marriage

Slide1: 

ADULT SEXUAL RELATIONS Lois McDermott, Ph.D. Department of Psychology University of Washington McDermott c Copyright 1996. All rights reserved

Cultural Diversity: 

Love & Marriage Cultural Diversity

Marital Forms: 

Marital Forms monogamy life-time, serial industrialized societies de facto most of world’s popul. polygamy polygyny vs. polyandry agrarian societies most societies permit some indiv.

Styles of Sexual Love: 

Styles of Sexual Love monoamory - life-time, serial monofidelity - life-time, serial polyamory - polyfidelity -

Marital Processes: 

Marital Processes marriage by capture (coitus) groomsmen abducted the bride, fought off challengers taken to secluded place “honeymoon” - period of confinement until pregnant marriage by decree religious, royal privilege as booty, social norms

Marital Processes: 

Marital Processes marriage by arrangement dowries paid by wife’s family bride price paid by husbands’ marriage by personal choice focus on individual happiness role of love, sexual attraction courtship, proposal

Marital Timing: 

Marital Timing child - minor, prepubertal adult - age of consent, post pub. pregnancy, birth death death of spouse gender, class differences

Marital Functions: 

Marital Functions paternity rights property rights rights of affection, sexual access right of inheritance non-blood kinship networks

Family Forms: 

Family Forms patrilineal, patrilocal, patriarchy male lineage, residence, power matrilineal, matrilocal, matriarchy female lineage, residence, power both, either, shared, mixed lineage, residence, power

Complex Relations: 

Complex Relations procreation economic unit sexual activity love, affection, companionship passion, pleasure, orgasm in what order?

Love : 

Love

Hartfield and SternbergWin the Golden Fleece Award: 

Hartfield and Sternberg Win the Golden Fleece Award

History of Passionate Love: 

History of Passionate Love the desire for union - physical, emotional, psychological universal human emotion in all times and all places rarely encouraged as the basis for adult bonding threat to social, political, religious order (disastrous consequences)

History of Passionate Love: 

History of Passionate Love 1500 west diverges from rest of world - emergence of the self the rise of individualism, democracy reinforces romantic love West: 500 yrs to make transition Rest of world: - 50 yrs love marriage sweeps the world

Sternberg Model of Love : 

Sternberg Model of Love love

Western Love: 

Western Love passion powerful physical attraction high fantasy, distortion, projection feeling “in love” initiation of the relationship

Western Love: 

Western Love intimacy companionate love - best friend sharing deepest thoughts, feelings affection, enjoyment, accepted shared beliefs, goals, values long-term maintenance

Western Love: 

Western Love commitment compassionate love (“in sickness”) enduring - “‘til death” self-less, giving, kind, patient surviving the hardships of married life

Western Love: 

Western Love validating love basis of self-esteem in adulthood underlies (in)ability to form attachments dependency, security issues jealousy, possessiveness destructive, murderous rage

Western Marriage: 

Western Marriage

Motives for Marriage : 

benefit to society kinship concerns hierarchical (patriarchal) spouse as property segregated roles gender - opposites sex to produce heirs hetero-couplings only benefit to self couple concerns egalitarian spouse as friend shared roles androgyny sex for pleasure varied couplings Motives for Marriage 2000 1500 PROCREATIONAL RELATIONAL RECREATIONAL sex - sex + CELIBATE CHASTE ACTIVE EXPRESSIVE

US Marriages: 1994: 

US Marriages: 1994 reasons to marry 53% love; 32% companionship, 4% romance, 2% financial security, 1% sex marry very similar partners same race, age, education, religion, SES background partners before marriage M = 6, F = 2

Monogamy: 

Monogamy

Monogamous Marriage: 

Monogamous Marriage

Monogamous Marriage: 

Monogamous Marriage

Monogamous Marriage: 

Monogamous Marriage

Monogamous Marriage: 

Monogamous Marriage

Monogamous Marriage: 

Monogamous Marriage

Slide29: 

extramarital relations Monogamy:

extramarital relations: 

extramarital relations w/o spousal approval most common, usually secret long history of high SES men having mistresses, concubines assert prerogative if dissatisfied rectify imbalance reaffirm attractiveness leave marriage

Slide31: 

w/ spousal approval relatively uncommon recognize legitimate need for variety avoid destructive secrecy and betrayal of promises swinging, open marriage, group marriage extramarital relations

De Facto Marriage: 

De Facto Marriage

Cohabitation: 

Cohabitation trial marriage, in lieu of marriage usually eventually marry, does not increase success higher divorce rate - why? liberal, educated, androgynous, erotophilic adults courts recognize legal status at time of dissolution

Same-Sex Relationships: 

Same-Sex Relationships same bonding patterns found as among heteros same importance of attachment same “glue” - love, romance, sexual attraction same phases of development not legally recognized; some religions sanctify bond p. 265

Same-Sex Relationships: 

Same-Sex Relationships impediments to stable relations negative social judgments, hostility fear of discovery forces secrecy no legal wedding, contracts poor support - family, church, job no “family benefits” denial of parenting rights - biological, adopted, assisted reproduction

Other Relational Styles: 

Other Relational Styles polyamory polyfidelity polygamy

Divorce: 

Divorce

Post-Marital Patterns: 1900: 

Post-Marital Patterns: 1900 How long is “life-long”? life expectancy for F = 45 yrs, for M = 55 yrs average duration - 12 yrs dissolution: death, desertion, divorce (from hi to low) secret polygamy major problem

Post-Marital Patterns: 1990: 

Post-Marital Patterns: 1990 How long is “life-long”? life expectancy for F = 80 yrs, for M = 70yrs average duration - 7 yrs dissolution: divorce, death, desertion (from hi to low) is high divorce rate a problem

US Divorce: Meaning?: 

US Divorce: Meaning? less commitment to marriage? higher expectations for happiness easy access to divorce? less desertion and polygamy less social support for couple? isolation, mobile society

US Divorce: Meaning?: 

US Divorce: Meaning? end battering relationships? giving women permission and means to flee independence of females? fewer women marry for financial security - expect happiness and sexual fulfillment

Correction to text: 

Correction to text no fault divorce beneficial to women; does not make vicitms of women women’s standard of living down 30%, males up 10% community property laws help make divorce more equal economically

Sexuality &Aging: 

Sexuality & Aging

Cross-Cultural Perspectives: 

Cross-Cultural Perspectives enormous variation age 70, sex once a day age 60, old rubbish, not fertile importance of a youthful mate old men and young women old women and young men sexual longevity cor. w/ high sex frequency and erotophilia, in young adult years

US: Sexuality of the Aged: 

US: Sexuality of the Aged healthy elderly age 80-102 yrs sexual behavior in last year M - 80% petting, 66% coitus F - 66% petting, 33% coitus ratio of M:F at this age is 1:2 need for sexual opportunity after loss of spouse; in nursing homes

Sex in Later Life: Early Prevention: 

Sex in Later Life: Early Prevention Physical health eliminate nicotine reduce alcohol prevent STDs screen for genital, breast cancer

Sex in Later Life: Early Prevention: 

Sexual behavior use it or loose it oxygenate the genital blood Kegel exercises masturbation partner sex Sex in Later Life: Early Prevention

Now it’s time to say good-bye: 

Now it’s time to say good-bye Live Long and Prosper! Be Careful Out There! The End