One Sided Marriages Exist

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What causes one sided marriages? Is there tension in these kinds of marriages? How do we resolve these types of marriages? It is very easy for one spouse becoming a ‘prey’ in the relationship.

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One sided marriages exist:

One sided marriages exist What causes one sided marriages? Is there tension in these kinds of marriages? How do we resolve these types of marriages? It is very easy for one spouse becoming a ‘prey’ in the relationship. Kigume Karuri Thursday, September 8, 2016 1

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I had an opportunity to listen to a spouse who has ended her relationship and marriage to her husband. During the discussion, she was honest enough to share with me her marriage experience. In the nine years of her marriage life, she was the person leading, providing, supporting, working, etc. The husband would take a back seat and just be there for the sake of the marriage. Kigume Karuri Thursday, September 8, 2016 2

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The burden and pains of being in A One Sided Marriage are enormous. The pains of almost doing everything in provision, decision making, leadership, guidance and parenting are huge. One wears out and his/her stamina cannot stand this marriage any more. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 3

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John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you . ( NKJV) We are called to love one another with God’s sacrificial love as one flesh. Listen for your spouse's heart, and reflect on your own. Seek to walk alongside your spouse, ready to help them bear their burdens. Laugh, weep, shout, and walk together, and do it always leaning on the strength of the Lord.   Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 4

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A majority of the relationships end, as they might not always be based on two people genuinely being interested in each other but two people who are just trying each other out. The commitment might not be there, so one spouse takes advantage of the other. One spouse b ecomes a ‘prey’ in the relationship. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 5

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Tension then starts as it is very frustrating to be in this marriage and time hence comes for her/him to leave this marriage. It is very p ainful to be in this type of marriage. One may consider abandoning the marriage all together. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 6

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Tension in the home is generally felt by everyone under the roof, but sometimes one spouse will experience it much more acutely than another. Everyone experiences things differently, so it is not uncommon for spouses to have different perceptions of how things are going in the relationship . Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 7

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If one spouse is expressing frustration in the relationship that the other spouse does not feel, it does not mean one person is wrong, but rather their experience of things is very different. It may be that we are just different people who don’t think the same and are not sensitive to the same things. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 8

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Something that communicates love or insult to one person might not communicate love or insult to another . Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 9

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We process differently; if a time of relative silence passes between spouse, for example, they may each read into that silence very different motives or meanings. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 10

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We might include different comfort levels with disagreement. A difference of opinion might not feel significant to one party, but to the other it feels like major conflict . In any case, we are out of tune with how our spouse is feeling, and are called to walk more closely together. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 11

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If one spouse is unhappy, there are two needs to be addressed; First is a call for the content spouse to show some attention and empathy, and Second is for the unhappy spouse to reflect on their own hearts as the source of the unhappiness . Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 12

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We want to be attentive to our spouse's feelings, but each of us bears the responsibility for our own feelings . I t should be your desire that your spouse feels loved and cared for in your marriage relationship. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 13

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Take time to listen to your spouse's concerns and earnestly seek some resolution. To brush off their concerns because you don’t share them will only serve to widen the gap between you. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 14

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You may not understand why your spouse is unhappy, but choose to seek understanding . Ask how you can come along side and show you understand your spouse's experience. God has made you one, so seek to bear that burden together. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 15

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Matthew 19:5-6 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate .“ ( NKJV) Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 16

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N o one makes us feel anything; our feelings come from our own hearts. If you are hurting, ask yourself why. What has been hooked in you in this situation, and how is it like past situations? Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 17

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Why do you feel this way when others don't? Sometimes new hurts are rehearsals of old hurts, reminders of past pain still in need of healing. O ur spouses can walk along side us, but they can never solve these issues or heal old wounds . Only God is the Great Physician . "He hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted" (Luke 4:18 ). Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 18

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A majority of the relationships end, as they might not always be based on two people genuinely being interested in each other but two people who are just trying each other out. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 19

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People can be sick and difficult to understand, not because they are terrible human beings playing with each other’s emotions and spreading around the epidemic of emotional damage but because living in denial is always easier than seeing things for what they are. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 20

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Lots of people are in a need to be fixed when in reality they are just breaking more and more people on that quest. S ee to it that your relationship is made up in your mind or not. DON’T ENTER MARRIAGE WITH NO COMMITMENT AND UNWILLING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTIRE PROCESS. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 21

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If mutual respect towards each other’s existence, interests, profession, contribution to the relationship, time, space, bodies or anything else does not exist, then you are just counting the days until you get sick of each other and break up. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 22

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You can only pretend for a while before your true colours are known. Pretending to be someone you’re not only works out for so long because sooner or later you will be comfortable enough to show who you really are and the other person will feel terribly cheated and manipulated at that point . Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 23

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Marriage is a two way process that makes the two of you be fully participatory. In the One sided marriage, spouses endure instead of enjoying Most of these marriages don’t take long before one of the spouses gives up. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 24

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It is worse when men don’t get involved in their marriages and leave everything to their wives. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 25

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Husbands are supposed to play their rightful roles as husbands and take their rightful place of headship over their wives. This what the women want. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 26

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Matthew 19:7-10 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 27

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And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry .“ ( NKJV) Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 28

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It is NOT God’s will to divorce but in some circumstances it is advisable to be away from each other. Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 29

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