Mentoring marriages New Wine 2006

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Mentoring Marriages : 

Mentoring Marriages Harry Benson Bristol Community Family Trust

Mentoring marriages: 

Mentoring marriages Why support marriage? What support is out there? How can I make a difference? Mentoring marriages

Why support marriage?: 

Why support marriage? Family breakdown Social consequences Marriage works Great marriage can be learnt Why support marriage

Family breakdown and…: 

Family breakdown and… Crime Truancy Domestic violence Poverty Ill-health Mental health Child abuse Educational problems Emotional problems Relationship problems Substance abuse Why support marriage

Pre-1980 trend - divorce: 

Pre-1980 trend - divorce Why support marriage

Post 1980 trend- cohabitation : 

Post 1980 trend- cohabitation Why support marriage

Children & family breakdown: 

Children andamp; family breakdown Why support marriage

Despite media myths …: 

Despite media myths … Most marriages last for life Most marriages are happy Great marriage can be learnt Why support marriage

What support is out there?: 

What support is out there? Pre-marriage – c.20,000 (1 in 13) Crisis – c.90,000 (1 in 160) Couples – c.10,000 (1 in 1400) Overall – c.120,000 (1 in 120) Mostly at the beginning or end What support is out there

What does support mean to us?: 

What does support mean to us? 'Counselling' or 'Guidance' 'Stigma' 'Problems' 'Experts' What support is out there

How can I make a difference?: 

How can I make a difference? How can I make a difference

Programmes that work: 

Programmes that work Relationship skills courses Pre-marriage inventories (see paper at www.bcft.co.uk) 'What interventions strengthen family relationships' How can I make a difference

Experience, not expertise: 

Experience, not expertise 'Clergy and lay leaders presenting (a relationship skills course) are providing as effective a service as university staff – at least with regard to pre-post changes in couple functioning' Stanley (2001) Community-Based Pre-Marital Prevention, Family Relations. How can I make a difference

BCFT pre-marriage course: 

BCFT pre-marriage course How can I make a difference

Typical mentoring evening: 

Typical mentoring evening Arrive 8pm 1 hour eat, drink andamp; chat 1 ½ hours inventory 1st evening – 1 subject Further evening – 2-3 subjects How can I make a difference

BCFT skills course: 

BCFT skills course Bad Habits Good Habits Attitude How can I make a difference

STOP signs: 

STOP signs S – Score Points T – Think the worst O – Opt out P – Put down How can I make a difference

Love languages: 

Love languages Time Words Actions Gifts Touch How can I make a difference

A tale of two Jennies: 

A tale of two Jennies Informal mentoring Mentoring in prison How can I make a difference

Keys to mentoring …: 

Keys to mentoring … We are uncle andamp; aunt figures We do not have to be experts There are no difficult issues because they do the work We share andamp; point out patterns Mentoring marriages

Great mentoring: 

Great mentoring Point out patterns Listening – eye contact STOP signs Love Languages How can I make a difference

BCFT pre-marriage 2002-06: 

BCFT pre-marriage 2002-06 Mentors Couples Trained 69 265 Moved 13% 1% Withdrawn 14% 31% Active 72% 68% Mentoring marriages

BV pre-marriage 2000-06: 

BV pre-marriage 2000-06 46 couples 11 mentor couples 3 did not marry 0 divorces (4 statistically) Mentoring marriages

Resources: 

Resources Mentoring marriages – Chapter 2 www.bcft.co.uk – Tips and Help Mentoring marriages

Dedication: 

Dedication

Divorce rates - per year: 

Divorce rates - per year Why support marriage

Divorce rates - cumulative : 

Divorce rates - cumulative Why support marriage

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