Haynes 6

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Gen. 3 Gen. 2 The Haynes Uglacy 6.0: Green!!!

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Many thanks to fans of this worldwide trademark (snicker). Feedback has been well-received and really pulls on my heartstrings…*tear* Okay, I know you don’t want to read my rambling, so let’s get going. Thanks!!

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The Haynes Uglacy 6.0: “The Sims 3? The Sims 3!!!!” Hello, again, simmers. I’ve overcome the Error 5 worries by adding my chapters to Authorstream. Who knows, the exchange could be working again, now. Whatever. I’m kind of mad at the site, anyway. My opening slide is going to be James, the spare with the tendency to be a smart@$$. Where we last left off, Gary had just graduated from La Fiesta Tech and met his love to carry on the next gen., while James chilled in the Sim Bin. Keeping in tradition to many an uglacy, I’m going to marry off my spares to pretty sims. James is not particularly lucky, because I’ve chosen a notorious nuisance in many legacies, prettacies, and now an uglacy created by a vengeance-ridden EphemeralToast that hasn’t been updated in almost a year. I want to see what happens to spoiler, spoiler, and spoiler!!! Uh, were we talking about something? I forget.

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Bella: “Do I really need an intro? I AM the most popular one of all these idiotic peons.” Yes, you get along quite well with James. They will marry and just reside in this house until I need extra room for my expanding family and decide to kill them off. Bella: “Marry? Over my number-one face and perfect body!!” I could arrange that.

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Aww…aren’t you two the Bonnie and Clyde type. James: “I’m very much pleased of your generosity, DP. She carries a bountiful pair of…green-smilies.” *rolls eyes*

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I actually used the Sim Mod because I’m lazy and hate these two. No other reason than that. James: “I’ve fallen in love over your…green smilies and wish to fondle—” PROPOSE AND STFU, JAMES.

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The wedding guests have arrived, the whole Haynes gang bang. Herum Lament, who went to school with Gary and James and is still holding onto the Greek House, is set to carry on the prettacy I didn’t document. I’m just lazy. Gary, the 3rd gen. heir, comes to enjoy the frivolity and family bonding. Gary: “Screw that. Where’s the bubble blower?” Be patient, Bandana Man.

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James readies the buffet that no one even touched the whole time because they were getting their kicks on the stupid bubble blower. But wouldn’t that be a delight at a wedding? Turkey and gelatin…mmm, mmm good. Why don’t you prepare that in a smoothie, James? James: “Would you prefer that with cyanide or mercury?”

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Really, what is in these bubbles that you enjoy so much that you have to miss out your brother’s wedding? Even the bride’s sucking them back. Gary: “James gets to marry the pretty one!! I need some RELIEF.” Get off the $*@($*@ thing before I download a triplet/quadruplet mod.

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Ugh, let’s get this over with. Should I make a crack about how James is wearing virgin white and Bella’s wearing not-so-virgin black? No. That would be mean.

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No red rings? What are you hiding, Bella? Bella: “I’m thinking about the honeymoon.” *shivers* You’ll really Woohoo anything, will you?

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Oh, there’s the red halo. Bella: “Pretty knife…” You don’t want to do anything rash, Bella. … …what the hell am I saying? KILL HIM!! KILLLLL HIM!!!!

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Oh, you stupid @(#@)#. Olive Specter came for the festivities. I have two additions for your yard, Ms.. Olive: “No, thanks. Those two would be worse dead than alive.” True, true.

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Little dancing and smooching and eyeball gouging… Dear God, is this over yet?

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Oh, finally some entertainment. Olive: “I’ve been looking for a girl in a white dress for my collection.” Demented Barbie doll ghosts…coming to a Walmart near you.

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Can I leave? Now? Pleeeeease? *stamps feet on ground like a bratty child* James: “For the love of Potty God, get out of this house, then!!”

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Taylor: “DP, haven’t you the decency to change him in some proper clothes?” Hmmm… …not really no.

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Boy, watch where you put that knee!!! Gary: “*snickers* Some glitches I can’t help but love…”

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Gary: “Why did James get a fancy wedding and we didn’t?” Because I’m tired of weddings and you’re perma-platinum anyway. Get to makin’ me a baaaa—

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Didn’t need to tell these two twice. Laurena: “You didn’t do a sim bio on me.” Eh, I’m still mad about Sandy. Laurena is a Knowledge sim with a bunch of personality points and skills. I haven’t even check her LTW. ARGH unorganization makes me break out in hives. ANAL-RETENTIVE EDIT: (Hehe…I said anal…) Name: Laurena Haynes (nee Bradley) Aspiration: Used to be Knowledge, I didn’t like her LTW, so I changed it to Popularity. LTW: It is to be Become City Planner, but now it’s Celebrity Chef. Zoe’s already topped that career.

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Whatever. Make a child. And, uh, don’t toast it with those fireworks. *cue risqué Prince song of your choice*

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Let’s get some variety this generation. Signal Aliens, is this? I forget that benefit name. …stop smiling. It’s creepy. Gary: “Me haaaaaaapy…” You won’t be after I’m done with you.

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Laurena meditates. Laurena:“Dionewionbosonwiobneiwnobwineobnwio… What the chili con carne does that mean? Laurena: “It’s my chant…it means ‘To release my soul from the binds of legacy-life…’” …you scare me.

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This looks redundant. Taylor: “I bet it’d look better in a new kitchen. Hint, hint, DP?” Soon, Spandex Boy.

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This needs no comment. XD

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Gary was just promoted to Science Teacher in the Science Career, his second LTW. He has all his skills, all he needs is friends. He celebrates by picking his nose. Digging for gold?

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Laurena pops into a maternity outfit. Have you seen the pregnancy clothes in the Sims 3? Well improvement, I say. And the gradual thing is just…awesomesauce.

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Second baby bump. Not much happening the household, so I have it on Ultra-Speed.

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I have Gary hunt for aliens aside from the Energizer. Come on green dudes…he might just be a dork in bandana and Goopy-shorts that I’m too lazy to change, but he’s a full-functioning sim…

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Oh, they listened. Birth Queen: “Oh, yes, we have found a new specimen. Put more coal into the Probulator, Qzzyr…” Qzzyr: “Why do we still use human coal when we have radioactive space dust, my Queen?” BQ: “Well, their all against using the fossil fuels…fire it up before I land you over the North Sea, slave.” Qzzyr: “Yes, mistress.” Gary: “Something tells me I’m gong to be losing a few organs.” And gaining a pod. *cackles manically*

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Gary: “TELL MY FATHER, MOTHER, BROTHER, AUNT, GRANDPA, AND MY COUSIN TWICE REMOVED I LOOOOOOOVE THEEEEEM!!!!!!!!”

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Birth Queen: “You have any aces?” Gary: “No…go fish—OOOOWWWW! That was my toe!!!” Qzzyr: “That bumbling baboon Gage Uglacy* had no problem with it.” (*Gage Uglacy of Candi020765’s Uglacy.)

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BQ: “Happy trails to you, my human follower…” Gary: ‘Human follower’? BQ: “Yes. When you give birth, please be sure to mail our probe back.” Gary: “But-but…there’s no Fed Ex Galaxy mailing order!!”

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Gary: “Well, I think I found the probe.”

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Gary: “That was weird. Hey… *rummages in pockets* WHERE’S MY CAR KEYS??? *stomach gurgles*”

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Laurena: “Yay!! Knowledge sim want again!!!” You’re Popularity now, idiot. Go back to meditation.

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And that experience pushes her into labor. Lamaze breathing…hee hee, hoo hoo… “SHOVE IT UP YOUR SHOOOOO FLEEEE”

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This is little Mikayla, a name inspired by an annoying girl in my English class. Doesn’t get more therapeutic than this.

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Taylor takes to his new granddaughter. A good time to have a child actually, I found out that my brother (in real life) just celebrated the birth of a baby girl with his wife. That happened like a month ago because the exchange was still being a— Taylor: “NOOOBOOOO!!! Pay attention to us, DP!! No one cares about your life!!” -___- If you want to die platinum, you watch your mouth.

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And Gary adapts a new style…

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Gary: “Wait…this isn’t how babies are made…” Well, it’s not all those pizzas you scarfed down in college either.

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Gary had black hair for like half a second, then I realized it was going to confuse me to death. See? They have almost the same facial structure. I guess James had more Taylor in him.

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‘Norther baby bump!! This house is a bit dull, sorry.

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Aww…Taylor’s bathing Mikayla… Taylor: “OW!! Stop biting me, ya little runt…” Taylor!! >< He’s such a kidder.

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Evil Stove of Doom: “FAIL” *yawns*

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Laurena: “That’s not my name!!! That’s not my name!!” Did the fire fry your brain cells?

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Gary: “WHERE THE HELL IS THIS THING GOING TO COME OUT???” Um…banned4lyfe much?

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DP: “I hate cliff-hangers.” Oh, shush…this will only take a minute. Did you enjoy your vacation? DP: “Do you here something on the front lawn?” Uh, no. DP: “I do. Sounds like…unwelcome guests.” Always the edgy one. Anyway, what made you want to come back home so soon? You only vacation three days of your five.

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“Let’s just say it was too, uh, toasty and glitchy for my liking.” MAHAHAHAHA!!! ::Coke squirts out of nose:: “HEY, being struck by lightning HURTS!!”

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Now, that you mention it, I do see something. Sandals that only my mom would wear, a cherry dress only a [hurtful term removed] would wear, and boots fitted on feet that could be a child’s.

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“Greetings, stranger. Nice day, isn’t it?” Uh, do I know you? “Oh, very sorry to invade on your territory, I was sent by a colleague. The name’s Kelsey.” -.- This colleague wouldn’t happen to have red suit, would he/she? Kelsey: “Oh, no…she’s a very friendly lady. Shame she was destroyed during a file deletion. I forget her name…was it Neena? Maddie?” O_____o *gulp* Mable? “Oh, yeah, that’s it!!” ‘cuse me. *jumps out second story window*

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Joseph: “Salutations from Planet Ubergreen. I take it that you’ve finished incapacitating yourself?” What’s your IQ, uberfreak? “High enough to tell that you’re distraught. May my alien-cuteness cheer you up? *gurgle*” @____@ Greeeen baaaaaby…*fawns* Joseph is another dude in my second block that’s addicted to UFO’s: Unidentified Fixating Opi****. What’s green, illegal, and banned4lyfe material? Gary: “…is that one of those riddle thingys?” *headdesk*

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Taylor: “Money’s green!! If it’s fake, it’s illegal. And, if you buy illegal stuff with it, it’s banned4lyfe material!! Hahaha, did I get it right?” No. Go skill.

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It’s Mikayla’s birthday! Yays...let’s see the ugly.

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Mikayla: “Fire preeetty…” >___> Pyro much?

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Gary: “Awww…she’s beautiful!!” -___- Show me the toddler.

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You little schmuck. Where’s the jowls you’re supposed to have? Mikayla: “Mommy not that ugly?” You would’ve had some fish lips had SOMEONE shown their monkey-face in my game. *steams*

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Alas. It’s time for a little home renovation. *puts on hardhat and gets out sledgehammer* MWHAHAHAAHA!!!

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It’s not the Croft Mansion, but it’s more accessible and less annoying.

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Center room is the kitchen cut off from the dining room, to right is the garage. North of the garage is the bathroom, above that is Joseph's room. Another small bathroom is next to Mikayla's room, and we have the skilling roomthat will have all of the career rewards. The adjoining room is the grandparents bedroom, and the final room is Gary and Laurena's bedroom.*oxygen*

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Enough of Home Makeover, it’s time for Joseph’s birthday!!

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And so the party kicks off with the spinning of dear alien Joseph.

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Joseph: “The sparks above these colored sticks can only signify the transition that is about to take place!”

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Joseph: “Uh, can someone escort me to a potty? …oops. Make that a changing table.” YAYYYYY…the alien gene begins!! Maybe we can find Monkey-face this time, the #$*@$(@.

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Yo. Not a lot of work tonight, I presume. Ms. Cop: “Throwing a party after 6pm is unacceptable in sim world.” Well, one after 4am would seem rude.

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Back at the bar, we’re climbing the ranks (surprisingly.) Such a dump of an establishment. Maybe I’ll fix it up later, when I’m bored enough to.

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Gary has a Gold badge in Sales and Silver in Cash Registering. Our friendly employees are here to always ensure a quality shopping experience? Emo-boy: “Will I ever find a job that can support my abyssal path in life? I can only hope for the next day that I survive the likes of the morrow and what I left in the last day before life decided to move on—” Pony-tail Gramps: “Will ya shut it, ya mosher? We’re all not happy ‘bout workin’ here as much as you are.” Emo-boy: “And so another conformist mocks my pain and suffering. Someday…someday…” Hula-girl: “Alright…where’s my damn coffee? If I’m going to stand here listening to loner whiny-boy all night, I need my coffee.” Kind of relates to real life, eh?

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I suck at Open For Business, so if you want tips, read tutorials. EphemeralToast’s Ugothlacy can educate you with business management 0\/\/N@g3. Otherwise, if you want to read an uglacy with n00b $k1llz, keep reading!! =D I’ll show you what NOT to do!!

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And this is our Sucker Cake, for sale at $7,999. I love zee Dazzle. ^-^

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This is a normal site, because even though Gary’s Perma-platinum, he needs the charge from this beautiful contraption.

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“Hey, you just got the Best of the Best Award!! Congrats!!” Uh, huh. You have a…familiar facial structure. >___> Mind giving Gary your number?

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Yep, it’s not a lie. I got this award without even trying for it. Um, yay? I know people that would be furious.

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Confrontation thy name is. YOU. Mysterious Voice: “’Lo, dear. Nice day we’re having, eh?” Oh, cut the crap, Suit-Man!! What association do you have with Sister Mable?” Mysterious Voice: “My psychic advisor forbids me not to tell. >< AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!! I WANT ANSWERS!!!

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MV: “Does this establishment have sparkling cider?” Aren’t you a hard juice drinker? MV: “Well, I have a date. The lady’s not into immoral deeds.” ….!

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Aw, Gary is a resourceful, faithful man. Look at this picture. Townie with her legs open, it’s a good qualification for a an “I-see-London” joke, but he carries on with his opinion of recycling! I like the ole Gare-bear. ^-^

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Joseph’s watching the fish!! AWWWWW COOOCHIE WOOOCHIE POOOCHIE GOO Joseph: “My…might I ask if you are alright, dear Creator? You sound like you having a seizure.” Ten nice points. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!

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Time to dance, wiggle, and snake our way into…

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…an elongated child!!! Let’s see the face on this kid.

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-____- Mikayla: “…what?” You’re not ugly. Mikayla: “And…that’s a bad thing? I grew up well!” You’re…not…ugly. Mikayla: “Um…sorry?” *wrings hands*

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In my anger, I fix her up with some…adjustments of my own. Mikayla: “You hate me, don’t you?” Eh, not as bad as I hated James. Mikayla: “I have 8 nice points. Does that make up for it?” Show your use in my game, and I’ll consider it.

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REWARD!! I can make medicine, which is needed because the neighborhood’s lately been plagued by the Flu, thanks to James and his irresistible cockroach-stomping needs back in college.

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‘Fraid it’s time, Taylor m’boy. Taylor: “I feel a sparklie dance comin’ on.”

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And his elderfying immediately causes a bit of arthritis, glitching himself into the table. Patient: “Doctor, doctor…I think I’m a table!” Doctor: “Can you walk on both legs?” *crickets* Shut up. *throws shoe at crickets.*

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Quinten joins his husband with gray hair and achin’ knees. Quinten: “I need to stock up on Bengay for Taylor—” *sticks fingers in ears* Keep your private life to YOURSELF.

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And he turns into a well-adjusted elder. I don’t want to know what Laurena’s looking at back there.

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I’ll leave them to enjoy their graceful aging period alone. Quinten: “Do those Spandex still fit you, hon?” MOVING RIGHT ALONG.

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Joseph was feeling kind of low that he didn’t learn any toddler skills, so I got Quinten to teach him to talk. He was platinum before his childification.

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Ready to become a slave to skills, bud? Joseph: “Depends. Is there cake involved? Indefinitely. Joseph: “Right, then. Pick me up, Grandfather 2.”

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Joseph: “No, the cake was a lie!!” Sorry. I just had you grow up on your own. I can have Gary fix up a cheesecake for you. Joseph: “Ah, well. I’ll see to it, then.” He’s so lovable. <3

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Gary. Stop. With. The. Bubbles. Gary: “HeheheheheheHEH!! Feels like college ALL over again!!” If you’re James, which you KNOW would trigger a hundred satellite deaths on your part.

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I think Quinten’s going senile. Need a call to the retirement home, dear? Quinten: “AR! That’s not how you greet a Captain!! Now, where’s the location of our booty?” If you don’t get out of the tub, I’ll have YOUR booty.

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I think Quinten’s going senile. Need a call to the retirement home, dear? Quinten: “AR! That’s not how you greet a Captain!! Now, where’s the location of our booty?” If you don’t get out of the tub, I’ll have YOUR booty. I’ve run out pictures for this chapter and I just want this uploaded so I can continue on. Tune in next time for teenage angst, college, and elders LTW reaching (><). Don’t forget to comment!! Bye, simmers!! Quinten: “Mildew on the port bow!!”

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