The Haynes Uglacy Redux 5

Slide 1: 

Vol. 5: Fantastical The Uglacy Haynes REDUX

Slide 2: 

“I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow till you love me, Papa, paparazzi. Baby, there’s no other annoying song, you know this will be, Your papa, paparazzi.” Haha, a perfect Christmas present! Hey, I love GaGa as much as the next GooGoo, but eventually Beyonce songs got annoying!! Other than that…if you think you’re ready for this jelly, get off your Video Phones, Single Ladies, and let’s get this Love Game rolling!

Slide 3: 

On the evergreen, overly-pixelated bad graphics of my game, the Haynes Uglacy strives forward, nevertheless. This is the view from their backyard. Make a nice Christmas card, other than the white view I got from my window. 1 foot of snow here in ole Virginia, US of A! You can’t drive more than five miles an hour without fishtailing like a salmon going upstream, but at least it’s pretty! Bah humbug? Maybe. I haven’t caffeine in two days, so byte me.

Slide 4: 

Argyle Haynes still works as a very dedicated Paramedic-Or-Something-Like-That. When he’s not doing resourceful things like this, he’s skilling or sleeping. He’s…boring.

Slide 5: 

Brick, spare-to-be, continues to be an unnecessary waste of household space. Brick: “*yawn* I must retire, I guess. Long day of taking care of my family and dutifully doing my chores tomorrow.” God, see what I mean? What an annoyance. Pfft. Suck-up.

Slide 6: 

Botony, however, does things that normal teenagers do, like skip school and ignore homework. I’m always pulled by the sycophants, I guess.

Slide 7: 

F&$*#$!#@ maid!! Do I pay you to break my stuff? Jonathan: “Duh…is a dishwasher supposed to steam like that?” *grumbles incoherently*

Slide 8: 

Frenchie: “Sacre bleu!! It tees ‘orrible sim playhing!” Shut up! We won the war!

Slide 9: 

Normally, chipmunk cheeks would give me some inclination of ugly, but this guy’s just fat. Botony went home with him after school. If he were thinner, he’d actually be pretty hot. Frenchie #1: “Zey say zat Spaneesh is the langwauge of love, no? Well, French is zee language of s—” OKAY, say BYE, Botony!

Slide 10: 

Yes, he does still wear his Egyptian cloak. Brick: “I shall embrace the day I go visit the Taj Mahal!” That monument is in India, numbskull.

Slide 11: 

Um…Argyle’s fixing the dishwasher. I have to give it to him, mind-controlling his tools to do it is impressive.

Slide 12: 

OOPS. Hehehehehe...guess we won’t have to buy a Christmas turkey! Argyle: “No ones laying a hand on my dark meat!” Gads…TMI, buddy.

Slide 13: 

KEVIN!!!!!1!!! *jigs* I thought I saw a pearly white flash! Kevin: “Oh, stick it. I just wanted some Cobbler.” *huggles* Kevin’s just my favorite sim. <3

Slide 14: 

Argyle gets promoted to level 5 and starts on his Medical Journals. Managing Malpractice? Is there something you’d like to tell me? “Well, I…uh…the little girl had a Polly Pocket up her nose and the only tool I had was a metal nail file!” *shakes head somberly*

Slide 15: 

Argyle settles down to have a father-daughter talk with Botony. Argyle: “So, um…have you met anybody yet, hon?” Botony: “No. You hardly let me out of the house.”

Slide 16: 

Botony: “Besides, Georgie wouldn’t be too happy with that.” Argyle: “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” …she evidently has a secret?

Slide 17: 

Um…this picture…just doesn’t make sense. Botony: “Jump on it! Jump on it!” Argyle: “Woo! This is DJ Arg still spinning the disks in The Kitchen, the hottest club cookin’ in all of Sunset Valley!” Marsha: “Damn it, I have important waffle-making to do and Boto-butt’s in my way!!!” …Boto-butt?

Slide 18: 

Marsha had just reached level 10 in the Athletic skill, so now she’s working on the challenges. She still needs about 200 kilometers for the Marathon Runner challenge. It’s supposed to give her a boost on her lifespan, so she’ll probably live until she’s 150. Seems a good reason as any. Marsha: “That, and I like the word “kill-o-meter”. Yeeeeah…moving on.

Slide 19: 

Marsha works to revive the garden. It was a secondary source of cash flow from when Kevin was around other than his fat checks as a Mad Scientist, but I hate seeing this empty plot of land every time I play. Marsha: “Ugh. Argyle’s the nerd. Why don’t you get to do this.” Because he, like most “simizens”, is busting his hump for the man. A.K.A “working”. You should try it sometime.

Slide 20: 

Proof that I wasn’t bull-crapping about that Marathon Runner thing. She’s just a fitness-junkie, what can I say. Although, it’s dedication when you’re running in high-heeled boots. Hope you got some Dr. Scholls gel-inserts in them. Are you gellin’? Marsha: “I’m sweating, hungry, and messing up my ‘hawk. Thanks for asking, though.” Is she using sarcasm against me?

Slide 21: 

Argyle still jams on his guitar every now and then. They have him running ragged shifts at the hospital, but he’s sure to keep the stress down. Eh, I like him. Yes, yes, I know. I’m a big mush. </3

Slide 22: 

What? You’re growing up to look exactly the same as an Adult? ....well, alright. Go water the plants when you’re done.

Slide 23: 

Since Botony’s favorite color is white and Brick’s pink (which I inconsiderably left out of the pattern because I’m just so damn jolly) I fashioned the room into what a Snobby, Athletic, Genius-y, Vegetarian girl would want. Brick: “Zzzz…I feel so unloved…zzzzz…” Tough cheese doodles.

Slide 24: 

*blinks* Nice show for the neighbors dear. You know, considering your Uncle Abstract lives right next door. “No, he doesn’t. He moved into the ole Roomies place. Now an old geezer and his pathetic wife live there.” Yeah, that makes the situation much better.

Slide 25: 

Speaking of Uncle Abstract, he’s still around. I think he’s still a bachelor, not sure. Anyway, the two twins had fallen out of friendship over Argyle’s rough schedule, but Argyle has to be the better half and want to reconcile. Man, where’s the hostility you both inherited from Twyla? -__-

Slide 26: 

Alas, the free house-space is nigh! Stop ogling the cake like a deranged hobo and blow the candles. Maybe you can hitch a cab before midnight. Brick: “I’m ecstatic to be growing older, but I feel…strangely empty.” No, you’re just hungry. Chow and hit the pavement, Bricks-For-Brains.

Slide 27: 

FISHY UNDERWEAR?? Brick: “Tee-hee! Something for you to remember me by!!” I…have no words for this. Maybe I’ll let Dr. Cox take over. “Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Chelsea’s Perspective. One: If someone’s standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called “Bring back the porn!” Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a sim — nay, respected as a man — is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.” (This beautiful dialogue is spoken by the one true angry jackass god, Dr. Cox [portrayed by the lovable John C. McGinley].)

Slide 28: 

In all impartial fairness, he’s allowed a farewell picture. Bye. Brick: “B-” BYE.

Slide 29: 

I give Botony an early Christmas present, which she uses to Solve the Unsolvable. Um, she still kind of sucks at it, but she’ll hone her skills in plenty of time. “Wait, what the hell does equivalent mean? And are those little numbers beside the big numbers supposed to mean anything?” Um…yeah. Chess Legend. Great.

Slide 30: 

Of course, she is just a jock at heart. “I smell like a unraveled mummy corpse, but I just can’t stop now!” That’s the spirit, dear. *pats head*

Slide 31: 

Why is Marsha standing on a hill in her swimsuit at night? Hell if I know, but guesses are she just completed the Marathon Runner challenge! Congrats! Marsha: “My feet feel like I’ve been wading through liquid cement in the baking hot sun. Crusty, hot, and smelling like spoiled Calamari. . . . ?

Slide 32: 

Snobs love mirrors. And I can’t help but indulge Botony sometimes. <3 Botony: “It must suck for you not to be me, huh? …yeah, I thought so.”

Slide 33: 

Botony loves to read, so I took her down to the bookstore before her shift as Mausoleum Clerk. She wanted to buy a Logic book and I got her Zombies? Zombies! and Llama Rights. Oh, she’s going to be the writer of the family.

Slide 34: 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! As much as I hate him, his fashion faux pas never cease to amuse me! Brick: “What are you talking about? This is the sophisticated attire of every self-appreciating male!” Yeah. Botony met him at the bookstore. Going to get a book on fish recipes for your wife and ten sons before you go tend the crops? Don’t forget to feed your horses!

Slide 35: 

OMG, we have a dining table! Wow, it’s been like 14 weeks into this legacy and they only now get to eat in the actual kitchen. With chairs and everything, it’s so fantastical! For yours and my sake, I will never use that word again.

Slide 36: 

And because you can’t have a legacy without the family alcoholic, I bought a bar to put in the gym. Argyle rolled the want to buy something worth 1000 simoleans and I thought paintings were just cheap LTH fodders. So after that morning on the treadmill, cool down with some Bailey’s Irish Cream and toast to good health!

Slide 37: 

We throw a birthday party for Botony! My little slacker’s finally growing up. *sniff*

Slide 38: 

Dot dot dot, question mark? It’s daylight and her grave’s not at Central Park. Creeeepy. Twyla: “Can’t I have a picnic in the park without people getting suspicious?” Not when it’s you. And the fact you’re all glowy and transparent may cause a riot.

Slide 39: 

Well, this was a bust. Turns out you can’t throw Birthday parties outside of the house, only Destination parties. Maybe I’m just a nOOb. Can’t get the birthday cake on the table, so we’re going to ditch once we entertain the guests. Hey, just because it’s the wrong occasion, it can still be the right friend persuasion! God, that joke sounded so much better in my head.

Slide 40: 

Not to mention, a bunch of old people were invited. This is all of Botony’s friends? Jesus, talk about pepophiles. And one of them even has a laptop! God, let’s get out of here….

Slide 41: 

Botony…let’s head back home. This party’s bombing… “One minute! Someone’s mocking me and there not giving me a Humiliated moodlet without something back from me!” BOTONY. HOME. NOW.

Slide 42: 

So…*sigh* the party resumes at the house.

Slide 43: 

Note to self: Smaller houses call for smaller guestlists. Note Twyla floating around, uninvited.

Slide 44: 

All in all, the party was the usual: foot tapping, dead-relatives’ ghosts, yummy cobbler. Let’s get the actual birthday, shall we?

Slide 45: 

Right. Blow out the candles. Come on. It’s kind of annoying that the growing up interaction takes about a hour to complete.

Slide 46: 

TWYLA. Get the HELL out of HERE!!!

Slide 47: 

Now, Botony’s all grown up (in a dress I wouldn’t wear to clean my cat’s litter box in, but I digress) and she has a LTW to be a Chess Legend. Her fifth trait is Workaholic. I randomized it, but it’s what I would’ve chosen anyway. I know I might have said she didn’t like to work, but that’s kind of the problem. She needs to like it to get anywhere in life. Am I sounding like a wet blanket? Pretty much.

Slide 48: 

Twyla’s becoming a nuisance. I mean, she was annoying when she was alive, but she’s worse in death! Gah! I’m going to ship you off to the cemetery, you glowing glutton! Twyla: “I am much entitled to this family as Kevin is, honey. Get used to it.” Guests in the party: “OhnoyouDIDn’t!”

Slide 49: 

Of course, I have tolerance for my more deserving ghosts. Even if they do like to mooch food and coffee.

Slide 50: 

I spruce Botony’s wardrobe up a bit to notice she reminds me of my history teacher. Strict hair, soccer-mom clothes, and that horse-face that never holds a smile for five minutes.

Slide 51: 

There’s no teacher job yet, sadly, but we sign up for the Journalism career. Botony: “You mean I sign up for the Journalism career while you sit on your tush and type.” And that’s how you’re here, isn’t it?

Slide 52: 

…why is your grandmother still here? Botony: “Is that what that glowy thing is? I thought it was the light through the window.” Twyla’s working overtime, it seems. I am not impressed.

Slide 53: 

I remodel Botony’s room again, because I can. She gets the most expensive bed. Argyle looks jealous. “But I don’t want to sleep in MY 10++ Energy bed, I want to sleep in HER 10++ Energy bed!!” Don’t go all Jet Chimeree on me.

Slide 54: 

Twyla, it’s daylight. “So? I’m not a vampire.” YOU’RE A #@!#$@ GHOST. “And??” *foams at the mouth*

Slide 55: 

“~Hey, would you like to risk your life to find some beetles in Egypt? A painting in France? A goat in China? How would you like to waste your valuable time at the Amateur Olympics or cooking stuff for our moocher Community School?” Opportunities are great, but not when you them EVERY FIVE $*@($*# MINUTES.

Slide 56: 

Twyla’s taken her annoyance to new levels. The tree is moving, although you can’t really see it in this picture. She likes the garden and I catch her at the park often. Normally, this wouldn’t piss me off so much, but later pictures will prove otherwise.

Slide 57: 

Marsha’s only one promotion away from her LTW (Pro Sports Star) and she’s already maxed her Athletic. I can’t help but love her. She’s obedient and crazy.

Slide 58: 

Figures. When Twyla’s tired, she bunks on the other family members’ beds or mooches coffee. WHY won’t you go back in your GRAVE??

Slide 59: 

Botony begins her writing career with a Non-Fiction work entitled My Grandmother, the Ghost. “Scientists have for ages tried to prove and disprove the existence of supernatural phenomena such as spirits. I have recovered evidence from my very own backyard. No, ghosts do not just glide through walls and possess material objects; they seem to have an addiction to caffeine and pestering their makers. In fact, I’m writing this story for something to do to await Grandma Twyla to finish her nap on my bed.”

Slide 60: 

Think she’s kidding? Seems like you could GO INTO YOUR GRAVE TO SLEEP. Twyla: “Zzzzz…Omni-Voice torture is fun…zzzzz…” Hey, would you like to move to the park? Twyla: “Kevin would hate you…and you wouldn’t want to move Kevin with me.” asdfghkl; STOP USING LOGIC AGAINST ME.

Slide 61: 

Twyla: “Hey, son…I was just fertilizing your plants.” Argyle: “I see nothing…just the neighbor’s floodlight. Nothing at all.” Grim Reaper, I want a refund!! I rather have Twyla ALIVE than this!!

Slide 62: 

Marsha: “OMG I’M SO EXCITED TO GROW UP TO LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!!!”

Slide 63: 

Twyla: “Happy birthday, homewrecker!” *slams head on keyboard*

Slide 64: 

“Good God, I need a drink.” Shake one up for me, honey. “You’re underage.” When has that ever stopped me? “O___o” Kidding. I’ve never drank in my life. We all know it’s just ju— “Sweetie, if the fizz takes up three-fourths of the glass, it ain’t no damn juice.”

Slide 65: 

Dear Ghostbusters, Hey! I’ve got one for you! Mind you, she’s a crazy, so I’m enclosing a list of supplies you might need: -Taser -Duct tape -a few extra pairs of underwear -a steak (to, you know, bait her out) -a leash -a bag of Cheetos In EAxis’s name, Omni-Voice

Slide 66: 

Have I included enough pictures of how annoying she is? She gets in everyone’s way. Sadly, no one even uses the disgusted “A Ghost!” interaction anymore.

Slide 67: 

Mourn, dear son. Argyle: “WAAAAAH!!! I’D FORGOTTEN MOM’S A BRUNEEETE!!! There, there. Fortunately, that seemed to curb Twyla’s appearances.

Slide 68: 

Although, if she ever did come out to haunt again, well this 3+ Energy bed is always open for her. *snicker*

Slide 69: 

Botony finishes her first novel! She looks smug about it. Botony: “Well, not everybody can be smart AND pretty.” *cough* HORSEFACE *coughcough*

Slide 70: 

Marsha’s checklist before leaving for work: --shower --go to the bathroom --TURN THE FREAKIN STOVE OFF I’m sure that’s how a lot of household fires start in America.

Slide 71: 

Hey, thanks for arriving thirty minutes after the maid extinguished the fire! You’ve been a big help! “Be more careful next time.” Be more ON TIME next time.

Slide 72: 

Albeit, this is before I put the bed next to the grave. But, Botony’s face just says it all.

Slide 73: 

We travel to the library to suck in some culture. Alas, you are not that ugly. Egyptian Cloak Guy: “Good. My wife doesn’t think so either.” Right, right….

Slide 74: 

Marsha: “They got rid of my mohawk.” Yeeeeeeppppers!!! She’s reached her LTW!! With style, I might add. Marsha: “This pinstripe makes me look like a striped plum.” Well, go on the treadmill then.

Slide 75: 

She rolled a wish to paint, so I figured, why not? I get her the Extra Creative LTH. I’m not quite positive what it does yet, but I guess it increases the funds we get for selling them.

Slide 76: 

I take Botony downtown sometimes just to rummage through people’s garbage. It’s a way to get the scoop on someone without having to do all those pesky interviews and crap.

Slide 77: 

I get impatient with the mounds of trash she collected, so we head down to the park to write an article. I called it “Rummaging: Illegal Dumpster-Diving”. Meanwhile, I scope the town for prospective mates.

Slide 78: 

I know I shouldn’t get too excited over this guy because the cheeks could be just fat, but…we have a problem. Like in Candi020765’s Sims 3 Uglacy, everybody’s frickin OLD. I know it isn’t such an issue because we have a girl heir this time, but AHHHH. It’s making me nervous. I’m starting to question whether story progression was such a good thing. The clock can’t tick without a battery, you know? The hospital needs a sperm bank. Oh, by the way, this is Eloy Prather.

Slide 79: 

I also found the magician, but of course, he’s not ugly at all. I do admire his courage to show up to the park with make-up on. He has blue eye-shadow.

Slide 80: 

Someone randomly dies in the park as well. We didn’t know him, so we don’t care.

Slide 81: 

Marsha becomes a Sports Legend and then some. Marsha: “The color yellow makes me chaff.”

Slide 82: 

Argyle also maxes his guitar skill with no help from me. He likes to sneak off to play it afterhours until he passes out. Argyle: “This goes out to all my sim ladies! You better not shout, You better no cry… You better not pout, I’m telling you why… Chelsea has the Sledgehammer tool out.”

Slide 83: 

Argyle spies on the stars, getting his ninth logic skill. Argyle: “Hehe…naughty star, yes it is. Shine bright for daddy.” Okaaaay…

Slide 84: 

Botony quits her job and decides to start on her LTW. She invites over chess opponents, looking for potential spouses. Unfortunately, we’re getting a bunch of old people. I don’t know Botony to be the hit and run type, but I’m running out of options.

Slide 85: 

We beat him and then I feel guilty because he just lost his wife. Did you have ANY kids? Ugly kids? *cries*

Slide 86: 

I start a party for no reason. I’m getting desperate people. I’m like an ugly addict. We had to cut the party short though, in order to pry two sims apart. It took a lot of pulling and Crisco, but we managed to continue without a hitch.

Slide 87: 

Sorry about the graphics, my computer was being an f-word. But nevertheless…I’m hoping that those chubby cheeks aren’t just fat.

Slide 88: 

Rummaging…through your own trash? “Mr. Lefty threw away my hair gel.” You mean, you threw away your hair gel. “Mr. Lefty is EVIL and I’m INSANE. Not a good combination, chipolata.” …don’t call me that.

Slide 89: 

Now for the traditional one day relationship. What you do if you want to be completely neurotic like me and HAVE to get them married before the world ends, is spam a thousand romantic interactions until you get the jackpot socials. When the sim’s special other thinks they are being very alluring, they can Confess Attraction. They are now a Romantic Interest. Sims can only Propose when the other sim thinks they are being extremely irresistible, as well as have premarital Woohoo like my sims always do. It goes from Romantic Interest, to Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Fiancé, then Husband/Wife.

Slide 90: 

WHY CAN’T I EVER THEIR LIPS TOUCHING??? Ahem. Okay, control yourself, Chels…

Slide 91: 

Like I said, I’m neurotic. No, I didn’t press Try For Baby…

Slide 92: 

LIE. I did. =D What? They’re getting married in like three minutes.

Slide 93: 

Horse-face and chipmunk cheeks. Stats for Eloy: Traits: Workaholic, Loves the Outdoors, Friendly, Over-Emotional, Clumsy Food: Hot Dogs Color: Pink Music: Indie

Slide 94: 

Botony: “Hey, we’ve known each other for a full four hours…let’s get married!” Eloy: “OMGYESSHOTGUNWEDDING!!”

Slide 95: 

So they had five minute nuptials, signed both of their pre-nups in blood, and now they are happily married. Awww.

Slide 96: 

ZOMG NURSERY TIME!!! Hey, I’m getting better at this design thing!

Slide 97: 

So, since Eloy sounds so country, he becomes a farmer. “Lemme guess. I’m on gardenin’ duty?” Well…Argyle is kind of old. “Don’ sweat it, bun. I’d be happy to.” Um…thanks. … *is confused* Sorry, I’m not used to Friendly sims.

Slide 98: 

Well, Argyle doesn’t prepare meat meals so much anymore, so I’m guessing you’re pregnant. “Nooooo. The sadistic chimes of the lullaby wasn’t enough of a clue?” Hey, you ever heard of a swirly?

Slide 99: 

Woo! One hundred slides! Milestone! “Woo friggin hoo. You get a baby bump.” Works for me!

Slide 100: 

Cheap, EAxis. The World Renown Surgeon costume’s the same as Mad Scientist. “With matching cow-fondling gloves.” HUSH.

Slide 101: 

I’m sorry, I really did go overboard this chapter with pictures. Think of it as a little Christmas present. I know, right…what a present! Anyway, I wanted to show you the house. We have more than 60k now, but I’m too lazy to remodel. Meh.

Slide 102: 

I added an extra bedroom leading from Botony and Eloy’s bedroom. No one’s ever smart enough to go to the basement one, but I’m thinking about just getting rid of it and turning it into a…something. Ugh, it’s 8pm on Christmas Day. I’m starting a chocolate hangover. D=

Slide 103: 

“They’re going to start taxing you for this amount of pictures, man.” See? Kevin’s a GOOD ghost. He just likes to play on the computer and drink coffee. But Twyla hasn’t bothered us in a while. I guess that bed outside of her grave kind of insulted her. “I think she’s just upset that it’s not a double bed.” Well, tough Toaster Strudels for her.

Slide 104: 

Time for a party! Argyle’s turning Elder today. God, time just goes by so fast in sim world. It seems like only yesterday I was yelling at Twyla to change your diaper.

Slide 105: 

Abstract: “Hey, bro. Thanks for keeping in touch with me all these years.” Argyle: “Sorry. Omni-Voice barely keeps me off her leash.” HEY. *flicks his nose*

Slide 106: 

Enjoy the last glass of Adulthood. “Well, I hardly have to pee, or shower, or eat, so I’m pretty satisfied.” Yes, it’s true. I gave him all the mood LTRs. Steel Bladder, Dirt Defiant, Hardly Hungry, and Meditative Trance Sleep. The last one only cuts back 2 hours of how long your sim sleeps, so it’s a bit overestimated to be a 30,000(or more) point reward.

Slide 107: 

And, he sets to blow out the candles…

Slide 108: 

And turns into Ricky Ricardo. Awesome.

Slide 109: 

Why do all the elders look the SAME? I want some UNIQUENESS DAMMIT. Anyway, Abstract did not get married and/or have kids. Brick, however, did. He had married Ericka Dixon and fathered a son, SomethingStartingWithAnE. Do I care? Not really.

Slide 110: 

Right. Eloy comes home from his new job in the Culinary career, goes to bed. BUT THEN, he gets up and comes to pass out in the new nursery. WTF?? You can’t pass out on your BED? Not to mention, that whole arm-through-his-stomach thing looks uncomfortable.

Slide 111: 

Nice fish face. “BAAAABY!!!!” I see that.

Slide 112: 

Marsha: “Could you like GET OUT of my way?? I want to go talk to myself in kitchen.” Botony: “Sor-ry. It’s not like I’m about to birth your grandchild out of my loins or anything.” Marsha: “Well, don’t mess up the kitchen floor with it!” GUYS. Come on! Hospital! MOOOOOVE.

Slide 113: 

Meet Canvas, a Good, Virtuoso boy that likes Classical music, Stir Fry, and the color Irish Green. And that’s where we’ll stop—FINALLY. Bye and have a safe and merry Christmas!!