The 2 Adventurers :
The 2 Adventurers Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend."Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" asked John.Jack thought for a minute and said."Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"After a moment of silence, John spoke."It tells two things to me. First is that...you are an idiot."Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said. "Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
Mommy, Mommy! :
Mommy, Mommy! Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?Shut up and eat your meat loaf.
Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.
Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?Shut up and get back in the oven
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?Shut up and keep digging.
Two factory workers :
Two factory workers Two factory workers are talking.The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."The man replies, "And how would you do that?"The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
The Smart Blonde :
The Smart Blonde A blonde and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a long flight. To pass the time, the lawyer suggested that they try to stump one another with trivia.
"If I ask you something that you don't know, you owe me $5. The same goes if you ask me something I don't know." The blonde refused.
"Okay. If you don't know an answer, you pay me $5, but if I don’t know an answer, I pay you $50." The blonde accepted. The Lawyer went first. "What is the distance from the earth to the moon?’’The blonde didn't say anything, but merely reached into her purse, pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to the lawyer.
Then it was her turn. "What has four legs going up a hill, but only three coming down?" The lawyer had no idea, so he gave her a $50 bill.
"So, what is it?"
The blonde said nothing, but merely reached into her purse and gave a $5 bill to the lawyer.
Blonde Car Crash :
Blonde Car Crash As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mama ... I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
Comics :
Comics
A blind man vists the state of Texas :
A blind man vists the state of Texas There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!“
ThE eNd :
ThE eNd I got my jokes off the internet
t not mine originally