The Haynes Uglacy REDUX--Vol. 4

Slide 1: 

Vol. 4: Scrooge You The Uglacy Haynes REDUX

Slide 2: 

Yes, yes. That’s quite enough Mean-Spirited threats. Welcome back to the Uglacy that spit in your eggnog behind your back, the Haynes Uglacy! “Yeah…’spit in’. Good cover for what it actually did.” Would you like to recap us, Marsha Cheer? “Gladly.”

Slide 3: 

“I had another brat and Creator named it Botony of all things, which isn’t even spelled right—” I had a brainfart, okay? “I’m narrating these slides, shut your trap!” Fine, fine. Shutting. *zips lips* “Right. Ahem, anyway…I had Botony and the blue diaper filler on the floor is Brick. As you see, somebody put something in Creator’s eggnog when she named these. Awesome, right? And my dimwit husband, Argyle, is still in his gay apparel. But he got the better outfit, I might add…”

Slide 4: 

“Let’s just be glad the Tombstone of L and D isn’t in this game. Yet.”

Slide 5: 

“Botony grew up bald and in corduroys. That pretty much summed up her infanthood that I cared about for the most part. … …can I work out now? The more I’m out of these threads is more time I’m an obedient mother.” Fine, fine. Go. I’ll take over.

Slide 6: 

I quickly remedied the fashion faux pas with a monkey shirt for the monkey. She won’t be in any beauty pageants this year, I think. That could be a nice feature in the game: Overbearing mothers painting their five-year-olds faces with oil and stripping away any innocence they may have! Joy! Yes, I am in a bad mood. How did you guess?

Slide 7: 

But to put further aggressions behind me, I calmed down with some Christmas downloading. Pretty lights and a tiny tree that looked bigger on the site preview. Hey, but that’s life, ain’t it? Knowing the gist of the family tree could be as easy as reading the previous chapters, but I’ll give the gift of light recapping, I guess. Kevin Haynes died, leaving Argyle the reigns of the household. He married Marsha Ursine and had two little ankle-biters, Brick and Botony. Although, a glitch that happens every time you go into create-a-sim through the mirror and dresser revs their ages back to the beginning. I’m now on a specific time limit when I just age the parents up. I’ll say when Botony turns child, I’ll grow up the parents. Eh, no promises though. >___> <___< Noooo promises.

Slide 8: 

Marsha’s in the Athletic career now, as her LTW is to be a Professional Athletic Supporter, or something. “Shall I make a witty, disturbing analogy to that inaccuracy?” Does Banned4Lyfe mean anything to you? At all?

Slide 9: 

Botony’s slowing becoming a favorite though. I don’t know, she just has spunk. “Bottaw me or the crib bahrs are coming ofh!” She’s a Genius and Athletic like her mother.

Slide 10: 

For shame, Argyle. Seriously, he never bothers with clothes around this house. “Do you not see the Smelly thought bubble piercing my noggin?” Do you not see the bags under my eyes? I clicked on your moodlet. I expect you to dish out the action. But you can’t just expect people to do them, can you?

Slide 11: 

Though, other than the evident Christmas cheer afoot in the household, everything is still morbidly the same. Brick: “Could you at least call me Brickson? Really, am I named after building material? Is my kid going to be named Concrete?” Who said you were having kids? Shut up, you overly articulate Argyle-clone.

Slide 12: 

And I can see why Marsha’s so pissed though. Ouch! Door through your face! “Can I grow up this brat so I can pluck the splinters out of my neck?”

Slide 13: 

Here’s Brick doing a great impression of the mummy on his shirt. “YAAAAAAWN—woo, it’s been cramped in that crib. I’m so sore from growing from 3 to 7 in a minute.” I’m growing a beard playing you, myself. In addition to his first two traits, Clumsy and Virtuoso, he is now a Technophobe. Because I neglected him. Excu-use me, who feed you, watered you, and snuggled so you’d shut the #$@)#$ up during the night?

Slide 14: 

Ice cream with cake? You have school tomorrow, sugar fiend. “So it seems. This is not ice cream, but air I am eating. I may be anorexic, don’t you know?” That problem has persisted the last two games, chickadee. Fake people eating fake food. It’s the laws of physics, isn’t it?

Slide 15: 

New toddler/child interactions. So cute I could barf. Brick: “My, she smells like a manure factory!” Botony: “And you smell wike sweat…” Brick: “Excuse that, dear sibling. I was working out to the catchy mating call that is named ‘Single Ladies’.” O___o Somebody’s gettin’ a leotard for their birthday.

Slide 16: 

Argyle gets into the Medical career. I decided I was too new to the game to try for the big LTWs, so we’ll save Jack of All Trades for later. He’s going to attempt being a World Rebounded Plastic Surgeon. “Uh, Creator…you actually do know the name of my LTW…” Yeah, but what fun is that?

Slide 17: 

AHEM. Argyle, I told you to feed the kids. “Soo…sweaty…” *headpalm*

Slide 18: 

Marsha: “What in tarnation?” Don’t you like it? “Why is it purple?” It’s Lilac. “WHY is it PURPLE?” LILAC is Argyle’s favorite color. “…?” Yes. It’s true. You married a metrosexually repressed man. “Like K-” ANYWAY—moving on.

Slide 19: 

Doesn’t this look like something from A Christmas Story. Marsha: “Yeah, but that leg had sexy fishnet—” Bah, bah, bah! Child in the room! Ixnay on the sexnay! “Bitemay on the arsenay.”

Slide 20: 

This is all Brick does in his freedom. Don’t you have homework to do? I mean, your parents sacrifice their sleep and eating habits just so you two brats can get an education— Wait…where the hell is Argyle, anyway?!

Slide 21: 

Argyle! You are SUPPOSED to be setting an EXAMPLE!! “Splashy! Where’s my rubber ducky, Marshy-baby?” Marsha: “In here next to the knives and sink hose.”

Slide 22: 

Um…a little early to be sitting on the john right now, don’t you think? “Bran moves through me really fast…” Evidently.

Slide 23: 

RANDOM REALIZATIONS: The maids are very pretty in this game. But they SUCK. Mollie Lambert: “I suck more than this straw honey….” Good. Hook your mouth to the vacuum hose then. The kitchen could use a scrubbin’.

Slide 24: 

…what? Botony: “Dis isn’t food.” Uh, pretend it is. Botony: “Taste wike it’s already been eaten.” Pretty much.

Slide 25: 

Argyle: “Ugh! Botony farted!” Botony: “Dat’s whatcha get for feedin’ me s-” BIRTHDAY TIME! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Please don’t get me banned, Botony, age of two!

Slide 26: 

Argyle: “Hey, Abstract! What’s up?” Uh, Argyle…your kid’s growing up… Argyle: “Yeah, I wish I had a car…” Worst birthday ever.

Slide 27: 

Well, the tongue-in-chin is staying, I gather? Botony: “Not unless you have pliers and sewing equipment handy.” I’ll take that as a yes. She’s gets Snob as a third trait. Some sim players think that’s back, but I actually like Snobs. They amuse me. Maybe Brick would amuse me, too, if he would actually show some dislike toward technology.

Slide 28: 

Well, the dishwasher broke, so Argyle’s butt was in the way of the kids’ bedroom door. So, what did Brick do? He went all the way to the back of the house to get in his bed from the other side of the wall. He’s definitely not a Genius, fo sho.

Slide 29: 

ARGYLE. At least put a frackin’ SHIRT on before you READ in your child’s BED!

Slide 30: 

Once in a while, Marsha will go spastic and jolly around insulting people. Even her own daughter. “God, what’s with the pig-tails? Are you tryin’ out for Pippi Longstocking?” “WAAAAH THIS HOUSE IS NICELY DECORATED”

Slide 31: 

Dent. In. Cheek. It’s loooooveeeeely…@.@ Ugly didn’t betray me, folks.

Slide 32: 

Mr. Lefty: “Beloved Marsha, when will you leave that pedophile husband of yours and marry me?” Marsha: “The way I love you is treasured and banned4lyfe in most Sims 3 websites…”

Slide 33: 

Mr. Righty: “Don’t listen to the left-brain, I am the one you should be with!” Mr. Lefty: “No, my love, he is no good for you…I can ple—” OH LOOK! It’s the arrow button! Click it! Cliiiick it!

Slide 34: 

Ahem. Why is it that I get a new maid like every three days? Is there a maid-serial killer in the neighborhood? What do you think, Mr. Magoo? Mr. Magoo: “Uh, my name’s—” Answer the question, Mr. Magoo. *evil eye* Mr. Magoo: “Uh…I…duh…I plead the fifth!” Riiiiight.

Slide 35: 

Hehehehe…she’s in Christmas colors WITHOUT me changing her! If that’s not a provocation for heirship, I don’t know what is. Sorry, Brick. “Hmph. You look too complacent.” No, really. I’m crushed.

Slide 36: 

He’s getting his final Cooking skill…here it goes…here it goes…

Slide 37: 

I had to coffee him up and threaten him with a mallet, but he finally did it! Second skill maxed in the game. Maybe I’ll go for all of them, I don’t know. The ones that came with World Adventures just sound tough.

Slide 38: 

I finally got sick of the jagged edge lines from my graphics card. I need to get a RAM upgrade, I guess. Anyway, Brick’s beginning to get a little flabby. Notice him rockin’ one of the new shirts from WA. As for vacations, well, the family budget doesn’t rise above 5k in this house because…*Intervention music*…I’m a compulsive sim buyer. Soon as I get the funds to afford something shiny and better than what they already have, I’m buying it. Like if I already have a good shower, I’ll still buy a better one if I can. So, I’ll be lucky if I get this family to vacation during Gen. 3 or 4.

Slide 39: 

Argyle dutifully increases his logic skill for his work. He’s now a Bed Pan Cleaner or Paramedic in this picture, not sure. He finds stars and gets money for them. Right now, he’s got a blue dwarf (which I named Smurf) and a white star (which I named Cocaine*). Hopefully, we can catch a meteor! *Cocaine Chimeree, product of Chisagi’s Chim-Chim-Cheree Rainbow Legacy! Love it! Give it a gander!

Slide 40: 

Brick tries to get in my good books by autonomously doing homework and other responsible things. Pfft. “Why, an education is the best foundation to any successful life, Omni-Voice!” Then, why did so many famous stars drop out of school to follow their successful paths? “Well—” Do you not know the meaning of a rhetorical question?

Slide 41: 

Brick is ready to pursue his next stage in life…*yawn* Go on, then, boy.

Slide 42: 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Hello, Joseph. Going to bring the flocks and herds to comfort Mary? “Nativity jokes? That’s really low.” Are you wearing pants under that thing? *cries from laughter* He gets Great Kisser as a fourth trait! *falls on the floor, cackling*

Slide 43: 

This is was surprisingly sweet. Marsha came in to check on her kids. Marsha: “And visions of baseballs were swinging in his head…”

Slide 44: 

Marsha: “Yes, you could afford to drop a few pounds.” Okay, we get it Marsha. Now it’s kind of creepy.

Slide 45: 

Out of sheer boredom, I got her to Troll On a Forum. Whatever could she be writing, I wonder? Re: The Haynes Uglacy REDUX: Vol. 3 (Updated 12/5) by EvrythingJustSux on December 14th, 2009, 10:00 am god, this was such a BORE. you are a terrible legacy writer, you suck, my life sucks and you’re going to suffer because you SUCK SUCK SUCK #E*@)($*@)$#(@*$)@*U@*)$Y*)@%Y@(%@*YT)(#Y*(U@#$

Slide 46: 

Brick tries to win brownie points by serving up waffles for the entire family. GRRRR stop making me kind of like you!! Brick: “What? I enjoy serving my family with hospitality and demure servitude!” You will NEVER be heir. NEEEEVEEEER. *hisses*

Slide 47: 

What? We’re on the ninth level in Athletic already? I swear, if she’s not at work, she’s exercising. Come on, then. Two days off work. Let’s max a third skill!

Slide 48: 

She was so close……so close….. And then her phone rang. To put up an Opportunity of a bake sale for the school. Yeah, Community School for the Gifted? Have you seen this mother?

Slide 49: 

Checking for pancreas cancer? See anything, Botony? “Um…weird looking syringes filled with yellow stuff…” O____O MARSHA!!!

Slide 50: 

Mmmm…smells like E. Coli. Someone get the toast off the floor! Honestly…I will have to renovate the kitchen soon, evidently.

Slide 51: 

Well, I was screwing around with different outfits. I decided that this just screamed Marsha. It almost looks like a model strut, especially with that mohawk. The belt with the shorts is supposed to be orange, but the game glitched and wouldn’t show it. Stupid thing.

Slide 52: 

And so, we try again for the gold. Come on, Marsha…you can do it…you can do it…

Slide 53: 

“Mr. Lefty says it time for a shower.” Yes, yes, she finally does it!! Athletic guru. The first in my game! *siiiigh* I suck so much at this…

Slide 54: 

Argyle’s still a paramedic. You are going to have do some major butt-kissing, buddy. You do have to admit, he does a fair Yeti impression.

Slide 55: 

A crustacean delight for our crusty civilian. Eat up and then go man the telescope. “Alien abductions are borked in this game. No stereotypically evil/ridiculously nice green people for you.” *sigh* I knooooow. No bug eyes or no-nose features, I’m afraid.

Slide 56: 

Time for young Botony to age. Please be ugly…please be ugly…

Slide 57: 

FAIL. Dammit, Botony! “I know. I’m hot, aren’t I?” *insert swear words here*

Slide 58: 

Well, I’m still nerding you up a bit, Genius. She gets Vegetarian as a fourth trait. Haha…Botany, the Vegetarian. “You still FAIL. You not only FAIL, but you 3PIC F@IL.” SHUT UP, YOU PRETTY ABOMINATION. So, uh, Brick’s heir, it seems.

Slide 59: 

Brick: “I’m heir? Really?” Hehehehe…no. I just wanted to see what you had to say. Brick: “So…she’s heir anyway…and she’s pretty?” Well, we need ugly and I know a LOT of potential ugly men in the town. On the plus side, she does carry Twyla’s high nose and Marsha’s strict chin. Botony: “Well, us girls have to stick together.” Ain’t it the truth.

Slide 60: 

Marsha just home from winning a game, 16-0! Wow, that other team must have sucked. Marsha: “Do you doubt my abilities?” No. >___> Not at all.

Slide 61: 

Being a Snob, Botony’s usually talking about movies and, surprise, herself. “I think I could be the next Jennifer Aniston. And you could be the next Mel Gibson.” Brick: “Stop it. *sniff* Stop being mean to me.” “I’m the heir, I think I’m entitled for some superior bullying power.” “Make her stop, Omni-Voice!” *munches on Pop-Tart* Stop what? She’s just being…Botony. “WHIIIINE”

Slide 62: 

Good always conquers evil, it seems. Argyle’s always rolling wants to donate to charity. He is a sweet husband. As Kevin was. *wipes away tear*

Slide 63: 

Botony rolled the want for a part-time job, so I got her one in as a mausoleum clerk. What sims are selling at mausoleums, I really don’t want to know.

Slide 64: 

I invited over one of her friends, swearing it was a boy with a girls name from her UI picture. I got my hopes up. The last name Bunch screamed ugly potential to me.

Slide 65: 

Brick wants to get in shape, so I indulge him from the rare goodness of my heart. Although, I don’t think the zombie walk’s going to do anything for you, dear.

Slide 66: 

This face is going to be a pattern the next two chapters. Beware. Brick: “The treadmill has betrayed me!!!” Holding the rails might prove fruitful. I swear, he’s just not that bright.

Slide 67: 

Argyle, this is not Time Square. “So?” PUT A $(@(#$*(@)# SHIRT ON.

Slide 68: 

Brick is definitely dumb as a brick. Do we need to put you back in diapers? He sat there with the same thought bubble for five minutes before I finally just had to click on the toilet.

Slide 69: 

KEEVIIIIN!! It’s almost six am and I have noticed he was here until I saw the A Ghost! queue in Brick’s panel. Kevin: “Come on, little pixelated dude! Make this goal or I’m coming in after you!” Yep, still the same dopey Kevin.

Slide 70: 

Brick: “Ewwww…70 slides…end this already.” Bite me. Anyway, I guess we’ll depart for this chapter. See you next time for skills, promotions, and ugly watching. See you next time simmers! … Okay, Brick you can stop now. That’s creepy.