Emotional Intelligence-4(Habit change)

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Emotional Intelligence -4(Habit change):

By Col Mukteshwar Prasad( Retd ) Based on inputs of Goleman Emotional Intelligence -4(Habit change)

The story of an executive who had a self-defeating leadership habit:

The story of an executive who had a self-defeating leadership habit This is story of an executive who had a self-defeating leadership habit: whenever a direct report’s performance disappointed him, he launched into a vicious attack on that person. The results were always negative: the person felt awful and his performance suffered as a result – and the relationship between the executive and that direct report became toxic . In addition such a leader misses a teachable moment: a chance for constructive feedback on what the person needs to do differently or better in the future.

Reason & solution for self defeating habit:

Reason & solution for self defeating habit The basal ganglia plays a key role in the formation of such leadership habits, both the good ones and the bad ones. As we keep repeating a routine of any kind, the brain shifts its control of the habit from areas at the top of the brain to the basal ganglia at the bottom. As this switch occurs, we lose awareness of the habit and its triggers. The routine springs into action in response to a trigger we don’t notice, and does so automatically. We lose control. To change the habit we must first bring it into consciousness again. That takes self-awareness, a fundamental of emotional intelligence. When that leader became mindful of his self-defeating habit, he realized that it was his own fear of failure that made him panic inside and lose control of his own behavior. He knew it did not help to attack, but could not seem to stop himself. This leadership case came up at a workshop that Goleman gave with Tara Bennett- Goleman on her new book, Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-defeating Emotional Habits , The book explains the neuroscience of habit change. She recommends mindfulness as a way to bring unconscious habits back into awareness where they can be changed. And she outlines a simple five-step process for making that change, especially helpful if the person is working with a coach .

Five step process to affect change :

Five step process to affect change 1) Familiarize yourself with the self-defeating habit. Get so familiar that you can recognize the routine as it starts, or begins to take over. This might be by noticing its typical thoughts or feelings, or how you start to act . You can also follow Paul Ekman's simple suggestion: keep a journal of your triggers. 2) Be mindful . Monitor your behavior –thoughts, feelings, actions – from a neutral, “witness” awareness. 3) Remember the alternatives – think of a better way to handle the situation. 4) Choose something better – e.g., what you say or do that would be helpful instead of self-defeating. 5) Do this at every naturally occurring opportunity.

Repetition for effective change:

Repetition for effective change Tara cites the neuroscience evidence that the more often you can repeat the new routine instead of the self-destructive one, the sooner it will replace the self-defeating habit in your basal ganglia. The better response will become your new default reaction.

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom lines :

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom line s We all want to work in places where we feel at our best. From an employers’ viewpoint , people who feel at their best can perform at their best. Everyone we encounter can impact our sense of wellness. Some encounters are quite nourishing, when we are at our absolute best – in flow – our brain is in a state of neural harmony and maximal cognitive efficiency. We feel great, and can apply whatever skills we may have at their peak

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom lines :

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom lines some toxic. The toxic ones are those that leave us upset – at the neural level. This means an amygdala hijack, where we are in the grip of distressing emotions . The prefrontal area is being driven by the agitated amygdala : we can’t focus on anything besides what’s upsetting. We remember best whatever is relevant to that upset, and we fall back on ways of thinking and acting from childhood. Not the best state to get work done in.

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom lines… :

Emotional wellness at work = healthy bottom lines… Leadership has a great deal to do with which way our inner state goes. Emotions are contagious . And they flow most strongly from the most powerful person in a group outward. This gives leaders a great tool, and a great responsibility. A leader needs to manage her own emotional state well, so she can impact others in the direction of well being. That impact is not so much in what a leader does, as what he sends in nonverbal – tone of voice, facial expression, all the emotional channels the brain has been wired to read and react to. So this happens best when those signals reflect the leader’s own state. Helping others get and stay in that state of well being begins with helping ourselves

lf from stress :

lf from stress Stress hits each of us differently. Some of us feel it in our bodies – called "somatic": things like getting butterflies in your stomach, or indigestion, a racing heart or the jitters.. Others just can't stop worrying. But some people are prone to experiencing their stress mentally, for the most part. The stress that you feel in your mind – like worrisome thoughts that keep you up at night or that continually intrude into your focus during the day -- is "cognitive" stress. In either case, we can feel awful. And being in the grip of distress not only feels bad – it cripples our ability to work effectively.

lf from stress :

lf from stress So the trick is insulating ourselves from that negativity, or recovering from it if we do feel badly. Here the EI tools are self-awareness and self-regulation . Self-awareness lets us recognize when those distressing feelings are beginning to build. Self-regulation tells us what to do about it so we don’t end up being emotionally hijacked.

lf from stress :

lf from stress An all-around emotional self-management tactic, like a daily session of meditation or relaxation is recommended. This helps in several ways. First, it resets your brain so you are triggered less easily and less often by other people. Second, it trains your brain to recover more quickly and be more resilient . Third, it gives you a tool you can use for a few moments on the spot (or as soon as you can close your door, if you have one).

lf from stress.. :

lf from stress.. Of course, not everyone will benefit from a body-focused relaxer like yoga, just as meditation may not be the most effective way to fight stress for every person. You don't have to take a psychological test to find out which methods will work best for you – you can make the match most precisely through simple trial and error -- after all, you are the final judge of what will help you. But once you find a relaxer that you enjoy and that leaves you feeling less tense, try to find a time -- even just 10 or 15 minutes -- in your routine when you can practice it daily. The more you practice, the easier it will be for your body to get into that relaxed state in even a few minutes of applying your relaxation method.

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