Book 3 Chapter 9

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The Literacy: Book 3 Chapter 9 It’s all too easy to settle into the familiar. We fall into ruts, but don’t try to escape because our rut is comforting in its way. We make the mistake of thinking that life follows a predictable enough pattern, and will continue to do so. Of course, life is not really quite so obliging. Because sometimes, all at once, and without any warning… Breaks in the pattern force us to change. Maybe it’s just a hiccup, a momentary anomaly after which we can get back to the old life. But sometimes our old way of looking at the world has to be crumpled up and thrown away, like a first draft that’s not going anywhere.

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Everything changes.

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The Townie Box, Literature Island. beep boop boop beep

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RIIIIING…RIIIIING…RIIIIING…RII—click!

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Hi there, Hades! This is Marsha. Never mind how I got this number, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to date a great beauty who is exactly like Persephone, but way easier? And by “exactly like” I mean “as tall as.” Also, by “a great beauty,” I mean Meadow Thayer. No! Wait! Don’t hang up!

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*Sigh*…I’m still listening.

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Think about your options, Hades. Persephone is taken, and kinda hates you besides. Meadow, on the other hand, is single and desperate! I mean, she’s got to be if she agreed to date you, am I right? Don’t hang up!

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All I’m asking is that you give Meadow a chance. Just go on one date with her. One measly little date! One measly, little, miniscule, negligible, microscopic— Alright!...Alright, we can go on one date. But…but don’t expect anything out of this, okay? Don’t worry. I stopped even bothering with expectations years ago.

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That night, Meadow and Hades find themselves at Whimsical Park (Named, of course, for Albert Whimsical, longtime patron of civic improvement on Literature Island).

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You know, Hades, I’m really glad we did this. To be honest, I didn’t think we were really compatible. But now that I’ve really talked to you, I’m starting to really, really like you. Like, really. And not just like, like you, but like, like you like you, like really.

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And you’re like, deep and stuff too. Most kids with pasty skin and a skull necklace are just posers and stuff, but you’re like the honest-to-God god of death and stuff, and that is like so deep and stuff.

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Oh, and you don’t talk too much either. Most people will just go on forever and stuff if you don’t, like, literally shut them up, and I hate that. But you’re like, the strong silent kinda guy and stuff, you know?

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Meadow, do you believe in fate?

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Like how two people can be totally destined to be together forever and stuff? Yeah, totally! Well, what if—hypothetically—I thought I was destined to be with…someone. How…how would I know?

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Hee hee…Well, can you describe how you’re feeling and stuff? I mean about this “hypothetical” person. It feels like there’s something wrong, some piece of the cosmos that’s fallen out of place, and that if we could just be together everything would fit. Everything would be right—the way it’s meant to be. And I feel like the only thing I want in the whole universe is to be with her forever.

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Oh Hades, that’s so sweet! I think— I should go tell her. What?!

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I’m wasting my time here. Persephone and I are meant to be together—she just doesn’t understand that yet.

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Oh…I’m sorry, I just thought that, y’know, when you were talking about destiny and stuff, you were talking about, y’know…us. Sorry, Meadow. I gave this a shot, but if Persephone and I are meant to be, then that’s just the way it is. Goodbye.

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The same night, at Nathan Price’s house… I’ve made up my mind.

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I’m sorry, you’ve made up your mind about what? About leaving. I can’t work with you anymore.

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You’re making an awfully big decision, Random. Are you sure you don’t want to sleep on it? That’s what you said last night. I have slept on it, and I’ve made up my mind. I’m leaving!

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Poseidon, come quickly! I have something I must show you. Does it have to be now, Zeus? I was hoping with Hades and Eros gone for the evening, I might— Meanwhile, at the gods’ bunker… Yes, it has to be now. I need to keep this a secret from Eros.

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Ah, well now, that’s gotten me interested!

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Why would you want to give up on the mission, Random? We’re making so much progress! I just…think it’s time I moved on to some other project, alright?

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What do you think? It’s called the Death Creator. It kills people. And it’s a tombstone. You know, between this and the baby that makes people younger, one might think you’re not really very creative.

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You know what? When you make something that will restore us to power, you get to name it and pick what it looks like. Forgive me for not being clever enough with my designs. The point is, the Death Creator can kill anyone within a certain limited radius. However, by wiring it into the phone lines, I’ve extended the radius to the entire island.

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That is the dumbest, most implausible thing I’ve ever heard. I know it strains credibility a little, but would you believe me if I showed you that it worked? Naturally, yes.

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No. …What? No, it’s not “alright.” If you’re going to abandon me the least you can do is give me a real answer when I ask you why!

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*sigh*… Alright. I’m leaving because… Because I don’t believe in God.

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Now, hang on just a moment. You didn’t believe in God when you agreed to help me. Something else must have changed, and I demand to know what it is. Nothing’s changed! That’s the whole problem! What on earth do you mean by that?

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Nathan, I was a teenager when my half-brother was born. Now he’s grown up, married your daughter, and their children are teenagers. Meanwhile I’ve been trapped in this miserable adolescence! And it’s not like I’ve just stopped aging physically. It’s more like I’m trapped in some kind of freaky time-stasis. The only evidence that time passes here at all is the weekly prayer meetings—Zarquon, the weather doesn’t even change!

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And just to make everything even more hellish, nobody else seems to care. The Turners are the only people on this island who aren’t trapped in stasis, and apparently I’m crazy for thinking that’s out of whack.

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We’ll know soon enough if the device works. I’ve set it on Random. You set a device that kills people on random? Are you sure that’s—

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Oh. You’re a sick bastard. I mean I’ve set it on Random, Arthur Turner’s illegitimate daughter. Is that clever enough for you? And maybe I am crazy. I don’t know. I tried to give you the simple answer, but you wanted the real reason, so there it is. That’s why I’m leaving. I’ve realized… that if my life isn’t going to change on its own, I’ll have to go out and…go out and… …

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Random? Random, what are you doing?... What’s wrong?

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Are…are you the Angel of Death?

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Hmm. Robe, scythe, bones, ghostly presence, tricked-out speech bubble…Not sure who else I’d be, really. Sp-speech bubble? Don’t worry about it. By the way, get off the floor. You look ridiculous.

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You…you have to spare her. She wasn’t saved. Please…please, give me another chance to save her.

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You want me to spare Random? That’s certainly possible. Let’s play a little game. A…a game?

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That’s right. Do you see this? It’s Random’s soul. Now…

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Pick a hand. You’re deciding the fate of the girl’s soul based on a childish game?! That’s right. Pick a hand.

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Umm…right. Whose? Mine. No wait! Yours. Your right.

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Wrong. No…NO! She wasn’t saved! She wasn’t saved, she’ll go to Hell, oh God she’ll go to Hell!

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Please…PLEASE! I need another chance. I can’t lose…I can’t lose another…no…no…

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Wasn’t saved…she wasn’t…wasn’t saved. She’ll…she’ll go to Hell. Just like Ruth May. It’s just like Ruth May. I’ve…I’ve failed again.

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Persephone? Persephone, I need to talk to you.

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Please, Hades. Give up on this before you do something you’ll regret. Eros…What are you doing here?

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Listen to me Hades. You need to give Meadow more of a chance. I’m giving you all the help I can but these things take time! “These things”…Eros, what exactly are you talking about?

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Hades, you have to trust me. I’m only trying to make you happy. “These things take time”…Oh gods, you intervened, didn’t you?!

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Hades— You…you’re brainwashing us! You’re using your magic or whatever the Hell you call it to force Meadow and me to fall in love!

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And I could almost—almost!—understand messing with my mind…but you’ve dragged Meadow into this, and this is exactly what you said you wouldn’t do to Persephone! Please, Hades. I’m a powerful Archetype, but I can’t override the will of the Dreamer. But if you’d just give this plan a chance, you and Meadow can be happy together.

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Do you realize how incredibly stupid that is? You think you can just pair Meadow and me off so Persephone be “free from her tragic past” or whatever crap it is you’re trying to pull? Well you’ve hit one little snag, moron. I’m still in love with Persephone! No, you’re not! Bullshit!

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Hades, please just let this go. No! This whole plan of yours is sickening, and now you’re saying that I don’t love Persephone anymore—what, exactly, is going on?

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You can’t be in love with Persephone anymore. It isn’t possible, and I’m the authority on this sort of thing, so just trust me and let this go! You’re not making any sense! If I can’t be in love with Persephone, why do I still feel this way about her?

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Miserable! I know Persephone doesn’t want me, and I tried to like Meadow, but I feel like if I’m not with Persephone nothing will ever be right again. Feel what way? That…that can’t be right. Persephone is in college now, you shouldn’t be feeling anything romantic for her.

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She’s in college? Hades, I know what you’re thinking…

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…and it’s a terrible—damn, you’re quick.

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Shut up, Eros. Hello, Climax Taxi Service? I’d like a cab to Exposition University…I’m at the Townie Box…no, it doesn’t have an address. Just…trust me, you’ll find it. Listen, if you go after Persephone this won’t end well for you.

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Hades?

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Hades has gone to college, I’m afraid. Oh. Hi. Who are you, and where are your clothes? I’m—

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Hey, what have I missed, anything fun?

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It didn’t work, Marsha. Hades went to college. Oh hey. You’re totally going after him, right? Because you love him and junk. Also, it would get you out of this dump.

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You’re so right! I can totally win him over and stuff, you know? Wait, Meadow, don’t do anything rash here. I think maybe we’ve meddled too much in your life as it is, and—

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beep Dang. How does everyone get to the phone so fast? The phone’s pretty much the most important thing in a townie’s life. After a while, you get good at jumping for it.

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So what’s with the jammies? I thought nudity was part of your shtick. There are…certain things children don’t need to know. Oh, I gotcha. ‘Cuz you’re a walking metaphor for sex.

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Nathan… Nathan… Back at Nathan’s house, very early the next morning…

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Hmm? What? Random?! Nathan! I can’t stay for very long, so listen carefully; use the Ressurect-O-Nomitron to bring me back to life.

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Random, what are you talking about? Where are you?!

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Random! Nathan, listen to me! A while back you stole a crazy-looking phone from the cemetery, remember?

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I—I’d forgotten all about that! It’s still in your inventory, right? Get it out and pick it up. It’s a direct line to the Grim Reaper—ask him to bring me back to life!

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Th-this? Are you sure it isn’t sacrilege? It…it seems like this is supposed to be beyond mortal power, right? I have to go now, Nathan. Look, if you’re not going to bring me back, then at least give my body to one of my parents. I bet they’ll be willing to resurrect me. ‘Course, then you’ll have to explain how I mysteriously dropped dead right in front of you. While if you just resurrect me yourself, we can forget this ever happened. Anyway, ‘bye.

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H-hello? Death? Speaking. I’d like to bring Random Dent back from the dead. Can I…can I do that?

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Of course, Mister Price. How much would you like to pay? Wh-what? Oh…alright…I guess I’ll offer…uh…a thousand Simoleons? Is that…sufficient? I find I prefer it when the customer names their price for my services. Of course if the offer is insufficient I will let you know, but first make your offer. You will be billed automatically. Oh…you’ll know in a moment. Have a nice evening, Mister Price. *beep* What?

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SSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSS What’s *cough cough* what’s going on? *cough*

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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Random? *cough*

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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Random?! *cough cough* Is that you?

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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Oh *cough*…oh my God.

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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !

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DEMON! Get back, creature! ?

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You’ve come to punish me for failing Random, or to tempt me into further sacrilege, or maybe to carry me off to Hell right now. …

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Well I say be gone! Go back to Hell or wherever you came from, and stay away from me forever! The Lord protects me.

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The Lord protects me…and may he forgive me. …

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Late the following afternoon, a cabin somewhere in The Deep Dark Forest…

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Alright, focus. I need to focus. First priority, figure out where I am. I just woke up, so that’s probably why I can’t remember. It’ll come to me in a second. … Any second now. Seriously, any second. … No? Not coming to me? Alright. Crap.

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?!

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Oh Zark, that means somebody bathed me! What the Hell is going on here?

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Hello, Random.

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Don’t be alarmed. I’m a friend of your father’s. I left some soup on the counter for you.

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You don’t actually need to eat anymore, being dead, but trust me, this soup will do you a lot of good.

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? Don’t bother trying to speak. I’m sure you have questions, and I understand this is hard for you. Eat your soup, and I’ll try to explain what I can.

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I suppose I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is Gaia. I’m the goddess of the earth. I live in the Deep Dark Forest with a pack of wolves, and I’ve taken you to my cabin.

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This next part will be especially difficult for you, Random. I want you to know that I don’t think any less of you because of what you’ve become. You are not an abomination, or anything like that. You are the way you are thanks to some very powerful magic, yes, but magic is a part of nature. Just like everything else.

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There are plants growing within this very forest with some fascinating magical properties.

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In fact, one herb in particular has evolved a means of defending itself from other magic. Properly prepared, it can even be used to that dispel magic.

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It even works on the most powerful magic. Like, for example, the magic that keeps you alive. Or undead, rather. Don’t worry, it acts quite quickly.

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I know it hurts, dear, but it will all be over in a moment. Understand, this is all for the best. !