide 79:Harsh conditions make it hard for single man and woman. Pool resources When couple has more girls then the marriage patterns become polygamist


Slide 80:Polygamy has to do with resources The more resources the more wives A poor man might be able to spend more time with only wife Rich man can provide more resources


When Love Goes Bad :When Love Goes Bad


Slide 82:Lose of a partner causes severe emotional distress What if that person was never your partner? What if you just won’t let go of a relationship?


Slide 83:Erotomania is a disorder where a person is fixated and delusional in the belief that they are passionately loved by another person Usually a spiritual union rather then sexual desire


Slide 84:Mostly seen in women 246 cases 70% women Single Mid 30’s Older high status males In men: Late 20’s Younger attractive women Harass till law intervenes


Slide 85:Erotomania most commonly seen in former lovers or marriage partners Incessant attempts to restore relationship Typically non violent


Unrequited love :Unrequited love 93% of people have experienced unrequited love. Bad for both parties involved Targets feel guilt, confusion and annoyance Would be lovers–damage self esteem, feel led on


Why So Hard to Let Go? :Why So Hard to Let Go? Movies and books : win in the end Target not always clear Self preservation—won’t admit to self unacceptable as a lover


Jealousy :Jealousy Common problem in relationships Usually over same sex competitor Looked at differently by men and women


Slide 89:Imagine that you discover the person with whom you are in a relationship with has become interested in someone else. Which would cause you more distress? Your partner falling in love with someone else Your partner having sex with someone else


Slide 90:Men more distress in sexual infidelity Women more distress in emotional infidelity Why the difference?


Slide 91:Evolutionary theory Men don’t want to raise children that are not their own Women lose resources if man falls in love with another women and leaves her.


Marriage Dissatisfaction :Marriage Dissatisfaction ½ of marriages end in divorce More at risk Lower SES Younger when married Living together before marriage