Dean Amory - techniques for coaching

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Whether you are considering life coaching as a career or as a serious self coaching process, Dean Amory's Complete Life Coaching and Personal Coaching Course is your best guide for coaching your coachees and yourself towards maximizing your life potential and achieving a happier and more fulfilled life. This is the first in a series of three books. Part 1, “Personal Coaching” is about what Personal Coaching is and offers a survey of the most popular models for Coaching. Part 2, “Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self Coaching” introduces you to the most powerful coaching techniques in use. Part 3, “Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches”, is a practical standard reference work highlighting the indispensable knowledge and skills anybody who is considering life coaching as a career or as a serious self coaching process,

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Essential Essential Knowledge Knowledge for for Personal Personal Coaches Coaches Dean Amory 872

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Title: Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches Compiled by: Dean Amory Dean_Amoryhotmail.com Publisher: Edgard Adriaens Belgium eddyadriaensyahoo.com ISBN: 978-1-4716-6926-2 © Copyright 2011 Edgard Adriaens Belgium - All Rights Reserved. This book has been compiled based on the contents of trainings information found in other books and using the internet. It contains a number of articles and coaching models indicated by TM or © or containing a reference to the original author. Whenever you cite such an article or use a coaching model in a commercial situation please credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or credited please contact me at: eddyadriaensyahoo.com 873

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The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. – Benjamin Disrael Cover picture: 70-ies commercial ad 874

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TABLE OF CONTENTS 4/ INTRODUCTION..............................................................877 4/ USEFUL SKILLS ..............................................................878 4.1. PROBLEM SOLVING ...................................................878 4.2 DEALING WITH OBSTACLES AND RESISTANCE901 4.3 FIXING GOALS..............................................................934 4.4 MOTIVATING OTHERS ..............................................949 4.5 SURFING THE FLOW SPIRAL ...................................956 4.6 INCREASING SELF ESTEEM .....................................976 4.7 RESOLVING CONFLICT .............................................995 4.8 DYSFUNCTIONAL PERSONALITY TYPES...........1008 4.9 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE ...................1013 4.10 LEARNING STYLES .................................................1034 4.11 CHANGE MANAGEMENT .......................................1050 4.12 THE GRIEF CYCLE ...................................................1082 4.13 KNOWING AND NOT KNOWING...........................1089 4.14 RELAPSE PREVENTION..........................................1156 4.15 BRAINSORTMING.....................................................1159 4.16 DESENTISATION.......................................................1175 4.17 BUILDING ASSERTIVENESS ..................................1176 4.18 ROOT CAUSE ANALYSIS.........................................1178 4.19 THE JOHARI WINDOW............................................1180 4.20 DECISION MAKING..................................................1183 4.21 TIME MANAGEMENT ..............................................1188 4.22 STRATEGIC PLANNING ..........................................1223 4.23 ACTION PLANNING..................................................1244 4.24 THE POWER OF HABITS .........................................1254 4.25 THE ART OF DELEGATION ...................................1258 4.26 AFFIRMATIONS AND POSITIVE THINKING .....1266 4.27 STAGES OF THE CHANGE CONTINUUM............1275 875

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4.28 CONGRUENCE ..........................................................1280 4.29 AUTHENTICITY........................................................1282 4.30 PARADIGMS ..............................................................1286 4.31 BALANCE ...................................................................1290 4.32 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE E.Q....................1297 4.33 THE FIVE FREEDOMS.............................................1305 4.34 GENDER DIFFERENCES.........................................1311 4.35 PITFALLS FOR COACHING...................................1314 4.36 FEAR ............................................................................1315 4.37 TEAMWORKING AND TEAMROLES ...................1322 4.38 ANGER MANAGEMENT ..........................................1326 4.39 LEADERSHIP STYLES..............................................1358 4.40 SWOT ANALYSIS.......................................................1392 4.41 THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD KNOWN SOONER1416 4.42 HOW TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE..............................1447 4.43 THE MINTO PYRAMID PRINCIPLE......................1457 5 EXAMPLES OF COACHING DOCUMENTS ..............1460 5.1 EXAMPLE OF GENERAL INFORMATON FORM1460 5.2 EXAMPLE OF COACHING AGREEMENT............1466 5.3 EXAMPLE OF COACHING COMMITMENTS.......1471 5.4 EXAMPLE OF ASSESSMENT FORM ......................1473 876

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INTRODUCTION This is the third part in a series of three books about Personal coaching. Part 1 “Personal Coaching” is about what Personal Coaching is and offers a surview of the most popular models for Personal Coaching or “Life Coaching” and Self Coaching. Part 2 “Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self Coaching” introduces you to the most powerful coaching techniques in use and describes the most successful questions and strategies for coaching. Part 3 “Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches” is a practical standard reference work highlighting the knowledge and skills that are indispensable for anybody who is considering life coaching as a career or as a serious self coaching process Dean Amorys Complete Life Coaching and Personal Coaching Course is your best guide for coaching your coachees and yourself towards maximizing your life potential and achieving a happier and more fulfilled life. Personal Coaching is an invaluable training manual for anybody who takes life coaching seriously. 877

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4/ Useful Skills 4.1 PROBLEM SOLVING The ability to respond effectively to problems is associated with improved treatment outcome. Supporting development of problem solving skills can be clinically useful and is best achieved through: - a combination of verbal and written information - demonstration when possible - learning through practice and feedback Developing problem solving skills can consist of identifying occasions when the coachee has solved other problems and noting the steps they took. Effective problem solving can be learned. It consists of five steps: 1. Orientation Stand back from the problem view it as a challenge not a catastrophe. How might someone else solve this 2. Define the problem it is important to be specific Coachee: ‘My wife and I do not get on’ Clinician: ‘Give me an example of what you mean’ Coachee: ‘She doesn’t like me being out on Friday nights’ 3. Brainstorm solutions At this stage anything goes. Identify as many solutions as possible — discourage evaluation and a search for quality. 878

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4. Decision making The coachee with your help but not direction reviews the positives and negatives of each of the options and their ability to implement them and makes an informed choice of the best options to embrace. 5. Implementation A plan of action is developed and the option is implemented. Sometimes it is useful to rehearse the option where possible to test out the viability of the strategy and to increase self-efficacy confidence. It is not the coach’s responsibility to solve the coachee’s problems but to teach a skill that he or she can use in a variety of circumstances. IDEAL METHODE OF PROBLEM SOLVING Whatever issue you are faced with some steps are fundamental:  Identify the problem  Define the problem  Examine the options  Act on a plan  Look at the consequences 879

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There are several stages to solving a problem: 1 Evaluating the problem  Clarifying the nature of a problem  Formulating questions  Gathering information systematically  Collating and organising data  Condensing and summarising information  Defining the desired objective 880

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2 Managing the problem  Using the information gathered effectively  Breaking down a problem into smaller more manageable parts  Using techniques such as brainstorming and lateral thinking to consider options  Analysing these options in greater depth  Identifying steps that can be taken to achieve the objective 3 Decision-making  deciding between the possible options for what action to take  deciding on further information to be gathered before taking action  deciding on resources time funding staff etc to be allocated to this problem 4 Resolving the problem  Implementing action  Providing information to other stakeholders delegating tasks  Reviewing progress 5 Examining the results  Monitoring the outcome of the action taken  Reviewing the problem and problem-solving process to avoid similar situations in future At any stage of this process it may be necessary to return to an earlier stage – for example if further problems arise or if a solution does not appear to be working as desired. Source: university of Kent 881

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B. Robert Holland set out a typical problem solving process in his manual “Sequential analysis” with the following steps: Step 1 Analytical problem solving Scientific problem solving What is the problem What question do you want your analysis to answer Visualise the difference between the results you get and the results you want. Define the discrepancy between the results you get and what you expect. Where does the problem lie How can be picture the current situation Visualise the structure elements of the present situation causing the result. State the traditional assumptions of the theory that give rise to the discrepancy. Why does the problem exist How can we isolate the problem Analyse each element whether it is the cause. Create hypothesis that give alternative structures to eliminate the discrepancy. What can we do about it What options do we have Formulate the logical alternative changes. Devise experiments that will exclude false hypothesis. What should we do about it What recommendation can we give Create a new structure incorporating the changes. Reformulate the theory on the basis of the experimental results. 882

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Questions and observerations for Problem Solving and Decision Making 1. Definition of the problem 1. What can you see that causes you to think theres a problem 2. Where is it happening 3. How is it happening 4. When is it happening 5. With whom is it happening HINT: Dont jump to "Who is causing the problem" When were stressed blaming is often one of our first reactions. To be an effective manager you need to address issues more than people. 6. Why is it happening 7. Write down a five-sentence description of the problem in terms of "The following should be happening but isnt ..." or "The following is happening and should be: ..." As much as possible be specific in your description including what is happening where how with whom and why. It may be helpful at this point to use a variety of research methods. Defining complex problems: If the problem still seems overwhelming break it down by repeating steps 1-7 until you have descriptions of several related problems. Verifying your understanding of the problems: It helps a great deal to verify your problem analysis for conferring with a peer or someone else. Prioritize the problems: If you discover that you are looking at several related problems then prioritize which ones you should address first. 883

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Note the difference between "important" and "urgent" problems. Often what we consider to be important problems to consider are really just urgent problems. Important problems deserve more attention. For example if youre continually answering "urgent" phone calls then youve probably got a more "important" problem and thats to design a system that screens and prioritizes your phone calls. Understand your role in the problem: Your role in the problem can greatly influence how you perceive the role of others. For example if youre very stressed out itll probably look like others are too or you may resort too quickly to blaming and reprimanding others. Or you are feel very guilty about your role in the problem you may ignore the accountabilities of others. 2. Look at potential causes for the problem  Its amazing how much you dont know about what you dont know. Therefore in this phase its critical to get input from other people who notice the problem and who are effected by it.  Its often useful to collect input from other individuals one at a time at least at first. Otherwise people tend to be inhibited about offering their impressions of the real causes of problems.  Write down what your opinions and what youve heard from others.  Regarding what you think might be performance problems associated with an employee its often useful to seek advice from a peer or your supervisor in order to verify your impression of the problem.  Write down a description of the cause of the problem and in terms of what is happening where when how with whom and why. 884

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3. Identify alternatives for approaches to resolve the problem At this point its useful to keep others involved unless youre facing a personal and/or employee performance problem. Brainstorm for solutions to the problem. Very simply put brainstorming is collecting as many ideas as possible then screening them to find the best idea. Its critical when collecting the ideas to not pass any judgment on the ideas -- just write them down as you hear them. A wonderful set of skills used to identify the underlying cause of issues is Systems Thinking. 4. Select an approach to resolve the problem  When selecting the best approach consider:  Which approach is the most likely to solve the problem for the long term  Which approach is the most realistic to accomplish for now Do you have the resources Are they affordable Do you have enough time to implement the approach  What is the extent of risk associated with each alternative The nature of this step in particular in the problem solving process is why problem solving and decision making are highly integrated. 5. Plan the implementation of the best alternative this is your action plan 1. Carefully consider "What will the situation look like when the problem is solved" 2. What steps should be taken to implement the best alternative to solving the problem What systems or processes should be changed in your organization for example a new policy or procedure Dont resort to solutions where someone is "just going to try harder". 885

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3. How will you know if the steps are being followed or not these are your indicators of the success of your plan 4. What resources will you need in terms of people money and facilities 5. How much time will you need to implement the solution Write a schedule that includes the start and stop times and when you expect to see certain indicators of success. 6. Who will primarily be responsible for ensuring implementation of the plan 7. Write down the answers to the above questions and consider this as your action plan. 8. Communicate the plan to those who will involved in implementing it and at least to your immediate supervisor. An important aspect of this step in the problem-solving process is continually observation and feedback. 6. Monitor implementation of the plan Monitor the indicators of success: 1. Are you seeing what you would expect from the indicators 2. Will the plan be done according to schedule 3. If the plan is not being followed as expected then consider: Was the plan realistic Are there sufficient resources to accomplish the plan on schedule Should more priority be placed on various aspects of the plan Should the plan be changed 7. Verify if the problem has been resolved or not One of the best ways to verify if a problem has been solved or not is to resume normal operations in the organization. Still you should consider: 886

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1. What changes should be made to avoid this type of problem in the future Consider changes to policies and procedures training etc. 2. Lastly consider "What did you learn from this problem solving" Consider new knowledge understanding and/or skills. 3. Consider writing a brief memo that highlights the success of the problem solving effort and what you learned as a result. Share it with your supervisor peers and subordinates. Rational Versus Organic Approach to Problem Solving Rational A person with this preference often prefers using a comprehensive and logical approach similar to the guidelines in the above section. For example the rational approach described below is often used when addressing large complex matters in strategic planning. 1. Define the problem. 2. Examine all potential causes for the problem. 3. Identify all alternatives to resolve the problem. 4. Carefully select an alternative. 5. Develop an orderly implementation plan to implement that best alternative. 6. Carefully monitor implementation of the plan. 7. Verify if the problem has been resolved or not. A major advantage of this approach is that it gives a strong sense of order in an otherwise chaotic situation and provides a common frame of reference from which people can communicate in the situation. A major disadvantage of this approach is that it can take a long time to finish. Some people might argue too that the world is much too chaotic for the rational approach to be useful. 887

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Organic Some people assert that the dynamics of organizations and people are not nearly so mechanistic as to be improved by solving one problem after another. Often the quality of an organization or life comes from how one handles being “on the road” itself rather than the “arriving at the destination.” The quality comes from the ongoing process of trying rather than from having fixed a lot of problems. For many people it is an approach to organizational consulting. The following quote is often used when explaining the organic or holistic approach to problem solving. “All the greatest and most important problems in life are fundamentally insoluble … They can never be solved but only outgrown. This “outgrowing” proves on further investigation to require a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on the horizon and through this broadening of outlook the insoluble lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own terms but faded when confronted with a new and stronger life urge.” From Jung Carl Psychological Types Pantheon Books 1923 A major advantage of the organic approach is that it is highly adaptable to understanding the chaotic changes that occur in projects and everyday life. It also suits the nature of people who shun linear and mechanistic approaches to projects. The major disadvantage is that the approach often provides no clear frame of reference around which people can communicate feel comfortable and measure progress toward solutions to problems. Source: http://managementhelp.org/personalproductivity/problem- solving.htm 888

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Problem Solving: Definition terminology and patterns by Hidetoshi Shibata Copy rights © H. Shibata all reserved 1997 1998 Problem Solving Terminology Systems Thinking 889

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Problem Solving is very important but problem solvers often misunderstand it. This report proposes the definition of problems terminology for Problem Solving and useful Problem Solving patterns. We should define what is the problem as the first step of Problem Solving. Yet problem solvers often forget this first step. Further we should recognize common terminology such as Purpose Situation Problem Cause Solvable Cause Issue and Solution. Even Consultants who should be professional problem solvers are often confused with the terminology of Problem Solving. For example some consultants may think of issues as problems or some of them think of problems as causes. But issues must be the proposal to solve problems and problems should be negative expressions while issues should be a positive expression. Some consultants do not mind this type of minute terminology but clear terminology is helpful to increase the efficiency of Problem Solving. Third there are several useful thinking patterns such as strategic thinking emotional thinking realistic thinking empirical thinking and so on. The thinking pattern means how we think. So far I recognized fourteen thinking patterns. If we choose an appropriate pattern at each step in Problem Solving we can improve the efficiency of Problem Solving. This report will explain the above three points such as the definition of problems the terminology of Problem Solving and useful thinking patterns. Definition of problem A problem is decided by purposes. If someone wants money and when he or she has little money he or she has a problem. But if someone does not want money little money is not a 890

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problem. For example manufacturing managers are usually evaluated with line-operation rate which is shown as a percentage of operated hours to potential total operation hours. Therefore manufacturing managers sometimes operate lines without orders from their sales division. This operation may produce more than demand and make excessive inventories. The excessive inventories may be a problem for general managers. But for the manufacturing managers the excessive inventories may not be a problem. If a purpose is different between managers they see the identical situation in different ways. One may see a problem but the others may not see the problem. Therefore in order to identify a problem problem solvers such as consultants must clarify the differences of purposes. But oftentimes problem solvers frequently forget to clarify the differences of purposes and incur confusion among their problem solving projects. Therefore problem solvers should start their problem solving projects from the definition of purposes and problems Terminology of Problem Solving We should know the basic terminology for Problem Solving. This report proposes seven terms such as Purpose Situation Problem Cause Solvable Cause Issue and Solution. Purpose Purpose is what we want to do or what we want to be. Purpose is an easy term to understand. But problem solvers frequently forget to confirm Purpose at the first step of Problem Solving. Without clear purposes we can not think about problems. Situation Situation is just what a circumstance is. Situation is neither 891

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good nor bad. We should recognize situations objectively as much as we can. Usually almost all situations are not problems. But some problem solvers think of all situations as problems. Before we recognize a problem we should capture situations clearly without recognizing them as problems or non-problems. Without recognizing situations objectively Problem Solving is likely to be narrow sighted because problem solvers recognize problems with their prejudice. Problem Problem is some portions of a situation which cannot realize purposes. Since problem solvers often neglect the differences of purposes they cannot capture the true problems. If the purpose is different the identical situation may be a problem or may not be a problem. Cause Cause is what brings about a problem. Some problem solvers do not distinguish causes from problems. But since problems are some portions of a situation problems are more general than causes are. In other words causes are more specific facts which bring about problems. Without distinguishing causes from problems Problem Solving can not be specific. Finding specific facts which causes problems is the essential step in Problem Solving. Solvable Cause Solvable cause is some portions of causes. When we solve a problem we should focus on solvable causes. Finding solvable causes is another essential step in Problem Solving. But problem solvers frequently do not extract solvable causes among causes. If we try to solve unsolvable causes we waste time. Extracting solvable causes is a useful step to make 892

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Problem Solving efficient. Issue Issue is the opposite expression of a problem. If a problem is that we do not have money the issue is that we get money. Some problem splvers do not know what Issue is. They may think of "we do not have money" as an issue. At the worst case they may mix the problems which should be negative expressions and the issues which should be positive expressions. Solution Solution is a specific action to solve a problem which is equal to a specific action to realize an issue. Some problem solvers do not break down issues into more specific actions. Issues are not solutions. Problem solvers must break down issues into specific action. Thinking patterns This report lists fourteen thinking patters. Problem solvers should choose appropriate patterns responding to situations. This report categorized these fourteen patterns into three more general groups such as thinking patterns for judgements thinking patterns for thinking processes and thinking patterns for efficient thinking. The following is the outlines of those thinking patterns. Thinking patterns for judgements In order to create a value through thinking we need to judge whether what we think is right or wrong. This report lists four judging patterns such as strategic thinking emotional thinking realistic thinking and empirical thinking. 893

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Strategic thinking Focus or bias is the criterion for strategic thinking. If you judge whether a situation is right or wrong based on whether the situation is focused or not your judgement is strategic. A strategy is not necessarily strategic. Historically many strategists such as Sonfucis in ancient China Naplon M. Porter proposed strategic thinking when they develop strategies. Emotional thinking In organizations an emotional aspect is essential. Tactical leaders judge whether a situation is right or wrong based on the participantsf emotional commitment. They think that if participants can be positive to a situation the situation is right. Realistic thinking  Start from what we can do  Fix the essential problem first These two criteria are very useful. "Starting" is very important even if we do very little. We do not have to start from the essential part. Even if we start from an easier part starting is a better judgement than a judgement of not-starting in terms of the first part of realistic thinking. Further after we start we should search key factors to make the Problem Solving more efficient. Usually 80 of the problems are caused by only 20 of the causes. If we can find the essential 20 of the causes we can fix 80 of problems very efficiently. Then if we try to find the essential problem what we are doing is right in terms of the second part of realistic thinking. Empirical thinking When we use empirical thinking we judge whether the situation is right or wrong based on our past experiences. Sometimes this thinking pattern persists on the past criteria 894

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too much even if a situation has changed. But when it comes to our daily lives situations do not change frequently. Further if we have the experience of the identical situation before we can utilize the experience as a reliable knowledge data base. Thinking patterns for thinking processes If we can think systematically we do not have to be frustrated when we think. In contrast if we have no systematic method Problem Solving frustrate us. This reports lists five systematic thinking processes such as rational thinking systems thinking cause effect thinking contingent thinking and the Toyotafs five times WHYs method . Rational thinking Rational thinking is one of the most common Problem Solving methods. This report will briefly show this Problem Solving method. 1. Set the ideal situation 2. Identify a current situation 3. Compare the ideal situation and the current situation and identify the problem situation 4. Break down the problem to its causes 5. Conceive the solution alternatives to the causes 6. Evaluate and choose the reasonable solution alternatives 7. Implement the solutions We can use rational thinking as a Problem Solving method for almost all problems. Systems thinking Systems thinking is a more scientific Problem Solving approach than the rational thinking approach. We set the system which causes problems and analyze them based on systemsf functions. The following arre the system and how the system 895

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works. System  Purpose  Input  Output  Function  Inside cause Solvable cause  Outside cause Unsolvable cause  Result In order to realize Purpose we prepare Input and through Function we can get Output. But Output does not necessarily realize Purpose. Result of the Function may be different from Purpose. This difference is created by Outside Cause and Inside Cause. We can not solve Outside Cause but we can solve Inside Cause. For example when we want to play golf Purpose is to play golf. If we can not play golf this situation is Output. If we can not play golf because of a bad weather the bad weather is Outside Cause because we can not change the weather. In contrast if we cannot play golf because we left golf bags in our home this cause is solvable. Then that we left bags in our home is an Inside Cause. Systems thinking is a very clear and useful method to solve problems. Cause effect thinking Traditionally we like to clarify cause and effect relations. We usually think of finding causes as solving problems. Finding a cause and effect relation is a conventional basic Problem Solving method. 896

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Contingent thinking Game Theory is a typical contingent thinking method. If we think about as many situations as possible which may happen and prepare solutions for each situation this process is a contingent thinking approach. Toyota fs five times WHYs At Toyota employees are taught to think WHY consecutively five times. This is an adaptation of cause and effect thinking. If employees think WHY and find a cause they try to ask themselves WHY again. They continue five times. Through these five WHYS they can break down causes into a very specific level. This five times WHYs approach is very useful to solve problems. Thinking patterns for efficient thinking In order to think efficiently there are several useful thinking patterns. This report lists five patterns for efficient thinking such as hypothesis thinking conception thinking structure thinking convergence divergence thinking and time order thinking. Hypothesis thinking If we can collect all information quickly and easily you can solve problems very efficiently. But actually we can not collect every information. If we try to collect all information we need so long time. Hypothesis thinking does not require collecting all information. We develop a hypothesis based on available information. After we developed a hypothesis we collect minimum information to prove the hypothesis. If the first hypothesis is right you do not have to collect any more information. If the first hypothesis is wrong we will develop the next hypothesis based on available information. Hypothesis 897

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thinking is a very efficient problem-solving method because we do not have to waste time to collect unnecessary information. Conception thinking Problem Solving is not necessarily logical or rational. Creativity and flexibility are other important aspects for Problem Solving. We can not recognize these aspects clearly. This report shows only what kinds of tips are useful for creative and flexible conception. Following are portions of tips.  To be visual.  To write down what we think.  Use cards to draw write and arrange ideas in many ways.  Change positions forms and viewpoints physically and mentally. We can imagine without words and logic but in order to communicate to others we must explain by words and logic. Therefore after we create ideas we must explain them literally. Creative conception must be translated into reasonable explanations. Without explanations conception does not make sense. Structure thinking If we make a structure like a tree to grasp a complex situation we can understand very clearly. Upper level should be more abstract and lower level should be more concrete. Dividing abstract situations from concrete situations is helpful to clarify the complex situations. Very frequently problem solvers cannot arrange a situation clearly. A clear recognition of a complex situation increases efficiency of Problem Solving. 898

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Convergence divergence thinking When we should be creative we do not have to consider convergence of ideas. In contrast when we should summarize ideas we must focus on convergence. If we do convergence and divergence simultaneously Problem Solving becomes inefficient. Time order thinking Thinking based on a time order is very convenient when we are confused with Problem Solving. We can think based on a time order from the past to the future and make a complex situation clear. Source: Hidetoshi Shibata Copy rights © H. Shibata all reserved 1997 1998 - http://www.mediafrontier.com/Article/PS/PS.htm 899

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4.2 DEALING WITH OBSTACLES AND RESISTANCE 4 4 . . 2 2 . . 1 1 H H O O W W T T O O R R E E M M O O V V E E O O B B S S T T A A C C L L E E S S T T O O P P E E R R S S O O N N A A L L G G R R O O W W T T H H Do you know how to calculate the amount of fear holding you back in life Take a pen and a piece of paper. On top of the page write down your current age for instance "34 years old." At the bottom indicate how old you intend to grow before you die. "Death at 80" is a reasonable target. Now comes the mathematical part of the exercise. Draw a straight line connecting your current age with your death. That line represents the number of days that you have left on earth. In our example the difference between 80 and 34 leaves you with 46 years that is almost 17.000 days. The last part of the game consists of deciding how you are going to use those 17.000 days. Now draw a vertical line on your page which divides your future in two areas. On the left side of the line you can write down safe and commonplace goals. On the right side difficult and disruptive ambitions. The rules of the exercise allow you to list as many activities as you wish provided that you dont run out of time to live. Boring projects are easy to name and quantify. They include amongst others looking for better jobs cleaning the house and going on holidays. Don’t forget mundane tasks such as working five days a week watching television walking the dog washing your car once per month and shopping for new clothes. When your remaining term of 46 years is up you are dead. 900

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You only need to worry about the opposite side of the line if you have unused time which is unlikely. The truth is that most people will allocate their complete lifespan to left-side tasks. What about the right side of the line Does anyone actually write down adventurous risky goals Are there people foolish enough to risk total failure in order to pursue their dreams Is it not better to stick to attainable objectives This is the type of activities that usually come up under the label "difficult and disruptive:" 1. Live in Paris for a year 500 days including preparation and removals 2. Start up and grow a global business 3000 days 3. Write twenty great books 3000 days 4. Save and invest until you are able to live from dividends 6000 days 5. Learn to cook according to good nutrition principles 300 days 6. Lose weight and acquire habits that allow you to stay in good shape 500 days One could argue that this game is useless since it has no winner and no loser. Since the same individual appears on both sides of the line what is the point What is the purpose of the exercise The answer is that paradoxically the subjects on each side of the line are different persons. One of them is boring the other fearless. One of them is aimless the other determined. One of them is predictable the other exciting. The lesson is that one day the 46 years will be consumed all the same. At the end results will be trivial or spectacular meaningless or irreplaceable. 901

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If you dont like the outcome of your calculations take a blank piece of paper draw a new vertical line and start the exercise again. After a few times you will get quite good at it. At one point you will begin to fear boring activities more than risky ones. If you are already there congratulations now you know how to win the game. The The Art Art of of Obstacle Obstacle Removal Removal One of the best ways to go faster is to remove the things that slow you down. This "obstacle removal" is an integral part of many agile methods including Scrum and Lean. Sometimes it is obvious where an obstacle is. There are a few small things that can be done easily to go faster. But to get going really fast we need to have a deeper understanding of obstacles... and the Art of Obstacle Removal. What are Obstacles An obstacle is any behavior physical arrangement procedure or checkpoint that makes getting work done slower without adding any actual contribution to the work. Activities that do add value to our work may be slowed down by obstacles but are not obstacles in and of themselves. Obstacles and Waste Obstacles are the causes of waste in a process. There are many types of waste and for every type of waste there are many possible sources obstacles. Types of Obstacles Personal Personal obstacles are related to us as individuals. There are several levels at which these obstacles can show up. Outside factors in our lives such as illness or family obligations can become obstacles to our work at hand. These obstacles are 902

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hard to remove or avoid. Even if we would want to avoid an obstacle such as illness it is hard to do anything about it in an immediate sense. However as part of our commitment to the group we are working with we should consider doing things to generally improve our health. Good sleep healthy and moderate eating exercise and avoidance of illness-causing things and circumstances are all possible commitments we can make to the group. Likewise we can make sure our personal affairs are in order so that unexpected events have the least impact possible. This topic is vast and there are many good sources of information. Physical Environment Obstacles in the physical environment can consist of barriers to movement or communication or a lack of adequate physical resources. Sometimes these obstacles are easy to see because their effects are immediate. For example if a team room lacks a whiteboard for diagrams keeping notes etc. then the team may not be able to communicate as effectively. Other physical obstacles are not so obvious. The effects of physical environment can be subtle and not well-understood. Poor ergonomics take weeks months or years for their effects to be felt... but it is inevitable. A too-small team room can lead to a feeling of being cooped up and desperation to get out... and eventually to resentment. Again this can take weeks or months. Knowledge A lack of knowledge or the inability to access information are obstacles. A team composed of junior people who dont have diverse experience and who dont have a good knowledge of the work they are doing will have trouble working effectively. There may be barriers preventing the team from learning. Common barriers include over-work leading to a lack of time or mental energy for learning. With junior people in particular there is a 903

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lot of pressure to be productive and that can often be at the expense of a solid foundation of learning. Other times knowledge-related barriers can be more immediate. If a critical piece of information is delayed or lost this can have a large impact on an Agile team that is working in short cycles. The team may be temporarily halted while they wait for information. Building effective information flow is critical to a teams performance. Organizational Bureaucratic procedures organizational mis-alignment conflicting goals and inefficient organizational structures can all be significant obstacles. One of the best sources of information about this is the two books by Jim Collins: "Good to Great" Review and "Built to Last" Cultural Sometimes the beliefs we have about how to work can become obstacles to working more effectively. These beliefs are often in place because they have been part of what we think makes us successful. Cultural assumptions can come from our families our communities our religious affiliation and our national identity. In organizational culture one thing I constantly see is a public espoused value of teamwork but a conflicting behavior of individual performance reviews and ranking. This is cultural. It is also a barrier to the effective functioning of an Agile team. For corporate environments I highly recommend the Corporate Culture Survival Guide by Edgar Schein. 904

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Dis-Unity Dis-unity is one of the most subtle and common forms of obstacle. Competition legal and cultural assumption of the goodness of "opposition" and habits of interaction including gossip and backbiting all combine to make united action and thought very difficult. This is an extremely deep topic. There are many tools and techniques available to assist with team building. If you are interested in this topic I highly recommend reading "The Prosperity of Humankind". Eliminate Waste Waste is the result of activities or environmental conditions that prevent a team from reaching its goal. The opposite of waste is something that adds value more faster or higher quality to the desired result. The whole notion of eliminating waste comes from lean manufacturing. More recently Mary and Tom Poppendieck applied this idea to software in their book "Lean Software Development: An Agile Toolkit for Software Development Managers". In this excellent book the authors list the wastes of manufacturing and the wastes of software. As wastes are eliminated or reduced a team will function faster and with higher quality. However not all waste can be eliminated. Sometimes waste is legislated sometimes waste is an unavoidable by-product of work sometimes mistakes are made and sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to eliminate a waste. 905

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Here I have summarized and generalized these types of wastes so that they apply in any situation: The The Seven Seven Wastes Wastes 1. waiting - caused by delays unreadiness or simple procrastination 2. partially done work or inventory - caused by sub-optimal workflow 3. extra processing or processes - caused by poor organization or bureaucracy 4. defects and rework - caused by insufficient skill tools inspection or filtering 5. movement of people or work - caused by physical separation 6. overproduction or extra features - caused by working towards speculative goals 7. task switching - caused by multiple commitments In order to eliminate waste first waste has to be detected and identified then the underlying causes of the waste have to be identified and finally changes to the work environment need to be made to both eliminate the cause of the waste and the waste itself. Many agile work practices help with this process. Value stream mapping is one particular tool that can be used by a team or organization to identify wasteful activities. The team describes the amount of time that work takes to go through each activity in their overall work process. Next the team determines if each activity adds value or does not add value to the end goal. All activities are subject to speed improvements and activities that do not add value are subject to elimination. In order to determine the causes of waste special attention should be paid to incentives and motivations. Wasteful behavior often exists because there is some incentive for people to do it. 906

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Sometimes these incentives are explicit but sometimes they are the side-effects of other things going on in the teams environment. Changing the incentives can be an effective way of reducing waste. By eliminating waste the team will find it has reduced frustrations and enabled greater productivity and creativity. The team will also increase its speed and delivery of value and at the same time reduce defects. Removing Obstacles The ability to identify obstacles and understand why they are causing problems is only the first step in removing obstacles. In Agile Work the person primarily responsible for identifying and removing obstacles is the Process Facilitator. The Process Facilitator has several approaches available for the removal of obstacles. A process facilitator has similar responsibilities to a change agent. Direct Deal with the obstacle directly without involving other people. This can be as simple as getting up and moving an obstacle impairing vision or as nuanced as running interviews and workshops throughout an organization to gradually change a cultural obstacle. Command and Control Identify the obstacle and give precise instructions for its removal to a person who will directly perform the removal. This can sometimes work if removing an obstacle takes a great deal of time effort or specialized skills that you yourself do not possess. However the overall approach of "command and control" is not recommended for Agile environments since it is disempowering. 907

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Influence Identify the obstacle and suggest means to deal with it to a person who has the authority or influence to get others to deal with it. This indirect method of obstacle removal can be slow and frustrating. However it usually has better long-term effects than command and control. Support Offer to assist and encourage the removal of obstacles that have been identified by other people. In many respects this is a very effective method. It can assist with team-building and learning by example. People are usually grateful for assistance. Coaching Train others on the art of obstacle removal including obstacle identification types of obstacles and strategies for dealing with obstacles. Observe peoples attempts to remove obstacles and give them feedback on their actions. Creating a Culture of Obstacle Removal Encourage and measure obstacle removal at all organizational levels until it becomes habitual. In many ways this is the essence of the lean organization. 908

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Strategies Strategies for for Dealing Dealing with with Obstacles Obstacles Diagrams are a great way of communicating the essense of a concept. Feel free to share the following diagrams with anyone but of course keep the copyright notice on them. Remove Remove the obstacle altogether. This method of dealing with an obstacle is usually the most immediately effective but is also one of the most difficult methods. 909

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The best way to actually remove an obstacle is to get at the root cause of the obstacle and change that. This type of change results in the longest-lasting and most stable elimination of an obstacle. Move Aside Take the obstacle and put it in a place or situation where it is no longer in the path of the team. In a teams physical environment this may be as simple as changing the tools that the team is using. For example if the team is all in a room together move computer monitors that are blocking team members views of each other. If there is a useless checkpoint that work results have to go through get management to eliminate it. Shield Build a shield or barrier to hide the obstacle so that its effects no longer touch your team. 910

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If a team is distracted by noisy neighbors put up a sound barrier. If a team is unable to see their computers due to late afternoon sunlight put up window shades. If a manager is bothering the team with meetings or tasks unrelated to the work of the team then put yourself between the team and the manager or get someone in upper management to do that. Shielding is excellent for immediate relief but remember that the obstacle is still there and may become a problem again if the shield cannot be maintained. Transform Change the structure or form of the obstacle so that it no longer affects effectiveness. 911

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In general this method requires a great deal of creativity and open-mindedness. This is one that works particularly well on people who are obstacles: convert them into friends of the team For example if the team needs approval of an expert who is not part of the team this can cause extra work preparing documentation for this person and long delays while the expert revies the documents. If the expert becomes part of the team then they are well-informed of the work being done and can give approval with very little overhead. If done well this can be a very long-lasting method of dealing with an obstacle. Make sure that the transformation is true and that it takes hold... and beware that the obstacle doesnt revert back to its old nature. Counteract Find an activity that negates the effects of the obstacle by boosting effectiveness in another area. As a coach or Process Facilitator this is what we spend our time in early in a teams adoption of Agile Work: we get them to work in the same room use iterations and adaptive planning we focus them on delivering work valued by the stakeholders as defined 912

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by the Product Owner. All these things are enhancing the teams ability to get work done without actually directly dealing with any obstacles. Watch out for barriers avoided this way to come back and bite you later on. Removing Obstacles and Learning Organizational learning as well as adult learning have a strong relationship to obstacle removal. Organizational learning can be either single-loop or double-loop learning. Adult learning can be either normal or transformative. We can approach obstacle removal from a surface level where we only deal with the immediate symptom or we can work at a deeper level where we deal with the symptom and its chain of preceding causes. One effective method for examining the deeper causes is the 5-whys exercise Obstacles Inherent in Agile Agile methods do not perfectly eliminate all obstacles. Some obstacles that are inherent in agile methods include overhead due to planning meetings at the start of iterations the use of a dedicated process facilitator. As well the use of iterations can become a barrier to certain types of work items: repeating items investment in infrastructure one-off tasks that are not directly related to the work at hand. At some point our teams will have matured to the point where agile methods are no longer necessary and we can pick and choose what parts of agile we use. 913

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4.2.2 DEALING WITH RESISTANCE Theres old wisdom that advises that we can only lean against that which resists. This suggests that there might just be something good or at least useful about resistance. Discovering what this is and learning to work with it is key to understanding reluctance to change. After all change often occurs as a direct result of resistance. Great men such as Nelson Mandela are testimony to this. Resistance can be viewed as alternative negative or wrong. But we need to balance this with a healthy view of resistance which points to positive processes rather than placid acceptance. Benjamin Franklin valued this telling us that questioning authority is the "first responsibility of every citizen". It helps to understand that resistance is a normal response and that trying to avoid any resistance is futile. Accepting this immediately allows a different response to resistance in which we anticipate it and work with it. Why people resist change:  Don’t see a need to change  Needs are being met  Invested in what they have now  Don’t know how to change  Poor communication regarding change  Change comes from an external source and they haven’t embraced it  Fears: losing control failure  Don’t know why they should do it  No negative consequences  New situation worse than existing one 914

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There are in fact many reasons people resist change most of these reasons however have a common source. Fear. Most of us hold a deep fear of change and our ability to adapt. Many of the reasons for peoples reluctance or refusal to change are related to the fear of change. These fears can also be related to loss associated with the change. All change involves loss at some level and this can be difficult to contemplate. Loss associated with change can be very practical such as loss of work colleagues or office environment. Or it can be less obvious relating to concerns about loss of status self esteem or ability to perform new work. Fear of change can leave us feeling lost confused and torn between the need to take action and doing nothing. How to recognise resistance There are a number of behaviours that are signs and symptoms of an adverse reaction to change. These include:  Aggression and anger  Unusual flare-ups of emotion  overt resistance 915

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 Coachees portraying themselves as innocent victims of unreasonable expectations  Insensitive and disagreeable behaviour  Not meeting key performance areas missing meetings failing assignments not responding to emails for example  Late arrival  Not responding not listening seems disinterested  Active attempts to disrupt or undermine the project Of course each of these do not necessarily mean that people are opposing change. They might be indicators but could just as easily be indicators of other issues in the persons life. Real resistance usually occurs after peoples uncertainties and questions regarding change have not been adequately answered. How to deal with it The best laid plans and systems fail if the people side of change management is ignored. Resistance to change is a normal response so plan for it expect it and accept it. Resistance does not mean that the change is bad or that the management of change has failed. Nor does it mean that those resisting change are bad seeds that need to be weeded out Rather anticipate resistance and direct your energy to facilitating what Kurt Lewin would refer to as the Unfreezing and Change/Transition stages. Kurt Lewins Force Field Analysis is a powerful strategic tool to help you analyse aspects of the change that may lead to resistance. Assessing resistance to change is an important part of a change impact assessment that should be conducted very early in the process. 916

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Even if youre introducing small changes dont assume that that these will be easier for people to accept - especially if they already feel threatened or have low trust in the process. If youre aware of any indicators of resistance to change then youll need to take some time out to listen to peoples concerns. Yup listen. Dont talk just listen or get someone else they trust to listen. The clue to overcoming resistance is understanding that you cannot avoid resistance but you can manage it. Remember that people experience change in personal ways. Addressing peoples values when you encounter resistance to change can reduce any negative impact of resistance. Changing your attitude towards resistance is whats needed to ensure successful change. Anticipating resistance to change is part of a successful change management strategy and will help to keep people motivated and positive about change. Here are some great tips: 1. Let your client speak his peace and/or vent if necessary. Give him space to express himself. If you react emotionally and try to stop him argue or immediately explain why he is off base you will just fuel the fire. Sometimes letting off steam is the first step to opening to a healing path and moving in a more positive direction. 2. Reflect back to the client what you heard her say so she knows that she has been listened to. “Wow you are really angry at your boss and you don’t see any other option but to retaliate.” Or “Your daughter won’t move out and support herself and you are completely frustrated.” Or “I’m hearing that you are disappointed that you haven’t made more progress in coaching thus far.” When your client feels heard and acknowledged he may lighten up and be willing to see and explore more healthy options. 917

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3. Reflect back to the client behaviors that might be a sign of resistance of which the client may be unaware. “You’ve been late to your sessions cancelled three times now. Is there anything going on that you are having a hard time with that may be uncomfortable to look at” Or “You’ve had the same situation going on with your last three jobs. Do you see any connection between what’s going on out there and what’s happening inside of you” 4. Dealing with “Yes but. . . ”s: “I’ve made three suggestions for reframes on your situation that could help you feel freer and move beyond what is troubling you and you’ve answered “Yes but. . . “ to each of them. Are you really ready or willing to get beyond this” 5. Illuminate cost and payoff. “What do you think is the payoff for you continuing to feud with your ex- What is the cost What would be the payoff of harmonizing What would be the cost” 6. Direct approach: “I have been working with you on this for _______ length of time now and it sounds to me like you have a pretty strong investment for whatever reason in this situation continuing. Is there any way you can see yourself shifting on this I hope you will. If not let’s not talk about this anymore and let’s turn our attention to issues you’d rather make progress on.” You may even tell the client that you do not see anything more you can do for her at this point and if she wants to continue coaching you will need to see some movement. 7. Tune into your intuition. The above suggestions may all work in different situations yet every coaching situation is unique. If you sincerely ask inside yourself you will receive guidance as to how to deal with a particular form or moment of resistance. Sometimes you may need to be gentle and soft and other situations may require a firmer stand or compassionate confrontation. Set your intention that your sessions will be 918

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resistance free and if any instances of resistance come up you will know how to deal with them and move on. 8. Check in with yourself as to what beliefs feelings attitudes or expectations within yourself that your client may be reflecting. Are you worried about having a resistant client Do you question your ability as a coach Do you have judgments about something that the client is reflecting Why have you attracted this person or this moment with this person into your experience The clearer you get about your intentions your purpose and your confidence the clearer your clients will get about the situations and energies they bring to your practice. 9. Sometimes resistant clients can become your biggest success stories. At the first retreat I presented a woman bucked me and the program at every turn. On the last day of the program something clicked for her and she came to me with a big smile and proclaimed “I finally got it” Her healing and transformation were as powerful as her resistance had been. She ultimately came to many more programs and was a “star student.” Excuses the coach will hear for tasks not being accomplished Trying: “I implemented a numeracy strategy and it didn’t work but I did what the consultant said to do.” Blame: “Manny said he’d have the data reports ready last Friday but he didn’t get them to me until yesterday.” Doubt: “Group projects never work in math classes. Students need to be held individually accountable.” Reacting: “You expect me to find time to add something else” Delay: “It’s a good idea and I’ll get to it as soon as I finish the work on next month’s science fair.” 919

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INQUIRY –A Best Practice Ask Questions that Promote Discovery for the Other Person Ask Questions that Focus on the Person Being Coached Powerful Questions Invite clarity action and discovery at a new level Create greater possibility for expanded learning and fresh perspective Powerful Requests Powerful requests are ways to cause change to stir thought forward and cause action. “I request that you . . .” “I have a bold request for you.” The Power of Story Listening Stories make sense of experience in ways that integrate emotion and meaning –facilitating movement direction and purpose. Stories evoke power. FEED FORWARD instead of feedback. Is there a problem with feedback Feedback focuses on a past what has already occurred –not on opportunities in the future. Not fun. Feedforwardlooks at future actions is fun as well as not negative. Some Powerful Coaching Questions adapted from Co-Active Coaching by Whitworth Kimsey-House Sandahl  What do you think will happen  What’s you back-up plan  How does it look to you 920

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 How do you feel about it  What do you mean  Can you say more  What do you want  How will you know that you have reached it  What will it look like  How does this fit with your plans/values  What do you think that means  May we explore that some more  What are your other options  Would you like to brainstorm this idea  Will you give an example  What would it look like  Will you tell me more about it  Is there more  How can you make it be fun  If you could do it over again what would you do differently  If it were you what would you have done  What have you tried so far  How is this working  What is the action plan  What support do you need to accomplish …  What will you take away from this  What are the possibilities  What’s moving you forward  What’s stopping you  What resources do you need to help you decide  What action will you take And after that  Where do you go from here When will you do that  What are your next steps By when 921

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Powerful Coaching Inquiries adapted from Co-Active Coaching by Whitworth Kimsey-House Sandahl An inquiry is a type of powerful question that is not meant to be answered immediately but instead offers the “coachee” an opportunity for reflection discovery and learning.  What do I want  What am I tolerating  Where am I not being realistic/practical  What is the difference between a wish and a goal  Where is my attention  If my whole attention is focused on producing the result what will I have to give up  What is working for me  What will it take to keep me on track  What am I willing/unwilling to change  What am I settling for  What is it to be creative/passionate/focused/a leader  What is it to speak/act from my heart  What does it mean to be proactive/centered/optimistic  What is present when I am at my best  What motivates me  What am I resisting  If I were at my best what would I do right now  What are my assumptions  Where do I limit myself  Where do I hold back  What are my expectations  How can I have this be easy  Who can I get to play with me on this project  What have I learned about myself 922

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Kurt Lewin - Change Management Model Kurt Lewin emigrated from Germany to America during the 1930s. Lewin is recognised as the "founder of social psychology" which immediately points to his interest in the human aspect of change. His interest in groups led to research focusing on factors that influence people to change and three stages needed to make change successful. Unfreeze Change Freeze Kurt Lewin proposed a three stage theory of change commonly referred to as Unfreeze Change Freeze or Refreeze. It is possible to take these stages to quite complicated levels but I dont believe this is necessary to be able to work with the theory. But be aware that the theory has been criticised for being too simplistic. A lot has changed since the theory was originally presented in 1947 but the Kurt Lewin model is still extremely relevant. Many other more modern change models are actually based on the Kurt Lewin model. Im going to head down a middle road and give you just enough information to make you dangerous...and perhaps a little more to whet your appetite Lets look at each of the three stages: Stage 1: Unfreezing The Unfreezing stage is probably one of the more important stages to understand in the world of change we live in today. This stage is about getting ready to change. It involves getting to a point of understanding that change is necessary and getting ready to move away from our current comfort zone. This first stage is about preparing ourselves or others before the change and ideally creating a situation in which we want the change. 923

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The more we feel that change is necessary the more urgent it is the more motivated we are to make the change. Right Yes of course If you understand procrastination like I do then youd recognise that the closer the deadline the more likely you are to snap into action and actually get the job started With the deadline comes some sort of reward or punishment linked to the job. If theres no deadline then the urge to change is lower than the need to change. Theres much lower motivation to make a change and get on with it. Unfreezing and getting motivated for the change is all about weighing up the pros and cons and deciding if the pros outnumber the cons before you take any action. This is the basis of what Kurt Lewin called the Force Field Analysis. Force Field Analysis is a fancy way of saying that there are lots of different factors forces for and against making change that we need to be aware of analysis. If the factors for change outweigh the factors against change well make the change. If not then theres low motivation to change - and if we feel pushed to change were likely to get grumpy and dig in our heels. This first Unfreezing stage involves moving ourselves or a department or an entire business towards motivation for change. The Kurt Lewin Force Field Analysis is a useful way to understand this process and there are plenty of ideas of how this can be done. Stage 2: Change - or Transition Kurt Lewin was aware that change is not an event but rather a process. He called that process a transition. Transition is the inner movement or journey we make in reaction to a change. This second stage occurs as we make the changes that are needed. 924

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People are unfrozen and moving towards a new way of being. That said this stage is often the hardest as people are unsure or even fearful. Imagine bungey jumping or parachuting. You may have convinced yourself that there is a great benefit for you to make the jump but now you find yourself on the edge looking down. Scary stuff But when you do it you may learn a lot about yourself. This is not an easy time as people are learning about the changes and need to be given time to understand and work with them. Support is really important here and can be in the form of training coaching and expecting mistakes as part of the process. Using role models and allowing people to develop their own solutions also help to make the changes. Its also really useful to keep communicating a clear picture of the desired change and the benefits to people so they dont lose sight of where they are heading. Stage 3: Freezing or Refreezing Kurt Lewin refers to this stage as freezing although a lot of people refer to it as refreezing. As the name suggests this stage is about establishing stability once the changes have been made. The changes are accepted and become the new norm. People form new relationships and become comfortable with their routines. This can take time. Its often at this point that people laugh and tell me that practically there is never time for this freezing stage. And its just this thats drawn criticism to the Kurt Lewin model. In todays world of change the next new change could happen in weeks or less. There is just no time to settle into comfortable routines. This rigidity of freezing does not fit with modern thinking about change being a continuous sometimes chaotic process in which great flexibility is demanded. 925

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So popular thought has moved away from the concept of freezing. Instead we should think about this final stage as being more flexible something like a milkshake or soft serv icecream in the current favourite flavour rather than a rigid frozen block. This way Unfreezing for the next change might be easier. Given todays pace of change this is a reasonable criticism. But it might help to get in touch with what Kurt Lewin was actually saying. In 1947 he wrote: A change towards a higher level of group performance is frequently short-lived after a "shot in the arm" group life soon returns to the previous level. This indicates that it does not suffice to define the objective of planned change in group performance as the reaching of a different level. Permanency of the new level or permanency for a desired period should be included in the objective. Kurt Lewin "Frontiers of Group Dynamics" Human Relations Volume 1 pp. 5-41 Lewins concern is about reinforcing the change and ensuring that the desired change is accepted and maintained into the future. Without this people tend to go back to doing what they are used to doing. This is probably what Kurt Lewin meant by freezing - supporting the desired change to make sure it continues and is not lost. More modern models of change such as the ADKAR model are more explicit about this step and include Reinforcement as one of their phases. Ive also read this final step of freezing referred to as the lock-in effect. Establishing stability only happens when the new changes are locked-in. Thinking about change as a journey might make you think that a journey has a beginning middle and an end. While this is useful when thinking about the process of change the reality is that this journey doesnt have an end. Lots of rest stops maybe Some opportunities for settling down for a while. But no end. So be 926

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careful about thinking that a change process has a definite end as the Lewin change management model might seem to suggest. In what ways do you think this model might be useful for you Ive found the Kurt Lewin model useful to frame a process of change for people that is quite easy to understand. Of course each stage can be expanded to aid better understanding of the process. Applying the concepts of Unfreezing and especially the Force Field Analysis at a personal level can give us insight and help us better understand how we deal with change. Force Field Analysis - Kurt Lewin Kurt Lewins Force Field Analysis is a powerful strategic tool used to understand whats needed for change in both corporate and personal environments. Best of all - its easy to use and has complete credibility as a professional tool. Well use a little basic science to introduce the concept after which youll find enough information to allow you to unleash your knowledge of force fields on colleagues The concept Lets start with a simple science experiment this really is relevant so stay with me for a moment please. Youll need to sit down for this one. Youre sitting Good. Now whats keeping you in the chair Well there are two answers really. One is gravity which is pushing you down into the chair. A driving force if you like. The other is the chair itself which provides an opposing force pushing up against gravity and stopping you falling to the ground. 927

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So it would seem that while you are sitting youre in an equilibrium of sorts. Two forces keep you there. Gravity pushes down keeping you in the chair and the chair resists this stopping you from falling to the ground. Two equal forces a driving force and a resisting or restraining force working to keep the equilibrium or status quo. Agreed Okay now lets play. Lets say we want to move away from this equilibrium and get you to fall to the floor. What could we do Well on the one hand we could increase the amount of gravity. The chair will give way eventually and you will fall. On the other hand we could leave gravity alone and decide to weaken the chair to get the same result. If youve followed me this far then youve just completed a force field analysis and understood the basic concepts of the force field analysis. It also helps to explain why our science experiment is relevant. You see Kurt Lewin applied exactly this thinking to his theory of change within social situations - to people. May the Force be with you or against you. Kurt Lewin wrote that "An issue is held in balance by the interaction of two opposing sets of forces - those seeking to promote change driving forces and those attempting to maintain the status quo restraining forces". This is much the same as the experiment we just did and is summarised in the diagram below. 928

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So before change the force field is in equilibrium between forces favourable to change and those resisting it. Lewin spoke about the existence of a quasi-stationary social equilibrium. For change to happen the status quo or equilibrium must be upset – either by adding conditions favourable to the change or by reducing resisting forces. What Kurt Lewin proposes is that whenever driving forces are stronger than restraining forces the status quo or equilibrium will change. Now thats useful. Especially if we apply this to understanding how people move through change and why they resist change. There will always be driving forces that make change attractive to people and restraining forces that work to keep things as they are. 929

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Successful change is achieved by either strengthening the driving forces or weakening the restraining forces. The force field analysis integrates with Lewin’s three stage theory of change as you work towards unfreezing the existing equilibrium moving towards the desired change and then freezing the change at the new level so that a new equilibrum exists that resists further change. Using the Force Field Analysis Lewins force field analysis is used to distinguish which factors within a situation or organisation drive a person towards or away from a desired state and which oppose the driving forces. These can be analysed in order to inform decisions that will make change more acceptable. Forces are more than attitudes to change. Kurt Lewin was aware that there is a lot of emotion underlying peoples attitude to change. To understand what makes people resist or accept change we need to understand the values and experiences of that person or group. Developing self awareness and emotional intelligence can help to understand these forces that work within us and others. It’s the behaviour of others that will alert you to the presence of driving and restraining forces at work. The following steps are a guide to using the force field analysis. You might find it useful to follow the process using the Force Field Analysis Application Tool available . 1. Define the change you want to see. Write down the goal or vision of a future desired state. Or you might prefer to understand the present status quo or equilibrium. 930

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2. Brainstorm or Mind Map the Driving Forces - those that are favourable to change. Record these on a force field diagram. 3. Brainstorm or Mind Map the Restraining Forces - those that are unfavourable to or oppose change. Record these on the force field diagram. 4. Evaluate the Driving and Restraining forces. You can do this by rating each force from 1 weak to 5 strong and total each side. Or you can leave the numbers out completely and focus holistically on the impact each has. 5. Review the forces. Decide which of the forces have some flexibility for change or which can be influenced. 6. Strategise Create a strategy to strengthen the driving forces or weaken the restraining forces or both. If youve rated each force how can you raise the scores of the Driving Forces or lower the scores of the Restraining Forces or both 7. Prioritise action steps. What action steps can you take that will achieve the greatest impact Identify the resources you will need and decide how to implement the action steps. Hint: Sometimes its easier to reduce the impact of restraining forces than it is to strengthen driving forces. Criticism of the force field analysis usually focuses on the subjectivity of attributing scores to the driving or restraining forces. Some writers suggest the model applies within limited settings and that there are situations outside of these settings in which Lewin’s theory may be less applicable. At the end of the day the force field analysis is a tool that may or may not be useful in your situation. You can decide this or allow others to make a decision. 931

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The force field analysis is backed by the Lewin change management model and has over time developed credibility as a professional change management tool Sources: http://www.alancohen.com/coachtraining/life-coach-training- lesson-18/ "Unleashing Potential – The Promise of Coaching" Yvonne Freitas McGookin Matt Aspin http://www.change-management-coach.com/resistance-to- change.html http://www.change-management-coach.com/kurt_lewin.html 932

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4.3 EFFECTIVE GOAL SETTING A study revealed that amongst people with the same background the top three percent outperform the next twenty- seven percent by a factor of ten. One of very few differences between these two groups was their attitude to goal setting. The top three percent have clear written goals. For the twenty- seven percent group to join the top group would only take a shift in some attitudes and a realization that the art of goal setting would make them more successful to an amazing degree. In order to be effective goal setting should be : - consistent with the coachee’s stage of change’ e.g. a ‘pre- contemplator’ may resist a goal of total abstinence but mayembrace reducing the risk of infection - negotiated. Negotiation is not bestowed on a coachee . It is a strategy to influence behaviour. Negotiated goals are more likely to generate patient commitment and adherence. - realistic - specific and achievable. A broad goal may be broken down into several component parts - short-term so that progress can be monitored and success quickly realised - solution-focused and defined in positive terms. Changing behaviour will be more successful if couched in positive terms of acquisition rather than reduction presence not absence e.g. increasing the number of days without smoking as opposed to decreasing the number of smoking days 933

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FIVE EASY STEPS TO SMART GOAL SETTING In order to have a good chance of being accomplished a goal has to be specific. The point is you need to know HOW TO SET SMART GOALS if you want to make SMART decisions in your life. Developing the skill of smart goal setting has the potential to make a significant difference in your life - it provides a solid platform for:  Starting personal and business projects  Making strategic decisions  Creating excellent action plans which incorporate your short and long term development goals If you dont know how to set SMART GOALS then you may well not be realizing your full potential. Any SMART person will tell you the same thing: “if you dont know where it is you want to go you are going to wind up somewhere else” This would be so sorry because you dont want to invest your precious time into any adventures without knowing exactly what it is you want to achieve both in the short and long term. A lot of people go into a venture having some vague idea about what they want to achieve and where they want to be in 6 months 1 year 5 and 10 years down the track. Well Im here to tell you that unless those ideas can be translated into specific 934

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and measurable SMART GOALS they are wasting their time - they just aint gonna get there………sorry WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN - Think about your DREAMS and aspirations - where do you see yourself down the track what are you doing who are you doing it with who do you want to help do you own the house of your dreams the car of your dreams are you traveling the world etc - You get the picture……… The problem is that the words GOALS and DREAMS all too often become synonymous and that is where confusion sets in Of course there is nothing wrong with having a vision for your business and your life. In fact it is absolutely a key ingredient for success. However if you think a goal looks like this: "I would like to be financially free able to give up my JOB stay at home and look after my kids take them on world trips and live in a million dollar house" Then think again Thats a dream alright the kind you have in your pillow at night But its NOT a Goal Sure it could be your vision and it could become your reality but in order to achieve this wildly inspiring picture you need to immerse yourself in some "real" goal setting activity not just dreams 935

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So lets cut to the chase What is SMART goal setting S M A R T is a mnemonic used in management. S M A R T is a way to evaluate that the objectives for a particular project are relevant and appropriate for that project. S M A R T Objectives are an integral part of Management By Objectives MBO. Management by objectives has been used extensively by managers as a planning tool. It is a process by which managers and employees work together and agree on specific and defined objectives for a particular project. This process ensures that both managers and employees agree on and are committed to the project outcomes. The origin of the term S M A R T objectives is unknown however Peter Drucker in his 1954 book "The Practice of Management" outlined a system that was very similar to S M A R T objectives as part of his discussion on Management by Objectives MBO. The process of writing S M A R T objectives or smart goal setting has become a business management tool used extensively for project management and also for performance appraisal purposes. Learning how to write and use SMART goal setting is a skill you definitely want to master if you want to be successful in YOUR life and in YOUR business 936

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Success does not just happen to the lucky nor is working hard sufficient. It is all about developing skills for success and those skills are many and varied. If you really want to make your life hum youll develop the skill of SMART goal setting and include this process as an integral part of your action plan. Smart goal setting adds clarity focus and purpose to every action plan. Without objectives planning is often non existent or at best done at the same time that you are about to take action This is problematic and not good practice. Plans can often change as a result of either a lack of time to consider all options or because there was no predetermined outcome in the first place. In other words you are flying by the seat of your pants instead of having a well thought through plan of attack. So what do you do if youve got NO IDEA how to set goals for your life and you need some goal setting tips - some simple techniques to get started Well Ive got GREAT NEWS for you It is really not that complex if you follow……… The 5 Easy Steps to SMART goal setting Before we get started on those 5 Easy Steps I want to make sure you are 100 clear on the following: 937

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Firstly what is an objective or goal An objective or goal is a specific statement describing a RESULT. Secondly why set goals Setting and clarifying goals is an essential part of the path to success. Thirdly - what do objectives or goals provide for YOU  Direction for activities  A clear process for defining expected results  The criteria against which actual accomplishments can be measured  Targets to motivate performance improvements  A common sense of purpose which enhances teamwork SMART goal setting is one of the most positive and rewarding habits you can develop in your personal life as it is in any business. It is a process by which you can evaluate the current situation and develop strategies to move forward. Moving forward is what gives you the growth and success that most people aspire too. If it is your desire to be successful in your life then you most certainly dont want to accept the "status quo". The only way to make sure you are not sitting in exactly the same place you are sitting in today in 6 months 1 year or 10 years time is to implement smart goal setting as one of your primary practices. SMART Goal Setting assists YOU to PLAN AHEAD and develop a STRATEGIC APPROACH to creating SUCCESS inYOUR life 938

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Here is how you do it: OK so thats the goal setting theory - how would you apply this S M A R T model to your life If a goal or objective is going to be an effective success building tool it needs to be S M A R T. In other words you need to write your goals so that they measure up against the S M A R T criteria from the 5 Easy Steps chart above. 939

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Lets take a look at a real life example. How about this: "I want to save enough in order to be able to buy a new car by the end of next year.” Is this a SMART Goal - does it measure up Lets break up this goal and see if its SMART using the goal setting form below. Can we can tick all the boxes right It doesn’t really look like this could be an excellent example of smart goal setting does it 940

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Lets look at this more closely by evaluating this objective in terms of each of the 5 Easy Steps: STEP ONE - SPECIFIC - is this objective specific Do we know WHAT we are looking at here NO we do not - our objective is too vague: we do not know how much we will have to save nor what car we want to buy. Vague objectives are not inspiring. We have to be able to visualize our goal: see ourselves enjoying the success when the goal will be met. STEP TWO - MEASURABLE - Do we know HOW MUCH or HOW MANY You may have a perfectly clear idea about the price of the car you want to buy and the amount of money you will have to save but you omitted to write the numbers down. In three months from now how will you know that you are on the good track How will you know when an extra effort is required STEP THREE - ACTION ORIENTATED - Does it describe a result Again the words "save" and “buy a car” are too vague Im afraid. What do they really represent How would you measure this How could you know that you are actually saving enough Can you find a better way to describe the result you are looking for STEP FOUR - REALISTIC - Is this goal realistic and relevant to the business owner Again it doesn’t show from the description of your goal. How much are you earning How much can you save How will you spread your saving effort How will you anticipate possible changes in earnings expenses price of the car unexpected costs … In a smart goal you will have taken these elements into account 941

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The key to remember here is this: smart goal setting is about setting goals that are challenging but realistically achievable - no point setting a goal for the sake of it and knowing there isnt a hope that youll ever achieve it - that would be pretty demoralizing not to mention slightly stupid STEP FIVE - TIME-BASED - BY WHEN should this be done In this case do we have a deadline by which this goal should be achieved in order that we might measure the outcome The short answer is YES we do. So in this example out of the 5 steps only one has been correctly defined. How helpful would it be to you if your goals are this vague - Is this SMART goal setting ----- Well NO The solution to better planning is to define challenging but realistic goals then think ahead about what how and by when exactly you want to achieve be very specific about your data ... and to plan regular evaluations. The "5 EASY STEPS TO SMART GOAL SETTING". Smart Goal Setting is a very important part of your skill development and overall success in life. Dont ever underestimate the power of this skill to make your life hum LEARN it PRACTICE it and APPLY it to YOUR life. Youll be very glad you did Source: http://www.network-marketing-mlm-success- system.com/smart-goal-setting.html 942

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Goals Goals and and Goal-Setting Goal-Setting Goal-setting is the one activity that sets apart self-developers from those who survive or just get by. Goal-setting enables us to create the future we want to happen rather than live the future that others want to happen. In goal-setting we take charge. Here are 7 ways to set reachable goals. 1. Start With Your Strengths Although you can base your goals on anything you want your chances of success are greater if first you base them on your strengths and second on the current opportunities in your field. To find out your strengths do some self-research such as a personal SWOT: your strengths weaknesses opportunities and threats. 2. Put Your Goals In Writing Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants cants into cans dreams into plans and plans into reality. The act of writing clarifies your goals and provides you with a way to check your progress. You can even add reasons to give you more motivation. So dont just think it - ink it 3. Dream Big One of the factors that restricts the realisation of our full potential is the belief that we shouldnt go for big goals. Yet all the evidence of those who realize big goals is that we can always achieve far more than we think. David Schwartz says in his book "The Magic of Thinking Big": "Big goals attract big resources like a magnet." 4. Pitch Each Goal Once you have set your ultimate goal you then need to set the intermediate goals that will get you where you want. Dont pitch these too easily or too ambitiously or they will drop into the 943

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Drop Zone. Aim to make them challenging: out of reach but not out of sight. 5. Express Them Right Its important to express your goals in the right way. • never express your goal in terms of what you dont want always in terms of what you do want • express your goals in performance terms not reward terms • express your goals in terms of how others benefit • express your goals according to the principles which matter. 6. Set Goals In Terms of Behaviour When we set goals for ourselves they should be expressed in behavioural terms rather than in terms of status rewards or position. That’s because behaviour is something within our power while status rewards and position are not. Formulating goals in behavioural terms also means we present a strong positive image of ourselves to our brains. The brain not knowing the difference between a real or imagined experience then seeks to act in accordance with the presented image. 7. Pursue Your Goals With Passion The driving force behind your goal-achievement is Desire. You must desire your goals constantly vividly and with a burning passion knowing that you have already achieved them and now only need to realise them. If you do you cannot fail to achieve them. It was said of Michaelangelo that such was his focus and desire he could blot out every distraction while working on a project such as the statue of David until it was completed. Goal-setting is central to maximising our potential because it enables us to create something unique and new in our lives. Goal-setting allows us to feed our goal-oriented brain and puts us in control of our futures. 944

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Programming Programming Your Your Goals Goals Programming is a computer term that aptly describes what happens when we feed a goal into the network of our minds. We give it the goal and then programme it to achieve it. It then works like a locked-on missile seeking out its target. The following are 7 proven programming techniques that will ensure you land right on target. 1. Affirm What You Want Affirming what you want means stating your goal in the present tense as if youd already achieved it. The brain takes whatever action needed to comply with the affirmation. Affirmations should be positive realistic and expressed in emotive words such as “I love…” and “I enjoy…”. All of life’s outstanding achievers use affirmations. World champion boxer Muhammed Ali said "I am the greatest". Composer Ludwig van Beethoven said "I know that I am an artist". 2. Visualise It Visualisation means seeing yourself in your minds eye having achieved your goal. The secret of visualisation is to do it in such rich detail and with all your senses that you are fully there. Ray Kroc founder of restaurant chain McDonalds had a regular bedtime routine in which he would imagine all the day’s problems written on a blackboard. One by one he would visualise them being solved. As a result he managed to sleep like a log. 3. Associate Your Goal With Rewards Associate your goal with something you desire such as money a desired object or simply the feeling of pleasure and you will be motivated towards it. Alternatively associate not getting your goal with something you dont want such as loss of money or physical pain and you will remind yourself of what to avoid. 945

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These two feelings pleasure and pain are powerful programming forces. 4. Act As If The more you act as if youve already achieved what you want the more likely you are to achieve it. Its what cricketers do in the nets. Or teams that rehearse fire drills each week. Or entrepreneurs who visit their dream home each day as if they already owned it. The brain cannot tell the difference between actual reality and imagined reality and so will simply believe you have already achieved your goals. 5. De-Bug With Positive Self-Talk Just as a computer programme occasionally gets infected with viruses and bugs so your own goal-setting programming can get infected with setbacks doubts and feelings of failure. That’s when you need an anti-virus mental programme to get rid of the bugs. One such programming is Positive Suggestion which is activated whenever you have thoughts of fear panic or doom. Simply replace your negative thoughts with positive ones and remind yourself of your progress: “Every day in every way I am getting nearer and nearer my goals.” 6.Leave It Alone Once we feed our goals into our subconscious brains it’s very important that we let our brains get on with the job without interference. The conscious brain is like the machine operator while the sub-conscious is the machine itself. This means that you have to let go and resist the temptation to analyse or check how it’s doing. When you let go you let God or if you like let good into your life. 7. Pray With Heartfelt Gratitude Prayers are a form of programming that people have practised for centuries. But with one important difference from other 946

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kinds of programming. As well as verbalizing or internalizing something you want you give thanks as if you already possessed it. Such gratitude connects you to a mightier power than you possess and unleashes great forces that work on your behalf. When you practise these 7 programming techniques to achieve your goals you will achieve with scientific certainty whatever you desire. 947

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4.4 MOTIVATING OTHERS Using Motivation Theories to Help Influence Behavior Written by: N Nayab • Edited by: Ginny Edwards Research has established a relationship between motivation theories and organizational behavior. Read on for an explanation of how employees behave in an organization and how to motivate them to work to their potential. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory The Need Hierarchy theory of Abraham Maslow first expounded in 1943 ranks amongst the earliest studies linking motivational theory and organizational behavior. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory lists a hierarchy of five need levels: 1. Physiological needs or the need for basic necessities such as food water and shelter 2. Safety needs or the need for security in both home and work 3. Social needs or the need for loving acceptance and group affiliation 4. Esteem needs or the need for recognition and acknowledgment and self-respect 5. Self-actualization needs or the need to develop to ones fullest potential An employee works his way up the need hierarchy and on fulfilling a need level aspires for the next level. For instance an employee already having attained recognition and 948

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acknowledgment no longer remains motivated by rewards such as recognition and acknowledgment and would instead require opportunities for self-actualization to remain motivated. Conversely an employee frustrated by the inability to fulfill higher-level needs may strive to fulfill lower level needs. Organizations can motivate employees by identifying the individual employee’s position in the need hierarchy and creating conditions that make it possible for him or her to achieve such needs through efforts in the workplace. For example good leadership can facilitate better group communications. Alfred Alderfer’s ERG Theory Alderfer’s ERG theory is a modification of Maslow’s need hierarchy theory and holds motivation dependent on three need dimensions: Existence Relatedness and Growth. Existence refers to desire for physiological and materialistic well-being Relatedness refers to the desire to have significant positive relationships with other people of consequence and growth refers to the desire to grow and use one’s innate abilities to the fullest potential. The theory holds that an individual remains motivated to any of these three need categories:  Need for achievement nAch such as the desire to do things in a better or efficient way to solve complex problems and the like  Need for affiliation nAff such as the desire to establish and maintain good relations with others to become part of a group and the like  Need for power nPower such as the desire to assume leadership become a decision making authority and the like 949

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The order of importance of these three needs varies among individuals. Organizations looking to motivate an employee need to focus on individual thought processes to identify the dominant need category and establish performance rewards that fulfill such needs. Victor Vroom’s Expectancy Theory Victor Vroom’s Expectancy theory holds that employees perform to the level that they believe maximize their overall best interests. The prospects of desirable rewards that satisfy needs and a strong desire to satisfy needs motivate employees to perform to their potential. The Expectancy Theory holds motivation as a function of Expectancy Instrumentality and Valence. Expectancy refers to the expectations and confidence of employees regarding their ability to perform a task and depends on factors such as basic skills required for the task support expected from superiors and subordinates availability of required tools and equipment and the like. Instrumentality refers to the perception of whether accomplishment of the task leads to the desired results. This depends on factors such as rules of performance and reward transparency and trust in the process and the like. Valence refers to the emotional orientations of people regarding the outcomes or rewards or the level of satisfaction they expect to get from the rewards. A reward motivates only if employees have a positive valence or a preference to have the specified reward to not having it. For instance some employees may prefer having time off whereas other employees might not have the need for time off and might prefer money or achievement. Organizations looking to motivating employees in the workplace need to ensure that all the three factors: Expectancy Instrumentality and Valence remain positive or high. Even 950

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achieving two out of these three factors does not motivate the employee. Equity Theory John Adam’s equity theory of motivation holds that people gauge the fairness of their work outcomes not based on the rewards they get in return for their work but the extent of their rewards for the work put in relative to what others get. Individuals who perceive that they receive relatively less than others in proportion to their work inputs experience negative equity and individuals who perceive that they receive relatively more than others in proportion to their work inputs experience positive equity. Organizations looking to motivate employees in the workplace need to ensure positive equity and avoid negative equity. Factors that trigger positive or negative equity are changes in work inputs changes in outcomes changes in the comparison person and the like. The key to redress negative equity includes effective communication of reliable evaluation standards and comparison points to the employees. Reinforcement Theory B. F. Skinner’s reinforcement theory states that the individual’s behavior is a function of its reinforcement which in turn bases itself on the “law of effect.” Reinforcement is the administration of a behavior resultant consequence and proper management of reinforcement helps change the direction level and persistence of an individual’s behavior. The law of effect holds people repeat behavior that results in a pleasant outcome and avoid behavior that results in unpleasant outcomes. Organizations looking to motivate employees need to indulge in the systematic reinforcement of desirable work behavior. 951

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The strategies to reinforce desirable work behaviors include 1. using positive reinforcement through immediate rewards and encouragement whenever positive behavior occurs 2. withdrawal of negative consequences to increase the likelihood of repeating the desired behavior in a similar setting 3. inflicting punishment or the administration of negative consequences to reduce the likelihood of repeating an undesired behavior in similar settings 4. extinction or withdrawal of the reinforcing consequences for a given behavior to discourage repetition Herzberg’s Motivator-Hygiene Theory Herzberg’s Motivator-Hygiene theory ranks among the earliest studies of motivational theories and organizational behavior. This theory approaches motivation through job satisfaction and hold that jobs that do not offer achievement recognition stimulating work responsibility and advancement do not provide satisfaction whereas jobs that offer achievement recognition stimulating work responsibility and advancement provide satisfaction and hence motivation. Poor company policies administration supervision pay interpersonal relationships with supervisors and working conditions cause dissatisfaction and demotivate employees whereas good policies efficient administration effective supervision good pay and good interpersonal relationships and working conditions create job satisfaction that motivates employees to work to their potential. Source: http://www.brighthub.com/office/human- resources/articles/95269.aspx 952

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Motivating the coachee As you read in the part on challenging the coachee in spite of the fact that the coachee knows he is in trouble and has come to see you about it he isnt always motivated to really work on his problems. He can also get discouraged in the course of the sessions. It is up to you then to motivate him again by encouraging him to look at it from different angles. Here are some motivating sentences that you could use: What would encourage you What would swing you into action What inner resources could possibly strengthen your will to succeed How could you speed things up How much time do you allocate yourself The sooner you start the quicker you can reach your goal. We could go over everything again but how about starting today Every journey starts with the first step. Sometimes you need to just grin and bear it and go on. Examples: Despite the counselling I give up. I just cant make it through the month. I think youve come a long way hold on. Lets look at what we can come up with to make it through the coming week. What do you think you need for that I really think I should cancel the evaluation with my boss. Its no use. Look once youve had the evaluation with your boss at least youll know where you stand. It might not go as you wish but things will be clearer then. And then you can make new 953

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plans and put your energy in them. Lets see how you can prepare for the interview. Nice plans weve made but I just dont seem to be able to carry them out. Whats holding you back I keep forgetting How can you stop yourself from forgetting Write things on a piece of paper and put it on the back of the door so I see it before I leave the house. Thats a good idea. Heres a piece of paper... I want to quit school because I dont think I will ever graduate. Maybe but youve studied hard for four years. You only have a few more months to go. Actually you are virtually there and now you want to throw away four years just like that Bit of a waste eh Its your choice to throw away four years of effort. Im scared to death I will flunk. So its very important to you that you make it. Yes I didnt put in four years for nothing. What would motivate you to go for it those last few months Source: Source: The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen 954

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4.5 SURFING THE FLOW SPIRAL Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus full involvement and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields. According to Csíkszentmihályi flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled but positive energized and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy even rapture while performing a task . although flow is also described below as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or ones emotions. Colloquial terms for this or similar mental states include: to be on the ball in the moment present in the zone wired in in the groove or owning. Components of flow Csíkszentmihályi identifies the following ten factors as accompanying an experience of flow 1. Clear goals expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with ones skill set and abilities. Moreover the challenge level and skill level should both be high. 2. Concentrating a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it. 955

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3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness the merging of action and awareness. 4. Distorted sense of time ones subjective experience of time is altered. 5. Direct and immediate feedback successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent so that behavior can be adjusted as needed. 6. Balance between ability level and challenge the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult. 7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity. 8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding so there is an effortlessness of action. 9. A lack of awareness of bodily needs to the extent that one can reach a point of great hunger or fatigue without realizing it 10. Absorption into the activity narrowing of the focus of awareness down to the activity itself action awareness merging. Not all are needed for flow to be experienced. Etymology Flow is so named because during Csíkszentmihályis 1975 interviews several people described their "flow" experiences using the metaphor of a water current carrying them along. The psychological concept of flow as becoming absorbed in an activity is thus unrelated to the older phrase go with the flow. 956

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History/background The study of the concept of flow came about in the 1960s. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who is considered to be the founder of flow and his fellow researchers began researching flow after Csikszentmihalyi became fascinated by artists who would essentially get lost in their work. Artists especially painters got so immersed in their work that they would disregard their need for food water and even sleep. Thus the origin of research on the theory of flow came about when Csikszentmihalyi tried to understand this phenomenon experienced by these artists. Flow research became prevalent in the 1980s and 1990s still with Csikszentmihalyi and his colleagues in Italy at the forefront. Researchers interested in optimal experiences and emphasizing positive experiences especially in places such as schools and the business world also began studying the theory of flow in this time period. The theory of flow was greatly used in the theories of Maslow and Rogers in their development of the humanistic tradition of psychology. Flow has been experienced throughout history and across cultures. The teachings of Buddhism and Taoism speak of a state of mind known as the "action of inaction" or "doing without doing" that greatly resembles the idea of flow. Also Indian texts on Advaita philosophy such as Ashtavakra Gita and the Yoga of Knowledge such as Bhagavad-Gita refer to this similar state. Historical sources hint that Michelangelo may have painted the ceiling of the Vaticans Sistine Chapel while in a flow state. It is reported that he painted for days at a time and he was so absorbed in his work that he did not stop for food or sleep until he reached the point of passing out. He would wake up refreshed and upon starting to paint again re-entered a state of complete absorption. 957

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Bruce Lee also spoke of a psychological state similar to flow in his book the Tao of Jeet Kune Do. Mechanism of flow In every given moment there is a great deal of information made available to each individual. Psychologists have found that ones mind can attend to only a certain amount of information at a time. According to Millers 1956 study that number is about 126 bits of information per second. That may seem like a large number and a lot of information but simple daily tasks take quite a lot of information. Just having a conversation takes about 40 bits of information per second thats 1/3 of ones capacity. That is why when one is having a conversation he or she cannot focus as much of his or her attention on other things. For the most part except for basic bodily feelings like hunger and pain which are innate people are able to decide what they want to focus their attention on. However when one is in the flow state he or she is completely engrossed with the one task at hand and without making the conscious decision to do so loses awareness of all other things: time people distractions and even basic bodily needs. This occurs because all of the attention of the person in the flow state is on the task at hand there is no more attention to be allocated. One cannot force oneself to enter flow. It just happens. A flow state can be entered while performing any activity although it is most likely to occur when one is wholeheartedly performing a task or activity for intrinsic purposes. Mental state in terms of challenge level and skill level according to Csikszentmihalyi. 958

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Conditions for flow There are three conditions that are necessary to achieve the flow state: 1. One must be involved in an activity with a clear set of goals. This adds direction and structure to the task. 2. One must have a good balance between the perceived challenges of the task at hand and his or her own perceived skills. One must have confidence that he or she is capable to do the task at hand. 3. The task at hand must have clear and immediate feedback. This helps the person negotiate any changing demands and allows him or her to adjust his or her performance to maintain the flow state. 959

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In 1997 Csíkszentmihályi published the graph to the right. This graph depicts the relationship between the perceived challenges of a task and ones perceived skills. This graph illustrates one further aspect of flow: it can only occur when the activity at hand is a higher-than-average challenge above the center point and requires above-average skills to the right of the center point. The center of this graph where the sectors meet represents ones average levels of challenge and skill. The further from the center an experience is the greater the intensity of that state of being whether it is flow or anxiety or boredom or relaxation. The autotelic personality Csíkszentmihályi hypothesized that people with several very specific personality traits may be better able to achieve flow more often than the average person. These personality traits include curiosity persistence low self-centeredness and a high rate of performing activities for intrinsic reasons only. People with most of these personality traits are said to have an autotelic personality. It has not yet been documented whether people with an autotelic personality are truly more likely to achieve a flow state. One researcher Abuhamdeh 2000 did find that people with an autotelic personality have a greater preference for "high-action- opportunity high-skills situations that stimulate them and encourage growth" than those without an autotelic personality. It is in such high-challenge high-skills situations that people are most likely to enter the flow state. Group flow Csíkszentmihályi suggests several ways a group can work together so that each individual member achieves flow. The characteristics of such a group include: 960

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 Creative spatial arrangements: Chairs pin walls charts but no tables thus work primarily standing and moving  Playground design: Charts for information inputs flow graphs project summary craziness here also craziness has a place safe place here all may say what is otherwise only thought result wall open topics  Parallel organized working  Target group focus  Advancement of existing one prototyping  Increase in efficiency through visualization  Using differences among participants as an opportunity rather than an obstacle Applications Applications suggested by Csíkszentmihályi versus other practitioners Only Csíkszentmihályi seems to have published suggestions for extrinsic applications of the flow concept such as design methods for playgrounds to elicit the flow experience. Other practitioners of Csíkszentmihályis flow concept focus on intrinsic applications such as spirituality performance improvement or self-help. Reinterpretations of Csíkszentmihályis flow process exist to improve performance in areas as diverse as business piano improvisation sport psychology computer programming and standup comedy. Education In education there is the concept of overlearning which seems to be an important factor in this technique in that Csíkszentmihályi states that overlearning enables the mind to concentrate on visualizing the desired performance as a singular integrated action instead of a set of actions. Challenging assignments that slightly stretch ones skills lead to flow. 961

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Around 2000 it came to the attention of Csíkszentmihályi that the principles and practices of the Montessori Method of education seemed to purposefully set up continuous flow opportunities and experiences for students. Csíkszentmihályi and psychologist Kevin Rathunde embarked on a multi-year study of student experiences in Montessori settings and traditional educational settings. The research supported observations that students achieved flow experiences more frequently in Montessori settings. Music Musicians especially improvisational soloists may experience a similar state of mind while playing their instrument. Research has shown that performers in a flow state have a heightened quality of performance as opposed to when they are not in a flow state. In a study performed with professional classical pianists who played piano pieces several times to induce a flow state a significant relationship was found between the flow state of the pianist and the pianist’s heart rate blood pressure and major facial muscles. As the pianist entered the flow state heart rate and blood pressure decreased and the major facial muscles relaxed. This study further emphasized that flow is a state of effortless attention. In spite of the effortless attention and overall relaxation of the body the performance of the pianist during the flow state improved. Groups of drummers experience a state of flow when they sense a collective energy that drives the beat something they refer to as getting into the groove. Bass guitarists often describe a state of flow when properly playing between the percussion and melody as being in the pocket. 962

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Sports Flow may occur in challenging sports such as Eventing. The concept of being in the zone during an athletic performance fits within Csíkszentmihályis description of the flow experience and theories and applications of being in the zone and its relationship with athletic competitive advantage are topics studied in the field of sport psychology. Timothy Gallwey’s influential works on the "inner game" of sports such as golf and tennis described the mental coaching and attitudes required to "get in the zone" and fully internalize mastery of the sport. Roy Palmer suggests that "being in the zone" may also influence movement patterns as better integration of the conscious and subconscious reflex functions improves coordination. Many athletes describe the effortless nature of their performance while achieving personal bests – see references. The Formula One driver Ayrton Senna who during qualifying for the 1988 Monaco Grand Prix explained: "I was already on pole ... and I just kept going. Suddenly I was nearly two seconds faster than anybody else including my team mate with the same car. And suddenly I realised that I was no longer driving the car consciously. I was driving it by a kind of instinct only I was in a different dimension. It was like I was in a tunnel." When challenges and skills are simultaneously above average a broadly positive experience emerges. Also vital to the flow state is a sense of control which nevertheless seems simultaneously effortless and masterful. Control and concentration manifest with a transcendence of normal awareness one aspect of this transcendence is the loss of self-consciousness. 963

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Religion and spirituality Csíkszentmihályi may have been the first to describe this concept in Western psychology but as he himself readily acknowledges he was most certainly not the first to quantify the concept of flow or develop applications based on the concept. For millennia practitioners of Eastern religions such as Hinduism Buddhism and Taoism have honed the discipline of overcoming the duality of self and object as a central feature of spiritual development. Eastern spiritual practitioners have developed a very thorough and holistic set of theories around overcoming duality of self and object tested and refined through spiritual practice instead of the systematic rigor and controls of modern science. The phrase being at one with things is a metaphor of Csíkszentmihályis flow concept. Practitioners of the varied schools of Zen Buddhism apply concepts similar to flow to aid their mastery of art forms including in the case of Japanese Zen Buddhism Aikido Cheng Hsin Judo Honkyoku Kendo and Ikebana. In yogic traditions such as Raja Yoga reference is made to a state of flow in the practice of Samyama a psychological absorption in the object of meditation. Theravada Buddhism refers to "access concentration" which is a state of flow achieved through meditation and used to further strengthen concentration into jhana and/or to develop insight. In Islam the first mental state that precedes human action is known as al-khatir. In this state an image or thought is born in the mind. When in this mental state and contemplating upon an ayat or an imprint of God one may experience a profound state of Oneness or flow whereby the phenomena of nature the macrocosmic world and the souls of people are understood as a sign of God. Also the teaching in the Quran of different nations of people existing so that they may come to know each other is 964

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an example of Oneness. All members of society and the world are considered to be in flow of Oneness one family one body. GamingThis is especially true since the primary goal of games is to create entertainment through intrinsic motivation. The use of flow in games helps foster an enjoyable experience which increases motivation and draws players to continue playing. Game designers in particular benefit from integration of flow principles into game design. Games facilitate flow as either an individual or group activity. Flow in games has been linked to the Laws of Learning as part of the explanation for why learning games the use of games to introduce material improve understanding or increase retention can show such incredible results. In particular flow is intrinsically motivating which is part of the Law of Readiness. The condition of feedback required for flow is associated with the feedback aspects of the Law of Exercise. The positive emotions associated with flow are associated with the Law of Effect. The intense experiences of being in a state of flow are directly associated with the Law of Intensity. Using the Web Researchers suggest that using the internet can cause a flow state for users. If individuals are going through a flow state which is a pleasurable experience web users eventually improve their subjective well-being through accumulated ephemeral moments. Many web users report certain descriptions of flow when using the web for example absorbed interest a feeling of discovery immersed pleasure and time going very fast. Flow Activities on the Web Web users state that activities in the web atmosphere lead to a flow state. There are four common activities that promote flow searching surfing reading and writing and chatting. 965

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Searching The first and the most common activity to reach the flow state on the web is searching on the web. An example of searching is solving a problem such as the following responses from participants in a study of web flow: "I was very involved in several projects and used the net resources to look up items to supplement/back-up/provide information on those projects." "Doing research into emotional intelligence theory ± following links and leads to more information." "Trying to find some scientific references for my research." "Anytime I get involved in a new research project on the Web I get so excited and into it I can have someone talking to me right next to my desk . . . and I wont even hear them talking." Surfing or Navigating The second activity to reach flow state on the web is surfing or navigating. An example of surfing or navigating is going through hyperlinks such as the following responses from participants in a study of web flow: "Going from site to site following links that were related." "Doing some Web searches for information on a hobby of mine." "I was going to a Web site which had a new song by my favorite punk band. I was surprised and enmeshed in it." "Looking for information on a specific book and got off on some links that were interesting and related sort of to what I started out looking for." 966

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Reading and Writing The third activity to reach flow state on the web are reading and writing. Reading consists of reading incoming emails news articles etc. on web pages. In addition writing consists of composing letters articles speeches etc. on web pages. The activity of reading e-mail and articles is one of the routes to experience flow because the text usually contains some new or relatively unfamiliar aspects providing the challenges to sustain flow which in turn usually caused growth and perceived benefits from increased knowledge and/or personal development. Furthermore writing articles speeches or emails corresponds with the flow model due to the fact that an individual is arranging his or her thoughts positively. Chatting online The fourth activity to reach flow state on the web is chatting online. An example of chatting online is communicating with other individuals such as the following responses from participants in a study of web flow: "I was simply engaged in a running series of conversations with friends . . ." "Chatroom outside normal business hours." "Involved in a nine-way chat session with some friends Ive made on the alt.fan.sailor-moon newsgroup." Other Activities There are many other activities people can partake in while using the web. Some individuals statethat they achieve flow by coding a program hacking into a small business building their own web page watching a movie preview troubleshooting computer problems and many more. 967

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Components/Symptoms of flow on the Web Merging of action and awareness When an individual is in flow they are concentrating and narrowing down their activity. Therefore an individual’s inner experience may reveal the phenomenon of merging action and awareness. The mind and action merge when individuals experience high concentration in the flow state. An example of high concentration in the flow state is a tennis player focusing only on his or her opponent and tennis ball disregarding all external and internal activities such as losing or yelling from an audience. In the web environment the merging of action and awareness is realized when a user becomes the issue he or she is debating the words he or she is typing the sentences he or she is reading or the machine he or she is working on. As a result people “just sit here and keep clicking and reading away”. Examples of merging action and awareness are responses from participants in a study of web flow: "Connected to the material like I had several books open at the same time and was moving between them without pause." "I feel am totally concentrated on my task. There is nothing but the keyboard the screen and my thought. If someone talks to me I will answer and I am still on ``stand by awareness with my environment but I wouldnt think of doing or saying anything." "When I was unemployed and desperately searching for work a task that seemed increasingly worthless I began reading newsgroups and involving myself in discussions and disagreements there. The more involved I became in the issues that I was discussing and arguing the less important my own petty problems became." "Just that my whole concentration is focused in what Im doing ± I become the words Im typing or reading. Its not that the outside world doesnt exist ± if one of my roommates knocks on 968

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my door I notice them and its not a shock to return to the outside world. But until that happens Im totally engrossed." "In chat sessions ± I chat often enough that ``talking through the keyboard has become second nature." "Relaxed . . . I guess just . . . well . . . nothing. I wasnt feeling anything until Id sit back and relax my eyes a bit . . . then Id realize that I had more stuff that I should be doing but Id just sit here and keep clicking and reading away." "I was in a heated discussion on a chat network for the better part of two hours. I cannot remember what the subject was about but all I knew was I was totally blind to the world." A Loss of Self-Consciousness People tend to lose awareness of self due to the experiencing of flow state. In addition people tend to lose the function of defending and protecting themselves because of flow. This is a common experience from web users such as the following responses below from participants in a study of web flow: "Whether it is reading newsgroups or doing a search for a particular thing I tend to concentrate and ``lose myself." "I become the persona I present in the newsgroup not my ``real self. Its my other identity." "I am a smoker I cant smoke in my office and sometimes I wont even want a cigarette for several hours when in the flow state." "How do I feel I tend to shut out my feelings too ± if Im reading/interacting with good content I put off my feeling that I need to go to the bathroom that I am hungry etc." "I feel like there is no ``Me I feel there has been a merging of man and machine." 969

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"I feel agitated and compelled to get the job done to the point of ignoring hunger thirst or the need to go to the bathroom." "I get so disconnected from the world that someone else has to pull me out. Like they were there with me to keep my mind off of the ``real world. Oblivious. The physical world and its demands cease to exist. My own mind and intelligence are the only limitations I encounter." "I heard the radio drank beer and smoked cigarettes. I was aware of my surroundings but yes I was less aware of my problems." "I dont know. I was working not looking at me working . . ." Sense of Time Distortion When a person is experiencing flow their internal clock slows down or speeds up but the external clock is constant. Furthermore people state that hours seem to change into minutes and vice versa. The sense of time distortion is frequent in the web environment such as the following responses from web users: "Even though I have a program that audibly announces the time in a female voice every 15 minutes on my computer I dont hear it . . . When I leave my computer from the newsgroup I have a slightly dazed disassociated feeling. While in the newsgroup I have lost all sense of time. What subjectively seems like 20 minutes turns out to have actually been 2 and 1/2 hours." "Time went by extremely fast. Two hours had passed before I had ever realized it. I was quite shocked that so much time had passed without me being aware of it." "Just that feeling of being totally absorbed in what youre doing looking at the clock and saying ``Dang how can it be 4 a.m. I just started this project 970

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"I felt involved and like the time was a half-hour but it was more like three hours." "Finding content material for a series of class presentations. I began putting the material together at 10 a.m. and floundered for a few minutes when I began finding detailed information I kept working of what seemed like an hour ± it was actually 3 p.m." "I dont remember specifics but I have several memories of head jerking as in when you fall asleep and your head falls forward and jerks back that caused me to realize that my perception of what time it should be was several hours behind the time it actually was." Professions and work Developers of computer software reference getting into a flow state sometimes referred to as The Zone or hack mode when developing in an undistracted state. Stock market operators often use the term "in the pipe" to describe the psychological state of flow when trading during high volume days and market corrections. Professional poker players use the term "playing the A-game" when referring to the state of highest concentration and strategical awareness. Flow in the Workplace Conditions of flow defined as a state in which challenges and skills are equally matched play an extremely important role in the workplace. Because flow is associated with achievement its development could have concrete implications in increasing workplace satisfaction and accomplishment. Flow researchers such as Csikszentmihalyi believe that certain interventions may be performed to enhance and increase flow in the workplace through which people would gain ‘intrinsic rewards that encourage persistence” and provide benefits. In his consultation work Csikszentmihalyi emphasizes finding activities and environments that are conducive to flow and then identifying 971

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and developing personal characteristics to increase experiences of flow. Applying these methods in the workplace such as Csikszentmihalyi did with Swedish police officers can improve morale by fostering a sense of greater happiness and accomplishment and in correlated to increased performance. In his review of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book “Good Business: Leadership Flow and the Making of Meaning” Coert Vissar introduces the ideas presented by Csikszentmihalyi including “good work” in which one “enjoys doing your best while at the same time contributing to something beyond yourself.” He then provides tools by which managers and employees can create an atmosphere that encourages good work. First Csikszentmihalyi explains that experiencing flow in which a task requires full involvement and the challenge of a task matches one’s ability. In order to achieve flow Csikszentmihalyi lays out the following eight conditions: 1. goals are clear 2. feedback is immediate 3. a balance between opportunity and capacity 4. concentration deepens 5. the present is what matters 6. control is no problem 7. the sense of time is altered 8. the loss of ego Csikszentmihalyi argues that with increased experiences of flow people experience “growth towards complexity” in which people flourish as their achievements grow and with that comes development of increasing “emotional cognitive and social complexity” Vissar. By creating a workplace atmosphere that allows for flow and growth Csikszentmihalyi argues can increase the happiness and achievement of employees. There are however barriers to achieving flow in the workplace. In his chapter “Why Flow Doesn’t Happen on the Job” Csikszentmihalyi 972

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argues the first reason that flow does not occur is that the goals of one’s job are not clear. He explains that while some tasks at work may fit into a larger organization plan the individual worker may not see where their individual task fits it. Second limited feedback about one’s work can reduce motivation and leaves the employee unaware of whether or not they did a good job. When there is little communication of feedback an employee may not be assigned tasks that challenge them or seem important which could potentially prevent an opportunity for flow. In the study “Predicting flow at work: Investigating the activities and job characteristics that predict flow states at work” Karina Nielsen and Bryan Clean used a 9- item flow scale to examine predictors of flow at two levels: activity level such as brainstorming problem solving and evaluation and at a more stable level such as role clarity influence and cognitive demands. They found that activities such as planning problem solving and evaluation predicted transient flow states but that more stable job characteristics were not found to predict flow at work. This study can help us identify which task at work can be cultivated and emphasized in order to help employees experience flow on the job. In her article in Positive Psychology News Daily Kathryn Britton examines the importance of experiencing flow in the workplace beyond the individual benefits it creates. She writes “Flow isn’t just valuable to individuals it also contributes to organizational goals. For example frequent experiences of flow at work lead to higher productivity innovation and employee development Csikszentmihalyi 1991 2004. So finding ways to increase the frequency of flow experiences can be one way for people to work together to increase the effectiveness of their workplaces.” 973

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Benefits of flow Flow is an innately positive experience it is known to "produce intense feelings of enjoyment and its improvement of performance results in satisfying achievement. Flow has a strong documented correlation with performance enhancement. Researchers have found that achieving a flow state is positively correlated with optimal performance in the fields of artistic and scientific creativity Perry 1999 Sawyer 1992 teaching Csíkszentmihályi 1996 learning Csíkszentmihályi et al. 1993 and sports Jackson Thomas Marsh Smethurst 2002 Stein Kimiecik Daniels Jackson 1995 Flow also has a strong correlation with the further development of skills and personal growth. When one is in a flow state he or she is working to master the activity at hand. To maintain that flow state one must seek increasingly greater challenges. Attempting these new difficult challenges stretches ones skills. One emerges from such a flow experience with a bit of personal growth and great "feelings of competence and efficacy". Further flow is positively correlated with a higher subsequent motivation to perform and to perform well. Source: Wikipedia the free encyclopedia 974

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4.6 INCREASING SELF ESTEEM 4.6.1 What You See is What You Get How do you see yourself Do you see yourself as someone who’s successful healthy and attractive Are you surrounded by positive influences and great relationships Or do you see yourself struggling with negativity or bad habits and questionable beha- vior What do YOU see What you see is essential because what you see is what you get We often have a distorted view of ourselves. For instance when people look in the mirror it’s like a fun house they see this completely ridiculous image only in this case it’s not fun and it’s not always reality. It’s very often not as bad as they perceive it to be. How you see yourself is critical to your life because your thoughts dictate your feelings and your actions. The person we believe ourselves to be will always act in a manner consistent with our self-image. Brian Tracy 975

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Time to Detox If you always see yourself as average dumb or overweight then you certainly will remain that way. If you change the image that you see inside your mind then it will change that image outside of your mind. It cannot happen any other way. You are what your thoughts are. First a thought then an action. Think about it. Is it better to see yourself failing or succeeding What if you think you’ll fail an exam or ruin a relationship If a thought is followed by an action how can negative thoughts be beneficial to anything Negative thoughts can only have a negative impact on the outcome of the event you’re thinking 976

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about and then you will act on that negativity. People do it in their relationships all the time they don’t ask they just assume the worst and then act as if it’s true. It alters their mood and their relationship all because of a negative thought or visualization. Even though you may not be where you want to be in your life what’s stopping you from doing something about it If you’re not happy with your career or relationship how will it change It can only change if you change. The “self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior. Maxwell Maltz Reign over the Brain If you’re not familiar with how powerful thoughts truly are then this should interest you. A study conducted by Dr. Blaslotto at the University of Chicago was done where he split people into three groups and tested each group on how many free throws they could make shooting a basketball. It went like so.  The first group practiced free throws every day for an hour.  The second group did nothing.  The third group just visualized themselves making free throws. 977

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After 30 days he tested them again and the results were quite amazing.  The first group improved by 24.  The second group did not improve which was expected  The third group improved by 23 without ever touching a basketball Imagine the improvement if they implemented both physical practice along with the mental rehearsal through positive thoughts and successful visualization. They were only instructed to harness the power of thought and that alone had a positive outcome. You become what you think about. Earl Nightingale One Flesh One Bone . . . One Vision You have one life one body and one mind so use it to the best of your abilities Do not believe what others think of you even if they’re right right now. You can prove them wrong from this day 978

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forward. You can turn your life around. You can learn and grow because creative visualization doesn’t just pertain to sports it’s equally effective in all aspects of life. Will visualization work every time No but it will always create a better outcome than if you focus on negative thoughts. Before I was a sales trainer and success coach I was a salesperson and I always assumed the best. I never thought “why would this person be interested” or “maybe I’m bothering them” instead I felt that every person I spoke to was going to want my product and coincidentally I was the top producer in my company. All because I acted on the thought that they were going to do business with me. I didn’t let them think it over nor did I send/leave information for them and why would I As far as I was concerned they were buying And they did more often than not. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right. Henry Ford Change your mind change your thoughts and change your life it’s all up to you no one else can do it for you. You have the power to decide exactly how you want your life to go so take it back and make it a fun house Source: Rob Liano - Rock Star Success Coach Sales Trainer www.rockstarsalestraining.com - 1.888.379.8315 979

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1.6.2 Beyond Encouragement. Validating Self-Worth and Character Through the Use of “Directed Reflections” Introduction Encouragement is a basic element in our work as coachs and therapists. Through the use of a new strategy “directed reflections” we can go beyond encouragement focusing on the 36 core components of character and truly validate self-worth and character. The results of this technique are profound and all coachs/therapists can benefit from its application. In this article the strategy of directed reflections is defined and demonstrated. Suggestions for use such as in debriefing “homework” and in character education are offered. Although Alfred Adler the creator of Individual Psychology did not focus directly on character education he did offer one of the more important concepts to be found in the counseling literature. For Adler the single criterion for “success” in life was embodied in the extent to which the individual possesses “social interest.” It is this concept that describes the ideal state of the individual’s mental health or what we might term today as “character.” Adler described social interest as being an aptitude or innate potentiality for living cooperatively and contributing to the good of others. However according to Adler social interest or character had to be consciously developed Milliren Evans Newbauer 2003. If we are to draw out and help develop social interest or character in others it is important that we validate it when we see or hear about it happening. Our coachees report the changes they are making all the time yet we rarely see these reports as opportunities for developing character. A chance 980

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remark from a coachee “My wife and I were able to have a long talk together last night”—presents a tremendous opportunity to draw out character traits that are already there. We have an opportunity to reflect the underlying character components and thereby reinforce the life choices that our coachees are making. Thus character education can become an everyday opportunity. Messer 2001 related character to the concept of self-respect. He quoted Rudolf Dreikurs a student of Alfred Adler as defining self-respect as “the feeling that one is a worthwhile human being in spite of one’s faults and imperfections” Messer2001p. 265. This represents the “courage to be imperfect” that Dreikurs discussed on numerous occasions Terner Pew 1978 and is the key to the development of character. Messer went on to say that self-respect or character “is not expressed in terms of ‘knowing’ but of ‘feeling.’ It is not based on objective conditions. It is a subjective experience” p. 265. Table 1 lists 36 “characteristics” or components that help to define one’s character. These serve as the traits or qualities that can be directly reflected to a coachee in response to his/her “success” report. 981

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The intention of a directed reflection is to draw out the elements of character that already exist for the person. The purpose is to “tag” that inner core where belief in self lies. Try to “hear” the following responses and note the differences. 1 “How did you feel about that” 2 “You must feel good about how that turned out for you.” 3 “It feels really good inside when you realize that you are capable of handling things for yourself.” The third example is a directed reflection. It is focused on the feeling component of the experience which is similar to the skill of reflective listening as in the second response above as well as on the character component that is being evidenced by the person. It is this latter element that is so critical to identify in and for the person. We need to draw that component out in our responses and demonstrate to the individual that he/she already is acting in positive useful and constructive ways. In the example that follows the various components of character noted in Table 1 are deliberately reflected back to the person. Each response is designed to capture a different character component. In the example these components are noted in parentheses. We have discovered that it is best to use a five-step response sequence that includes a variation of five different components of character. This system seems to provide a broader range of validation and is most reinforcing for the coachee. At a minimum a three-step system will suffice at a maximum anything that exceeds five different responses becomes overkill and begins to lose effectiveness. In this example a young woman is reporting what might be termed a “negative” success. However even in some of the sadness about losing a relationship there are opportunities to 983

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directly reflect the underlying positive elements of character that made it possible for her to end the relationship. YW: “I finally broke up with my boyfriend last night. You know he was pretty abusive to me.” CO: “As much as that may hurt right now you sound pretty confident about what you did.” Confidence YW: “I was kind of scared for a long time but I made up my mind to do it and now it’s done.” CO: “So you overcame your fear and took a big step.” Freedom from Fear/Anxiety YW: “It was—especially for me—I don’t like to cause trouble.” CO: “You’d rather keep the peace if you can but now you know you can take charge like this yourself” Power and Control YW: “I deserve better—he always put me down and told me I was stupid.” CO: “And you have more worth and value than that.” Equality YW: “Duhhhhh Of course I do” CO: “And now you are feeling really in control of the situation.” Independence YW: “Yeah. He wants to make up but I’m not interested any more.” You will note that the preceding example includes five different directed reflections. This is important because we want the person to really “hear” what we are saying. In the event that one reflection of a character component does not quite take we increase the odds by adding the other four. The general outcome however is that each of the directed reflections connects in some 984

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way with the core of a person’s being and serves to reinforce some aspect of the individual’s “inner self.” Directed reflections require the skill of intelligent or “educated” guessing. Guessing whether right or wrong allows the coach to arrive at the core of the situation much more quickly than endless fact-gathering and questioning. As we debrief the “homework” our coachees have participated in we can listen for the components of character and use the directed reflections to respond to the successful elements. However as seen in the example dialogue we do not have to limit our responses to positive experiences. If we do not get reports of successes spontaneously we might wish to open our individual and even group contacts with coachees with the following statements or questions: “Tell me about one of your ‘wins’ or successes.” “Tell me what you accomplished lately.” “Have you done something new that you’ve never done before” “What kind of positive risks have you taken” Then get set to listen and focus on the character component. If the person’s first response does not seem to lead anywhere then an appropriate response might be: “And how was that for you” In classroom groups we can select a story with a theme or character issue. These stories can serve as a stimulus to our discussions and directed reflections. We can ask “Have you ever had to make a similar choice” “Tell me about it.” As the students relate their stories respond to their telling with appropriate directed reflections from the 36 components of character. 985

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Summary The directed reflection is a new technique for validating the self- worth and character of others. A directed reflection is a response to another person that consists of a reflection of feeling coupled with a statement of one or more of the 36 components of character. For example we might say: “You’re feeling really pumped a reflection of feeling when you are in control of yourself and can make positive things happen for you two of the components of character.” Responses such as this provide an excellent means for debriefing a coachee’s “success” experience. For the greatest impact three to five directed reflections should be used at any one time. Conclusion This strategy should only be used to “catch” character when it is occurring. We cannot force the issue of character development. We can only reinforce the appropriate components of character when we have an opportunity to “observe” them in action. The observations can be in “real” time or in the success stories others tell us—but they must exist. This is not a technique that serves as a subtle means of imparting values when they are not there even though such action may be tempting. Moreover it is not intended as a technique for influencing behavior change although this is also a tempting alternative. When used inappropriately genuineness disappears and the words sound hollow and mechanical. When used with appropriate timing and sincerity directed reflections usually catch just a little piece of the person’s core beliefs. It is at that core where character and social interest reside. The directed reflections go beyond merely encouraging another person. As Messer 2001 explains we are helping the individual discover the he/she is a worthwhile human being in spite of his/her faults and imperfections. 986

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Source: Al Milliren and Linda Maier Messer M. 2001. Managing anger. Chicago IL: Anger Institute. Messer m. 1995. The Components of Our Character. Chicago IL: Anger Institute. Milliren A. P. Evans T. D. Newbauer J. F. 2003. Adlerian counseling and psychotherapy. In D. Capuzzi D. R. Gross Eds. Counseling and psychotherapy: Theories and interventions. Upper Saddle River NJ: Merrill – Prentice Hall. Terner J. Pew W. L. 1978. The courage to be imperfect: The lifeand work of Rudolf Dreikurs. New York: Hawthorn Books Relaxation and scripts for self-help personal change and fulfilment I am I deserve to be - I want to be - I can be - I will be - I am If you want to change your life you need to change how you think and change what you do. Self-help personal change being happy: its up to you. No-one else. You decide. This is the first step. Self-help starts with you. Self- help and personal change starts with your realisation that it really is in your own hands and your decision to do something about it. Your own self-belief is the key to successful life-change achievement contentment and happiness. Your own mind particularly positive suggestion and visualisation will develop your self-belief and your determination to make successful change to your life. 987

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This page will help you begin to change the way you think feel and act. Visit it any time you want to boost your self-belief to relax and to regain control of your life and direction. Print this page and put it above your mirror above your bed above your desk anywhere youll see it every day. Make time - actually schedule some time in your planner or diary to do this. It will dramatically improve your mood attitude and approach to life and therefore what you get from life. Positive suggestion and visualisation combined with deep relaxation is an easy way to make powerful positive personal change. Just going through this relaxation exercise alone will help to change and improve the way you feel. If you combine the relaxation techniques with a repeated script of positive statements such as the I am script below you will begin change the way you think and feel and act and all that life offers as a result. The more you use the relaxation exercise and say or hear the script then the greater and more sustainable will be the effect. The time it takes to change depends on different people. Stick with it and it will become easier more natural more enjoyable and it will work. Relaxation exercise 1. Sit or lie down comfortably. Properly comfortably. Straighten your back put your shoulders back to open your rib-cage. 2. Relax your shoulder muscles particularly. Relax your whole body and empty your mind. 3. Close your eyes obviously open them when you need to read the next stage. 988

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4. Take ten deep slow breaths. Breathe from the pit of your stomach and feel your lungs filling. 5. Focus on your breathing. Feel it getting deeper and slower. Feel yourself relaxing and any tension drifting away. 6. Relax your shoulders and neck again. 7. Visualise yourself being happy succeeding winning being loved laughing feeling good. 8. Relax your forehead your mouth and your eyes. 9. Allow a gentle smile to appear on your face as you feel a calmness enter your mind. 10. Then say out load ideally the words below a script for personal change to yourself: I am I am good person. I have integrity. I do what is ethically right and good. Whatever life puts before me will be useful experience that will make me stronger wiser and more tolerant. I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other peoples weaknesses and their behaviour towards me. Other peoples behaviour is about them not me. I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can. I am what I eat and drink so I eat and drink good things. I am what I watch and play and listen so I watch and play and listen to good positive things. I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I dont need to drive or take the bus or train. 989

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I smile and laugh whenever I can - life is good - getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it. I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person just like me. I am a compassionate and loving caring person. I am a good person. I am. Using and changing scripts - what the i am words mean The I am element alone is a powerful one because it embodies the sense of self-determination which nobody and nothing can ever take away from you and it emphasises the value of simply being. We each exist as a person of value and worth in our own right irrespective of possessions and achievements. Accepting and reinforcing this concept is good for each of us. This at its simplest level is what I am means. "There is wisdom in accepting what you are. It is difficult to be what you are not. Being what you are doesnt require any effort. When you become wise you accept yourself the way you are and the complete acceptance of yourself becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else." From The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz with thanks to Allspirit.co.uk You can use the relaxation exercise combined with a script to change many aspects of your life and feelings. You do this by adding removing or replacing statements in the script. Keep the statements positive and in the present tense. 990

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For example if you want to be more confident use a statement such as I am a confident person rather than I will be a more confident person or I will try to be a more confident person. If you want to stop smoking use a statement such as I am a non- smoker because I value my life and body rather than I will try to give up smoking. If you do not want to give up smoking merely to cut down adjust the script accordingly for example: I smoke only five/ten/fifteen cigarettes a day because this is improving my health and my life better than smoking twenty or thirty day. If you keep telling your sub-conscious that you are then in time you will be. Use script statements that describe yourself as you want to be. Repeating positive scripts combined with deep relaxation will change your behaviour from deep within. Making tapes or script recordings You can increase the ease of using scripts if you make a tape or CD recording of yourself reading your script. You can then use the recording any time you want. Using a recording also means you can relax completely while listening to the words with no need to open your eyes to read. You can also listen to your recorded script at bed-time before you go to sleep every night which is also an effective way to reach and change your sub-conscious feelings. Be assured... Most people judge themselves against entirely artificial criteria. Material success is not what life is about. You can change your frame of reference. You do not have to accept a frame of reference that others have given you. 991

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Many of the most materially successful people are deeply unhappy yet they strive and search unsuccessfully even harder for more material success. Most ordinary good honest being people are fooled into believing that what they have is not worth anything. Dont be fooled. The answer to happiness and fulfilment is usually found in achieving a simple acceptance of and joy of living a good life. Enjoy being and living a good life. Next time you get caught in the rain or bump the car or get a headache - enjoy being alive to feel it and experience it. With acknowledgements to Carole Byrd and Buddha Maitreya. Source: http://www.businessballs.com/selfbelief.htm 992

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IF - by Rudyard Kipling 1865 – 1936 If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too If you can wait and not be tired by waiting Or being lied about dont deal in lies Or being hated dont give way to hating And yet dont look too good nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same If you can bear to hear the truth youve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools Or watch the things you gave your life to broken And stoop and build em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss And lose and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you If all men count with you but none too much If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run Yours is the Earth and everything thats in it And - which is more - youll be a Man my son 993

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4.7 RESOLVING CONFLICT Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann PUBLISHED BY CONSULTING PSYCHOLOGISTS PRESS INC. Copyright 1974 2001 by Xicom Incorporated. Xicom Incorporated is a subsidiary of Consulting Psychologists Press Inc. All rights reserved. The Five Conflict-Handling Modes The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument TKI is designed to assess an individual’s behavior in conflict situations - that is situations in which the concerns of two people appear to be incompatible. In such situations we can describe a person’s behavior along two basic dimensions: 1 assertiveness the extent to which the individual attempts to satisfy his or her own concerns and 2 cooperativeness the extent to which the individual attempts to satisfy the other person’s concerns. These two basic dimensions of behavior can be used to define five specific methods of dealing with conflicts. These five "conflict- handling modes" are shown below. 994

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1. Competing is assertive and uncooperative a power-oriented mode. When competing an individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other person’s expense using whatever power seems appropriate to win his or her position. Competing might mean standing up for your rights defending a position you believe is correct or simply trying to win. 2. Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative - the opposite of competing. When accommodating an individual neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity obeying another person’s order when you would prefer not to or yielding to another’s point of view. 3. Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative. When avoiding an individual does not immediately pursue either his or her own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does not address the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue postponing an issue until a better time or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation. 4. Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative - the opposite of avoiding. When collaborating an individual attempts to work with the other person to find a solution that fully satisfies the concerns of both. It involves digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of concerns. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s insights with the goal of resolving some condition that would otherwise have them competing for resources or confronting and trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem. 995

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5. Compromising is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. When compromising the objective is to find an expedient mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. Compromising falls on a middle ground between competing and accommodating giving up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding but doesn’t explore it in as much depth as collaborating. Compromising might mean splitting the difference exchanging concessions or seeking a quick middle-ground position. "What is the correct handling mode" In the case of conflict-handling behavior there are no right or wrong handling modes. All five modes are useful in some situations: each represents a set of useful social skills. Our conventional wisdom recognizes for example that often "Two heads are better than one" Collaborating. But it also says "Kill your enemies with kindness" Accommodating "Split the difference" Compromising "Leave well enough alone" Avoiding and "Might makes right" Competing. The effectiveness of a given conflict-handling mode depends upon the requirements of the specific conflict situation and the skill with which you use that mode. You are capable of using all five conflict-handling modes: you cannot be characterized as having a single rigid style of dealing with conflict. However it may be possible that you use some modes more readily than others and therefore tend to rely upon those modes more heavily. The conflict behaviors you use are the result of both your personal predispositions and the requirements of the situations in which you find yourself. Also your social skills may lead you to rely upon some conflict behaviors more or less than others. 996

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Competing Uses • When quick decisive action is vital - for example in an emergency • On important issues where unpopular courses of action need implementing - for example cost cutting enforcing unpopular rules discipline • On issues vital to company welfare when you know youre right • To protect yourself against people who take advantage of noncompetitive behavior Questions to Ask In some situations you may wish to ask yourself: • Do you sometimes feel powerless in situations You may be unaware of the power you do have unskilled in its use or uncomfortable with the idea of using it. This may hinder your effectiveness by restricting your influence. • Do you sometimes have trouble taking a firm stand even when you see the need Sometimes concerns for others feelings or anxieties about the use of power causes us to vacillate which may mean postponing the decision and adding to the suffering and/or resentment of others. Accommodating Uses • When you realize that you are wrong - to allow a better solution to be considered to learn from others and to show that you are reasonable • When the issue is much more important to the other person than to yourself - to satisfy the needs of others and as a goodwill gesture to help maintain a cooperative relationship 997

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• To build up social credits for later issues that are important to you • When continued competition would only damage your cause - when you are outmatched and losing • When preserving harmony and avoiding disruption are especially important • To aid in the development of your employees by allowing them to experiment and learn from their own mistakes Questions to Ask You may wish to ask yourself: • Do you feel that your ideas and concerns sometimes do not get the attention they deserve Deferring too much to the concerns of others can deprive you of influence respect and recognition. It can also deprive the organization of your potential contributions. • Is discipline lax Although discipline for its own sake may be of little value there are often rules procedures and assignments whose implementation is crucial for you or the organization. Avoiding Uses • When an issue is trivial or of only passing importance or when other more important issues are pressing • When you perceive no chance of satisfying your concerns - for example when you have low power or you are frustrated by something that would be very difficult to change national policies someones personality structure and so on • When the potential costs of confronting a conflict outweigh the benefits of its resolution • To let people cool down - to reduce tensions to a productive level and to regain perspective and composure 998

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• When gathering more information outweighs the advantages of an immediate decision • When others can resolve the conflict more effectively • When the issue seems tangential or symptomatic of another more basic issue Questions to Ask You may wish to ask yourself: • Do you sometimes find yourself hurting others feelings or stirring up hostilities You may need to exercise more discretion and tact in framing issues in non-threatening ways. • Do you sometimes feel harried or overwhelmed by a number of issues You may need to devote more time to setting priorities- that is deciding which issues are relatively unimportant and perhaps delegating them to others. Collaborating Uses • To find an integrative solution when the concerns of both parties are too important to be compromised • When your objective is to learn - for example testing your own assumptions understanding the views of others • To merge insights from people with different perspectives on a problem • To gain commitment by incorporating others concerns into a consensual decision • To work through hard feelings that have been interfering with an interpersonal relationship Questions to Ask You may wish to ask yourself: 999

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• Is it difficult for you to see differences as opportunities for joint gain - that is as opportunities to learn or solve problems Although conflict situations often involve threatening or unproductive aspects approaching all such situations with pessimism can prevent you from seeing collaborative possibilities and thus deprive you of the mutual gains and satisfactions that accompany successful collaboration. • Are your employees uncommitted to your decisions or policies Perhaps their concerns are not being incorporated into those decisions or policies. Compromising Uses • When goals are moderately important but not worth the effort or the potential disruption involved in using more assertive modes • When two opponents with equal power are strongly committed to mutually exclusive goals - as in labor-management bargaining • To achieve temporary settlement of complex issues • To arrive at an expedient solution under time pressure • As a backup mode when collaboration or competition fails Questions to Ask You may wish to ask yourself: • Do you find yourself too sensitive or embarrassed to be effective in some bargaining situations • Do you sometimes find it difficult to make concessions Without this safety valve you may have trouble gracefully getting out of mutually destructive arguments power struggles and so on. Of the five modes described in the matrix only the strategy employing collaboration as a mode of conflict management breaks free of the win-lose paradigm. It has become almost habitual to fall back on the win-win alternative but this was not the authors 1000

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original intention. They did not reject win-lose configurations out of hand. Instead strategic considerations for managing conflict according to varied circumstances were identified. For instance in a conflict centered on bids by two alternative suppliers the best choice might well be a competing strategy with a winner and loser. After all the objective in such a situation is to win the contract for ones own company. In most cases winning the contract can be accomplished only at the expense of the competing supplier who by definition becomes the loser. In contrast a competing approach almost never works well in the interpersonal conflict of people working in the same office. Unlike the case of competing suppliers coworkers—both the winner and the loser—must go on working together. Indeed in many conflicts revolving around office politics an accommodating strategy may actually enable individuals to strengthen their future negotiating position through allowing themselves to lose in conflicts over issues they do not feel particularly strongly about. In such situations accommodating can be seen as a form of winning through losing. Source: http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/management/Comp- De/Conflict-Management-and-Negotiation.html 1001

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THE FIVE AS TECHNIQUE Borisoff and Victor identify five steps in the conflict management process that they call the "five As" of conflict management: assessment acknowledgement attitude action and analysis. They assert that these five steps allow for a sustained ongoing process of problem-solving-oriented conflict management. ASSESSMENT. In the assessment step the parties involved collect appropriate information regarding the problem. The parties involved also choose which of the conflict-handling modes is most appropriate for the situation. The parties collectively decide what is and what is not central to the problem. The parties involved also indicate areas in which they may be willing to compromise and what each party actually wants. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. The acknowledgement step is one in which each party attempts to hear out the other. Acknowledgement allows both parties to build the empathy needed for the motivation of a synergistic solution to the problem. The acknowledgement acts as feedback to the other party and it demonstrates that one understands without necessarily agreeing with the other partys position. Acknowledgement goes beyond merely responding to what is said however it involves actively encouraging the other party to openly communicate its concerns. This is aided by the use of active listening techniques and overt nonverbal encouragement. ATTITUDE. The attitude step tries to remove the foundation for pseudo- conflict. Stereotypical assumptions about different culturally- based behaviors are uncovered. For example a member of a high-context culture may misinterpret what a member of a low- context culture says as being needlessly blunt or even rude. 1002

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Conversely a member of a low-context culture may misinterpret what a person from a high-context culture says as being needlessly indirect or even outright deceptive. Such communication variations as the works of Edward Hall have explained have little to do with the actual intent or content of the messages but represent instead culturally learned approaches to using implicit versus explicit communication styles. Similarly in the attitude step one acknowledges differences in the way that men and women are generally conditioned to communicate. Experts such as Borisoff and Merrill for example have delineated clearly differentiated communication styles between men and women which are compounded by sex-trait stereotyping regarding issues of assertiveness interruptive behavior and perceptions of politeness. Finally in the attitude step one analyzes potentially problematic variations in styles of writing speaking and nonverbal mannerisms. Such differences may blur meanings. It is the role of the effective conflict participant to maintain an open mind toward all parties involved. ACTION. The action step begins to actively implement the chosen conflict- handling mode. If the selected mode is the problem-solving approach the manager conveys the opportunity for a conflict resolution based on trust and ongoing feedback on those points on which the parties have already agreed. Simultaneously each individual evaluates the behavior of the other parties often little more than subtle hints to ascertain where potential trouble spots might arise. Also each individual must remain aware of his or her own communication style and general behavior. Finally all parties must stay alert to new issues that are raised and look for productive solutions. 1003

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ANALYSIS. In this last step participants decide on what they will do and then summarize and review what they have agreed upon. Part of the analysis step is to ascertain whether every participants requirements have been addressed and met if possible. Finally the analysis step initiates the impetus for approaching conflict management as an ongoing process. Analysis enables participants to monitor both the short-term and long-term results of the conflict resolution. QUANTUM SKILLS Shelton and Darling suggest a new set of management skills more appropriate for the ever-changing conflict-ridden contemporary organization. They refer to these skills as the quantum skills. The suggested managerial skills are derived from the field of quantum physics. They are as follows: 1. Quantum seeing. This skill is defined as the ability to see intentionally. When conflict occurs managers must explore their own assumptions about the parties and search for the underlying intentions that are creating the conflict. Each party must then come to recognize the relationship between individual thought processes and perceptions and set clear intentions for positively resolving the situation. 2. Quantum thinking. This skill involves the ability to think paradoxically. Effective conflict resolution is a paradoxical process. "Win-win solutions require paradoxical thinking. They require the ability to find a fully acceptable solution to divergent points of view" Shelton and Darling 2004 p. 30. In other words collaborative solutions to conflicts that involve diametrically- opposed positions are unlikely to be achieved through linear problem-solving processes and thus require more unorthodox thinking. 1004

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3. Quantum feeling. This skill is defined as the ability to feel vitally alive. It is based on the premise that the level of organizational conflict is influenced by the negative emotions pervasive throughout the business world. As schedules have become more fast-paced and jobs have become more stressful the level of organizational conflict has increased. Managers committed to the quantum feeling technique of conflict management must train themselves to view even negative events positively. They must challenge all parties in conflict to utilize creative brain-storming techniques in an effort to construct "impossible" win-win solutions. 4. Quantum knowing. This skill is the ability to know intuitively. Managers wishing to develop this skill must integrate times of relaxation and reflection into their work routines. This skill focuses on staying mindful or aware of the organizational environment. Managers involved in conflict situations must guide all parties towards a more centered response to the negative emotions. 5. Quantum acting. This skill is based on the ability to act responsibly. Quantum acting is predicated on the belief that everything in the universe is a part of a complex whole in which each part is influenced by every other part. Therefore a managers thoughts affect the entire organizational unit. Thus if managers want to encourage more creative responses to conflict they must begin by modeling this behavior themselves. 6. Quantum trusting. This skill is the ability to trust lifes process. It is derived from chaos theory. This theory suggests that without chaos organizations will become stagnant and if left alone they will return to a nonchaotic state. This skill may be appealing to managers experiencing conflict. It suggests that managers must simply "ride the rapids of conflict fully participating in the dance without attempting to actively manage the course of resolution" 1005

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Shelton and Darling 2004 p. 37. The organizational unit will eventually self-organize. 7. Quantum being. This skill is the ability to be in a relationship specifically "the ability to literally become so connected to another that one can see the world through the others eyes" Shelton and Darling 2004 p.38. This skill provides the foundation for all parties to learn from and understand each other. It is a relationship of continuous learning. This set of skills is grounded in a new science: worldview. These skills provide a whole-brained alternative for managing people and conflict. Conflict management is an ongoing procedure. It entails continual communication and supervision. "Conflict-handling behavior is not a static procedure rather it is a process that requires flexibility and constant evaluation to truly be productive and effective" Borisoff and Victor 1998. Source: David A. Victor - Revised by Patricia A. Lanier http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/management/Comp- De/Conflict-Management-and-Negotiation.html 1006

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4.8 RECOGNIZING DYSFUNCTIONAL PERSONALITY TYPES Signs that Indicate You are Dealing with Dysfunctional People After spending time with them you feel “fogged” -- like you aren’t thinking clearly. You thought you were thinking correctly about a situation but after being with them you now feel your approach to life is being questioned. You feel blamed for another person’s situation. You feel responsible to “fix” a situation that is a result of another person’s repetitive choices. You feel if you were a “good person” you maybe should help them out. You are concerned about how innocent people e.g. children will suffer from the poor choices made by another person. Other people are mad at you because you won’t “help them out” just this once. You are being blamed for being unreasonable and insensitive to their situation. You have been in this situation before or one very similar to it with this person. Probably previously you “helped them out” and they are in the same predicament again. You are concerned that if you don’t rescue them from their current situation the consequences are so significant that it may ruin their life in the future. 1007

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You feel pressured to make an immediate decision to “help out” even though the problem has been developing for quite a while. You feel “smothered” the other person wants to get too close too soon or they cut off the relationship totally for seemingly little slights. How to Deal with Dysfunctional People Understand that you will feel blamed or responsible for whatever the problem is. Accept that you cannot change the other person their thoughts viewpoint ways of behaving or their choices. Set boundaries: what you are and are not willing to do. Talk with and get support from others whom you believe are functional. Do not accept false guilt from the dysfunctional person. The whole problem is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to fix the problem. When necessary minimize ongoing contact and interaction with the dysfunctional party. Realize that the current “crisis” is probably not a crisis and they can live through it. Remember that if you “help them out” this time you will be expected to help them out again. © 2011 Paul E. White Ph.D. http://www.birminghamepc.org/Birmingham- AL/Library/Dysfunctional20people20.pdf Estate Planning Council of Birmingham Inc. 1008

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Key Differences between Functional Dysfunctional Individuals Functional Dysfunctional Honesty Integrity Deceit Not telling the whole story Direct Communication Indirect Communication talking “through” others Responsibility Privileges Sense of Entitlement Accept responsibility Blame others Make excuses For choices results Delay gratification Have to meet desires now Live in reality Escape from reality TV movies on day to day basis videogames drugs alcohol sleep Save do without Spend go into debt Learn from mistakes Expect to be rescued from choices Forgive Hold on to grudges Revenge let go of past hurts Keep commitments Make verbal commitments with no follow-through Say what they mean Hidden agendas Being “real” Focus on image appearance Can disagree without Disagreement leads to anger Gettinh “personal” personal attacks hatred Appropriate personal “Smother” others try to be too close boundaries too soon They let you be “you”. Use guilt to manipulate. 1009

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How to Deal With a Neurotic Person By Bridgett Michele Lawrence eHow Contributor Understanding neurosis is essential to dealing with a neurotic individual. Most people are accused of displaying neurotic behavior at one time or another. But some people exhibit neurotic disorders that impact normal everyday life. "Neurotic disorder" is a term used to describe a wide range of circumstances that cause a person to have an inability to adapt to a certain situation or environment. People with neurotic disorders exhibit symptoms such as anxiety depression extreme phobias and insecurity. Understanding these neurotic disorders is key to learning how to deal with a neurotic person. 1010

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How to Deal With a Neurotic Person 1. Be tolerant and patient. Remember that the neurotic behavior is most likely a coping mechanism that the person uses to deal with a much larger issue. Being impatient with a neurotic person will only cause strife and make the situation worse. 2. Dont be overly critical. In many cases a neurotic person knows when she is being neurotic but is unable to change her behavior. Many neurotic people are extremely self-critical already so you dont need to be. 3. Give him space. If you find yourself in an argument with a neurotic person it is futile to argue with him in the heat of the moment. In many cases the argument stems from a larger issue about which you may know nothing. Wait until he has calmed down before approaching him about the situation. Discuss the issue in a calm tone using language that is not offensive. For example avoid calling him names or pointing out his personal flaws that lead to the conflict. Instead seek to find a compromise that will satisfy both parties. 4. Encourage her to seek help. Many people with neurotic personalities dont seek help because of embarrassment pride fear or the belief that no one will understand or be able to help. This could not be further from the truth. Help exists for those who seek it. Psychotherapy is the form of treatment used to help people overcome neurosis. Therapists encourage patients to discuss the situation that brings on neurotic behavior. With therapy she can find the source of her problem and develop strategies to help her cope. 1011

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4.9 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People Most people with personality disorders have what is sometimes referred to as "disorders of the self" because they often don’t believe that there is anything wrong with them. They think “This is me” or “This is the way I have always been” and self- preservation makes them want to stay that way. Personality disordered people are the ones who usually come to mind when we think of the term “toxic person.” Here are some insights and steps for dealing with these highly difficult - even impossible - people Steps 1. Recognize that impossible people exist there isnt a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: if you think you might be dealing with an impossible person youre probably right. When in doubt proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own. 2. Do not call them out because it will frustrate them. They could become more difficult but just stand your ground and be confident. 3. Be aware that some people simply arent compatible. Sometimes a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray but some people simply mix as well as oil and water. It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim that "Everyone else likes me." This is an attempt to shift the blame to you so dont buy it. It doesnt matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is the way the two of you 1012

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interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts. 4. Understand that its not you its them. This can be surprisingly difficult considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. Chances are the more often they blame you the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do and they do it well. Instead you are only facing the facts for your own sake. That being said heres a simple way to tell: if you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself its probably not you. Remember impossible people "can do no wrong." 5. Defuse them. Stay calm dont spit angry words at them and whatever you do dont cry - this will only stimulate them to do more of the difficult behavior. Try ignoring them. Do not under any circumstances join them in bashing blaming or complaining. Do not bad talk to their face or to anyone else because then you are sinking down to their level. Add something positive. Redirect by focusing on something anything positive in the situation or in the conversation. Whatever you do just stay calm 6. It can help to realize that the side of a conversation that contains the most truth will always win out and its best to "name the game" that an impossible person is playing usually by asking them or the group a question that starts "Why..." rephrasing their "impossible" position to illuminate the consequences. You will move the conversation to a higher level and the group or even just the impossible individual in a one-on-one will respond to this "higher truth" although the individual will usually respond by more obfuscating. 1013

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Avoid one-on-ones with this type of person actively in other words when you see them coming to corner you suggest and then demand that at least a third party be brought in. This will often thwart the impossible persons plans and a typical response from them will be to unilaterally decide that "we dont need anyone else." You are perfectly free to claim your need for a third party to help your understanding and insist upon it. Bullies never stand up to a crowd. 7. Realize that you cannot deal with impossible people the same way you deal with everyone else. In some ways they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen at least with you. Remember what happened the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with this person. Chances are every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall. 8. Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self- image. Remind yourself that this persons opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact dismiss them. You cant possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade. 9. Guard against anger. If it helps consider the fact that your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless 1014

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laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today which you didnt even mean in the first place. Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold. 10. Give up self-defense. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people theyre called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds you are the source of all wrongdoing and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence because you are already guilty no matter what. 11. Understand that eventually you and the impossible person will have to part ways. Whether they are a friend a family member a parent even a spouse the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is literally impossible. If you cant or wont make a physical departure immediately make a mental one. In your mind youve already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact. 12. Avoid letting the impossible person make you into a "clone" of them. If you arent careful you could find yourself adopting much of the offenders own behavior even if you arent voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible persons actions and nothing you do can change any part of their past. 13. Be a manager. Until it is over your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager your best resources are silence it really is golden in some cases such as this humoring the other and abandoning all hope of "fixing" the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They cant 1015

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and even if they could they wouldnt. You cant convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They dont recognize or if they did wouldnt try to improve their flaws for a very logical reason they dont have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. Its far easier said than done and you will slip from time to time but as time goes on youll become a better manager. 14. Realize that impossible people engage in projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much or all of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible persons flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember in their minds you are at fault for everything They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this and if you make the mistake of encouraging them they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them. 15. Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance patience humility and even some kindness as difficult as that may be. We are all influenced by the people in our environment--they dont have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you dont receive respect thats -sadly- their problem. Give understanding and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might get through to them. They may not change in everything but you can safely expect a change. 16. Dont try to fight back and spit anger back to them. 1016

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Photo: Stock Photo Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person Or the last time someone said something with the intention of hurting you How did you handle it What was the result What can you do in the future to get through these situations with peace and grace No matter where we go we will face people who are negative people who oppose our ideas people who piss us off or people who simply do not like us. There are 6.4 billion people out there and conflict is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct react and attack back to defend ourselves. In these instinctual moments we may lose track of our higher selves and become the human animal with an urge to protect ourselves when attacked. This too is natural. However we are the only animal blessed with intelligence and having the ability to control our responses. So how can we do that I regularly get asked “How do you deal with the negative comments about your articles They are brutal. I don’t think I could handle them.” My answer is simple “I don’t let it bother me to begin with.” It wasn’t always this simple and took me some time before overcoming this natural urgency to protect myself and attack back. 1017

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I know it’s not easy if it was easy there wouldn’t be difficult or negative people to begin with. Why Bother Controlling Our Responses 1. Hurting Ourselves One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves. 2. It’s Not About You It’s About Them I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal so why do we take it personally In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them. 3. Battle of the Ego When we respond impulsively it is a natural and honest response. However is it the smart thing to do What can be resolved by doing so The answer: Nothing. It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict. Have you noticed that when we fight back it feels really satisfying in our heads But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul Our stomach becomes tight and we start having violent thoughts When we do respond irrationally it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right 1018

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4. Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity. Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive response from that person. If we do respond impulsively we’ll have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we’ll feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward. Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become the angrier we become It’s a negative downward spiral. 5. Waste of Energy Where attention goes energy flows. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time energy spent on negativity is energy that could have been spent on our personal wellbeing. 6. Negativity Spreads I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone we don’t feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives unnecessarily. 7. Freedom of Speech People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react it becomes me- versus-you who is right Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be offensive but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and 1019

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we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict. 15 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People While I’ve had a lot of practice dealing with negativity it is something I find myself having to actively work on. When I’m caught off guard and end up resorting to a defensive position the result rarely turns out well. The point is we are humans after all and we have emotions and egos. However by keeping our egos in-check and inserting emotional intelligence we’ll not only be doing a favor for our health and mental space but we’ll also have intercepted a situation that would have gone bad unnecessarily. Photo by Kara Pecknold Here are some tips for dealing with a difficult person or negative message: 1. Forgive What would the Dali Lama do if he was in the situation He would most likely forgive. Remember that at our very core we are good but our judgment becomes clouded and we may say hurtful things. Ask yourself “What is it about this situation or person that I can seek to understand and forgive“ 1020

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2. Wait it Out Sometimes I feel compelled to instantly send an email defending myself. I’ve learned that emotionally charged emails never get us the result we want they only add oil to the fire. What is helpful is inserting time to allow ourselves to cool off. You can write the emotionally charged email to the person just don’t send it off. Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding if you choose to respond at all. 3. “Does it really matter if I am right“ Sometimes we respond with the intention of defending the side we took a position on. If you find yourself arguing for the sake of being right ask “Does it matter if I am right” If yes then ask “Why do I need to be right What will I gain“ 4. Don’t Respond Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react we are actually giving them what they want. Let’s stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for don’t bother responding. 5. Stop Talking About It When you have a problem or a conflict in your life don’t you find that people just love talking about it We end up repeating the story to anyone who’ll listen. We express how much we hate the situation or person. What we fail to recognize in these moments is that the more we talk about something the more of that thing we’ll notice. Example the more we talk about how much we dislike a person the more hate we will feel towards them and the more we’ll notice things about them that we dislike. Stop giving it energy stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. Do your best to not repeat the story to others. 1021

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6. Be In Their Shoes As cliché as this may sound we tend to forget that we become blind-sided in the situation. Try putting yourself in their position and consider how you may have hurt their feelings. This understanding will give you a new perspective on becoming rational again and may help you develop compassion for the other person. 7. Look for the Lessons No situation is ever lost if we can take away from it some lessons that will help us grow and become a better person. Regardless of how negative a scenario may appear there is always a hidden gift in the form of a lesson. Find the lessons. 8. Choose to Eliminate Negative People In Your Life Negative people can be a source of energy drain. And deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down emotionally so that they are not down there alone. Be aware of this. Unless you have a lot of time on your hands and do not mind the energy drain I recommend that you cut them off from your life. Cut them out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire: optimistic positive peaceful and encouraging people. As Kathy Sierra said “Be around the change you want to see in the world.” 9. Become the Observer When we practice becoming the observer of our feelings our thoughts and the situation we separate ourselves away from the emotions. Instead of identifying with the emotions and letting them consume us we observe them with clarity and detachment. When you find yourself identifying with emotions and thoughts bring your focus on your breathe. 1022

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10. Go for a Run … or a swim or some other workout. Physical exercise can help to release the negative and excess energy in us. Use exercise as a tool to clear your mind and release built up negative energy. 11. Worst Case Scenario Ask yourself two questions 1. “If I do not respond what is the worst thing that can result from it“ 2. “If I do respond what is the worst thing that can result from it“ Answering these questions often adds perspectives to the situation and you’ll realize that nothing good will come out of reacting. Your energy will be wasted and your inner space disturbed. 12. Avoid Heated Discussions When we’re emotionally charged we are so much in our heads that we argue out of an impulse to be right to defend ourselves for the sake of our egos. Rationality and resolution can rarely arise out of these discussions. If a discussion is necessary wait until everyone has cooled off before diving into one. 13. Most Important List out things in your life most important to you. Then ask yourself “Will a reaction to this person contribute to the things that matter most to me“ 14. Pour Honey This doesn’t always work but sometimes catches people off guard when they’re trying to “Pour Poison” on you. Compliment the other person for something they did well tell them you’ve 1023

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learned something new through interacting with them and maybe offer to become friends. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that you appreciate about this person. 15. Express It Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say. Now roll the paper up into a ball close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/dealing-with-difficult- people/ About the Author: Tina Su is a mom a wife a lover of Apple products and a CHO Chief Happiness Officer for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. 1024

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The following are tips for dealing with difficult people who are in your life for better or for worse: 1. Keep Conversations Neutral Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues like religion and politics or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument change the subject or leave the room. 2. Accept The Reality of Who They Are In dealing with difficult people don’t try to change the other person you will only get into a power struggle cause defensiveness invite criticism or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with. 3. Know Whats Under Your Control Change your response to the other person this is all you have the power to change. For example don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way. 4. Create Healthier Patterns Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Chances are good that youre repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over changing your response could get you out of this rut and responding in a healthy way can improve your chances of a healthier pattern forming. Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them Also here are some healthy communication skills to remember. 5. See The Best In People Try to look for the positive aspects of others especially when dealing with family and focus on them. Developing your optimism and reframin skills can 1025

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help here The other person will feel more appreciated and you will likely enjoy your time together more. 6. Remember Who Youre Dealing With Seeing the best in someone is important however don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip rely on a flake or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are. 7. Get Support Where You Can Find It Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend whos a good listener or process your feelings through journaling for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive or find a good therapist if you need one. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict. 8. Let Go Or Get Space If You Need It Know when it’s time to distance yourself and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive its best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship and let it go. If the offending party is a boss or co-worker you may consider switching jobs. Tips: 1. Try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for the negative interactions. It may just be a case of your two personalities fitting poorly. 2. Remember that you dont have to be close with everyone just being polite goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people. 1026

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3. Work to maintain a sense of humor -- difficulties will roll off your back much more easily. Shows like "Modern Family and books like David Sedaris Naked can help you see the humor in dealing with difficult people. 4. Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people. Elizabeth Scott M.S. Stress Management Guide 1027

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Dealing with Difficult People November 20th 2004 by Steve Pavlina http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with- difficult-people/ How do you deal with difficult irrational or abusive people especially those in positions of authority who have some degree of control over your life I’ve never met a totally rational human being. Our ability to store and process information is far too imperfect for that. But our emotions are a shortcut. The book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman describes people diagnosed with alexathemia the condition whereby people either don’t feel emotions or are completely out of touch with their emotions. You’d think such people would be hyper-rational but they aren’t. They can’t even function in society. They have no emotional context for deciding what’s important to them so earning a dime is just as important as earning a million dollars. They’ll spend hours on tasks others would consider trivialities like deciding what time to schedule a dentist appointment. Our emotions are a logical shortcut — we “feel” the difference between the relevant and the irrelevant. On to dealing with difficult or irrational people… I certainly haven’t been sheltered from such people even though I’ve only been an “employee” for a total of six months of my life when I was in college. They’re everywhere I’ve still had to deal with irrational/abusive people in business deals landlords etc. But such people rarely get to me because of how I deal with them on two levels: 1 There was a story about the Buddha where a verbally abusive man came to see him and starting hurling insults. But the Buddha just sat there calmly. Finally the man asked the Buddha why he failed to respond to the insults and abuse. The Buddha 1028

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replied “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it to whom does the gift belong” If someone is irrational abusive etc. you can mentally decline to accept “the gift.” Let that person keep their anger and insanity and don’t let it affect you. This takes practice but there are many mental imagery techniques that can help. I usually visualize the anger as a red energy that bounces off me or passes through me and simply returns to the source. This is a message to my subconscious mind to acknowledge that the anger belongs completely to the other person. So this part tackles the other person’s effect on my emotional state. And it works very well. I never lose my cool unless I’m doing it on purpose for some specific reason. Sometimes it’s better to respond to an angry person with some shouting of your own and then slowly bring them back down. I also mentally acknowledge that it’s probably a lack of love and happiness in their life that causes them to behave as they do. 2 Now that you’ve gotten your emotions handled you still have to deal with the practicalities of this person and their effect on your life. Sometimes it’s enough to just manage your emotions but other times that isn’t enough — you need to take action to address the situation. In this case I use my logic and intelligence to decide what to do depending on the specifics of the situation. It’s like playing a game of chess — if I do this then how will this person react Even with irrational and hurtful people their behavior is often predictable to some degree if you know a little about them. Human behavior is purposeful but it can be hard to figure out the other person’s intentions. Use what you do know to anticipate their responses to various possible actions you might take. Your information may be imperfect but do the best you can. Think of it as an exercise in risk management. Here are some possible actions:  Remove the person from your life. This is a bit extreme but sometimes it’s the best option. If your landlord is really bad consider moving. If your boss or coworkers are terrible leave. 1029

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Many years ago I once told a friend I could no longer continue to have him in my life because he was deeply into software piracy and I just didn’t want that kind of influence in my life.  Confront the person about his/her behavior directly. Raise your standards for what you’re willing to accept in your life and enforce them. This strategy is my personal favorite but some people aren’t comfortable with it. The advantage of this approach is that you stop playing games and you find out exactly where you stand with the other person. This is what I’d use if I had a difficult boss or coworker — I’d just lay everything out on the table with that person explain why certain things were no longer tolerable for me and detail what I wanted to see happen. Now the other person may decline your “demands” but then at least you know where you stand and can decide based on that. Paint a line and if the other person crosses it you now know the abuse is willful.  Use behavioral conditioning on the other person. I know of a team that did this with their verbally abusive boss. They conditioned their boss to be encouraging and supportive. Going to their boss and confronting him just didn’t work so they got together and worked out a behavioral conditioning strategy. They stopped rewarding his negative behavior and began rewarding his positive behavior. Whenever he was abusive he would either be ignored or his employees would say “Are you intending to manipulate me through verbal abuse” They would constantly point out to their boss when he was being abusive. But whenever he was the least bit encouraging like if he said “good work” or “thank you” they’d thank him for his kindness and encouragement. Within a few weeks this boss had completely turned around. I wrote a previous entry on behavioral conditioning techniques so there are other ways to gently change another person. But this assumes you have enough leverage on the person. 1030

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 Get leverage and use that leverage to force action. This can be risky but sometimes it’s the best option. You might need to see if you can get another person fired if they really are hurting productivity. In software companies it isn’t uncommon for a team to petition management to fire a weak member that’s holding them back. I use this a lot myself when dealing with difficult people in business in cases of willful misconduct. You contact everyone who does business with that person to let them know what’s happening. And if it’s a big enough deal throw in local govt reps and members of the press too. You might think of this as the whistleblower strategy.  Let it go. Sometimes this is the best option if someone injures you in some way. Just let it go and move on. There’s a deeper issue here too… Are the reasons you’re allowing this difficult person to remain in your life valid For example if you make money a higher priority than quality of life then how can you complain when you get the former but sacrifice the latter I think people often have a hard time making quality of life a high enough priority — we’re taught to just suck it up and tolerate it if we have a difficult boss and then die of a heart attack or stroke. The one time I was an employee I didn’t particularly like my boss he behaved like a jerk and didn’t seem too bright either. But I also figured that if I was a lifelong employee I might have other bosses like this too and it wouldn’t always be convenient to quit. So I decided not to be an employee. Then when I worked with retail game publishers I encountered dishonesty and incompetence and this was so common that I felt it would be hard to run that kind of business and not have to deal with such people so I decided not to work with those people either. When I switched to doing game development independently I loved the people and really enjoyed it so I stuck with that for years. I chose not to base my career around working with difficult people. And 1031

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now that I’m getting into speaking I’m having a great time at that too and I get along great with the people so I’m happy on this path too. It seems that different kinds of careers attract different kinds of people and some industries seem to attract more jerks than others. You don’t have to work in a slaughterhouse which reportedly has the highest turnover rate for any kind of job but you don’t have to work in a tech sweathouse either. You might think that dealing with a difficult boss is a “have to” but it isn’t. You can’t control everything but in most cases you have enough control over your life to avoid having to deal with such people. Just because everyone else around you tolerates an abusive boss doesn’t mean you have to. 1032

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4.10 LEARNING STYLES There are almost as many definitions as there do theorists in the area. For people working within an aducational setting wishing to utilise learning style to promote more effective learning or identifying learner preferences operationalising learning style is a necessary but highly problematic endeavour. The failure to identify and agree upon style charactristics is a major concern in the field as are the weaknesses in reliability and validity and the confusion surrounding the definitions and terminology. Simon Cassidy University of Salford UK 4.10.1 Kolbs learning styles David Kolb has defined one of the most commonly used models of learning. As in the diagram below it is based on two preference dimensions giving four different styles of learning. ACCOMODATORS Concrete Experience DIVERGERS Perception Active Experimentation - ---- Processing -- -- Reflective Observation V CONVERGERS Abstract conceptuali- zation ASSIMILATORS 1033

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Preference dimensions / Perception dimension In the vertical Perception dimension people will have a preference along the continuum between:  Concrete experience: Looking at things as they are without any change in raw detail.  Abstract conceptualization: Looking at things as concepts and ideas after a degree of processing that turns the raw detail into an internal model. People who prefer concrete experience will argue that thinking about something changes it and that direct empirical data is essential. Those who prefer abstraction will argue that meaning is created only after internal processing and that idealism is a more real approach. This spectrum is very similar to the Jungian scale of Sensing vs. Intuiting. Processing dimension In the horizontal Processing dimension people will take the results of their Perception and process it in preferred ways along the continuum between:  Active experimentation: Taking what they have concluded and trying it out to prove that it works.  Reflective observation: Taking what they have concluded and watching to see if it works. Four learning styles The experimenter like the concrete experiencer takes a hands- on route to see if their ideas will work whilst the reflective observers prefer to watch and think to work things out. 1034

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1. Divergers Concrete experiencer/Reflective observer Divergers take experiences and think deeply about them thus diverging from a single experience to multiple possibilities in terms of what this might mean. They like to ask why and will start from detail to constructively work up to the big picture. They enjoy participating and working with others but they like a calm ship and fret over conflicts. They are generally influenced by other people and like to receive constructive feedback. They like to learn via logical instruction or hands-one exploration with conversations that lead to discovery. 2. Convergers Abstract conceptualization/Active experimenter Convergers think about things and then try out their ideas to see if they work in practice. They like to ask how about a situation understanding how things work in practice. They like facts and will seek to make things efficient by making small and careful changes. They prefer to work by themselves thinking carefully and acting independently. They learn through interaction and computer-based learning is more effective with them than other methods. 3. Accomodators Concrete experiencer/Active experimenter Accommodators have the most hands-on approach with a strong preference for doing rather than thinking. They like to ask what if and why not to support their action-first approach. They do not like routine and will take creative risks to see what happens. They like to explore complexity by direct interaction and learn better by themselves than with other people. As might be 1035

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expected they like hands-on and practical learning rather than lectures. 4. Assimilators Abstract conceptualizer/Reflective observer Assimilators have the most cognitive approach preferring to think than to act. The ask What is there I can know and like organized and structured understanding. They prefer lectures for learning with demonstrations where possible and will respect the knowledge of experts. They will also learn through conversation that takes a logical and thoughtful approach. They often have a strong control need and prefer the clean and simple predictability of internal models to external messiness. The best way to teach an assimilator is with lectures that start from high-level concepts and work down to the detail. Give them reading material especially academic stuff and theyll gobble it down. Do not teach through play with them as they like to stay serious. So what So design learning for the people you are working with. If you cannot customize the design for specific people use varied styles of delivery to help everyone learn. It can also be useful to describe this model to people both to help them understand how they learn and also so they can appreciate that some of your delivery will for others more than them and vice versa. See also Kolb D.A. 1984. Experiential Learning. Englewood Cliffs NJ: Prentice-Hall 1036

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Kolbs Model of Learning Styles Kolb 1981 developed the Learning Style Inventory LSI to evaluate the way people learn and work with ideas in day-to-day life. He used the LSI to help people understand how they make career choices solve problems set goals manage others and deal with new situations. The instrument consists of twelve questions in which the subject selects one of four possible responses. The four columns in the instrument relate to the four stages Kolb identified as a cycle of learning: Concrete Experience CE Reflective Observation RO Abstract Conceptualization AC and Active Experimentation AE. He paired AE and RO as polar opposites doing vs. watching and CE and AC as polar opposites feeling vs. thinking. According to Kolb 1981 1. Concrete Experience CE emphasizes active involvement relating with other people and learning by experience. Learners in the CE phase of learning are open-minded and adaptable and are sensitive to the feelings of themselves and others. 2. Reflective Observation RO is the stage in which the learner watches and listens views issues from different points of view and discovers meaning in the learning material. 3. Abstract Conceptualization AC is the application of thought and logic as opposed to feelings to the learning situation. Planning developing theories and analysis are part of this stage. 4. The last stage is Active Experimentation AE and involves testing theories carrying out plans and influencing people and events through activity. Kolb believed that a complete cycle of learning involved each of these stages. Since people use all four stages in many learning situations Kolb 1981 used combined scores to determine which of four learning styles an individual preferred. He encouraged learners to become familiar with their own learning style including its 1037

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strengths and weaknesses as a means to getting more out of each learning experience. The combined scores are derived from the polar pairs AC minus CE and AE minus RO. The results are then plotted on a two axis grid and finding the point of interception in one of the four quadrants. Hashaway 1998 described Kolbs four learning styles. Divergers combine Reflective Observation RO and Concrete Experience CE they can see situations from many perspectives and chunk up to forma a "gestalt". They do well in idea- generating processes such as brain-storming they are imaginative and emotional. They tend to develop broad cultural interests and specialize in the arts humanities and liberal arts. Convergers combine Abstract Conceptualization and Active Experimentation. They have the opposite style to the Diverger. These learners do well in conventional testing situations and other contexts where there is a single correct answer or solution. They use hypothetical- deductive reasoning and can focus on specific problems. They are relatively unemotional are highly procedural and prefer to work with inanimate objects than people. They may have narrow interests and often choose to specialize in science engineering and other exact fields. Figure 1 illustrates the quadrants for the Diverger and the Converger. According to Hashaway 1998 Assimilators combine Reflective Observation and Abstract Conceptualization. They excel at creating theoretical models. They have a tendency toward inductive reasoning chunking up and are more interested in abstract concepts than in application or in people. Basic sciences and mathematics attract Assimilators who excel in these fields of study. 1038

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The Accomodators strength is doing things carrying out plans and performing experiments. They like novel experiences and adapt to change easily. Of the four types Accomodators are highest in risk-taking and most easily adapt to immediate circumstances. They solve problems in an intuitive trial-and-error manner. They rely on other people for information more than their own analytical ability. They can appear impatient or pushy. Kolb 1981 believed that the most effective problem solving and learning occurred when people used the skills of all four types of learners. Nearly every problem requires 1 Identifying a problem 2 Selecting which problem to solve 3 Considering a variety of possible solutions 4 Evaluating possible results of the solutions and 5 Implementing the solution of choice. Figure 3 which is adapted from Kolb shows how this cycle of learning and problem solving moves through all four of the learning styles and utilizes all four stages of learning. McCarthy 1987 developed the 4Mat system based on Kolbs learning types and recommended teaching in a cyclical process that addresses each phase in the cycle of learning and each of the learning styles in the instruction of any subject matter. Her method of teaching started with the Diverger values and meanings then Assimilator conceptual connections then Converger problem solving skills and finally Accommodator new creations. Movement around the circle includes all learners in their natural preferences and encourages them to develop skills in the other three styles. It respects the natural cycle of learning suggested by Kolb. 1981. McCarthys system was to teach to each style in sequence for each lesson or content chunk. For each lesson or content chunk the teacher was to answer the question most relevant for each quadrant: “Why” relevance “What” facts and descriptive material” How” methods and procedures and “What If” exceptions 1039

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applications creative combination with other material. McCarthy offered additional insights into the four leaning styles as summarized below. Characteristics of the Four Learning Types McCarthy 1987 Learning Style Characteristics as Learners Characteristics as Teachers Diverger Perceive information concretely process reflectively are imaginative believe in their own experience are insight thinkers thrive on harmony and personal involvement seek commitment meaning and clarity and have high interest in people and culture. Have interest in facilitating personal growth help people become more self- aware exhibit authenticity encourage discussions group work feelings and cooperation and help students find meaningful goals. They may be fearful under pressure and may lack risk-taking. Assimilator Perceive abstractly process reflectively devise theories seek continuity need to know what experts think love ideas and are detail oriented. They exhibit intellectual competence in Transmit knowledge facts and details use organized sequential thinking demonstrate love of knowledge but can have a dominating attitude that can discourage creativity. 1040

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traditional classrooms. Converger Perceive abstractly process actively integrate theory and practice are pragmatic dislike fuzzy ideas value strategic thinking are skill oriented like to experiment and seek results and applications. Encourage productivity and competence promote high values teach skills for adult life believe knowledge makes learners independent. They tend to be inflexible and may lack team skills Accommodator Perceive concretely and process actively learn by trial and error are interested in self-discovery are enthusiastic about new things are adaptable and flexible like change are risk takers people are important to them and they seek to influence. Enable student self- discovery help people act on their own visions believe curricula should be geared to learner interests see knowledge as a tool for improving society encourage experiential learning and are dramatic energizing stimulating novel David Kolb published his learning styles model in 1984 from which he developed his learning style inventory. Kolbs learning theory works on two levels: a four stage cycle of learning and 1041

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four separate learning styles. Much of Kolb’s learning theory is concerned with the learner’s internal cognitive processes. Kolb states that learning involves the acquisition of abstract concepts that can be applied flexibly in a range of situations. In Kolb’s theory the impetus for the development of new concepts is provided by new experiences. “Learning is the process whereby knowledge is created through the transformation of experience” David A. Kolb 1984. Kolbs experiental learning style theory is typically represented by a four stage learning cycle in which the learner touches all the bases: 1. Concrete Experience - a new experience of situation is encountered or a reinterpretation of existing experience 2. Reflective Observation of the new experience. Of particular importance are any inconsistencies between experience and understanding 3. Abstract Conceptualisation Reflection gives rise to a new idea or a modification of an existing abstract concept 4. Active Experimentation the learner applies them to the world around them to see what results Kolb Experiental Learning Styles Kolbs learning theory sets out four distinct learning styles which are based on a four-stage learning cycle. Kolb explains that different people naturally prefer a certain single different learning style. Various factors influence a persons preferred style. For example social environment educational experiences or the basic cognitive structure of the individual. Whatever influences the choice of style the learning style preference itself is actually the product of two pairs of variables 1042

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or two separate choices that we make which Kolb presented as lines of axis each with conflicting modes at either end: Concrete Experience - CE feeling ----V----Abstract Conceptualization - AC thinking Active Experimentation - AE doing--- V---- Reflective Observation - RO watching A typical presentation of Kolbs two continuums is that the east-west axis is called the Processing Continuum how we approach a task and the north-south axis is called the Perception Continuum our emotional response or how we think or feel about it. Kolb believed that we cannot perform both variables on a single axis at the same time e.g. think and feel. Our learning style is a product of these two choice decisions. Its often easier to see the construction of Kolbs learning styles in terms of a two-by-two matrix. Each learning style represents a combination of two preferred styles. The diagram also highlights Kolbs terminology for the four learning styles diverging assimilating and converging accommodating: Doing Active Experimentation - AE Watching Reflective Observation - RO Feeling Concrete Experience - CE Accommodating CE/AE Diverging CE/RO Thinking Abstract Conceptualization - AC Converging AC/AE Assimilating AC/RO 1043

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Kolb Learning Styles Definitions Knowing a persons and your own learning style enables learning to be orientated according to the preferred method. That said everyone responds to and needs the stimulus of all types of learning styles to one extent or another - its a matter of using emphasis that fits best with the given situation and a persons learning style preferences. Here are brief descriptions of the four Kolb learning styles: Diverging feeling and watching – CE/RO These people are able to look at things from different perspectives. They are sensitive. They prefer to watch rather than do tending to gather information and use imagination to solve problems. 1044

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They are best at viewing concrete situations several different viewpoints. Kolb called this style Diverging because these people perform better in situations that require ideas-generation for example brainstorming. People with a Diverging learning style have broad cultural interests and like to gather information. They are interested in people tend to be imaginative and emotional and tend to be strong in the arts. People with the Diverging style prefer to work in groups to listen with an open mind and to receive personal feedback. Assimilating watching and thinking - AC/RO The Assimilating learning preference is for a concise logical approach. Ideas and concepts are more important than people. These people require good clear explanation rather than practical opportunity. They excel at understanding wide-ranging information and organising it a clear logical format. People with an Assimilating learning style are less focused on people and more interested in ideas and abstract concepts. People with this style are more attracted to logically sound theories than approaches based on practical value. These learning style people is important for effectiveness in information and science careers. In formal learning situations people with this style prefer readings lectures exploring analytical models and having time to think things through. Converging doing and thinking - AC/AE People with a Converging learning style can solve problems and will use their learning to find solutions to practical issues. They prefer technical tasks and are less concerned with people and interpersonal aspects. People with a Converging learning style are best at finding practical uses for ideas and theories. They can solve problems and make decisions by finding solutions to questions and problems. 1045

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People with a Converging learning style are more attracted to technical tasks and problems than social or interpersonal issues. A Converging learning style enables specialist and technology abilities. People with a Converging style like to experiment with new ideas to simulate and to work with practical applications. Accommodating doing and feeling - CE/AE The Accommodating learning style is hands-on and relies on intuition rather than logic. These people use other peoples analysis and prefer to take a practical experiential approach. They are attracted to new challenges and experiences and to carrying out plans. They commonly act on gut instinct rather than logical analysis. People with an Accommodating learning style will tend to rely on others for information than carry out their own analysis. This learning style is prevalent. Honey and Mumfords Typology of Learners Based on Kolbs 1982 experiential learning model Honey and Mumford proposed a similar categorization of individual learning styles and which seems to be popular in management education: 1. Activists prefer to act and are well equipped to experiment experiencing 2. Reflectors prefer to study data and are well equipped to review reviewing 3. Theorists need to tidy up and have answers are well equipped for concluding concluding 4. Pragmatists like things practical are well equipped for planning planning According to various practionners websites e.g. there are important consequences for instructional designers: 1046

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1. Activists: o learn best when: they can immediately do something when they are exposed to new experiences and problems work with others in task teams o learn least when: they have to listen to long explanations absorb a lot of data follow precise instructions read write and think a lot on their own ... o Pedagogical activities: brainstorms problem solving group discussions role plays competitions etc. 2. Reflectors: o learn best when: they can observe review and think about what is happening o learn least when: they are rushed have to act as leaders o Pedagogical activities: observing activities paired discussions coached activities questionnaires interviews ... 3. Theorists: o learn best when: they can study theories models concepts stories etc. behind they can ask questions and engage in analysis and synthesis. o learn least when: the activity is ill structured no principles are taught ... o Pedagogical activities: Provide models background information ... 4. Pragmatists o learn best when: they can apply new information to a real world problem etc. o learn least when: "everything is theory" the isnt an immediate benefit etc. o Pedagogical activities: Case studies discussion problem solving 1047

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4.10.2 Myers-Briggs MBTI According to Felder 1996 this model classifies students according to their preferences on scales derived from psychologist Carl Jungs theory of psychological types. Students may be: 1. Extraverts try things out focus on the outer world of people or introverts think things through focus on the inner world of ideas 2. Sensors practical detail-oriented focus on facts and procedures or intuitors imaginative concept-oriented focus on meanings and possibilities 3. Thinkers skeptical tend to make decisions based on logic and rules or feelers appreciative tend to make decisions based on personal and humanistic considerations 4. Judgers set and follow agendas seek closure even with incomplete data or perceivers adapt to changing circumstances resist closure to obtain more data. The MBTI type preferences can be combined to form 16 different learning style types. For example one student may be an ESTJ extravert sensor thinker perceiver and another may be an INFJ introvert intuitor feeler judger. Myer-Briggs types do have similar practical implications for education to the Honey-Mumford approach. Sources : Mcleod S. A. 2010. Simply Psychology from http://www.simplypsychology.org/learning-kolb.html http://www.lifecircles- inc.com/Learningtheories/constructivism/kolb.html http://changingminds.org/explanations/learning/kolb_learning. htm http://edutechwiki.unige.ch/en/Learning_style 1048

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4.11 CHANGE MANAGEMENT "Change occurs when one becomes what one is not when one tries to become what one is not." Arnold R. Beisser The Transition Curve The three stages of transition are shown in a Transition Curve and whilst this curve is over simplified it is a useful tool for understanding the sorts of issues people might be facing during a change. 1049

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Here are some points to bear in mind when assessing where people are on the transition curve.  Some people repeat sections of the curve to best handle transition theres no right or wrong sequence.  People will exhibit different emotions depending upon the nature and number of changes occurring to them at the same time and their emotional intelligence. This is normal.  Realising where you and the people around you are on the curve will help you initiate appropriate actions and respond effectively.  Teams may travel the curve together but individuals will arrive at beginnings at their own personal rate.  Its OK to be slow so long as youre moving and not stuck somewhere.  Its OK to be slow so long as youre planning on arriving sometime.  Its OK to be fast so long as youre tolerant and supportive of slower travellers.  Its OK to be fast so long as you honestly acknowledge your own endings. 1. Understanding Endings In the Endings stage staff may want to deny the existence of the initiative and other related change events. Their denial can move them to fear and uncertainty about the future. This diminishes their level of activity and readiness to deal with the accelerating pace of change as the process starts to impact on the organization. Staff may acutely feel the loss of the familiarity and security they felt in the organization before this and other changes occurred. 1050

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They are likely to be trying to reconcile or accept the fact that things will now be different from the way they have been. They will be trying to accept that they will have to let go of their current sense of identity in the organization. Follow this link for a checklist of actions to consider in the Endings Zone Checklist for Managing Endings Have I studied the change carefully and identified who is likely to lose what including what I myself am likely to lose Y/N Do I understand the subjective realities of these losses to the people who experience them even when they seem like over-reaction to me Y/N Have I acknowledged these losses with sympathy Y/N Have I permitted people to grieve and publicly expressed my own sense of loss Y/N Have I found ways to compensate people for their losses Y/N Am I giving people accurate information and doing it again and again Y/N 1051

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Have I defined clearly what is over and what isnt Y/N Have I found ways to mark the ending Y/N Am I being careful not to denigrate the past but when possible to find ways to honour it Y/N Have I made a plan for giving people a piece of the past to take with them Y/N Have I made it clear how the ending we are making is necessary to protect the continuity of the organization or conditions on which the organization depends Y/N Is the ending we are making big enough to get the job done in one step Y/N 2. Understanding the Neutral Zone The Neutral Zone or exploration stage is the time between the current and the desired state. Staff will be attempting to orient themselves to the new requirements and behaviours. During this time they will be confused about the future and will feel overloaded with competing demands. This can have a negative impact on activities. Because things can be chaotic at this stage staff may question the status quo or the 1052

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accepted way of doing things. It is important to note that with encouragement this stage can be a time of exploration that is ripe with creative opportunity. Follow this link for a checklist of actions to consider in the Neutral Zone. Checklist for Managing the Neutral Zone Have I done my best to normalise the neutral zone by explaining it is an uncomfortable time which with careful attention can be turned to everyones advantage Y/N Have I redefined it by choosing a new and more affirmative metaphor with which to describe it Y/N Have I reinforced that metaphor with training programmes policy changes and financial rewards for people to keep doing their jobs during the neutral zone Y/N Am I protecting people adequately from further changes Y/N If I cant protect them am I clustering those changes meaningfully Y/N Have I created the temporary policies and procedures that we need to get us through the Y/N 1053

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neutral zone Have I set short-range goals and checkpoints Y/N Have I set realistic output objectives Y/N Have I found what special training programs we need to deal successfully with the neutral zone Y/N Have I found ways to keep people feeling that they still belong to the organisation and are valued by our part of it And have I taken care that perks and other forms of privilege are not undermining the solidarity of the group Y/N Do I have a means of gathering feedback during the time in the neutral zone Y/N Are my people willing to experiment and take risks in intelligently conceived ventures - or are we punishing all failures Y/N Have I stepped back and taken stock of how things are being done in my part of the organisation This is worth doing both for its own sake and as a visible model for others similar behaviour Y/N 1054

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Have I provided others with opportunities to do the same thing Have I provided them with the resources - facilitators survey instruments and so on - that will help them do that Y/N Have I seen to it that people build their skills in creative thinking and innovation Y/N Have I encouraged experiment and seen to it that people are not punished for failing in intelligent efforts that did not pan out Y/N Have I set an example by brainstorming many answers to my old problems - the ones that people say you just have to live with Am I encouraging others to do the same Y/N Am I regularly checking to see that I am not pushing for certainty and closure where it would be more conducive to creativity to live a little longer with - uncertainty and questions Y/N Am I using my time in the neutral zone as an opportunity to replace old systems with integrated systems Y/N 1055

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3. Understanding New Beginnings The New Beginnings stage of the Transition Curve is that time when people are ready to commit to the new direction and the change. They feel secure in the new organization and are ready to function as a significant contributor. This typically occurs as the initiative starts to achieve some of its desired goals. Checklist for Managing New Beginnings Am I distinguishing in my own mind and in my expectations of others between the start which can happen on a planned schedule and the beginning which will not Y/N Do I accept the fact that people are going to be ambivalent towards the beginning I am trying to bring about Y/N Have I taken care of the endings and the neutral zone or am I trying to make a beginning happen before it possibly can Y/N Have I clarified and communicated the purpose of the idea behind the change Y/N Have I created an effective picture of the change and found ways to communicate it effectively Y/N 1056

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Have I created a plan for bringing people through the three phases of transition - and distinguished it in my own mind from the change management Y/N Have I helped people to discover as soon as possible the part that they will play in the new system - or how the new system will affect the part they play within the organisation Y/N Have I ensured that everyone has a part to play in the transition management process and that they understand that part Y/N Have I checked to see that policies procedures and priorities are consistent with the new beginning I am trying to make so that inconsistencies are not sending a mixed message Y/N Am I watching my own actions carefully to be sure that I am effectively modelling the attitudes and behaviours I am asking others to develop Y/N Have I found ways financial and non financial to reward people for becoming the new people I am calling upon them to become Y/N 1057

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Have I built into my plans some occasions for quick success to help people rebuild their self- confidence and to build the image of the transition as successful Y/N Have I found ways to symbolise the new identity - organisational and personal - that is emerging from this period of transition Y/N Have I given people a piece of the transition to keep as a reminder of the difficult and rewarding journey we all took together Y/N Emotional Responses It can be a bit scary... I think managers should come clean on it and say it will be a bit scary and if they dont and say Oh no it will be fine there will be people who will be sitting there and thinking Oh no they are saying it should be fine and I am scared to death so there must be something wrong with me and there will be managers who are scared too. Head of Support Department Pre 92 University. I thought it sounded exciting but was also filled with horror at the thought of it becoming part of my working life. I had so many questions about how it would work and not do me out of a job. Hair Beauty Therapy Tutor FE College on implementation of a VLE 1058

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In a transition there are emotional responses to the losses that people experience because of the changes. This is normal but often these responses are taken by others as signs that the change is being resisted. Those leading change need to recognise these emotions in others and themselves and develop ways to manage their own emotions and assist others to manage theirs. Unmanaged these responses may undermine the changes and have personal consequences. This process has been likened psychologically to the grieving process. I think you can follow it back if you want to bereavement and all sorts of things like that. Saying that you cannot move through bereavement and become creative at the other end till you have got hold of what the loss means’ Head of Support Department Pre 92 University. Everyone deals with such major changes in their own way but we can identify a number of stages that staff might go through.  Shock and Denial  Distrust  Anger and Guilt  Depression Anxiety and Stress  Regret For a discussion of each of the stages together with some typical views from those who have experienced such a process follow the link to Emotional Responses to Change and Transition. Each of the stages in the process needs to be recognised and responded to accordingly. For example its no good expecting grudging acceptance when staff are still in shock. You are more likely to get anger and no argument no matter how reasonable to you is likely to win staff around. For those managing the change the challenge is to get staff through from shock to grudging acceptance in as fast a time as 1059

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possible whilst minimising stress and limiting the effect on other areas of the organisation. The Change Curve or transition curve helps us to understand the emotions that people may go through when changing This page explains the change curve which is one of the change management tools that would be on every change management checklist. It is a change management model that is essential in understanding how to be in control when going through the change management process. Whats in it for me to understand the transition curve Why should I bother The change curve above illustrates typical emotions and reactions when people are going through transition. Knowing that the emotions involved are temporary and "normal" will prevent you: 1060

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from becoming swamped by them or from being stuck in negative emotions or from being overcome by fear or from becoming a victim. It will empower you to be proactive and take control so that you can experience the change process positively with a sense of achievement and enhanced self esteem. Ok so what is the change curve Lets go through it stage by stage. Each specific situation and each person involved may vary somewhat from this of course depending on the scale of the change they are facing and the stakes involved. The change curve model above shows how you may react when involved in managing personal change that you may not have created may not agree with think you have and may have something to lose and feel that you can’t do anything about it - that is you are not in control of the change management process. Typically as shown on the change curve the first reactions involve the red negative emotions on the left hand side of the curve as you feel to be a victim. You may initially feel shock and be overwhelmed depending on the significance and scale of the changes. This may be followed by denial a refusal to accept or even recognise that change is happening. This may be followed by blame sometimes of others or of self. All the while the change is not going away - it keeps on coming like the tide coming in you can’t stop it. This may cause confusion or resistance and sabotage especially if there is significant uncertainty. 1061

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As these emotions unfold you may or may not suffer a deterioration of performance including your relationships with others or a decline in your self-esteem. Typically what then happens is that as the change is still coming you may come to accept the fact and let go of your negative emotions. If so you will have reached the bottom of the transition curve and will then begin the process of moving up the right hand side of the curve with the green positive emotions. You may for example begin to explore options in dealing with the change or options that the change itself creates. This will often be followed by testing out new behaviours in the changed situation searching for meaning and how to make it work. As experience with the new situation builds you may move into problem solving and decision making mode - now contributing to the changes and maybe beginning to experience the benefits of change management. Finally you integrate and internalise the changes into new habits. At this point your behaviour and performance is at a higher level than when the change management process began. In other words the change curve shows a typical situation where the outcome is success ie the change has been implemented and you have developed as a result. Whilst going through the change experience may have been uncomfortable especially in the first stages this positive outcome is likely to boost your personal development self confidence self help and determination 1062

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How long will it take Depending on the significance of the change it could take hours or days or weeks or months or years or maybe you might get stuck somewhere on the curve and never reach integration. In addition how people have encountered change is important. If change is being done TO them their emotions are likely to run higher and be more negative than if change is being done BY them. A key learning point is that the very same people who have been proactive in extending their property investing in the latest hi-fi or high definition home cinema acquiring the most up-to-date mobile ‘phone or computer setting up their own website holidaying in exotic places with very different cultures and food trading in their car for the latest model every two years etc. - those very same people can and do go through the change curve when change is done TO them rather than BY them. So two key points: 1. the change curve above summarises typical reactions when you have change thrust or forced upon you 2. however when change is owned and initiated by you it is a different kettle of fish e.g. you will avoid the negative red emotions shown on the change curve and enjoy the green emotions and a great sense of achievement. Therefore the best way to manage change is to help create it. This is undoubtedly the best change management model of all. How do I use the change curve Firstly use it to understand that negative emotions during change are "normal" and most of the time are transient i.e. they will pass. 1063

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This is very helpful in supporting yourself or others during change especially if you or they are well outside your comfort zone. Secondly use it to show empathy and to communicate to people going through change that getting stuck in the negative red emotions on the change curve or in feeling a victim will in the longer run be self-hurting. This can help peoples motivation to take control and be proactive in moving quickly to the green states shown on the change curve. Thirdly use it for feedback and learning by checking periodically where people are on the change curve and how they are moving along it or not. This can help people develop or maintain their perspective and to some extent de-personalise the process they are going through and thus reduce the intensity of any negative emotions they are feeling. It will also facilitate the planning of positive actions to accelerate progress to integation of new behaviours and habits. The Change Curve shows us that whilst there can be no formula for change management we can achieve self improvement by being proactive to boost our self esteem and control our emotions.. 1064

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KILLING ATTITUDE KILLER ATTITUDE Fear Try Experiment E nvy Cultivate Diversity Reject others Value others Feel victimized Admire others Feel dependent Compliment others Emphasize the importance of contribution of others Survive disasters Be committed 1065

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Overcoming internal resistance to change: in many ways the hallmark of a great leader is how well he or she manages change by Robert A. Sevier People and the organizations they create and inhabit seldom welcome change. For the most part they are resistant and reluctant believing that there is great comfort in the familiar and greater security in the status qua. As a result they tend to resist new ideas and new ways to think about old ideas. They suffer as one wag reminded me from hardening of the categories. Unfortunately our present and certainly our future is all about change. In fact there is a wonderful adage that describes the issue succinctly: The only constant is change. Ultimately both individual and organizational success may well depend not on how well we resist change but how well we embrace it. After all at its most basic leadership is all about managing change. It is about anticipating it framing it in ways the organization understands finding a path through it In many ways the hallmark of a great leader is how well he or she manages change. But why are people on campus so darn change-averse CHANGE AND FEAR What is it about change that people in general--and faculty and staff in particular--most fear Based on the work I have done with strategic planning and organizational change it appears that members of the campus community are often concerned about: Loss of power and prestige Reallocation or loss of resources Loss of autonomy Intrusion into personal and professional domains Changing definitions of success 1066

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Altered reward systems Fear of technology Fear of having to relearn On campus times of change are usually seen as times of angst True to that tendency Lily Tomlin once quipped "Why walk boldly when I can be driven by leaf" Now that we have a basic understanding of the reasons behind change resistance lets look at a handful of strategies for overcoming internal resistance to change to do that we need to first understand the physics of change. THE PHYSICS OF CHANGE There is a saying among Newtonians that a body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by a greater outside force. In other words if the pressure to change is not greater than the resistance to change little will happen. Stasis has been achieved. Understanding and sometimes applying these outside forces is critical to understanding and bringing about change especially transformational change. For colleges and universities these outside forces typically involve: A major threat or pressure from the external environment. In the mid 90s following a series of lawsuits and mounting public pressure The Citadel SC was forced to become coeducational. This was a major pressure from the external environment. An unanticipated opportunity. In 1981 Macalester College MN received a significant gift of stock from DeWitt and Lila Wallace. The gift coupled with other gifts keen leadership and careful management not only allowed the school to control its own destiny but challenged the college to think about the larger responsibility it had to serve society. An internal crisis or setback. 1067

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In the mid 90s following disclosure that the New Era Foundation was bankrupt a number of colleges and universities that had invested heavily in the fund found themselves without the necessary cash flow to finance some short-term obligations. These kinds of catalysts either singularly or in tandem can serve as the genesis for change. 7 STRATEGIES TO OVERCOME RESISTANCE Now that we understand both the fear and physics of change lets take a look at seven strategies designed to help you overcome resistance to change. 1--Clarify the change "event." First and foremost always clarify the change event. In other words whats the itch If you cannot clarify the specific threat or opportunity in real concrete a terms you cant advance. Whats more the change event must be identifiable not only to senior administrators but also to the faculty and staff actually in the trenches. 2--Create a sense of urgency. Next you must create a sense of urgency. A college or university might suffer declining enrollment for a number of years with little real concern. However showing that this decline will affect faculty salaries or might cause a loss of accreditation is more likely to generate a sense that something must be done. To create a sense of urgency key audiences must understand in real and concrete terms how the change event will affect them. Either show them how their lives will be diminished if the threat is not dealt with or how their lives will be improved if the opportunity is accommodated. 3--Develop a course of action. Once you have identified a threat or opportunity you must develop a course of action that is clear and simple. If it is not dear people wont understand how it will deal with the issue. If it is not simple people will get bogged down. A simple decision to freeze tuition increases for example is a lot easier to understand than a complex financial aid 1068

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leveraging scheme that takes a raft of Ph.D.s in Economics to understand and implement. As you think about your course of action however keep in mind two important fundamentals: First a good response created and acted upon quickly is much better than a perfect response that takes forever to Formulate. Second dont get too focused on a need for consensus. Consensus sounds great and change-management literature is chock-full of strategies for achieving it. But the fact is total consensus almost never occurs. So rather than consensus seek just enough consensus. Get enough people on board especially the right people. Dont worry about the vocal 10 percent who seem to oppose your every move. Let their peers work on them you work with the go percent who are willing to be led. 4--Establish a guiding coalition. While the vision for a change may originate with one person the actual change process must be accomplished through a coalition of believers who in response to a threat or opportunity developed a unified response. This guiding coalition must be large enough to have an impact on the organization but small enough to act in a truly coordinated fashion. Furthermore this coalition must include major and minor players and be as cross-functional as possible drawing from all segments of the campus. A coalition that includes people from Admissions Advancement and senior faculty will likely be more credible than a team comprising people only from Advancement. 5--Communicate your course of action widely. With the key elements in place you must communicate your course of action widely and continually. Not only must people understand in general the institutional response but they must understand specifically their role in the change process. What is the role that the people in Parking or the Registrars office have in the change process If they dont understand their role they will not be wedded to the change event. Furthermore they might unintentionally undermine what you are trying to accomplish. 1069

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6--Generate and celebrate near-term wins. While significant change is typically a long-term undertaking people need to know immediately that their efforts are having some impact. This is much like the overweight person who decides to lose 50 pounds over the next year. After a week of struggling with a new food plan a dieter wants to know that shes dropped a few pounds Without that near-term win shell become discouraged and drop out before the long haul. So celebrate your near-term wins. If you decide to open an off-campus center for adult students people on the main campus need to be aware that the center is successful and that adults are enrolling. And if you are smart youll also tell them how the revenue from that new center is going to help them in their day-to-day activities. 7--Anchor change in the organization. Change begins with people but it is institutionalized through artfully developed policies and procedures realistic budgets measures of success and ongoing training. You simply cannot ask people to change without giving them the tools to change. This support must be real obvious and given freely. At the same time people who opt not to change must be dealt with or their recalcitrance will spread. One of the quickest ways to undermine change is to ignore people who will not embrace--and even sabotage--the change initiative. IN A NUTSHELL ... Educator and philosopher Clarke Kerr once wrote "The major test of a modern U.S. university is how wisely and how quickly it is able to adjust to important new possibilities." Bottom Line Its all about change. TWO TOMES ON CHANGE There Ore a great number of books on change but my two favorites are: 1070

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Kotter John. Leading Change Boston Harvard Business School Press 1996 Kouzes James M and Barry Z. Posner. Credibility: How Leaders Gain and Lose It Why People Demand It San Francisco Jossey- Bass 1995 Break Through Inner Resistance To Your Success By Suzanne Zacharia So many people feel stuck in the same old problem. Maybe they have been trying to make more money and somehow there is always a limit stopping them from moving further. Or perhaps they keep repeating the same unhappy patterns in love and relationships. Some people contact me with an emotional or physical condition that just would not shift. They may have seen excellent practitioners therapists and coaches but still they have the challenge to deal with. It often seems like there is no hope and can be very frustrating. The biggest source of frustration is that the person would be doing everything they can to get over this hurdle and totally committed so they cannot understand why there is this internal block stopping them. With EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques this block is called Psychological Reversal. It is a state where you want to move forward but your energy is holding you back. Usually this psychological reversal is easy to treat with every time you do the EFT procedure. However in some cases this simple treatment is not enough. With trial and error I have found three solutions to this kind of stubborn block. 1. The Sentinel negotiation. Most stubborn blocks is because part of you sees harm in moving forward and blocks you from doing so. As strange as it may seem this is because part of you is protecting you. The idea of the Sentinel is one derived from NLP and I find that once the negotiation is 1071

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complete then that block is no longer needed and your Sentinel protector simply removes it and lets you move on to your success. For example you may want to have more money but your Sentinel thinks that if you does you will be taken advantage of by someone and treated badly by them so it stops you dead in your tracks every time you come near to realizing that goal. Or maybe you want to meet a love partner but your Sentinel is afraid that if you do you will have children and treat them as badly as your mother or father treated you so your Sentinel will do anything to stop you from having a stable relationship. Also resistant phobias and addictions are notorious for having an element of protection stopping you from moving forward. If you have a fear or anxiety that simply will not go away ask your Sentinel for help that is my advice. Most people will try to push their way past their Sentinel and try to force the change only to be thwarted again at some point. The answer lies with talking to your Sentinel and negotiating a way forward together. As strange as it may seem what is in the way is actually your way forward. 2. The Mountains of Self Worth program. I found that one reason why some people gets stuck in a negative way of thinking is that they are always comparing themselves unfavourably to others. For example if you think your colleague is better than you when it comes to promotion you will somehow block yourself from taking that position instead of him/her. Or if you think you are unattractive or unworthy as a partner or lover compared to most of your friends or family this belief may hold you back from having a happy relationship. Or you may feel anxious in social situations or when doing a presentation comparing yourself unfavourably with others whom you see as better than you. By releasing this constant comparison you can see yourself as you really are rather as a lesser-than kind of person. Then 1072

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the lesser-than block will melt away and you can simply move forward to your success. After all it is your path to success that you are treading not the other people you compare yourself to. You are the only one that matters on this path regardless of what they do on theirs. It is your path. 3. The third block is a very low level of self-love or self- acceptance and sometimes a very low level of love and acceptance for others. I have found that when this is about 20 or lower the person is thwarted in any effort of self- improvement or that they get extremely slow progress. For example someone who wants to lose weight but hates themselves often would overeat to fill the emotional void from lack of self-love. Or someone who wants to get the most out of their staff but finds them uncooperative may at a subconscious level not accept their staff and they sense that and react accordingly. Someone who has bitterness in their heart to certain people may be subconsciously concentrating so much on this bitterness that they may have no energy left to propel themselves to their own success. The solution is to learn how to accept and/or send unconditional love healing energy. You can train yourself to channel love healing from the Universe all around you. This love is unconditional love and by its definition it has no conditions. The only person blocking it would be you. But the good news is that you can train in how to let it in and how to channel it or let it flow through you. Once you do you will find it much easier to move forward to the success that your heart truly desires. I hope this gives you ideas on the way forward. By removing these inner resistance blocks you can find the success that you truly desire. 1073

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The Habit Change Cheatsheet: 29 Ways to Successfully Ingrain a Behavior We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle Our daily lives are often a series of habits played out through the day a trammeled existence fettered by the slow accretion of our previous actions. But habits can be changed as difficult as that may seem sometimes. There are so many examples around us: people do quit smoking stop impulse spending get out of debt begin running and waking early and eating healthier become frugal and simplify their lifes become organized and focused and productive … you get the picture. Keep it simple Habit change is not that complicated. While the tips below will seem overwhelming there’s really only a few things you need to know. Everything else is just helping these to become reality. The simple steps of habit change: 1. Write down your plan. 2. Identify your triggers and replacement habits. 3. Focus on doing the replacement habits every single time the triggers happen for about 30 days. That’s it. We’ll talk more about each of these steps and much more in the cheatsheet below. 1074

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The Habit Change Cheatsheet The following is a compilation of tips to help you change a habit. Don’t be overwhelmed — always remember the simple steps above. The rest are different ways to help you become more successful in your habit change. 1. Do just one habit at a time. Extremely important. Habit change is difficult even with just one habit. If you do more than one habit at a time you’re setting yourself up for failure. Keep it simple allow yourself to focus and give yourself the best chance for success. Btw this is why New Year’s resolutions often fail — people try to tackle more than one change at a time. 2. Start small. The smaller the better because habit change is difficult and trying to take on too much is a recipe for disaster. Want to exercise Start with just 5-10 minutes. Want to wake up earlier Try just 10 minutes earlier for now. Or consider half habits. 3. Do a 30-day Challenge. In my experience it takes about 30 days to change a habit if you’re focused and consistent. This is a round number and will vary from person to person and habit to habit. Often you’ll read a magical “21 days” to change a habit but this is a myth with no evidence. Seriously — try to find the evidence from a scientific study for this. A more recent study shows that 66 days is a better number. But 30 days is a good number to get you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit every day for 30 days and post your daily progress updates to a forum. 4. Write it down. Just saying you’re going to change the habit is not enough of a commitment. You need to actually write it down on paper. Write what habit you’re going to change. 5. Make a plan. While you’re writing also write down a plan. This will ensure you’re really prepared. The plan should include your reasons motivations for changing obstacles triggers 1075

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support buddies and other ways you’re going to make this a success. More on each of these below. 6. Know your motivations and be sure they’re strong. Write them down in your plan. You have to be very clear why you’re doing this and the benefits of doing it need to be clear in your head. If you’re just doing it for vanity while that can be a good motivator it’s not usually enough. We need something stronger. For me I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I made a promise to them. I knew if I didn’t smoke not only would they be without a husband and father but they’d be more likely to smoke themselves my wife was a smoker and quit with me. 7. Don’t start right away. In your plan write down a start date. Maybe a week or two from the date you start writing out the plan. When you start right away like today you are not giving the plan the seriousness it deserves. When you have a “Quit Date” or “Start Date” it gives that date an air of significance. Tell everyone about your quit date or start date. Put it up on your wall or computer desktop. Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and excitement and helps you to prepare. 8. Write down all your obstacles. If you’ve tried this habit change before odds are you have you’ve likely failed. Reflect on those failures and figure out what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every obstacle that’s happened to you and others that are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan to overcome them. That’s the key: write down your solution before the obstacles arrive so you’re prepared. 9. Identify your triggers. What situations trigger your current habit For the smoking habit for example triggers might include waking in the morning having coffee drinking alcohol stressful meetings going out with friends driving etc. Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan. 1076

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10. For every single trigger identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning instead of smoking what will you do What about when you get stressed When you go out with friends Some positive habits could include: exercise meditation deep breathing organizing decluttering and more. “Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” - Mark Twain 11. Plan a support system. Who will you turn to when you have a strong urge Write these people into your plan. Support forums online are a great tool as well — I used a smoking cessation forum on about.com when I quit smoking and it really helped. Don’t underestimate the power of support — it’s really important. 12. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Ask them for their help and let them know how important this is. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette for example without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy. 13. Become aware of self-talk. You talk to yourself in your head all the time — but often we’re not aware of these thoughts. Start listening. These thoughts can derail any habit change any goal. Often they’re negative: “I can’t do this. This is too difficult. Why am I putting myself through this How bad is this for me anyway I’m not strong enough. I don’t have enough discipline. I suck.” It’s important to know you’re doing this. 14. Stay positive. You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug Then replace 1077

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them with a positive thought. “I can do this If Leo can do it so can I” : 15. Have strategies to defeat the urge. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable and they’re strong. But they’re also temporary and beatable. Urges usually last about a minute or two and they come in waves of varying strength. You just need to ride out the wave and the urge will go away. Some strategies for making it through the urge: deep breathing self-massage eat some frozen grapes take a walk exercise drink a glass of water call a support buddy post on a support forum. 16. Prepare for the sabotagers. There will always be people who are negative who try to get you to do your old habit. Be ready for them. Confront them and be direct: you don’t need them to try to sabotage you you need their support and if they can’t support you then you don’t want to be around them. 17. Talk to yourself. Be your own cheerleader give yourself pep talks repeat your mantra below and don’t be afraid to seem crazy to others. We’ll see who’s crazy when you’ve changed your habit and they’re still lazy unhealthy slobs 18. Have a mantra. For quitting smoking mine was “Not One Puff Ever” I didn’t make this up but it worked — more on this below. When I wanted to quit my day job it was “Liberate Yourself”. This is just a way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to do. 19. Use visualization. This is powerful. Vividly picture in your head successfully changing your habit. Visualize doing your new habit after each trigger overcoming urges and what it will look like when you’re done. This seems new-agey but it really works. 20. Have rewards. Regular ones. You might see these as bribes but actually they’re just positive feedback. Put these into your plan along with the milestones at which you’ll receive them. 1078

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21. Take it one urge at a time. Often we’re told to take it one day at a time — which is good advice — but really it’s one urge at a time. Just make it through this urge. 22. Not One Puff Ever in other words no exceptions. This seems harsh but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit you need to be really consistent. You can’t do it sometimes or there will be no new bond or at least it will take a really really long time to form. So at least for the first 30 days and preferably 60 you need to have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens you need to do the new habit and not the old one. No exceptions or you’ll have a backslide. If you do mess up regroup learn from your mistake plan for your success and try again see the last item on this list. 23. Get rest. Being tired leaves us vulnerable to relapse. Get a lot of rest so you can have the energy to overcome urges. 24. Drink lots of water. Similar to the item above being dehydrated leaves us open to failure. Stay hydrated 25. Renew your commitment often. Remind yourself of your commitment hourly and at the beginning and end of each day. Read your plan. Celebrate your success. Prepare yourself for obstacles and urges. 26. Set up public accountability. Blog about it post on a forum email your commitment and daily progress to friend and family post a chart up at your office write a column for your local newspaper I did this when I ran my first marathon. When we make it public — not just the commitment but the progress updates — we don’t want to fail. 27. Engineer it so it’s hard to fail. Create a groove that’s harder to get out of than to stay in: increase positive feedback for sticking with the habit and increase negative feedback for not doing the habit. 1079

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28. Avoid some situations where you normally do your old habit at least for awhile to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize though that when you go back to those situations you will still get the old urges and when that happens you should be prepared. 29. If you fail figure out what went wrong plan for it and try again. Don’t let failure and guilt stop you. They’re just obstacles but they can be overcome. In fact if you learn from each failure they become stepping stones to your success. Regroup. Let go of guilt. Learn. Plan. And get back on that horse. Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones. - Benjamin Franklin 1080

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4.22 THE KÜBLER-ROSS GRIEF CYCLE For many years people with terminal illnesses were an embarrassment for doctors. Someone who could not be cured was evidence of the doctors fallibility and as a result the doctors regularly shunned the dying with the excuse that there was nothing more that could be done and that there was plenty of other demand on the doctors time. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross was a doctor in Switzerland who railed against this unkindness and spent a lot of time with dying people both comforting and studying them. She wrote a book called On Death and Dying which included a cycle of emotional states that is often referred to but not exclusively called the Grief Cycle. In the ensuing years it was noticed that this emotional cycle was not exclusive just to the terminally ill but also other people who were affected by bad news such as losing their jobs or otherwise being negatively affected by change. The important factor is not that the change is good or bad but that they perceive it as a significantly negative event. The Extended Grief Cycle The Extended Grief Cycle can be shown as in the chart below indicating the roller-coaster ride of activity and passivity as the person wriggles and turns in their desperate efforts to avoid the change. The initial state before the cycle is received is stable at least in terms of the subsequent reaction on hearing the bad news. Compared with the ups and downs to come even if there is some variation this is indeed a stable state. 1081

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And then into the calm of this relative paradise a bombshell bursts...  Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.  Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.  Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.  Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.  Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.  Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.  Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward. This model is extended slightly from the original Kubler-Ross model which does not explicitly include the Shock and Testing stages. These stages however are often useful to understand and facilitating change. 1082

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Sticking and cycling Getting stuck A common problem with the above cycle is that people get stuck in one phase. Thus a person may become stuck in denial never moving on from the position of not accepting the inevitable future. When it happens they still keep on denying it such as the person who has lost their job still going into the city only to sit on a park bench all day. Getting stuck in denial is common in cool cultures such as in Britain particularly Southern England where expressing anger is not acceptable. The person may feel that anger but may then repress it bottling it up inside. Likewise a person may be stuck in permanent anger which is itself a form of flight from reality or repeated bargaining. It is more difficult to get stuck in active states than in passivity and getting stuck in depression is perhaps a more common ailment. Going in cycles Another trap is that when a person moves on to the next phase they have not completed an earlier phase and so move backwards in cyclic loops that repeat previous emotion and actions. Thus for example a person that finds bargaining not to be working may go back into anger or denial. Cycling is itself a form of avoidance of the inevitable and going backwards in time may seem to be a way of extending the time before the perceived bad thing happens. Source: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Death and Dying Macmillan NY 1969 http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/ku bler_ross/kubler_ross.htm 1083

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Examples. Shock and Denial. "This cant be happening not to me." "I dont have true infertility since Ive already had a child."  Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts information reality etc. relating to the situation concerned. Its a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Anger. "Why me After all Ive been through. Its not fair" "How can this happen to me" "Who is to blame"  Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves and/or with others especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset. 1084

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Bargaining. "Please God. I would give anything." "If I dont get pregnant we will just adopt either way it will happen." "I know there must be a reason this is happening."  Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution especially if its a matter of life or death. Depression. "Im so sad why bother with anything" "No matter what I do its just not going to happen." "Why try anymore" "Everyone is moving on without me."  During the fourth stage the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this the individual may become silent refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. Acceptance. "Its going to be okay." "Theres nothing I can do to change it so why stay bitter" "It will happen eventually."  In this last stage individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or that of a loved one or other tragic event. 1085

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Not everyone even that has gone through infertility loss of a loved one or a preemie may experience these stages. Some are strong enough to be in acceptance for most of the time...oh gosh how I wish I could be that strong. Some will deny it until those two lines appear or until their baby comes home. But I can guarantee that I have felt each stage and most do. Some days its easy to accept and other days I just refuse to accept this. Either way I will be real about those feelings be that good bad or ugly. And I refuse to apologize for that. http://drawingablake.blogspot.com/2011/12/grief-cycle-and- loss-of-control.html Recognizing Grief Over the Loss of Income Shock and denial are the first reactions of people experiencing unplanned changes. When people experience a major income loss they go through certain stages of grief. Figure 2 shows these and what happens at each stage. People often move back and forth between the stages and sometimes get stuck at a particular stage for a while. To express anger in a positive way people need to change how they view the situation. Stage 1 - Shock and Denial Shock and denial are the first reactions of people experiencing unplanned changes. At this stage in the loss cycle it is normal for people to feel confused and afraid and to want to place blame. However many people are just numb when facing an unplanned change as if they were on automatic pilot. It is very common for people to avoid making decisions or taking action at this point. 1086

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Figure 2. Stages of the Grief Cycle People are often unable to function or perform simple routine tasks during this stage. Denial can occasionally be healthy for a short time but prolonged denial can have devastating consequences for the person and for the situation. Denial of something that has happened or of the pain and fear being experienced is a way in which people protect themselves when faced with a painful situation. Continued denial of the pain and fear however will block them from doing something about it. 1087

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Stage 2 - Anger Anger is a feeling that is often intensely felt during this time. Anger is identified by feelings of second-guessing hate self- doubt embarrassment irritation shame hurt frustration and anxiety. People usually understand more clearly what is happening but they may look for someone to blame at this stage. If there is no one on whom to focus the anger or blame a feeling of helplessness may take over and the anger may be turned inside. Some people take it out on themselves by taking responsibility for a situation over which they have had little control. People are often afraid that if they let themselves acknowledge the anger they feel they will immediately need to express it and act on it in a way that they will regret later. However by not admitting to themselves and others close to them the loss and pain they feel they will be blocked from doing something about the situation. It will also prevent them from moving on. Some people get stuck at this stage. To express anger in a positive way people need to change how they view the situation. It is also helpful to talk to others about it or write down their feelings in order to figure out what they need to do to make the feelings less intense. Another option is to turn the anger into energy through an active sport or brisk physical activity or to express it through playing a musical instrument. Stage 3 - Depression and Detachment The third stage of the loss cycle depression and detachment is characterized by feelings of helplessness hopelessness and being overwhelmed. People often feel down lack energy and have no desire to do anything. Withdrawal from activities and other people is common. Because it is also hard to make 1088

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decisions at this stage ask a family member friend or professional to help you if important decisions need to be made. Stage 4 - Dialogue and Bargaining The fourth stage dialogue and bargaining is a time when people struggle to find meaning in what has happened. They begin to reach out to others and want to tell their story. People become more willing to explore alternatives after expressing their feelings. They may however still be angry or depressed. People do not move neatly from one stage to another. Rather the stages overlap and people often slip back to earlier stages. Stage 5 - Acceptance At this stage people are ready to explore and consider options. As the acceptance stage progresses a new plan begins to take shape or at the very least people are open to new options. Getting Back to "Normal" A persons "normal" state of functioning becomes disrupted by a sudden income loss. It is possible to return to a purposeful state of functioning after going through the stages described above and after exploring options and setting a plan. People then begin to feel secure and in control and have a more positive self- esteem. People get renewed energy to tackle life again but in different ways than before the sudden income change. It is perhaps better to think of the end of the grief cycle as returning to a meaningful life rather than returning to a "normal" life. "Normal" at this stage will not be the same as "normal" before the loss. Source: University of Minnesota http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/businessmanagem ent/components/06499c.html 1089

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4.13 Knowing and Not Knowing If I dont know I dont know I think I know If I dont know I know I think I dont know Laing R D 1970 Knots Harmondsworth Penguin p.55 "He that knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him He that knows not and knows that he knows not is a pupil. Teach him. He that knows and knows not that he knows is asleep Wake him. He that knows and knows that he knows is a teacher. Follow him." Arabic proverb NEIGHBOUR R 1992 The Inner Apprentice London Kluwer Academic Publishers. p.xvii "We know what we know we know that there are things we do not know and we know that there are things we dont know we dont know" Donald Rumsfeld 4 Sept 2002 Woodward 2004: 171 It is ironic perhaps that the initial insight is allegedly Arabic. This paper is playing around with a conceit: two senses of the term "know". However it is all in a professional cause. 1090

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The two senses are those of:  awareness of self represented by the vertical red line in the diagram below and  knowledge of the world the horizontal blue line There are of course four possible combinations which are explored below. You may find parallels with the witting and willing practice model and also with the familiar "unconscious incompetence" to "unconscious competence" model. which relates primarily to practical skills: here we are exploring knowledge. Laings poetic exploration of its interpersonal convolutions cited above it goes on for another 21 pages and the citation of the idea by Neighbour 1992 credited as an Arabic proverb demonstrate that it has a considerable provenance. 1091

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Not knowing you dont know The first possibility is that of being unaware that you dont know something. This is the "ignorance is bliss" state enjoyed by everyone who pontificates about politics in pubs. It is also the position of many people on "soft" occupations such as teaching or social work which look from the outside as if "any fool could do it". Some do. And it is engendered by consummate professionals who make what they do look easy such as plasterers and chefs and popular novelists and.... Many students start from this position and although the Neighbour proverb calls them "fools" it is not really fair. Lets go on — So the first move is often to make learners aware of their ignorance. This is tricky in practice. Unless they are a captive audience it is quite easy to frighten them off. It is also quite seductive because it is a chance to show off your own level of knowledge or competence. On the other hand it is a crucial step in developing motivation to learn. 1092

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There are various ways of doing it. In my first German lesson a young teacher recited a poem to us in German: it sounded great but we couldnt understand a word of it of course. He didnt really need to do it because we already knew we didnt know any of it apart from a couple of phrases picked up from war films. He was trying to show what we might aspire to and went on to explain that. It must have made an impact because I can remember the lesson fifty years later.  You can ask a student usually either one who is a bit full of himself and needs to be "taken down a peg" or one who is mature enough not to be humiliated to do something practical in the certainty that he will fail. Only do this if you are confident that when you do it as you will be challenged to you can manage it yourself.  You can pose a problem which has a seemingly simple answer political economic legal—or in Neighbours case medical and then show the problems in reaching 1093

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that simple solution which stem from ignorance of the context. The trick is to show something which is so far beyond the students reach but not so far beyond it that they will despair. The second trick is to make it interesting. I have deliberately not mentioned strategies for doing this in accountancy. More significantly:  In continuing professional development courses in particular you may be challenging survival-oriented practice in which people have a substantial vested interest: this is the key to the whole un- learning/learning process.  Unless you have to do it dont. Many learners particularly those who have signed up for your course of their own free will are only too aware of what they dont know. The last thing they need is for you to rub it in.  Skill in this area is of course a core competence for charlatans. Whether self-help gurus who must convince you of your personal inadequacy or potential ill-health religious proselytisers who must convict you of sins only they believe are sinful or salespeople who have to create a "need" for their product they all have to manage this stage. Study and learn from them—just dont believe them. 1094

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Knowing you dont know This move from "knowing that you dont know" to "knowing that you know" is what most learning and hence teaching is all about. 1095

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Knowing and not knowing that you know The interaction between knowing and not knowing that you know is however more complex and much neglected. There are two kinds of knowledge in a third sense or practice involved here.  The first is that for which the move to "not knowing that you know" or "unconscious competence" is the highest stage of development. This applies to the basic skills of driving or knitting the kind of thing you can "do without thinking".  The second is where people who have informally learned a great deal mistakenly put themelves in the "knowing that they dont know" category because they have never received any academic or professional accreditation for their learning. This is the downside of our qualification-driven culture which dismisses those whom Gramsci called "organic intellectuals" because they do not have the recognition of the formal educational system.  Neighbours Arabic proverb enjoins us to "awaken" someone in this position which means to take them back counter-clockwise on the diagram to an awareness of their knowledge. There is a link here with Mezirows concept of "transformative learning" in which education leads to a re-evaluation of life so far.  There is perhaps a third possibility here too which is the fit with the willing but unwitting category in the model of practice on this site. 1096

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The problematic expert The fourth possibility is touched on in the discussion of expertise.This the person who wait for it knows that she knows but does not know how she knows—or cannot express it. Ask about a particularly brilliant bit of practice and you will get a banal answer which might have come out of the textbook but which totally fails to do justice to the complexity of what she has done. Sometimes that answer will be given because she does not want to appear a "smart-arse" "Ass" if you are American but I wouldnt wish to confuse you with references to donkeys. Sometimes though she might claim that it is a matter of "not being able to put it into words" or even disconcertingly of a "hunch". She may even be afraid of trying to express her expertise for fear that an inadequate exposition will somehow jeopardise fragile knowledge. Once she has said it it might become ossified. She might feel obliged to live up to her exposition and limit that insight and creativity which goes beyond words. Some things we can teach and some we cant. 1097

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So thats the whole story. Or is it Is there any connection between the "Dont know that you know" stage and the "Dont know that you dont know" stage Possibly but not always.  There may occasionally be a cycle: if you dont know what you do know you probably dont know what you dont know either. This may be the case for people who are stuck at a survival learning level. They have learned to get by with what they know to the extent that they do not give themselves credit for it or are even unaware of knowing it as we have discussed. However they cant take it any further because it is out of awareness so they are unaware of how they could move on from mere competence or proficiency to real expertise.  For such people because they do not know what they know they may be unsure of their knowledge and may be threatened by the prospect of moving on which leads to a degree of resistance to new learning. The Bottom Line Clearly we have to get people to realise what they dont know if necessary. But fascinating though it is the inarticulate expertise of not knowing that you know is a dead end from the learning and teaching point of view. The only open position with potential for development is that of knowing what you know. Sources: http://www.trainer.org.uk/members/theory/ process/stages_of_learning.htm http://www.neurosemantics.com/Articles/ Unconscious.htm http://www.nlp.org/glossary.htmlU Dubin P 1962 Human Relations in Administration Englewood Cliffs NJ Prentice-Hall 1098

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Kirkpatrick D. L. 1971. A practical guide for supervisory training and development. Reading MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Co. Theres a fascinating exploration of the whole story at http://www.businessballs.com/consciouscompetencelearn ingmodel.htm The medical school at the University of Arizona has taken similar ideas further with their Curriculum on Medical Ignorance CMI and developed the Q-Cubed Questions questioning and questioners project. Here is their "Ignorance Map" which identifies: Known Unknowns: all the things you know you dont know. Unknown Unknowns: all the things you dont know you dont know Errors: all the things you think you know but dont Unknown Knowns: all the things you dont know you know Taboos: dangerous polluting or forbidden knowledge Denials: all the things too painful to know so you dont acknowledgements to Perkins D 2009 Making Learning Whole: how seven principles of teaching can transform education San Francisco Jossey Bass p 241 for the link. Ref: WOODWARD B 2004 Plan of Attack New York Simon and Schuster 1099

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Source: Atherton J S 2011 Doceo Knowing and not knowing On-line: UK retrieved 1 February 2012 from http://www.doceo.co.uk/tools/knowing.htm Read more: Knowing and not knowing http://www.doceo.co.uk/tools/knowing.htmixzz1l7YFrgpN Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives conscious competence learning model stages of learning - unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence - and other theories and models for learning and change Here first is the conscious competence learning model and matrix and below other other theories and models for learning and change. The earliest origins of the conscious competence theory are not entirely clear although the US Gordon Training International organisation has certainly played a major role in defining it and and promoting its use .The conscious competence model explains the process and stages of learning a new skill or behaviour ability technique etc. It most commonly known as the conscious competence learning model sometimes conscious competence ladder or conscious competence matrix although other descriptions are used including terminology relating to conscious skilled and conscious unskilled which is preferred by Gordon Training. Occasionally a fifth stage or level is added in more recent adapted versions. Whatever you call it the conscious competence model is a simple explanation of how we learn and a useful reminder of the need to train people in stages. 1100

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The learner or trainee always begins at stage 1 - unconscious incompetence and ends at stage 4 - unconscious competence having passed through stage 2 - conscious incompetence and - 3 conscious competence. Teachers and trainers commonly assume trainees to be at stage 2 and focus effort towards achieving stage 3 when often trainees are still at stage 1. The trainer assumes the trainee is aware of the skill existence nature relevance deficiency and benefit offered from the acquisition of the new skill. Whereas trainees at stage 1 - unconscious incompetence - have none of these things in place and will not be able to address achieving conscious competence until theyve become consciously and fully aware of their own incompetence. This is a fundamental reason for the failure of a lot of training and teaching. If the awareness of skill and deficiency is low or non-existent - ie. the learner is at the unconscious incompetence stage - the trainee or learner will simply not see the need for learning. Its essential to establish awareness of a weakness or training need conscious incompetence prior to attempting to impart or arrange training or skills necessary to move trainees from stage 2 to 3. People only respond to training when they are aware of their own need for it and the personal benefit they will derive from achieving it. Conscious competence learning matrix The progression is from quadrant 1 through 2 and 3 to 4. It is not possible to jump stages. For some skills especially advanced ones people can regress to previous stages particularly from 4 to 3 or from 3 to 2 if they fail to practise and exercise their new skills. A person regressing from 4 back through 3 to 2 will need 1101

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to develop again through 3 to achieve stage 4 - unconscious competence again. For certain skills in certain roles stage 3 conscious competence is perfectly adequate. Progression from stage to stage is often accompanied by a feeling of awakening - the penny drops - things click into place for the learner - the person feels like theyve made a big step forward which of course they have. There are other representations of the conscious competence model. Ladders and staircase diagrams are popular which probably stem from the Gordon Training organisations interpretations. Certain brain personality types favour certain skills see for example the Benziger theory. We each possess natural strengths and preferences. We each therefore find progression to stage 3 and particularly to stage 4 easier in some skills rather than in others. Some people will resist progression even to stage 2 because they refuse to acknowledge or accept the relevance and benefit of a particular skill or ability. In these cases its obviously not too clever to attempt to progress the person to stage 3. Instead find the person a more suitable role or allow an adapted approach to the current role if appropriate and viable. People develop competence only after they recognise the relevance of their own incompetence in the skill concerned. competence incompetence conscious 3 - conscious competence the person achieves conscious competence in a 2 - conscious incompetence the person becomes aware of the existence and 1102

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skill when they can perform it reliably at will the person will need to concentrate and think in order to perform the skill the person can perform the skill without assistance the person will not reliably perform the skill unless thinking about it - the skill is not yet second nature or automatic the person should be able to demonstrate the skill to another but is unlikely to be able to teach it well to another person the person should ideally continue to practise the new skill and if appropriate commit to becoming unconsciously competent at the relevance of the skill the person is therefore also aware of their deficiency in this area ideally by attempting or trying to use the skill the person realises that by improving their skill or ability in this area their effectiveness will improve ideally the person has a measure of the extent of their deficiency in the relevant skill and a measure of what level of skill is required for their own competence the person ideally makes a commitment to learn and practice the new skill and to move to the conscious competence stage 1103

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new skill practise is the singlemost effective way to move from stage 3 to 4 unconscious 4 - unconscious competence the skill becomes so practised that it enters the unconscious parts of the brain - it becomes second nature common examples are driving sports activities typing manual dexterity tasks listening and communicating it becomes possible for certain skills to be performed while doing something else for example knitting while reading a book the person might now be able to teach others in the skill concerned although 1 - unconscious incompetence the person is not aware of the existence or relevance of the skill area the person is not aware that they have a particular deficiency in the area concerned the person might deny the relevance or usefulness of the new skill the person must become conscious of their incompetence before development of the new skill or learning can begin the aim of the trainee or learner and the trainer or teacher is 1104

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after some time of being unconsciously competent the person might actually have difficulty in explaining exactly how they do it - the skill has become largely instinctual this arguably gives rise to the need for long-standing unconscious competence to be checked periodically against new standards to move the person into the conscious competence stage by demonstrating the skill or ability and the benefit that it will bring to the persons effectiveness Suggested fifth stage of conscious competence model As with many simple and effective models attempts have been made to add to the conscious competence model notably a fifth stage normally represented as: Conscious competence of unconscious competence which describes a persons ability to recognise and develop unconscious incompetence in others. Personally I think this is a development in a different direction: ability to recognise and develop skill deficiencies in others involves a separate skill set altogether far outside of an extension of the unconscious competence stage of any particular skill. As already mentioned there are plenty of people who 1105

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become so instinctual at a particular skill that they forget the theory - because they no longer need it - and as such make worse teachers than someone who has good ability at the conscious competence stage. Alternatively a fifth stage of sorts has been represented as follows: One will only know a maximum of 80 of anything ... and the remaining 20 is never the same. Ack W McLaughlin I understand from another mediation colleague in Ireland that one Bateman may be the source of the model. And another suggestion from David Baume which I like very much: David wrote May 2004: As a fifth level I like what I call reflective competence. As a teacher I thought "If unconscious competence is the top level then how on earth can I teach things Im unconsciously competent at" I didnt want to regress to conscious competence - and Im not sure if I could even I wanted to So reflective competence - a step beyond unconscious competence. Conscious of my own unconscious competence yes as you suggest. But additionally looking at my unconscious competence from the outside digging to find and understand the theories and models and beliefs that clearly based on looking at what I do now inform what I do and how I do it. These wont be the exact same theories and models and beliefs that I learned consciously and then became unconscious of. Theyll include new ones the ones that comprise my particular expertise. And when Ive surfaced them I can talk about them and test them. Nonaka is good on this Nonaka I. 1994. "A Dynamic Theory of Organizational Knowledge Creation." Organization Science 5: 14- 37. David Baume May 2004. And from Linda Gilbert along similar lines May 2004: Responding to your inquiry about "fifth stage of learning model" 1106

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on your conscious competence learning model webpage... Ive heard of one that belongs - I think it was called "re-conscious competence." It indicates a stage where you can operate with fluency yourself on an instinctive level but are ALSO able to articulate what you are doing for yourself and others. That stage takes attention to process at a meta-cognitive level. Many people never reach it - we all know experts who cant tell you how theyre doing what theyre doing. Linda Gilbert Ph.D. May 2004 If you can shed further light on origins of this thinking please get in touch. And from John Addy Aug 2004: "I suggest the 5th stage can be complacency. That is when the person continues to practise the skill which has become automatic and second nature but over time allows bad habits to form. For example an exemplary driver makes a silly mistake. Or a trainer believing himself or herself to be an expert fails to prepare adequately for a training session and drops a clanger. These are the dangers of thinking you can do something so easily you become complacent. Complacency can also cause problems if the person doesnt keep up-to-date with the skill. As techniques and approaches move forward the person remains behind using set methods which have perhaps become stale out-dated or less relevant to today. In each case above the person must reassess personal competence perhaps against a new standard and step back to the conscious competence stage until mastery is attained once again. Complacency provides a useful warning to those who think they have reached the limit of mastery. It can also encourage people to search for continuous improvement." John Addy Aug 2004 1107

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From Lorgene A Mata PhD December 2004: "First I think calling this model conscious competence learning model is not appropriate or accurate because it gives the impression that the model considers conscious competence as the highest level of learning when in fact it is only the third level. Based on this model it is unconscious competence that is the end-goal of learning. But calling the model unconscious competence learning model may not sound fitting either. I therefore suggest to call this model simply as competence leaning model without the qualifying term conscious. Secondly I find this model applicable mainly if not exclusively to the acquisition of physical skills or competencies and not to higher mental skills where conscious non-repetitive complex and creative mental operations are demanded. Thirdly I believe the highest level of competence learning is not level 4 unconscious competence but a higher 5th level which I call enlightened competence. At this level the person has not only mastered the physical skill to a highly efficient and accurate level which does not anymore require of him conscious deliberate and careful execution of the skill but instead done instinctively and reflexively requiring minimum efforts with maximum quality output and is able to understand the very dynamics and scientific explanation of his own physical skills. In other words he comprehends fully and accurately the what when how and why of his own skill and possibly those of others on the same skill he has. In addition to this he is able to transcend and reflect on the physical skill itself and be able to improve on how it is acquired and learned at even greater efficiency with lower energy investment. Having fully understood all necessary steps and components of the skill to be learned and the manner how they are dynamically integrated to produce the desired level of overall competence he is thereby able to teach the skill to others in a manner that is effective and expedient. You wrote in your website that this 5th level may be called conscious competence of unconscious competence. But to me this term is too complex and unwieldy to most people. My 1108

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suggested label which is enlightened competence I believe is more appropriate for this 5th level of competence that indeed exists and is attainable in some cases." Lorgene A Mata PhD December 2004 From Roger Kane November 2005: "I have been aware of and using this four level models concepts for a great number of years... But I always felt that there was another level level 5 based upon the skills of level 4 that reflected an ability to be reactively creative. That is to do for the first time something never before considered. The ability to intuitively react to a new situation with an optimally accurate response. The "Wow I didnt know I could really go to that level" experience. I have occasionally happened upon this in both snow and water skiing tennis and driving race cars when there was no time to think about how to solve a new puzzle but my instinctive reaction did so. I have also seen skiers I coach momentarily get there without understanding why or knowing how to get back there. I suspect this is what is often referred to as being in the flow or in the zone and is more dependent on allowing and holistic trust of the body genius rather than causing from linear thoughts or inputs. While potential for this level 5 of performance can be trained and prepared for few can produce it on demand i.e. Michael Jordan Tiger Woods. The foundation definitely lies in level 4 but the results are expressed as the ultimate performance potential of an individual." Roger Kane Director of Education and Training Sunburst Ski Area Kewaskum Wisconsin November 2005 From Mike McGinn December 2005: "Another suggested parallel for a further stage beyond unconscious competence... The Capability Maturity Model has echoes in numerous disciplines and I would suggest that optimizing unconscious competence or something similar could be appropriate. This to me would encompass the unconscious operation of the process or delivery of the task alongside the unconscious measurement and 1109

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improvement of the task delivery process. Perhaps that also introduces another whole layer of variables though- whether it is helpful or not is moot" The Capability Maturity Model was it seems developed by the Software Engineering Institute at Carnegie-Mellon University it describes five stages of maturity: Initial Repeatable Defined Managed Optimized and is a protected system belonging to the US Mellon financial services corporation. Mike McGinn December 2005 From Andrew Dyckhoff January 2007: "My suggestion for the 5th level would be Chosen Conscious Competence. People often use the driving analogy to explain the model. In the analogy people normally relate the transition from a learner having to think: mirror signal manoeuvre engage etc. to jumping in and driving off without consciously thinking about the process. When we go on an advanced driving course we learn that there are certain things we should ALWAYS CONSCIOUSLY CHECK. These include looking to see whether there is an idiot coming the other way through a red light and stopping so you can see the road behind the tyres of the car in front of you etc. The sales example is that excellent sales people discipline themselves never to assume and always to check.. To summarise there are some elements of what we do that are so critical to successful performance that the highest level of learning is to choose to remain consciously competent as with the advanced driving analogy: unconscious competence is fine when we are changing gear but not when passing through a green light..." Ack Andrew Dyckhoff January 2007 From Will Taylor March 2007: "Re 5th stage - see the ideas in the diagram. This is more of a spiral model than a hierarchical matrix. It would seem that mature practice involves a mature recognition that one is inevitably ignorant of many things one does not know i.e. we revisit unconscious incompetence repeatedly or continually i.e. consciousness of unconscious 1110

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incompetence. Repeatedly we are continuously rediscovering beginners mind. "We revisit conscious incompetence making discoveries in the holes in our knowledge and skills becoming discouraged which fuels incentive to proceed when it does not defeat. We perpetually learn inviting ongoing tutelage mentoring and self-study ongoing conscious competence. We continually challenge our unconscious competence in the face of complacency areas of ignorance unconscious errors and the changing world and knowledge base: We challenge our unconscious competence when we recognize that a return to unconscious incompetence would be inevitable. We do this in part by self-study and use of peer review - such that mature practice encompasses the entire conscious competence model rather than supercedes it as the hierarchical model might suggest." 1111

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Courtesy of Will Taylor Chair Department of Homeopathic Medicine National College of Natural Medicine Portland Oregon USA March 2007. Please reference the diagram accordingly if you use it. And these wonderful observations from from Richard Moore May 2007: "...I studied with Chris Argyris at Harvard and always had a bit of discomfort at his notion of incompetence. Most people will not acknowledge that they are incompetent. They will however acknowledge that they are unaware possibly ignorant of something or simply unmotivated by it. Indeed until one has a purpose for a thing it is simply irrelevant. That then introduces the issue of power relationships a debate I had with Chris. If one person defines another as incompetent but the other sees no need for the competence then the one is imposing a worldview on the other which if permitted to prevail is essentially imperial - or at the least dominating. This fits the model which Paulo Freire critiqued in Pedagogy of the Oppressed and his other works. In the spirit of a liberating praxis and related notions of empowerment through ones ability to define ones world and ones self and relations within it I would propose 5 stages somewhat along the lines of Will Taylors: accidental intentional skillful masterful and enlightened. The accidental stage is simply the stage in which one recognizes no particular need for a skill or competency but may come across it accidentally nonetheless. Whether one chooses or comes to value it is determined by an intentionality or willful choice desire. That intentionality then can lead to skillfulness. Skillfulness can become mastery. Mastery has the potential for enlightenment. I would not call mastery unconscious. It is simply wired in. That literally occurs when the neuro-cognitive system acquires new brain cells e.g. see http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.phpstoryId7431209sc emaf. 1112

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This does not mean that one is unconscious but that ones responses become automatic about which one can be highly conscious. Consequently enlightenment is an appropriate label for the stage beyond mastery. This can also be called reflective although one is often reflective beginning with intentionality. The distinction is that enlightenment represents a particular attainment of higher awareness whereas reflection per se is the directing of attention toward an object. I would emphasize the nature of enlightenment as a dissolution of boundaries to the point where one is conscious of a higher level of reality in which self and other become part of a unified field albeit from the point of awareness of an enlightened master as it were. This is that form of mentoring referred to as guruship assuming the guru is in fact qualified through this degree of enlightened competence. What should be apparent is that there is learning distinct from awareness. One learns through means independent of awareness although awareness may accompany learning. Awareness can also interfere with learning. The two are simply not the same. One may in fact be a capable teacher with awareness and lack the actual skill one is teaching. This may be unusual but is certainly not unheard of. It can arise with persons who become disabled but are still aware or it may arise with persons who are aware but never acquired the physical skill. Certainly Einstein was never God to have thought experiments enabling him to imagine how God might have designed the universe. More illustratively athletes can improve their performance through visualization. Visualization in fact can improve the efficacy of exercise in general whether physical or mental. This should be telling us that awareness and the physical process of learning occur somewhat independently albeit interactively. Anyhow I suggest that conscious competence is really just learning in 5 stages from accidental to enlightened passing through intentional skillful and masterful. Many other labels can 1113

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be applied as many other cultures have done. The learning must be accompanied by a corresponding degree of awareness that then differentiates automatic learning from sentient learning. We can teach a machine but enlightenment requires some degree of spiritual transcendence or insight. Whether artificial intelligence can attain this is of less concern than the simple acknowledgement in functional or operational terms that enlightenment is attained through intentionality that unifies mastery with awareness - even if the mastery in physical terms is exhibited by someone or something other than the enlightened master shades of the Force. Effective leaders in organizations accomplish this through the organizations. Gurus accomplish this through their disciples. I would also remark in closing that Buddhism distinguishes the Arhat from the Boddhisattva. Both are considered enlightened except the Arhat is essentially selfish about attaining nirvana whereas the Boddhisattva sticks around to bring everyone else along. One might ask if it is truly enlightened to cash in on nirvana without mentoring others. This is the essential distinction between Hinayana or small boat or vessel and Mahayana or big boat or vessel in regard to schools of Buddhism. I like the idea that an Enlightened Master is one who acts compassionately toward others by mentoring them." And a follow-up note from Richard on five stages: Evelyn Underhill in her classic work Mysticism identifies five stages of development: 1. Awakening 2. Purgation 3. Illumination 4. Dark Night of the Soul 5. Union with the Ultimate Courtesy of Richard H Moore US Dept of Energy Professor Assistant Professor of Behavioral Science Leadership and 1114

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Information Strategy Department Industrial College of the Armed Forces National Defense University Washington DC May 2007. Please reference Richard Moore if you use any of his comments. Here is another helpful and interesting perspective from Mussarat Mashhadi December 2007: "... I feel there is another stage which is important this I believe is the stage in which a person having reached the fourth level is capable of enhancing the same skill or may be if required has the ability to retrace his learning in order to develop a new set of skills for the same function type writer vs. computer. So maybe the fifth level can be enhancement and enrichment stage. For example people who are computer savvy have to every other month learn unlearn or relearn Toefler 1991 one or the other skill. To be able to achieve this there has to be in my opinion an acceptance about personal limitations and receptiveness to learn. Having a high self efficacy Bandura might be a factor restricting a person to the fourth stage only...." Ack Mussarat Mashhadi December 2007 S Baker posed this questioning observation March 2008 to which Ive added my response afterwards: "... I have made my living in the equine industry for better than 38 years. I am now involved in instruction and clinics about riding skills to a high level. I have a saying that I came across and use frequently because I run into a lot of people it fits. The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance it is the illusion of knowledge by Daniel J. Boorstin. Hence people that think they know something or everything and cant/wont learn something new. I dont doubt Ive been there myself. Hopefully Im into learning and growth pretty consistently. Where does that fit in with the four stages of competence..." My ACs reply was: "I would say its either a usually but not always negative aspect of unconscious competence or a fifth stage albeit not inevitably following the prior learning or perhaps more appropriately stage one 1115

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unconscious incompetence of a new learning cycle - unconscious due to ignorance or denial - since the ignorance concerns a new form of competence or capability." The above exchange prompted this from C Thompson April 2008: "...I think the stages are fixed places where people are at a point in time on a specific topic. People can move through the stages but there need to be certain elements present for this progression to take place... they would include the environment for learning the teacher’s skill and style and most importantly the students interest in and reason for learning. There are probably many other elements. So back to the quote the person that "knows" the illusion of knowledge does not need to learn. When a person thinks they are full of knowledge there is no room for more knowledge and learning stops or is slowed considerably. Progression from one stage to the next stops or is slowed considerably. I think this refers less to where someone is and more toward where they are capable of going..." This helpful and elegant interpretation of the 5th stage of the Conscious Competence learning model was submitted by G Sharples June 2008: "... I was reading your contributors discussions regarding the 5th level of learning and thought Id join in with my own definition: The 5th level is achieved when the individual is able to perform consistently at Level 4 and then de-construct their experience for both themselves and others so each may learn to apply the skill consistently. I like the suggestions that this stage is called Enlightened Competence..." The following observations are from S March Feb 2009 which my AC reactions beneath: "... Re the 5th Step and beyond: Is there any any additional element to describe a Reflective Competence practitioner who knows that whilst the current job practice is as good as is available there must be a better way to do something - i.e. the eventual output is product/service innovation that revolutionises the way the world regards and 1116

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uses the product or service. This approach may well involve disregarding the knowledge that has led to the practitioners current scale of competence and possibly requires assumption of a conscious incompetence state though conscious incompetence is not a flattering or indeed accurate label for such an experienced and knowledgable practitoner so that the problem can be viewed without any pre-conceptions..." The above is an interesting question. The scenario raises the possibility that learning a new method/skill in response to external innovation or demands for example for an existing area of conscious/reflective competence might suitably be regarded as the start of a new Conscious Competence cycle. The last 4th/5th stage of the first cycle is for many people the early stages of a new cycle of learning in new methods. Conscious Competence in an existing skill can easily equate to Unconscious Incompetence in a new method now required to replace the hitherto consciously competent capability. The Refective Competence level suggested fifth level - see Will Taylors diagram above in the first cycle could equate to the Consciously Incompetent level in the new cycle. Reflective learners possess expert competence in the subject at a determined skill or method but not in different and new methods. So perhaps representing the learning of new methods for existing expertise at say level 4 or 4 in terms of a repeating 4/5-part cycle is a reasonable way to approach the response to external innovation scenario or internal innovation for the same reasons. The observations which follow are from M Singh 23 Feb 2009: "...I have read the discussion especially with reference to the 5th stage and have tried to integrate J M Fishers theory of the Process of Transition to add extra emotional perspective. When someone becomes conscious of incompetence emotions of anxiety happiness fear and or denial may be experienced. Feelings of threat to previous learning guilt at departing from previous 1117

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learning and possibly depression at having to relearn can arise until a firm commitment is made to the new learning. If the commitment to the new learning is not strong feelings of hostility or disillusionment can arise. The ability to demonstrate the skill partially is the beginning of a gradual acceptance which through practice then naturally leads to Conscious Competence. A lack of discipline in this area could repeat emotional sequences of earlier transitions. Mastery at this stage enables Unconscious Competence and builds confidence to teach others the skill. This is arguably the fifth reflective stage. The Cognitive Domain of Blooms Taxonomy offers further useful perspective by which we can overlay the Bloom Cognitive Domain learnings stages onto the Conscious Competence stages: Blooms Recall and Understand knowledge fall within Conscious Incompetence. Application is within Conscious Competence. Analysis is within Unconscious Competence. The create and build aspects of Synthesis equate to what some suggest is a 5th stage of the Conscious Competence model. Blooms Evaluation is a step beyond this - moving to objective detachment from the subjective involvement present up to and included in the Bloom Synthesis stage equating to the fifth reflective stage of the Conscious Competence model. At the higher end of the reflective stage mastery can be directed outwardly towards innovation for a wider not self-directed purpose in which the master is critical of even his own achievements. Two driving factors here are concern for the greater good and humility regarding success of self." Edited and abridged from a longer piece entitled Emotions in the Conscious Competence learning Model from and with thanks to Maanveer Singh CPBA Kingfisher Training Academy Mumbai India 23 Feb 2009. I received this amusing contribution from Dr V Kumar 19 Apr 2009: "...Some 20 years ago a colleague suggested to me that the 5th stage in the Conscious Competence cycle should be 1118

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Confident Incompetence. He was referring to some of our professors and senior teachers somewhat past their prime..." The joke is a warning of the dangers of lapsing into complacency after attaining mastery in anything and is therefore a very useful point. And this from Lee Freeman May 2009: "...Regarding the conscious competence model I came up with this little thought... The unconscious incompetent doesnt know hes incompetent and when he is competent is unconscious of his competence. And when his meta-conscious competence imparts vigilant omniscience truly hes a fool when he believes hes omnipotent Or maybe hes just unconscious of this…" Here are interesting comments from Charles H Grover March 2010: "...I have been reading the discussions about adding a 5th step to this model and suggest that the first four are simply out of step. I refer you to the He who knows not... proverb below. The old Confucious/Persian/Arabic saying has step three Conscious Competence as the ultimate while step four Unconscious Competence is the person asleep and he/she needs to be woken up. I believe this really makes Will Taylors excellent diagram clearer discovery learning practice mentorship. Who are we to hold their hands when they are inviting us to climb on their shoulders A fifth stage is easier to define when we get the first four in order..." Origins and of conscious competence model It is not clear who originated the very first conscious competence learning model. As well as various modern authors sources as old as Confucius and Socrates are cited as possible earliest originators. You will see here that Gordon Training International is popularly considered to be the originator of the conscious competence model. The Gordon Training Learning Stages model certainly 1119

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matches the definitions within what we know as the conscious competence model although it refers to the stages as skilled and unskilled rather than competence and incompetence. Interestingly many people prefer the words skilled/unskilled terms because they are less likely to offend people. Gordon Training have confirmed to me that they did use the terminology competent/incompetent prior to redefining the terminology but they did not develop the matrix presentation of the concept and it remains unclear where the competence originally term came from and whether it pre-dated the Gordon model or was a subsequent interpretation. The California-based Gordon Training organisation founded by Dr Thomas Thomas Gordon states that their Learning Stages model called The Four Stages for Learning Any New Skill was developed by former GTI employee Noel Burch over 30 years ago. To what extent GTI and Noel Burch based their Learning Stages concept on earlier ideas is not clear - perhaps none perhaps a little. Whatever Gordon Training International certainly seem today to be the most commonly referenced source in connection with the conscious competence skilled/unskilled learning stages theory. Here are some other suggestions and comments about the conscious competence models origins. Many people compare the Conscious Competence model with Ingham and Lufts Johari Window which is a similarly elegant 2x2 matrix. Johari deals with self-awareness Conscious Competence with learning stages. The models are different and Ingham and Luft most certainly were not responsible for the Conscious Competence concept. Some know the conscious competence matrix better as the conscious competence learning ladder and Ive received a specific suggestion ack Sue Turner that the learning model was originated in this ladder form by someone called Kogg 1120

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however this is where that particular trail starts and ends unless you know better... Some believe that W C Howell was responsible for Conscious Competence in its modern form - apparently the model can be found in W C Howell and E A Fleishman eds. Human Performance and Productivity. Vol 2: Information Processing and Decision Making. Hillsdale NJ: Erlbaum 1982. Thanks A Trost Other origin suggestions are as follows the www.learning- org.com message board contains much on the subject: Linda Adams president of Gordon Training International suggested that the "Learning Stages model i.e. unconsciously unskilled consciously unskilled consciously skilled unconsciously skilled ... was developed by one of our employees and course developers Noel Burch in the 1970s and first appeared in our Teacher Effectiveness Training Instructor Guide in the early 70s..." The model has been a part of all of GTIs training programs since that time but they never added a fifth stage and did not devise the matrix representation the origins of which remain a mystery. Separately Linda has kindly informed me August 2006 that Noel Burch used the competence/incompetence terminology prior to redefining it as skilled/unskilled so as to fit better with their training. It is not known what Noel Burchs prior notions or influences in developing the model if there were any might have been. The following suggestions for the most part actually pre-date the above details about Gordon Training but are nevertheless interesting as regards other reference points and possible earlier origins. Kenn Martin suggested the originator is identified by Michael A. Konopka Professor of Leadership and Management Army Management Staff College Fort Belvoir Virginia as being DL 1121

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Kirkpatrick 1971 presumably Donald Kirkpatrick originator of the Kirkpatrick Learning Evaluation Model from A Practical Guide for Supervisory Training and Development Reading MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Co. A suggestion attributed by Bob Williams to Paul Denley who "... writes about his learning in terms of a movement from Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Unconscious Competence and Conscious Competence........." goes on to say that "...Pauls reference to this model is: P. Dubin 1962 from Human Relations in Administration Englewood Cliffs NJ Prentice-Hall." Bob Williams also includes a suggestion by Susan Gair: "... I have been interested for a long time to know the source of this adult learning model unconscious incompetence etc. I have a document which discusses it and then cites Howell 1977 p38- 40..." Development and conflict resolution expert Bill McLaughlin suggests Bateman is the Conscious Competence model originator. Any additional information about this would be gratefully received. See Tony Thackers comments below David Hurst Ontario-based speaker writer and consultant on management has looked for origins of the conscious competence model and suggests that the first mention he could find was in an interview with W Lewis Robinson in the Personnel Journal v 53 No. 7 July 1974 pages 538-539 in which Robinson cited the four categories UC/IC C/IC C/C and UC/C in the context of training and pointed out that UC/C practitioners often werent effective as teachers. Hurst says the next mention was in an article by Harvey Dodgson "Management Learning in Markstrat: The ICL Experience" Journal of Business Research 15 481-489 1987 which used Kolbs learning styles and then showed the four conscious competence categories in a cycle but gave no references for it. Hurst corresponded with Dodgson but never 1122

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got to the bottom of where the model came from. Hurst says also that Maslow has been suggested as a possibile original source but that hes not been able to find reference in Maslows principle works. And from Andrew Newton UK consultant trainer Jan 2005: "When I came across the conscious competence model it seemed to fit my counselling skills development: Initially couldn’t do it and was unaware that I couldn’t unconscious incompetence. I then trained with Relate and realized I wasn’t very good conscious incompetence. I worked hard and improved conscious competence until I found increasingly that I did this naturally in my work with colleagues and students unconscious competence. I continued to use these skills I thought quite effectively but realized years later when I went on more training that I was in fact quite rusty and had regressed into unconscious incompetence again from 4 to 1. I would suggest that unless you are a reflective practitioner you run the risk of this dramatic shift how many car drivers are not as good as they think when they have been driving for 30 years. This may be similar to David Baume’s reflective competence. " Ack A Newton Carole Schubert suggests Jan 2005 the following: The unconsciously competent/consciously competent model I have known for many years as a skills development framework. I feel that a final category adds completeness and use the analogy of learning to drive a car to explain it: non-driver unconscious incompetence beginner conscious incompetence just passed driving test conscious competence driver who gets to work without remembering the drive or drunk driver unconscious competence The fifth level is the advanced driver who is processing what is happening in the here and now without their cognisance 1123

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interfering with their abilities understanding why they are doing what they are doing and making conscious subtle changes in light of this understanding. Carole Schubert also points out a reference by worldtrans.org to the fifth level which the unidentified writer calls: meta-conscious competence whereby a capability is mastered to the point that the practitioner is consciously aware at all times of what unconscious or sub-conscious abilities he/she is using and is able to analyse adapt and augment their activity in other ways. This inerpretation is consistent with many other peoples ideas that the fifth level represents a level of cognisance which is above and beyond the fourth level of subconscious automation. Furthermore Carole Schubert is another to suggest that Dr Thomas Gordon founder of Gordon Training International originally developed the Conscious Competence Learning Stages Model in the early 1970s when it first appeared in Gordons Teacher Effectiveness Training Instructor Guide. Its terminology was then unconsciously unskilled consciously unskilled consciously skilled unconsciously skilled and there was no fifth level. Ack C Schubert And this train-the-trainer perspective from James Matthews Feb 2005 who points out that bringing skills back into keeping skills at conscious competence is necessary where a person needs to maintain vigilance or needs to do something different notably correct bad habits or to keep skills fresh and relevant. In these cases moving skills from unconscious competence into conscious competence is a necessary step. Indeed certain types of skills - especially those which concern safety - should arguably be maintained within the consciously competence stage and never be encouraged to progress to unconscious competence. Ack James Matthews This from Marcia Corenman Feb 2005: "The Performance Potential Model bears a resemblance to the Dimensional Model that was developed in the late 1940’s by psychologists Coffey 1124

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Freedman Leary and Ossorio. In the 1950s the Kaiser foundation and the US Public Health Service sponsored research projects which were published in 1957. Since then the Dimensional Model has been demonstrated as a valid classification of interpersonal behavior and is a dependable tool for understanding that behavior. I learned about this model in a book Leadership Through People Skills by Robert E. Lefton Ph.D. and Victor R. Buzzotta Ph.D. © 2004 by Psychological Associates Inc." Ack Marcia Corenman Anita Leeds suggests Mar 2005 points out the similarity and potential influence of RH Daves Psychomotor Domain learning stages model 1970 used in teaching manual skills and part of Blooms Taxonomy and which provides an interesting comparison alongside the conscious competence four-stage model: According to Daves theory the psychomotor learning domain emphasises physical skills coordination and use of the motor-skills. Development of these skills requires practice and is measured in terms of speed precision distance procedures or techniques in execution. There are five major categories in RH Daves model whose five stages given certain learner attitude and circumstances could just about be argued overlay the four stages of the conscious competence model: 1. Imitation: Observes and patterns behavior after someone else. Performance may be of low quality. 2. Manipulation: Performs skill according to instruction rather than observation. 3. Develop Precision: Reproduces a skill with accuracy proportion and exactness usually performed independently of original source. 4. Articulation: Combines more than one skill in a sequence achieving harmony and internal consistency. 5. Naturalization: Has a high level of performance. Performance becomes automatic. Completes one or more skills with ease. Creativity is based on highly developed skills. 1125

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Rey Carr adds Mar 2005: "Back in the early 1970s I taught classes called Parent Effectiveness Training. I was trained as an instructor by and is another to suggest Tom Gordon probably now called the Gordon Effectiveness Institute. Trainers often met together to discuss various issues associated with experiences and improving the curriculum. One of our group talked about four learning stages as unconscious incompetent through unconscious competent. However I came up with a different model at the time because we thought the language of that four stage model might be too jargon like for the parents we worked with in the classes. The model I developed which we then adapted for our training materials was also a four stage model but the stages were are unskilled skilled competent expert. In the unskilled stage the learner didnt know what to do why it might be necessary or valuable to use the skill and if they did try it would give up very quickly if encountering any difficulty whatsoever. In the skilled stage the learner would be able to perform the skill with some consistency but often did so in a robotic or formulaic fashion. In the competent stage the learner was able to perform the skill with great consistency but was mostly a clone of the person who taught them how to do it. The learner strongly resisted alternative ways to perform the skill and was strongly connected to the original teacher. In the expert stage the learner finally found his or her own voice or style and was continually modifying the skill to fit circumstances new learning and context. Thus while the group of us started out using the unconscious competence model eventually each of us like myself went past the wording of the model and became "expert" in learning stages no longer needing to explain it the same way we originally heard it.." Ack Rey Carr Jillian Duncan suggests April 2005 the conscious competence model relates to the work of Professor Albert Bandura a pioneer of socil cognitive theory human efficacy and mastery. Ack J Duncan Following on from this suggestion I asked 1126

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Professor Bandura for his comments about the origins of the conscious competence model and he replied 15 Apr "I am not familiar with the model you describe" which effectively eliminates Professor Bandura from the list of possible originators... AC And another reference to Tom Gordon from Ingrid Crosser Australia April 2005 "... Regarding your question about the origins of the Conscious Competence Learning Model it might help you to know I came accross the same concept with slightly different wording in the Parent Effectiveness and the Teacher Effectiveness Training courses by Thomas Gordon in the late 70s. It was referred to as the Unconsciously Unskilled to Unconsciously Skilled stages of learning. I still use it today in my group work with parents regarding parenting. Ack Ingrid Crosser Tom Gagnon wrote April 2006 "I have experienced the conscious-competent material here in Minnesota USA. It is used for sales training at the Larry Wilson Learning Center in Minneapolis Minnesota USA. I do not know if Larry Wilson developed the material or modified it to meet his training programs." Ack Tom Gagnon Robert Wright suggests July 2006 that the model can be traced back to Holmes and Rahe. Holmes and Rahe are more usually associated with the Holmes-Rahe crisis/stress life changes scale - if anyone has knowledge about any work of theirs which relates to the conscious competence stages then please let me know. Tina Thuermer August 2006 is another suggesting Gordon Training origins: "I think what you are referring to is Gordons Skill Development Ladder which is used by Performance Learning Systems in training teachers in peer coaching. I have also used it with grad students becoming teachers and with my 11th and 12th grade students. Its a staircase with the first one being Unconsciously Unskilled the fantasy stage - Oh I can do 1127

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this Ive been taught teaching doesnt look too hard the second being Consciously Unskilled survival stage: Oh my God what have I gotten myself into - this is so much harder than I thought. the third being Consciously Skilled or the competence stage: I know what to do and I am concentrating very hard and on a very conscious level to use the techniques I know I need to be successful and the final one Unconsciously Skilled mastery stage: I dont have to be consciously operating all the time - some of the techniques and practices I have acquired are now wired into me some of my skills are automatic - I can save my conscious energy for the ones Im still working on developing.. He or she also posits the existence of the Unconsciously Talented - those annoying people who are really good at something from the beginning - they are wired for that activity." Ack Tina Thuermer Washington International School Washington DC Tony Thacker made the following contribution October 2006 in reference to the above comments about Bateman being a possible origin. "In the item on the four stages of learning conscious competence model you ask for references to Bateman... Did your original informant perhaps mean Gregory Bateson In Steps to an Ecology of Mind page 293 Bateson describes five stages of learning: learning three seems to correspond to the process of becoming conscious of what is going on when we are operating in unconscious competence Batesons five stages of learning are:  Zero learning is characterised by specificity of response which right or wrong is not subject to correction  Learning I is change in specificity of response by correction of errors within a set of alternatives  Learning II is change in the process of Learning I eg a corrective change in the set of alternatives from which choice is made or a change in how the sequence of experience is punctuated 1128

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 Learning III is change in the process of Learning II eg a corrective change in the sets of alternatives from which choice is made Bateson goes on here to say that to demand this level of performance of some men and mammals is sometimes pathogenic  Learning IV would be change in Learning III but says Bateson probably does not occur in any living organism on this Earth Sam Webbon offered this additional perspective: "...As regards the models uncertain origins the suggested link to Buddhism seemed fitting... True enlightenment involves acting compassionately towards and mentoring others... I like this ethic and can imagine that the author of the Conscious Competence model did too... The absence of ownership of the model is consistent with the Buddhist philosophy of sharing mentoring and encouraging others as would a bodhisattva..." Thanks Sam Webbon May 2010 He who knows not... Aside from these discussions there are indications that the model existed in similar but different form. Various references can be found to an ancient Oriental proverb which inverts the order of the highest two states: He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool - shun him Unconscious Incompetent He who knows not and knows that he knows not is ignorant - teach him Conscious Incompetent He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep - wake him Unconscious Competent But he who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man - follow him. Conscious Competent This is similar to the Conscious Competence model but not the same. It is expressing a different perspective. 1129

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Gordon Training International as they are now called clearly originated their own version of this model in the early 1970s. However we do not know where and when the conscious competence terminology originated nor the origins of the 2x2 matrix presentation and whether these aspects pre-dated of followed GTIs work. Prochaska and Di Clementes stages of change model Initially developed in the field of personal counselling and clinical therapy during the 1980s and 90s Prochaska and DiClementes personal change methodology is now adapted for various personal therapeutic healthcare and clinical interventions and is also transferable to facilitating personal change in work and management areas especially for developmental situations as distinct from mandatory or disciplinary situations which usually necessarily require a more prescriptive and firmer approach. The Stages of Change model was developed by Prochaska and Di Clemente in association with their motivational interviewing algorithm which is a staged and suggested scripted approach to therapeutic discussion or couselling - entailing key aspects of:  validation of experience and feelings  confirmation of decision-making control with the patient/subject  acknowledgement of the reality of the challenge  clarification of options and implications and  encouragement to progress in small steps  within which an assessment of the other persons readiness to attempt change is crucial. For now heres the basic structure of the Stages of Change model. I intend to present a more detailed interpretation of these ideas in the future meanwhile this is a brief summary. The 1130

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Stages of Change model very sensibly breaks down the dynamics and process of personal change into several steps that we can see as conditional and inter-dependent. Thus we are reminded that meaningful and sustainable personal change cannot be imposed or forced arbitrarily. Successful personal change depends on a careful response to individual situations and perceptions - in which the role of the helper or coach or supervisor or manager or boss whatever is to assess illuminate inform encourage and enable. There are actually some interesting overlaps with aspects of the conscious competence model. The Prochaska and DiClemente stages of change are typically defined as: 1. Pre-contemplation 2. Contemplation 3. Preparation 4. Action 5. Maintenance/Relapse This is a beautifully elegant model in which the steps make complete sense and as importantly the responses and initiatives of the helper/coach are appropriate and pragmatic according to the stage and the individual. One might argue that this states the obvious for any coaching or change-enabling methodology but sometimes the simplest things are not actually so simple to do without a reference of some sort. Prochaska and DiClementes stages of change theory forms the basis of the Transtheoretical Model - a more complex theory to be covered here separately in due course. Solution-focused brief therapy SFT or brief therapy or solution focused coaching A relatively modern methodology growing in popularity. The concept and therapy can be practised one-to-one or self-taught 1131

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and self-applied. The emphasis is strongly on quick forward- looking intervention contrasting with much traditional therapy which looks back and seeks to find problems and causes which for many can become traumatic negative and painstakingly slow not to mention expensive. Instead SFT or Brief Therapy focuses on solutions and change in an individual and pragmatic way. There are clear overlaps with ideas found in NLP and hypnotherapy. STEPPPA also STEPPA The STEPPPA method alternatively STEPPA is represented by the acronym made from Subject Target Emotion Perception Plan Pace Adapt/Act. STEPPPA is a coaching model notably in life-coaching in a business context advocated by expert coach Angus McLeod which is now central to much UK formal accredited life-coaching training. Based partly on NLP Neuro- Linguistic programming principles the STEPPPA process entails: 1. Subject - validating the subject the issue or matter that is the focus of the person being coached coachee 2. Target - validating or helping to establish the specific target or goal of the coachee 3. Emotion - ensure emotional context is addressed and resolved relating to the coachee the issue and the target which if appropriate should be re-evaluated 4. Perception - widen perception and choice in the mind of the coachee 5. Plan - help the coachee establish a clear plan process with steps not choices 6. Pace - and pace timescale and milestones or perhaps a timeline that incorporates both plan and pace 1132

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7. Adapt/Act - review plan adapt if necessary before committing to action. Egans three-stage change model Gerard Egans three-stage change model is used especially in coaching. Essentially for enabling self or another person to: 1. Explore personal history and reflect on opportunities. 2. Explore what personal success would be like suggesting choices through considering results and implications. 3. Decide and proceed with implementation according to what is realistic. More coming. Contributions and expansion welcome. My thanks to Phil Nathan for raising this. Erik eriksons eight stages of human psychosocial development Erik Erikson published his remarkable eight stage theory of human development in the 1950s. It is also referred to as the epigenetic principle in which our passage through eight psychosocial crises influences our growth and personality ideally resulting in a tendency towards the positive possible outcomes at each stage. 1. 0-1 yrs Infant Trust v Mistrust 2. 2-3 Toddler Autonomy v Shame/Doubt 3. 3-6 Preschool Initiative v Guilt 4. 6-12 School Industry v Inferiority 1133

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5. 12-18 Adolescent Identity v Role Confusion 6. 18-30 Young Adult Intimacy relationships v Isolation 7. 30-50 Mid Adult Generativity giving v Stagnation 8. 50+ Late Adult Integrity acceptance v Despair This is a brief summary of the model not a full explanation. Ages ranges vary for different people. Eriksons human development theory is a powerful model for parenting teaching and understanding self and other people young and old. Parallels can be seen with Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Elisabeth kübler-rosss stages of grief In detail on the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle essentially the model explains the stages of personal change related to impending death and dealing with bereavement - and all sorts of other personal traumatic change - as follows: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Elisabeth Kübler-Ross 1969. 1134

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Reynolds model of developing competence The learner passes through stages each prompting a release of energy: 1. help 2. have a go 3. hit and miss 4. sound 5. relative mastery 6. second nature Adapted by James Atherton thank you James. See the wonderful teaching and learning materials on James Athertons websites. Change equation Various interpretations exist. The basic idea is that people will only change when: the combination of the desire for change the vision of the change and the knowledge of the change process is greater than the value of leaving things as they are. This can alternatively be expressed as dissatisfaction + vision + change process the cost of change Managing Complex Change Beckhard and Harris 1987. John fishers process of personal change A more complex model involving positive and negative change options: 1. anxiety can I deal with this change that Im facing - potentially leading negatively to denial 2. happiness somethings going to change 3. fear of imminent personal change 4. threat from reactions of others to the new me - potentially leading to disillusionment 1135

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5. guilt for previous behaviour - potentially leading negatively to depression and thereafter hostility 6. gradual acceptance I can see myself in the future 7. moving forward this can work and be good See the John Fisher Personal Change webpage. See also  Erik Eriksons Psychosocial Theory of Human Development  Howard Gardners Multiple Intelligences Theory and the VAK visual auditory kinesthetic learning styles inventory  Blooms Taxonomy or Learning Domains  Donald Kirkpatricks Learning Evaluation Model  David Kolbs Learning Styles Model  Motivation Process of personal change John Fishers transition curve - the stages of personal transition - and introduction to personal construct psychology Originally presented at the Tenth International Personal Construct Congress Berlin 1999 and subsequently developed in his work on constructivist theory in relation to service provision organisations at Leicester University England John Fishers model of personal change - The Transition Curve - is an excellent analysis of how individuals deal with personal change. This model is an extremely useful reference for individuals dealing with personal change and for managers and organizations helping staff to deal with personal change. 1136

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John Fishers personal transition curve Anxiety The awareness that events lie outside ones range of understanding or control. I believe the problem here is that individuals are unable to adequately picture the future. They do not have enough information to allow them to anticipate behaving in a different way within the new organization. They are unsure how to adequately construe acting in the new work and social situations. Happiness The awareness that ones viewpoint is recognised and shared by others. The impact of this is two-fold. At the basic level there is a feeling of relief that something is going to change and not continue as before. Whether the past is perceived positively or negatively there is still a feeling of anticipation and possibly excitement at the prospect of improvement. On another level there is the satisfaction of knowing that some of your thoughts about the old system were correct generally no matter how well we like the status quo there is something that is unsatisfactory about it and that something is going to be done about it. In this phase we generally expect the best and anticipate a bright future placing our own construct system onto the change and seeing ourselves succeeding. One of the dangers in this phase is that of the inappropriate psychological contract. We may perceive more to the change or believe we will get more from the change than is actually the case. The organization needs to manage this phase and ensure unrealistic expectations are managed and redefined in the organizations terms without alienating the individual. 1137

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Fear The awareness of an imminent incidental change in ones core behavioural system. People will need to act in a different manner and this will have an impact on both their self-perception and on how others externally see them. However in the main they see little change in their normal interactions and believe they will be operating in much the same way merely choosing a more appropriate but new action. Threat The awareness of an imminent comprehensive change in ones core behavioural structures. Here clients perceive a major lifestyle change one that will radically alter their future choices and other peoples perception of them. They are unsure as to how they will be able to act/react in what is potentially a totally new and alien environment - one where the "old rules" no longer apply and there are no "new" ones established as yet. Guilt Awareness of dislodgement of self from ones core self perception. Once the individual begins exploring their self- perception how they acted/reacted in the past and looking at alternative interpretations they begin to re-define their sense of self. This generally involves identifying what are their core beliefs and how closely they have been to meeting them. Recognition of the inappropriateness of their previous actions and the implications for them as people can cause guilt as they realise the impact of their behaviour. Depression This phase is characterised by a general lack of motivation and confusion. Individuals are uncertain as to what the future holds and how they can fit into the future "world". Their representations are inappropriate and the resultant 1138

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undermining of their core sense of self leaves them adrift with no sense of identity and no clear vision of how to operate. Disillusionment The awareness that your values beliefs and goals are incompatible with those of the organization. The pitfalls associated with this phase are that the employee becomes unmotivated unfocused and increasingly dissatisfied and gradually withdraws their labour either mentally by just "going through the motions" doing the bare minimum actively undermining the change by criticising/complaining or physically by resigning. Hostility Continued effort to validate social predictions that have already proved to be a failure. The problem here is that individuals continue to operate processes that have repeatedly failed to achieve a successful outcome and are no longer part of the new process or are surplus to the new way of working. The new processes are ignored at best and actively undermined at worst. Denial This stage is defined by a lack of acceptance of any change and denies that there will be any impact on the individual. People keep acting as if the change has not happened using old practices and processes and ignoring evidence or information contrary to their belief systems. It can be seen from the transition curve that it is important for an individual to understand the impact that the change will have on their own personal construct systems and for them to be able to work through the implications for their self perception. Any change no matter how small has the potential to impact on an individual and may generate conflict between existing values and beliefs and anticipated altered ones. 1139

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One danger for the individual team and organization occurs when an individual persists in operating a set of practices that have been consistently shown to fail or result in an undesirable consequence in the past and that do not help extend and elaborate their world-view. Another danger area is that of denial where people maintain operating as they always have denying that there is any change at all. Both of these can have detrimental impact on an organization trying to change the culture and focus of its people. John M Fisher 2000 updated 2003 disillusionment stage added. References: The Person In Society: Challenges To A Constructivist Theory Geissen Psychosozial-Verlag and George Kellys Personal Construct Psychology Theories. In detailing John Fishers Transition Curve here it is appropriate to acknowledge the quite separate and independent work of Ralph Lewis and Chris Parker who described a change concept also called Transition Curve in their paper Beyond The Peter Principle - Managing Successful Transitions published in the Journal of European Industrial Training 1981. The Lewis-Parker Transition Curve model approaches personal change from a different perspective to the Fisher model and is represented in a seven stage graph based on original work by Adams Hayes and Hopson in their 1976 book Transition Understanding and Managing Personal Change. The Lewis-Parker Transition Curve seven stages are summarised as follows: 1. Immobilisation - Shock. Overwhelmed mismatch: expectations v reality. 2. Denial of Change - Temporary retreat. False competence. 3. Incompetence - Awareness and frustration. 4. Acceptance of Reality - Letting go. 1140

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5. Testing - New ways to deal with new reality. 6. Search for Meaning - Internalisation and seeking to understand. 7. Integration - Incorporation of meanings within behaviours. The Lewis-Parker Transition Curve contains interesting parallels at certain stages with the Conscious Competence learning model which is another helpful perspective for understanding change and personal development. John Fishers personal change model - questions and answers Here are some helpful questions and answers which John Fisher provided regarding his personal change Transition Curve model which is described above and featured on the diagrams linked from this page: 1 How do we recognize what phases we are in Part of the problem is that we do not recognise which element of the curve we may be in. The goal of the manager/change agent is to help make the transition as effective and painless as possible. By providing education information support etc. we can help people transition through the curve and emerge on the other side. One of the dangers is that once we are caught up in the emotion of the change we may miss the signs of threat anxiety etc. and react/cope by complaining or attempting to make things as they were and also increase our stress levels as a result. 2 Does everyone go through all the 9 phases or will there be people who will say begin their personal transition from the depression stage instead of the anxiety stage I would argue that we transit through all stages although the old caveat of some of these stages may be extremely quickly traversed and not consciously recognisable applies. In the main the theory proposed a linear transition and each stage builds on 1141

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the last so we can see our perception escalating in severity/importance as we go into the trough of depression via a small impact on our sense of self anxiety through a greater realisation of impact/meaning fear threat and then an understanding that potentially our core sense of self has been impacted and our self belief system undermined to an extent guilt depression. Now if someone is going through multiple transitions at the same time these could have a cumulative impact and people could go through the initial stages almost simultaneously - it then becomes a case of more evidence/information supporting previous negative self image and compounding the impression. 3 Is it possible that some people might skip some phases as in after the anxiety phase they go on to the fear phase instead of the happiness phase The happiness phase is one of the more interesting phases and may be almost passed through without knowing. In this phase it is the "Thank Goodness something is happening at last" feeling coupled with the knowledge that we may be able to have an impact or take control of our destiny and that if we are lucky/involved/contribute things can only get better. If we can start interventions at this stage we can minimise the impact of the rest of the curve and virtually flatten the curve. By involving informing getting buy in at this time we can help people move through the process. 4 Do the phases take place in the particular order that you have published I have not undertaken any structured experimental research per se however anecdotal and participant observation would imply that this is a fairly robust model. It is also partially based on Elisabeth Kübler-Rosss bereavement concept five stages of grief model which has widespread acceptance. However... 1142

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5 How does the transition take place For instance suppose I know that I am in the anxiety phase. So when does it transit into the next one that is the happiness phase As with question 1 it is more a case of helping people through the process as effectively as possible. Also each person will experience transition through the curve at slightly different speeds and we may be at different places on different curves - depending on just what is happening to us at the time. As above much of the speed of transition will depend on the individuals self perception locus of control and other past experiences and how these all combine to create their anticipation of future events. Much of the transition is done subconsciously. It may not be initially noticeable and only becomes clear if we look back and reflect on our situation. If we do adopt an introspective approach and recognise where we are in the process our reaction will depend on our personal style of interacting with our environment and how proactive we feel we can be at seeking out support or leaving the organisation as appropriate. Obviously should we feel disempowered this may well cause us to descend further down the slide into a deeper depression reinforced by our perceived helplessness and all the implications associated with that. John Fisher 2006 1143

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Personal Construct Psychology - an introduction Personal Construct Psychology PCP or Personal Construct Theory - PCT is a concept pioneered by George Kelly. Personal Construct Psychology theory proposes that we must understand how the other person sees their world and what meaning they attribute to things in order to effectively communicate and connect with them. Personal Construct Psychology theory is extremely relevant to developing personal emotional maturity and self-awareness in self and others and for understanding behaviour in others and as such the concepts of Personal Construct Psychology augment and support many of the behavioural models and methodologies explained on this website. Personal Construct Psychology theory provides a very useful and accessible additional perspective to the world and how we relate to it. This article was written by John Fisher and Dr David Savage. It first appeared in Fisher and Savage eds 1999 Beyond Experimentation Into Meaning EPCA Publications Farnborough. Permission to reprint this article here is gratefully acknowledged. Personal Construct Psychology PCP is a psychology that places the individual at its central focal point. It is based on understanding the individual from within their own world view - that is by understanding how they see the world not how we interpret their picture of the world. We all interact with the world from a unique perspective - our own this interaction is built up of all our past and potential future experiences and dictates how we approach situations. Psychological theory generally purports that we observe other peoples behaviours and actions and place our own interpretations on them attributing meaning based on our own 1144

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past childhood experiences. Personal Construct Psychology is a more liberating theory allowing the individual to develop and grow throughout their life constantly observing assimilating developing actions/reactions experimenting and testing beliefs. Kelly 1955/1991 used the phrase man the scientist sic to explain how we interact with our world. Due to the constantly changing nature of our nature we are not the victim of our biography and have the choice although sometimes it may not appear as such to adopt a new way of interacting. How we interact with others is the result of our past experiences and an assessment of the current situation which is then mapped onto possible alternative courses of action we then chose that course of action which we think will best suit our needs. Kelly 1955/91 proposed that we are all scientists - by this he meant that we are constantly experimenting with our world generating hypothesis about what will happen acting and testing the resulting outcome against our prediction. It can be seen from this that our behaviours are not static. We do not become the adult during childhood nor are we forever condemned to sail the seven seas like the Flying Dutchman making the same mistakes. Personal Construct Psychology is a very free and empowering psychology. We are not seen as victims of circumstance we have the power to change and grow. We are only limited in our vision of ourselves and our future by our own internal blinkers - these limit the possible futures we can see for ourselves and hence restrict our ability to develop. One of the fundamental tenets of PCP is that of Constructive Alternativism. In simple terms this means that there are as many different interpretations of any situation and possible future outcomes as we can think of - how many different uses can you think of for a paper clip Our collection of experiences and actions form the basis of our mental map or logic bubble of the world. In PCP terms the 1145

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working tools of our mental map are known as Constructs. A construct is simply a way of differentiating between objects. Each construct can be equated to a line connecting two points. These two points or poles each have a different label identifying the opposite extremes of the construct. Based on our perceptions of other peoples behaviour we can then place them somewhere on the scale between the two poles and hence build our mental map of the world. We also place ourselves along these same dimensions and use them as a guide to choosing not only our behaviours but also our friends etc. As a result of our experimenting we are constantly assessing our constructs for their level of fit in our world. This results in either a validation of the construct or an invalidation of and hence potential change to our constructs. Problems occur when we consistently try to use invalidated constructs in our interactions. For example we might define people by the way they act in company and decide that some people are extravert and others introvert other constructs may be physical e.g. tall or small fat or thin. Objects can fall into more than one category so we can have small thin extroverted people. Within Klienian psychology one example of a construct would be Good Breast/Bad Breast. One point here the opposite of introvert may not be extravert for some people it could be loud or aggressive. Hence just because we associate one with another doesnt mean everybody does. This is why we need some understanding of other peoples construct system to be able to effectively communicate with them. To be able to interact with each other we need to have some understanding of how the other person perceives their world. What do they mean when they call someone extroverted are they the life and soul of the party or are they loud and over bearing How we and they treat the extrovert depends on whether it is viewed it as a positive or negative character trait. 1146

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Kelly defined his theory in a formal structured way by devising what he called his fundamental postulate - basically a posh term for the statement which underpins the whole of Personal Construct Psychology. A further eleven corollaries or clarifying statements were also developed which extended the theory and added more elaboration to how the theory impacts and is used. These eleven have over time been expanded and added to as the range of the theory has been developed e.g. see Dallos 1991 Procter 1981 Balnaves and Caputi 1993. In fairness it must be said that these additions have not been universally acclaimed and many people only recognise the original eleven. You may have got the impression that Personal Construct Psychology is very individual focused - which it is - and that it has nothing to offer in terms of group development. The principles of Personal Construct Psychology can be applied to individuals groups and culture with equal ease. Various books and papers have been published exploring the nomothetic aspects of Personal Construct Psychology e.g. Balnaves and Caputi 1993 Kalekin-Fishman and Walker 1996. Te fundamental postulate and the eleven corollaries The Fundamental Postulate states that "A persons processes are psychologically channellised by the ways in which they anticipate events". My interpretation of this is that our expectations dictate our choice of action. The Construction corollary - "A person anticipates events by construing their replication". Again I interpret this as meaning that we approach the future by looking at similar past experiences and basing our actions on those previous events. The Experience corollary - "A persons construct system varies as they successively construe the replication of events". I take this to imply that our construct system is in a state of constant change based on our experiences. 1147

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The Individuality corollary - "People differ from each other in their construction of events". We all see things differently. The Choice corollary - "People choose for themselves that alternative in a dichotomised construct through which they anticipate the greater possibility for the elaboration of their system". Therefore in my opinion we choose that alternative which gives us the best chance of extending and confirming our construct system. The Sociality corollary - "To the extent that one person construes the construction process of another they may play a role in a social process involving the other person". If we understand where someone is coming from we can interact with them in a productive meaningful manner. The Commonality corollary - "To the extent that one person employs a construction of experience which is similar to that employed by another their processes are psychologically similar to of the other person". i.e. Great minds think alike. The Organisational corollary - "Each person characteristically evolves for their convenience in anticipating events a construction system embracing ordinal relationships between constructs". This I take to mean that we create a hierarchical construct system. The Dichotomy corollary - "A persons construction system is composed of a finite number of dichotomous constructs". Dichotomous in this sense means divided and potentially opposing and contradictory. The Range corollary - "A construct is convenient for the anticipation of a finite range of events only". Some constructs are applicable to certain things and not others e.g. a car may be fast sporty and sexy but an apple may not be. The Modulation corollary - "The variation in a persons construction system is limited by the permeability of the 1148

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constructs within whose range of convenience the variants lie". By this I understand that our construct system is only as flexible as we allow it to be. If our constructs are open to suggestion then so will we. The Fragmentation corollary - "A person may successively employ a variety of construction systems which are inferentially incompatible with each other". In other words we can hold contradictory constructs at the same time. Constructs in use Constructs form the building blocks of our personality and as such come in various shapes and sizes. From the Organisation corollary it follows that some constructs are more important than others. The most important constructs are those which are core to our sense of being. These are very resistant to change and include things like moral code religious beliefs etc. and cause significant psychological impact if they are threatened in any way. The other constructs are called peripheral constructs and a change to them does not have the same impact. It also follows that some constructs will actually subsume other constructs as we move up the hierarchy. Categories of constructs come in three types. There are pre- emptive constructs these are constructs which are applied in an all or nothing way. If this is a ball then it is nothing else but a ball - very black and white type of thinking. The second type is constellatory constructs. These constructs are the stereotyping constructs - if this is a ball then it must be round made of leather and used in football matches. Constructs in this category bring a lot of ancillary baggage with them be it right or wrong. The last type of construct category is propositional. This one carries no implications or additional labels and is the most open form of construct. It should be noted that constructs do not have to have words attached to them. We can and do have constructs which were either formed before we could speak or which has a non 1149

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verbal symbol identifying it. Something like the gut feeling or it feels right would be a non verbal construct. Kelly originally called these preverbal constructs but in line with others notably Tom Ravenette 1997 I prefer the term non verbal. Constructs themselves can be either Loose or Tight. A loose construct is one which may or may not lead to the same behaviour every time. Obviously this can make life difficult for others as they will be unable to predict the construers actions consistently. A tight construct on the other hand always leads to the same behaviour. These people are those with regular habits and firmly held views. Our creativity is helped by moving from loose to tight constructs. We start off with loose constructs trying things out for size seeing what works and what doesnt as we move towards the new we tighten up our construing narrowing down our experimentation and so we begin making clearer associations and developing more clearly the new. One way of loosening our constructs is via play and imagination. By using play as an experiment we can safely try out new things. The CPC cycle directs our method of choosing. The CPC cycle consists of Circumspection Pre-emption and Control. This is basically a form of Review Plan Do. Initially we review the alternatives open to us circumspection narrow down the choice to one and devise a plan of action pre-empt finally you exercise control and do something. The cycle continues as every action leads to both a review of the success of that action as well as opening new choices. One of the criticisms levelled at Personal Construct Psychology unfairly in my view is that it does not deal with emotions. This myth has been effectively address by others e.g. Fransella 1995 McCoy 1977. Kelly uses different terms to deal with emotions. He sees emotions as transitional stages. For example threat is defined as the awareness of an imminent comprehensive change in ones core structure fear is an incidental change in ones core 1150

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constructs. One example of threat can be seen in the way which people of different belief systems are treated by the dominant religion - the persecution of the Cathars during the middle ages because they threatened the societal structure. One feels guilt when one has done something which is contrary to ones core constructs. Someone who sees themselves as an honest upright citizen would feel guilt if caught in some dishonest act even unwittingly. Happiness and joy are seen as support to peripheral and core constructs. Think about how happy you feel when you do something right or are complimented on something. Tools and techniques Personal Construct Psychology has a wide variety of tools and techniques at its disposal. Probably the most widely used is the Repertory Grid. This is a method of eliciting constructs by asking participants to compare three elements objects things etc. and state how two are similar and different from the third. Answers are recorded in a matrix which can then be analysed to produce a construct map. This has been used for research into a wide range of issues from business problems to psychotherapeutic interventions some examples of the latter can be found in various chapters within this book. The Rep Grid as it is known has a wide following and can be used without any other PCP theory and has been. There are many variations of Rep Grids including those looking at resistance to change as well as implications grids and problem solving for a more comprehensive review of grids I would suggest Beail 1985 Fransella and Bannister 1997 Stewart Stewart 1981. The Rep Grid can be compared to a hard measure eliciting as it does quantifiable data. There are however a lot of softer more touchy feely construct elicitation techniques available. One of the more popular is the Self Characterisation. In this the client has to write a character sketch of themselves in the third person 1151

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and from a sympathetic viewpoint. This can then be assessed for recurring themes and constructs these can be discussed with the individual concerned. Once constructs have been elicited their hierarchy and interlinking can be found by laddering and pyramiding. The former takes one upwards towards the highest core constructs whilst the latter provides a detailed map of a persons lower level construct map in any particular area. By asking questions like "which is more important a or b" and then asking why questions one can ladder quite quickly and easily. Pyramiding on the other hand requires questions like "what kind of person does y" "How does that/they differ from x" this process allows the client to narrow down their definitions and arrive at the lower level constructs. This exercise does require a reasonable sized piece of paper to record all the answers and provide a sensible construct map. One powerful tool for understanding why people are not willing to change is the ABC technique Tschudi 1977. Here A is the desired change with constructs B1 and B2 elicited. B1 being the disadvantages about the present state and B2 the advantages about moving to the new state. However it is possible if not probable that the current situation has some advantages which may outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore C1 are constructs which show the negative side of moving whilst C2 are the positive aspects of staying the same. But by looking at the pay- offs for not changing we can identify the barriers and put measures in place to overcome them if necessary. Kelly also proposed a form of dramatherapy for use with clients. In his version which he called Fixed Role Therapy in conjunction with the client he drew up a new persona including a new name and history and encouraged the client to act as if they were this new person. This allowed the client to try out new ways of looking at the world in a safe environment if it 1152

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didnt work they just became themselves again. Hypnotherapy has also been used to loosen and tighten constructs. personal construct theory - conclusion I hope that this brief introduction to Personal Construct Psychology has shown some of the breadth and depth of PCP. Far from being a static restrictive psychology that only perceives people as having finished growing at the end of childhood or merely reacting to external stimulation it is an extremely liberating and eclectic psychology. Ownership of ones future is placed in the hands of the individual concerned. Personal Construct Psychology theory references Balnaves M. Caputi P. 1993 Corporate Constructs To what Extent are Personal Constructs Personal International Journal of Personal Construct Psychology 6 2 p119 - 138 Beail N. ed 1985 Repertory Grid technique and Personal Constructs Croom Helm Dallos R. 1991 Family Belief Systems Therapy and Change Open University Press Milton Keynes Fransella F. 1995 George Kelly Sage London Fransella F. and Bannister D. 1977 A Manual for Repertory Grid Technique Academic Press London Kalekin-Fishman D. Walker B. eds 1996 The Construction of Group Realities: Culture Society and Personal Construct Theory Krieger Malabar Kelly G.A. 1955/1991 The Psychology of Personal Constructs Routledge London McCoy M. M. 1977 A Reconstruction of Emotion in Bannister D ed Issues and Approaches in Personal Construct Theory Academic Press London 1153

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Procter H. 1981 Family Construct Psychology in Walrond- Skinner S ed Family Therapy and Approaches Routledge and Kegan Paul London Ravenette T 1977 Selected papers: Personal construct Psychology and the practice of an Educational psychologist EPCA Publications Farnborough Stewart V. Stewart A. 1981 Business Applications of Repertory Grid Technique McGraw Hill Tschudi F. 1977 Loaded and Honest Questions in Bannister D ed New Perspectives in Personal Construct Theory Academic Press London 1154

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4.14 RELAPSE PREVENTION Relapse is a common experience when people change habits. Relapse Prevention is about revealing and resolving those issues that has been sabotaging your progress or recovery process. Relapse can encompass behavior or drug addiction. After changin one habit or recovering from one addiction people are at risk to become cross addicted or dually addicted to sex gambling work caffeine food you name it. We call this changing seats on the titanic. Or they recovery become plagued with depression or anxiety. The true goal of going to a change process or recovering from a bad attitude habit or addiction is to be comfortable in your own skin living life peacefully. Relapse Prevention is about assisting the coachee in revealing and resolving those issues that drove them to the wrong choices. Relapse prevention will give them the freedom from bondage to live peacefully in their own skin. Relapse Prevention Coaching includes:  False Beliefs – Research evidence indicates that major predictors of relapse risk are belief systems consistent with negative models ‘I’m too weak to change’ and the absence of coping skills.  What you do comes out of your beliefs about yourself others and God. In order to have a new life not just a change of destructive behavior you must examine your current belief systems.  Identity - Begin to identify and detach from unhealthy things youve put your faith in and used to cope with life. You will learn how these things have under-mind your attempts at 1155

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success. You will discover areas of false identity that are based on false gods or idols such as alcohol/drugs food sex money beauty work anger judgment etc.  Life-Management Skills – You will begin to understand the addictive brain and gain life-management skills for coping with the emotions that contribute to relapse.  Dead Ends – You begin to learn and understand how your subconscious thoughts feelings and behaviors have contributed to your relapse.  Deja-Vu – You will begin to see how double binds damned if you do and damned if you dont have kept you from making the right choices for recovery.  Accountability – You will create a personal support and accountability team for your balanced recovery plan.  Exodus - Through prayer and forgiveness you will resolve past hurts and mistakes empowering you to begin to walk into a new life of full recovery. This process deals with acceptance of a new life and release of the guilt and shame associated with the old addictive/compulsive behaviors. The following strategies are useful in preventing and managing relapse: - enhance commitment to change e.g. use motivational interviewing - identify high-risk situations e.g. What situations - have been associated with relapse in the past When is it most difficult for coachee to keep to the agreements made - teach coping skills e.g. problem solving social skills self- management skills selfmonitoring … - develop strategies that can be part of a relapse drill - what should the coachee do in the event of a lapse occurring 1156

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- where can they get support - what role can friends/family provide - How soon should the coachee make an appointment to come back to you Source: Tammy Hardin - http://emotionalandaddictionrecovery.com/relapse-prevention- coaching 1157

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4.15 BRAINSTORMING Brainstorming http://www.businessballs.com/kaleidoscopebrainstorming.htm Brainstorming technique for problem-solving team-building and creative process Brainstorming with a group of people is a powerful technique. Brainstorming creates new ideas solves problems motivates and develops teams. Brainstorming motivates because it involves members of a team in bigger management issues and it gets a team working together. However brainstorming is not simply a random activity. Brainstorming needs to be structured and it follows brainstorming rules. The brainstorming process is described below for which you will need a flip-chart or alternative. This is crucial as Brainstorming needs to involve the team which means that everyone must be able to see whats happening. Brainstorming places a significant burden on the facilitator to manage the process peoples involvement and sensitivities and then to manage the follow up actions. Use Brainstorming well and you will see excellent results in improving the organization performance and developing the team. N.B. There has been some discussion in recent years - much of it plainly daft - that the term brainstorming might be political incorrect by virtue of possible perceived reference to brain- related health issues. It was suggested by some that the alternative but less than catchy thought-showers should be used instead which presumably was not considered to be offensive to raindrops this is serious…. Happily recent research among relevant groups has dispelled this non-pc notion and we can continue to use the brainstorming expression without fear of ending up in the law courts… 1158

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The Brainstorming process 1. Define and agree the objective. 2. Brainstorm ideas and suggestions having agreed a time limit. 3. Categorise/condense/combine/refine. 4. Assess/analyse effects or results. 5. Prioritise options/rank list as appropriate. 6. Agree action and timescale. 7. Control and monitor follow-up. The Brainstorming Phases Explained 1. Orientation Define the problem to be studied for the participants clarify the rules of the game. 2. Preparation Gather data and information necessary to approach the problem in an efficient manner. 3. Warm-up Carry -out the exercise: redefine a problem different from the one to be studied experiment with it for a few minutes. 4. Production of ideas Generate the maximum of ideas without prior judgement – always ask “what else” - quantity of ideas is quality - no limits – no criticise - modify other’s ideas to produce new ones. 5. Incubation Let the subconscious work. 6. Syntheses Gather the ideas generated - analyse them - work with logical thinking. 7. Evaluation Evaluate the ideas gathered and analysed - develop and combine them before proceeding to put them in practice. 1159

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Source: European Commission Innovation Management Techniques in Operation European Commission DG XIII Luxembourg 1998. In other words …. Plan and agree the brainstorming aim Ensure everyone participating in the brainstorm session understands and agrees the aim of the session eg to formulate a new job description for a customer services clerk to formulate a series of new promotional activities for the next trading year to suggest ways of improving cooperation between the sales and service departments to identify costs saving opportunities that will not reduce performance or morale etc. Keep the brainstorming objective simple. Allocate a time limit. This will enable you to keep the random brainstorming activity under control and on track. Manage the actual brainstorming activity Brainstorming enables people to suggest ideas at random. Your job as facilitator is to encourage everyone to participate to dismiss nothing and to prevent others from pouring scorn on the wilder suggestions some of the best ideas are initially the daftest ones - added to which people wont participate if their suggestions are criticised. During the random collection of ideas the facilitator must record every suggestion on the flip-chart. Use Blu-Tack or sticky tape to hang the sheets around the walls. At the end of the time limit or when ideas have been exhausted use different coloured pens to categorise group connect and link the random ideas. Condense and refine the ideas by making new headings or lists. You can diplomatically combine or include the weaker ideas within other themes to avoid dismissing or rejecting contributions remember brainstorming is about team building and motivation too - you dont want it to have the reverse effect on some people. With the group assess evaluate 1160

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and analyse the effects and validity of the ideas or the list. Develop and prioritise the ideas into a more finished list or set of actions or options. Implement the actions agreed from the brainstorming Agree what the next actions will be. Agree a timescale whos responsible. After the session circulate notes monitor and give feedback. Its crucial to develop a clear and positive outcome so that people feel their effort and contribution was worthwhile. When people see that their efforts have resulted in action and change they will be motivated and keen to help again. Personal brainstorming For creativity planning presentations decision-making and organizing your ideas Personal brainstorming - just by yourself - is very useful for the start of any new project especially if you can be prone to put things off until tomorrow. Planning a new venture a presentation or any new initiative is generally much easier if you begin simply by thinking of ideas - in no particular order or structure - and jotting them down on a sheet of paper or in a notebook. Basically this is personal brainstorming and it can follow the same process as described above for groups except that its just you doing it. Sometimes its very difficult to begin planning something new - because you dont know where and how to start. Brainstoming is a great way to begin. The method also generates lots of possibilities which you might otherwise miss by getting into detailed structured planning too early. 1161

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A really useful tool for personal brainstorming - and note-taking generally - is the wonderful Bic 4-colour ballpen. The pen enables you quickly to switch colours between red blue black and green without having to walk around with a pocket- full of biros. Using different colours in your creative jottings and written records helps you to make your notes and diagrams clearer and dramatically increases the ways in which you can develop and refine your ideas and notes on paper. To prove the point review some previous notes in black or blue ink using a red pen - see how you can organize/connect the content still keeping it all clear and legible. This simple pen is therefore a brilliant tool for organizing your thoughts on paper much more clearly and creatively than by being limited to a single colour - especially if you think in visual terms and find diagrams helpful. For example using different colours enables you to identify and link common items within a random list or to show patterns and categories or to over-write notes without making a confusing mess and generally to generate far more value from your thoughts and ideas. Keeping connected notes and ideas on a single sheet of paper greatly helps the brain to absorb and develop them. Try it - youll be surprised how much more useful your notes become. The principle is the same as using different colours of marker pens on a flip-chart. Other manufacturers produce similar pens but the Bic is reliable widely available and very inexpensive. The usefulness of different colours in written notes is further illustrated in a wider organizational sense in the UK health 1162

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industry. Apparently black is the standard colour green is used by pharmacy services red is used after death and for allergies and blue tends to be avoided due to poorer reprographic qualities thanks M Belcher. Additionally I am informed thanks T Kalota Oct 2008 of a useful brainstorming/organizing technique using coloured pens when reviewing a written specification or potentially any set of notes for a design or plan. Underline or circle the words according to the following: nouns/people/things black entities verbs doing/functional words red relationships adjectives/adverbs describing words blue attributes This technique was apparently used for clarifying written specifications or notes for a database design and was termed extended relational architecture advocated by a company of the same name at one time. This method of colour-coding notes using underlines or circles or boxes to help clarification/prioritization/organization/etc can itself naturally be extended and adapted for example: 1163

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nouns/people/things black entities verbs doing/functional words red relationships adjectives describing a noun/thing/etc blue attributes adverbs describing a verb/function green degrees/range/etc timings/costs/quantities yellow measures The colours and categories are not a fixed industry standard. Its an entirely flexible technique. You can use any colours you want and devise your own coding structures to suit the situation. In relation to the group brainstorming process above see also the guidelines for running workshops. Workshops provide good situations for group brainstorming and brainstorming helps to make workshops more productive motivational and successful. To create more structured brainstorming activities which illustrate or address particular themes methods media etc. there is a helpful set of reference points on the team building games section. Unless you have special reasons for omitting control factors ensure you retain the the essence of the rules above especially defining the task stating clear timings organising participants and materials and managing the review and follow-up. 1164

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Kaleidoscope brainstorming process advanced brainstorming technique for problem-solving team-building and creative process Brainstorming is a powerful technique for problem-solving learning and development planning and team building. Brainstorming creates new ideas motivates and develops teams because it involves team members in bigger management issues and it gets the brainstorming participants working together. Brainstorming is not a random activity it follows a process. See the process for basic brainstorming. Below is an more innovative advanced method of brainstorming - called Silent Brainstorming or Kaleidoscope Brainstorming - developed by Dr KRS Murthy of Nisvara Inc and the contribution of this model is gratefully acknowledged. Dr Murthy also refers to the brainstorming technique as Multiple Mind Conferencing. Kaleidoscope Brainstorming Dr Murthy suggests not only produces vastly more ideas than conventional brainstorming but also acts at a deep level to build teams and harmonious work groups. As with the basic brainstorming process the facilitator has a big responsibility to manage the activity peoples involvement and sensitivities and then to manage the follow up actions. Use Brainstorming well and you will see excellent results in improving the organization performance and developing the team. It is useful to review the Johari Window concept and Johari model diagram along with this article and when using the process. This is because much of the value of this concept lies in developing awareness of self others and what others think of oneself. 1165

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Kaleidoscope brainstorming technique Have you attended any brain storming sessions in your life The sessions are normally run by a facilitator who introduces the purpose of the session to the participants explains the ground rules and coordinates the process. A note taker or scribe may be used to document all the ideas generated in the session. Generally the session is open to any ideas. Important guideline is that no idea is too simple stupid or wild. Kaleidoscope advanced brainstorming techniques are applicable to any subject or situation and any type of forum where people can work as a group including internet-based conferencing and communications. This is a new approach to the brainstorming process including different variations as to its use. Dr Murthy regards Kaleidoscope Brainstorming KBS or Multiple Mind Conferencing MMC as a "...Romantic interplay between silence and interaction.... a heavenly marriage of thesis and antithesis.." The process makes efficient use of silence and communication which are interleaved in the brainstorming session. The various degrees and modes of silence and communication effectively use as tools in the Kaleidoscope brainstorming approach. Notably the power of silence is used to supplement the communications- oriented parts of the session. The technique may seem anti-thematic at the first glance. However the intention is to make the brainstorming process more holistic by exploiting the different modes and degrees of silence absence of communication and a variety of communication and interaction. 1166

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The kaleidoscope brainstorming process 1 - Initial ideas generation brainstorming session The session should start with a facilitator detailing the process steps used for the particular session. The session is conducted in a normal fashion with the participants speaking out their ideas in a round robin or random fashion for an agreed period. The facilitator can use any normal brainstorming format for this session. It is a good idea to use a format that is comfortable for the facilitator and the participants. See the example of a standard brainstorming session if youve not done so already. 2 - Silent brainstorming session The silent brainstorming session stage requires all team members or participants to stop talking and to think of ideas but not speak out. The facilitator can ring a bell or use another method to indicate the start and end of this part of the exercise. Ideas are to written down by each brainstorming participant. In addition the participants must guess the ideas that others may be thinking and writing down. Ideally participants should guess the ideas of the other participants for each person one after the other. For example if the participants are A B C D E F and G then A would not only write his or her her ideas but also afterwards guess what B C D E F and G may have as their ideas. Participants should do this using deep thinking and base their guesses on the manner that other participants answered during the first speaking part of the session. Participants should be encouraged to think how each of the other participants minds are working - to empathise to put themselves in the other persons shoes - as a method of guessing as intuitively and accurately as possible. Think how the other person will be thinking is the sort of guidance that the facilitator can give. At this stage whats happening is that each participant is coming up with ideas from their own perspective of how each of the 1167

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other participants is thinking. All participants work on this stage of the session at the same time. You can imagine the multiplicity of ideas and perspectives that this stage produces. Each participant should logically end up with a list of ideas alongside or below the names of each participant including themselves. After a reasonable period when it is clear that participants have completed their lists the facilitator can ring the bell again indicating the end of the silent brainstorming stage. 3 - Presentation of brainstorming ideas session In this session each of of the delegates reads out or shows their own ideas and also their best guesses of the ideas for others. The presentation made by A would look like the following: 1. Ideas generated by A 2. Guess of ideas of B 3. Guess of ideas of C 4. Guess of ideas of D 5. Guess of ideas of E 6. Guess of ideas of F 7. Guess of ideas of G During As presentation others simply listen. In turn each delegate gives a similar presentation. It is best if there is no discussion during the presentations. The facilitator should encourage delegates to make notes which people can raise later. 4 - Discussion of brainstorming ideas session The presentations are followed by a detailed discussion session. In this session the participants may discuss why and how they guessed about others. Each participant can also comment on the guesses of the other participants and validate or clarify. The highlights and conclusions resulting from discussion should be noted by the facilitator or an appointed scribe. The individual 1168

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participants can be encouraged also make their own notes which might for example contain their mental models and appropriate revisions of the creative thinking process of others. In this sense the activity helps open hidden areas of awareness self and others which in turn promotes better understanding relationships communications team-building and co-operation. See and refer to the Johari Window to help explain these benefits. 5 - Further silent and speaking sessions - the kaleidoscope effect Further sessions can repeat and extend the silent session so that participants increase the depth and complexity of their thinking still more. Specifically participants should now think about and guess how other delegates are thinking about the ideas of of others. This again is done silently together. Each delegate will be thinking in deeper levels about each of the other participants thinking. These complexities of thinking result for example:  A is thinking and noting down of any of his/her own new ideas  A is also as in stage 4 thinking afresh about and noting down any thoughts as to what B C D E F and G are thinking  and A is now additionally thinking of what B is thinking of A C D E F and G plus what C is thinking of A B D E F and G and so on. Obviously the exercise at this stage has expanded massively. From a simple individual brainstorming activity involving say seven people and seven sets of personal ideas seven perspectives the session has expanded to entail seven people each considering six other peoples thoughts about the ideas of six other peoples ideas thats 242 perspectives. Clearly it is not reasonable to expect delegates to formulate 242 lists so it is useful to place certain limits on peoples activities which can include for example: 1169

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 allowing delegates to leave blanks against certain delegates names  limiting the number of ideas required to be guessed for each delegate  stating a maximum number of perspectives  allocating responsibility to each delegate to think about certain named delegates  and in any event giving a time limit for each stage of the activity As with any team building or team working activity the facilitator needs to be able to assess progress and to adapt adjust and give clarifying or steadying guidelines during the activity to maintain the groups focus and effectiveness. At the fifth stage all participants will in their own way be thinking in a highly complex fashion. The participants minds are acting as mirrors creating multiple reflections of each other rather like the few small objects inside a kaleidoscope creating wonderful arrays and patterns. Hence the Kaleidoscope Brainstorming description. It is easy to imagine how using this process the number of ideas generated are many times more than when using normal brainstorming techniques. Dr Murthy reports that typically after a number of Kaleidoscope Brainstorming sessions a group experiences an asymptotic approximation of their thinking process. Asymptotic refers to the asymptotic effect whereby two or more things increasingly converge as if to become joined and together but never actually join or become one. He says this is enabled by successive convergence and cross-fertilization among a group or team of each members thinking process thoughts and ideas. He adds interestingly that groups ultimately do not need to be talking to 1170

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each other for their minds to be conferencing with each other. In fact they can be as far geographically apart as they need to be for their routine life but still efficiently conferencing and in tune with each other. Dr Murthy adds: "The most important aspect is the discipline developed by the silent brainstorming paradigm. Regular teams or virtual teams can be brought together to practice this technique. It is a good idea for the team members to branch out and form new groups with new members to extend the practice. It is also a good idea to have new members or visitors to the Kaleidoscope Brainstorming team inducted routinely. Diversity of backgrounds is the key to freshness of ideas. True diversity in gender age ethnic background educational levels race and personality types will ensure Brainstorming teams and activities are kept as fertile as possible. It is like any ecological system. Stability of a Kaleidoscope Brainstorming team ecology is good but as well aberrations and perturbations can guarantee long- term growth." To create more structured brainstorming activities which illustrate or address particular themes methods media etc. there is a helpful set of reference points on the team building games section. Unless you have special reasons for omitting control factors ensure you retain the the essence of the rules above especially defining the task stating clear timings organising participants and materials and managing the review and follow-up. 1. Set directions. Describe the situation and define the problem. 2. Help people to understand the problem to be solved and clarify the objectives. Focus on productive objectives and keep group on track. 1171

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3. Involve everyone. Encourage everyone to contribute. Control dominating participants. Celebrate diversity. Use different techniques to draw ideas from group. 4. Encourage cross-fertilization. Build on each other. Let others ideas take you somewhere else. Combine synergize and improve upon ideas. 5. Encourage outside-the-box thinking. Challenge assumptions. Be creative Go crazy. Think outside the box. Sometimes the wildest ideas lead to great ones. The wilder the ideas the better Step out of your shoes to surface new insights. "What if you were a cat or a film scenario writer – how would you solve the problem". Encourage active listening. 5. Dont overlook the obvious – the obvious solution is sometimes the best. 6. Suspend judgment. No ideas are bad ideas. All ideas are good ideas. Actually a minority opinion offered during group decision making often stimulates more innovative solutions to a problem. 7. Dont fear repetitions. At different moments you see with different eyes. During discussion afterwards the duplicate ideas you may find them different or they may trigger a different response at a different time. 8. Dont stop and discuss. Go for quantity not quality. Keep the momentum going. 9. Record and display each idea. Make sure each idea is complete – dont use one-word descriptions to avoid misunderstanding. Dont edit. 10. Apply the 80/20 Principle and change hats to select the best ideas. Look through your list of ideas and circle the 20 that will yield 80 of the results you are looking for. Encourage full-spectrum thinking. 1172

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Source: http://www.1000advices.com/guru/innovation_brainstorm ing_10rules_vk.html Some useful lines with connection to brainstorming in a coaching procedure: - Let’s list all possible options then look at the best three and find out what we can do with them. - Use the brainstorm technique called Wishful thinking to let coachees think of the best and easiest ways to reach their goal. 1173

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4.16 DESENTISATION Gestalt therapy based desentisation: Gestalt therapy teaches that people perceive the world in terms of completed unites of human experience that is: separate and complete patterns. Incomplete patterns are completed in order to make it possible to interpret them as a whole entity. Problems may result from an incorrect completion or a lack of awareness. A good way to become aware correct faulty patterns and restore authentic contact with the surroundings is repeatedly enacting the situation until wrong connections are replaced by correct data. Wolpe’s systematic desentisation technique: Developed by Wolpe based on Pavlov’s classic conditioning: 1. A negative experience from the past is blocking progress or causing stress / fear 2. Draw up a list of stressing situations 3. Arrange the situations on a scale from 1 – 10 4. Teach coachee how to relax 5. Apply relaxation exercises to the scaled stress-situation starting with the least stressing. If the situation cannot be reproduced in reality: have coachee imagining it. The exercise is beneficial even when practiced in fantasy only. 6. Repeat the exercise as often as necessary 7. Coachees overcome their fear / stress 1174

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4.17 BUILDING ASSERTIVENESS Here are our top ten tips to become a more assertive person. 1. Think "Im OK youre OK" or win-win In every relationship conversation or exchange with someone else whether they are in a superior or inferior role think win- win. This is what Eric Berne described as a belief that "Im OK and so are you". 2. Respond to praise with thanks When someone gives you praise dont get embarrassed and brush it off. Thank the person and ask them what exactly they liked. 3. Respond to criticism with objectivity When someone criticizes you dont hit back. If theres some truth in the criticism ask for more information. If none smile and say nothing. 4. Learn to say "No" If you are not contractually obliged to do something and dont want to do it learn to say "No" firmly politely and resolutely. 5. Admit Your Mistakes Dont Cover Them Up Learn how to admit your mistakes without fear of what might happen to you. Do it when you make small mistakes and itll be easier when they are bigger. 6. Drop the Blame Game When things go wrong dont blame others the situation or yourself. Instead welcome the chance to learn something. 7. Dont Belittle Yourself Eliminate the words "just" and "only" from your vocabulary as in "Im just a junior executive" and "Ive only limited experience". 1175

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8. In Pressure Situations Ask for More Time When someone puts pressure on you to make a decision dont feel you need to agree to them there and then. Ask for more time so that you can weigh up your options. 9. Make More Requests Unassertive people hesitate to ask others for help in case they are rejected. But this rarely happens. Most people are flattered when asked for help. So ask them more often. 10. Practise Every Day The great thing about assertiveness is that it can be practised in almost every conversation you have. So try it out every day until it becomes your default way of living. 1176

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4.18 ROOT CAUSE ANALYSIS The Five Whys or 5 Whys or 5Y technique is especially popular in manufacturing where the main concern is often productivity - - maximizing production rate and minimizing rejects. Ive heard many Six Sigma and Lean practitioners talk about this as one of their favourite tools. I can understand why too... its easy to remember simple to apply and gets deeper than traditional problem solving. However it also contains some traps. In summary you simply ask "why did this occur" and after you answer that you ask "why did that occur" and so on. You keep going until you get to something fundamental or until you reach something thats completely outside your control. A rule of thumb seems to be that 5 iterations is a reasonable average but this is not a hard rule... it may take only 3 levels of "why" or you may still be asking "why" 5 weeks from now. It just depends on the problem. Now can you spot the problems in the procedure summarized above I can think of a few but there are two that I think are really important. First there is the assumption that a single cause at each level of "why" is sufficient to explain the effect in question. This is rarely the case Most often you need a set of jointly sufficient causes to create any single effect. Second what if one of your "why" answers is wrong Maybe your answer was possible but what if the actual cause i.e. set of causes was something else entirely Even worse what if your seemingly plausible answer was completely out to lunch One of the advantages of the 5 Whys is that it gets you to fairly deep underlying causes. A major disadvantage is that if you make a mistake answering just one "why" question your entire analysis gets thrown off. Even worse the earlier your mistake in 1177

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the process the further off your root cause is going to be. At that point it wont matter if you ask "why" 5 times or five million times. If you want to avoid these problems try modifying the questioning process as follows. Once youve finished your initial line of questioning go back to your answer for the first "why" and ask some other questions. 1. What proof do I have that this cause exists Is it concrete Is it measurable 2. What proof do I have that this cause could lead to the stated effect Am I merely asserting causation 3. What proof do I have that this cause actually contributed to the problem Im looking at Even given that it exists and could lead to this problem how do I know it wasnt actually something else 4. Is anything else needed along with this cause for the stated effect to occur Is it self-sufficient Is something needed to help it along 5. Can anything else besides this cause lead to the stated effect Are there alternative explanations that fit better What other risks are there The point of these questions is to establish existence necessity and sufficiency. Keep asking these five questions for every cause at every level of questioning. If you diagram all this you will end up with a tree of causal factors leading up to the original problem. Some may be less important than others but you will have a much more complete picture of the causes leading up to your problem. Even better you may find a more important cause than previously considered. At the very least you will have avoided the "straight-line causation" trap. 1178

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4.19 THE JOHARI WINDOW The Johari Window is a model for explaining the different ways people approach self-awareness and feedback. It was designed by two Californian psychologists Jo Luft and Harry Ingham hence Jo-Hari and originally published in 1959. Explain the Model Please Originally Luft and Ingham devised a psychological tool for self- help groups in which the subject and his or her observers were given a list of 56 adjectives. The list included words like "bold" "cheerful" "confident" "sentimental" "sympathetic" and so on. Both the subject and observers then selected 5 or 6 adjectives 1179

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that fitted their view of the subject. These adjectives were then mapped onto a grid. The 4 Panes Model of the Johari Window The grid on which the adjectives were plotted looks like a square composed of four windows. One way to understand the grid is to imagine yourself as the subject looking in from the left and your observers looking down from the top. You can only both see so far your line being vertical from top to bottom and their line being horizontal from side to side. Now you have a window with four panes showing the following: • at the top left things that are known to you and known to others. In Luft and Inghams self-help groups this is where adjectives selected by both you and your observers would go. This is your "open" arena. • at the top right things that are known to others but not you. These would be adjectives selected by your observers but not you. This is your "blind spot" area. • at the bottom left things that are known to you but not others. These would be adjectives selected by you but not others and is your facade or mask area. • at the bottom right things that are not known to others or you ie things that either remain as potential or well and truly hidden. This is your unknown area. The Johari Window in Self-Development The most valuable use of the Johari Window is as a tool in self- development. We can use the knowledge of the four windows as a way of finding out more about how others see us in our blind 1180

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spot being more willing to open up our facades and exploring our unknown areas. We can either do it across all our relationships or in a particular relationship where we want to be more open. The tool can be highly beneficial. People who are in the process of enlarging their open areas for themselves and others are usually regarded as happier more giving and with better relationships. 1181

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4.20 DECISION MAKING Decision making skills can be very important in a careers context: Which career should I choose Which university should I go to Which course should I study Of course they are also valuable in many other contexts in life. The key steps in decision making are: 1. Clarify the nature of the problem before deciding action. What is the purpose of the decision What is the expected outcome What are the key priorities: time money quality Will a quick cheap and cheerful solution do or do you need to invest time and cash to get things absolutely right 2. Collect and summarise the data systematically. Decisions cant be made in a vacuum Gather collate classify and organise the information you need to make a decision. You need to analyse and evaluate all the important factors in making the decision. Analyse the various factors involved in the problem and identify the key ones. Highlight any critical factors upon which the success on the decision will hinge. Sound out the views and opinions of others: they may see something you have missed. 3. Use creativity/initiative in the generation of alternative solutions to the problem. 1182

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Produce a list of all the courses of action you can think of without trying to narrow these down. At this stage just produce a list of possible courses of action without trying to evaluate these. Brainstorming may help here see below Think outside the box: dont just look at the obvious and tried and tested options. Dont be afraid to challenge the status quo. How to brainstorm  The purpose of brainstorming is to produce as many possible options as possible without evaluating them.  Get a blank sheet of paper and write down any idea or possible solution which may help.  Dont censor your ideas. Write down everything no matter how silly or insignificant to keep the flow going as once idea might lead to another.  Only once all the ideas have dried up cross out or adapt all the weaker ideas: this should still leave you with a number of possible solutions.  Brainstorming can be done in a group in which case no comments should be made about the decisions proposed or group members put down for proposing unusual ideas. 4. Produce a SHORT list of the best options. Remove any obviously poorer choices. Dont have too many options in your final list or it will be too confusing. Differentiate between practical and impractical solutions. 5. Make your decision For each of your shortlist of options consider its advantages and disadvantages. Try to recognise any inconsistencies in your reasoning and question any assumptions you have made. 1183

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Evaluate each option against the key factors to consider the combined effect of all the factors. Weight each factor in terms of importance paying particular attention to any critical factors. See the decision matrix below to help you do this. Sometimes you may get so immersed that you may not be able to see the wood for the trees: if this happens sleep on it and postpone the decision until the next day. This may give you a fresh perspective. Using a DECISION MATRIX to help you to decide between alternatives: Make a short list of your key options and look at the positives and negatives for each item. Below is a very simple example. You could include many more factors. Which career would be most appropriate for me: teacher youth worker or sales executive Factors important to me in my career choice Factor Weighting Teacher Youth Worker Sales Executive Job security high x 3 9 x327 7 x321 4 x312 Informal working environment medium x2 4 x28 9 x218 3 x26 9 to 5 work low x1 6 x16 1 x11 5 x15 Good salary low x1 4 x14 3 x13 8 x18 Job satisfaction low x1 6 x16 7 x17 5 x15 Total 51 50 36 This suggests that for this particular person teaching and youth work would both be good alternatives but a career in sales 1184

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probably wouldnt suit them. Of course intuition gut reaction can also play a major part in making decisions but a decision matrix may at least give you an idea of which is the most logical choice. 6. Implement your decision Try to have a backup contingency plan in case your first option doesnt work out. Learn to argue your solution if there is opposition from others If it is a group decision consider the implications for the other members of the team. Communicate your ideas to the other team members explain your reasoning and make sure they understand the logic behind it and get their commitment to carry it out. 7. Evaluate how well things went Learn from the experience especially if your solution does not prove successful ©Copyright University of Kent Careers Advisory Service. 1185

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Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible in your approach. Tom Robbins In a moment of decision the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt A peacefulness follows any decision even the wrong one. Rita Mae Brown When you have to make a choice and dont make it that is in itself a choice. William James Some persons are very decisive when it comes to avoiding decisions. Brendan Francis Youve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and youre not smiling on a regular basis try another choice. Steven Woodhull Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight indecision a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it. Gordon Graham Whether you decide you can or you cant youre right Good decisions come from experience and experience comes from bad decisions. 1186

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4.21 TIME MANAGEMENT Why use time management skills Its important that you develop effective strategies for managing your time to balance the conflicting demands of time for study leisure earning money and jobhunting. Time management skills are valuable in jobhunting but also in many other aspects of life: from revising for examinations to working in a vacation job. Sometimes it may seem that there isnt enough time to do everything that you need to. This can lead to a build up of stress. When revising for examinations or during your final year when you have to combine the pressures of intensive study with finding time to apply for jobs good management of your time can be particularly important. Once we have identified ways in which we can improve the management of our time we can begin to adjust our routines and patterns of behaviour to reduce any time-related stress in our lives. What skills are required for effective time management Some skills involved are:  Setting clear goals  Breaking your goals down into discreet steps  Reviewing your progress towards your goals  Prioritising - focusing on urgent and important tasks rather than those that are not important or dont move you towards your goals  Organising your work schedule list making to remind you of what you need to do when persevering when things are not working out  Avoiding procrastination. 1187

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You should have a reminder system to tell you of when you need to do what: dont try to remember everything in your head as this is a recipe for disaster Carry a pen and paper or organiser wherever you go. At the simplest level your reminder system could simply be to use your diary to write down the things you need to do including appointments and deadlines. Before interviews its fine to write down the questions you wish to ask on a small piece of card or notepad. A daily list of tasks that need to be done is an essential part of action planning. Refer to and update this regularly. Prioritise items on the list into important/not important and urgent/non- urgent. Such a list can take a variety of formats but an example is given to the right. Update your list daily crossing off completed tasks and adding new tasks that need to be done. Urgent or important tasks can be highlighted with an asterisk. Advantages of using a to do list  Focuses your mind on important objectives  You are less likely to forget to do tasks  Writing a list helps order your thoughts  It helps show the bigger picture  You dont need to hold everything in your head.  It saves time  It helps you decide on priorities: the most important and the most urgent  You are less likely to become sidetracked  You get the reward of ticking off your achievements  You feel more in control  You have a record of what youve done  You always have something to work on 1188

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Setting Goals Set yourself specific and clearly defined goals and make sure that these are realistic and achievable. To do this you first need to examine your present situation and assess what goals are important to you and what action you need to take to achieve your target. Have a contingency plan or alternative route to your goal in case you have to change your plans for example taking a relevant postgraduate course if you cant get a job. Prioritising Efficiency and effectiveness are not the same. Someone who works hard and is well organised but spends all their time on unimportant tasks may be efficient but not effective. To be effective you need to decide what tasks are urgent and important and to focus on these. This is called prioritising. Its important to list the tasks you have and to sort these in order of priority and then to devote most time to the most important tasks. This avoids the natural tendency to concentrate on the simple easy tasks and to allow too many interruptions to your work. Differentiate also between urgent and important tasks: an urgent task may not necessarily be important When jobhunting you wont be able to apply to every employer. You will need to carefully prioritise those you wish to apply to based upon factors such as closing date location degree class required and chances of getting in. Avoiding Procrastination Procrastination is the scourge of action planning. Its important that you manage Your fear of doing things you dont want to do and realise that the fear is often far worse than any possible negative results. Try to take decisions immediately when possible and when you dont need to gather more information pertinent to the decision. The best time to do something is 1189

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usually NOW. Taking action generates the impetus for further action. Many applications to prestigious employers now need to be made in the first term of your final year and if you procrastinate youll miss the deadlines. Breaking down tasks Break goals down into their components so that you can accomplish them one step at a time. Write these steps down and try to be as specific as you can when you do this. Try to complete one task before you go on to the next. Reward yourself for achieving these goals to maintain your enthusiasm. For example when you are invited to your first interview treat yourself to a good meal with friends. Regularly review your progress towards your goals and revise plans as appropriate to take account of unforeseen changes. Persevering Inevitably things will not always run smoothly as you progress towards your goals. When things are not working out you need to persevere and learn how to take a positive attitude towards frustration and failure. Mistakes are a crucial part of any creative process and each is a lesson leading you towards the right solution. Fear of making or admitting mistakes is a major handicap to taking effective action. It is said that the people who have achieved the most have made the most mistakes Try to be aware that satisfaction comes as much from pursuing goals as from achieving them. Work at effective strategies to deal with pressure - these can vary from taking exercise to relaxation techniques such as Yoga to simply sharing problems with friends. Being assertive can also help here for example politely saying no to the demands of others when you are pushed for time. Sharing tasks and 1190

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problems with others will spread the burden and will bring a fresh perspective to them. Organising your time Identify areas of your life where you are wasting time and try to reduce these. A good way to do this is to log everything you do for a week in meticulous detail and then examine your record to see how you use or misuse your time. Develop a regular work routine. Keep your work space tidy so that you can work efficiently - its hard to do this if things you need to find are buried under a pile of paper Work to schedule so that you meet deadlines in good time - dont leave everything until the last minute. If you have a difficult essay to write start by drafting out the structure first- this will break the ice. When applying for jobs keep copies of all the applications you have made and keep a log of the date you applied result and a record of all your interviews plus you were questions asked. This will help you to keep track of your progress and spot areas where you could improve. USING A TIME LOG One useful way to eliminate wasted time is to use a time log. First you need to make up a chart for the next seven days divided into half hour intervals starting at the time you get up and finishing at the time you go to bed. Write down what you did in each half hour of the day for the next seven days. Choose a typical week. An example for one day is given to the right. At the end of the week examine your time log and ask yourself the following questions: 1191

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 Are there any periods that I could use more productively  At what time of day do I do my most effective work Some people are most alert in the morning whilst others concentrate best during the afternoon or evening. Schedule your most important tasks for these times of day. A time log can be particularly useful at times of pressure for example when revising for examinations or jobhunting during your final year. By now you should have been able to identify ways in which you could manage your time more efficiently and know some techniques to allow you to do this. Source: University of Kent http://www.kent.ac.uk Time Time Management Management Training Training from from ManageTrainLearn. There are 7 scales against which we can measure ourselves as time managers at work. They are: 1. Control: is control of your time with you or others 2. Pace: is your pace of work even or erratic 3. Direction: do you have short-term or long-term objectives 4. Variety: is there a little or a lot of variety in your work 5. Ownership: do you own what you do or do others 6. Volume: does the amount of work you do result in overloads or underloads 7. Balance: is there an equal or unequal balance in the different tasks you do 1192

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Time-Fillers Time-fillers are those people who see time as a stretch of eight hours work each day or 40 hours a week which somehow has to be filled and endured. Time-fillers... • put themselves at others beck and call • fill up their time in empty ritual pastimes and competitive game-playing • swing from boredom to crisis and back again • lack any pace of work sometimes they allow themselves to fall behind time and so have to rush while at other times nobody has anything for them to do so they waste their time and become bored. • have no sense of direction • find themselves underworked or overworked • suffer stress as a result of not being in control of their time. Time Managers Time managers see time as a partner in helping them achieve their goals and objectives. Sometimes time will be less helpful eg when things arent ready for action sometimes time will be more than helpful eg when offering them opportunities to seize the moment and get ahead. Time managers... • know what they want to achieve with their time • feel in control even when there is little personal freedom to arrange their working day • work closely with others • work at an even pace without highs or lows • have a sense of direction • are able to vary their activities to maintain their interest • can balance their tasks • feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. 1193

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Edward Sheldrick describes people at work as either pearl crushers or pearl divers. Pearl crushers are those who miss the opportunities that work affords. They let others determine how they spend their time and blame them when they feel they underachieve. Pearl divers are those who look for the hidden jewels on the sea- bed. They see work as an endless adventure and a means to achieve serve and accomplish. Time Robbers: Others 1. incomplete information from others 2. employees bringing problems 3. the telephone 4. routine tasks 5. unnecessary and long meetings 6. drop-in visitors 7. outside activities 8. crisis management 9. poor communications 10. insufficient planning. Time Robbers: Ourselves 1. attempting to do too much at once 2. unrealistic time estimates 3. procrastination 4. not listening 5. not saying "No" 6. doing it myself 7. stacked desk 8. delegating responsibility without authority 9. personal disorganisation 10. personality tendency towards workaholism. 1194

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Efficient or Effective Many people fail to make the best use of their time because they fail to see the difference between being efficient and being effective. Efficiency is doing things by the book. It may be the way to do a job in the least amount of time. Because of this efficient people pride themselves on being good time managers. However they are often slaves to routines and may be blind to the fact that the job may not need to be done at all. Effectiveness means taking a wider view of things than the blinkered approach of efficiency. It means taking time to think through goals and purposes and creating choices not just following rules. Effective working is smart work not necessarily hard work. The Pareto Principle When you need to decide "what is the best use of my time right now" one answer lies in the Pareto Principle. Vilfredo Pareto was an Italian economist who in 1906 discovered that 20 of the people in his homeland controlled 80 of the countrys wealth. So in the Pareto time management principle • 20 of your tasks ie your top tasks should require 80 of your time • 80 of your results should come from 20 of your actions • 80 of your time should be spent with 20 of the people you know. 1195

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Time Paradigms We each have our own way of seeing time according to our own work personalities: • planners set high store by how well they fill up each working hour and minute. They like to be busy. • team workers set high store by the relationships they form at work. Time at work means time with others. • achievers set high store by using their time to work their way up the organisational ladder. • creative people like to work on something special and may dismiss routine time as boring and unnecessary • active people find time passes quicker if they can get immersed in new experiences and activities • dominating people like to get the most out of every minute by living life to the full. To do this they may act recklessly and refuse to plan their time. • relaxed people set high score by avoiding doing too much and concentrating instead on enjoying their time. Balancing Each Day Balancing each days activities is not simply a healthy way of working it is also the most productive and enjoyable. To follow an intense period of brainwork with some time doing physical work then to follow that with some time on a project followed by time with friends is to create a rich and whole texture to the day. By seeking to create a balance of the different types of tasks that we must carry out each day we are able to have order with spontaneity the challenging with the practical routine with innovation and introspection with the pleasure of others. 1196

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None of us knows what by our lifes end we might be capable of achieving. We only know that if we do not use the time that we have - and none of us knows how much time each of us has - then the potential we have will not be fulfilled. A/ Routine Time Routine tasks are the things we do to keep body and soul together and the workplace functioning. For us as individuals they are the set piece habits around which our day is built. For the organisation they are the procedures by which regular work and maintenance work gets done. All workplace organisations require systems. They form the backbone around which the organisation keeps control. And it is in systems that some of the greatest opportunities exist to save time. The following tips will help you establish the quickest times to do your routine work:  When you do routine work eliminate interference or distractions from outside  Organise the work layout so everything you need is at hand  Time the tasks and see if they cant be done more quickly  Automate and use labour-saving devices where you can bunch similar jobs together eg phone calls and letter writing  Aim for continuous workflows with no hold-ups or delays  Obtain materials "just in time" for your needs  When you have defined the optimum method train everyone until you find a better method still. Then train them all again. The Five Ss The five Ss is a Japanese methodology which is a standardized way of doing things efficiently. The 5 steps can be applied to routines for any physical materials management including stores and paper. These are the 5 steps: 1197

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a. Sort. Go through all your materials and keep only the essentials. Store or discard the rest. b. Set in Order. Find a place for what is needed and put things in their place. c. Sweep. Clean as you go. Tidy up at the end of the day. Put things back in their place. d. Standardize. Ensure everyone knows the system e. Sustain. Operate this way until a better method comes along. Habits Habits are those things we do regularly without having to think about them. The benefit of habit tasks is that they can be done on automatic pilot and thus rest the conscious brain. These tips can help you make the most of time spent on habits: • identify the triggers that set habits off do them at set regular times • use sequences and checklists to memorise habit tasks • look for shortcuts • look to double up activities. This is known as the Shoe-shine Principle: while youre getting your shoes shined you can do something else such as make a phone call or read a newspaper. • aim for an optimum time to complete habitual tasks • prepare and arrange your materials before you start tidy up as you go • aim to eliminate bad habits and replace them with good ones. Maintenance Tasks It is a well-researched fact that we do not work well when our physical surroundings are unsafe uncomfortable or untidy. The American psychologist Frederick Herzberg called these the "hygiene" factors and believed that they can have a de- motivating effect on our work if they are not attended to. 1198

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Working on the hygiene factors means spending time attending to the following: • making the work area neat and tidy • ensuring you have the right heating lighting and ventilation for your needs • taking regular breaks • making sure your systems are safe • organizing the work space so you are comfortable • having a pleasing decor. Chores Routine work can either seem to drag or fly depending on the way we look at it. If we regard routines as chores the time will hang heavy as we think about more pleasurable alternatives. If we change our attitude and work with the flow and pace of the job the time will pass quickly. Heres how: • focus on the task rather than wishing you werent doing it • think about what you are doing rather than something else • do it not because of any immediate gain but because you want to do it • feel the therapeutic effects of doing routine tasks in which you can switch off • work out a rhythm in the job and lose yourself in it • turn it into a game a challenge or a learning adventure. Deskmanship The amount of paperwork generated every day in our workplaces is huge much of it excessive and time-wasting. To prevent yourself drowning in a sea of paperwork practise the three golden rules of deskmanship: • rule 1: aim for a clear desk 1199

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• rule 2: handle every piece of paper only once move incoming correspondence immediately to its next destination. • rule 3: have a regular clear out of files. Paper Control If you have to keep your paperwork here are 3 things you must do to keep it under control: 1. Mark It. Simply put a small mark on the top right-hand corner every time you handle a piece of paper that is lying around without a proper place. After about 20 aimless marks guilt should kick in and force you to do something about it. 2. Sort It. Dont dither. Make up your mind to do one of 5 things with your piece of paper: bin it file it store it as a record send it to someone for action do whatever you must to end its presence. 3. Store It. Stored paperwork needs 3 simple systems: a colour- coding system to make it easier to find an out-take system to keep track of it if it is removed and a bring-forward system for actioning it. Carrying out routine work is not the most glamorous part of time management. It can be repetitive dull and a chore. But it is in routine work that the greatest opportunities for saving time can be found. And if you discover the golden hour you save you can do with it as you please. B/ Time on Progress Work Progress work is work that innovates breaks new ground and takes us forward. It creates something new. When we spend time on progress work we can actually see results either bit by bit as we progress or when the work is completed. Although big projects are the most obvious examples of progress work we can also be creative in lots of small ways when we want to improve on now. Here are 7 steps in progress work. 1200

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1. Set Your Mission The starting point of any goal-achievement is to think about your mission or purpose. What is the point of it all A mission goes much further than just a goal. It is about manifesting your own values creating something unique and becoming all you and your team if you are working with one can become. As Steven Covey said: “A mission statement focuses on what you want to be character and to do contributions and achievements and on the values and principles upon which being and doing are based.” Tip: Start by writing down on one sheet of paper the things that are important to you in going for this particular goal. 2. Pick Your Key Areas The gap between dreaming a mission and achieving it is to break the mission down into key areas that you need to work on. For example if your aim is to become fit the key areas could be: Exercise Diet Sleep Lifestyle and Relaxation. When you have identified your key areas then you need to spend time finding out about each one of these. This research and information-gathering goes on for the whole length of your journey towards your goal. Tip: Stick to no more than 5 or 6 key areas. 3. Write Down Your SMART Goals SMART goals are goals that are defined as: Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Time-bounded. Tip: Distinguish between SMART goals which have deadlines and Big goals that don’t. Follow the 5 steps outlined above to reach your SMART goals by going from now forwards. 1201

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Dream about your Big goals which have no fixed deadlines by going from their realization in your imagination backwards. 4. Jot down To-Do Lists If you are working in a number of key areas with a range of SMART goals in each of them you could have as many as 15 ongoing activities at any one time. Keeping an occasional to-do list is a way to review all of these activities and keep them at the forefront of your mind. Tip: Alec McKenzie recommends writing out to-do lists every evening and then working through them the following day. 5. Prioritize Your To-Do List There are two ways to prioritize the activities on your to-do list. You can decide if they are urgent or if they are important. Urgent tasks are those that have a deadline to them. They are also tasks that we want to do because the time is right or feels right i.e. we’re in the mood. Important tasks are those that you believe will bring you quickest to your goals. Tasks that are both urgent and important are the ones you should devote time to. Tasks that are not both of these can be relegated down your to- do list or delegated to somebody else. Tip: You must be ruthless about tasks that are neither important nor urgent and dump them. 6. Schedule Your Tasks It is much better to schedule tasks than leave them to be done when you feel like it. For example you are much more likely to 1202

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exercise regularly if you do it at a set time each day. One of the best scheduling systems is the 60-20-20 system. This means filling up 60 of your diary with your important tasks and leaving 20 for things that crop up and 20 for emergencies. Tip: Use the luggage-hold method when planning your diary. This means putting the biggest tasks in your diary first and then fitting the smaller ones around them. Just like the way you put luggage in the boot of your car. 7. Take Action A time management system should be a living dynamic system rather than a dull repetitive one cast in concrete. That’s why you should inject into your system room for surprises room for learning and room for doing what you enjoy. In this way you’ll not only like the system you’ll achieve your goals much more quickly than you thought possible at the start. All of us carry out progress work whether it is wallpapering a room of our house or installing a new computer system at work. By starting with the end result in mind i.e. our mission and goals we need to plan and organize the many tasks that bit by bit create the final result. Progress work is one of the most satisfying and productive uses of our time. C/ Time and Projects Time is one of the key factors in determining whether projects are managed well. There are three constraints in a project: time cost and quality. At the start of a project all three will be estimated. If time on the project is managed well which means that the project comes in on time without seriously compromising the cost and quality then the project will have partly succeeded. If the cost and quality also come in on target without affecting the time then the whole project would be regarded as a success. 1203

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A project is a combination of human and non-human resources pulled together in a temporary organisation to achieve a specified purpose. The aim is to produce a result in a given time at a given cost and to a given quality. These aims are inter- related. If you increase resources to increase the quality you may reduce the time but you will increase the cost. If you reduce the resources to save money you may increase the time. If you reduce the time you may reduce one set of costs but increase them further with the need for extra resources such as more people. The Phases of a Project All projects have 4 phases: Phase 1: This phase involves the initiation of a project between project sponsor or coachee and the project team. It is likely to cover the definition and scope of the project initial time estimates and risk analysis. Phase 2: This phase involves the planning and design of the project and the go-ahead. Phase 3: This phase consists of the implementation of the project and its monitoring control and co-ordination. Phase 4: This phase involves bringing the project in on time on budget and on specification. Alternatively it involves winding up a project that is no longer needed. Estimating Project Times The first stage in estimating the time of a project is to brainstorm all the jobs that need to be carried out. Once you have done this you should check through them and start to build a working list. Check that you havent missed anything out and that you have included the many small and apparently unimportant jobs that 1204

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have to be done such as administration co-ordinating holding meetings. Ruthlessly eliminate anything that doesnt have to be done. Once you have produced a finished list of project tasks you must then place time estimates against each task ensuring you are as accurate as possible. Network Analysis Network analysis is a generic name for a variety of techniques which are used to analyse the sequence of tasks in a project. The aim of network analysis is to make a complex series of tasks simpler to understand and schedule. It does this by sequencing tasks in order and doubling them up where possible to save time. From this you can then calculate the overall time for the project and the shortest time in which the project can be completed. This is the critical path. You cannot carry out the project in less time than the critical path without an effect on cost or quality. Planning Scheduling and Tracking Planning is an essential part of managing a project. Based on your critical paths and network analysis you should know the best time your project will take as well as what problems might get in the way of achieving these deadlines and what you will do if any problems do arise. Once your plans are laid down you should enter them into a schedule based on the availability of resources both people and materials. You then need to track progress through detailed auditing and reports always with the aim of being on or ahead of plan. Crashing Crashing means resolving project problems by shortening the length of time that the project takes. This may be because you are behind schedule or an opportunity arises to speed up work. There are many ways to crash a project. You could transfer resources from non-critical to critical tasks do jobs in parallel 1205

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rather than sequentially or simply cut out non-essentials. More drastic measures can be taken with your project sponsors such as reducing the scope of the project. Bringing a Project in on Time A study by psychologists at Sussex University shows that most people fail to complete projects on time. There are 3 reasons for this. First we always look forward when making plans and rarely at what happened in similar situations in the past. Second we ignore what can go wrong. And third we concentrate on how early we would like to complete the project and use that as the estimated time. It doesnt matter whether the project is a big one or a small one. For example the Channel Tunnel came in a year late and 100 over budget. The Sydney Opera House opened 10 years late and 1300 over budget. To succeed in any project large or small it is essential to meet your sponsors requirements on time cost and quality. Only by managing the project efficiently at each stage and using the best estimating planning and scheduling techniques of time management is this possible. D/ Non-Doing Work The Industrial Age from which we are presently emerging had no time for non-doing work. Work was organised to fill up the time with as much productive activity as possible. In the Information Age into which we have now moved productive work requires intelligence and creativity. Time to stop and think has become an essential feature of working. Let Things Happen One of the reasons why stress is at record levels in our work- places is the belief that you must be active all the time for anything to happen. In fact the contrary is the case. When you remove yourself and trust that things will happen as they should 1206

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then even if we don’t understand how things will happen at the right time in the right way. As Benjamin Hoff says in “The Tao of Pooh”: “It’s hard to explain except by example but it works. Things just happen in the right way at the right time. At least they do when you let them when you work with circumstances instead of saying “This isn’t supposed to be happening this way” and trying hard to make it happen in some other way. If you’re in tune with The Way Things Work then they work the way they need to no matter what you may think at the time.” Use Your Brains All of us possess an amazing machine in our brains known as the creative sub-conscious. This is the source of all our best ideas. Yet when we are rushing around like headless chickens we don’t allow our sub-conscious brains to come to our rescue. Often we put a lot of busyness into a task only to realize later on that if we’d stopped and thought about things we could have found a smarter quicker or more productive solution. Stop and Tune In In his book “Life Tide” Lyall Watson records the phenomenon of a group of macata monkeys stranded on a Japanese island all discovering the right way to prepare food even though they weren’t in any obvious form of contact with each other. It was as if there were a collective consciousness telling them what to do. The same thing can happen to human beings. We can sense the times sniff the wind and roll with the tides. In this way we can tune in to what is happening and make the journey free and effortless. Take a Break Breaks are essential for productive work. Research shows that there is a basic physiological rhythm to our day governed by our automatic and endocrine systems. This is known as the Break – 1207

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Rest – Activity Cycle and lasts between 90 and 120 minutes. That’s why breaks are necessary to give us energy and refresh us. Take Time to Plan In the West we prize action over inaction. We therefore complete one task and hurry on to the next. In the East by contrast non-action is prized as highly as action if not more. These cultures like to measure progress by more means than just results. They spurn impatience and hurry knowing that if you prepare well a moment eventually arrives when things are ready for implementation and they practically complete themselves. Take Time Out It is when you work in fast-moving environments that you need to remember to take time out. Time out enables you to get away from all the problems that usually clutter up your work and see things more clearly. When running Microsoft Bill Gates used to take a week out of his schedule every year to go somewhere where nobody could reach him just to think things through. This habit made him into one of the richest people on the planet. Meet with Yourself Just as sufficient planning before action can reduce the time a project takes so can review after the action. In fact in repetitive tasks it is vital. Review or meeting with yourself enables you to look back and learn. You can see the big picture and put things into some kind of perspective. It also enables you to see the mistakes you made and to consider how you can do things better next time. Non-doing work isn’t just thinking and planning it’s also recuperating and refreshing yourself. In his bestselling book 1208

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“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Stephen Covey called it “sharpening the saw” and made it one of the keystones of personal effectiveness. E/ Time and Others Time Stealers are people who without anything to do with their own time steal yours from you as well. They fill up their hours by wasting yours. Often these are close colleagues customers even your own boss so it can be difficult to know how to deal with them. But unless you want to join this gang of thieves you must learn to say No to Time Stealers. 1. Manage Your Interruptions One of the reasons why we allow others to take over our time at work is our need to know what is going on. Henry Mintzberg professor of management at McGill University in Montreal discovered that the majority of a manager’s time is spent receiving and responding to hearsay rumour and news. Managers feel a great need to know what’s going on and they do this by letting themselves be interrupted by others. If this is you you need to be aware of how much of your time is usefully spent in this way and how much is wasted. In short you need to know how to manage your interruptions. 2. Avoid These Time Wasters One of the keys to managing your interruptions is to distinguish between people who bring you useful information and those who don’t. This latter group comprises 3 types in particular that you should avoid like the plague: • moaners whingers and complainers • the coffee-set who congregate during work • the watering-hole set who congregate after work. Socialising with your team is fine if you can control it. Excessive socializing is like begin sucked into a time-consuming swamp. 1209

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3. Avoid the Gossipers In 1650 Jeremy Taylor chaplain to King Charles I wrote a book called “Holy Living” in which he warned against the dangers of wasting time on gossip. He said “Avoid the company of busybodies and all such as are apt to talk much to little purpose. For no man can be provident of his time that is not prudent in the choice of his company. And if one of the speakers be vain tedious and trifling he that hears and he that answers in the discourse are equal losers of their time.” 4. Be Brief In business your time is your money. Wasting time with unnecessarily long meetings with others is a way to let money trickle down the drain. Channing H Cox once visited President Calvin Coolidge whom he had succeeded as Governor of Massachusetts. Cox who was often detained at his desk until well into the evening was astonished to learn that Coolidge was able to see so many people and still leave the office at 5.00pm. “What’s the difference” Cox asked. “You talk back” replied the President. 5. Be Brisk When you learn how to be brisk with others without being rude you’ll find a great ally in your quest to control your time. Clement Attlee prime minister of post-war Britain was known for his briskness at cabinet meetings. His knack was to stifle unnecessary talk. One of Attlee’s exchanges ran as follows: “A good paper minister. Do you need to add anything” ie there’s no need to say anything if it’s just a repeat of what’s in the paper. - “Has anyone any objections” ie don’t say anything if it’s already been covered. - “Right then. Next item.” 1210

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6. Rescue Your Time If you get people in your work space that you don’t want the only way to rescue your time is to be polite but determined. Here are some techniques to use: • ask directly what they want and how long they might be • suggest a time when you know youll be free • have a regular "green period" slot when you are free each day to see people • dont succumb to the temptation of a break from what youre doing • agree to meet them at their workplace • point out that what you are doing is important and ask if their interruption is more important • use appropriate body language to indicate they are not welcome to stay for example stand up perch on the edge of the desk move towards the door avoid eye contact. 7. Use the Team In teams who work as a team there is an agreed allocating delegating and sharing of tasks to ensure good time management by everyone. Allocating: portioning out jobs to get the job done in the quickest and most effective way. Delegating: giving jobs to those best suited to do them or who want to do them or who can benefit from doing them. Sharing: working together on jobs complementing each others good points taking your turn "on the watch" saving time by working as a team doing things synergistically. Use these techniques and you’ll be letting people know that while you’re willing to be gracious with people you’re going to be ruthless with your time. 1211

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Time with others is a connecting process in which we engage not just our rational brains but our feelings as well. But time with others while essential for getting things done can also be one of the biggest time robbers. We can achieve nothing without others but if we are not careful we can achieve nothing because of others. F/ Time Travellers Our personalities are the key to finding out what kind of time manager we are. Whether we tend to do too much or too little overwork or underwork buzz around like a bee or freeze through procrastination all comes down to one thing: which of the following Time Travellers are you 1. The Perfectionist The Perfectionist is one of the worst examples of a workaholic. They fill up their days with work activities in the belief that everything they do has to be as perfect as possible. George Bernard Shaw was a typical workaholic. He wrote mechanically every day of his career. Looking back on his life he said "When I was a young man I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. I didnt want to be a failure so I did ten times more work." 2. The Socialiser The Socialiser is not a good time manager. If you are in conversation with a Socialiser you’ll know this for they are the hardest people to break away from. Socialisers simply love to be with people talk about people and be of service to people. This invariably means putting time and other duties into second place. 1212

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3. The Achiever Achievers have mastered the art of looking like perfect time managers. They seem to be good at everything they take on seem to manage things with effortless ease and seem to enjoy themselves in the process. But beware a lot of the impression may be false. Achievers are good at show and not so good at substance. When you are dealing with an Achiever always look under the surface at what they’ve actually achieved. 4. The Artist When you are dealing with an Artist time personality you’ll know it. They look different dress different and behave different from others. They also have a cavalier attitude to time which they regard as a constraint and restriction. They thus arrive late or early ignore rotas and frequently miss deadlines. But the work they produce is invariably one of a kind and in their eyes makes up for their lax attitude to time. 5. The Analyser The Analyser has a touch of the absent-minded professor about them. They can easily get so wrapped up in their thoughts and ideas or in conversation with others that they can forget the routine details of daily life - such as preparing a meal going to bed on time keeping appointments. But while their outer life may be muddled their inner world of thoughts is invariably rich and gifted. 6. The Procrastinator The Procrastinator is a person who hesitates to act because he or she is unsure whether they should. It may be because something hasnt been decided or information isnt yet available or because a higher authority hasnt sanctioned it. Procrastinators are the great doubters questioners and hesitators. In workplaces Procrastinators prefer to let others own their time rather than 1213

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own it themselves. They will therefore drop anything at any time if asked to no matter what the cost in piled-up work or stress. 7. The Hurrier The Hurrier is a person who manages to combine a wide range of activities in a short space of time. Everything they do is done at a quick pace: they move quickly talk quickly think quickly. They are multi-talented and never say No to any job that comes their way even if they move on to something more interesting before they finish it. They are the human equivalent of the Hare in Aesop’s fable. 8. The Rebel Rebels are life’s fighters. They believe that time is something to be challenged and beaten. They thus like to run late for deadlines coming to life in the tension this creates and knowing that they will beat it in the end. They push time to the limit. They embody the sentiments of Edna St Vincent Millay who wrote: "My candle burns at both ends it will not last the night. But ah my foes and oh my friends: it gives a lovely light." 9. The Wanderer Wanderers are people who enjoy the freedom to do what they like. In organizational settings this can cause a problem. They may not be totally committed to the work ethic and may go at their own speed which makes them appear lazy. On the other hand Wanderers are far more in tune with the pace of the world and may achieve a far higher level of contentment than the rest of us. When you know the kind of Time Traveller you are you can make adjustments in your plans to iron out the features that 1214

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don’t serve you well and enhance the ones that do. That’s the secret of successful Time Travel 100 Time-Saving Tips "Many people assume that they can probably find many ways to save time. This is an incorrect assumption for it is only when you focus on spending time that you begin to use it effectively." Merrill Douglas 1. Attitudes to Time 1. Value your time. 2. Treat time as a resource to be managed. 3. Use a time log to track your time. 4. Assess how much time you have to manage. 5. Negotiate more control over your working time. 6. Decide the best work pattern for yourself. 7. Get control of your tasks. 8. Have the freedom to balance your tasks. 9. Work at an even pace. 10. Plan ahead. 11. Balance the demands on your time. 12. Don’t do more than you need to. 13. Use time to get results not just fulfil duties. 14. Do something productive and enjoyable each day. 15. Check whether you have a tendency to overwork or underwork and adjust your work accordingly. 16. Enjoy your time by doing what you do best. 17. Inject variety into your daily tasks so that you look forward to them. 18. Know your time management tendencies. 1215

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2. Routine Tasks 19. Spend up to a quarter of your day on routine tasks. 20. Do routine tasks in the shortest time possible without compromising quality. 21. Don’t rush jobs that can’t be rushed. 22. Develop good time habits so you don’t have to think about routines. 23. Experiment with different methods for doing routine tasks. 24. Use the Shoe-shine principle of doing two routine tasks at the same time. 25. Make the most of shortcuts. 26. Prepare your materials in advance. 27. Tidy up as you go. 28. Automate tedious and repetitive jobs. 29. Identify bottle-necks and eliminate them. 30. Create easy work flows. 31. Use just-in-time systems to minimize clutter. 32. Bunch similar tasks together. 33. Identify the quickest work methods and then train everyone. 34. Know which jobs can be speeded up and which can’t. 35. Have a regular time slot for doing your chores. 36. Put aside time for maintenance tasks. 37. Identify the time robbers that steal your time. 3. Paperwork 38. Question every bit of paper you use. 39. Don’t encourage unnecessary paperwork. 40. Organise your filing systems at regular intervals. 41. Back up your computer records at fixed times. 42. Clear your files out regularly. 43. Keep your desk clear. 44. Handle every piece of paper just once. 45. Eliminate junk mail and spam. 46. Phone rather than write. 1216

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47. Don’t photocopy anything unless it is essential. 48. Send replies on the same piece of paper. 49. Keep your communications sweet and short. 4. Project Management 50. Manage your projects with time cost and quality estimates. 51. Run projects with detailed time plans. 52. Add on 20 to your initial project plan times. 53. Have detailed lists of your project tasks. 54. Create a series of deadlines for your project tasks. 55. Look for weak links in your project and have back-up plans. 56. Streamline low-priority project tasks. 57. Keep on top of what’s going on in your project. 58. Regularly ask “what is the best use of my time right now”. 59. Track and monitor your project progress. 5. Progress Work 60. Spend up to a quarter of your day on progress work. 61. Be effective ie achieve results… 62. …and then efficient ie do things in an ordered way in the minimum time. 63. Always be working on something that is new and adds value. 64. Have a purpose to your life with a mission and goals. 65. Have a clear vision of your goals. 66. Align your goals with your values. 67. Be certain of achieving all your goals. 68. Write down your goals and your plans. 69. Identify your key result areas. 70. Set SMART goals for short-term tasks. 71. Identify jobs you dislike and delegate them to others. 72. Break down big jobs into smaller chunks. 73. Prioritise your tasks according to their importance. 74. When you’re overwhelmed write out to-do lists and prioritise each task. 1217

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75. Leave loose ends so you can come back to jobs easily. 76. Use little scraps of unused time for itsy-bitsy jobs. 77. Plan 60 of your day leave the rest for what comes up. 78. Put big jobs in your diary first then the little ones. 79. Celebrate reaching your goals. 6. Non-Doing Tasks 80. Spend up to a quarter of your day on non-doing tasks. 81. Take time out to sit and think. 82. Look after your health. 83. Get a sense of the times. 84. Take time to enjoy and appreciate. 85. Use the energy of the moment. 86. Occasionally just do what you want to do. 87. Take breaks at least every 90 minutes. 88. Review your day or week and see how you could improve your time management. 7. Time With Others 89. Spend up to a quarter of your day with others. 90. Always turn up to meetings on time. 91. Be courteous and brisk with others. 92. Only hold meetings that have a clear purpose. 93. Let people know when you’re not free. 94. Minimise unnecessary interruptions. 95. Learn to say No to jobs that aren’t yours. 96. Avoid time-wasters. 97. Control your phone. 98. Screen all incoming calls. 99. Devise a team time policy. 100. Keep a clock on the wall. 1218

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"To get all there is out of living we must employ our time wisely never being in too much of a hurry to stop and sip life but never losing our sense of the enormous value of each minute." Robert Updegraff Five Essential Time Management Strategies and Techniques To Increase Productivity and Reduce Stress How to personally implement Time Management Strategies and Techniques is an essential skill for not only for life coaches to be able to pass on to their clients but for any business or professional person. Why Because lack of time is often one of the key issues to come up with people wanting to set and achieve their personal and business goals. So if you are working with them around goal setting you can be almost sure time management come up in the conversation. The two are so interwoven. Robyn Pearce is one of the world’s foremost and most engaging experts on time management. In this interview she discuss five her vital time management strategies and techniques: 1. Why traditional “To Do” lists don’t work 2. Personal time management in dealing with overwhelm 3. Mastering the steps of delegation 4. Getting over the youve got mail syndrome and managing email better 5. Claiming your energy back from time stealers My first question to Robyn was: You say traditional "TO DO" lists often dont work. Why is this Robyn: To do lists ARE actually really important in learning time management. The interesting thing is that most people will make a To Do list and then start with the easiest thing first. That’s not always the case but I would say that around 80 of the people I 1219

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work with would say that they start with the easy things first the things they can get out of the way quickly and feel a little bit of success with. Start with what’s important The problem with this can be that the bigger and more challenging things which in fact will make the long-term difference tend to linger so they become a stress source in themselves. People tend to say “I’ll just get this out of the way so I can concentrate”. But the reality is that this is doing things back to front. "Successful people start with the most important things first" If we do something of significance first thing in the day then we feel more effective in the time management game and are likely to have a higher level of energy. This is because we have the win of achieving one or two of the big things that are really important on our list. And here’s another point on energy We talk about time management techniques and strategies but the reality is it is energy management. When I say that to people there is a little quiet moment of reflection as they realize that is really what is going on. Plan for the week Another important time management exercise around To Do lists is weekly planning. On my website as well as lots of free time management tips I have a free report: How To Master Time in 90 Seconds which I really encourage people to download. In that I explain what I call my Toolbar of Time which shows there are four significant areas that we need to talk about time management strategies and techniques. 1220

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The four things are: 1. What’s our big picture – do we know what is important What are our goals If we understand the relationship between goal setting and time management then we are in a better position to push back and say no to the things that are time stealing. 2. Planning and prioritizing: Which of course takes in the To Do lists. 3. Time Management Techniques and Tips: The shortcuts and the quick ways to make things work better and the system improvements we can do. How can we better manager our emails our phone calls our meetings interruptions and so on. I encourage people to become a “walking question mark” around learning time management that is constantly looking for better ways to do things from our domestic tasks through to our business systems. 4. Sanity Gaps: Which is where we fit in the work/life balance issues and deal with stress and time management. Not enough people plan on a weekly basis. We should use our diary whatever type we choose online or paper as a planning tool to lock in some of the higher value things we need to do as well as appointments. Successful people treat their diary as a planning tool not just as an appointment reminder. To consolidate these and get into action I really encourage you take advantage of Robyn’s books CD’s and a membership program that gives access to interactive webinar seminars and interviews with no geographic boundaries. Robyn invites you to visit her Getting A Grip on Time website and take charge of your time and your energy. Source: Wendy Buckingham - : http://www.all-about-becoming- a-life-coach.com/time-management-strategies-and- techniques.htmlixzz1qnLySlYa 1221

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4.22 STRATEGIC PLANNING From Wikipedia the free encyclopedia Strategic planning is an organizations process of defining its strategy or direction and making decisions on allocating its resources to pursue this strategy including its capital and people. Various business analysis techniques can be used in strategic planning including SWOT analysis Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats PEST analysis Political Economic Social and Technological STEER analysis Socio-cultural Technological Economic Ecological and Regulatory factors and EPISTEL Environment Political Informatic Social Technological Economic and Legal. Strategic planning is the formal consideration of an organizations future course. All strategic planning deals with at least one of three key questions: 1. "What do we do" 2. "For whom do we do it" 3. "How do we excel" In business strategic planning the third question is better phrased "How can we beat or avoid competition". Bradford and Duncan page 1. In many organizations this is viewed as a process for determining where an organization is going over the next year or more -typically 3 to 5 years although some extend their vision to 20 years. In order to determine where it is going the organization needs to know exactly where it stands then determine where it wants to go and how it will get there. The resulting document is called the "strategic plan." 1222

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It is also true that strategic planning may be a tool for effectively plotting the direction of a company however strategic planning itself cannot foretell exactly how the market will evolve and what issues will surface in the coming days in order to plan your organizational strategy. Therefore strategic innovation and tinkering with the strategic plan have to be a cornerstone strategy for an organization to survive the turbulent business climate. Contents  1 Mission vision and values  2 Mission statements and vision statements  3 Methodologies  4 Situational analysis  5 Goals objectives and targets MISSION VISION AND VALUES Mission: Defines the fundamental purpose of an organisation or an enterprise succinctly describing why it exists and what it does to achieve its Vision. The mission could be either for the long term or the short term. A corporate mission can last for many years or for the life of the organisation or may change as the organisation develops. It is not an objective with a timeline but rather the overall goal that is accomplished as organisational goals and objectives are achieved. Vision: Defines the desired or intended future state of an organization or enterprise in terms of its fundamental objective and/or strategic direction. Vision is a long term view sometimes describing how the organization would like the world in which it operates to be. For example a charity working with the poor 1223

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might have a vision statement which read "A world without poverty" It is sometimes used to set out a picture of the organisation in the future. A vision statement provides inspiration the basis for all the organisations planning. It could answer the qiestion: "Where do we want to go" Values: Beliefs that are shared among the stakeholders of an organization. Values drive an organisations culture and priorities. Strategy: Strategy narrowly defined means "the art of the general" from Greek stratcgos. A combination of the ends goals for which the firm is striving and the means policiesby which it is seeking to get there. Mission statements and vision statements Organizations sometimes summarize goals and objectives into a mission statement and/or a vision statement Others begin with a vision and mission and use them to formulate goals and objectives. While the existence of a shared mission is extremely useful many strategy specialists question the requirement for a written mission statement. However there are many models of strategic planning that start with mission statements so it is useful to examine them here.  A Mission statement tells you the fundamental purpose of the organization. It defines the customer and the critical processes. It informs you of the desired level of performance.  A Vision statement outlines what the organization wants to be or how it wants the world in which it operates to be. It 1224

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concentrates on the future. It is a source of inspiration. It provides clear decision-making criteria. An advantage of having a statement is that it creates value for those who get exposed to the statement and those prospects are managers employees and sometimes even customers. Statements create a sense of direction and opportunity. They both are an essential part of the strategy-making process. Many people mistake vision statement for mission statement and sometimes one is simply used as a longer term version of the other. The Vision should describe why it is important to achieve the Mission. A Vision statement defines the purpose or broader goal for being in existence or in the business and can remain the same for decades if crafted well. A Mission statement is more specific to what the enterprise can achieve itself. Vision should describe what will be achieved in the wider sphere if the organization and others are successful in achieving their individual missions. A mission statement can resemble a vision statement in a few companies but that can be a grave mistake. It can confuse people. The mission statement can galvanize the people to achieve defined objectives even if they are stretch objectives provided it can be elucidated in SMART Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant and Time-bound terms. A mission statement provides a path to realize the vision in line with its values. These statements have a direct bearing on the bottom line and success of the organization. Which comes first The mission statement or the vision statement That depends. If you have a new start up business new program or plan to re engineer your current services then the vision will guide the mission statement and the rest of the strategic plan. If you have an established business where the 1225

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mission is established then many times the mission guides the vision statement and the rest of the strategic plan. Either way you need to know your fundamental purpose - the mission your current situation in terms of internal resources and capabilities strengths and/or weaknesses and external conditions opportunities and/or threats and where you want to go - the vision for the future. Its important that you keep the end or desired result in sight from the start. Features of an effective vision statement include:  Clarity and lack of ambiguity  Vivid and clear picture  Description of a bright future  Memorable and engaging wording  Realistic aspirations  Alignment with organizational values and culture To become really effective an organizational vision statement must the theory states become assimilated into the organizations culture. Leaders have the responsibility of communicating the vision regularly creating narratives that illustrate the vision acting as role-models by embodying the vision creating short-term objectives compatible with the vision and encouraging others to craft their own personal vision compatible with the organizations overall vision. In addition mission statements need to be subjected to an internal assessment and an external assessment. The internal assessment should focus on how members inside the organization interpret their mission statement. The external assessment — which includes all of the businesses stakeholders — is valuable since it offers a different perspective. These discrepancies between these two assessments can give insight on the organizations mission statement effectiveness. 1226

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Another approach to defining Vision and Mission is to pose two questions. Firstly "What aspirations does the organization have for the world in which it operates and has some influence over" and following on from this "What can and /or does the organization do or contribute to fulfill those aspirations". The succinct answer to the first question provides the basis of the Vision Statement. The answer to the second question determines the Mission Statement. MY MISSION Great people are ordinary people with commitment. “Men and women fail in their life not for lack of ability or brains but simply because they have never organized their energies around a central goal.” Elmer Wheeler. So just what is YOUR personal mission - What is the purpose of your existence - What gets you out of bed on a cold winters morning - What force drives you to action and productivity Its never too late or too early to do some serious thinking about what it is that drives you and what your personal mission is or should be. In all likelihood this is the most important thinking you can do to make a difference in how you take charge of your life Determine what it is you want in life and make it CLEAR and SPECIFIC. This is precisely the purpose of your mission statement. Your mission is the reason for your existence. It acts as a beacon—a clear and specific objective that everything else is guided by. When it is known understood accepted and 1227

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communicated positive things happen and energy and effort are no longer wasted. You will always know when you are headed in the right direction. The mission-setting process doesnt have to be complicated or longwinded. Here is an easy model to begin with: To use my……………………………………..skills talents etc. to…………………………………………….……actions etc. so that…………………………………….…….result. If you can do that in 25 words and commit it to memory and to your heart then you know your mission. Examples of mission statements - To create things of beauty so that others are inspired by and can enjoy them. An artist - To create magnificent buildings for social gatherings so that people can celebrate in maximum comfort. An architect. - To support others in their work so that the team gets the best result. A manager There are three important properties your mission statement must possess:  Unique: It must be yours and not belong to anybody else.  Stimulating: It must stir you into action.  Motivating: It must personally inspire you. If this is your first time with a mission statement dont agonize about your mission statement. Just get something down. If it doesn’t feel right change it until it does or come back to it later. Its useful to review your Mission Statement every three months and make those small adjustments that may occur as you grow. 1228

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MY VALUES Why set Values It is important to set long-term goals within the context of your values. If the goals you set are out of alignment from these values it will make those goals extremely difficult to achieve. For instance if you value health but you set a goal to achieve the top salespersons award and do nothing but work all year on that goal with no exercise eating poor foods and getting little sleep you might end up in hospital instead of receiving that award So list the values that determine the standards that you set. For example: love health truth happiness creativity achievement knowledge passion freedom and contribution. Check with your mission statement and note how these values can help as rudders steering you on the shortest course to your mission¾the beacon that illuminates your way. Clarifying Values Coachee instructions: For each of the values listed on the left indicate its level of importance by placing a checkmark in one of the columns to the right. Don’t think too long about each one because your first reactions are often the most accurate. When you’ve completed the survey identify the five values that are most important to you and write a short definition of what that value means in your life. Action values: Possible levels of importance: Unimportant not very important Important Critical 1229

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“I would like to . . . ” Create ideas Make things Fix things Help people Design systems Perform physical tasks Organize things Create beauty Explore ideas Follow directions Take responsibility Experience variety Improve society Laugh often Take risks Be in nature Manage people Work in teams Other: Result values: Possible levels of importance: Unimportant not very important Important Critical “I would like to have. . . ” Achievement Beauty around me Knowledge Pleasure Power Recognition Wealth Adventure Comfort Independence Leisure time Possessions Simplicity Security Structure/order Stability Wisdom Family harmony Friendship Self-respect Inner harmony Integrity Equality Love Other: Personal quality values: Possible levels of importance: Unimportant not very important Important Critical 1230

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“I want to be . . . ” Generous Fulfilled Healthy Moral Physically attractive Spiritual Ambitious Caring Cooperative Disciplined Positive Needed Happy Efficient Open-minded Competent Logical Sensitive Creative Fair Environmentally aware Honest Other: My Top Five Values - What this value means to me 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Source: Christine Bennett WorkVantage Inc. MY ROLES Why base your Goals on your Roles In life you have different roles depending on what you are doing and to whom you are relating. For example when you are talking with your parents your role is son or daughter but when you are talking to your children your role is mother or father. At work you may at various times be a manager a subordinate a co-worker a friend a confidante etc. At other times you may be a tennis player runner and so on. 1231

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Identifying your roles and developing a vision for each of them makes it easy to determine the long-term goals that will make your vision real. You may find it useful to categorize your roles into personal development career family and social areas. Within personal development you can later categorize your goals around the first three items of the Check-in physical mental and confidence Theres an old story about the young woodcutter who wanted to be the best. When he thought he was being beaten by an old hand the young man decided to miss his breaks and just keep chopping. At the end of the day however the old man still had more wood. You see he stopped for breaks during the day and spent some of that time in keeping his axe sharpened. Having well-tuned personal development goals is like having a sharp axe. Keep your axe sharp by keeping the physical mental and confidence personal role as positive as you can. It will enhance the achievement and fulfillment of all your other roles. MY VISION: Creating your Vision for Each Role A vision describes exactly what it will look like when you have fulfilled your role. For example for the role of team leader your vision could state: The team achieves results which are 10 above budget the team members support each other and doing their best as individuals and coachee queries are minimal. For a role as father your vision could state: I spend one day each weekend with the children and organize my time to attend school functions as appropriate. I enjoy being involved in their hobbies and interests and love my children very much. 1232

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METHODOLOGIES There are many approaches to strategic planning but typically a three- step process may be used:  Situation - evaluate the current situation and how it came about.  Target - define goals and/or objectives sometimes called ideal state  Path - map a possible route to the goals/objectives One alternative approach is called Draw-See-Think  Draw - what is the ideal image or the desired end state  See - what is todays situation What is the gap from ideal and why  Think - what specific actions must be taken to close the gap between todays situation and the ideal state  Plan - what resources are required to execute the activities An alternative to the Draw-See-Think approach is called See-Think-Draw  See - what is todays situation  Think - define goals/objectives  Draw - map a route to achieving the goals/objectives In other terms strategic planning can be as follows:  Vision - Define the vision and set a mission statement with hierarchy of goals and objectives  SWOT - Analysis conducted according to the desired goals  Formulate - Formulate actions and processes to be taken to attain these goals  Implement - Implementation of the agreed upon processes  Control - Monitor and get feedback from implemented processes to fully control the operation SITUATIONAL ANALYSIS 1233

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When developing strategies analysis of the organization and its environment as it is at the moment and how it may develop in the future is important. The analysis has to be executed at an internal level as well as an external level to identify all opportunities and threats of the external environment as well as the strengths and weaknesses of the organizations. There are several factors to assess in the external situation analysis: 1. Markets customers 2. Competition 3. Technology 4. Supplier markets 5. Labor markets 6. The economy 7. The regulatory environment It is rare to find all seven of these factors having critical importance. It is also uncommon to find that the first two - markets and competition - are not of critical importance. Bradford "External Situation - What to Consider" Analysis of the external environment normally focuses on the customer. Management should be visionary in formulating customer strategy and should do so by thinking about market environment shifts how these could impact customer sets and whether those customer sets are the ones the company wishes to serve. Analysis of the competitive environment is also performed many times based on the framework suggested by Michael Porter. 1234

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GOALS OBJECTIVES AND TARGETS Strategic planning is a very important business activity. It is also important in the public sector areas such as education. It is practiced widely informally and formally. Strategic planning and decision processes should end with objectives and a roadmap of ways to achieve those objectives. The following terms have been used in strategic planning: desired end states plans policies goals objectives strategies tactics and actions. Definitions vary overlap and fail to achieve clarity. The most common of these concepts are specific time bound statements of intended future results and general and continuing statements of intended future results which most models refer to as either goals or objectives sometimes interchangeably. One model of organizing objectives uses hierarchies. The items listed above may be organized in a hierarchy of means and ends and numbered as follows: Top Rank Objective TRO Second Rank Objective Third Rank Objective etc. From any rank the objective in a lower rank answers to the question "How" and the objective in a higher rank answers to the question "Why" The exception is the Top Rank Objective TRO: there is no answer to the "Why" question. That is how the TRO is defined. People typically have several goals at the same time. "Goal congruency" refers to how well the goals combine with each other. Does goal A appear compatible with goal B Do they fit together to form a unified strategy "Goal hierarchy" consists of the nesting of one or more goals within other goals. One approach recommends having short-term goals medium-term goals and long-term goals. In this model one can expect to attain short-term goals fairly easily: they stand just slightly above ones reach. At the other extreme long-term goals appear very difficult almost impossible to attain. Strategic management jargon sometimes refers to "Big Hairy Audacious Goals" BHAGs in this context. Using one goal as a stepping- stone to the next involves goal sequencing. A person or group starts by attaining the easy short-term goals then steps up to the medium-term 1235

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then to the long-term goals. Goal sequencing can create a "goal stairway". In an organizational setting the organization may co-ordinate goals so that they do not conflict with each other. The goals of one part of the organization should mesh compatibly with those of other parts of the organization. Source: Wikipedia – The free Encyclopedia Mission – Values – Roles – Vision intro Source: Achieve Your GOALS - The Complete Goal Management System - INFORMATION AND EDUCATION SERVICES www.thepdi.com - www.thepdi.com/donaldcarty © Copyright 2005 Personal Development Institute Atlanta Georgia 30518 USA 1236

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Is It A Vision Or A Mission A Goal Or An Objective by Alf Nucifora Ive seen and read marketing plans by the score and am often surprised by the confusion and misunderstanding that surrounds planning terminology. Todays primer lays out a precise and understandable explanation of the difference between the terms. Consider it "Strategic Plan Terminology 101." Its taken from an excellent document that crossed my desk unfortunately without an authors name attached. Kudos to the anonymous semanticist. Vision: A picture of the "preferred future" a statement that describes how the future will look if the organization achieves its ultimate aims e.g. "The widgets of choice for a value-focused world." Mission: A statement of the overall purpose of an organization. It describes what you do for whom you do it and the benefit e.g. "To provide consumers with high-quality price-competitive widgets to meet their personal business and recreational needs." Goals: Broad long-term aims that define accomplishment of the mission e.g. "Grow profitability. Maximize net income by increasing revenues and controlling costs." Objectives: Specific quantifiable realistic targets that measure the accomplishment of a goal over a specified period of time e.g. "Increase revenues by x in 2004. Limit increases in overhead costs to y. Achieve a z reduction in management staff through increased automation." Strategies: Broad activities required to achieve an objective control a critical success factor or overcome a barrier e.g. "Establish a partnership with a foreign manufacturer to revamp the Northeast plant. Implement a program to widely promote our success as a quality producer." 1237

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Tactics: Specific steps to be taken by whom by when and at what cost to implement a strategy e.g. "Initiate discussions with PR firm on quality promotion. Week of 8/16/04." This is where the detailed implementation tactics reside and is the portion of the plan that provides an executional roadmap combined with goalposts for performance measurement. Why it Matters Simply stated you cant plan accurately if you dont understand the territory its pathways and boundaries. Thats ultimately why so many plans are not worth much more than the paper theyre written on. Precise planning terminology forces focus in the planning process minimizing confusion as to planning direction. All parties are on the same page so to speak. It also necessitates thinking beyond todays tactical need a common weakness in many marketing planning protocols. To that point it seems that the most commonly committed mistake is the confusion between "strategy" and "tactics." As the above definition reveals they are not inter-changeable. The mistake often arises out of an imbalance between understanding the future and the tactical process of getting there. There is also the issue of insufficient accountability in the form of metrics and follow-up. The planning process demands measurement of performance. Without that measurement accountability is denied responsibility is skirted and "learning from the experience" is lost. All too often in the marketing process failure arises from a lack of planning and an unwillingness to do the preparatory homework. Its too easy to justify the decision based on gut instinct and "been there done that" experience. For a small company resource constrained in its marketing support that behavior is understandable sometimes inevitable. But its a bad habit. For most the advice is unequivocal. Every major marketing initiative demands a plan every plan needs a process. 1238

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15 Questions to Discover Your Life Purpose The following are a list of questions that can assist you in discovering your purpose. They are meant as a guide to help you get into a frame of mind that will be conducive to defining your personal mission. Simple Instructions:  Take out a few sheets of loose paper and a pen.  Find a place where you will not be interrupted. Turn off your cell phone.  Write the answers to each question down. Write the first thing that pops into your head. Write without editing. Use point form. It’s important to write out your answers rather than just thinking about them.  Write quickly. Give yourself less than 60 seconds a question. Preferably less than 30 seconds.  Be honest. Nobody will read it. It’s important to write without editing.  Enjoy the moment and smile as you write. 15 Questions: 1. What makes you smile Activities people events hobbies projects etc. 2. What are your favorite things to do in the past What about now 3. What activities make you lose track of time 4. What makes you feel great about yourself 5. Who inspires you most Anyone you know or do not know. Family friends authors artists leaders etc. Which qualities inspire you in each person 6. What are you naturally good at Skills abilities gifts etc. 7. What do people typically ask you for help in 1239

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8. If you had to teach something what would you teach 9. What would you regret not fully doing being or having in your life 10. You are now 90 years old sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired all the relationships you’ve developed what matters to you most List them out. 11. What are your deepest values Please select 3-5 and put in order most important to you: Achievement Adventure Beauty Being the best Challenge Comfort Courage Creativity Curiosity Education Empowerment Environment Family Financial freedom Fitness Friendship Giving I service Health Honesty Independence Inner peace Integrity Intelligence Intimacy Joy Leadership Learning Love Motivation Passion Performance Personal growth Play Productivity Primary Relationship Reliability Respect Security Spirituality Success Time freedom Variety 12. What were some challenges difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming How did you do it 1240

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13. What causes do you strongly believe in Connect with 14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be What would your message be 15. Given your talents passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve to help to contribute to people beings causes organization environment planet etc. Your Personal Mission Statement “Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply carefully and to align your behaviour with your beliefs” – Stephen Covey ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ A personal mission consists of 3 parts:  What do I want to do  Who do I want to help  What is the result What value will I create Steps to Creating Your Personal Mission Statement: 1. Do the exercise with the 15 questions above as quickly as you can. 2. List out actions words you connect with. a. Example: educate accomplish empower encourage improve help give guide inspire integrate master motivate nurture organize produce promote travel spread share satisfy understand teach write etc. 3. Based on your answers to the 15 questions. List everything and everyone that you believe you can help. a. Example: People creatures organizations causes groups environment etc. 1241

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4. Identify your end goal. How will the ‘who’ from your above answer benefit from what you ‘do’ 5. Combine steps 2-4 into a sentence or 2-3 sentences. About the Author: Tina Su is a mom a wife a lover of Apple products and a CHO Chief Happiness Officer for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. 1242

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4.23 ACTION PLANNING Action planning is a process which will help you to focus your ideas and to decide what steps you need to take to achieve particular goals that you may have. It is a statement of what you want to achieve over a given period of time. Preparing an action plan is a good way to help you to reach your objectives in life: dont worry about the future start planning for itIt involves:  Identifying your objectives  Setting objectives which are achievable measurable.  Ptiotiding your tasks effectively.  Identifying the steps needed to achieve your goals.  Using lists.  Being able to work effectively under pressure.  Completing work to a deadline.  Having a contingency plan Writing down your goals turns them into a plan not a dream. An effective action plan should give you a concrete timetable and set of clearly defined steps to help you to reach your objective rather than aimlessly wondering what to do next. It helps you to focus your ideas and provides you with an answer to the question ‘‘What do I do to achieve my objective’’. It’s OK to have several objectives but you will need to make a separate action plan for each otherwise things get confused. Although here we shall be applying the techniques to careers it can be used effectively to help you to reach your goals in many other aspects of your life. 1243

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The following are all valid goals for an action plan:  To get more involved in a student society to get to know more people.  Deciding what skills I need to improve and deciding how I will improve them. When careers action planning there are likely to be three main areas for action plans. These are:  Choosing the career you wish to enter.  Working out a strategy to help you enter this career e.g. application and interviews.  Developing skills that you need to acquire to allow you to enter the career of your choice and to be successful in it. 1244 A study of 327 job seekers.by Prof. Daniel Turban University of Missouri College of Business found that writing a plan at the start of your job search has a big impact on success: make a plan and continuously assess your progress. "Thinking about a plan acting on a plan and reflecting upon that a plan were important early in the job search while having positive emotions were important later in the job search" You also have to expect rejections and develop a coping strategy in advance. This should help maintain positive emotions during the process to improve your chances of getting a job. Positive emotions may help job seekers behave more confidently and cope better with stress “thereby responding more skillfully in interviews than job seekers with less positive emotions” “People don’t have strategies they don’t assess their plans and they don’t think about their strategies and reflect on whether it’s working or how to make them work better. They just don’t do it."

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ACTION PLANNING MODEL There are many different models of action planning but a good starting point is shown here. Action planning is a cyclical process and once you have been through one cycle you can start again at the beginning. Of course in real life it’s not quite as simple as this. The process is more organic and stages will overlap or you may change your goals as you progress and you must be prepared to revise your plan as circumstances dictate. The stages are as follows:  WHERE AM I NOW This is where you review your achievements and progress and undertake self-assessment.  WHERE DO I WANT TO BE This is where you decide your goals.  HOW DO I GET THERE This is where you define the strategy you will use to achieve your goals and to break down your goal into the smaller discreet steps you will need to take to achieve your target.  TAKING ACTION. This is the nitty gritty where you implement your plan  WHERE AM I NOW 1245

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The cycle begins again with a redefinition of your goals........ The main steps in preparing an action plan are as follows:  Have a clear objective. ‘‘Where do I want to be’’. To be motivating a goal needs to be challenging enough to stimulate us but not too difficult enough to be demoralising. It should be just outside your comfort zone: stretching but not highly stressful. Be precise about what you want to achieve  List the benefits you would gain by achieving your goal.  Start with what you will do NOW. There is no point in having an action plan that will start in six months time.  Define clearly the steps you will take. "How do I get there’’ Think of all the possible things you could do to take you closer to achieving your goal no matter how small. Break down any large steps into smaller components so it doesn’t seem so difficult to achieve. What is the biggest obstacle What could go wrong  Identify the end point for each step and give yourself a small reward for achieving it This could be sweets clothes a gadget book or CD or meal out with friends. 1246 In a survey of 50 start-up businesses those with a plan outperformed those without even if the plan was not followed Working together to develop a plan builds stronger relationships and a deeper shared understanding of what needs to be done so if unexpected things happen individuals can make good decisions. The best return occurs when just one percent of the time taken to carry out a task is spent on planning. Too much planning can be procrastination: delaying actually getting down to taking action. "In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless but planning is indispensable" President Eisenhower overlord of D-Day landings

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 Arrange the steps in a logical chronological order and put a date by which you will start each step. Put these dates into your diary or onto a calendar. Try to set yourself weekly goals: what research you will do into jobs what skills you will concentrate on learning etc. It’s also a good idea to get into the habit of planning a timetable each evening listing your tasks for the next day or two.  You need to consider if your plans are attainable and what would happen if you failed to achieve your goals. Try to map out several paths to your goal then if one becomes blocked another is available: build flexibility into your planning. People tend to strongly underestimate how long a project will take especially if working in a group because they tend to visualise everything going to plan with no problems. Think about the type of problems you might encounter at each step. What are the barriers in the way of achieving your goal What you would do to overcome these problems Concentrate 10 on the problem and 90 on the solution. Try to turn every problem into a challenge and every challenge into an opportunity.  Review your progress. Keep a diary or blog of your daily activities and record your progress as things happen: this keeps your plan as concrete as possible. A good time to start your review is about two weeks after you have begun. Review how far you have got towards your objective identify any mistakes you made and what you can learn from them look at any new ideas or opportunities that may have presented themselves and then revise your plan to incorporate these.  Mix with positive people who will encourage you to keep going Tell your friends or relatives about your goals. They will provide support when going gets tough and will also give you an incentive to keep going as youll feel embarrassed if you have to tell them youve given up 1247

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A study on 1979 Harvard MBA students asked them "Have you set clear written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them" Only 3 of the graduates had written goals and plans 13 had non- written goals and 84 had no specific goals at all. Ten years later they were interviewed again. The 13 of the class who had goals were earning on average twice as much as the 84 who had no goals. And the 3 who had clear written goals were earning on average ten times as much as the other 97 put together. Action generates the impetus for further action: if you want something done quickly give it to a busy person. The best time to do something is usually NOW Life satisfaction is greatest for those involved in short term goals which are enjoyable not too difficult and done in cooperation with others. Focus on one objective at a time and always have the next goal in mind. To accomplish more difficult tasks break them down into components. The most satisfaction comes from pursuing an objective not simply from achieving it. Ari Kiev It is good to have an end to journey toward but it is the journey that matters in the end. Ursula K. Le Guin Unless you have a definite precise clearly set goals you are not going to realize the maximum potential that lies within you. Zig Ziglar Well begun is half done. Mary Poppins 1248

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When the going gets tough the tough get going If you take a stand that is visible to others a drive arises to maintain that stand in order to look consistent. Public commitment makes people stubborn: A hardened smoker desperately wanted to stop smoking. She made a list of all the people who she really wanted to respect her then got some blank cards and wrote on the back of each card “ I promise you that I will never smoke another cigarette” and signed it. She gave or sent the cards to her family friends and boyfriend. Stopping was the hardest thing she had ever done but every time she thought about having a cigarette she pictured how all the people on her list would think of her if she broke her promise. She never smoked again. If you write your commitments on paper you tend to live up to what you have written down as written commitments require more effort to make than verbal ones and there is also a reminder for you. The process of writing things down also seems to embed the commitment in your brain: "One final tip before you get started: set a goal and write it down. Whatever the goal the important thing is that you set it so youve got something for which to aim- and that you write it down. There is something magical about writing things down. So set a goal and write it down. When you reach that goal set another and write that down. Youll be off and running." Amway Corporation From the excellent Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Professor Robert Cialdini 1249 Supportive text messages can double the chance of someone successfully quitting smoking according to a study published in The Lancet Over 10 of smokers who received encouraging texts such as "you can do it" had quit after six months but only 4.9 who did not have the same support gave up. Dr Caroline Free who led the trial said: "Text messages are a very convenient way for smokers to receive support to quit. People described txt2stop as being like having a friend encouraging them or an angel on their shoulder." Similar text messages could be used to help people modify other behaviour.

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Visualisation techniques can help prepare neural pathways in the brain for when the task is performed for real. However research has found that visualising just the outcome decreases chance of success so you need to imagine the steps along the way as well. Oettingen and Mayer found that students who reported fantasizing about success made fewer job applications received less job offers and had smaller salaries. So you need to realistically assess problems that could be encountered as well. EXAMPLE COMPLETED ACTION PLAN MY OBJECTIVE IS: To choose my future career TO ACHIEVE THIS I NEED TO: List the steps you need to take. Be detailed and specific not ‘‘Ill contact some employers’’ but ‘‘Find email addresses of 5 local employers who have marketing departments contact them" Date I expect to complete this step by My reward for completing this step will be I will tell my plan to: my three best friends my parents I will start my action plan on date: 3rd March Step 1. I will use the Prospects Planner computer guidance system to help me to identify jobs of interest 4th March Some nice chocolate Step 2. I will use the "What can I do with my degree in ..." pages to find out what jobs graduates from my subject can enter 6th March More nice chocolate Step 3. I will pick up booklets from the Career Service on some of the careers suggested and browse through these. 9th March Time in gym to burn off chocolate Step 4. I will use the Careers Network to arrange a day shadowing the work of a graduate in the Career that seems to be most of interest. Over Easter vacation Book by favourite author 1250

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Step 5. I will see my careers adviser to discuss the ideas I have got from the above and to narrow these down. By 10th May Meal out with friends What problems am I likely to face What will I do to overcome these Fear of life after university. Have procrastinated too long and now realise that I must take action or miss opportunities. Will I be able to arrange a suitable work-shadow If nobody suitable in the Careers Network may have to contact companies directly for help. © copyright of the University of Kent Careers Advisory Service 1251

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Source: http://healthskills.wordpress.com/ 1252

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4.24 THE POWER OF GOOD HABITS There are many documented reasons why people fail to achieve their full potential. As noted earlier the top three percent of the population are disciplined goal setters. What is interesting is that the next 27 only need to put in a small effort to move into the top group. The secret behind the effort is the development of habits and strategies which support the achievement of clear goals. Benjamin Franklin discovered this the hard way. He was receiving constant criticism about his negative communication. He listed all the elements in his life that he had the courage to say did not support him or his relationships. He worked on one of these elements each month. He had set goals to develop new successful habits. Look at the list on the next page. What habits do you need to change in order to achieve the success you deserve These habits and strategies are the basis of success in life. People who make a conscious effort to include these in their lives get positive results. What are you going to do about the habits and strategies you are not yet able to tick the Complete Goal Management System suggests that if there are some unchecked questions then they need to be included in your Overall Strategies. If you have specific strategies that are uniquely necessary for a specialist role you will need to add them later. For example an athlete may have to attend the gym every day for an hour a doctor may have to read a journal article every day. Keep referring to these questions as a monthly check and aim to have all strategies a part of your goals plan. Remember ... it takes courage to accept the truth. Successful people form habits to do the things that less successful people dont like to do. 1253

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Look through the following questions about useful habits and overall strategies and tick those that apply to you right now.  I have a clear sense of purpose or direction for my life.  I am able to stay focused and concentrate my efforts onto one definite aim.  I am usually able to make decisions and work consistently on them.  I am willing to take a chance on a positive outcome¾even if it is risky.  I am willing to do whatever it takes rather than look for something for nothing.  I control my negative thoughts.  I practice habits which contribute to my good health including a nutritious moderate diet regular exercise and meditation or yoga- type relaxation.  I tackle tasks immediately rather than putting them off and procrastinating.  I persist in the face of difficulty. When the going gets tough many people give up.  I am willing to aim high. Many people put up with average goals and mediocre performance.  I seek out and surround myself with people who encourage and coach me to great success. Too many people listen to those who say “you cant”.  I am willing to learn read and acquire the knowledge and skills to become a generalist able to adapt to and succeed in almost any environment. Contrary to popular beliefs people who become too specialized become white elephants who cannot keep up with the speed of changes in society.  I am enthusiastic committed and motivated.  I am pro-active ¾I make things happen in my life. Victims wait for things to happen to them.  I have clear roles in life and act in balance across work home self and community. There is a critical incubation period of about 30 days when you first apply new ideas. With the passage of time the action becomes habitual. A successful coach knows the importance of developing positive habits. 1254

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Consider this: Who Am I You may know me : Im your constant companion Im your greatest helper Im your heaviest burden I will push you onward or drag you down to failure I am at your command Half the tasks you do might as well be turned over to me. Im able to do them quickly and Im able to do them the same every time if thats what you want. Im easily managed all youve got to do is be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want it done after a few lessons Ill do it automatically. I am the servant of all great men and women of course servant of the failures as well. Ive made all the great men who have ever been great. And Ive made all the failures too. But I work with all the precision of a marvellous computer with the intelligence of a human being. You may run me for profit or you may run me to ruin it makes no difference to me. Take me. Be firm with me and Ill put the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I I am habit “Success is a matter of understanding and religiously practicing specific simple habits that always lead to success.” Robert J. Ringer 1255

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First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not…Habit is persistence in practice. Octavia Butler “Bad habits are like a comfortable bed easy to get into but hard to get out of.” Proverb “The more severe the pain or illness the more sever will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits or acquiring some new and better ones.” Peter McWilliams “The thought manifests as the word The word manifests as the deed The deed develops into habit And habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care And let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings.” The Buddha “Winning is not a sometime thing it’s an all time thing. You don’t win once in a while you don’t do things right once in a while you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately so is losing.” Vince Lombardi Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters. Nathaniel Emmons Source: Achieve Your GOALS - The Complete Goal Management System - INFORMATION AND EDUCATION SERVICES www.thepdi.com - www.thepdi.com/donaldcarty © Copyright 2005 Personal Development Institute Atlanta Georgia 30518 USA 1256

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4.25 THE ART OF DELEGATION Educating your clients in mastering the art of delegation is an invaluable coaching skill. Your ability to explain and coach your clients to implement the idea that they dont have to do everything themselves will have a huge impact on their business and personal life. So lets examine the subject in more detail: What tasks should be considered for delegation Powerful Tips for Mastering Delegation More Important Steps of the Delegation Process Overwhelm having too much to do and not enough time is often one of the biggest issues coaching clients bring to the table in both personal and work issues. But the answer is not just about getting someone else to do things for you. The art of delegation is about managing the process elegantly and smoothly. Before we get onto the tips I’d like to share the three big mistakes I find people make when they start to delegate. Three Delegation Mistakes 1. Abdication: The first is “delegation by abdication”. That is just tell a subordinate or whoever to just get on with the job without giving them proper instructions or a context for what they have to do and by when. And then carpeting them when they don’t get it right 2. Too much information Of course instructions need to be given but the second mistake I believe is giving them too much instruction as to exactly approach the task. That is insisting they do it your way rather than the way that is going to work best for them. In this context you might find it useful to read how I use the Kolbe™ Index in helping clients understand how best they and their staff operate. And there are many other profiling tools that are useful in this regard. 1257

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3. No Acknowledgement: And finally a huge mistake is not to acknowledge the delegatee sufficiently when the project is completed or even give praise along the way. Acknowledgment is so important to people and I find disappointment and frustration at work is often because many executives and CEO’s fail to give their staff enough positive encouragement and feedback. Read more about the motivating power of acknowledgement in my recent Coach the Coach tip. So there are my pet delegations mistakes. Now let’s get positive and look at how to educate your clients on the art of delegation what they should aim to delegate the steps of delegation and some useful delegation tips. What should be considered for delegation  Tasks that consume your time but are not necessarily the best use of your time  Things you are not particularly good at or don’t like doing and someone else could do better. For instance if you are hopeless at proof reading get bored and can’t trust yourself to get it right. Is this the best use of my time A good way to hone in on this is to keep a diary of everything you do throughout the day and keep asking yourself “Is this the best use of my time” or “Could somebody else be doing this”. This is particularly important if you have challenges with time management at work. The aim is to delegate but keep control. 1258

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10 Tips for Mastering the Art of delegation 1. Understanding: Make sure those you are delegating to have a clear understanding of the task required the outcome and by when it is to be completed. Make them feel an important part of the project. 2. Specificity: Be specific about what guidelines must be followed company policy etc and where can the delagatee use their own initiative and method to reach the outcome. 3. Resources: Give information on where to find resources available to help them with the task. Advise what is available and what may be needed. 4. Reporting: Initiate a time-line for them to report back to you on progress. 5. Big Picture:Make sure the delegatee knows the place the task has in the overall project and what the positive outcome of their completion of the task is. 6. Let Go Once you have delegated and set up a framework for reporting let them get on with it and get out of the way. 7. More let go: Where possible avoid delegating methods we all have our own best way of doing things rather concentrate on results. 8. Be Available: Be available and approachable for help if needed but avoid being too intrusive so they feel you dont trust them. 9. Encourage them to think for themselves Have a policy that before they come to you for help they have thought up some possible solution/s themselves. Avoid poo pooing those solutions however untenable rather acknowledge and add your opinion and expertise to theirs. 10. Be realistic: Where relevant ask the delegatee how long they think they need to complete the job. Encourage them to be realistic and not over-promise. 1259

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And finally make you delegatees accountable. Part of the art of delegation and your personal time management at work and at home is encouraging your staff/team/family to be more responsible and accountable. Make them feel good about helping you and contributing to the overall big picture. Ask them what they think they could help you with More Steps of Delegation  Make a list of all possible activities or projects you might consider delegating be it an ongoing delegation or a specific project. Anything from coffee making to event management for instance  Don’t censor yourself you can always change your mind as you work through the list but please don’t decide you really can still do it all yourself☺.  Autonomy/authority of the person do others need to be made aware of this.  Organize feedback meetings for long or complex jobs. Source: Weny Buckingham: http://www.all-about-becoming-a-life- coach.com/art-of-delegation.htmlixzz1qnFm8uod Managing The Risk of Delegation 1260

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Delegation can be one of the most crippling tasks for a new manager. New managers often cling to their workload as if it were their first born child or any child for that matter. They protect and hide these proverbial children as if protecting them from the evils of the world. They fear that it can never be done as good as they do it. Therefore their misplaced pride leaves a disengaged workforce on the sidelines. Delegation doesn’t have to be painful. In fact any seasoned manager will praise this strategy as necessary. An avoidance of delegation is a rookie mistake when managing. This blog post is one of two designed to help you overcome that hurdle. The new manager has probably heard it a million times. Delegation is necessary. Those that do it reap rewards that help them get results and probably help them end their day at a decent hour. The first step to convince those struggling with delegation is to sell you the benefits of this essential strategy.  Delegation is a tool that helps your team to grow. As a manager one of your roles is undoubtedly to develop your staff. Delegation helps you achieve that.  Delegation gives you the opportunity to discover a new and perhaps more effective and efficient way of doing something.  Delegation optimizes the workday. YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL YOURSELF  Delegation is a clear demonstration of Trust. It is difficult to build a relationship with your team without it.  Delegation builds team cohesion and expands everyone’s understanding of their business.  Delegation saves time. Hopefully those reasons resonate for you if you haven’t already aggressively started a delegation campaign. That’s the WIIFM What’s In It For Me. Usually managers new and old understand they should be 1261

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delegating but there’s an obstacle that they can’t get around. This manager will make excuses like the following:  No one can do it better than me  I don’t have time to train someone to do it  I’ll just have to do it over myself  My team is already over tasked  I don’t have anyone on my team who can handle this task If any of those statements have crossed your lips this post couldn’t come any sooner. It’s time for you to release your fears. Fear will destroy your ability as a manager. Your success is dependent on using the strategy of delegation. In the next post we’ll review a tool to help you start your delegation strategy. You realize the benefits and the need for every manager to use a delegation strategy. First steps can be scary. Perhaps an absence of delegation has gotten you to this point. It’s difficult to adjust and change when your experience is telling you otherwise. One of the biggest obstacles to trying something new is having a plan to do it. Simply convincing you of the power of delegation is hardly enough to make the transition easy from the way you managed in the past to this foreign style of management that you are not accustomed. The Delegation Risk tool is designed to help you put your strategy in perspective and protect those concerns you have that prevent you from managing through delegation. The Delegation Risk tool DRT is a way for you to assess the level of risk in a decision to delegate a task. Using the tool will provide you with perspective and peace of mind. Figure 1 is the Delegation Risk tool. The tools should be applied separately for each of three categories.  Cognitive  Technical  Interpersonal 1262

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 Combination The Cognitive Category is for those tasks that challenge problem solving skills. The Technical Category is for those tasks that challenge the ability to conduct a task. The Interpersonal Category is for those tasks that challenge the ability to work with other people in a team or group setting. Finally the Combination Category is for those tasks that are complex and involve a combination of 2 or more skills of the other categories. The delegate the employee you are delegating to must have a competence appropriate for each category to minimize risk. There are two scales in the DRT. The first scale is the competence level of each of your employees. This is an individual assessment not a group assessment. The second scale is your assessment of the difficulty of the task. These two measurements intersect to create 4 quadrants that help 1263

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us to define the level or risk and growth potential for the delegate a decision to delegate will have on your goals. The first scale is the employee’s competence level. Each of your employees will have a unique position on this scale. It’s clear everyone has unique talents and developmental needs. We all have both. Competence is measured from low to high. Low competence is an employee who has limited to no cognitive technical or interpersonal competence. High competence is an employee who has exceptional cognitive technical or interpersonal competence. Once you identify the placement of the employee on this scale it is time to analyze the task. The second scale measures the difficulty in completing the task. Like the first scale every task is unique as well. When using this tool you are not measuring the risk of all your tasks against all your employees. Instead you are measuring each task uniquely with each employee. The task difficulty is measured from simple to complex. A simple task is one that involves very little training and few steps. These tasks are usually linear. That is the steps are sequential and involve little to no deviance from the standard. A complex task may involve in depth training and multiple steps. These tasks may be non-linear. That is there may be a need to make decisions. Once you identify the placement of the task difficulty you can cross reference the two positions to determine the risk quadrant. The risk quadrant is not a warning to avoid delegating. It is a warning that you have to put parameters into your strategy to ensure the delegate is successful. There are four quadrants that classify the risk and growth potential of a decision to delegate.  Quadrant 1 – Low Risk / High Growth  Quadrant 2 – High Risk / Low Growth  Quadrant 3 – Low Risk / Low Growth  Quadrant 4 – High Risk / High Growth Quadrant 1 is for low to moderate competence delegates and the task is simple. Growth is high because the assignment is manageable for them yet is unique to their routine. It creates an opportunity for this employee to grow towards the High Competence end of the scale. Quadrant one also prepares this employee for more complex tasks in the future. The 1264

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risk is low because these tasks are within the ability range of the delegate. Quadrant 2 is for low to moderate competence delegates and the task is complex. Growth is low because the assignment will likely encourage failure and discouragement. Delegates will rarely move from the low end of the competence scale when assigned to this quadrant. The risk is high because these tasks are outside of the ability range of the delegate. Quadrant 3 is for high competence delegates and the task is simple. Growth is low because the assignment is well below their abilities. The task may even seem trivial and busy work to them. These tasks may de- motivate your high competence delegates. The risk level is low because the task falls well within or below their level of ability. There is very little challenge in the task. Quadrant 4 is for high competence delegates and the task is simple. Growth is high because the task is challenging and stimulates the use of complex skills. The delegate often learns and this typically has a strengthening effect on their competence. The risk level is high. The task is complex and if new to the delegate they may still need guidance. Complex tasks often come with high risk levels despite the competence of the employee. The Delegation Risk Tool is designed to help you assess risk and manage your delegation strategy. No quadrant is a disqualification to delegate. Each quadrant adds perspective and gives you an opportunity to adjust your delegation strategy appropriately. The higher the risk means you need to be involved closer to the assignment. Perhaps it means frequent follow ups or partnership with someone else who has completed the task in the past. As you consider this tool it should make delegation more palatable. Consider the growth potential low or high your return on investment. As your employees grow they become more valuable to you and your organization. There is a lot to be gained from delegation. Unfortunately there is a lot you are losing from not delegating. Source: Terrence Wing - http://liquidlearn.com/ 1265

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4.26 USING AFFIRMATIONS AND POSITIVE THINKING If you think you can or think you cant you are probably right Henry Ford An affirmation is a thought of a desired condition or thing. Constant repetition of an affirmation leads to its acceptance by the mind. Since our environment reflects our thinking we can influence our realities by changing our beliefs. Our dominant thoughts and feelings become our experiences. Our lives become what we affirm. To apply an affirmation during the day use the following guidelines:  Always affirm in the present tense. The desired condition is always happening NOW. Rather than say “I am getting fit” which places the event in the future where it may never eventuate put it in the present and say “I am fit”.  Always affirm in the positive and not in the negative. Instead of saying “I wont break my diet” say “I prefer nutritious foods”.  Write the affirmation down and paste it on your mirror telephone car dashboard or anywhere you will see it during the day.  Write the affirmation by hand at least 10 times during the day. If the critical voice inside raises any objections dispute it strongly and provide evidence. If you affirm “I am confident and capable” and your critic says “Youre weak and hopeless” remind yourself of a past success and reaffirm your positive thought “I did my best in the last test and got top marks: I am confident and capable”.  Read the affirmation as often as you can out loud.  Sing or chant your affirmation out loud as much as possible  Record your own voice saying the affirmation on an audiotape and play it while you are going to sleep. Source: Achieve Your GOALS - The Complete Goal Management System - INFORMATION AND EDUCATION SERVICES www.thepdi.com - www.thepdi.com/donaldcarty 1267

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© Copyright 2005 Personal Development Institute Atlanta Georgia 30518 USA The Power of Positive Affirmations Many times people think of affirmations as cheering your clients on sort of like becoming their own personal cheerleader. In actuality that is not what positive affirmations are. Sure it is OK to say “great job” and “wow you really did well by picking a healthy choice at that party.” However affirmations are more of just affirming the good things that your clients do. Affirm is defined as “to declare positively or firmly” or another definition is “to maintain to be true.” Examples of affirming responses include:  “I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me today.”  “You are clearly a very resourceful person.”  “You handled yourself really well in that situation.”  “That is a good/great suggestion.”  “If I were in your shoes I do not know if I could have managed nearly as well.”  “I have enjoyed talking with you today.”  “Thank you for sharing all of that information.”  “I am confident you can accomplish your goal if you decide that is what you want to do.”  “I know you can do this.”  “I know you can do this because you were able to ____________ mention past success in life.” Using positive affirmations is a powerful tool that is used in motivational interviewing. Motivational interviewing is a counseling technique that is associated with health behavior change. William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick authors of Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change 1268

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describe four key components of motivational interviewing as OARS:  Open ended questions  Affirmations positive  Reflecting  Summarizing Positive thinking to achieve success Coach your clients to use self-talk to recognize negative or irrational thoughts stop the thought and rewrite the thought in their mind in a positive way. Negative thoughts can get in the way of your clients accomplishing their goals. Thinking positively can affect their actions mood and feelings about their goal of a positive change. Thought-stopping is one technique that can help clients get rid of unwanted or negative thoughts. Your clients may dwell or obsess on thoughts that make them worry feel sad or feel bad about themselves. When they practice thought-stopping these unwanted thoughts occur less often. Over time the thoughts become easier to ignore or may not occur at all. Heres an example of how thought-stopping might work. Pretend that you are on a diet. One night you go to a birthday party and eat several slices of pizza and a big piece of cake. All the way home you are mad at yourself for consuming so many calories. “I dont know why I bother trying to lose weight. I have no will power. I might as well forget about it.” You get home and continue to eat even though you are not hungry. You eat because you feel you fell off the plan—so now everything is over. This is not true When you start to think of yourself eating more or forgetting about the healthy eating plan all together you say “stop” out loud or quietly in your mind. You get up and move around or find something else to do. Then you think of something pleasant to take your mind off of that thought such as a trip you are planning to take or a movie you recently saw that made you laugh. According to Marianne Flagg author of Positive Thinking Stopping Unwanted Thoughts thought-stopping includes three parts: 1269

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 Watch: Notice your thoughts which are sometimes called “self-talk.” Some people do not pay much attention to what they tell themselves. If they happen to notice that they have just told themselves they are lazy or have no will power they just accept that discouraging thought as fact.  Check: Look at your thoughts and ask if they are completely true. Ask yourself if these thoughts are untrue or exaggerated. Maybe you are ignoring something positive.  Correct: Replace the negative thoughts with positive helpful thoughts. This is the step where you can change the way you feel. Check your thoughts. According to Flagg several kinds of irrational thoughts exist including: Focusing on the negative:  Example: “I ruined my eating plan this week by having so much pizza tonight.”  Reality: Did you stick to your eating plan most of the week If you did then you are not giving yourself credit for all the positive things you did that week.  Should: People sometimes have set ideas about how they should act. If you hear yourself saying that you or other people should ought to or have to do something then you are possibly setting yourself up to feel bad.  Example: “I should never have pizza or dessert.”  Reality: If you really never want to have pizza or dessert again that is fine. However many people find a way to work these foods into their eating plan and stay at a healthy weight. They try to have a flexible eating plan. Overgeneralizing: This is taking one example and saying it is true for everything. Look for words such as “never” and “always.”  Example: “I can never stick with an exercise plan.” 1270

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 Reality: Have you ever made a vow to exercise and stuck to it If you did it before you can do it again. Even if you were not able to do it in the past that does not mean you can not stick to a plan in the future. All-or-nothing thinking: This also is called black-or-white thinking.  Example: “If I can not stay on my eating plan all the time I will just give up.”  Reality: Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. One slipup does not mean you can not get back to your plan the next day. Have your clients correct their thoughts. After they check the truth of the thought the next step is to correct it and replace the unhelpful thought with a more positive helpful one. Keeping a journal of thoughts is one of the best ways to practice watching checking and correcting thoughts. It helps your clients become more aware of their self-talk. An example of a thought diary follows. By writing thoughts down every day helpful thoughts will soon come naturally. Thought diary Watch for a Negative Thought Check for a Type of Thought Correct With a Positive Thought “I should have never had that piece of cake for dessert.” Should “At least I did not eat a corner piece of cake which has even more calories. Having dessert every now and then is OK if it is part of my eating plan.” “I ruined my eating plan by having so much Focusing on negative “I wish I had not eaten so much pasta. But it is only one meal. I 1271

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pasta tonight.” stuck to my eating plan really well the rest of the week.” “I can never stick with an exercise plan.” Overgeneralizing “I have had some problems sticking with an exercise plan in the past but that does not mean I can not do it in the future. I have made other changes in my life.” “If I can not lose 8 pounds lb this month then I am going to give up this eating plan.” All or nothing “I am going to try to set a realistic goal. Maybe it is a smaller goal than before but I still am working toward a healthy weight. After all even losing ½-1 lb/week is moving in the right direction and I still have to create a 250- to 500-calorie deficit every single day so I am doing something right even if I just lose a small amount.” Remind your clients that what they think can affect their actions mood and feelings. Thought-stopping will help change how they think so that they feel better. Changing thinking will take some time. They will need to practice thought-stopping every day. After a while they will have the ability to stop those unwanted thoughts right away. Stress that they can do it 1272

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References Flagg M. Positive thinking: stopping unwanted thoughts. Available at: http://www.pamf.org/health/healthinfo/ACtypeinfohwiduf9938 §ionuf9939. Accessed October 3 2009. Miller WR Rollnick S. Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change. New York NY: The Guilford Press 2002. Contributed by Shawna Gornick-Ilagan MS RD CWPC 1273

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4.27 STAGES OF THE CHANGE CONTINUUM Facilitating Behavior Change Motivation is a key factor in successful behavior change This chapter presents techniques that will be useful in assessing motivation and helping others increase their intrinsic motivation to change their behavior. READINESS TO CHANGE Behavior change is rarely a discrete single event. During the past decade behavior change has come to be understood as a process of identifiable stages through which people pass Zimmerman et al. 2000. The Stages of Change model describes five stages of readiness: precontemplation contemplation prepar-ation action and maintenance - and provides a framework for understanding behavior change DiClemente and Prochaska 1998. For most people behavior change occurs gradually over time with the person progressing from being uninterested unaware or unwilling to make a change precontemplation to considering a change contemplation to deciding and preparing to make a change preparation. This is followed by definitive action and attempts to maintain the new behavior over time maintenance. People can progress in both directions in the stages of change. Most people will 1274

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"recycle" through the stages of change several times before the change becomes fully established Zimmerman et al. 2000. The Stages of Change model is useful for identifying appropriate interventions to foster positive behavior change Table 6 by identifying where a person is in the change process interventions can be tailored to the persons "readiness" to change Zimmerman et al. 2000. Anything that moves a person along the continuum towards making a positive change should be viewed as a success. Once the person reaches the contemplation stage additional strategies can be employed to help the person move along the stages of change. It is important to evaluate a persons readiness to change for any proposed intervention Zimmerman et al. 2000. Interventions that are not staged to the readiness of the individual will be less likely to succeed. Also interventions that try to move a person too quickly through the stages of change are more likely to create resistance that will impede behavior change. For example if trying to get a person to quit smoking it is essential to know where the person is in his or her readiness to stop. A person who is not even thinking about quitting smoking precontemplation is generally not ready to receive information about specific smoking cessation aids. In this case focusing the intervention on smoking cessation aids sends the message that the health care provider is not really listening. This may not only damage rapport but can also make the person even more resistant to quitting smoking. A more stage-specific intervention with this person would be to try to get the person to think about quitting contemplation. Once the person reaches the contemplation stages additional strategies can be employed to continue to move the person through the stages of behavioral change. Anything that moves a person along the continuum toward making a positive change should be viewed as a success. Employing stage-specific interventions will decrease provider frustration by lessening the unrealistic expectation that change will occur with a single intervention. CHARACTERISTICS AND STRATEGIES OF THE STAGES STAGE CHARACTERISTICS STRATEGIES 1275

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Precontemplation unaware The person is not even considering changing. They may be "in denial" about their health problem or not consider it serious. They may have tried unsuccessfully to change so many times that they have given up. Educate on risks versus benefits and positive outcomes related to change Contemplation Aware concerned knowledgeable The person is ambivalent about changing. During this stage the person weighs benefits versus costs or barriers e.g. time expense bother fear. Identify barriers and misconceptions Address concerns Identify support systems Preparation Motivated to change The person is prepared to experiment with small changes. Develop realistic goals and timeline for change Provide positive reinforcement Action Trying new behaviour The person takes definitive action to change behavior. Provide positive reinforcement Maintenance and Relapse Prevention Sustaining new behaviour The person strives to maintain the new behavior over the long term. Provide encouragement and support Source: Zimmerman et al. 2000 Tabor and Lopez 2004 A question that can be put to individuals to help evaluate their readiness to change can be as simple as: "Are you willing to take a medication to treat your condition" Readiness to change can also be evaluated using a more quantitative scale: "How ready are you on a scale from 1 to 10 to initiate this therapy medication diet exercises to treat your condition" 1276

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Two major factors that have been found to affect a persons readiness to change are "importance" and "self efficacy". Importance is determined by what value a person places on making the change. Self efficacy is a persons belief or confidence in their ability to succeed at making the change. Depending on the health scenario people may exhibit different levels of importance and self efficacy Rollnick et al. 1999. A person who is overweight may be convinced of the importance of losing weight but have a low level of confidence based on previous failure to lose weight or keep weight off. A person who is newly diagnosed with hypertension may be confident that they can take a pill to lower blood pressure but are not convinced of the importance of this action. A deficiency in either importance or self efficacy can lead to a persons unwillingness to commit to change. The Readiness-to-Change Ruler is used to assess a persons willingness or readiness to change determine where they are on the continuum between "not prepared to change" and "already changing" and promote identification and discussion of perceived barriers to change. The Readiness-to-Change Ruler can be used as a quick assessment of a persons present motivational state relative to changing a specific behavior and can serve as the basis for motivation-based interventions to elicit behavior change such as motivational interviewing. Source: Copyright � 2006 American Society on Aging and American Society of Consultant Pharmacists Foundation all rights reserved. 1277

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Audiences along a Behavior Change Continuum: Possible Communication Strategies 1278

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4.28 CONGRUENCE Be authentic genuine open and honest to a coachee. Help him in a pleasant and straightforward way to address his problems. You are no good to a coachee if you dont help him discover what the real problem is and how he might solve it. Discovering the truth can be painful to the coachee but the way you assist him can make all the difference. Adjust your approach to the type of coachee. Avoid creating a sense of being exposed or having to get all defensive because you are too direct or too assertive. The goal is to help the coachee not to be assertive. Act like a friend. Nobody listens to me. I feel like I dont exist. At home at the office whatever I say it doesnt register. They think they know it all. Why dont they listen I have forty years of experience. Youre telling me people dont listen to you. During our discussions you have taken the initiative and a tight control. Its been hard for me to break into the conversation or to turn it into a dialogue. I can imagine that some people dislike that and therefore ignore you. Do you think it might be possible that this creates the impression people arent listening to you Well uh... I dont know. I have noticed you cross your arms a lot and that you are often looking at the floor. Mister Johnson.... No just listen to me for once. Maybe its me but every time I try to say something you interrupt me. How is that in other situations for instance when someone wants to explain something to you In the next example the coachee is an overaged hippie looking for work: Okay you didnt get the job. That can happen to the best of us. I know this is not a job interview but when I look at you... the way youre dressed your unconventional hairdo the odour around you - I wonder what a potential employer thinks of it and if thats what he is looking for Has he gone crazy to say all that the effing wanker 1279

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I can take a lot and frankly you can say what you like in here but with that kind of language it is quite possible your teacher doesnt think too highly of you. A blond visits the doctor and asks... What strikes me is that every time we get to the heart of the matter you start telling a joke. The jokes make me laugh but what I would really like to do is to help you find out what the problem really is and to help you solve it. Source: The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen 1280

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4.29 AUTHENTICITY Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose but no power to escape the necessity of choice. Ayn Rand philosopher The concept of authenticity has received a significant amount of attention recently as people search for meaning and happiness particularly in their work lives. How one chooses to try to live more authentically depends on their own perspective on authenticity. Like many other popular concepts different people have different views about authenticity and many people feel very strongly about their own views. Some people might assert that an individual is being authentic if they are being completely honest and participating in the here-and-now eg an honest conversation with a friend completely focused on cleaning out the garage etc. There are others who assert that authenticity involves many other features including eg always being centered with themselves and others living in a completely integrated fashion with their own values and principles always feeling complete meaning or sense of purpose in their lives etc. The concepts of "authenticity" and "meaning" can seem almost the same. However the major philosophical movement called existentialism has studied authenticity for centuries and helps us understand more abut what authenticity is along with its relationship to the concept of meaning. Existentialists assert that if an individual is not living authentically in their lives then they lose meaning and can fall into chronic anxiety boredom and despair. People might pursue "quick fixes" to avoid the responsibility of living authentically eg quick fixes such as anesthetizing themselves with alcohol or drugs living in fantasies etc. Others might even assert that its inauthentic to pursue any approach programs books etc. that promises to help people transcend escape the responsibilities -- and sometimes drudgery -- of day-to-day living. Regardless of others perspectives on authenticity its important for people in management to live and work as authentically as possible -- a goal that is usually often difficult to achieve particularly in large 1281

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organizations. As mentioned above how one chooses to live a more authentic life depends on their perspective. A person might choose to appreciate more their own current approach to life or meditate on a regular basis or journal write down their thoughts or engage in regular retreats or sign up for a more complete program etc. Major Benefits of Authenticity Peter Block in his book Flawless Consulting asserts that authenticity is one of the critical aspects of successful consulting along with successfully carrying out the phases of consulting. There are several reasons for the importance of authenticity. 1. Encourages coachees to be open honest and direct in the here-and- now. The collaborative consultant wants the coachee to be as open and honest as possible. The consultant can encourage open and honest behavior in others by modeling that behavior themselves. This helps the consultant to fully understand the coachee and provide useful feedback that the coachee will hear as well. Authenticity from your coachee also provides extremely valuable feedback to you. Frequently you do not have sufficient opportunity to continually learn about yourself particularly in settings with your coachees. Coachees who choose to be authentic around you are offering you a precious gift that can be used by you to cultivate a collaborative consulting relationship with them and others. 2. Builds coachee’s trust and confidence in your relationship. You can build a strong relationship with your coachee by showing them that you trust them enough to be able to handle the truth. In turn they will do the same thing for you. Trust and confidence are critical ingredients for a successful working relationship between you and your coachee. 3. Deals with issues before the issues fester. When people express themselves honestly in the here-and-now they are much more likely to report issues as soon as they notice them. This 1282

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ensures that issues are addressed when they occur rather than festering until they show themselves as major forms of resistance to change during the project. 4. Considers important “data” about the coachee’s situation. Information that you gather from your other senses is important data about your coachee’s situation. The more open and honest that you can be about your own perceptions the more likely that the data from your senses will be accurate. Many times that data can be used to more accurately understand your coachee’s situation. 5. Ensures organizational change efforts remain relevant realistic and flexible. Plans rarely are implemented as planned. Authentic behavior from your coachees helps all parties involved to accurately perceive and talk about any changes in the project so as a result plans can be updated with those changes and thereby remain up-to-date. Perhaps Terry in his book Authentic Leadership puts it best: “authenticity self-corrects.” 1283

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Key Guidelines to Authentic Behavior Block and various schools of psychology for example Carl Rogers’ self- directed therapy describe the following core characteristics of authentic behavior. Considering their descriptions authentic behavior is more attainable than many believe and it might help you to work easier rather than work harder in your projects for change. 1. Honest -- Speak the truth. 2. Direct -- Speak in terms that are clear concise and focused. 3. About here-and-now -- Speak about what is going on right now. 4. From you -- Report your own experience of the here-and-now. 5. Non-judgmental of others -- Speak about what you are experiencing around others not of your judgments of others. Unless you are authentic in a supportive manner coachees might feel like you are being aggressive. Aggressive behavior is perceived as demanding forceful arrogant and even hostile. That can cause discomfort alienation confusion and distrust between you and your coachees. Experienced consultants have learned to employ authentic communication in a manner that is completely honest yet remains supportive and respectful. Note that authentic behavior does not always mean the consultant’s speaking the truth about anything and everything all the time. Sometimes the consultant senses that the coachee is not yet ready to hear about the consultant’s speculations for example about causes of issues or the coachee’s role in those issues. Sometimes these speculations would simply overwhelm and confuse the coachee. In every case it is up to the consultant’s judgment as to how much they “think out loud.” However usually there is more of a downside to not being authentic than the downside of sharing your thoughts and impressions with your coachees. 1284

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4.30 PARADIGMS Businessdictionary.com defines paradigm as: Intellectual perception or view accepted by an individual or a society as a clear example model or pattern of how things work in the world. Their definition of paradigm shift is: A fundamental change in an individuals or a societys view of how things work in the world. For example the shift from earth to sun as the center of solar system humors to microbes as causes of disease heart to brain as the seat of thinking and feeling. Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/paradigm.htmlixzz1kh aEStEu Webster Dictionary describes a paradigm as "an example or pattern: small self-contained simplified examples that we use to illustrate procedures processes and theoretical points." The most quoted definition of paradigm is Thomas Kuhns 1962 1970 i.e. paradigm as the underlying assumptions and intellectual structure upon which research and development in a field of inquiry is based. The other definitions in the research literature include: 1. Patton 1990: A paradigm is a world view a general perspective a way of breaking down the complexity of the real world. 2. Paradigm is an interpretative framework which is guided by "a set of beliefs and feelings about the world and how it should be understood and studied." Guba 1990. Denzin and Lincoln 2001 listed three categories of those beliefs:  Ontology: what kind of being is the human being. Ontology deals with the question of what is real.  Epistemology: what is the relationship between the inquirer and the known: "epistemology is the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of knowledge and the process by 1285

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which knowledge is acquired and validated" Gall Borg Gall 1996  Methodology: how do we know the world or gain knowledge of it When challenging the assumptions underlying positivism Lincoln and Guba 2000 also identified two more categories that will distinguish different paradigms i.e. beliefs in causality and oxiology. The assumptions of causality asserts the position of the nature and possibility of causal relationship oxiology deals with the issues about value. Specific assumptions about research include the role of value in research how to avoid value from influencing research and how best to use research products Baptiste 2000. Dill and Romiszowski 1997 stated the functions of paradigms as follows:  Define how the world works how knowledge is extracted from this world and how one is to think write and talk about this knowledge  Define the types of questions to be asked and the methodologies to be used in answering  Decide what is published and what is not published  Structure the world of the academic worker  Provide its meaning and its significance Source: http://www.personal.psu.edu/wxh139/paradigm.htm The Pennsylvania State University ©2010. All rights reserved. Paradigms are an effort to make things explainable and understandable they drive all behavior and behavior drives results. Paradigms are mental models or ways of thinking about something they define what we view as important and how we approach problems and activities. They focus our attention they concentrate our efforts on what we have deemed to be important they give us the confidence to solve problems. Ideally shifting your paradigms will allow you to change from who you think you are to who you truly are. It is a movement from the accepted 1286

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paradigm to a new one a restructuring of the patterns we rely on for decision-making and is the only way to achieve a better outcome. The problem with a paradigm shift is that you do not know you are in it until the new paradigm becomes the conventional wisdom rarely do people like Einstein come along and write a small book and shatter a paradigm as he did overturning Newtonian physics which had dominated for hundreds of years and within the scientific community was the prevailing paradigm of thought. The process the mind goes through during a paradigm shift is to many fascinating. Paradigm shifts can be shaped by the choices we make by forces beyond our control or a combination of the two.They are not just ideas that are used by scientists they are a part of the way our brains work and we all rely upon them.They are one way of creating an instant belief change and can take place only after a sudden and opposite change in our perceptions which is normally different from reality. Perhaps the greatest barrier to shifting our paradigms in some cases is the reality of paradigm paralysis the inability or refusal to see beyond the current models of thinking. This is similar to what Psychologists term Confirmation Bias which is usually defined as when as humans we seek out information that confirms our held beliefs and ignore facts that run counter to those beliefs. Historically one such shift is the Copernican revolution in which a belief in the world being flat was first challenged by the invention of the telescope and then with the progression of science discarded. Also consider the Swiss who failed to patent or market the quartz watch even though they invented it because they couldnt shift paradigms. They couldnt shift paradigms because they couldnt see that there would be a market for another kind of watch besides the kind they had already been successfully making and selling for generations. Essentially a paradigm shift is a complete change in thinking or belief systems that allow the creation of a new condition previously thought impossible or unacceptable. Paradigm shifting is the movement from one paradigm to another. Paradigms are unquestioned convictions 1287

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unquestioned because almost everyone has accepted and bought into that same view of life and are beliefs about life albeit not necessarily true or accurate.They are the mental models that each of us carries in our minds. When anomalies or inconsistencies arise within a given paradigm and present problems that we are unable to solve our view of reality must change as must the way we perceive think and value the world. A paradigm shift is the only way to achieve a better outcome. Source: Change your paradigms change your life By Dennis McKenzie 1288

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4.31 BALANCE 4.31.1. LIFE BALANCE Coaching is all about finding balance in your life – balancing all those things that are important to you while still taking care of yourself and the people who are important to you. A coach will guide you from where you are to where you want to be. Once you’ve decided to start working with a coach they will work with you to help you reach goals that you set. During your first meeting your coach may use the Life Balance Wheel to help you identify the areas of your life you want to improve. Once you’ve chosen your key areas your coach will ask you some questions so you 1289

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can determine what goals you want to set for yourself with regard to these areas. Common topics for discussion:  How satisfied are you with each area of your life  Which life area would you most like to improve  Describe what that life area would look like if you were 100 satisfied  What are all the possibilities for this area of your life  If you were at your best what would you do right now  What is the difference between a wish and a goal  What is stopping you from moving forward Your coach will help you identify strategies to reach your goals and figure out what might prevent you from attaining them. With this information you start working to get from where you are to where you want to be. In your next sessions you’ll talk with your coach about your successes since the last session and any setbacks you encounter. Your coach will strategize with you on how to capitalize on your successes and work around obstacles. Source: Coaching4Teenscenterstone.org. 1290

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4.31..2 EMOTIONAL BALANCE A person is feeling balanced when their energy is equally devided between thinking feeling and behaviour. When something happens however these three segments of our personality do not respond with the same speed. Emotions anger fight fear flight sadness healing or joy celebrate surge almost instantly whilst it takes an average of seven seconds for rational thoughts to manifest themselves. We can experience a whirlwind of emotions ranging from thrilling to devastating and if we’re not prepared to deal with them they can lead us to do some very irrational things. If you’ve ever heard the saying “I was so mad I couldn’t think straight” you have an idea of the importance of emotional balance. We tend to think less clearly and thoroughly when we are highly emotional. Any emotional extreme can lead us to make hasty decisions we might later regret. Even when emotions are positive our behavior can be erratic and unpredictable. We want to learn how to balance our state of mind to most effectively deal with others and certain situations that trigger us. Without emotional balance we are like a pendulum hanging and swinging back and forth not able to find a sturdy or fixed position with which to make decisions. A good starting place to achieving emotional balance is learning what triggers our emotions in the first place and then finding ways to deal with these emotional swings that may occur. 1291

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What are your triggers We all have pet-peeves things that get under our skin and certain issues that just set us off. The awareness of these triggers is a crucial starting place to achieving emotional balance. Being prepared and ready to deal with frustration and irritation helps us intervene before our emotions get the best of us. Think about a situation that triggers you: What are you doing Are you with anybody specific or at a certain place How does this trigger make you feel Techniques to keep yourself in balance Centering When we get really emotional this leads to strong physical and mental effects. Our heart rate increases body temperature rises and breathing becomes rapid and shallow. We may have racing thoughts and begin thinking in a way that exacerbates our emotional experience. Learning to settle the physical response and the thoughts that are accompanying them can really help to maintain balance. Here are five steps to center your state of mind and regain balance. 1. Pause 2. Slowly breathe in and picture a calming person place or object in your mind. 3. Exhale slowly through your mouth breathing out the negative feeling. 4. Continue deep breathing and as you inhale imagine taking in the calming peaceful image and breathing out the negative feelings and thoughts. 5. Continue breathing in and out at least 10 times and incorporate some stretching and muscle relaxation by rolling your shoulders and stretching your neck from side to side and front to back. Re-framing 1292

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Another way to deal with the flood of disturbing thoughts that can accompany emotional extremes is to re-frame the way we are thinking and interpreting the situation. This requires that we alter some the thoughts and beliefs that are taking place. Try these techniques to help re-frame the thoughts that may be triggering you. What would you tell in friend in the same situation A great technique is to consider what you would tell a friend in the same situation. If you are considering someone you care about wouldn’t you give them positive uplifting advice Of course you would You would offer them support and encouragement to deal with their struggle. Often we are much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Maybe you’re saying critical and belittling comments to yourself and making the situation more difficult to handle. If you wouldn’t tell a friend these things why would you tell yourself Learning from past experience In retrospect we would probably deal with many situations differently. Fortunately learning from our past experience offers a great technique to help change troubling perspectives. Consider how you have handled a similar situation in the past. Did it work out well What did you learn from it Reviewing a similar situation from the past helps us to understand what we need to do to get the results we desire. This can be a reminder that some of our worries may be exaggerated and we have been able to successfully deal with a similar situation before. Or it may just be a chance to pause before acting to make sure we don’t impulsively make an unhealthy choice. Do a reality check This is where we consider if we may be overreacting and exaggerating what is taking place. We may tend to catastrophize and think of the worst possible scenario or we might using restrictive words like always must and never. 1293

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Have you ever said “This always happens to me” Or “I never have any luck” These types of statements can really amp up the emotional distress and more often than not are major exaggerations. Instead we want to ask some different questions. Ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen or what do I want from this situation” “Is there a positive way I can look at this that I’m overlooking” These type of questions help change our focus from feeling out of control to having a chance to determine how we want to feel and making changes that help us get our needs met. These tips and techniques can help us to keep things in perspective and deal with matters more effectively. When we are triggered we can maintain self-control and begin reaping the benefits of healthy relationships more effective communication and unwavering poise and confidence. 1294

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Techniques to help others restore their emotional balance  Empathic listening: invite them to talk about their situation and feelings.  Name the emotion they are communicating and ask if they want to talk about it.  “Lose the battle”: Say: “you are absolutely right.”  If they are stuck in their thoughts and cannot decide what to do ask what they are thinking or what they would like to achieve.  Instert a time break go to the bathroom…: allow them time and space to restore their balance. See also: 3.26 COPING : p …. Source: http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/achieve-emotional- balance/ Author: Joe Wilner 1295

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4.32 Emotional Intelligence EQ Emotional intelligence EQ is a different type of intelligence. It’s about being “heart smart” not just “book smart.” The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual ability if not more so when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps you build strong relationships succeed at work and achieve your goals. The skills of emotional intelligence can be developed throughout life. You can boost your own “EQ” by learning how to rapidly reduce stress connect to your emotions communicate nonverbally use humor and play to deal with challenges and defuse conflicts with confidence and self-assurance. What is emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify use understand and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways. Its about recognizing your own emotional state and the emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that draw people to you. Emotional intelligence consists of four core abilities:  Self-awareness – The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior know your strengths and weaknesses and have self-confidence.  Self-management – The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors manage your emotions in healthy ways take initiative follow through on commitments and adapt to changing circumstances.  Social awareness – The ability to understand the emotions needs and concerns of other people pick up on emotional cues feel comfortable socially and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.  Relationship management – The ability to develop and maintain good relationships communicate clearly inspire and influence others work well in a team and manage conflict. 1296

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Emotional Intelligence EQ vs. Intellectual Intelligence IQ Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. Weve been told emotions distort the more “accurate” information our intellect supplies. Even the term “emotional” has come to mean weak out of control and even childish. "Dont be a baby" we say to the little boy who is crying on the playground. "Leave him alone Let him work it out" we admonish the little girl who runs to help the little boy. On the other hand our abilities to memorize and problem-solve to spell words and do mathematical calculations are easily measured on written tests and slapped as grades on report cards. Ultimately these intellectual abilities dictate which college will accept us and which career paths we‘re advised to follow. However intellectual intelligence IQ is usually less important in determining how successful we are than emotional intelligence EQ. We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence. Emotional development: How to raise your emotional intelligence Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior or applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives. There are many things we may know and want to do but don’t or can’t when we’re under pressure. This is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way it must be learned and understood on an emotional level. We can’t simply read about emotional intelligence or master it through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that produces change we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others. This kind of learning is based on what we see hear and feel. Intellectual understanding is an important first step but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory nonverbal learning and real-life practice. 1297

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Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills: Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills each building on the last:  Emotional intelligence EQ skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.  Emotional intelligence EQ skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.  Emotional intelligence EQ skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.  Emotional intelligence EQ skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.  Emotional intelligence EQ skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence. The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone at anytime. But there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you’re feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of emotional intelligence. Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions. When you become overwhelmed by stress the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts—hijacking your best-laid plans intentions and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life. Emotional intelligence EQ skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress When we’re under high levels of stress rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body getting in the way of our ability to accurately “read” a situation hear what someone else is saying be aware of our own feelings and needs and communicate clearly. 1298

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The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced focused and in control–no matter what challenges you face. Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:  Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed.  Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed Become angry and agitated Freeze with anxiety The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response.  Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight sound smell taste and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Emotional intelligence EQ skill 2: Connect to your emotions The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to- moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger sadness fear and joy. But although we can distort deny or numb our feelings we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately without emotional awareness we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs or to communicate effectively with others. 1299

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What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions  Do you experience feelings that flow encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment  Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest  Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions such as anger sadness fear joy each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions  Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others  Do you pay attention to your emotions Do they factor into your decision making If any of these experiences are unfamiliar your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent you must reconnect to your core emotions accept them and become comfortable with them. Emotional intelligence skill EQ 3: Nonverbal communication Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us. Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening” and “Do you understand and care” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen look move and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest trust excitement and desire for connection–or they will generate fear confusion distrust and disinterest. Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to:  Eye contact 1300

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 Facial expression  Tone of voice  Posture and gesture  Touch  Timing and pace Emotional intelligence EQ skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges Humor laughter and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress elevates mood and brings our nervous system back into balance. The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:  Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances hard times and setbacks.  Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.  Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies which allows us to recharge and accomplish more.  Become more creative. When we loosen up we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways. Emotional intelligence EQ skill 5: Resolve conflict positively Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs opinions and expectations at all times. However that needn’t be a bad thing Resolving conflict in healthy constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing it fosters freedom creativity and safety in relationships. 1301

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The ability to manage conflicts in a positive trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress stay emotionally present and aware communicate nonverbally and use humor and play you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate. Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:  Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.  Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.  Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful behavior is in the past remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.  End conflicts that cant be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict even if you still disagree. Source: Helpguide.org Authors: Jeanne Segal Ph.D. and Melinda Smith M.A. Last 1302

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4.33 THE FIVE FREEDOMS The Five Freedoms of Becoming More Fully Human – Virginia Satir Mental Health - By Athena Staik Ph.D. In celebration of mental health today’s post honors family psychotherapist and social worker extraordinaire Virginia Satir. Recognized by many as “the pioneer of family therapy” she developed her own approach conjoint family therapy in the 1960s later known as the human validation process model or the Satir Change Model as applied to business organizations. She had a great impact on the practice of therapy in general Virginia Satir introduced many transformational concepts among others: an emphasis in the role that love plays in therapeutic processes the human need for personal space and validation the difference between what people intend to say and what they actually say and the importance of healthy relationships and self-esteem in mental and emotional health and well being. Satir viewed each person as unique and empowered them to connect with their own inner source of wisdom. Satir believed the cause of mental imbalance were the limiting identities or rigid belief systems people formed as a result of feeling forced to live up to rigid expectations comparisons external standards and judgments – that existed at personal familial and cultural levels. Known for demonstrations of her work with families in which she seemingly performed miracles before large audiences Satir had a knack for helping family members quickly access their strengths and authentic voices. 1304

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Four Survival Stances Satir observed that people developed one of four distinct “survival stances” or some combination of these in attempt to cope with their problems: 1 Placating 2 Blaming 3 Super-reasonable and 4 Irrelevant. A fifth “stance” that she identified was not really a stance but rather her definition for what mental health looked like for a person increasingly so once they made the transforming choice of becoming more fully human. Congruent and Fully Human A healthy person was first and foremost authentic in the how they related to self and others in that they: appreciated uniqueness flowed with interpersonal energy were willing to take risks were willing to be vulnerable were open to intimacy felt free to accept self and others loved self and others and were also flexible and self-aware. A healthy person also:  Communicates congruently with their words emotions and bodies.  Makes conscious choices based on awareness acknowledgment and acceptance of self other and context.  Replies to questions directly evaluates before passing judgement and listens to own “wisdom box.”  Expresses sexual vitality and names desires openly.  Makes requests of others without having to explain themselves.  Makes honest choices and takes risks on own behalf. 1305

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The Five Freedoms – Using Our Senses Satir keenly observed that many adults learned to deny certain senses from childhood that is to deny what they hear see taste smell and touch/feel. Noting the significant role our senses play in our survival she devised the following “Five Freedoms” tool essentially affirmations to help people connect to their body and self in the moment and focus their attention on their inner resources and creative choices in the present. Here we see how ahead of her time Satir was these are mindfulness concepts proven today by neuroscience research. The Five Freedoms are: 1. The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what “should” be was or will be. 2. The freedom to say what you feel and think instead of what you “should” feel and think. 3. The freedom to feel what you feel instead of what you “ought” to feel. 4. The freedom to ask for what you want instead of always waiting for permission. 5. The freedom to take risks on you own behalf instead of choosing to be only “secure”. Satir’s Therapeutic Beliefs and Assumptions Satir believed people have an internal drive that propels them to become more fully human. She viewed this positive energy as a life force that exerts wholesome pulls and pushes on us–physically emotionally and spiritually–throughout life. 1306

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Her therapeutic model rested on the following assumptions that:  Change is possible. Believe it.  The most challenging tasks in life are relational. Simultaneously relational tasks are the only avenue for growth. All challenges in life are relational.  No task in life is more difficult as the role of parent. Parents do the best they can do given time the resources they “see” available to them at any given time.  Next to our role as parents no task in life is more challenging. We all have the internal resources we need to access successfully and to grow.  We have choices disempowering and empowering ones especially in terms of responding to stress.  All efforts to produce change need to focus on health and possibilities not pathology.  Hope is a significant component or ingredient for change.  People connect on similarities and grow on resolving differences.  The major goal in life is to become own choice makers agents and architects of our life and relationships.  We are all manifestations of the same life energy and intelligence.  Most people choose familiarity over comfort especially in times of stress.  The problem is not the problem coping is the problem.  Emotions belong to us. They are an essential aspect of experiencing self life others.  All human beings at heart are beings of love and intelligence who seek to grow express their creativity intelligence and basic goodness need to be validated connect and find own inner treasure.  Parents often repeat own familiar patterns even if dysfunctional.  We cannot change past events only the effects they have on us today.  Appreciating and accepting the past increases our ability to manage present.  Goal toward wholeness: accept parents as people and meet them at their level of personhood rather than only in their roles.  Coping is the manifestation of our level of self-worth.  The higher our self-worth the more wholesome our coping. 1307

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 Human processes are universal and therefore occur in different settings cultures and circumstances. I AM ME By Virginia Satir A poem that Virginia Satir wrote following a session with a young coachee who questioned the meaning of her life. I am me. In all the world there is no one exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it. I own everything about me My body including everything it does My mind including all its thoughts and ideas My eyes including the images of all they behold My feelings whatever they may be… anger joy frustration love disappointment excitement … My Mouth and all the words that come out of it polite sweet or rough correct or incorrect My Voice loud or soft. And all my actions whether they be to others or to myself. I own my fantasies my dreams my hopes my fears. I own all my triumphs and successes all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound whatever I say and do 1308

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And whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am in that moment in time. When I review later how I looked and sounded what I said and did And how I thought and felt some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting And keep that which proved fitting And invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see hear feel think say and do. I have the tools to survive to be close to others to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay. Hope you’ve enjoyed this post and if you’ve been inspired in any way or have thoughts to share I’d love to hear from you Virginia Satir 26 June 1916 – 10 September 1988 was an American author and psychotherapist known especially for her approach to family therapy and her work with Systemic Constellations. Her most well- known books are Conjoint Family Therapy 1964 Peoplemaking 1972 and The New Peoplemaking 1988. She is also known for creating the Virginia Satir Change Process Model a psychological model which was developed through clinical studies and later applied to organizations. Change management and organizational gurus of the 1990s and 2000s embrace this model to define how change impacts organizations. Source: http://psychcentral.com/ 1309

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4.32 GENDER DIFFERENCES There are numerous theories on gender differences in communication. Some theories teach that they are nature others that they are nurtured. Some are innate and some hold that they are learned. Others hold that there are no differences when speaking to an audience. We are all the same. Regardless of the differences if and how they come about and what ever the hard wiring of the brain may be understanding the differences is essential to communicate with your opposite. One Communication Two Applications This list has two basic applications. One is with colleagues those you work with or interact with. The other application is with loved ones family and close friends. Wherever and whenever you are communicating understanding the differences can enhance your ability to communicate. Understanding this will help resolve problems in relationships. We Are Not Stereotypical The list below is general and based on research. Even so each individual may have qualities that are of their opposite. Some men will put the lid down ask for directions and read the instructions. Some people are not typical of the lists below. By understanding the gender differences in communication what ever they may be will help with the communication process. First the list. Then what you can do about it. The list is based on studies of how boys and girls communicate from preschool to adulthood. The findings are that we are quite different culturally. Gender Differences in Communication 1310

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Women Seek out relationships with others Relate to others as equals Prefer interdependency collaboration coordination and cooperation Make decisions based on mutual agreement Desire closeness togetherness and affinity Care for the approval of peers express themselves more in private Are more open to share problems Tend to focus on details of emotions More concerned with feelings May mix personal and business talk Tend to ask for help advice and directions Offer sympathy Display empathy Desire to understand problems Tend to take a more sober look at challenges Men Tend to seek standing and position Relate to others as rivals Tend toward independence and autonomy Choose or resolve by force persuasion or majority rule Desires space Tend to seek the respect of their peers Express themselves more in public Keep concerns to themselves Tend to focus on the details of fact Often will not ask for advice help or directions Freely offer advice and analysis Are problem solvers Tend to look at challenges as a game unless life and death is at stake Men can learn sensitivity openness and self control with competitiveness when communicating with women. 1311

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Women can learn to be more direct assertive and mirror the feelings of the men who they have to communicate with. The list is not to make women into male communicators and men into female communicators. This list is a starting point to use to improve communication with the opposite sex. Source: http://www.speechmastery.com/gender-differences-in- communication.html 1312

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4.35 PITFALLS FOR COACHING ● Jumping to solutions ● Advocating too early ● Assuming you know what the coachee wants to get out of the conversation or coaching relationship ● Reloading rather than listening. How to avoid some pitfalls of coaching 1. Reach agreement up-front. Do not to start without a signed agreement between the coach and the coachee. If coaching is your ‘bread and butter’ you need to ensure that you will be paid for your services. If the potential coachee is reluctant to talk through these important issues before intervention starts it’s highly unlikely that those issues—including payment of your professional fees—will occur later. 2. Know the difference between being ‘in control’ and ‘in charge’. Coaches need to let go of any desire to control outcomes. For a coach to be effective s/he must remain ‘in charge’ but be prepared to give ‘control’ to the coachee. It is the coachee who must accept responsibility for his or her behavior and goal-achievement. 3. Remain solution-focused. Coaching is a goal-directed solution-focused activity. The coach must ensure that his or her actions are forward-looking rather than backward looking and focusing on what works rather than dwelling on the problem. If as coach you recognize the need to recommend the services of an accredited therapist—do so. http://www.justasktom.com/topic/staff-related-issues/how-avoid-pitfalls- coaching 1313

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4.36 FEAR Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. – Ambrose Redmoon aka James Neil Hollingworth. ++++++++++++++++++ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves: “who am I to be brilliant gorgeous talented and fabulous” Actually who are you not to be You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around us. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us it’s in everyone of us. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others. Nelson Mandela 1994 Inaugural Speech ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 4.36.1 FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real By Harry McDuffee There is an old saying that says "You Have Nothing to Fear Except Fear Itself" How true is that Everyone has fears. What do you fear Some people have a fear of the dark some fear heights some fear closed in spaces - What is it that you fear Did you know there are those that fear Success Thats right there are people that are afraid of succeeding at something There are people that 1314

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spend their whole lives failing because they are afraid of succeeding at something. So guess what - they spend their whole lives failing because they feel success carries to big a price tag. So they never really dig in and try to succeed What I want to do right now is give you a definition of F.E.A.R. that I heard some years ago. I cant remember where I got this now but it is the best definition Ive ever heard. Are you ready Here it is: False Evidence Appearing Real Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real Fear will rear its ugly face and make you believe what is unbelievable. Fear can appear and make you see a false Reality but Fear is never a Reality That is why it spells out - False Evidence Appearing Real Let me ask those of you that Fear the darkness - What is in the dark that isnt there in the light The answer is nothing We can imagine all sorts of things but where are those things when the light goes on When I was a little boy my mommy would come into my room and tuck me in than turn out the light bedtime after she left the room I would start screaming - mommy mommy mommy help me mommy snakes in my bed. My mommy would come in and turn on the light and the snakes would disappear. Where did they go My mommy would search under the bed in the closet dresser draws etc. NO SNAKES Were the snakes ever in reality there F.E.A.R. Isnt this the way we all do when it comes to success We myself included can find all the reasons why it wont work We drupe around in the darkness never thinking to just turn the light on so we can see the actual Reality of the thing. Dont believe the False Evidence Appearing the friend who says you cant make no money doing that - get a job or this is a scheme scam etc.. The Reality is you are in Business treat your business like any business Show up for work on time learn what you need to do for your business to succeed and do what is required to succeed and you will. There are 3 things that are REAL: Death Hank Williams sang a song "you aint getting out of this world a live Taxes Uncle Sam will get his share and a Higher Power - Now that is Reality 1315

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There is another Reality straight from the month of my mother - "Cant Never Did Do Nothin" The word Cant comes from F.E.A.R. My mother also told me "Son You Can Do Anything If You Want To Do It Bad Enough. It just depends how bad you WANT it" Im asking you How Bad Do You Want To Succeed Dont let Fear cloud your judgment. There is all kinds of false evidence with an appearance of reality but if you will turn the light on then you can see that what appears to be in the darkness is just an imagination run wild. Turn On the Light and See what is really there - REALITY There is no reason in the world why you can not do for yourself what you do for your Employer on the job. The biggest difference between the J.O.B. and your Home-Based Business is you are calling the shots - Not your Employer The other difference is your Employer hands you that paycheck at the end of the week - Guaranteed pay Think of this for a second - What if all of a sudden your Employer comes to you and says Your production has been down lately. Do you think your Employer would not consider replacing you if he could find someone that would produce better results Where is that job security now Talk About F.E.A.R. You have the capability to work at home in your spare time and build a business that could one day yield you a six-figure income. Will your boss on the job ever pay you what you are truly worth Which opportunity do you really think presents the most F.E.A.R. Which Really Creates the Most Security - Which is False Evidence Appearing Real Choose One The choices we make today shape our future tomorrow. Are you going to let your fears keep you from being and doing what is best for your tomorrow Are you willing to make changes in your life now Then step out and do what you know is right for you to do. Look FEAR square in the face and say Enough is Enough I will live in reality For more information visit: http://www.ClaimYoursnow.com/visit/fear Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expertHarry_McDuffee 4.36.2 FEAR Is fear holding you back How do you feel when you are not able to accomplish something because you are afraid 1316

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Have you heard the saying that F-E-A-R is ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’ or ‘Fantasized Evidence Appearing Real’ Perhaps you were somewhere that you wanted to get up and speak but the palpitations were so bad you couldn’t. Maybe you want to audition for American Idol but are unable to get up in front of an audience. Are you ready to be on America’s Next Top Model but fear is holding you back Now I want you to think about when you conquered a fear. Think about that time when you said “I’m going to do this anyway” and you did. Do you remember that feeling of pure freedom of exhilaration or joy I do I would like to share with you a little bit I know about “Fear”. I am going to fill you in on why I feel the above statement is 100 true. Think about this for a moment. If you close your eyes and imagine you’re standing on the edge of a tall building – really put yourself there – you will actually begin to sway most people can feel the fear of falling while doing this demonstration. You are not actually on the building but your mind and body make a connection to that fear. Another example is if you have ever gone to a 3-D movie you were most likely startled when something projected towards you and you jumped. I have experienced this feeling. It’s called fear. We know it’s not real but we have the reaction and feeling as if it is. Our fears can hold us back from doing many things that we can and want to do most in life. Think about spiders or bees. How do you react when you see one of these insects We know that bees can sting and some spiders are poisonous but should we be paranoid about these insects I have a fear of spiders. I remember a time I made myself paralyzed with fear over a shadow in the corner of my living room. In my mind it became a huge spider and I could not move to get rid of it. The fear I felt was so strong until I realized it was just a shadow. I could not believe how I made myself become unable to move over something I could quickly overcome. Some people also allow bad past experiences to hold them in fear. A personal example of this happened when I was in grade school. I had a teacher become angry with me. I was giving an oral presentation in front of the entire class. When it was my turn for the presentation I sat on the desk. I thought nothing of this because most kids had done it before. However when I became nervous I started swinging my legs back and 1317

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fourth. I did this during the entire presentation. I was a young child. I did not realize I was doing it. After I completed my presentation my teacher proceeded to reprimand me in front of everyone. I remember her saying something similar to “Do you realize that you looked like a complete idiot What is wrong with you” Needless to say I never did or even wanted to give another oral presentation for the rest of my years in school. This in turn caused me to get grades that were less than what I was capable of getting because I refused to do speeches or oral presentations. As I got older I realized I wanted to improve my personality and build confidence over my fears. I began listening to motivational/self-help books on tape. I would go to uplifting seminars and found I was feeling better and better about myself. This encouraged me to want to reach out and help others in need. I decided I wanted to be a Motivational Speaker or a Coach. But I had to overcome my speaking fear. I began listening to more books on tape now they would be called books on CD. The more I listened the more confident I felt. After listening to one particular author/speaker many times I decided to write to him for advice. He had advised in his writings if there was something you wanted to achieve you should be persistent. So I became very persistent. I wrote to his office many times and they finally called me back. They asked me “What do you want” I told them I just needed some advice on how to get started with speaking. I explained I had a fear of speaking in public so how should I proceed to speak in front of audiences Could they possibly help me They offered me help by informing me to contact a local Toastmasters and see what they were all about. For information purposes Toastmasters is a great organization for people who are interested in improving their speaking skills in preparation and presentation in front of audiences. I certainly needed to do this. I located the nearest Toastmasters and attend a meeting. At first I sat in the background and was too overcome by my “fear”. I did not even want to introduce myself. But by realizing this was just the ‘false evidence appearing real’ I faced my fear and within a short period of time I was President of that Toastmasters. This is not to say I still do not get nervous every once in a while especially in front of large audiences. When I do feel the fear I face the crowd and realize there is nothing to worry about and complete my presentation which gets better with each 1318

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event. If I kept myself stuck in that f-e-a-r I would not be able to help people and do what I am doing today. Nor would I be who I am and always wanted to be. Fear “False-Evidence-Appearing-Real”. It’s a realization that fear is nothing more than what you make it. And it is something you can overcome. This is my belief. The first time I heard about F.E.A.R. on my motivational tapes I felt enlightened and now when I feel a bit nervous or scared I think of how false fear is. This makes me feel better. I would like you to try a simple exercise – only if you feel ready. Think about a fear that has been holding you back from accomplishing something you truly wanted to do in your life or just had a general fear of. I would like you to do it or face it. Make sure it’s sensible and responsible. Definitely do not do something that would be deemed irresponsible or harmful to yourself or others. I am by no means telling you if you are afraid of sharks to go swim with them. Just take the first steps towards getting over a fear. Here’s an example: Someone who is near and dear to me always counted on her son to take her to her nieces home that was about an hour away. Her fear was of getting lost even though she knew how to get there. Finally when she had no one to drive her and after many discussions with me and her son she decided to give it a try. This was one of the scariest things to her. This was a big deal. I am so very proud of her She did it Her comments afterwards were “I feel like I’m free” “It’s a feeling of freedom” “I feel great” “I feel as if I can do anything now”. These are wonderful feelings. Isn’t it time for you to pick something small to start with Don’t you want to feel that way For example if you are afraid of birds take your first step by visiting a friend with a friendly pet bird. Slowly going over to the cage and talking to it. Visit a few times until you feel comfortable enough to feed it or pet it. Each time will get better. Or if you have a fear of public speaking as I did and want to start speaking at meetings but are too overwhelmed with fear I suggest the following… Locate and contact your local Toastmasters or speaking group and attend a few meetings. Yet another example if you like someone and want to ask him or her out but you are afraid of rejection my advice is to ask him or her. Why hold yourself back. You will never know the true answer unless you ask. I would rather ask and be rejected than to wonder for the rest of my life what could have been. Just 1319

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remember you get one step closer to your goals of being a more confident less fearful person each time you face your fear. What are you ready to conquer Give it thought. What has been holding you back I believe it may be YOU Only you can get over or through the fear. Do it Sources: http://www.jiscinfonet.ac.uk/infokits/change-management/index_html http://www.i-choose-self-improvement.com/index.html Bob Sevier www.stamats .com. e-mail toni.levasseurstamots.com. COPYRIGHT 2003 Professional Media Group LLC - COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group http://health.wikinut.com/F-E-A-R-3D-False-Evidence-Appearing- Real/saays9dh/ © Suzanne Zacharia 2010. My name is Suzanne Zacharia and I am committed to spreading the word about health options. I believe that the more and better options one has the more choice there is. And of course you are advised to consult with your medical practitioner before embarking on any course of alternative complementary or beauty therapy. Want to use this article You can as long as you credit me with it and invite your readers to get my FREE "EFT How-to for You" and regular free EFT Tapping script samples in my newsletter at http://www.EFT-Scripts.com - New to EFT No worries just get your own copy of "EFT How-to for You" and start EFTing with ease very soon Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expertSuzanne_Zacharia 1320

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4.37 BELBIN’S TEAM ROLES Role type Description Characteristics Implementer Likes to get on with the teams tasks and sort out practical details Dutiful practical and quite cautious predictable and sometimes inflexible Coordinator Encourages team members to make their point but keeps the team going in the right direction Calm self-confident and supportive does not get involved in matters of detail Shaper Provides drive and energy to the teams work but can try to influence it with their own views Outgoing dynamic challenging impatient and sometimes provocative Plant Offers lots of imaginative ideas or specialist knowledge to the task Creative thinker often unorthodox likes to work alone and not very practical Resource investigator Provides lots of information and has lots of useful contacts Highly communicative enthusiastic and curious easily bored Monitor/Evaluator Likes to observe and measure how well the team are doing Prudent hard-headed and a good judge at times rather unemotional Teamworker Does things to keep up team spirit or morale Socially orientated sensitive and responsive sometimes indecisive Completer/Finisher Makes sure that all tasks are finished off completely Painstaking orderly conscientious can be anxious and find it difficult to ‘let go’ Source: adapted from Belbin 1981 1321

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It is important to bear in mind that Belbins roles are not something anyone is born into. They do not mean that if you spot one or more of the characteristics in yourself or others you must maintain a certain role. The roles are rather like acting roles in that they can be chosen and played. Indeed in many groups – of smaller than eight people – some members need to play more than one role switching between roles according to the needs of the team and the task. Changing roles from time to time is not only possible but sometimes necessary as we change jobs and teams. Having said this most people do tend to have a preferred first role one that they feel most comfortable with. Can you recognise from the descriptions and characteristics which role you would tend to feel comfortable with Could you manage to play any of the other roles without too much of a problem Source : The Open University © Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. - tel +44 0 845 300 60 90 COMPARE: TEAM WORK – TASK ROLES 1. Team Initiator —Starts the discussion —Introduces new topic or issue —Gets team moving 2. Seeker of Information —Asks others in the team to clarify or share information 3. Giver of Information —Shares knowledge with the team —Offers facts opinions and relative experiences 4. Challenger —Questions the team’s thinking to generate higher quality results —Plays devil’s advocate —Asks “what if” questions 1322

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—Thinks critically about input and urges team to consider different points of view 5. Coordinator —Helps to clarify group ideas and suggestions —Makes connections which can advance the problem solving process 6. Evaluator —Compares team’s work to standards for the purpose of producing the best possible results 7. Completion Advocate —Reminds group about unfinished business and the need for follow up 8. Summary Associate —Summarizes what has been decided or accomplished at the meeting 9. Secretary —Takes notes and records ideas and decisions of the team 10. Time-Keeper —Keeps team on task in terms of time available and tasks remaining 11. Task Master —Reminds team when the discussion has gone off task —Refocuses the team to the task at hand 12. Procedure Development —Develops procedure or methods of accomplishing the task. Source: UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE – CENTER FOR LITERACY STUDIES 1323

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TEAM WORK - KEY ELEMENTS 1. Commitment—Commitment happens when the team members see themselves as belonging to the team instead of as individuals acting on their own initiative. Also commitment is evident when the team members are committed to the team goals over and above their own personal goals. 2. Trust—When team members have faith that each member will honor their commitments support each other share and maintain confidences and act in a responsible manner trust is nurtured and exhibited. 3. Purpose—It is important for teams to understand how they fit into the overall organizational picture of a business. And equally important team members must know their individual roles feel a sense of pride and ownership of the project and recognize that their contribution can make a difference. 4. Communication—Strong teams are those that exercise effective communication among members as well as between group members and those outside the team. Members must be able to handle conflict practice effective Group decision-making and work toward smooth day- to-day interactions. 5. Involvement—Team members each have an integral part on the team. Their contributions are respected and solicited and they establish a real consensus before committing the team to action. Though differences in opinion are bound to occur team members must feel a partnership with each other and respect those differences. 6. Process—Effective teams possess proficient use of problem solving skills the ability to plan attend regular meetings complete with meeting agendas and minutes of the meetings and use protocol to deal with problems. 1324

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4.38 ANGER MANAGEMENT Pages Pages for for people people who who want want to to have have healthy healthy anger anger Everybody knows that anger can be a problem a bad thing and can even lead to violence. But how many people know that anger is a healthy emotion but that the real problem is that most people dont know how to use it Heres the deal...  Anger is either your worst enemy or your best friend. You get to choose  Anger comes from pain sorrow fear and the need for love.  Anger seems powerful but its not-- unless its healthy  Healthy anger comes from love truth and a strong sense of justice.  Healthy anger is motivation determination enthusiasm and commitment to do the right thing  Healthy anger is smart cool and effective  With healthy anger nobody gets hurt  Healthy anger fuels effective action Become an anger management expert Hang in there with this and you will find an incredible amount of energy enthusiasm and excitement available to you to reach all of your goals and become the amazing person you were born to be Healthy anger is based on self-love and it does not harm anyone. Healthy anger is for the purpose of protecting you and keeping you safe. Healthy anger fuels effective action 1325

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Here are some thoughts for you to consider:  You are a good person and you are worthy of being treated with respect.  No one has the right to hurt you physically sexually emotionally or mentally. Of course we all get hurt somewhat in our love relationships--however if the harm is being done intentionally and it keeps happening thats another thing. That means you are in an abusive relationship.  You are not alone. There are thousands of people all over the country devoted to helping people just like you. Learn more and get some excellent advice.  If you are having anger management problems of your own you probably need to learn anger management techniques yourself -- especially if you are sometimes abusive to your partner yourself Are you ready to take effective action If you know youre in an abusive relationship but youre afraid to do anything here is the help you need:  Tell your story and get some support from other people.  Raise your self esteem by reading books or listening to programs that help you heal emotionally and truly love yourself -- because you are your best anger management resource.  If youre married or planning to marry be sure and learn about Expectations In Marriage and Sacred Roles In Marriage to solve your marriage problems and create the best possible relationship you can Never ever give up on yourself It is never hopeless no matter how bad it may seem. You have the courage and the good heart to do what must be done 1326 Learn To Love Yourself

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12 Anger Management Techniques To Get You Started 1. Breathe deep and take long breaths. Be sure to open your belly and breathe deep into your abdomen. You may not know it but when youre angry youre actually panicking. Using this and other anger management techniques will also help you to relax and calm down. 2. Walk outside and look at the sky while youre doing your deep breathing. This will help you to put things in perspective and it can have a soothing effect. 3. Do some stretches. When youre angry your body gets tense and rigid. The stretching will open up some of the tight areas of your body and get more oxygen flowing to your brain and help you think more clearly. Physical exercise of any kind is one the best anger management techniques you can use. 4. Tell yourself its going to be OK. Talking to yourself in a soothing calming way is one of the best anger management techniques. Say to yourself "Something good will come from this. I need to make good decisions now so that I dont add to the problem. Ive gotten through tough times before and Ill get through this one. I know that deep down Im a good person who means well." 5. Get some paper and start writing. Write about how mad you are and why. Dont be nice reasonable or rational in your writing. The point of this particular one of the anger management techniques is to get your anger out on the paper and purge it from your mind. Keep writing until you feel some relief or release and dont stop until you do. 6. Write about what you have to be grateful for what you appreciate about your life your self and the person you are mad at if you can. Gratitude appreciation and optimism are some of your most important and powerful anger management techniques. You may not want to admit it but when youre angry you might just be feeling sorry for yourself and gratitude is a direct antidote for this. This positive journaling process is a great healthy alternative to getting revenge and managing anger. 1327

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7. Imagine that you are at the funeral of the person you are mad at. What would you say. What would you miss about that person if they were gone If your anger is too strong to do this one skip ahead. Youll know your anger is too strong if you feel "glad" at the thought of their death or if you feel nothing at all. 8. If you know how to pray then by all means pray. Pray for God to guide you through this dark time. Pray for the grace to see the beauty and vulnerability in the person you are mad at. Pray for the wisdom to see beyond the view of the person or situation that makes you so angry. Sometimes it really helps to get down on your knees for this. You may wonder why this is in a list of anger management techniques but rest assured that if you use it effectively it will help you tremendously. 9. Imagine that you are the person you are mad at. Put yourself in their shoes. This is the power of empathy. Look at the situation from their viewpoint. Not only is this one of the most powerful anger management techniques it will help you in all of your relationships in a variety of situations. How do you look to the other person when youre angry Is that how you want to look Decide who and how you want to be and act as if you were that already. Learn more about how to deal with angry people. 10. Remember a time in your childhood when you were afraid hurt or angry. In your imagination embrace that child saying "Its okay. Im here. You didnt do anything wrong. Youre a good kid. I love you just like you are. Im not going to leave you." Then take the child your child self out of the situation to a safe place where s/he can relax heal or even play. 11. Think about your values. What is the most important thing in the world to you Who are the most important people in the world to you What kind of person do you want to be How do you want people to remember you Decide that you are that person and you are living by your values and act as if it were so. This is one of the fastest of the anger management techniques and it puts you in touch with your true nature the way you were designed to be. 12. Take further action Make up your mind right now that youre going to get to the bottom of your anger management problems and master the art of controlling anger once and for all. You might decide you also want 1328

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to schedule some anger management counseling or an anger management program today What to say to an angry person  A good thing to say is 1. "Wow I can see that you are really angry right now. Your anger seems really strong to me. 2. Im sure you have good reasons to be angry. 3. Its okay for you to be angry I just want to help you deal with it so nobody gets hurt--including you. "In these and other words youre sending the message that "Theres nothing wrong with feeling anger the important thing is what you do with it." This type of acknowledgment and recognition of the emotion of anger is absolutely necessary in successful anger management.  Practice reflective listening. - Repeat back what you hear them saying in a non-judgmental soothing tone. Use phrases like: "So what I hear you saying is..." or "So youre saying..." + then say exactly what you heard them saying. Stick with their words and references using as little interpretation and as few of your own words as possible. You must show total respect to the teen for this to work. Sarcasm cynicism judgment or insincerity will completely defeat your purpose. Use an open friendly posture so that it is clear that you really want to understand the other.  This provides a comforting effect and lets the know theyre being heard. When you listen you are sending the powerful nonverbal message that "What you think and feel matters to me. I may not agree or like what you say but Im willing to listen and consider your viewpoint." The bottom line here is that if you listen to them they will listen to you 1329

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 Express empathy and understanding. Imagine yourself in their position and attempt to see things from their viewpoint. Use phrases like: "When I put myself in your shoes I can see why you would feel that way" or "From where you stand it looks like ..." or "I think I see what you mean" or "That makes sense to me." Keep in mind that you do this reflective listening and empathy even if and especially if you dont agree with or like what they are saying  Avoid teaching correcting or instructing while your child is angry. When you are successful with reflective listening and empathy the person with anger management issues will usually start to calm down. Then and only then you may want to share some of your own similar experiences. Pay attention to them and only speak when you feel certain they open to what you have to say. Otherwise youre wasting your breath and probably widening the gap between you.  Claim your authority. It is important that you let them know that you are in charge of the situation. Parenting skills without authority will be virtually useless. Adolescents will often try to claim more power than is good for them. Youre not doing them any favors by giving them more power than they can handle. Adolescents actually feel more secure when their parents are in charge than they do when theyre allowed to take over. Its scary for a teenager to be more powerful than the adults around her/him. Parent discipline however needs to be kept separate from this kind of communication and administered when both you and the youngster are calm. That way the adolscent gets the clear message that it is not their emotion that is being disciplined it is their teen behavior. 1330

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Here are the thoughts actions and emotions of unhealthy anger: Thoughts  "Its not my fault" Unhealthy anger means thinking youre a victim to all "those other people.  "They are bad/evil." This may be the worst of unhealthy anger. This is where youre trying to make the other person really really bad so that you dont have to look at yourself. Weve all done this but its not cool. This kind of thinking will only get you in trouble. With good anger management skills you will be a lot smarter than this.  "Im good because Im not them." This is what I call a cheap second-hand form of self-esteem. Its great to feel good about yourself but you dont want to do it by dissing somebody else. Youre good just because of who you are. This is positive anger management for people who want to be smart strong and healthy Actions  Aggression attack violence. A lot of people think this is what anger is: violence and aggression. But you know better. Anger is an emotion and aggression attack violence are actions. Anger is not the problem--its what you do with it that makes it healthy or unhealthy What youre learning here is anger management for responsible people that prevent aggression and violence.  Passive-aggressive behavior. This is where youve got some anger inside but youre not admitting it to anyone even yourself. Its sometimes called "sideways anger" and its just not honest. For example making a cutting joke at someone elses expense and saying "Aw I was just kidding. Dont take it personally." or "Youre too sensitive. I didnt mean anything by it." Healthy anger management means that youre responsible for what you do regardless of what you might have intended. 1331

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 Depression and illness. This is what happens if you are really good at stuffing your anger and never let it out. Anger is a powerful emotion. When it comes out in unhealthy ways it hurts others. When it just stays inside you it hurts you. When it comes out in healthy ways it is good for everybody. When it is successful this is the kind of anger management for people who want to be who they were born to be and live their dreams Emotions  Victim feeling. A lot of people dont get this but when youre all bent out of shape and yelling and going off about something you might seem tough or scary -- but youre secretly feeling like a victim. Why Youre mad at somebody for what they said did or who they are and youre not taking any responsibility for your own part of the situation. With good anger management skills you will never be a victim again Expressing anger in healthy ways will make you strong.  Nursing wounds. This is a kind of self-pity. If youre real angry in an unhealthy way then youre busy pointing to your wounds: how you were done wrong by the person youre mad at. This actually can keep you from healing If you need your pain and suffering to show how bad the other person is you cant let your own wounds heal. This can lead to violence scenarios. Violent people are frequently feeling like victims nursing their wounds and blaming others for them. Healthy anger management means everybody heals.  Helplessness/powerlessness. Heres the big secret. Extreme unhealthy anger --especially when it means hurting others on purpose-- comes from a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. Unhealthy anger might seem strong but its totally a sign of weakness. 1332

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Here are the thoughts actions and emotions of healthy anger: Thoughts  "They are responsible for their actions." Thats right. If someone did something that triggered your anger they are totally responsible for what they did. But they are not responsible for how you felt about what they did Thats your deal. This is positive smart healthy anger management for teens.  "Im responsible for my reactions." No matter what somebody does they dont "make you mad." You either get angry or you dont and that is your responsibility completely. Whats cool about this is that responsibility gives you freedom If you think somebody "made you mad" then youre saying they made your heart race and set your blood boiling and made you think all those thoughts racing through your head. Nope thats you doing that. Other people might push your buttons but youre in charge of the wiring behind those buttons This is the kind of anger management for people who want to be the boss of their own emotions.  "How can I get stronger smarter and safer from this" Heres the freedom that comes with taking responsibility You take a look at the situation and say to yourself "How can I make this work for me" Then you look for ways to make that happen. Actions  Find healthy emotional release. This is sooo important When youre feeling angry you dont want to just hold that inside--it becomes toxic and itll make you sick or crazy Getting outside working out talking to a friend or writing in a journal will help. You want to get that anger out into some fresh air and get some fresh perspective on it so it doesnt go sour and make you bitter  Use a spiritual practice for focus and healing. If it works for you and your beliefs prayer can really help for getting clear and chilling when youre angry. If youre a member of a church it might give you some comfort and release to just go and hang out there or talk to one of your church leaders. Youre the one who knows if this will work for you as part of your anger management skills. 1333

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 Taking powerful effective action to make things better. This is the best choice of all. Brainstorm with a smart friend parent or coach about some healthy action you can take to improve the situation that triggered your anger. You may even find that you want to become a teacher of anger management for teens Emotions  Power/strength This is what is so amazing about healthy anger management for teens. It actually feels good When you know youre not going to do anything destructive it helps you focus your emotional energy toward what you want to accomplish and it can bring on feelings of enthusiasm and even excitement Think of the physical strength and energy of anger and imagine having tons of that to channel in positive constructive ways  Release/relief Ahhhh.....It feels so good to release anger in healthy ways Nobody gets hurt and you feel powerful strong and relaxed. Remember anger is a healthy emotion--you just need to direct it toward positive constructive or at least non- destructive action for successful teenage anger management. When youre getting your anger out in healthy ways you can really let go which is what gives you the sense of release and relief. If youre taking your anger out on yourself or another person you have to hold back to keep from hurting them too bad so you dont get the release and relief you want.  Forgiveness/acceptance This is the final stage of the teenage anger management process--dont try to rush it Forgiveness is something that comes from your body not your mind when you learn to love yourself. You can decide you want to forgive but your heart and gut may not be ready. Your body never lies and it is your body--that is your heart and gut--that really do the forgiving. 1334

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Anger Management Assessment Please answer the following 15 questions to the best of your ability. Your answers will be used to identify your strengths and weaknesses as it relates to how well you manage your anger. This FREE assessment is for educational purposes only. Please answer each question with a single answer. After you have completed the assessment press the Submit Answers button and we will instantly show you your assessment results. 1. During the past week I have felt irritable and frustrated with others. Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 2. When I get angry I often regret my actions and behaviors Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 3. I have broken or destroyed objects in anger and rage on more than one occasion Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 4. I get irritated with people that don’t agree with my views or opinions Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 5. When I get angry it is often intense and lasts longer than I would like Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 6. I have done very little to improve my temper. I just keep hoping it will improve with age. Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 7. I often have a hard time knowing or understanding how others feel or how my behavior might be affecting them Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 1335

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8. My internal dialog is often negative and I often tell myself how stupid I am or other are Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 9. I often feel mistreated by others Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 10. I often feel stress out pressured or in a hurry Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 11. I often get enraged when driving. Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 12. Other’s have made mention to me that my behavior is often hostile or scary Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 13. My disagreements often turn into fights or loud arguments with others Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 14. I like to use drugs or alcohol when I am feeling stressed out or frustrated Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always 15. When things don’t go my way I often get depressed or anxious. Almost Never Rarely Sometimes Frequently Almost Always The Anger Test II Its easy Just get a slip of paper or use your computer notepad and write "Yes" or "No" in response to each question. Ready Lets get started 1 Are you someone who "never gets angry" 2 Do other people think youre angry 1336

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3 Are you a teen looking for anger management for yourself 4 Do you find yourself often saying "Im not angry" 5 Are you critical of other people in your mind and thoughts 6 Do you criticize and/or insult others when you speak to them 7 Do you blame others for your unhappiness or misfortune 8 Do you frequently lose patience with people or situations 9 Do you have a hard time putting yourself in another persons shoes during a disagreement 10 Do you sometimes yell or raise your voice to get your point across 11 Do you feel you have uncontrolled anger or a bad temper 12 Do you find yourself frequently in arguments 13 Do you find yourself in abusive relationships 14 Do you think about acts of aggression or violence 15 Do you notice yourself "looking for a fight" 16 Have you ever been physically aggressive or violent with another person 17 Have you ever been arrested or had the police called because of your actions 18 Have you ever been reported for domestic violence 19 Do you think you may have an anger disorder 20 Do you take out your frustrations while driving 21 Would you describe yourself as bitter 22 Do you find yourself unable to let go of grievances and resentments 23 Do you replay negative experiences over and over in your mind 24 Is anger one of your adult add symptoms 25 Do you feel like other people dont like you or have low self esteem 26 Do you often think that other people are a bunch of idiots 27 Do you often feel like nobody understands you 28 Does it seem to you like other people "just dont get it" 29 Do you think about getting revenge on others 1337

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If you answered "yes" to more than 3 of the questions on this anger test you need anger management help. If you answered "yes" to 10 or more you need to take action soon to prevent serious problems. Anger Management Worksheets These anger management worksheets will help you to identify your anger triggers and find more effective ways to deal with anger. Identifying what causes your anger and being able to recognize early your warning signs that you are becoming angry can help you to plan healthy ways to cope with anger. What is anger Anger is an emotion. It is a signal that we think we are being treated unfairly. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It is okay to feel angry. Actions can be right or wrong. It is not okay to hurt ourselves others or property when we feel angry. So how can we deal with anger and act in healthy ways 1 Recognize anger - know when you are angry and what makes you angry. 2 Practice positive responses - practice practice practice until your new positive responses become good habits Quick List of Ways to Cope with Anger Walk away Exercise Talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with Distract yourself Count 10 breaths Write about it 1338

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Come back and deal with it later when you feel calm Questions About Your Anger 1. How do you know when you are angry 2. Where in your body do you feel anger List your physical signs of being angry. 3. What is the first sign of anger you notice List your early warning signs that tell you when you are starting to become angry. 4. What makes you angry List all the things you can think of... all the way from small annoyances to big problems. 1339

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Symptoms of Anger How do you know when you are angry All of us have symptoms of anger – physical and mental signs that tell us we are angry. Physical Signs Fast heart beat Sweating Shaking Clenched jaws Clenched fists Fast breathing Headaches Stomach aches Upset feeling in the stomach Tight chest Tense muscles Frowning scowling Red face Mental Signs Problems concentrating Confusion Memory problems Thoughts of doing harm Angry thoughts Irritability Short tempered Other signs Yelling Swearing Withdrawing from others Throwing things Pacing How You Handle Anger 1. How do you usually react when you feel angry 2. Think about the last time you reacted in an unhealthy or negative way to anger. What happened right before you got angry 3. How did you react 4. How did you feel after you reacted 5. What could you have done instead 6. What would happen if you were to react in a more positive way 1340

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A Plan for Dealing With Anger 1. Make a plan. Write down one of the situations from your anger scale see anger management worksheets PDF document. Choose one that causes you to feel a little angry. Describe how you would like to react in the future to this situation. 2. Choose a situation near the top of your anger scale see anger management worksheets PDF document. Describe how you would like to react to a situation like this. 3. What negative behavior do you most want to avoid when you experience anger 4. What will you do instead 5. What will you do when you experience your early warning signs of anger 6. How will you handle situations when you feel very angry Practice positive reactions to everyday stresses Walk away instead of reacting in anger. It’s okay to stomp your feet if you need to Exercise. This helps get rid of the physical energy that is built up by anger. Talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with. Phone a friend relative or professional. Tell them about what happened and how you are feeling. Distract yourself. Do something you enjoy like reading TV music games going to the store cooking a meal.... and take your mind off the anger. Come back and deal with it when you are feeling calmer. 1341

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Count 10 breaths. The reasons for counting your breaths are: 1 to calm and relax you by breathing more deeply and 2 to pause for a few moments instead of reacting automatically. Write about it. Get your feelings and thoughts out on paper instead of confronting the source of your anger right away. Deal with it when you feel calm. Get away from the situation and come back later. You will react more positively. The more practice you get at reacting in positive ways waiting until the anger goes down a little before responding and learning new habits the more easily you will be able to manage anger. Relaxation to Deal with Anger: Free Relaxation Script This guided relaxation script describes how to deal with anger quickly and effectively in the moment. Guides you in controlling anger and managing anger when it arises. Its time to take a break.... and relax.... to deal with anger in a healthy productive way. Anger is a normal and natural emotion and there is nothing wrong with having feelings - you are human after all. You have the power to decide how to deal with this emotion you are experiencing. Anger management does not mean holding anger in. It does not mean that you will never feel angry. Anger management is managing the behavioral responses that can arise when you are feeling angry. All you really need to do right now is take a few moments just to relax for you to help you feel relaxed and calm. It feels good to relax. After this short relaxation session is over you can proceed with your day and react in a way that you choose.... relaxing for a moment now will help you to react calmly rather than acting out of emotion. Its okay to be angry. Just allow yourself to feel however it is you are feeling right now noticing this feeling but not reacting just yet. All 1342

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youre doing is observing. Emotions are neither right nor wrong... they just are. Take a deep breath in. Hold for a moment and now breathe out. Breathe in... hold that tension.... and now breathe out.... feeling the tension release with your breath. Breathe in.... and out....... / in..... out..... Keep breathing like this slowly.... deeply.... and let your body relax a little. Turn your attention again to how you are feeling. Notice the physical sensation of anger. Where in your body is the anger stored Some people notice that they tighten their shoulders when they are feeling angry. Others who deal with anger notice clenched fists or tight jaws. Anger may be experienced as a feeling in the stomach.... the neck.... any one or a number of places in the body demonstrate physical symptoms of anger. Many of these physical symptoms are uncomfortable. Some of these symptoms can be relieved right now if you like by relaxing your muscles. Lets relax a few areas to begin this process to deal with anger by relaxing your muscles. Starting with your hands and arms first tighten your hands into fists. Feel the tension in your hands and arms. Hold.... tighter.... tighter.... and relax. Let go allowing your hands and arms to be relaxed loose and limp. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Now see if you can create a feeling of relaxation in your shoulders. Take a moment to relax your shoulders now. You may choose to tighten the muscles and then relax or you can simply relax your shoulders without tensing them first. Do whatever seems to work the best. Focus now on your face and jaws. Relax your face and jaws tensing first if you want to. Let all the tension leave your face..... let the tension leave your jaws.... leaving your face and jaws limp smooth and relaxed. 1343

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Scan your body now for remaining areas of tension. Relax each area that feels tense.... scan your body from head to toe.... relaxing each part of your body. pause Take note of how you are feeling now. Physically. Emotionally. You are controlling anger right now just by the fact that you have not yet reacted with angry behaviors. You have chosen to relax to deal with anger in a healthy way. To increase the control you have over anger you may want to repeat some affirmations to help create realistic rational thinking.... also called self-control thoughts. Here are 5 affirmations for anger management to help deal with anger: I acknowledge that I am feeling angry right now and accept the way I feel. I have the power to control my reactions. I can fully experience this anger yet wait before I take action. I can feel angry but calm and in control at the same time. Its okay to feel angry. Notice again how you are feeling. Physically how are you feeling Let your body relax a little more... relaxing any tense areas. Emotionally how are you feeling See how emotions come and go.... anger can come and go.... it will not last forever. There is a limited time where you exercise self-control before the anger is no longer an issue. You may feel less angry... just as angry... or more angry now than you were at the beginning of this relaxation session. To deal with anger that may remain you may need a way to express the anger and get it out. You do not have to keep your emotions inside... you can choose how to express them. 1344

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You can let anger out by breathing deeply.... breathing in relaxation and breathing out anger.... letting anger go with each breath. There are other ways to express anger too. You can do any of these activities after this script to allow yourself freedom to express the anger you experienced. Physical exercise journaling talking to someone you trust.... there are many ways to express yourself. After the anger has decreased and you are feeling calm you might want to address the situation that was upsetting by taking action to change the situation or speaking to the person you were upset with. Or you may just choose to let the situation go. Once your anger has decreased you can choose whatever option seems best. You have the right to feel a range of emotions including anger and to express these emotions in healthy ways that you choose. Ill conclude this script with some breathing. Take a deep breath in.... and out..... in..... out.... relaxing with each breath / in..... out.... / in..... out.... Keep breathing deeply to deal with anger and feel relaxed and calm. Congratulate yourself for dealing with anger with relaxation. Ill count now from 5 to 1. Imagine that right now you are at a 5 and that when I reach 1 you will be feeling awake and alert yet calm peaceful and relaxed. 1345

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4.38 ANGER MANAGEMENT – PARTII Can you recall the last time you were really angry at someone So much so that you were physically shaken just at the thought of them Rarely does this feeling of anger help us in getting what we want. Often it will work against us resulting in more pain unnecessarily. Even the most gentle of personalities can temporarily turn into a vindictive rascal if pushed far enough. A friend of mine is going through a divorce with a spouse who is unreasonably prolonging the process. He’s sad hurt upset frustrated and very very angry. Words of anger and hatred spout out of his – otherwise polite and thoughtful – mouth. He was no longer his authentic and peaceful self. And he didn’t like who he was becoming. Through helping him come to a place of understanding and forgiveness of his ex-spouse with love compassion and humility we had to dig deep I realized that the same tools can be used in dealing with other negative emotions. For sake of simplicity we will use anger as the target emotion to overcome. Keep in mind that these same tools can be applied to overcome other non-conducive and intense emotions such as jealousy guilt hatred regret and fear. Why Do We Feel Like Crap “It’s amazing how much emotion a little mental concept like ‘my’ can generate.“ - Eckhart Tolle Anger doesn’t feel very good. It’s pretty gross actually. Our stomach tightens-up we become sweaty we react – instead of act – in survival mode. And anger clouds our judgment causing us to respond wildly out of emotion. We’ve all been there. Sometimes it can get so intense that we tremble passionately while feeling strong hate towards other 1346

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people. And when we cool down we would wonder how we allowed ourselves to get in such a messed up state in the first place. The answer is: Very easily. Allow me to explain. Emotion is our body’s response to a thought which could be triggered by an external situation. But this situation is seen through the lens of our own interpretation. Our lens is colored by the mental concepts unique to each of us concepts like good and bad mine and yours like and dislike right and wrong. Keep in mind we all have different lenses thus interpretation conflicts are inevitable. For example we feel very little emotion when someone else loses their wallet. But when it is our own money we suddenly feel pain and the desire to hoard it back to us. The moment we’ve labeled something as “mine” we will experience mental distress when we’ve interpreted that we have ‘lost’ it or are at the risk of losing it. Whether it is my wallet my pride my money my house my car my job my child my stocks my feelings or my dog as long as we feel that it is lost or threatened we will experience pain in the form of anger or other strong negative emotions. We experience pain because we have been trained since children to believe that the things which we have labeled as ‘mine’ are something that define who we are. We’ve identified with it and falsely believed that if we lost it or face losing it we lose ourselves. Suddenly our ego has nothing to identify itself by. Who are we This hurts our ego tremendously. In our minds we feel entitled to more whether it is more money or more respect or a better job or a larger house. Amongst it all we fail to see that our mind will always want more. Greed is a highly addictive state of mind always growing blinding us of reality while convincing us that we’re doing a reasonable thing. 1347

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Common Ingredients of Anger:  Unfairness – We believe that we have been treated unfairly. We tell ourselves that we deserve more and we buy into this story that someone has wronged us.  Lost - We feel that we have lost something that we have identified ourselves with. Feelings pride money car job.  Blame – We blame other people or external situations for having caused our loss for taking advantage of us unfairly. The blame often only resides in our heads and is a product of our imagination. We fail to see things from other people’s perspectives. We become deeply selfish.  Pain - We experience pain mental distress and anxiety. The pain causes physical responses in our body which disturbs our natural energy flow and state of wellbeing.  Focus - We focus on the thing we don’t want and energize it by complaining about it passionately and repeating it to as many people who will listen. This creates a downward spiral of anger. “What we focus on expands” this is true regardless of the emotion. The interesting thing is that if there are two angry people unhappy with each other both people feel a sense of loss unfairness pain and the need to blame the other person. Who is right The answer is: both are right and both are wrong. Why Should We Bother with Overcoming Anger Negative emotions like anger kick us into survival mode as if saying to our body “we are in danger”. There is a physiological change that takes place in our body to prepare us for fight or flight. These physical responses disrupt the natural flow of energy in our body – affecting our heart immune system digestion and hormone production. A negative emotion is therefore toxic to the body and interferes with its harmonious functioning and balance. 1348

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Photo: Gabrielle Hennessey Prolonged anger stress and holding grudges will hurt our adrenal gland and immune system. For women stress on the adrenal gland can affect the reproductive organs uterus ovaries causing them to exhibit abnormal behaviors potentially resulting in sterility. Aren’t your physical and mental health worth more than the mental pressure you are voluntarily piling onto yourself Is it worth it to react out of spiteful emotions and hurt feelings so that we might temporarily satisfy our pride Anger also clouds our judgment and we become consumed with problems and pain. Instead of cutting ourselves loose free from the self- inflicted pain we make irrational unreasonable regretful and hurtful decisions. In the case of divorces the legal fees alone can drain one’s savings unnecessarily leaving both parties unhappy and poor. Nobody wins The Fundamentals of Change Notice how quickly we can fall into a negative state of being A split second maybe. By the same reasoning it should take us the same amount of time to shift into a resourceful state of being. The challenge here is that we have been conditioned from a very young age to remain in an un-resourceful state. Nobody gave us the tools to shift our state into a positive one. Often our parents didn’t know how and still do not know how. 1349

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When negative feelings arise we have two choices 1. To follow the habitual pattern we’ve learned since we were young to react and allow the negativity to consume us. 2. Or to interrupt the pattern we have been conditioned to follow and in doing so build new neural pathways that allows for alternative possibilities. There are essentially three ways to interrupt a behavioral pattern:  Visual - Change your thoughts.  Verbal – Change your language.  Kinesthetic – Change your physical position. 15 Ways to Overcome Anger Some of these tools might be more effective for some of us than others. For me “Look Up” has been the most effective thus I’m listing it first. I’ve also seen good results where several of these are used in combination. Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas 1. Look Up The fastest way to change negative feelings is by changing our physical position right away. The easiest way to physically change is by moving our eye position. When we are in a negative state we are likely looking 1350

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down. Suddenly looking up into our visual plane will interrupt the negative patterns of sinking into the quick sand of bad feelings. Any sudden physical change will do the trick:  Stand up and stretch while letting out an audible sigh.  Exaggerate and change your facial expressions.  Walk over to a window where there is sunlight.  Do 10 jumping jacks.  Do a ridiculous dance that pokes fun at you.  Massage the back of your neck with one hand while singing happy birthday. Try this next time you feel a negative or unpleasant thought come up. 2. “What Do You Want” Sit down and write down exactly what it is that you want out of the current situation. Your job is to describe the end result you would like to see. Be clear realistic and fair. Be specific with your description. Including dates of when you would like to see the results. Once you have this clearly mapped out and when you find yourself drifting into negative thoughts of what you don’t want you can shift your focus on this list instead. Also when we do this exercise consciously we’ll come to find that the arbitrary and materialistic things that we thought we wanted aren’t want we want after all. Clarity is a beautiful thing. 3. Eliminate: Don’t Not No Words such as Don’t Not No Can’t gets us focused on the things that we don’t want. Language is a powerful thing and can influence our subconscious mind and ultimately our feelings. When you catch yourself using a negated word see if you can replace it with another word of opposing meaning. Example: instead of saying “I don’t want war” say “I want peace”. 1351

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4. Finding the Light Darkness can only be eliminated when there is light like a lamp or sunlight. In the same way negative things can only be replaced by positive things. Remember that regardless of what is happening to us externally or how bad things appear in our mind we always have the choice to speak and see things positively. I know this is harder to do when you’re in midst of heated emotions but I’m a big believer that there is something to be learned from every situation we encounter. Look for the lesson. Find something about the situation that you’ve gained whether it’s a material possession or an understanding or a personal growth. Find the light so you can uncover the darkness of your mind. 5. Surrender Surrender to our ego’s need to be right to blame to be spiteful and to be revengeful. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to the pull to become worked-up by the situation. Become mindful. Watch your thoughts and learn to separate your thoughts from your own identity. Your thoughts are not you. Things will play out regardless of whether we become emotional or not. Trust that the universe will work its course and do its job. By not surrendering we get worked up for nothing and our body will suffer as a result of it. 6. Circle of Influence When we are feeling down it’s easy to be sucked into the downward spiral of bad feelings. It really doesn’t help to be around others complaining about the same issues. It’s counter-productive to getting well. Instead find a group of people with a positive outlook. When we are around such a group of people they will remind us of things we already know deep within us we can start to recognize the good and the 1352

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positives. When we are down we can draw energy from them in order to rise above the problem and negative state. In the same way that being around negative people can affect you in a negative way being around happy and optimistic people can raise our awareness and help us move out of the un-resourceful state. 7. Gratitude Exercise Find an uninterrupted space and bring a notepad and pen with you. List out in as much detail everything you are grateful for in your life either in the past or present either experiences relationships friendships opportunities or material possessions. Fill up the page and use as many pages as you have things to be thankful for. Be sure to thank your heart and your body. This is a simple yet underestimated tool to help us focus our attention on what matters. This exercise can also shift our state of mind from one of a lower frequency to that of a higher frequency. It also helps us to gain clarity and to remind ourselves that we have much to be thankful for. No matter how bad things get we always always have things to be grateful for. If anything we have the opportunity of life in which we have the freedom to grow to learn to help others to create to experience to love. I’ve also found it particularly effective to add silent meditation for 5-10 minutes prior and visualizing everything on your gratitude list after the gratitude exercise. Try it for yourself 8. Meditation Meditation is training for the mind to calm the noise in our mental space to lower our thought count to draw out inner wisdom and mostly it helps us to recognize and remain anchored in our divine state. Regardless of what is happening external to us we have the capacity to remain centered in a state of acceptance of flow of peace and of love. 1353

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When we are in this state we are rational and have the clarity we need to handle any situation with grace and with minimal stress on our body. 9. Breathing Relaxation Techniques Most of us are shallow breathers and air only stays in the top of our lungs. Deep breathing exercises will get more oxygen into our brains and into the rest of our body. Try this:  Sit up straight in your chair or stand up.  Loosen up clothing especially if your stomach feels tight.  Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth.  Put one hand on your abdominal area over your belly.  When you inhale feel your hand expanding as air is filled up in your diaphragm.  When you exhale feel your hand retracting to the initial placement.  Count in your mind the number of inhales and exhales and gradually level them off such that both take equal counts.  Slowly add a count to your exhale.  Keep adding a count to your exhale until the count for exhales doubles that of the count for inhales.  Repeat this breathing rhythm for 5 to 10 times.  Keep your eyes closed in silence for a few minutes afterwards. 10. Laughter We cannot laugh and be upset at the same time. When we make the physical movement required to laugh or smile we instantly feel light- hearted and joyful. Try it now: give me that beautiful smile of yours. I want a genuine and large smile now J How do you feel Do you feel an instant jolt of joy Did you temporarily forget about your problems List out a series of movies that make you laugh and stock them up at home. Or meet up with a humorous friend who can really get you 1354

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laughing. For my friend going through the divorce I prescribed Episode 10 of “Survivor Gabon” he laughed until his stomach hurt and told me the next day that he slept very well without once thinking about the negativity that would otherwise trigger anger. 11. Forgiveness Photo: Cindy Loughridge For my little vindictive rascals out there I know the idea to forgive your ‘enemy’ sounds counter-intuitive. The longer you hold on to the grudge the more painful emotions you will experience the more turbulence you are putting on your body the more damage you are inflicting on your long-term health and wellness. Unable to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. And there’s no way around it. 12. Snap a Rubber Band Wear an elastic/rubber band around your wrist at all times. Every time you find yourself having a thought that would lead to a downward negative cycle snap the rubber band. It might sting a little. But this actually trains our mind to avoid triggering those thoughts. Pain is an amazing motivator. 1355

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13. Identify and Eliminate Your Triggers Sit down and brainstorm a list of reminders and activities that will trigger this negative emotion in us. It might be hearing the word ‘divorce’ or someone’s name or going to a particular restaurant. Commit to yourself to eliminate the mentioning of these triggers from your life. If we know something will upset us why would we bother triggering it 14. Identify What Anger Brings List all the things that you’ve gained as a result of being angry. When you’re done go down this list and count the number of positive things that are actually conducive to your wellbeing. By the way “making the other person suffer and feel pain” does not count as “conducive to your wellbeing”. This exercise helps us bring more awareness rationality and clarity into the situation. 15. Seek Closure. Solve the Problem To the best of your ability do not drag anything on for the sake of “winning” or “being right” it’s not healthy for anyone involved. Just because we surrender to the external events and choose not to give them any more attention does not mean that we sit back passively to let others step all over us. Take action that will help you move onto the next step and closer to resolution. Be proactive and thoughtful. The faster you can get the problem resolved the quicker you can set yourself free mentally. 1356

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4.39 LEADERSHIP STYLES There are a number of different approaches or styles to leadership and management that are based on different assumptions and theories. The style that individuals use will be based on a combination of their beliefs values and preferences as well as the organizational culture and norms which will encourage some styles and discourage others.  Charismatic Leadership  Participative Leadership  Situational Leadership  Transactional Leadership  Transformational Leadership  The Quiet Leader  Servant Leadership Additional research  The Managerial Grid: Blake and Moutons people-task balance.  Lewins leadership styles: Three original styles.  Likerts leadership styles: from autocratic to participative.  Six Emotional Leadership Styles: from Mr. Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman and friends. Negative styles There are some relatively common styles of management that are anything but models of good leadership.  Post-hoc Management: A poor but common style.  Micromanagement: Controls every detail.  Seagull Management: Flying in pooping on you and flying off again.  Mushroom Management: Drop them in the poo and keep them in the dark.  Kipper management: Two-faced approach. 1357

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Charismatic Leadership Assumptions  Charm and grace are all that is needed to create followers.  Self-belief is a fundamental need of leaders.  People follow others that they personally admire. Style The Charismatic Leader gathers followers through dint of personality and charm rather than any form of external power or authority. The searchlight of attention It is interesting to watch a Charismatic Leader working the room as they move from person to person. They pay much attention to the person they are talking to at any one moment making that person feel like they are for that time the most important person in the world. Charismatic Leaders pay a great deal of attention in scanning and reading their environment and are good at picking up the moods and concerns of both individuals and larger audiences. They then will hone their actions and words to suit the situation. Pulling all of the strings Charismatic Leaders use a wide range of methods to manage their image and if they are not naturally charismatic may practice assiduously at developing their skills. They may engender trust through visible self-sacrifice and taking personal risks in the name of their beliefs. They will show great confidence in their followers. They are very persuasive and make very effective use of body language as well as verbal language. Deliberate charisma is played out in a theatrical sense where the leader is playing to the house to create a desired effect. They also make effective use of storytelling including the use of symbolism and metaphor. 1358

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Many politicians use a charismatic style as they need to gather a large number of followers. If you want to increase your charisma studying videos of their speeches and the way they interact with others is a great source of learning. Religious leaders too may well use charisma as do cult leaders. Leading the team Charismatic Leaders who are building a group whether it is a political party a cult or a business team will often focus strongly on making the group very clear and distinct separating it from other groups. They will then build the image of the group in particular in the minds of their followers as being far superior to all others. The Charismatic Leader will typically attach themselves firmly to the identify of the group such that to join the group is to become one with the leader. In doing so they create an unchallengeable position for themselves. Alternative views The description above is purely based on charisma and takes into account varying moral positions. Other descriptions tend to assume a more benevolent approach. Conger Kanungo 1998 describe five behavioral attributes of Charismatic Leaders that indicate a more transformational viewpoint:  Vision and articulation  Sensitivity to the environment  Sensitivity to member needs  Personal risk taking  Performing unconventional behaviour. Musser 1987 notes that charismatic leaders seek to instil both commitment to ideological goals and also devotion to themselves. The extent to which either of these two goals is dominant depends on the underlying motivations and needs of the leader. 1359

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Discussion The Charismatic Leader and the Transformational Leader can have many similarities in that the Transformational Leader may well be charismatic. Their main difference is in their basic focus. Whereas the Transformational Leader has a basic focus of transforming the organization and quite possibly their followers the Charismatic Leader may not want to change anything. Despite their charm and apparent concern the Charismatic Leader may well be somewhat more concerned with themselves than anyone else. A typical experience with them is that whilst you are talking with them it is like being bathed in a warm and pleasant glow in which they are very convincing. Yet afterwards ask the sunbeam of their attention is moved elsewhere you may begin to question what they said or even whether they said anything of significance at all. The values of the Charismatic Leader are highly significant. If they are well-intentioned towards others they can elevate and transform an entire company. If they are selfish and Machiavellian they can create cults and effectively rape the minds and potentially the bodies of the followers. Their self-belief is so high they can easily believe that they are infallible and hence lead their followers into an abyss even when they have received adequate warning from others. The self-belief can also lead them into psychotic narcissism where their self-absorption or need for admiration and worship can lead to their followers questioning their leadership. They may also be intolerant of challengers and their irreplaceability intentional or otherwise can mean that there are no successors when they leave. 1360

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Participative Leadership Assumptions  Involvement in decision-making improves the understanding of the issues involved by those who must carry out the decisions.  People are more committed to actions where they have involved in the relevant decision-making.  People are less competitive and more collaborative when they are working on joint goals.  When people make decisions together the social commitment to one another is greater and thus increases their commitment to the decision.  Several people deciding together make better decisions than one person alone. Style A Participative Leader rather than taking autocratic decisions seeks to involve other people in the process possibly including subordinates peers superiors and other stakeholders. Often however as it is within the managers whim to give or deny control to his or her subordinates most participative activity is within the immediate team. The question of how much influence others are given thus may vary on the managers preferences and beliefs and a whole spectrum of participation is possible as in the table below. Not participative Highly participative Autocratic decision by leader Leader proposes decision listens to feedback then decides Team proposes decision leader has final decision Joint decision with team as equals Full delegation of decision to team 1361

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There are many varieties on this spectrum including stages where the leader sells the idea to the team. Another variant is for the leader to describe the what of objectives or goals and let the team or individuals decide the how of the process by which the how will be achieved this is often called Management by Objectives. The level of participation may also depend on the type of decision being made. Decisions on how to implement goals may be highly participative whilst decisions during subordinate performance evaluations are more likely to be taken by the manager. Discussion There are many potential benefits of participative leadership as indicated in the assumptions above. This approach is also known as consultation empowerment joint decision-making democratic leadership Management By Objective MBO and power-sharing. Participative Leadership can be a sham when managers ask for opinions and then ignore them. This is likely to lead to cynicism and feelings of betrayal. Transactional Leadership Assumptions  People are motivated by reward and punishment.  Social systems work best with a clear chain of command.  When people have agreed to do a job a part of the deal is that they cede all authority to their manager.  The prime purpose of a subordinate is to do what their manager tells them to do. Style The transactional leader works through creating clear structures whereby it is clear what is required of their subordinates and the rewards that they get for following orders. Punishments are not always 1362

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mentioned but they are also well-understood and formal systems of discipline are usually in place. The early stage of Transactional Leadership is in negotiating the contract whereby the subordinate is given a salary and other benefits and the company and by implication the subordinates manager gets authority over the subordinate. When the Transactional Leader allocates work to a subordinate they are considered to be fully responsible for it whether or not they have the resources or capability to carry it out. When things go wrong then the subordinate is considered to be personally at fault and is punished for their failure just as they are rewarded for succeeding. The transactional leader often uses management by exception working on the principle that if something is operating to defined and hence expected performance then it does not need attention. Exceptions to expectation require praise and reward for exceeding expectation whilst some kind of corrective action is applied for performance below expectation. Whereas Transformational Leadership has more of a selling style Transactional Leadership once the contract is in place takes a telling style. Discussion Transactional leadership is based in contingency in that reward or punishment is contingent upon performance. Despite much research that highlights its limitations Transactional Leadership is still a popular approach with many managers. Indeed in the Leadership vs. Management spectrum it is very much towards the management end of the scale. The main limitation is the assumption of rational man a person who is largely motivated by money and simple reward and hence whose behavior is predictable. The underlying psychology is Behaviorism including the Classical Conditioning of Pavlov and Skinners Operant 1363

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Conditioning. These theories are largely based on controlled laboratory experiments often with animals and ignore complex emotional factors and social values. In practice there is sufficient truth in Behaviorism to sustain Transactional approaches. This is reinforced by the supply-and-demand situation of much employment coupled with the effects of deeper needs as in Maslows Hierarchy. When the demand for a skill outstrips the supply then Transactional Leadership often is insufficient and other approaches are more effective. Hersey and Blanchards Situational Leadership Assumptions  Leaders should adapt their style to follower development style or maturity based on how ready and willing the follower is to perform required tasks that is their competence and motivation.  There are four leadership styles S1 to S4 that match the development levels R1 to R4 of the followers.  The four styles suggest that leaders should put greater or less focus on the task in question and/or the relationship between the leader and the follower depending on the development level of the follower. 1364

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Style Leadership style in response to follower development level Follower development level Low High R1 R2 R3 R 4 Task/directive behavior Low High High Relationship/ supportive behavior Low S2 Selling/ Coaching Some competence variable commitment S3 Participati ng/ Supporting High competence variable commitment S1 Telling/ Directing Low competence low commitment S4 Delegating Observing High competence high commitment S1: Telling / Directing Follower: R1: Low competence low commitment / Unable and unwilling or insecure Leader: High task focus low relationship focus When the follower cannot do the job and is unwilling or afraid to try then the leader takes a highly directive role telling them what to do but 1365

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without a great deal of concern for the relationship. The leader may also provide a working structure both for the job and in terms of how the person is controlled. The leader may first find out why the person is not motivated and if there are any limitations in ability. These two factors may be linked for example where a person believes they are less capable than they should be may be in some form of denial or other coping. They follower may also lack self-confidence as a result. If the leader focused more on the relationship the follower may become confused about what must be done and what is optional. The leader thus maintains a clear do this position to ensure all required actions are clear. S2: Selling / Coaching Follower: R2: Some competence variable commitment / Unable but willing or motivated Leader: High task focus high relationship focus When the follower can do the job at least to some extent and perhaps is over-confident about their ability in this then telling them what to do may demotivate them or lead to resistance. The leader thus needs to sell another way of working explaining and clarifying decisions. The leader thus spends time listening and advising and where appropriate helping the follower to gain necessary skills through coaching methods. Note: S1 and S2 are leader-driven. S3: Participating / Supporting Follower: R3: High competence variable commitment / Able but unwilling or insecure Leader: Low task focus high relationship focus 1366

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When the follower can do the job but is refusing to do it or otherwise showing insufficient commitment the leader need not worry about showing them what to do and instead is concerned with finding out why the person is refusing and thence persuading them to cooperate. There is less excuse here for followers to be reticent about their ability and the key is very much around motivation. If the causes are found then they can be addressed by the leader. The leader thus spends time listening praising and otherwise making the follower feel good when they show the necessary commitment. S4: Delegating / Observing Follower: R4: High competence high commitment / Able and willing or motivated Leader: Low task focus low relationship focus When the follower can do the job and is motivated to do it then the leader can basically leave them to it largely trusting them to get on with the job although they also may need to keep a relatively distant eye on things to ensure everything is going to plan. Followers at this level have less need for support or frequent praise although as with anyone occasional recognition is always welcome. Note: S3 and S4 are follower-led. Discussion Hersey and Blanchard of One Minute Manager fame have written a short and very readable book on the approach. It is simple and easy to understand which makes it particularly attractive for practicing managers who do not want to get into heavier material. It also is accepted in wider spheres and often appears in college courses. It is limited however and is based on assumptions that can be challenged for example the assumption that at the telling level the relationship is of lower importance. 1367

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Transformational Leadership Assumptions People will follow a person who inspires them. A person with vision and passion can achieve great things. The way to get things done is by injecting enthusiasm and energy. Style Working for a Transformational Leader can be a wonderful and uplifting experience. They put passion and energy into everything. They care about you and want you to succeed. Developing the vision Transformational Leadership starts with the development of a vision a view of the future that will excite and convert potential followers. This vision may be developed by the leader by the senior team or may emerge from a broad series of discussions. The important factor is the leader buys into it hook line and sinker. Selling the vision The next step which in fact never stops is to constantly sell the vision. This takes energy and commitment as few people will immediately buy into a radical vision and some will join the show much more slowly than others. The Transformational Leader thus takes every opportunity and will use whatever works to convince others to climb on board the bandwagon. In order to create followers the Transformational Leader has to be very careful in creating trust and their personal integrity is a critical part of the package that they are selling. In effect they are selling themselves as well as the vision. 1368

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Finding the way forwards In parallel with the selling activity is seeking the way forward. Some Transformational Leaders know the way and simply want others to follow them. Others do not have a ready strategy but will happily lead the exploration of possible routes to the promised land. The route forwards may not be obvious and may not be plotted in details but with a clear vision the direction will always be known. Thus finding the way forward can be an ongoing process of course correction and the Transformational Leader will accept that there will be failures and blind canyons along the way. As long as they feel progress is being made they will be happy. Leading the charge The final stage is to remain up-front and central during the action. Transformational Leaders are always visible and will stand up to be counted rather than hide behind their troops. They show by their attitudes and actions how everyone else should behave. They also make continued efforts to motivate and rally their followers constantly doing the rounds listening soothing and enthusing. It is their unswerving commitment as much as anything else that keeps people going particularly through the darker times when some may question whether the vision can ever be achieved. If the people do not believe that they can succeed then their efforts will flag. The Transformational Leader seeks to infect and reinfect their followers with a high level of commitment to the vision. One of the methods the Transformational Leader uses to sustain motivation is in the use of ceremonies rituals and other cultural symbolism. Small changes get big hurrahs pumping up their significance as indicators of real progress. Overall they balance their attention between action that creates progress and the mental state of their followers. Perhaps more than other approaches they are people-oriented and believe that success comes first and last through deep and sustained commitment. 1369

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Discussion Whilst the Transformational Leader seeks overtly to transform the organization there is also a tacit promise to followers that they also will be transformed in some way perhaps to be more like this amazing leader. In some respects then the followers are the product of the transformation. Transformational Leaders are often charismatic but are not as narcissistic as pure Charismatic Leaders who succeed through a belief in themselves rather than a belief in others. One of the traps of Transformational Leadership is that passion and confidence can easily be mistaken for truth and reality. Whilst it is true that great things have been achieved through enthusiastic leadership it is also true that many passionate people have led the charge right over the cliff and into a bottomless chasm. Just because someone believes they are right it does not mean they are right. Paradoxically the energy that gets people going can also cause them to give up. Transformational Leaders often have large amounts of enthusiasm which if relentlessly applied can wear out their followers. Transformational Leaders also tend to see the big picture but not the details where the devil often lurks. If they do not have people to take care of this level of information then they are usually doomed to fail. Finally Transformational Leaders by definition seek to transform. When the organization does not need transforming and people are happy as they are then such a leader will be frustrated. Like wartime leaders however given the right situation they come into their own and can be personally responsible for saving entire companies. 1370

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The Quiet Leader Assumptions The actions of a leader speak louder than his or her words. People are motivated when you give them credit rather than take it yourself. Ego and aggression are neither necessary nor constructive. Style The approach of quiet leaders is the antithesis of the classic charismatic and often transformational leaders in that they base their success not on ego and force of character but on their thoughts and actions. Although they are strongly task-focused they are neither bullies nor unnecessarily unkind and may persuade people through rational argument and a form of benevolent Transactional Leadership. The Level 5 leader In his book Good To Great Jim Collins identified five levels of effectiveness people can take in organizations. At level four is the merely effective leader whilst at level five the leader who combines professional will with personal humility. The professional will indicates how they are far from being timid wilting flowers and will march against any advice if they believe it is the right thing to do. In personal humility they put the well-being of others before their own personal needs for example giving others credit after successes but taking personal responsibility for failures. Taoist writings The quiet leader is not a modern invention and Lao Tzu who in the classic Taoist text Tao Te Ching was discussing the same characteristic around 500 BC: 1371

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The very highest is barely known by men Then comes that which they know and love Then that which is feared Then that which is despised. He who does not trust enough will not be trusted. When actions are performed Without unnecessary speech People say “We did it” Here again the highest level of leadership is virtually invisible. Discussion To some extent the emphasis on the quiet leader is a reaction against the lauding of charismatic leaders in the press. In particular during the heady days of the dot-com boom of the 1990s some very verbal leaders got much coverage. Meanwhile the quiet leaders were getting on with the job. Being quiet of course is not the secret of the universe and leaders still need to see the way forwards. Their job can be harder when they are faced with people of a more external character. For people accustomed to an extraverted charismatic style a quiet style can be very confusing and they may downplay the person which is usually a mistake. Successful quiet leaders often play the values card to persuade others showing selfishness and lack of emotional control as being unworthy characteristics. Again there is a trap in this and leadership teams can fall into patterns of behavior where peace and harmony are prized over any form of challenge and conflict. 1372

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Servant leadership Assumptions The leader has responsibility for the followers. Leaders have a responsibility towards society and those who are disadvantaged. People who want to help others best do this by leading them. Style The servant leader serves others rather than others serving the leader. Serving others thus comes by helping them to achieve and improve. There are two criteria of servant leadership:  The people served grow as individuals becoming healthier wiser more autonomous and more likely themselves to become servants Greenleaf 1977.  The extent to which the leadership benefits those who are least advantaged in society or at least does not disadvantage them. Principles of servant leadership defined by the Alliance for Servant Leadership are:  Transformation as a vehicle for personal and institutional growth.  Personal growth as a route to better serve others.  Enabling environments that empower and encourage service.  Service as a fundamental goals.  Trusting relationships as a basic platform for collaboration and service.  Creating commitment as a way to collaborative activity.  Community building as a way to create environments in which people can trust each other and work together.  Nurturing the spirit as a way to provide joy and fulfilment in meaningful work. 1373

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Spears 2002 lists: listening empathy healing awareness persuasion conceptualization foresight stewardship commitment to growth of people and building community. An excellent example of a servant leader is Ernest Shackleton the early 20th century explorer who after his ship became frozen in the Antarctic life brought every one of his 27 crew home alive including an 800 mile journey in open boats across the winter Antarctic seas. It took two years but Shackletons sense of responsibility towards his men never wavered. Discussion Greenleaf says that true leadership "emerges from those whose primary motivation is a deep desire to help others." Servant leadership is a very moral position putting the well-being of the followers before other goals. It is easy to dismiss servant leadership as soft and easy though this is not necessarily so as individual followers may be expected to make sacrifices for the good of the whole in the way of the servant leader. The focus on the less privileged in society shows the servant leader as serving not just their followers but also the whole of society. Servant leadership is a natural model for working in the public sector. It requires more careful interpretation in the private sector lest the needs of the shareholders and customers and the rigors of market competition are lost. A challenge to servant leadership is in the assumption of the leader that the followers want to change. There is also the question of what better is and who decides this. Servant leadership aligns closely with religious morals and has been adopted by several Christian organizations. 1374

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The Managerial Grid Description Leaders may be concerned for their people and they also must also have some concern for the work to be done. The question is how much attention to they pay to one or the other This is a model defined by Blake and Mouton in the early 1960s. High Country Club management Team management Medium Middle of the road management Concern for People Low Impoverished management Authority- compliance Low Medium High Concern for Production Task Impoverished management Minimum effort to get the work done. A basically lazy approach that avoids as much work as possible. Authority-compliance Strong focus on task but with little concern for people. Focus on efficiency including the elimination of people wherever possible. 1375

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Country Club management Care and concern for the people with a comfortable and friendly environment and collegial style. But a low focus on task may give questionable results. Middle of the road management A weak balance of focus on both people and the work. Doing enough to get things done but not pushing the boundaries of what may be possible. Team management Firing on all cylinders: people are committed to task and leader is committed to people as well as task. Discussion This is a well-known grid that uses the Task vs. Person preference that appears in many other studies such as the Michigan Leadership Studies and the Ohio State Leadership Studies. Many other task-people models and variants have appeared since then. They are both clearly important dimensions but as other models point out they are not all there is to leadership and management. The Managerial Grid was the original name. It later changed to the Leadership Grid. Lewins leadership styles Description Kurt Lewin and colleagues did leadership decision experiments in 1939 and identified three different styles of leadership in particular around decision-making. 1376

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Autocratic In the autocratic style the leader takes decisions without consulting with others. The decision is made without any form of consultation. In Lewins experiments he found that this caused the most level of discontent. An autocratic style works when there is no need for input on the decision where the decision would not change as a result of input and where the motivation of people to carry out subsequent actions would not be affected whether they were or were not involved in the decision- making. Democratic In the democratic style the leader involves the people in the decision- making although the process for the final decision may vary from the leader having the final say to them facilitating consensus in the group. Democratic decision-making is usually appreciated by the people especially if they have been used to autocratic decisions with which they disagreed. It can be problematic when there are a wide range of opinions and there is no clear way of reaching an equitable final decision. Laissez-Faire The laissez-faire style is to minimize the leaders involvement in decision-making and hence allowing people to make their own decisions although they may still be responsible for the outcome. Laissez-faire works best when people are capable and motivated in making their own decisions and where there is no requirement for a central coordination for example in sharing resources across a range of different people and groups. 1377

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Discussion In Lewin et als experiments he discovered that the most effective style was Democratic. Excessive autocratic styles led to revolution whilst under a Laissez-faire approach people were not coherent in their work and did not put in the energy that they did when being actively led. These experiments were actually done with groups of children but were early in the modern era and were consequently highly influential. Likerts leadership styles Description Rensis Likert identified four main styles of leadership in particular around decision-making and the degree to which people are involved in the decision. Exploitive authoritative In this style the leader has a low concern for people and uses such methods as threats and other fear-based methods to achieve conformance. Communication is almost entirely downwards and the psychologically distant concerns of people are ignored. Benevolent authoritative When the leader adds concern for people to an authoritative position a benevolent dictatorship is formed. The leader now uses rewards to encourage appropriate performance and listens more to concerns lower down the organization although what they hear is often rose-tinted being limited to what their subordinates think that the boss wants to hear. Although there may be some delegation of decisions almost all major decisions are still made centrally. Consultative The upward flow of information here is still cautious and rose-tinted to some degree although the leader is making genuine efforts to listen 1378

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carefully to ideas. Nevertheless major decisions are still largely centrally made. Participative At this level the leader makes maximum use of participative methods engaging people lower down the organization in decision-making. People across the organization are psychologically closer together and work well together at all levels. Discussion This is a classic 1960s view in that it is still very largely top-down in nature with the cautious addition collaborative elements towards the Utopian final state. Six Emotional Leadership Styles Daniel Goleman Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee in Primal Leadership describe six styles of leading that have different effects on the emotions of the target followers. These are styles not types. Any leader can use any style and a good mix that is customised to the situation is generally the most effective approach. The Visionary Leader The Visionary Leader moves people towards a shared vision telling them where to go but not how to get there - thus motivating them to struggle forwards. They openly share information hence giving knowledge power to others. They can fail when trying to motivate more experienced experts or peers. This style is best when a new direction is needed. Overall it has a very strong impact on the climate. 1379

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The Coaching Leader The Coaching Leader connects wants to organizational goals holding long conversations that reach beyond the workplace helping people find strengths and weaknesses and tying these to career aspirations and actions. They are good at delegating challenging assignments demonstrating faith that demands justification and which leads to high levels of loyalty. Done badly this style looks like micromanaging. It is best used when individuals need to build long-term capabilities. It has a highly positive impact on the climate. The Affiliative Leader The Affiliative Leader creates people connections and thus harmony within the organization. It is a very collaborative style which focuses on emotional needs over work needs. When done badly it avoids emotionally distressing situations such as negative feedback. Done well it is often used alongside visionary leadership. It is best used for healing rifts and getting through stressful situations. It has a positive impact on climate. The Democratic Leader The Democratic Leader acts to value inputs and commitment via participation listening to both the bad and the good news. When done badly it looks like lots of listening but very little effective action. It is best used to gain buy-in or when simple inputs are needed when you are uncertain. It has a positive impact on climate. 1380

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The Pace-setting Leader The Pace-setting Leader builds challenge and exciting goals for people expecting excellence and often exemplifying it themselves. They identify poor performers and demand more of them. If necessary they will roll up their sleeves and rescue the situation themselves. They tend to be low on guidance expecting people to know what to do. They get short term results but over the long term this style can lead to exhaustion and decline. Done badly it lacks Emotional Intelligence especially self-management. A classic problem happens when the star techie gets promoted. It is best used for results from a motivated and competent team. It often has a very negative effect on climate because it is often poorly done. The Commanding Leader The Commanding Leader soothes fears and gives clear directions by his or her powerful stance commanding and expecting full compliance agreement is not needed. They need emotional self-control for success and can seem cold and distant. This approach is best in times of crisis when you need unquestioned rapid action and with problem employees who do not respond to other methods. Negative Negative styles styles There are some relatively common styles of management that are anything but models of good leadership. Post-hoc Management Although not an official management theory what can be called Post- hoc management is practiced widely on a daily basis around the world and most people will instantly recognize it. It is very common in small companies where there are few formal systems and where there is a 1381

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general autocratic style. It also appears in larger organizations where results take precedence over rules or where politics leads to impression management being a primary activity. Principle The basic principle of post-hoc management is that as judge and jury the manager is always right and never to blame. In this way they can remain secure in their job. Vague objectives The first sign of post-hoc management is a vague start to work typically with unclear and general objectives. If the manager is asked for clarity they will typically say something like youre the expert or this is why we employ you with the implication that not knowing what indicates a lack of competence on your part. This can be endemic in an organization where it happens all the way up the management tree. The edict Managers must manage is a typical statement by a more senior person that essentially implies that you are on your own. Wise in hindsight Being right means judging others after the fact where 20-20 hindsight allows them to conclude what should have been done. It places the manager as a wise expert who cannot be challenged. In fact the manager actually uses the respect required by their formal position as a substitute for the true respect engendered by expertise. Their seniority thus acts as a protective wall and any challenge to their expertise is reinterpreted as an attack on their rank which they can repel with accusations of insubordination. One way of recognizing the post-hoc manager is the phrase Why didnt you... Their suggestions usually sound reasonable but do not take into account time limitations and the myriad of other things that could have been done. Most work planning includes decisions not to do a lot of things that would make sense if you had the time but get prioritized out by the greater importance and urgency of other work. 1382

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If you are always right then others are always wrong and the post-hoc manager often bemoans how they are surrounded by fools. Yet this also makes the manager feel clever and superior and they seldom seek to employ people who are better than them. This sometimes does happen by accident when a good person slips through the mediocre net but the frustrations caused by post-hoc management often means that the best people quickly understand the problem and move on as soon as possible. Critical benefits The post-hoc manager also benefits from the critic effect whereby people who criticize are seen as being more intelligent that those who propose creative solutions. The manager may be creative too but does it in a way that protects them from blame. For example they may make various interesting suggestions as to what should be done which puts the other person in the double bind that if they do not follow the managers suggestions then if things go less than perfectly the manager will blame them for not taking up the idea. If they implement the idea and it works then the manager can take most of the credit whilst if it fails then the manager can blame them for a poor implementation or say It was only an idea effectively suggesting that you are incapable of developing your own ideas. Whilst not an official management theory Post-hoc management is sadly an all-too-frequent reality. It reflects the human condition and the need for control safety and status that often take priority over values that require integrity and concern for others. Micromanagement There is a style of management with which many are familiar and which has acquired the name micromanagement. The manager in question acts as if the subordinate is incapable of doing the job giving close instruction and checking everything the person does. They seldom 1383

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praise and often criticize. Whatever their subordinates do nothing seems good enough. It is the opposite of leadership. The micromanagement experience For the individual this tends to be incredibly frustrating. They are being treated as if they are incapable and untrustworthy. We often see ourselves as others see us and when treated as unworthy we will soon feel unworthy. In this way people who are micromanaged can become dependent unable to make the smallest decision without asking their manager. Alternatives to this total submission which many take include remaining frustrated or leaving. In any case it is easy for ones confidence to be severely knocked. Why micromanage Why do managers micromanage There can be a number of reasons. First they may reasonably not trust the person either because there is evidence to support this or because the newness of the relationship has not yet yielded evidence to support trust. There might also be a high- risk situation which merits extra management attention. A more likely explanation is an internal need for the manager to manage closely. They may fear failure personally transfer that risk to the person then take ownership of the persons work. The manager may also feel or want to feel superior to the person effectively confusing authority with ability. The person thus seems incompetent and the manager looks for confirmation of this in the smallest details of the persons work. A minor error is thus taken as evidence of the persons total incompetence and the managers obvious superiority. This can be a reversal of a childhood situation with a critical parent. Just as the abused become abusers so also may the criticized become critical. Micromanagement also plays to strong identity and control needs. Telling people what to do and not do is a strong controlling action whilst the sense of superiority strokes the identity ego. 1384

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When it is appropriate Sometimes close management is a realistic option. When a person is working in a job where they do not have the knowledge or ability to do the job and where mistakes are costly and highly undesirable then they will need careful supervision and education until they are able to work by themselves. Sometimes also a person may become destructive for some inner reason such as disliking the company or its managers and they need careful watching in case they do something harmful. How to handle micromanagers So what should you do when faced with a micromanager The first thing is to recognize that it is their issue not yours. However this disability means they lack certain abilities and because of your situation you are going to have to handle it. The worst thing you can do is to get into a power struggle as this is very likely to result in the micromanager using all the formal power at their disposal to beat you into submission including threats of dismissal and negative references. The simplest approach is to listen patiently and attentively when they tell you what to do they hate being ignored. If you really disagree with what they are saying ask politely for their reasons or explain your concern and ask for their advice. Quietly and carefully ensure you cannot be blamed for the micromanagers decisions it can be useful to keep notes and confirm directives in emails in case of later disagreement. You can give them feedback through a third party if necessary about how they are behaving and how this makes you feel. Some micromanagers do not intend to act this way and will make genuine attempts to improve. Many however will feel slighted and the result can be unhelpful. In consequence think carefully before using this approach. 1385

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A reversal can be an interesting alternative effectively micromanaging them. Book their time to agree what you will be doing. Agree in detail what you will be doing. Let them make every decision. Then do exactly what they said and report back that you have completed each step. Go back often to check for new each decision. In the end they may tire of your constant attention and tell you to back off. You can also pre-empt and prompt this by occasionally asking if your approach to managing the detail through them is ok and whether theyd prefer you to decide more things yourself. Another approach is to use their control and identity needs as levers. Use these as punishment and reward carefully removing control and isolating them or giving feedback that shows they are in control and are wonderful. For example when they over-control avoid them whilst when they give you more space even a little look at them and smile identity stroking. Be very subtle in all this -- if the micromanager feels micromanaged they will react strongly. In this way you will feel more in control yourself even as you give them a greater sense of control. Living with a micromanager need not be painful and it can be an interesting challenge Seagull management Description Seagull management is a humorous term that is used to describe a style of management whereby the person flies in poops on you and then flies away again. When they are there they typically give criticism and direction in equal quantities often without any real understanding of what the job entails. Then before you can object or ask what they really want they have an important meeting to go to. The experience of having a seagull manager is not positive. Whilst they are there they talk non-stop and actively discourage anyone else from saying anything. This can include avoiding eye contact and continuing to talk over you if you start to say anything. 1386

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You may typically feel under-valued and generally abuse. The best thing that can be said is that they are typically there not very often and you can largely get on with the job by yourself. Why it happens The Seagull Manager like to consider themselves as important. However they also know that they do not know that much and fear being exposed by questions or debate. They consequently grab the talking stick and do not stop until they can excuse themselves and leave. It is possible that they really are busy but what they miss is the importance of person-management. They are likely to be strongly task- based and consider the soft stuff as fluffy and unnecessary. Their approach is thus highly transactional based on the simple premise do as I say and youll continue to get paid. What to do about it What you need to do about Seagull Managers depends largely on your job. If you can work independently then the best approach is often to listen patiently then ignore them. As long as you are delivering value they may not actually be too concerned about how you get there. Unlike the micromanager they are not that interested in control over you. If however their approach is damaging to your career and health then you need to address the issue. Book a meeting with them if you can to discuss your work. Write down what your objectives are and what you are doing and give it to them. They may ignore it but this will give you tacit ammunition if you need it later. If things are particularly bad this is a definite case for assertiveness which is probably good anyway. Talk to them about what they are doing and the effect they are having. You may also need to talk with their manager or HR. Worst case look for another position with a better manager who knows how to lead. A novel approach is to deliberately chase them with complex detail for which they have no time. As they retreat or woffle at you offer a 1387

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simpler alternative that is easy for them to accept. You can also always reframe what they said casting it into a more sensible light. Because the most important thing in the Seagull Managers life is the Seagull Manager if you can deliver results then they may well leave you to your own devices or give moderate support. Deliver regular short messages that shows you are making good progress. Also work to make them look good to the rest of the organization despite temptations to the contrary. If they think you are acting contrary to their interests they will just fly by more often and poop on you even more If you are a manager If you are a manager then seagull management is of course something to avoid. It is a trap that may seem easy but in practice it will alienate and demotivate your staff. If there are wiser people above you then they also will find out what is happening and your advancement will halt or regress. The real lesson here is to sustain a good relationship with your people. Whilst you need not and should not be best mates with them you should respect them and communicate regularly and with integrity. Listen too -- this is a key skill and frequent activity of good leaders. Mushroom management Description In a common metaphor the mushroom manager plants you knee-deep or worse in the smelly stuff and keeps you in the dark. In practice this means you get to do all the work that they do not want. They do not communicate and generally ignore you so you do not know their plans or what else might be going on in the organization. Why it happens Mushroom managers are often more concerned about their own career and image. Anyone who appears as a threat may well be deliberately held back as their ability may make the mushroom manager look bad. 1388

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Mushroom managers may also have their favorites on whom they lavish attention and the plum jobs. Others are swept away and given the dross. Managers may take the mushroom route is that they just do not care about some or all of their people. Sometimes mushroom managers are just incompetent and know no better. What to do about it If you are a quiet mouse who likes to keep your head down and avoid other people then you may like a mushroom manager just so long as they do not over-do it. Somebody has to handle the unpopular work which may make you feel safe and comfortable. Staying away from other work is fine as it lets you go home at a regular hour. Not everyone needs high ambition. On the other hand a mushroom manager may annoy you as they hold back your career and give you little opportunity to shine. Be assertive. Talk to them about what they are doing and the effect they are having. Do not lie down and be the doormat who says thank you for any scraps they care to throw you. Remember that you always have more power than you think you have. Kipper Management Description Fish might unfairly be accused of being two-faced as you only get to see one side at once. This principle is also applicable to the two-faced manager who has different faces and styles depending on the situation. When they are with more senior managers they are typically model employees putting business first and themselves last. Yet with their subordinates the reverse is often true with the individuals carrying the can for both pulling out the stops to get things done in time and then blame when things go wrong through no fault of their own. The kipper will change with the wind as the need arises. They are chums when things need doing and backstabbers when there is glory or reward to be gained. The kippers hero is probably Machiavelli. 1389

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Why it happens The key reason why the kipper is so two-faced or many-faced is that their values with regard to integrity are largely non-existent. They literally see nothing wrong in acting differently with different people and may even be proud of their ability to act differently in different situations calling it something like style flexibility. Historically the kipper may have been taught that this is how it works. They may also have a deeper background where trust was low and abusive relationships common. What to do about it Make sure you always have something that the kipper needs. This will keep their kinder face towards you. If the kipper regularly turns their bad face on you consider fighting fire with fire and standing up to them. Many kippers will turn a kinder face to those who are not easily cowed. Also consider taking the matter further particularly if you can show the kipper is seriously breaking company values. Kippers are natural cowards and admire power. They are hence susceptible to blackmail although this is seldom a good approach. If however they know that you know something that they do not want others to know no words may be necessary and they may treat you much better. If you are a more senior manager and suspect you have a kipper in your ranks get 360 degree views on them from different people. The kipper may also happily betray themselves in boasts of what and how they got people to do things for them. 1390

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4.40 SWOT ANALYSIS The SWOT analysis is an extremely useful tool for understanding and decision-making for all sorts of situations in business and organizations. SWOT is an acronym for Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities Threats. The SWOT analysis headings provide a good framework for reviewing strategy position and direction of a company or business proposition or any other idea. Completing a SWOT analysis is very simple and is a good subject for workshop sessions. SWOT analysis also works well in brainstorming meetings. Use SWOT analysis for business planning strategic planning competitor evaluation marketing business and product development and research reports. You can also use SWOT analysis exercises for team building games. Note that SWOT analysis is often interpreted and used as a SWOT Analysis 2x2 Matrix especially in business and marketing planning. In addition to this 2x2 matrix method SWOT analysis is also a widely recognized method for gathering structuring presenting and reviewing extensive planning data within a larger business or project planning process. Please note: If you use SWOT Analysis as a 2x2 matrix method then technically Strengths and Weaknesses are internal factors generally the case anyway whereas Opportunities and Threats are external factors this can be more difficult since it requires you to ignore internal threats and opportunities. The SWOT 2x2 internal/external matrix method thus only considers external threats and opportunities. A SWOT analysis is a subjective assessment of data which is organized by the SWOT format into a logical order that helps understanding presentation discussion and decision-making. The four dimensions are a useful extension of a basic two heading list of pros and cons . 1391

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SWOT analysis can be used for all sorts of decision-making and the SWOT template enables proactive thinking rather than relying on habitual or instinctive reactions. The SWOT analysis template is normally presented as a grid comprising four sections one for each of the SWOT headings: Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats. The free SWOT template below includes sample questions whose answers are inserted into the relevant section of the SWOT grid. The questions are examples or discussion points and obviously can be altered depending on the subject of the SWOT analysis. Note that many of the SWOT questions are also talking points for other headings - use them as you find most helpful and make up your own to suit the issue being analysed. It is important to clearly identify the subject of a SWOT analysis because a SWOT analysis is a perspective of one thing be it a company a product a proposition and idea a method or option etc. swot analysis matrix - in business/marketing - internal v external factors Modern SWOT analysis in business and marketing situations is normally structured so that a 2x2 matrix grid can be produced according to two pairs of dimensions. Strengths and Weaknesses are mapped or graphed against Opportunities and Threats. To enable this to happen cleanly and clearly and from a logical point of view anyway when completing a SWOT analysis in most business and marketing situations Strengths and Weaknesses are regarded distinctly as internal factors whereas Opportunities and Threats are regarded distinctly as external factors. 1392

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Here is the explanation in more detail: Strengths and Weaknesses the internal environment - the situation inside the company or organization for example factors relating to products pricing costs profitability performance quality people skills adaptability brands services reputation processes infrastructure etc. factors tend to be in the present Opportunities and Threats the external environment - the situation outside the company or organization for example factors relating to markets sectors audience fashion seasonality trends competition economics politics society culture technology environmental media law etc. factors tend to be in the future swot matrix 2x2 matrix using internal/external categories Here is a typical extension of the basic SWOT analysis grid into a useful action-based 2x2 SWOT matrix. The SWOT analysis in this format acts as a quick decision-making tool quite aside from the more detailed data that would typically be fed into business planning process for each of the SWOT factors. 1393

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Here the 2x2 matrix model automatically suggests actions for issues arising from the SWOT analysis according to four different categories: strengths internal weaknesses internal opportunities external strengths/opportunities obvious natural priorities Likely to produce greatest ROI Return On Investment Likely to be quickest and easiest to implement. Probably justifying immediate action- planning or feasibility study. Executive question: "If we are not already looking at these areas and prioritising them then why not" weaknesses/opportunities potentially attractive options Likely to produce good returns if capability and implementation are viable. Potentially more exciting and stimulating and rewarding than S/O due to change challenge surprise tactics and benefits from addressing and achieving improvements. Executive questions: "Whats actually stopping us doing these things provided they truly fit strategically and are realistic and substantial" threats external strengths/threats easy to defend and counter Only basic awareness planning and implementation required to meet these challenges. Investment in these issues is generally safe and weaknesses/threats potentially high risk Assessment of risk crucial. Where risk is low then we must ignore these issues and not be distracted by them. Where risk is high we must assess capability gaps and 1394

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necessary. Executive question: "Are we properly informed and organized to deal with these issues and are we certain there are no hidden surprises" - and - "Since we are strong here can any of these threats be turned into opportunities" plan to defend/avert in very specific controlled ways. Executive question: "Have we accurately assessed the risks of these issues and where the risks are high do we have specific controlled reliable plans to avoid/avert/defend" N.B. SWOT analysis is a very flexible tool. Its use is not restricted to business and marketing. Be mindful that when SWOT is used in situations outside of business and marketing strict categorization of the SWOT dimensions according to internal and external factors can be limiting and so a more open interpretation of the model can be helpful in such circumstances especially when assessing Opportunities and Threats. Also be mindful that if using the SWOT analysis model only as a 2x2 matrix which assumes the categorization of internal and external factors and notably limiting the assessment of threats and opportunities to external factors only that it is very easy then to miss certain threats and opportunities that can exist internally within the company/organization. Some internal threats and opportunities can be substantial for example opportunities such as: energy-saving process- improvement training advertising or discontinuing loss-making products or threats such as: desertion or key staff the loss of major contracts to name just a couple of typically ever-present threats within large commercial corporations. Be mindful therefore that the simplified SWOT 2x2 matrix internal/external method is not a reliable tool alone for identifying all 1395

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threats and opportunities within organizations or indeed any other situation. You will note from the origins of SWOT analysis below that the methodology did not begin and was not operated as the simple 2x2 internal/external matrix that we commonly see today. Particularly the original application of the model did not restrict threats and opportunities to just external factors. Instead six key aspects of the business in question namely: product process customer distribution finance admin were each assessed using the SWOT model. Each aspect was considered according to all four SWOT elements. Thus today when we apply the SWOT model to an entire business if we disregard internal threats and opportunities so the analysis can exclude some potentially serious issues. swot analysis - different applications SWOT analysis is a powerful model for many different situations. The SWOT tool is not just for business and marketing. Here are some examples of what a SWOT analysis can be used to assess:  a company its position in the market commercial viability etc  a method of sales distribution  a product or brand  a business idea  a strategic option such as entering a new market or launching a new product  a opportunity to make an acquisition  a potential partnership  changing a supplier  outsourcing a service activity or resource  project planning and project management  an investment opportunity  personal financial planning  personal career development - direction choice change etc.  education and qualifications planning and decision-making 1396

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 life-change - downshifting relocation  relationships perhaps even family planning.. Whatever the application be sure to describe the subject or purpose or question for the SWOT analysis clearly so you remain focused on the central issue. This is especially crucial when others are involved in the process. People contributing to the analysis and seeing the finished SWOT analysis must be able to understand properly the purpose of the SWOT assessment and the implications arising. SWOT analysis template Here is a larger illustration of SWOT analysis. Note that this format is not presented or proposed as a 2x2 internal/external matrix its a more open demonstration of the sorts of issues and questions which can be addressed when using the SWOT format as part of business planning and decision-making. And an example based on an imaginary situation. The scenario is based on a business-to-business manufacturing company who historically rely on distributors to take their products to the end user market. The opportunity and therefore the subject for the SWOT analysis is for the manufacturer to create a new company of its own to distribute its products direct to certain end-user sectors which are not being covered or developed by its normal distributors. 1397

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Subject of SWOT analysis: define the subject of the analysis here strengths Advantages of proposition Capabilities Competitive advantages USPs unique selling points Resources Assets People Experience knowledge data Financial reserves likely returns Marketing - reach distribution awareness Innovative aspects Location and geographical Price value quality Accreditations qualifications certifications Processes systems IT communications Management cover succession weaknesses Disadvantages of proposition Gaps in capabilities Lack of competitive strength Reputation presence and reach Financials Own known vulnerabilities Timescales deadlines and pressures Cashflow start-up cash-drain Continuity supply chain robustness Effects on core activities distraction Reliability of data plan predictability Morale commitment leadership Accreditations etc Processes and systems etc Management cover succession opportunities Market developments Competitors vulnerabilities Industry or lifestyle trends Technology development and innovation Global influences New markets vertical horizontal Niche target markets Geographical export import Market need for new USPs Market response to tactics Major contracts tenders Business and product development Information and research Partnerships agencies distribution Market volume demand trends Seasonal weather fashion influences threats Political effects Legislative effects Environmental effects IT developments Competitor intentions - various Market demand New technologies services ideas Vital contracts and partners Obstacles faced Insurmountable weaknesses Employment market Financial and credit pressures Economy - home abroad Seasonality weather effects 1398

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Subject of SWOT analysis example: the creation of own distributor company to access new end-user sectors not currently being developed. strengths End-user sales control and direction. Right products quality and reliability. Superior product performance vs competitors. Better product life and durability. Spare manufacturing capacity. Some staff have experience of end-user sector. Direct delivery capability. Product innovations ongoing. Can serve from existing sites. Products obtained accreditations. Management is committed and confident. weaknesses Customer lists not tested. Some gaps in range for certain sectors. We would be a small player. No direct marketing experience. We cannot supply end-users abroad. Need more sales people. Limited budget. No pilot or trial done yet. Dont have a detailed plan yet. Delivery-staff need training. Customer service staff need training. Processes and systems etc Management cover insufficient. opportunities Could develop new products. Local competitors have poor products. Profit margins will be good. End-users respond to new ideas. Could extend to overseas. New specialist applications. Can surprise competitors. Support core business economies. Could seek better supplier deals. threats Legislation could impact. Environmental effects would favour larger competitors. Existing core business distribution risk. Market demand very seasonal. Retention of key staff critical. Could distract from core business. Vulnerable to reactive attack by major competitors. 1399

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How to do a SWOT Analysis Dr Heinz Weihrich introduced the earlier version of the SWOT analysis the "TOWS Matrix" in 1982. TOWS stands for Threats |Opportunities |Weaknesses |Strengths – SWOT is simply a rearrangement of these reflecting the need to assess your current situation and reflect internally ie your strengths and weaknesses before you can look to the future and explore externally opportunities and threats. The SWOT format can be used to assess almost anything – from a personal SWOT analysis for goal setting to SWOT analyses of business opportunities and technical solutions to problems. Personal SWOT Analysis A personal SWOT analysis is a look at you and your life. It will help you identify where you need to improve and more importantly allows you to identify your internal strengths that you can capitalize on to seize your opportunities and thwart any external threats. For this reason it is an important step in personal goal setting – a step that shouldn’t be overlooked. Strengths:  What are your abilities skills talents in this area  Do you have any specialist knowledge in this area  What resources do you have that support this strength  Who can you ask for advice support or help  What is already working well in this area  What personal behavioural traits do you have that are strengths in this area  Do your intelligence preferences indicate a strength in this area 1400

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Weaknesses:  What are your main limitations in this area  What skills/ abilities are needed in this area that you don’t have  Are there any resources money time help that you dont have that you really need  What is not working in this area right now  What personal behavioural traits do you have that are weaknesses in this area  Do your intelligence preferences indicate a weakness in this area  Does your motivational need level according to Maslow indicate a deficiency Opportunities:  What opportunities dreams wishes goals have you been considering in this area  Do your personality/ intelligence preferences or motivational needs indicate any opportunities that you haven’t previously considered  What could you improve in this result area for you List as many ‘goals’ as you can – which one or two will have the most impact on this aspect of your life  How can you take advantage of your strengths to pursue these  Do you have any weaknesses that may impede these goals  What major change do you need in your life to improve this area  Are there any special tools you can use or develop to help Threats:  What external threats changes to income events etc could affect you negatively How could these affect you  Are you facing any risks in this area if you continue along your current path What are they – list them all. What would happen if these risks took place  What obstacles or roadblocks are in your way 1401

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 Do your personality/ intelligence preferences or motivational needs indicate any threats that you haven’t previously considered  Do any of your weaknesses increase the level of these threats or the impact  What strengths do you have that could help you reduce the identified threats The outcome you want from the SWOT analysis is a list of:  What opportunities are best for you to pursue  What internal strengths you can use to enhance your pursuit of these opportunities  What threats you need to eliminate/ minimise  What internal strengths you can use to overcome these threats  What strengths you should consider making stronger to further enhance your ability to pursue your goals  What weaknesses you need to improve on or manage so that they don’t impede your goal setting. A Personal SWOT Analysis will allow you to make the most of your talents and opportunities. What are YOUR strengths and weaknesses © iStockphoto/v gajic 1402

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"Chance favors the prepared mind." – Louis Pasteur You are most likely to succeed in life if you use your talents to their fullest extent. Similarly youll suffer fewer problems if you know what your weaknesses are and if you manage these weaknesses so that they dont matter in the work you do. So how you go about identifying these strengths and weaknesses and analyzing the opportunities and threats that flow from them SWOT Analysis is a useful technique that helps you do this. What makes SWOT especially powerful is that with a little thought it can help you uncover opportunities that you would not otherwise have spotted. And by understanding your weaknesses you can manage and eliminate threats that might otherwise hurt your ability to move forward. If you look at yourself using the SWOT framework you can start to separate yourself from your peers and further develop the specialized talents and abilities you need to advance your career. How to perform a personal SWOT analysis Strengths  What advantages do you have that others dont have for example skills certifications education or connections  What do you do better than anyone else  What personal resources can you access  What do other people and your boss in particular see as your strengths  Which of your achievements are you most proud of  What values do you believe in that others fail to exhibit  Are you part of a network that no one else is involved in If so what connections do you have with influential people 1403

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Consider this from your own perspective and from the point of view of the people around you. And dont be modest or shy – be as objective as you can. Tip: Think about your strengths in relation to the people around you. For example if youre a great mathematician and the people around you are also great at math then this is not likely to be a strength in your current role – it may be a necessity. Weaknesses  What tasks do you usually avoid because you dont feel confident doing them  What will the people around you see as your weaknesses  Are you completely confident in your education and skills training If not where are you weakest  What are your negative work habits for example are you often late are you disorganized do you have a short temper or are you poor at handling stress  Do you have personality traits that hold you back in your field For instance if you have to conduct meetings on a regular basis a fear of public speaking would be a major weakness. Again consider this from a personal/internal perspective and an external perspective. Do other people see weaknesses that you dont see Do co-workers consistently outperform you in key areas Be realistic – its best to face any unpleasant truths as soon as possible. Opportunities  What new technology can help you Or can you get help from others or from people via the Internet  Is your industry growing If so how can you take advantage of the current market 1404

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 Do you have a network of strategic contacts to help you or offer good advice  What trends management or otherwise do you see in your company and how can you take advantage of them  Are any of your competitors failing to do something important If so can you take advantage of their mistakes  Is there a need in your company or industry that no one is filling  Do your customers or vendors complain about something in your company If so could you create an opportunity by offering a solution You might find useful opportunities in the following:  Networking events educational classes or conferences.  A colleague going on an extended leave. Could you take on some of this persons projects to gain experience  A new role or project that forces you to learn new skills like public speaking or international relations.  A company expansion or acquisition. Do you have specific skills like a second language that could help with the process Also importantly look at your strengths and ask yourself whether these open up any opportunities – and look at your weaknesses and ask yourself whether you could open up opportunities by eliminating those weaknesses. Threats  What obstacles do you currently face at work  Are any of your colleagues competing with you for projects or roles  Is your job or the demand for the things you do changing  Does changing technology threaten your position  Could any of your weaknesses lead to threats Performing this analysis will often provide key information – it can point out what needs to be done and put problems into perspective. 1405

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Example of a Personal SWOT Strengths  Im very creative. I often impressing clients with a new perspective on their brands.  I communicate well with my clients and team.  I have the ability to ask key questions to find just the right marketing angle.  Im completely committed to the success of a clients brand. Weaknesses  I have a strong compulsive need to do things quickly and remove them from my "to do" list and sometimes the quality of my work suffers as a result.  This same need to get things done also causes me stress when I have too many tasks.  I get nervous when presenting ideas to clients and this fear of public speaking often takes the passion out of my presentations. Opportunities  One of our major competitors has developed a reputation for treating their smaller clients poorly.  Im attending a major marketing conference next month. This will allow for strategic networking and also offer some great training seminars.  Our art director will go on maternity leave soon. Covering her duties while shes away would be a great career development opportunity for me. Threats  Simon one of my colleagues is a much stronger speaker than I am and hes competing with me for the art director position.  Due to recent staff shortages Im often overworked and this negatively impacts my creativity. 1406

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 The current economic climate has resulted in slow growth for the marketing industry. Many firms have laid off staff members and our company is considering further cutbacks. Source: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_05_1.htm Technical SWOT Analysis Similar to the personal SWOT a technical SWOT analysis can be conducted using the same triggers of Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats. This form of analysis can be used to assess the viability of business cases and ventures or to compare different technical options. Depending on what’s being analysed the sub-triggers under each of the main SWOT headings will vary and should be established before the actual SWOT commences. Typical sub-triggers for technical and business SWOT analyses include political environmental economic social technical resources and ethics. And of course these sub-triggers can form a number of acronyms such as:  PEST – Political Economic Social Technical.  STEEP – Social Technical Economic Environmental Political.  STEEPER - Social Technical Economic Environmental Political Ethics Resources. In business you may hear someone say they’re going to do say a STEEP SWOT analysis – this just means that they are doing a SWOT analysis using the STEEP acronym as triggers under each of the main SWOT headings. In this case when the “strengths” of the particular object of analysis are being considered the strengths of the object in terms of Social strengths Technical strengths Economic strengths Environmental strengths and Political strengths will be considered. And so on for weaknesses opportunities and threats. 1407

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Source: http://www.achieve-goal-setting-success.com/SWOT-analysis.html More on the difference and relationship between PEST and SWOT There is some overlap between PEST and SWOT. Similar factors appear in each. That said PEST and SWOT are certainly two different perspectives: PEST tends to assess a market including competitors from the standpoint of a particular proposition or a business. SWOT in business and marketing tends to be an assessment of a business or a proposition whether it is your own business or less commonly a competitors business or proposition. Strategic planning is not a precise science - no tool is mandatory - its a matter of pragmatic choice as to what helps best to identify and explain the issues. PEST analysis may useful before SWOT analysis where it helps to identify SWOT factors. Alternatively PEST analysis may be incorporated within a SWOT analysis to achieve the same effect. PEST becomes more useful and relevant the larger and more complex the business or proposition but even for a very small local businesses a PEST analysis can still throw up one or two very significant issues that might otherwise be missed. The four quadrants in PEST vary in significance depending on the type of business for example social factors are more obviously relevant to consumer businesses or a B2B business-to-business organization close to the consumer-end of the supply chain whereas political factors are more obviously relevant to a global munitions supplier or aerosol propellant manufacturer. All businesses benefit from a SWOT analysis and all businesses benefit from completing a SWOT analysis of their main competitors which interestingly can then provide useful points back into the economic aspects of the PEST analysis. 1408

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Swot analysis history - the origins of the SWOT analysis model This remarkable piece of history as to the origins of SWOT analysis was provided by Albert S Humphrey one of the founding fathers of what we know today as SWOT analysis. I am indebted to him for sharing this fascinating contribution. Albert Humphrey died on 31 October 2005. He was one of the good guys. SWOT analysis came from the research conducted at Stanford Research Institute from 1960-1970. The background to SWOT stemmed from the need to find out why corporate planning failed. The research was funded by the fortune 500 companies to find out what could be done about this failure. The Research Team were Marion Dosher Dr Otis Benepe Albert Humphrey Robert Stewart Birger Lie. It all began with the corporate planning trend which seemed to appear first at Du Pont in 1949. By 1960 every Fortune 500 company had a corporate planning manager or equivalent and associations of long range corporate planners had sprung up in both the USA and the UK. However a unanimous opinion developed in all of these companies that corporate planning in the shape of long range planning was not working did not pay off and was an expensive investment in futility. It was widely held that managing change and setting realistic objectives which carry the conviction of those responsible was difficult and often resulted in questionable compromises. The fact remained despite the corporate and long range planners that the one and only missing link was how to get the management team agreed and committed to a comprehensive set of action programmes. To create this link starting in 1960 Robert F Stewart at SRI in Menlo Park California lead a research team to discover what was going wrong with corporate planning and then to find some sort of solution or to create a system for enabling management teams agreed and committed to development work which today we call managing change. 1409

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The research carried on from 1960 through 1969. 1100 companies and organizations were interviewed and a 250-item questionnaire was designed and completed by over 5000 executives. Seven key findings lead to the conclusion that in corporations chief executive should be the chief planner and that his immediate functional directors should be the planning team. Dr Otis Benepe defined the Chain of Logic which became the core of system designed to fix the link for obtaining agreement and commitment. 1. Values 2. Appraise 3. Motivation 4. Search 5. Select 6. Programme 7. Act 8. Monitor and repeat steps 1 2 and 3 We discovered that we could not change the values of the team nor set the objectives for the team so we started as the first step by asking the appraisal question for example whats good and bad about the operation. We began the system by asking what is good and bad about the present and the future. What is good in the present is Satisfactory good in the future is an Opportunity bad in the present is a Fault and bad in the future is a Threat. This was called the SOFT analysis. When this was presented to Urick and Orr in 1964 at the Seminar in Long Range Planning at the Dolder Grand in Zurich Switzerland they changed the F to a W and called it SWOT Analysis. SWOT was then promoted in Britain by Urick and Orr as an exercise in and of itself. As such it has no benefit. What was necessary was the sorting of the issues into the programme planning categories of: 1. Product what are we selling 2. Process how are we selling it 3. Customer to whom are we selling it 1410

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4. Distribution how does it reach them 5. Finance what are the prices costs and investments 6. Administration and how do we manage all this The second step then becomes what shall the team do about the issues in each of these categories. The planning process was then designed through trial and error and resulted finally in a 17 step process beginning with SOFT/SWOT with each issue recorded separately on a single page called a planning issue. The first prototype was tested and published in 1966 based on the work done at Erie Technological Corp in Erie Pa. In 1970 the prototype was brought to the UK under the sponsorship of W H Smith Sons plc and completed by 1973. The operational programme was used to merge the CWS milling and baking operations with those of J W French Ltd. The process has been used successfully ever since. By 2004 now this system has been fully developed and proven to cope with todays problems of setting and agreeing realistic annual objectives without depending on outside consultants or expensive staff resources. The seven key research findings The key findings were never published because it was felt they were too controversial. This is what was found: 1 A business was divided into two parts. The base business plus the development business. This was re-discovered by Dr Peter Senge at MIT in 1998 and published in his book the Fifth Discipline not 5th Dimension as previously stated here - thanks J Hoffman for this correction 28 Jan 2011. The amount of development business which become operational is equal to or greater than that business on the books within a period of 5 to 7 years. This was a major surprise and urged the need for discovering a better method for planning and managing change. 2 Dr Hal Eyring published his findings on Distributive Justice and pointed out that all people measure what they get from their work and 1411

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divide it by what they give to the work and this ratio is compared to others. If it is not equal then the person first re-perceives and secondly slows down if added demands are not met. 3 The introduction of a corporate planner upset the sense of fair play at senior level making the job of the corporate planner impossible. 4 The gap between what could be done by the organisation and what was actually done was about 35. 5 The senior man will over-supervise the area he comes from. Finance- Finance Engineering-Engineering etc. 6 There are 3 factors which separate excellence from mediocrity: a. Overt attention to purchasing b. Short-term written down departmental plans for improvement c. Continued education of the Senior Executive 7 Some form of formal documentation is required to obtain approval for development work. In short we could not solve the problem by stopping planning. In conclusion By sorting the SWOT issues into the 6 planning categories one can obtain a system which presents a practical way of assimilating the internal and external information about the business unit delineating short and long term priorities and allowing an easy way to build the management team which can achieve the objectives of profit growth. This approach captures the collective agreement and commitment of those who will ultimately have to do the work of meeting or exceeding the objectives finally set. It permits the team leader to define and develop co-ordinated goal-directed actions which underpin the overall agreed objectives between levels of the business hierarchy. Albert S Humphrey - August 2004 1412

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Translating SWOT issues into actions under the six categories Albert Humphrey advocated that the six categories: 1. Product what are we selling 2. Process how are we selling it 3. Customer to whom are we selling it 4. Distribution how does it reach them 5. Finance what are the prices costs and investments 6. Administration and how do we manage all this provide a framework by which SWOT issues can be developed into actions and managed using teams. This can be something of a leap and so the stage warrants further explanation. Translating the SWOT issues into actions are best sorted into or if necessary broken down into the six categories because in the context of the way that business and organizations work this makes them more quantifiable and measurable responsible teams more accountable and therefore the activities more manageable. The other pivotal part in the process is of course achieving the commitment from the teams involved which is partly explained in the item summarising Humphreys TAM® model and process. As far as identifying actions from SWOT issues is concerned it all very much depends on your reasons and aims for using SWOT and also your authority/ability to manage others whom by implication of SWOTs breadth and depth are likely to be involved in the agreement and delivery of actions. Depending on pretext and situation a SWOT analysis can produce issues which very readily translate into one of the six category actions or a SWOT analysis can produce issues which overlay a number of categories. Or a mixture. Whatever SWOT essentially tells you what is good and bad about a business or a particular proposition. If its a business and the aim is to improve it then work on translating: 1413

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strengths maintain build and leverage opportunities prioritise and optimise weaknesses remedy or exit threats counter into actions each within one of the six categories that can be agreed and owned by a team or number of teams. If the SWOT analysis is being used to assess a proposition then it could be that the analysis shows that the proposition is too weak especially if compared with other SWOTs for alternative propositions to warrant further investment in which case further action planning other than exit is not required. If the proposition is clearly strong presumably you will have indicated this using other methods as well then proceed as for a business and translate issues into category actions with suitable ownership by teams. This is my understanding of Albert Humphreys theory relating to developing SWOT issues into organizational change actions and accountabilities. Im pleased to say that Albert kindly confirmed that this is indeed correct. There are other ways of applying SWOT of course depending on your circumstances and aims for instance if concentrating on a department rather than a whole business then it could make sense to revise the six categories to reflect the functional parts of the department or whatever will enable the issues to be translatable into manageable accountable and owned aims. 1414

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4.39 THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD KNOWN SOONER Below are a list of life lessons or things people wish they had known sooner that have been submitted by readers such as yourself. Most are positive while some may be viewed as negative. As we grow older and gain more experience and wisdom we often abandon what we used to believe but its still interesting to see what lessons people have come up with at different ages. These are not in order of importance. Theyre just numbered for easier reference. 1. If you can do what you love for a living life will be a lot less stressful and a hell of a lot more fun. Lisa B. 41 2. A smile is one of the few contagious things that you should spread. So spread it to everyone Marcie W. 27 3. Never be too proud to ask for help especially for directions . Ashley V. 23 4. Avoid pulling all-nighters. Theyre no fun and too much Red Bull is no good for you. David S. 20 5. We regret more about the things we didnt do than the things we did do. Get out of yourself and just do it. Will W 6. Stop trying to impress people by being someone youre not because in the end youll lose yourself. Anonymous 7. We dont have to do anything - we always have a choice. Tim W. 38 8. The best feeling in the world is getting paid to do what you love to do. Laozhang 36 9. No one can make you feel anything you dont want to. Jennifer K. 28 10. The older I get the less I care about what others think of me. Therefore the older I get the more I enjoy life. Michael M. 57 11. The word "Family" rarely ends up meaning blood related and usually ends up becoming who we allow them to be. Celeste 29 1415

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12. The purpose of life is simply to live a life of purpose. With no reason to get up in the morning life can start to really get you down. Watch out retirees Make sure you retire to something instead of from something. Ricky K. 33 13. If you have the choice to be right or kind always pick kind Kate 55 14. Life is a fight and even though it seems like youre going to get knocked out you must keep on fighting Frank 17 15. Even a snakes a saint unless stepped upon. Learn to forgive people who hurt you hate is like holding onto burning coal. James 32 16. I have taken noticed that the deeper I know about myself the clearer I understand others. Sambo 25 17. Make Jesus your best friend. With faith let Him guide and direct you in all you do. Its guaranteed to work that way. RasMel 46 18. Change is the only pemanant thing in life. Malik 28 19. Always put yourself in the others shoes if it hurts you it probably hurts the other too. Shashank 19 20. Success is a game. The more you play the more you win. The more you win the more successfully you can play the game. Durga 40 21. Take the stairs. There is no elevator. Anonymous 22. Years at school will seem short compared to a life time of minimum wage jobs. Get a good education and achieve your dreams Anonymous 23. Always empty your cup always ask for more knowledge so you will be able to help yourself and others. Ameen 26 24. Never be afraid to fail because through failure comes success. Shanterica B. 15 25. Ive learn that loving someone doesnt always mean keeping them. Sometimes it also means you have to let them go. MJ 28 26. There are no things or powers in life that can offer you a hand to your dreams except meeting new people who are better than you. You always can learn something from them. Dmitry 16 27. Dream big dreams believe in yourself trust in God and work hard so that those dreams can be a reality. Natalia 20 1416

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28. If you want to feel rich just count all the things you have that money cant buy. Ayesha 15 29. We regret day and night but overcoming those regret is not that easy. Aarushi 14 30. Live a life of purpose and love. Anonymous 37 31. Life is the greatest teacher of its kind. It always teaches us to do more. Syed H. 46 32. If you want something in your life youve never had youll have to do something youve never done. JD Houston 42 33. My life experience is that I am learning to become more of myself rather than comparing myself with other people. Other people expect me to be like them but I dont want to be like them I just want to be more of myself and to accept myself for who I am. Sharon N. 39 34. I had my children very young and if I have managed to teach them half of what they half taught me then I have done a good job Marisela 35 35. From King Solomon: This too shall pass. Tapasya 28 36. Accept people as they are. Anish B. 34 37. You cant be what you cant see. If you see it... you will be it. Paula 52 38. When youre trying to achieve something or improve remember that there are no limits only expectations. Expect to do more and more you will do. Sahil 14 39. The most funniest thing in life is doing what people say you cant. Nandhu 22 40. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed because having ups and downs are always part of it just like a roller coaster ride. Lorena 32 41. Do not find the reason to smile just find the way. Gaurav M. 24 42. Love yourself without condition. Sally 38 43. Past failures should never dictate who you are today or where you are going. Jackie 35 44. If its out of your control why fret about it Stacy 24 1417

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45. A winner must first know what losing is like. Without failure there is no success. Chima O. 30 46. In everything that you do always give your 100 as if theres no tomorrow. Caloyski 28 47. Past records count for nothing when the race starts. Henry 23 48. If you dont commit to anything dont commit but once you do commit dont live in the middle. Bala K. 49. If you can laugh together you can work together. Yuvraj K. 25 50. The more you learn the more you grow. The more you grow the more you earn. The more you earn the more happier you become. Babukhan M. 40 51. If you want to love people never judge them. Ashutosh 52. Do what you can for others since you know what you can do for yourself. Nana K. 29 53. Life is the reflection of your thoughts so generate pure thoughts to make life beautiful. Sarita 25 54. In life nothing is certain and nothing is perfect. Just rise above the challenge. Star 32 55. Impossibility is what nobody can until somebody does it. Masak 26 56. Always aim high and aspire big but in the process remain practical to be happy. Mukul 26 57. Dont let trouble trouble you until trouble troubles you. Joe A. 52 58. Failures may be so hurtful and disappointing knowing you did your best in everything. But it doesnt mean life must end there. Stand up and live. Keep the Spirit and confidence. Be strong and Keep your faith by making the best out of it. For everything happens for a reason a reason to teach you and correct you and a reason to bring the strength in you. Florskie 26 59. Everyone has skeletons in their closets or personal demons they fight but dont let that stop you from being successful. Matthew A. 23 1418

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60. Enjoy life and cherish it. Remember the good times the bad times and worse times because each one has made you a better person and has made you grow. Matthew A. 61. Between what happened and what will happen is our choice. So choose to be positive in everyday tasks. Edwin J. 37 62. Mind over matter. Matter is an illusion. What matters is mind. Yeshe D. 62 63. Never regret if its good its wonderful. If its bad its experience. Stacey 33 64. Life is full of fun if you learn to play with difficulties. Mayank C. 24 65. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Gina 53 66. I learned how to live my own dreams when I encouraged my son to follow his. Shenetta 37 67. A teacher is nothing but a clever student. Mohammed M. 68. As people we tend to worry about the things that don’t matter and forget about the things that do. Enjoy your life to the fullest because you never know when it’s going to end. So smile more love more and enjoy more. Dueling on things just ruins your life. Being mad or upset with others for things they have done is just a waste of your energy. You can’t change the past or the mistakes. You can only change your future. Brian A. 69. Life has taught me to always be myself. Samio 23 70. Review your mistakes committed everyday and promise not to repeat it again.Pran 25 71. Youre never too old to follow your dreams whatever they may be. Julie S. 55 72. Love what you do do what you love. Soni 33 73. What a wonderful feeling to be alive. To be able to see the sun shinning and to be able to make something positive happen for us our family our community and/or our friends. Juan J. 38 74. Never forget those that gave you a helping hand someday you will need them again. Ada 22 1419

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75. Dont care what others think of you and you will save yourself a lot of mental energy that instead can be used to push you towards success. Neil 19 76. The more obstacles you overcome the stronger you become. Kalu C. 33 77. Lifes a garden... dig it Harry B. 34 78. People tolerate in life what they subject themselves to. Kathleen C. 26 79. There is no alternative to hard work. Babesri 32 80. Dont let things happen in your life. Instead make it happen. Ashok S. 27 81. Never live your life compared to someone elses standards because for one you dont know what their standards are and secondly you are not them. Everyone has their strong points dont ever downgrade your own. Gabby 23 82. You can never be happy if youve never been sad. Matt 83. With hope and hardwork anything can be achieved. Dont be afraid with results it will come with the whole process of commitment and persistence. Dinesh B. 40 84. Be willing to learn more about life in general. Howard 28 85. Life is like a bicycle with one wheel in front of the other. You leave tire marks of the past behind. You might break sometimes and even have a flat tire. But you never run out of gas. Amanda 19 86. kEep moVing forWard Kamla 12 87. Dont try to be popular its no ones calling. Joe 47 88. The more I give of myself unconditionally the more I seem to receive. LIVING IS GIVING - GIVING IS LIVING : Colin 89. No one gets out alive and there is no U-haul at the end of a funeral procession - so leave the best of you behind. Tom 90. When you stand on what you believe in you can change the world. Gagan L. 24 91. Always demand the impossible dare to start that dream. Chris Y. 26 92. What you think upon... grows Youll attract more of what you focus upon.. positive or negative.. Its your choice. Focus on what 1420

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you have and whats right not on what you dont have and whats wrong... And say thank you for what you have as often as possible.. it will change your life Kalf G. 42 93. Perseverance will make you great. Anbu 50 94. Life is a game of Chess learn to play it wisely. Dars M. 23 95. Always tell an obstacle that you are bigger than it by overcoming it. Chuks O. 25 96. If your standing in the crowd youre doing something wrong. Fred 17 97. Never change your beliefs because someone else wants you to. Change them only because you want to. Izer 23 98. To have a long lasting relationship with anybody always look out for their strengths and less at their weakness. Will 24 99. When you get a second chance in life do not regret hold it with both bands and make things happen. Nothing is impossible until you decide to stop trying Anonymous 100. I learned that life can sometimes be pretty tough but without these challenges it wouldnt be called life. The downs in life make the ups much more enjoyable. Mary 101. Passion is the overflow of what we are gifted in. Buick 37 102. Ive learned that the contentment of life isnt about what people have to say about you sometimes we have to be satisfied with what we think we are be it good or bad. We should not put our happiness in someone elses satisfaction. Anonymous 103. Dont get a job doing what you love because you will learn to hate what you loved. Instead find something that allows you to do what you love during your downtime. Jon S. 26 104. Learning to live stress free and without negative thoughts is the key to staying positive. The key to staying positive is living through a lifetime of stressful and negative situations with a positive outlook. Mark 52 105. Whatever you are not changing you are choosing. Laurie B. 52 106. Life is like a ball in the field the ball doesnt move unless the player kick it so the same to life. Dont allow people to control your life. Your life is in your hands. Maya S. 27 1421

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107. Tomorrow is a desire not a promise. DJ W. 31 108. When you fall for a guy never ever move to fast because he will only hurt you in the end. Leisha 16 109. You make your own purpose and trust with good intentions that it is the reason for your existence. Courtney 23 110. Winners dont count the daysthey make the days count. Harshal 20 111. If you see a rule that isnt good dont follow it reach the TOP and then change it. Dimps 30 112. You will feel that life was too short even if you live to 150 years old. So please dont waste you time it will never come again. Irfan B. 23 113. Never just sit and dream. Set your dream and chase it till you make it. Never think of giving up.Nelson 20 114. I dont know what I can say but I can say I dont know.its the result of life. Farshad 26 115. If youre not willing to fight and die for your own life youre never gonna be able to fully live. Juan 17 116. Dont react fast. Respond only after you understand the situation. Dont react if you can ignore. Roli 26 117. The thing about monkeys on your back is that they may throw banana peels under your feet causing you to slip and inevitably fall. Anivid 45 118. Once you count your blessing you will lack nothing. Be motivated at all times to do the wonderful things in life. Somveer S. 40 119. When you desire to learn about forgiveness and unconditional love the only teacher you need is your dog. Sharon 27 120. Be happy with yourself. Dont let anyone control you and your decisions in your life. You only live one time. Make the best of it. Always have God with you. Princesita 27 121. In life dont compare yourself with other people. Just live your life according to your strategy and do not fake yourself for the sake of impressing others. Lungile 26 122. It surely takes a lotta patience to be patient. Jules 35 1422

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123. Life is a school where you are taught all that you never knew. Keyshia 20 124. Dont ever fret just forget all the things that you regret because in the end its the past. Dont live the next day like your last. Danielle 23 125. I would say purposelessness is the root of all evil.. have a plan when u wake up in the morning. Its amazing what u can achieve when you do. Anonymous 18 126. Some people negate the fact that life is a two way street cant have good without evil no love without hate and no truth without lies. Colby J. 19 127. Life is a journey full of obstacles. Jason 17 128. Our background and things we did may have influenced who we are but we are responsible for who we become. John C. 21 129. One thing I learned from the past since my mom died is to stay strong from the Lord because God is the God of all comfort. Shawn 23 130. Listen to your elders because they have lived regret. Jason 32 131. We all start as beginners but progress at different rates. Miguel S. 11 132. Life is a journey. Keep walking until you reach your goals. Keep walking. Oscar 27 133. Life is what I make it so mind how I take it react to it...I believe God will allow us to keep going through the lesson until we pass it in His eyes. Javonna 39 134. Life is beautiful. Self belief love and faith will make you live life without tension and worries. Aushi 25 135. The harder the challenge the sweeter the victory. The higher the climb the sweeter the View. Your greatest problem is your greatest chlallenge which is your greatest opportunity. Ari 18 136. I know everything is possible and achievable. Enoch 33 137. Stop blaming others stop complaining stop comparing yourself with others for everything that happens in your life. You just have to stand up and show the world that your are born to win. We all are wonderful the way we are. Sahsi 17 1423

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138. Dont waste your time while youre still young and fresh. Behave well ... go to school and concentrate taking a good education. Education is the best investment and tool to find a better job - your dream. So let your dreams come true. Lynn C. 26 139. Its not important how much time is being wasted whats important is what you do with the time that you have. Wa 140. Never follow the traveled path because it will take you where others has been. Create your own path to be followed by others. Somveer P. 40 141. I have lived through something so terrible I wouldnt wish it on anybody. But through that experience Ive learned to forgive all that was done and go on with life because I was strong enough to pull myself through without hurting myself or others around me. Rachel 17 142. Many ask about the purpose of life but there are few who know that the purpose is in living itself. Rishabh S. 19 143. Be Cool Be Calm Be Brave Be Wise Just Be. Nathier G 30 144. You have all the talents needed in your environment and that is why you were made to be there. Just a little confidence in being yourself and keep moving you will be awarded a big gift from the world NJ 17 145. It doesnt matter how many times you fall or how many paths you have to take just to get there. Get up and make changes learn from the past. Act Move Learn beacuse no one can do that for you. CRS 29 146. Whenever you achieve your best take a moment to congratulate yourself then aim to go one better. Nobody will be the best at everything they try but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try your best at everything. Anna 147. Smile. Because somewhere its making someone happy...and pissing someone off at the same time. Matthew 20 148. The more you get hurt the stronger you get. BB 21 149. One thing I learned from angry birds the game same moves give you same results.If you feel stuck in life simply change your move. Majd 33 1424

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150. Even if being yourself pisses people off be you. Do not let your fears of not being everyones friend stop you. Dont let it stop you from being the true you. Once you find yourself and learn to live with yourself you will find where you belong. Alex G. 17 151. Love yourself first. Simphiwe M. 21 152. Be sure you know you deserve to be loved be happy healthy and wealthy. If you dont think yourself worthy ask "why" and find the ridiculousness in the answer. Bogdan 24 153. Lifes too short to worry about the mistakes you make. Just be proud of who you are and live to please nobody but yourself. Just live life like theres no tomorrow. Anonymous 16 154. Life is not about winning its about not giving up. Siddharth 19 155. Do all the good you can. By all the means you can In all the ways you can In all the places you can At all the times you can To all the people you can As long as ever you can. Annu 30 156. The youths are always learning pass on what you can before it dies. Elijah V. 86 157. Life is playing a game of Chess with God. After Every move of yours he makes the next move. Your move is called CHOICES and his moves are called CONSEQUENCES. Vivek 33 158. Do not try to be other people. Ashwini K. 24 159. In life you get as many chances as you are will to take. Monica M. 27 160. Life is a commercial that will be over but stay turned. Concentrate on the present and never worry about the future. Clement 20 161. In this life there is no person called loser but there are people who started from zero and stayed there. Rowaishan 24 162. Every day may not be good but theres something good in each day lets make the most of it if you cant change it change the way you think about it. Believe the impossible and it will come to pass. Tara S. 39 163. Its better to be a man people jealous over rather than the one who gets jealous. Ian I. 25 164. Nothing is impossible even the word says so itself Im possible. Dorothy 19 1425

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165. It doesnt matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before its important to realize that whatever youre doing its your first attempt at it. Geolabious 22 166. The day you will stop looking yourself from others eyesyou can achieve whatever you want. Vineet 20 167. Pay your bills on time. Maya M. 28 168. Work for the job you want not the job you have. Zac 25 169. Life is always simple.. but WE make it complicated by our complex thoughts. Aditi 21 170. Do not waste your time looking for a star to shine into your life instead make yourself a star to shine into your own life. Manuel J. 20 171. A challenge is only a new way to learn and grow. Ryan 172. Fall in Love with the Creator of the Universe He is also your Savior. He knows you because He made you. Its not about religion its about relationship. Cythnia 49 173. Dont always live with the all-or-nothing attitude.Often something small is better than nothing at all. Anonymous 174. Live your life the way you want to and not the way others expect you to live. Shiv 28 175. Do not try so hard to fit in because you were born to stand out Annielace 53 176. The greatest lesson I have learned is to walk in someone elses shoes. This expands our moral awareness. Jahlion T. 17 177. The past has the potential of repeating itself. Ernest 31 178. Life moves on dont keep your problems. Jake 36 179. Life is like an ice cream. Enoy it before it melts so make your each day happy and free. Chirag 23 180. Do what you want to do and dont let other opinions change that. Filbert 15 181. Youre beautiful. Society is the ugly one. Mary 26 182. Live your life how you want to live it not how people want you to live your life. Danielle 17 1426

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183. Many people go through life jealously guarding a jewel that nobody wants. Share generously and it comes back to you many times over. Madam Mel 67 184. Life is special dont waste a second of it. Stephanie P. 17 185. Enjoy life because we might not have the chance to do it tomorrow. Ash 17 186. Be honest all the time. Alvie 17 187. Live in the moment even if that means doing nothing. HG 188. Life is what you make of it so I mind how I react to it. I believe God will allow me to keep going through the lesson until I pass it in his eyes. Marsha 42 189. God determines your fate you determine your lifes road. For every road is a stepping stone. Heather C. 40 190. There are very few things in life worth ever really getting upset about. Innessa K. 19 191. Watch out because what goes around really does come back around. Anonymous 18 192. Give your best in whatever situation you face in life so that you dont have to be surprised of the best you get from life. Mayuresh D. 22 193. Life is like a river flowing if you dont swim against the current it will take your against your hopes. Thatayaone M. 27 194. Experience is what you get when you dont get what you want. Gary 45 195. If you spend your life respecting others all in good taste doing your real best and by doing this reaching your potential but most importantly spending life loving others even the difficult ones who teach us and being loved thats truly a rich life. Ciara 19 196. Every mistake is a lesson to learn from. Collin 18 197. Things change as well as people but thats the thing about life. We must learn to deal with it. JPC 16 198. Keep your chin up and you will succeed. Gabster 11 199. Time keeps moving whether you are or not. Dakota S. 16 200. Money cant buy you love or true happiness but it can give you choices. Tony 42 1427

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201. When you make the friends of your life youll know them because they wont judge you when you screw up they wont complain when you whine to them and they wont attempt to comfort you when youre inconsolable. Theyll tell it to you straight up no lies. And when youre starving theyll sit there grin and eat the very last bag of Cheetos. Maddie F. 12 202. If youre working towards a common goal - why not work together Shari B. 46 203. You must respect yourself before others can respect you. Welile 22 204. He who has health has hope and he who has hope has everything and that everything includes wealth so in your struggle for a wealthy life do not lay down your health Estell 62 205. We are our own worst enemies. We are too hard on ourselves. We easily forgive others but ourselves. Learn to accept what ever comes our way. Akwasi O. 50 206. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. Katie 207. You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. Joshua 208. Independence is individuality give yourself the gift of responsibility. Do the things your never dreamed you could. Shannon 21 209. If you find yourself trying to hard to be yourself just turn your attention in your own direction. Do what pleases you and that in itself will be pleasing to others. Shannon 21 210. Sacrifice is an option happiness is your choice. Princess F 211. Always be ready to learn and never regret. Whats the best way to learn than from your own mistakes You learn a life lesson with every mistake. Jeevi 15 212. It is not always you hit the iron when it is hot instead hit the iron so hard that it becomes hotter. Every problem is a business opportunity be cautious to grab it. Somvir P 40 213. The greater the effort the greater the reward. Justin 16 214. Money isnt everything because it cant buy love. Oshai L. 1428

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215. Life is like coin you can spend it anyway you want but you only spend it once. Dont regret the way you spend that coin and enjoy the process of spending that coin.Francisco Q. 20 216. Every day is a step if you fall learn from it and fix it. Be patient one step at a time is the best pace you can go. Ravinder 18 217. The hardest thing in life is finding out who we are. Every person is special and unique. Remember this: In thousands or even millions of years of human existence there has never been a person like you and there wont be for another thousand years. The worst tragedy in life is that most people live their whole lives and die without knowing who they are. Only by answering this age old question will we be able to live our life with passion and purpose. You are special. Dont waste it. Paul C. 50 218. When you are trying to be good at something keep in mind that only the single very best person has nobody that is better than them. Dont let your failures trouble you. John 219. Life is a lesson itself you learn it wont be fair not everyone will have the same chance of success you will learn that the world is filled with hate envy war and you will learn that the world is filled with love peace and friendship. Robby V. 14 220. Dont let the bad things in life bother you. Keep it real and be happy because getting worked up about the small things is a waist of time you will never get back. And tomorrows never promised so make the best of today. And then when tomorrow doesnt come for you you will have no regrets. Chance 16 221. In life you have to be like a postage stamp and stick to something till you get there. Unknown 222. Attempting to appeal to everyone will in the end cause you to appeal to no one. It also makes you lose yourself in something you are not. Timothy W. 18 223. To live a day saying "Ive done nothing extraordinary in my life." Is to live a day where youre trying not to make a difference. KNOW that you are extraordinary. Make a difference. Timothy W. 18 1429

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224. The person that will make you the happiest will also make you the saddest. Jess 17 225. Expectations in personal life and desperation in professional life has always lead me to unhappiness. Gopi 226. We truly are all equals. Never act like your higher than somebody else because we all came into this world the same way and you could easily end up like them too. Amber 16 227. Count your Blessings not your stressings TJ 31 228. Learning to trust again can be the hardest thing anyone could ever do. Megan 12 229. Never forget the impossibility of our planet hurtling through space and cling to the surface. And every minute is wonderful. Bella H. 16 230. While dealing with labourers remember before extending concessions"what you give as a concession today to one person would be claimed as a matter of right some body else. therefore be careful while promising to labourers. Ramanathan 71 231. Even if a lie seems small its certainly big enough for you to later regret telling it. Tamara 16 232. Never change for anybody because someone out there is looking for someone like you. Elizabeth 20 233. Never pour spaghetti down the sink disposal. Zander 19 234. If life was perfect we would never have a chance to find ourselves. Anonymous 22 235. If you find something different cherish it for it may be gone someday. Ron 17 236. Life is a juicy fruit just suck the sweet nectar out of it. Sphiwe M. 32 237. If theres only one person you can count on let it be yourself. Olivia 20 238. Family First. John R. 19 239. Life is too short and worry to much. Live life meaningful and with a purpose its the ultimate goal. R 40 240. Whenever youre facing a difficulty in life simply tell youself "It could have been worse." Sunra 26 1430

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241. Opportunities are just at hand...all you have to do is to be on guard so it wont pass you unknowingly. And once you have them cling on and treat it like a precious gem. Omar 242. People shouldnt dwell on the past. Its enough to try your best in all that youre doing now. Theres sunshine in every darkness. Apsara 21 243. Life is fragile handle with prayer Laine L. 12 244. There is only 1 way to succeed in anything and that is to give it everything. Aka K. 28 245. Hard work will always pay off in the end in ways better than ever Katie 14 246. Live is a river we all flow on. Ive learned to appreciate the peaks and not to worry about the valleys as much. Melissa K. 12 247. You cant change people but you can change yourself and be a model for others. Genky N. 22 248. What the mind harbors the body manifests. We are what we think Joseph G. 47 249. If you want to come up in life listen to the inner voice rather than everyone around as they WILL mislead. Shanthi S. 42 250. Live your life as a dream so you could always have something to look forward to. Abraham C. 16 251. Life is too short dont waste your time watching and judging other peoples lives Michelle 30 252. Never trust anyone. Fa 17 253. Off in the distance there are calm waters... my divorce mantra Robin 50 254. There are no mistakes in life only challenges that you hardly passed. Gina 26 255. Dont let people bring you down everyone shines in there own way. Angeliek 11 256. Dont take things for granted you never know when you will lose something that you never expected to lose. Shelby M. 16 257. Depression only sets in when we look at the situation in our own perspective rather than that of our Lord and saviour. Penelope 23 1431

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258. Keep a positive adittude even during adversities. Ban negative energy out of your life and you wont lose. Rene 259. When people treat you poorly keep being who you are dont let people bitterness change the person you are. Reese 27 260. Life is like learning to ride a bike if you dont pedal you dont get anywhere. Paul V. 64 261. Guard your heart. Because after all those who truly love you are the ones willing to climb over the walls youve built up around it. Ashley 14 262. We make our own decisions we cant blame other people when things go wrong in our lives. Its up to us if we something of your life up to you to make it happen. We cant blame our circumstances or our family. We are all born into particular family. You cant choose your family but you can choose what you want to become. Everybody gets an opportunity but its always up to the individual to make the most. Herman M. 19 263. Opposition is a catalyst to progress for those who are on good course and those who have something to deliver. If no one backs you up God certainly will. Adaji 35 264. Always trust your inner voice as it is the the inner compass that empowers us to align our lives to perfection not the external one. Anupam 39 265. Where there is a will there is more than one way. Don O. 266. The good news is that you dont know how great you can be How much you can love What you can accomplish And what your potential is. Kathy 21 267. Life is to live and enjoy. You could enjoy life if you are a contributor/giver. At the same time remember that we are interdependent beings. We need one another. So in short love and be loved thats the way to live an enjoy life. Karthik S. 35 268. Always be honest and logical in your words and your actions and society can never hurt you. Sebastian 19 269. When through our lifes journey we become selfless forget our own worries and be compassionate towards others pray for 1432

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them God will always take your worries problems off your mind your shoulders. Evangeline R. 66 270. They say opportunity knocks....well I say not everything that knocks is an opportunity Im looking through the peephole first. Regina 34 271. The good guy doesnt always win. Alex L. 16 272. Dont hold on love too tight for you may strangle it. Amina M. 50 273. Even if it seems like everything is falling down and crumbling around you dont forget Newtons Law of Physics: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction so soon everything will go your way Sarah 12 274. Count your blessings and write the number down. You will be surprised by how large it is. KN 40 275. Just Dont put off what you can do this day this week or this year because "one" of these days could end up being "NONE" of these days Gabrielle 46 276. Reading can open doors that no keys can. Worship books. Sangita 40 277. Be who you are because the kind of people who will only accept you if youre someone youre not arent worth earning your acceptance. The kind of people who love you for who you are dont need to be impressed with falseness. Be who you are. Sarah 12 278. There are no shortcuts in life to any place worth going to. Michelle 33 279. Love is blind not by your vision but by your heart. Ranjini R. 19 280. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. Summer 20 281. A change for no change is no change at all. Steve 68 282. Honesty leads to trust truth leads to security and lie leads to heartache. Remember not to allow anyone to be your everything because when theyre gone you have nothing. Noelle 25 283. If it wont matter in a year its not worth worrying about. Claire 19 284. A vision and a mission are useless without ambition. TJ 1433

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285. Keep your eyes on your opponents eyes dont blink dont look back. Be a SEAL. You already won. Belkys 48 286. It takes as much energy to smile and think positive as it takes to be sad. So get up take a good look in the mirror and smile Ingeborg 21 287. Have faith in God love and respect allaspire and work for the best and glorious in life Dr. Rathore 47 288. The lesson will keep presenting itself until it is learned. Pay attention to what your experiences are trying to teach you. Ginger L. 40 289. 10000 ways to tell a lie and only one way to tell the truth Life lesson just tell the truth Jasper P. 41 290. Make failure your best friend and rejection your middle name. Janet L. 31 291. Dont be the first person in everything. It only gets you more envy from friends. Getu 43 292. Feel strength from knowing weakness laughter and charity from knowing sadness and wisdom from learning from mistakes. Steve A. 48 293. Knowledge is good to have yes but dont get so caught up in trying to get it that you end up losing a part of yourself. Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss. Sam 18 294. Don’t let opportunity pass. If you have it grab it. It’s a waste of time regretting why you did not do it. Aimee 39 295. Love. Olivia 17 296. In life were taught to love the smile of the world but the most important one is in the mirror. Nick M. 25 297. Success and failure are equally available to all. Your daily choice determines where you belong. Chika A. 40 298. I wish I knew now what I thought I knew then. Kirby 47 299. Remember that your life is always Good Better than the one who is hungry without anything. Chethan N. 25 300. If you feel like your life is all uphill heres the thing the view from the top is amazing Sharon 35 1434

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301. Life may not treat you well if you dont treat her well. For all you are taking from her at least give her something. Olu 44 302. Things you do make you who you are. If you dont like who you are change. Megan 15 303. The most important thing to do after you get out of a relationship is to stay in one with yourself. Jess N. 17 304. If someone does something that upsets you try to understand why they did it. If you can understand it you can let it go. Mikaela 14 305. Dreams dont only have to exist when the lights are out and you eyes are shut. Christina 16 306. To say people cant change is not true. They just have to want to do it bad enough and need to do it in their own time. Michelle 35 307. Never expect more than you know one will give and you will never be disappointed. Meshell 44 308. You will only past onto this world once so make the most out of it by loving deeply showing kindness and living each day as if its your last with Jesus holding your hands. Jennie 30 309. Never get too attached to anything . Anything . People especially . You feel like there never going to leave your side until they say goodbye. Gisselle 13 310. Dont tell you problems to anyone for 70 dont care and 30 are happy for having such problem. Keep your faith in God and you will never be disappointed. Omar B. 26 311. Sometimes life may knock you down but just pick yourself back up otherwise whats the point of continuing to live. Divinia 13 312. Take a closer look and use your heart to feel theres more to life than weve ever realized. Lyz 18 313. Fate brings people together so we should make the best out of it. Celeste 17 314. Life is to be lived to the fullest and to leave a great legacy after you. Because no one remembers what you leave with them but what you leave IN them - thats your legacy. Oluseyi 36 1435

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315. Life is like skydiving you lunge forward and hope for the best. Mario 15 316. Life is meant to be tough to challenge you and to make you stronger but sometimes its OK to let go of some people that meant a lot to you to help them understand your value and importance in the future. RD 23 317. I can forgive forget easily until someone reminds me of what I was forgiving. Connie B. 43 318. Comfort zones are never comfortable. They are the biggest obstructions to your growth. Aditi 35 319. Dont give a dog your money. Quentin 15 320. If you act "AS IF" in life you will eventually "BECOME". MC 42 321. Never pretend to be someone else let people know the real you because someone in this world loves and accepts u for who u are. being somebody else doesnt make u happy. Youre just like insulting ur own self do the thing u want things u love to do and never have regrets. Mae 15 322. You choose who you love. Meg 18 323. Family above all. Daisy 26 324. Dont try to cheat in school because you cant cheat life. Tiffeny 13 325. The sky will never be the limit you can go infinity and beyond and still go farther and succeed beyond imagination. Tiffeny 13 326. Forgiveness is not an emotion but a choice. Vanessa 23 327. Everyone deserves a second chance to make a first impression. Karl W. 57 328. You get what you give meaning you reap what you sow. Dwight 56 329. Never regret that you once loved with all your heart. Jowein 25 330. Along your journey of life there will be suffering pain disappointments and even obstacles but never give up before you reach your destination you might be much closer to success than you can imagine. Fezz 35 331. Stay in school. Alex 14 1436

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332. The true meaning value and purpose of life is to share the greatest part of ourselves with others - the world around us. Akin 37 333. Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Sherlyn T. 22 334. Enjoy your age and live every minute of it cause you wont live the same age again. Heather 17 335. Its not all about looks. Lisa 40 336. In life There is no Good days or Bad days. There is only days Good or Bad depend on how you want it to be. So if you want every day could be a GOOD DAY. Pat 23 337. As soon as you start each day tell yourself that youre going to have a good day and try to believe it. You really will. It works every time. David L. 23 338. Comparing yourself today to your past self is useless. You will hate who youve become because the past person is usually better. Myr 17 339. True love is not being able to sleep because reallity is finally better than your dreams. Jeremy 28 340. In all things good and bad give thanks. Stacia W. 22 341. Work hard while youre young. Rose 18 342. You always have a choice and your choice will make a difference. Adones M. 30 343. Be careful not to kick someone who is down because they may get up again. Deb 42 344. You can never give up on anything or anyone you believe in but on the same note you can not let who or what you believe in hold you back when the time is not right for what you know should be. Shelly 43 345. I believe every situation happens for a reason but every choice is our own. Heriberto R. 18 346. You cannot go to a better position unless you are tired of the position you are in. Norman 19 347. The only person youre hurting is yourself when you let little things in life piss you off Ridhi 17 348. Sometimes you need to lose in order to win at the end. Noga 33 1437

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349. Lower your expectations if you dont want to get disappointed. Johanna C. 39 350. You cant control how other people act and behave but you can control how you react. Johanna C. 39 351. Dont part with God because of life challenges. Tshipidi 352. Learn to love and appreciate yourself unconditionally its the only way you can learn to love and appreciate others unconditionally. Boatametse 31 353. When looking up on the sky know that God is always there and even next to you then your day will go peaceful. Debbie 49 354. There is no truer sentence in our world today than: "Love ya dont tell ya enough". Use it its not only true but makes people smile. Jeff 37 355. I have come to realise that love is a simple thing but hard to understand often times. Ezekiel I. 31 356. I am not married but when it comes to love issues my advice is "marry your best friend and not your most beautiful friend cox your best friend may not be your most beautiful friend and your most beautiful friend might not be your best friend." Ezekiel I. 31 357. Dancing is always free. Deb 52 358. Success is sweet if you sweat. C. 25 359. Love your sister and your brother love you friend I have just buried mine and he was the best friend ever never go home on a row cos you never know if its the last one youll ever have live as god taught us to live and you will never go wrong. Teresa E. 360. I learned this lesson when I was in graduate school and asked the woman in charge of the xerox machine to make a copy for me. Her response was to leave it in the box and pick it up later. If you give someone a little authority they go nuts abusing that authority. Mark W. 64 361. Always learn new things empieza por un idioma its always a good thing to know what other people in different countries are saying sabias Fernando 19 1438

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362. Love comes out of the window when poverty knocks at the door. But other people believes that when poverty knocks it punches on you but you have to knock it out with patience and perseverance. Julie P. 59 363. The hardest realization is that you cant change or control anyones behavior or choices but your own. Peggy M. 53 364. To know the REAL you is to REALLY love you. Micheala 365. Life is the longest thing youll ever do so dont regret. Shannon 16 366. Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but wish we didnt Anonymous 36 367. Life is more bearable if its lived lightly. Frederick V. 21 368. Learn to love at an early age... the people that you pass up might just be the people made for you but you wont know that if you dont know how to love them the right way. Christian 14 369. Never take dieting advice from a fat person. Alana 36 370. Lifes too short to play silly games. Marlayne 17 371. Its not about winning as an individual its about trying as a team. Lexi 23 372. Be happy and dont worry about things that you cant control. You should be concerned but not worried. John P. 373. Life is how you make it. You have to know the System and beat it. Anonymous 42 374. Never expect anybody to say thinkor do anything. Veronica 18 375. Life is a fight and even though it seems like youre going to get knocked out you must keep on fighting. Jorge 15 376. Some people say "blood is thicker than water" I say "LOVE is thicker than them both." meaning like a spouse you can love someone just as much if not more though theyre not blood related. Cole 32 377. Be honest. It builds trust. Annie 19 378. When you go back to the place you started from and see the difference in the things you did you can be sure you have definitely come a long way and that in its self is a sign of change. 1439

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And any change is better than no change. Stagnation is death blow. San 26 379. Life is but a fleeting moment in time so let your spirit burn brightly for all to see. Vinnie 65 380. Every time I trust people they teach me why I shouldnt. Sukanya 17 381. Only those who pay the price win the prize and with God all labour is profit. Ngozi 30 382. Its never too late to cut out the negative people in your life. Clarissah 37 383. The best things in life are very hard to achieve. You can do it. Dont expect mommy and daddy to achieve YOUR greatness. Coach Cline 39 384. Life is simple. Just follow the heart that God gave you. Its the only best thing that you can ever do. Ray F. 26 385. Judging others is the greatest mistake I ever made. It wasted my time. It hurt me and it hurt others. It is not my job to be the judge. I am a terrible judge. People want to be accepted forgiven and loved not picked apart and judged. Jane 50 386. Sometimes you just have to just try imagine yourself in someone life for a day if it hurts you it probably hurts them. Compassion is something we have to little of I have lived through all kinds of things life has given me. But through that experience Ive learned to forgive and all that was done and go on with life. Life is to short for anger by the time you want to say I love it maybe to late. Forgive and just hold on to life make the best of it. Blanche 54 387. The best of you lies in your best decision not in years on Earth or energy available but commitment put into your decision. Don D. 27 388. Always Keep Your Self Respect. Dont Love anyone more than yourself... be happy Anny 28 389. Life is like a game you when some and lose some but never give up. Marcos G. 19 390. There are no wrong decisions. We just think its wrong because we arent satisfied of its results. Janna A. 20 1440

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391. We choose to make things COMPLICATED. : Janna A. 20 392. My mother told me " I should have started living for joy sooner" so i started living for joy right that very moment and for as long as i live. Paul 22 393. You are smart you are funny and damn it people like you. Paul 22 394. Life can be hard but you will improve as it goes on. MH 395. Everything happens for the best. Amanthie W. 26 396. Were all weird. Its just whos willing to admit it that makes us normal. Kat G. 18 397. Never sign any paper without an attorney Travis 21 398. You will not get to your destination if you pay attention to every dog that barks. Rovz 20 399. Never make decisions based on what others may think. Do what feels right in your heart. Inahat 19 400. Time is one of things in life that once gone never come back again. LastDesertMan 35 401. I learned that researching / reading is the way out of ignorance. Christian 23 402. Think twice before you text or email.you might regret it later. Anonymous 403. Once you stop trying to impress others and start to be yourself is when youll truly become happy. Colin 18 404. Life is a story make yours a best seller. Jared 18 405. Dont stop just because something is in your way. Allison 406. Death is what makes life precious. Anonymous 407. However keen some may be to say "Lifes what you make it" the fact remains that some things in life are out of your control. Never mind all this "You can do anything" nonsense. The one thing that makes life a lot easier is when you accept that "It just is". Hapless Lummox 42 408. Its not where you go or what you do its who you take along with you. Natasha 23 409. There is no meaning to life because its you who gives life meaning. Bruce W. 19 1441

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410. I always trust my selves: my soul my spirit my heart my body my highest. Richard 47 411. Life has taught me that the best I can be when I compare myself with somebody is number two. Imitation is limitation. Choose to be the best you were created to be. Elias M. 20 412. The best way to help yourself is to help someone else. Laurie 47 413. Life there is just one so its better to enjoy it instead of to live it sad. Julie T. 12 414. Life always sucks.. when one run out of juice. Shaan 33 415. Life is great in all terms. There is no setback those are only lessons if you can learn. Vishal B. 26 416. To dominate without violation is an art form. Vivian 41 417. If you let fear take over it will take you to places you never want to be. Ann 20 418. Walk slowly get that tattoo watch the sunrise write letters skip rocks call your mom jump off cliffs into water kiss a stranger journal ride with the windows down talk to old people smile at strangers eat lots of ice cream viva. Kelcany 20 419. Never allow misery to be included in your life decisions. Dont be swayed by what other people think of you. Know what you love doing Sometimes what may not work for others may work for you. Malone 24 420. Pay the price. Its always worth it even if only to yourself. Damon 38 421. The day is how YOU make it so make it a good one The outcome of every situation that comes your way is completely up to YOU Make it good or make it bad choice is yours. Beth 26 422. Know who you are. Those who truly love you wont try to change you. Kathleen 16 423. Sometimes in life you have to completely break down and lose everything. Once everything falls apart you can start all over again a fresh start. And you will realize that the things you lost were of no use in your life anyway. Wendy 1442

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424. Every meeting and connection you have is a miracle and with that miracle we grow bigger stronger and smarter. Accept people you meet and make the best of the time with them. Sam 18 425. When you have to choose between you or your friend it isnt likely that there will be a right choice. So the best answer would be to pick the choice that you could live with better. Sam 18 426. I dont mind testing my waters as long as I know I wont drown in it. Anna 22 427. Hold to faith faith in God faith in yourself faith in others faith in your dreams...its the anchor that keeps us steady in the sea of life. Deborah 52 428. One of the most difficult things to do is to stop smoking. Never ever take that first puff that is all it takes for a life long addiction. Hank 51 429. Dont save up money throughout your whole life. You might die materially rich and could have used it to enlighten or help people which is worth a thousand times more. Andros 51 430. If you choose to be and/or do differently dont whine because people see and/or treat you differently. Rhonda 431. Don’t get upset about what others say or do. You are responsible only for your own words and actions. Source: http://www.motivational-well-being.com/life-lessons.html 432. If you can find a way to make what you love to do what you do life will be a lot more fun and a lot less stressful. Even if you can’t do it full-time find a way to do it some of the time. 433. More often than not we live to regret the things we didn’t do so take risks and do those things that make you happiest or that feel right right now. 434. Stop trying to impress other people especially by being someone you are not. In the end either the true you will come out or you will lose yourself. You can not please everyone so aim to please yourself instead. 1443

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435. A smile is one of the easiest ways to have an impact on the world. It takes little to no effort on your part and it can have a huge impact on other people. Smiles are contagious spread them to everyone. 436. You always have a choice you may not always like the choices you have but they are there and you have the ability to choose them. 437. No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to feel. You are the keeper of your emotions you choose the way you feel. There are billions of people in the world are you going to let one person ruin your day 438. The less concerned you are with what other people think of you the more you actually enjoy life. 439. Family does not have to be blood. Family is a feeling an emotion a connection. It is who you choose and what you make it. 440. Anger and Hate are useless they do not affect the person at which they are directed. In fact 9 time out of 10 the only person they actually harm is you. Learn to forgive those who have hurt you and open your heart to less pain and more love. 441. The more you learn about yourself the better able you will be to understand others. The happier you are with yourself the happier you will make others. The more you enjoy yourself the more enjoyable life will become. You are the key to the life you long for. 442. You don’t have to believe in God but have faith in something even if it is faith in yourself have faith and let it guide you. 443. Learn to accept change it is the one thing in life that is constant. 444. Learn to see life through other people’s eyes chances are you will treat them differently when you consider how they feel. 445. Education is important. The length of time you have to spend studying in school are short compared to a long life at a minimum wage job. 446. Never stop learning knowledge is more powerful than money and it will make you happier in the long run. 447. Even in failure there is success. Take risks and learn lessons from each mistake when you fail get up and try again. 1444

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448. Every person you meet has some thing they can teach you you only need to open your mind and accept the lesson. 449. Love is a powerful thing but loving something or someone does not always mean keeping them around. Sometimes the strongest love occurs in letting go. It is also through love that we learn the most about ourselves. Don’t be afraid to love because you might get hurt be afraid you might get hurt because you don’t love. 450. Don’t measure your wealth by your bank account but rather by all the blessings you have that money can’t buy. 451. When you expect more either from yourself or from others you will receive more in the end. 452. Spend less time worrying about the things you can’t control and more time enjoying those things which you can. 453. Avoid letting what others think of you or what happened in the past define who you are today or who you become tomorrow. 454. If you have never been sad bored angry or lonely you will never be happy have fun feel love or truly be with someone else. 455. The minute high-school ends it will not matter who was popular who was homecoming queen and who was a geek. The real world is far more realistic than the standards set inside the confines of the classroom. Aspire to be the best ‘you’ and you will succeed in the end no matter your place in the social school ladder. 456. Life is a reflection of your thoughts so make sure they are the best thoughts possible Source: http://inspiredeverymoment.wordpress.com/ Posed by Katherine 1445

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4.42 HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY PERSUADE INFLUENCE AND MOTIVATE PEOPLE PERSUADING involves being able to convince others to take appropriate action. NEGOTIATING involves being able to discuss and reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. INFLUENCING encompasses both of these. These skills are important in many jobs especially areas such as marketing sales advertising and buying but are also valuable in everyday life. You will often find competency-based questions on these skills on application forms and at interview where you will be required to give evidence that you have developed these skills. 1446

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Persuading One scenario where persuading skills can be important is the job interview but the following tips are valuable in many other settings.  Focus on the needs of the other party. Take time to listen to them carefully and find out about their interests and expectations. This shows that you are really interested in them and they are then more likely to trust and respect you. It will also make it easier for you to outline the benefits of your proposal in terms they understand.  Argue your case with logic. Do careful research on your ideas and those of your competitors if there are any and make sure that any claims you make can be verified.  The more hesitant language you use such as "isnt it" "you know" "um mm" and "I mean" the less people are likely to believe your argument. Journal of Applied Psychology  Use positive rather than negative language: instead of saying "Youre wrong about this" say "Thats true but ...." "Thats an excellent idea but if we look more deeply ....." or "I agree with what you say but have you considered ....".  Subtly compliment the other party. For example: "I see that youve done some really excellent research into this". Even though they may realise this is being done evidence shows that they will still warm to you and be more open to your proposals.  Mirroring the other persons mannerisms e.g. hand and body movements. A study at INSEAD Business School found that 67 of sellers who used mirroring achieved a sale compared to 12 who did 1447

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not. People you mirror subconsciously feel more empathy with you. However it can be very embarrassing if the other person detects conscious mirroring so it must be very subtle. You need to leave a delay of between two and four seconds before the mirroring action.  Try to remember the names of everyone you meet. It shows that you are treating them as an individual. Negotiating to win This involves pursuing your own interests to the exclusion of others: I win: you lose Persuading someone to do what you want them to do and ignoring their interests: "keeping your cards hidden". Pressure selling techniques involve this. Whilst you might get short term gain you will build up long term resentment which can be very disruptive if you ever need to work with these people again. Negotiating jointly  This involves coming to an agreement where everyone gets what they want reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement: win-win  You need to establish mutual trust so it requires honesty and integrity from both parties.  Both sides work together to come up with a compromise solution to suit everyones best interests.  Each party tries to see things from the others perspective.  Assertiveness is the best way here: being passive or aggressive doesnt help. A strategy for successful negotiations  Listen carefully to the arguments of the other party and assess the logic of their reasoning  Clarify issues you are not clear about by asking how why where when and what questions. 1448

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 List all the issues which are important to both sides and identify the key issues. Identify any personal agendas. Question generalisations and challenge assumptions.  Identify any areas of common ground.  Understand any outside forces that may be affecting the problem.  Keep calm and use assertive rather than aggressive behaviour. Use tact and diplomacy to diffuse tensions.  Remember :NO is a little word with big power  Use both verbal and non-verbal persuasion skills. Use open encouraging body language such as mirroring not defensive or closed.  Know when to compromise. Offer concessions where necessary but minor ones at first. Distinguish between needs: important points on which you cant compromise and interests where you can concede ground. Allow the other party to save face if necessary via small concessions.  Make sure there is an agreed deadline for resolution  Decide on a course of action and come to an agreement.  The final agreement needs to be summarised and written down at the conclusion of the negotiations.  Plan for alternative outcomes if you cant reach agreement. Jennifer Chatman University of California Berkeley developed experiments in which she tried to find a point at which flattery became ineffective. She found out that there wasn’t one Of course flattery based on round the positive attributes and deeds of other people is much more likely to be helpful and effective and you will feel better about it too 1449

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BASIC SKILLS: Use ideas persuasively Keep the attention of others. Explain the benefits of your argument. Develop a line of reasoned argument Put your points across clearly and concisely Understand the concerns and needs of the person you are dealing with. INTERMEDIATE SKILLS: Gain support Emphasise how costs and problems can be minimised Handle objections. Challenge the points of view expressed by others. Get other people to support your views. HIGH LEVEL SKILLS: Develop strategies. Use a range of approaches and strategies to gain support for ideas. Give an example of when your idea has been used successfully in some other context. Make concessions when required to reach agreement: work for a win-win situation. Form long term relationships NEGATIVE STRATEGIES Negotiating to win see above Gain power by undermining the position of others. Dont show respect for others views. Put down their ideas. Impose your own views rather than reasoning with others. 1450

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The six laws of influence In his seminal book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion Professor Robert Cialdini gives six laws or rules which govern how we influence and are influenced by others. The law of scarcity Items are more valuable to us when their availability is limited. Scarcity determines the value of an item. For example if a customer is told that an item is in short supply which will soon run out they are more likely to buy it. Time also works here. A time limit is placed on the customers opportunity to buy something. Customers are told by the seller that unless they buy immediately the price will increase next week. Auctions such as ebay create a buyer frenzy often resulting in higher prices than the objects value. If something is expensive we tend to assume that it must be of high quality because it is in demand: one jewellery shop doubled the priced of its items and were surprised to find that sales increased For example if you let an interviewer know that you have other interviews coming up they will be more interested in you as you are perceived as a sought after candidate. The Law of reciprocity If you give something to people they feel compelled to return the favour. People feel obliged to return a favour when somebody does something for them first. They feel bad if they dont reciprocate. "You scratch my back and Ill scratch yours". After someone has turned down a large request they are very likely to agree to a smaller request. This is why shop staff are trained to show the most expensive item first. A salesman who suggested a 3 year warranty costing £100 found that most customers refused but were then happy to buy 1 year warranty costing £30. 1451

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The law of authority We are more likely to comply with someone who is or resembles an authority. In other words people prefer to take advice from “experts". There is a deep seated duty to authority within us learned from parents school religious authorities etc. The law of liking We are more inclined to follow the lead of someone who is similar to us rather than someone who is dissimilar. We learn better from people who are similar to us. We are more likely to help people who dress like us are the same age as us or have similar backgrounds and interests. We even prefer people whose names are similar to ours. For this reason sales trainers teach trainees to mirror and match the customer’s body posture mood and verbal style. Research at the University of Sussex found that people more easily remember faces of their own race age group or gender than those of others. Its also very important to remember and use peoples names. Others are much more likely to like you and respond to you if you say "Hello Sarah" rather than just "Hello". The law of social proof We view a behaviour as more likely to be correct the more we see others performing it. We assume that if a lot of people are doing the same thing they must know something that we don’t. Especially when we are uncertain we are more likely to trust in the collective knowledge of the crowd. This explains herd or lemming behaviour. For example when there is panic in the stock market everyone follows everyone else and sells however great investors such as Warren Buffett know that this is the time when the best bargains are to be had and instead buy. The law of commitment and consistency Consistency is seen as desirable as it is associated with strength honesty stability and logic. Inconsistent people may be seen as two- 1452

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faced indecisive and "butterflies": never committing themselves for long enough to complete tasks. People will do more to stay consistent with their commitments and beliefs if they have already taken a small initial step. If you can get someone to do you a small favour they are more likely to grant you a larger favour later on. If someone does you a favour let them know afterwards what happened: they will appreciate your feedback and may be able to help you further in future. We evaluate a university more positively when we have got into it or a car we have bought when we own it. We look for the good points in the choice we have made or items we have bought as this justifies to ourselves our consistency of choice. EXAMPLE ANSWERS FOR PERSUADING AND NEGOTIATING QUESTIONS ON APPLICATION FORMS AND AT INTERVIEWS EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR PERSUADING SKILLS ON APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW • Arguing your case in a seminar • Getting club members to turn up for events • Fund-raising for a local charity • Telesales job in the vacation EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR NEGOTIATION SKILLS ON APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW • Negotiating the rent with your landlord • Negotiating the late handing in of essays • Resolving disputes on a staff-student liaison committee • Resolving an argument between friends 1453

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Describe a situation where you have had to NEGOTIATE a solution to a challenging situation CONTEXT On arrival in Spain I was confronted with a completely different organisational structure within the university. I was the first man to go to Valencia from my university and my role there was to test this new exchange programme and to negotiate the terms for future exchanges. I found that the structure of the courses were to the disadvantage of the Kent students and would affect the overall result of the degree. As the spokesperson for the UKC students I had to influence both sides on reaching a new agreement. ACTION I explained the situation to the academic staff at UKC and negotiated new terms for the exchange programme. RESULT Being the spokesperson of my university I successfully persuaded the administration in Seville to accept these conditions during this period. I learned that it takes sometimes a lot of time effort and patience to achieve common agreements especially when two different cultural backgrounds are involved. How have you used your communication skills to PERSUADE others to follow your lead CONTEXT As a camp counsellor I was responsible for a hut housing a group of ten children helping the children settle in to the camp and encouraging them to join in activities. The hardest part was getting the children to keep the hut tidy and join in the daily household chores session - a problem which I found was shared by other counsellors. ACTION We decided to motivate the children by turning this session into an inter-hut competition with a progress chart and prizes and arranged for the camp director to carry out daily inspections. I produced a wall chart 1454

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to show the points awarded to each hut and explained to the children how the points would be won and lost. RESULT The competitive spirit transformed the childrens attitude to tidying up as each hut worked as a team to keep their surroundings clean and tidy. There were no more problems with children disappearing at clear-up time parents were amazed to hear how involved their children had become in this activity. Please describe a situation where you had to PERSUADE someone to do something. How did you go about it Were you successful CONTEXT Last year I was living off-campus in a student house with friends. The place was quite old and did not have a functional television aerial. I was in charge of liaising with our landlord. I called him up to ask if he could fix it for us. ACTION He was reluctant to do so unless we paid but I persuaded him finally by saying that it would be beneficial for him as it would be easier to rent the house out for next year. Also it would be unfair on us to pay for an aerial that we would only use for about nine months. RESULT I was successful with my persuasion and reason. The aerial was fixed at no cost to us. 1455

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4.43 The Minto Pyramid Principle … or the case for hierarchically structured thinking and communication Imagine you receive this letter from Lucy. What does she want to tell you Dear Shirley Remember last Saturday afternoon when I was playing in the park with my boyfriend and you came over and he told me that when my back was turned you kissed him And also on Sunday when you came to my house and my Mom made you a tuna fish salad for lunch and you said: “Yech That’s the worst salad I ever ate” And yesterday when my cat brushed against your leg you kicked her and threatened to sic your dog “Monster” on her Well for all of these reasons I hate you and I no longer want to be your friend. Lucy Wouldn‘t the message be far clearer if the letter were written that way Dear Shirley I HATE you. Main statement or “governing thought Here are my reasons: Reasons supporting the governing thought 1. You stole my boyfriend. 2. You insulted my mother. 3. You scared my cat. 1456

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In the second letter the hierarchy of Lucy‘s actual thoughts becomes more explicit and can be considered as a fictitious question-answer dialogue with the addressee. Lucy hates me. Q: Why did Lucy write this letter to me I stole her boyfriend. I insulted her mother. I scared her cat. A: Because ... Q: Why A: Because ... Any main statement can be either supported by an independent group of arguments ... So whenever you read or a write a scientific paper first “distill” the key message and then analyze or support it along a logical question- answering pyramid. REMEMBER : Key message: First find or state the key message before you plunge into details. Questions: Ask questions before you give answers even if it’s only in your mind. Pyramid: Envision the question-answering process to follow top-down a fictitious logical pyramid structure. Source : The Proseminar Quadrology 2/4 - Wolfgang Gatterbauer http://education.dbai.tuwien.ac.at/wie/WS05/ http://www.dbai.tuwien.ac.at/staff/gatter/work/051104_The_Minto_P yramid_Principle.pdf 1457

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5/ Coaching Documents http://www.forestcottagecentre.com/docs/FCC20Intake20Package.pdf 5.1 EXAMPLE GENERAL INFORMATION SHEET Welcome to Forest Cottage Centre We offer personal coaching for parents who are working with challenging children in their lives and are seeking hope and help. With the support of Forest Cottage you will:  Respond to your child with specialized behavioural strategies.  Fill your life with purpose and hope.  Experience ongoing support in your parenting.  Strengthen your relationships.  Optimize the use of your unique talents skills and resources. It is the mission of Forest Cottage to offer hope and help as you create the life you imagine. The basics of our approach are:  Root building by focusing on self-care and strengthening your personal foundation for life.  Growing new strategies to handle current situations as well as building long term dreams to provide focus and hope.  Forest Building strengthening your attachments to others including your family friends and support system. 1459

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Here’s what some of our coachees are saying:  ‘I couldn’t have kept this child in my home without Tanya’s support’ - R.S. Foster Mother  ‘We’ve learned a whole new way of parenting… and it works’ – D.T. Biological Father  ‘Tanya works fast’ – S.G. Adoptive Mother  ‘Wise advice’ – H.S. Step-Mother  ‘My child no longer pushes my buttons’ – D.B. Adoptive Mother Biography Tanya Helton has over ten years experience in working with families with special needs children. She has worked with parents police schools organizations social services and mental health agencies. Her training includes a M.Sc. Criminology Leicester BA Sociology/Criminology Winnipeg Certificate of Excellence in Non- Profit Leadership and Management Wisconsin and Critical Incident Stress CIS Debriefing Certificate Justice Institute of BC. Through her office Forest Cottage Centre Tanya provides life coaching to coachees in-person as well as over the phone. As a coach she offers support and helps coachees to take care of themselves while developing strategic parenting plans. The sibling of three adoptive children and the parent of an adopted child her niece Tanya brings practical understanding as well as a caring heart to her coaching. 1460

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Frequently Asked Questions about Coaching What is coaching Coaching is a new profession. Coaches come from a variety of backgrounds experiences and training levels. They help people rethink their situation and their responses. Coaches help people:  Help people set better goals and then reach those goals.  Ask their coachees to do more than they would have done on their own.  Focus their coachees better to produce results more quickly.  Provide the tools support and structure to accomplish more and overcome blocks. What is the basic philosophy of coaching We are all discovering what we really want and that we can get what we want faster and easier by having a coach who has been there and who can help us.  Forest Cottage’s basic philosophy is that parents need practical help and support from a professional that truly understands what it is like to live with a severe behaviour child. How is coaching different from consulting Therapy Sports coaching A best friend Consulting: Coaching is a form of consulting. But the coach stays with the coachee to help implement the new skills changes and goals to make sure they really happen.  Therapy: Coaching is not therapy. We don’t work on your past apart from relating it to your future. We work on the parts of your life that you want to move forward in not those causing or relating to deeper psychological problems. We recommend working with mental health professions as needed in addition to a weekly coach. 1461

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 Sports: Coaching includes several principles from sports coaching like teamwork going for the goal being your best etc. But unlike sports coaching most professional coaching is not competition or win/lose based. We strengthen the coachee’s skills rather than helping them beat the other team. It is win/win.  Best Friend: A best friend is wonderful to have. But is your best friend a professional who you will trust to objectively advise you on the most important aspects of your life and career Have a best friend and a coach. What happens when you hire a coach You get a better life. You take more effective and focused actions immediately.  You stop putting up with what is dragging you down. You create momentum so it is easier to get results. The synergy that develops with the coach keeps you motivated.  You set better goals than you might have without a coach.  You have support in place BEFORE you hit a crisis. And the work you do now will reduce the impact and likelihood of a crisis later on. Where does the coach focus with an average coachee We focus where the coachee needs us most – generally on parenting strategies that work with challenging children. And we tend to weave in the following discussions: Getting the coachee’s personal foundation strengthened. Helping the coachee beef up their reserves. Helping the coachee set goals based on their personal values. Tell me more… A personal coach does just what an athletic coach or music teacher does only in a more complete and bigger way. A coach challenges you and takes the time to help you develop the vision YOU dream of. A coach is your partner in living the life you know you can fnd. A coach is someone to hold you accountable for your life to make sure you really do live up to your potential and encourage you along the way. 1462

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 Most people believe that ‘hard work and doing it on your own’ are the keys to finding the life success money or happiness that they seek. They believe that a price must be paid to attain what they want and often that price is poor health not having enough time to enjoy life and strained family relationships. The saddest part is that even though this effort may result in more of something it is often not the something you had in mind and you are back where you started or worse further from your real intentions.  Athletes and performers know about this trap. They know they need someone else a trained someone else to help them set goals discover real needs and work effectively toward ultimate goals of excellence. So they are willing to hire a coach or a teacher. No serious athlete or musician would expect to progress very far without one. What about people who are already doing great in their lives Why would they need a coach They might not need a coach. But it is helpful to find out… Are they doing what they most enjoy Are they tolerating anything Is life easy Are they going to be financially independent within the next 15 years Do they have what they most want We have discovered that often people expect more out of their lives. A coach can help in this process. What does it cost to hire a coach Forest Cottage offers a variety of affordable options for coachees. Some parents participate in free teleclasses or teleconferencing support groups others have occasional sessions 75/hr while others choose weekly sessions 250 - 500 per month for 4 sessions 1 hour/week with unlimited email support between sessions. Forest Cottage is always open to developing a package that meets parents’ needs and budgets. All coachees are welcome to use the toll-free number for telephone sessions. 1463

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Please call or e-mail for more information about our services. Forest Cottage Centre Phone toll-free 1-877-261-6361 Fax 250-785-0344 E-Mail TanyaForestCottageCentre.com www.ForestCottageCentre.com Forest Cottage 1464

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5.2 EXAMPLE COACHING AGREEMENT Coachee Name: _______________________________ This agreement between Coach Tanya Helton Forest Cottage Centre and the above- named coachee will begin on ___________________YY/MM/DD and will continue for a minimum of three months. Monthly services include four one-hour coaching sessions and unlimited e-mail support between sessions. The fee is __________CDN + GST per month payable by the first of each month. The services to be provided by the coach to the coachee is in-person of by tele-coaching as designed jointly with the coachee. Coaching which is not advice therapy or counselling and may address specific personal or business projects or challenges in the coachee’s life and/or profession. Other coaching services include value clarification brainstorming identifying plans of action examining modes of operating in life asking clarifying questions and making empowering requests. The coach will provide a toll-free number for the coachee to phone during sessions thereby eliminating long distance charges for the coachee. It is the coachee’s responsibility to call the coach at the agreed upon appointment time. The coachee is also responsible for pre-booking four sessions at the beginning of the month. Missed appointments will attempt to be rescheduled for later that month based on coach availability. These hours must be used prior to the end of that calendar month they will not be carried over to future months. Upon completion of this initial 3-month contract coaching will continue on a month-to-month basis. The coachee and coach agree to provide one another with a fourteen 14 day notice in event that either wishes to cancel further services. 1465

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The coach promises the coachee that all information provided to the coach will be kept strictly confidential. Throughout the working relationship the coach will engage the coachee in direct and personal conversations. The coachee can count on the coach to be honest and straightforward in asking questions and making requests. The coachee understands that the power of the coaching relationship can only be granted by the coachee – and the coachee agrees to do just that: have the coaching relationship be powerful. If the coachee believes the coaching is not working as they desire the coachee will communicate this to the coach and take action to return the power to their coaching relationship. Our signatures on this agreement indicate full understanding of and agreement with the information outlined above. Coachee ______________________ Date YY/MM/DD ____________________ Coach_______________________ Date YY/MM/DD ____________________ Please mail to: 9412 – 112 Avenue Fort St. John BC V1J 2V9 for the coach to sign - a signed copy will be returned to you. 1466

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COACHING AGREEMENTS Becoming a coaching coachee is making a commitment to your own growth. It is also a commitment between you and another person your coach. You are the driver of this coaching process. The following agreements spell out our commitments to each other and will serve as the basis for the coaching relationship we are entering. I am committed to helping you become more fulfilled in all of the arenas of your life—your full experience. Our focus The focus of this coaching is you. You create the agenda we will follow. You complete the inquiries and assignments that we agree on. This is a time to be “selffull” and to center solely on what you are needing and feeling. Don’t worry about pleasing me as your coach or asking me about myself. Get comfortable with this being about you alone. Additionally know that coaches do not give advice or make promises about outcomes — what you get from this coaching is directly aligned with what you put into it. Confidentiality Our relationship is completely confidential. I will not be telling anyone you are my coachee and I will not reveal the content of our coaching sessions to anyone. This is true even when your coaching is being paid for by your employer. You are free to share whatever you choose from our sessions with anyone. I do request permission to report your name and contact information to the International Coach Federation for ongoing certification purposes. 1467

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Feedback Periodically I will ask for feedback on my coaching and I welcome this type of feedback at any time. If I ever do or say anything that upsets you or doesn’t feel right please bring it to my attention. I promise to make it right for you and do what is necessary to have you be satisfied. Time Although coaching can address a short-term issue or a commitment decision that needs to be made the ideal commitment to the coaching process is approximately four months. That is enough time to establish a relationship to experience success and to work through failures. It means that if the going gets tough you will stick with it long enough to see results. After the initial four-month period you can continue on a month-to-month basis. That said some coachees go month-to-month from the start some make a one-year commitment at the start or agree to any other span of time they believe is workable. Sessions Coaching sessions are 45 minutes three times per month. At the end of each month we will select three dates for the following month. Ideally we will lock in a time that works consistently for both of us. With very few exceptions sessions are conducted by phone. Timeliness Please call me at our pre-designated time. If I do not hear from you by 15 minutes after our appointed time I will have to charge you for the time I have set aside in my day for your session. If ever you call me and I do not answer please leave a message. If I don’t call you back within 10 minutes your next session is free. Payment At the beginning of each month you will receive an invoice for payment. Prompt payment is appreciated. 1468

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Rescheduling If you need to reschedule I would appreciate 24 hours’ notice. I will do all I can to reschedule within the same week. In our busy lives each of us occasionally will need to move a session. I will extend to you the same courtesy and give you as much notice as possible when something comes up for me. If we are unable to reschedule a session that you have already paid for we will bank the session and your invoice the following month will reflect that. Extra coaching Call me between our scheduled sessions if you need a sounding board have a problem or want to share a success with me. I have time between our regular sessions to speak with you if needed and I enjoy providing this extra level of service. I do not bill for additional time of this type but ask that you keep the extra sessions to less than 10 minutes. Also contact me by email as often as you’d like. Completing When either one of us decides it is time to end our coaching relationship we should advise the other person of our decision when we have at least two coaching sessions remaining. This will give us time to capture your learning and strategize for what is next in your life. These agreements are not all-inclusive. Coaching is a dynamic and personalized process. If something you’ve just read needs to be revised to make you comfortable we can do that. As other situations arise we will find a mutually satisfying way of handling them. These agreements are simply the foundation of something that has yet to be built. I’m looking forward to creating that something with you. Source: Full Experience Coaching. 1469

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5.3 EXAMPLE COACHING COMMITMENTS I ____________________________ Coachee am committed to creating a coaching alliance with __________________________ Coach. The coach agrees to hold all content of our sessions completely confidential. I commit to creating a successful alliance that supports me in reaching my goals and living the life I want. I agree to participate in this coaching relationship for a minimum of three months. I agree to shape the coaching relationship to best meet my needs by - sharing what I know about my own motivations. - co-designing structures that will support me. - asking for changes if the coaching strategy is not working. I give the coach permission to - challenge me with powerful questions. - make requests of me to take action on a goal. - hold me accountable for taking actions to which I commit. - speak to me in a straightforward and honest manner. I agree to the following scheduling items: - If I am late for an appointment my session will be shortened. - I will reschedule any appointment 24 hours in advance. - I will give one month’s notice when I wish to end coaching. I agree to the following business arrangements: - I am entitled to two one-hour sessions per month. - We will meet off site. - I am entitled to unlimited email support. 1470

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The services to be provided by the Coach to the Coachee is coaching. Coaching is not advising therapy or counseling. Coaching may address specific personal projects business successes or general conditions in the Coachee’s life or profession. Coaching includes value clarification brainstorming identifying plans of action examining modes of operating in life asking clarifying questions and making empowering requests. DISCLAIMER: The Coachee is the sole decision maker in the coaching process. Any and all actions or consequences resulting from the coaching session are the responsibility of the Coachee. The Coachee releases the Coach from all liability pertaining to the services rendered in the coaching relationship. ___________________________________________________________________ Signature of Coachee Date ___________________________________________________________________ Signature of Coach Date Source: Meade Dickerson Professional Executive and Life Coach Beyond Limits LLC. 10 Steps to Successful Coaching – Sophie Oberstein 1471

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5.4 EXAMPLE ASSESSMENT FORM 5.4.1 PERSONAL INFORMATION FACT SHEET FOREST COTTAGE FORM All information will be kept strictly confidential. Full Name __________________________ Name you like to be called __________________________ Home Telephone __________________________ Work Telephone __________________________ Message or Cell Phone __________________________ Fax Number __________________________ E-mail __________________________ Address __________________________ City __________________________ Region/Province __________________________ Country __________________________ Postal Code __________________________ Birthdate Month and day __________________________ Number of Children __________________________ Significant Other’s Name __________________________ Names and Ages of Children: _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Diagnosis of Children if seeking parent coaching: _______________________________________________________________ How did you hear about Forest Cottage 1472

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___ Website ___ A friend told me - Please specify who: _______________________ ___ A Workshop ___ SNAP ___ Other: __________________________ Those who refer coachees to Forest Cottage receive an Affiliate Award. They will not be told your name. Notes: Please indicate any further information you wish the coach to know on reverse. Billing Information I prefer to pay by: Cheque Made Payable to: Forest Cottage Centre - Must be received prior to first session of each month. Visa MasterCard Name on Card: ______________________ Billing Address if different from mailing address: ________________________________________________________ Card Number: _______________________________________ Exp ____ / ____ I authorize please check one 80.25 75.00+GST CDN per hour OR ___________ CDN per month to be automatically billed prior to my first session of each month. I understand that payments will continue as per my contract for a minimum of 3 months and then monthly unless 14 days cancellation notice is given prior to the billing date. Signed: ___________________________________________ 1473

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Outside Party please check one 75.00 per hour OR _____________ per month Bill to: __________________________ Contact Person: __________________________ Phone: __________________________ NOTE: WRITTEN BILLING AUTHORIZATION FROM THIRD PARTY MUST BE RECEIVED PRIOR TO FIRST BILLED SESSION. 1474

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5.4.2 DIANA BAKER SELF ASSESSMENT FORM Date: Name: Mob: Tel: Email: Address: Preferred method of contact: Date of Birth: Emergency Contact Person: Relationship to you: Their Contact mob: Their Email: Please fill in this questionnaire completely prior to your coaching session with Diana. Our recommendation is that you set aside at least one hour to work quietly on your own to complete this form. Please return by email to mrsdianabakergooglemail.com so that she has a chance to see it before your next session. This form is confidential it will only be seen by your coach. WHERE AM I NOW As you fill in this questionnaire begin by using an ‘aerial’ viewpoint of your own life. It is rare that you get the opportunity to put distance between yourself and your everyday concerns to make an honest and objective assessment of the status of your life. 1475

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Using a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest how would you rate yourself against each of the following __ being a leader __ Sense of achievement __ Career Development __ Job Security __ Personal Direction __ Inner Peace __ Physical Fitness __ Health __ Challenge __ Community participation __ Personal Effectiveness __ Relationship with Pears __ Personal Relationship __ Relationship with self __ Family Relationship __ Social Life __ Personal Life Direction __ Integrity __ Inspiration __ Confidence __ Use of time and Talent __ Freedom __ Succeeding __ Balanced Lifestyle __ Commitment __ Creativity __ Financially Security __ Stress levels 10 low stress __ Wealth __ Happiness 1476

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What do you consider your five major achievements of the past 12 months 1. _________________________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________________________ 4. _________________________________________________________________ 5. _________________________________________________________________ What have been the major disappointments over the same period 1. _________________________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________________________ 4. _________________________________________________________________ 5. _________________________________________________________________ Consider each of the major areas of your life. Briefly describe the status of each: Career: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Friends / Leisure: ________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ List the topics issues areas where you would like particular attention paid in this coaching programme. 1477

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___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ What are your particular skills strengths and abilities ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ What are your areas for development ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ What specific objectives would you like to achieve as a result of your participation in coaching ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ What success criteria will you use to measure the value of your coaching programme ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 1478

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These exercises are designed to enable greater reflection an insight into your current situation. While allowing the coach to gain a greater understanding of how she can support you. Please make sure you have filled out all questions honestly and openly as possible as this will allow for great success in all your coaching sessions. 1479

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FOR MORE GREAT BOOKS ABOUT COMMUNICATION INFLUENCING CONVINCING MIND READING NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION THE POWER OF WORDS … VISIT WWW.LULU.COM/SPOTLIGHT/JAIMELAVIE 1480

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