marriage2011

MATRIMONY: Sanctification in family life THE ART AND SCIENCE OF LOVE:

The best gift you can give your child Bukit Tiram House, 5th March 2011 MATRIMONY: Sanctification in family life THE ART AND SCIENCE OF LOVE

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Matrimony: natural contract Raised to the dignity of a Sacrament. Holy Covenant  Fidelity Faithfulness LOVE INTRODUCTION: MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM

Which love?:

Which love? Today the word LOVE is tarnished, spoiled and abused. But we cannot abandon it. We need to purify it. We need to give it back to its original splendour and meaning. Love leads us in our lives. There we find happiness. The problem is the obstacles to find real love. “I love you…” “I want to use you…”

"The love which God lavishes upon us“ (Pope Benedict):

"The love which God lavishes upon us“ (Pope Benedict) No love. Long face.

"The love which God lavishes upon us.“ (n. 18):

"The love which God lavishes upon us.“ (n. 18) Love: Happy face.

1. Free contract: :

1. Free contract: Ends of Marriage: 1. mutual help of the couple 2. procreation and education of children “For better or for worse, till death do us part” Properties of Matrimony: A. Unity B. Indissolubility

1.a. UNITY :

1.a. UNITY A CONTRACT NATURAL INSTITUTION SACRAMENT .

Sacramental contract:

Sacramental contract Conditions: Age; Free will; Knowledge of the terms of the contract (UNITY & INDISSOLUBILITY) & maturity to accept commitment; Catholics (dispensation for mixed marriages); Canonical form; Capable of having marital relationship.

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2. Total Fidelity Man, the Image of the God Who Is Love God is love, and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion . Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. St Thomas Aquinas: “To love is to will the good of another”. Fidelity Felicity

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LOVE = caritas Physical Emotional Spiritual Supernatural INTRODUCTION: MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM

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LOVE = caritas Physical  eros (to receive from the other) Emotional  philia (friendship) Spiritual  agape (unconditional love, to give oneself to the other) Supernatural  LOGOS (related to the teachings and grace of God) INTRODUCTION: MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM

Caritas – Love (nn. 4-8):

Caritas – Love (nn. 4-8) Eros , reduced to sex has become a commodity, a mere thing to be bought and sold ( a debasement of the human body). But this is the INTOXICATED EROS.

Man and woman:

Man and woman Different characteristics: physiological - not through education or environment. Different affectivity. Way body is made affects spirit Gender moulds emotional and intellectual life of man and woman Feel, perceive reality, seek solutions to problems in different way

UNITY LOVE :

UNITY LOVE Top suggestions for how to keep your marriage strong.

UNITY:

UNITY 1. Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. Husbands who have the ability and willingness to listen to their wives, who attempt to see the validity of their arguments and make concessions have marriages that tend to succeed. The husbands who have the ability to hear and appreciate their wives point of view are doing what predicts success. This is so crucial because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well. This is especially hard for men who may feel like they must stay in charge and make all the decisions.

UNITY = LOVE:

UNITY = LOVE 2. Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road

UNITY = LOVE:

UNITY = LOVE 3. Learn to repair and exit the argument . Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humour; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win; and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for."). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

UNITY = LOVE:

UNITY = LOVE 4. Focus on the bright side - building an Emotional Bank Account. Marriages that are successful have a 5 to 1 ratio of positive statements to not so positive. For every negative comment/action they give at least five positives in return. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. They daily make deposits to their partner’s emotional bank account and fill it up so that it is “in credit” so that when there is a conflict one has in the back of their mind that their partner does love them even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. Simply, fondness and admiration are the antidotes for contempt and judgment.

UNITY = LOVE:

UNITY = LOVE 5. Write down specific weekly or monthly goals: A) Show interest B) Show affection C) Show your care and concern: Express your concern verbally — “it sounds like you had a really rough day at work today.” D) Be appreciative E) Listen so you can understand F) Be accepting: Sometimes you may disagree with your partner. However, you can still respect your partner. G) Lighten things up: Be playful, joke, and enjoy each other’s company. Use jokes and playful teasing as long as it isn’t hostile or sarcastic towards your partner.

LACK OF LOVE:

LACK OF LOVE For Gottman, the foundation of a happy marriage is FRIENDSHIP with your spouse. Of the reasons given by couples for divorcing, absence of positive loving emotion and connection is the most common given by close to 80%, while only 40% give severe and intense fighting as the reason.

Indissolubility:

Indissolubility POSITIVE loving and connection: the main variable that predicts both marital stability and happiness. Successful couples intentionally build their friendship with each other. They express fondness and admiration for each other. They express appreciation and gratitude to their partner building on areas of strength in the relationship. They decrease times of "turning away", and consciously "turn toward" the partner, especially when their partner makes "bids for connection".

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A good marriage benefits your health and longevity by boosting your immune system Above all, always notice, give attention to and be appreciative and “keep you heart in wonder of the daily miracle” of your partner and family.