Understanding Relationships & Dealing With Emotions: Understanding Relationships & Dealing With Emotions Another PowerPoint Experience with Rob Craig rob.craig@cpcc.edu 704-330-6156


Slide2: Functions of Relationships Gender, Culture, and Relationships Dimensions of Relationships Ten Stages of Relationships Death as The Terminator Cost-Benefit Theory of Relationships A.K.A. Social Exchange Theory C H A P T E R Understanding Relationships


Understanding Relationships: Understanding Relationships Deception in Relationships Technology and Relationships Improving Your Relationship Satisfaction


The Role of Relationships: The Role of Relationships The Three Basis Needs Inclusion Affection Control


Slide5: Dimensions of Relationships Breadth – the number of topics to discuss with another person Depth – how central the topics are to your self-concept and how much you reveal Social Penetration Theory (figure 8.1)


Stages of Relationships: Stages of Relationships Stage 1: Initiating contact is first made Stage 2: Experimenting probe the unknown Stage 3:Intensifying become good friends Stage 4: Integrating identified as a couple Stage 5: Bonding make a formal commitment Stage 6: Differentiating seek to retain a unique identity


Stages of Relationships: Stages of Relationships Stage 7: Circumscribing quality/quantity of communication decreases Stage 8: Stagnating communication is at a standstill Stage 9: Avoiding intentionally avoid contact Stage 10: Termination relationship ends


Cost-Benefit/Social Exchange Theory: Cost-Benefit/Social Exchange Theory Cost-benefit/social exchange theory Benefits: Feelings of self-worth Sense of personal growth Greater sense of security Additional resources for accomplishing tasks Increased ability to cope with problems


Cost-Benefit/Social Exchange Theory: Cost-Benefit/Social Exchange Theory Cost-benefit/social exchange theory Costs: Time spent trying to make the relationship work Psychological and physical stress Damaged self-image


Deception & Relationship Development: Deception & Relationship Development Two dominant reasons for deceit: To gain a reward To avoid punishment When lied to, we are both disappointed in the other person and in ourselves Resentful Disappointed Suspicious


Deception & Relationship Development: Deception & Relationship Development Lies are fundamentally destructive to a relationship Few factors have more influence on a relationship than trust


Slide12: Technology and Our Relationships Online communication enables men and women alike to initiate, sustain, and end relationships in new ways Different options IM, Texting, Email, Chatrooms Express different aspects of themselves Enables them to disregard gender, race, and appearance Enables homebound to overcome feelings of isolation


Slide13: Technology and Our Relationships The Internet can also lend itself to personal misrepresentation and deception


Slide14: Improving Relationship Satisfaction Recognize that relationships evolve Know when to sever a relationship Recognize that communication is the lifeblood of a relationship


Slide15: Get It?


Person-to-Person: Person-to-Person Relationships In Context


Person-to-Person Relationships in Context: Person-to-Person Relationships in Context Relationship Contexts You and Your Emotions Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings Conflicts and Relationships


Person-to-Person:Relationships in Context: Person-to-Person: Relationships in Context Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships Recap


Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work: Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work Acquaintanceships—persons we know by name and with whom we converse when the chance arises


Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work: Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work Friendships Role-limited interaction beginning stage of friendship Friendly relations we explore whether we share enough in common to continue building a relationship


Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work: Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work Friendships (continued) Moving toward friendship we make small personal disclosures demonstrating the desire to expand our relationship Nascent friendship finds us considering each other friends


Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work: Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work Friendships (continued) Stabilized friendship we decide whether our friendship is secure and will continue Waning friendship friends begin to drift apart


Rawlins’s Six-Stage Model of Friendship: Rawlins’s Six-Stage Model of Friendship


Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work: Relationship Contexts: From Friendship to Romance to Family to Work Romantic Relationships Toxic communication consistent use of verbal abuse and/or physical or sexual aggression or violence Family Relationships Work Relationships


You and Your Emotions: You and Your Emotions Emotion States and Traits Emotion state particular emotional process of limited duration Emotion traits tendency to experience specific emotions when interacting with others


You and Your Emotions: You and Your Emotions What Do Feelings Feel Like? What Do Feelings Look Like? Emotional contagion catching of another person’s mood Factors in Attraction Complementarity attraction principle which states that opposites attract


Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings: Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings The Role of Feelings in Relationships Suppression and Disclosure of Feelings Censoring Your Feelings Emotional isolationists persons who seek to avoid situations which may require the exchange of feelings


Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings: Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings Suppression and Disclosure of Feelings Effects of Suppressed Feelings on Relationships It’s difficult to resolve conflicts Creates a climate of distortion, misinterpretation, and judgment Can lead to emotional blow-outs Can alienate the other person when their ability to express themselves is stifled Can create an emotional paralysis


Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings: Emotions and Relationships: Working Through Feelings Suppression and Disclosure of Feelings Effects of Disclosed Feelings on Relationships Less threatening for both to reveal their feelings You acknowledge that emotions are acceptable You become more aware of what you are feeling You resolve conflicts productively You teach others how you want to be treated


Conflicts and Relationships: Conflicts and Relationships Conflict perceived disagreement Managing Conflict: Handling Feelings during Conflict


Conflicts and Relationships: Conflicts and Relationships Resolving Conflict: Styles of Expression Nonassertiveness hesitation to display one’s feelings and thoughts Aggressiveness expressing of one’s own thoughts and feelings at another’s expense Assertiveness expressing one’s thoughts and feelings while displaying respect for the thoughts and feelings of others


Technology, Relationships, and the Communication of Emotion: Technology, Relationships, and the Communication of Emotion The Internet can expand our relationship reach Ultimate non-contact, person-to-person network


Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships: Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships Work on feelings you have difficulty expressing or handling Stand up for your emotional rights Check your perceptions Show respect for feelings


Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships: Use a Script to Handle Feelings Assertively DESC script—Describe, Express, Specify and Consequences: a system for expressing one’s feelings and understanding the feelings of another Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships


Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships: Expressing Your Feelings Effectively in Relationships Practice Basic Assertive Behaviors Stop automatically asking permission to speak, think, or behave. Establish eye contact with people with whom you interact face-to-face Eliminate hesitations and fillers from your speech Say “no” calmly, firmly, and quietly; say “yes” sincerely and honestly; say “I want” without fear or guilt


In Closing: In Closing Any Questions?