Anger and Stress Management : Anger and Stress Management Personal Development Club 1 Tables of Contents : Tables of Contents Anger Management
Anger – The Definition
Sources of Anger
Types and Levels of Anger
Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger
12 Steps to Calm Yourself
Letting Go and Forgiveness
12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively
10 Anger-Free Thoughts
Gaining Supports 2 Tables of Contents : Tables of Contents Stress Management
Stress – The Definition
Types of Stress
Sources of Stress
Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress
Coping with Stress – Effective Coping
5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities
5.2. Staying in Good Mood
5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality
5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits
Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping 3 ANGER MANAGEMENT : ANGER MANAGEMENT 4 1. Anger – The Definition : 1. Anger – The Definition Anger – the emotion that makes us instinctively detect and respond to a threatening situation.
Males are more angrier than females
Anger is bad (or anger is good)
The older you get, the more irritable you are
Anger is all in the mind
Anger is all about getting even
Only certain types of people have a problem with anger
Anger result from human conflict 5 2. Sources of Anger : 2. Sources of Anger Hurt
Threat to people, things or
ideas that we hold dearly.
Anger management focuses on managing your response to anger, not anger itself.
“Avoid 5 minutes of anger, survive from 5 years of regret.” 6 3. Types and Level of Anger : 3. Types and Level of Anger 7 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger : 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger Motives behind anger
Bringing about a positive change
Letting off the stream
Benefits of anger
Anger is a built-in resource
Anger is invigorating
Anger serves as a catalyst for new behavior
Anger protects you from harm
Anger is an antidote to impotence 8 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger : 4. Benefits and Drawbacks of Anger Drawbacks of anger
Robbing your energy
Affect your health indirectly
Smoking, drinking, obesity, high blood
pressure, high cholesterol – etc.
Affect your health directly
Unsafe sex, on-the-job injuries, road rage, violence
Sabotage your career
Getting off the track easily, heading in the wrong direction, ask the wrong question, engaging in counter-productive behavior
Ruin your marriage and/or other relationships
Affect those who you care about 9 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself Step 1: Keep a “hostility log”
Record what make you angry and how frequent
Step 2: Acknowledge yourself
Identify and accept that anger is your roadblock
Step 3: Use your support network
Gain support and motivation from your important people
Step 4: Interrupt anger cycle
Pause and take deep breaths
Tell your self you can handle the situation
Stop the negative thoughts 10 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) Step 5: Use empathy
See from the perspective of those who make you angry.
Keep in mind that people make mistakes, and through mistakes that people learn how to improve.
Step 6: Laugh at yourself
Keep sense of humor, don’t take things so seriously.
Step 7: Relax
Remember! The little things will not give you away.
Step 8: Build trust
Building trust with other people helps to reduce the likelihood of anger. 11 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) : 5. 12 Steps to Calm Yourself (cont.) Step 9: Listen
Miscommunication contributes to frustrating and mistrusting situations.
Step 10: Be assertive
Learn to assert yourself and let other people know your expectations, boundaries, issues – etc.
Step 11: Live each day as if it is your last
Life is short; better spend positively than negatively.
Step 12: Forgive
It’s not easy to let go past hurts and resentment, but the way to move your anger is to ‘forgive’. 12 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness Human are born with instinctual capacity for anger, but forgiving is a skill need to learn.
Forgiveness takes time.
Forgiveness requires supports.
Forgiveness demands sacrifice.
You have to be safe.
You have to accept the frailty of human nature.
You don’t have to forget the past. Holding to anger is like grasping a hot charcoal with an intent of throwing it to someone else. You are the one who gets burned. 13 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) Cost of holding anger
You constantly relive the painful past
Old anger finds its way into your present
& future relationship
You feel drained as a result of all that anger
You continue to feel like a victim
You lose sight of the positives in your life
You remain in a constant state of mourning
Your health is compromised
You have difficulty also forgiving yourself
You remain in a constant state of tension
Your unresolved anger turn into bitterness & hostility 14 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) Benefits of letting go
Your energy is freed up for constructive use
Your life is now focused on present rather than the past
You no longer feel so vulnerable
Your outlook becomes much more optimistic
When you forgive, others tend to forgive you
It becomes easier to forgive yourself – for being human
Your health improves
You experience an inner peace that you haven’t felt before
You have a newfound sense of maturity
You move beyond the pain of past transgressions 15 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) : 6. Letting Go and Forgiveness (cont.) How to forgive
Identify the source of your anger
Acknowledge your angry feelings
Legitimize your anger
Give yourself permission to express anger
List 3 ways in which your life is better off by letting go of anger
Express anger without hurting yourself or others
Acknowledge your fear
Acknowledge that being nice doesn’t mean powerless
Trying the 10-minute rant
Living without resolution
Time’s up: let it go! 16 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively : 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively Step 1: Decide how you want to feel after anger
Step 2: Acknowledge your anger
Step 3: Focus your anger on problem, not person
Step 4: Identify the source of problem
Step 5: Accept that the problem can be solved
Step 6: Walk in the other party’s shoes 17 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively : 7. 12 Steps to Use Anger Constructively Step 7: Co-op with the other party
Step 8: Keep a civil tone throughout
Step 9: Avoid disrespectful behavior
Step 10: Leave some space and time
Step 11: Make it two-way communication
Step 12: Acknowledge that you’ve made progress
You will not be punished for your anger,
but by your anger.
“Treat others the ways you want to be treated.” 18 8. 10 Anger-Free Thoughts : 8. 10 Anger-Free Thoughts No one can make you angry without your consent
Anger is boomerang – so does love
It’s only money
Other people are not the enemy
Life isn’t fair – not even at the top
Energy is a terrible thing to waste
Don’t kid yourself: we’re all bozos
This isn’t the hill you want to die on
There is nothing you can achieve in anger that you can’t achieve without it
When you’re dealing with people, you’re not entitled to a damn thing 19 9. Gaining Supports for your Anger : 9. Gaining Supports for your Anger Emotional support
To get those supports, keep in mind:
Most people want to be supportive, give them chance
Be willing to give support to your friends and family
No one person can satisfy all your needed supports 20 STRESS MANAGEMENT : STRESS MANAGEMENT 21 1. Stress – The Definition : 1. Stress – The Definition Stress - a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.
Two primary stressors: Minor stressors
Daily hassles, hurrying to meet deadline, being interrupted while talking, being disturbed while taking nap, driving in heavy traffic, misplacing an important thing – etc Major stressors
Critical life events, being fired from your job, having chronic life-threatening disease, the death of loved one, separating from your spouse, bankruptcy, natural disaster, crimes – etc. 22 2. Types of Stress : 2. Types of Stress Cumulative stress
Stress that accumulates
over time. It’s one thing
adding to another and
another, until you can’t
take it anymore. Chronic stress
Stress that just won’t go
away. It stays with you all
time. 23 2. Types of Stress : 2. Types of Stress Catastrophic stress
The horrific stress
resulted from life
threatening event. Control stress
Stress resulted when
a person feel over-
whelmed of his/her life. 24 3. Sources of Stress : 3. Sources of Stress Pressure
The result from the threat of negative events. Frustration
The result of being unable to satisfy a motive. Conflict
The state in which two or more motives cannot be satisfied because they interfere with one another. 25 3. Sources of Stress (cont.) : 3. Sources of Stress (cont.) Life events
Psychologically significant events that occur in a person’s life such as divorce, terrorism, tragedy – etc. Environment condition
The aspects of the environment in which we live such as temperature, air pollution, noise, humidity – etc. 26 4. Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress : 4. Factors Influencing Reaction to Stress In term of stress, better ask what type of person has a disease rather than what type of disease a person has.
Prior experience with stress
Predictability and control
Ethnicity 27 5. Coping with Stress – Effective Coping : 5. Coping with Stress – Effective Coping Removing stress
Identify and eliminate sources of stress from our lives.
Change how we think about and/or interpret the stressful events.
Managing stress reactions
When the source of stress cannot be removed or changed, manage your psychological and physiological reactions to the stress. 28 5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities : 5.1. Adopting Hardy Personalities Be the master of your own destiny
Believe in your own ability to deal
Be a player, not a spectator
Wholeheartedly involve in everyday
activities and social relationship,
rather being alienated.
Transform catastrophes into challenges
View life’s stressors as opportunities
for personal growth rather than a burden
to be endured. 29 5.2. Staying in Good Mood : 5.2. Staying in Good Mood Laughter – the best medicine
Laughter reduce pain sensitivity for both physical and emotional pain. So make yourself and people around you laugh as much as you can.
Hanging around with optimists
Stress is contagious. Envision a hopeful future with your optimist peers. 30 5.2. Staying in Good Mood (cont.) : 5.2. Staying in Good Mood (cont.) Finding the good in the bad
Try to identify at least one benefit from a bad situation.
Calculating your positivity ratio
Create your daily emotion log.
Count positive & negative emotions you experienced.
Divide positive emotions by negative ones.
If the ratio is less than 2.9, you’re in trouble. If it’s 2.9 or higher, you’re more than okay. Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose. 31 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality : 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality Type A personality
The behavior pattern that is associated with multiphasic activity, in which the person engages in several activities at once as part of a continual effort to do more and more in less and less time. Type A characteristics
Are always moving, walking, and eating rapidly
Strive to think or do two or more things at once
Cannot cope with leisure time
Are obsessed with numbers, measuring their success in term of how much or how many of everything they acquire… 32 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality (cont.) : 5.3. Becoming a Type B Personality (cont.) Type B personality
Behavior pattern characterized by patience, an even temper, and willingness to do a limited number of things in a reasonable amount of time.
Moving from A to B:
Focus on who you are rather than what you do
Look at your own competitive streak
Converse without numbers
Take off your watch
Resist what society tells you to do
Seek diversity in relationships
Cultivate the arts
Let curiosity rein 33 5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits : 5.4. Changing Health-Related Habits Learning to relax
Practice relaxation methods: progressive relaxation, relaxation response, yoga, meditation – etc.
Improving eating habits
Maintain healthy diet to avoid high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc.
Doing regular aerobic exercise
Reduce the rate of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc.
Adopting medical compliance
Reduce the likelihood of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke – etc. 34 More Health Tips : More Health Tips Moderate or no use of alcohol
Sleeping seven to eight hours nightly
Never or rarely eating between meals
Being at or near your ideal weight for your height
Regular physical exercise
Never smoking cigarettes
Eating breakfast almost everyday 35 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping : 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping Aggression
A common reaction to frustration. Withdrawal
Dealing with stress by avoiding it (escapism). 36 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping : 6. Coping with Stress – Ineffective Coping Self-medication
Using of alcohol & other drugs to soothe their emo-tional reaction to stress. Defense mechanisms
The unrealistic strategies used by the ego to discharge tension. 37 More about “Defense Mechanisms” : More about “Defense Mechanisms” Defense mechanisms can be effective in the short-run in helping us feel better, but they interfere long-term solutions to stress if they distort reality to a great extent.
Displacement: angry the bull, hit the cart.
Sublimation: convert impulse into socially approved activities: schoolwork, sports – etc.
Projection: one’s own dangerous or unacceptable desires or emotions are seen not as one’s own but as the desires or feelings of others.
Reaction formation: conflicts over dangerous motives or feelings are avoided by unconsciously transforming them into opposite desire. 38 More about “Defense Mechanisms” (cont.) : More about “Defense Mechanisms” (cont.) Regression: stress is reduced by returning to an earlier pattern of behavior.
Rationalization: stress is reduced by explaining it away in ways that sound logical about the breakup.
Repression: when potentially stressful, unacceptable desire are kept out of consciousness without the person being consciously aware.
Denial: conscious denial of upsetting feelings & ideas.
Intellectualization : the emotional nature of stressful events is lessened at times by reducing it to cold, intellectual logic. 39 List of References : List of References W. Doyle Gentry, PhD, Anger Management for Dummies, Wiley Publishing Inc. 2007, ISBN: 0-470-03715-6
Benjamin B. Lahey, Psychology : An Introduction – Eighth Edition, McGraw-Hill, 2004, ISBN: 0-07-256314-1
Lester M. Sdorow & Cheryl A. Rickabaugh, Psychology, Quebecor World Versailles Inc. 2002, ISBN: 0-07-235832-7