Scared of being left alone?

Scared of being left alone? : 

Scared of being left alone? Is this something to do?

Slide 2: 

Do you have a feeling that your partner wants to leave you? Does that fear torment you? Are you afraid that you might stay alone forever? You can be paralyzed by these fears of not knowing what to do. In your insecurity you might annoy your partner to reassure you about his/her love. You are always thinking about this anticipated loss and become clingy even though this doesn’t make you more attractive... Good news? This same fear makes you focus on your urgent assignment: your relationship needs immediate attention! It might not be too late! Some possible changes that you can make. Taking a deep breath or two, calm down, and make a big summary of what’s useful and what’s not in this situation!

Slide 3: 

Be cruelly honest to yourself: Do you really want to keep the relationship?   With or Without – you can make a list! What are the advantages if you stay in the relationship? What are the disadvantages if you stay in the relationship? What are the advantages if you lose the relationship? What are the disadvantages if you lose the relationship? A: If you decide, it’s better to let it go: do it in the least harmful way. Neither your, nor your partner’s self esteem has to suffer. Say goodbye in a way that you can keep your nice memories. B: If you decide to fight for this relationship no matter what, let’s see how! (Only if you are quite sure that in 5-10 years you will not regret it!)

Slide 4: 

Is there a third person in the picture? Are you not sure? I know you want to know. Knowing the worst will make less tension than being uncertain about it. But think about the consequences! What are you facing after the confrontation? Options Effect (What you can do if…?) 1:You ask and s/he tells Cry, plea, rage, threat by divorce there is… Blame him/her for divorce 2:You ask and s/he tells Accusation can hurt, cause there is none… resentment 3:You don’t ask, act like Act normally, attract positive you don’t suspect… attention (Slight suggestion: confront if you want a divorce and have a good reason before the court. Stay calm, kind and easy-going if you want to gain the attraction back.)

Slide 5: 

Keeping your partner. Think smart! The more negative feelings you show, the further your partner will escape. Show positive emotions, acknowledgement, appreciation, and you will be more attractive again! Other than that, make an inventory: What did your partner fall in love with? What s/he liked best in you? Your smile? Your prettiness/handsomeness? Your easy-going style? Your acceptance? Your kindness? Your confidence? Your independence? What else? Can you recreate those times and atmosphere? At home? Suggest going out to dinner. Going to a movie. -Take it easy if your suggestion was rejected, go to a friend instead. -Don’t risk anything by pushing confession, nagging, blaming, accusing… Only enjoy innocent conversation and each other’s company.

Slide 6: 

Go deeper: What’s the reason – and treat that! Without self pity, guilt and blaming yourself, figure out what’s the reason of losing your partner’s interest. Make another long list: What was great at start? Has it changed? Which way? -Physical attractiveness -Love -Desire -Activities -Friends -Time spent together -Workload sharing -Communication -Cooperation -Listening to each other -Understanding -Acceptance -Control -Values, priorities Could changes cause the distance? Can they be changed back?

Slide 7: 

Are you storing resentment towards each other? If you hurt each other either by a specific event or along the way with non-respectful communication, finding peace goes through cleaning up the wounds. You might talk about what happened in a respectful way. You might listen, and try to understand the other side of the story. You might ask to listen and understand your side of the story. You might admit your mistakes. You might ask forgiveness, and you might forgive. You might thank for understanding, and forgiveness. Yes Communication No Tell what you see, or happened! No Judgment Tell what you felt, or No Accusation ask how the other felt! No Blaming Claim your need! No Name calling Request what you want! No Verbal or other aggression No Sarcasm With “Me messages” No Threat and attack (I felt neglected when…) No “You messages”

Slide 8: 

Emotional support I hear you saying: it’s incredibly hard to keep your head up high when you’d rather sink into yourself. You are right! So find what and who you can count on to support you. In which way you can reduce stress? People Activity Friends Exercise Relatives Sport Coworkers Gardening Acquaintances Writing Journal Relaxation technique ( free at my Website) Any entertaining group activity -Speak with them only if you Self-exploration, self-knowledge trust in their confidentiality! Professional help Other:…

Slide 9: 

Independence It might be a paradox, but independent people are usually more attractive than dependent people. On the other side, you don’t have to cut yourself off from friends or entertainment just because your partner is not available at the moment. Take the initiative and make your own world fun! What can you do without your partner what that is fun? Volunteering Studying something interesting Participating in group activity Making arts and crafts Spending time with friends Sport Nature – outdoor activities Movie/theater Home project Working

Slide 10: 

Last but not least Exactly because it is an extremely hard situation, I wouldn’t suggest staying in it too long. Sooner or later you or your partner needs to decide if you are staying or going. Until you are ready to make the choice; build independence with various activities, nurture friendships and improve self-esteem values, that you can benefit from inside or outside of this relationship. Don’t forget! Your happiness couldn’t be the effect of someone else’s behavior. Your happiness and balance come from inside of you, the way how you live your life. You are the one who can make your world enjoyable. Humans are social beings, we like to live in a harmonious relationship. However; how much bigger compliment wanting to live with somebody because of his/her unique personality, than needing him/her because we are not capable of living alone?! I bet you also want to be wanted, not needed! Zita Fekete, Copyright 2010 http://SoundSoulCounseling.com