Building Relationships

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Presentation Transcript

Slide1: 

Strengthening Relationships A Life Skills Workshop Presented by Student Counseling Services

Slide2: 

“To have a friend, be a friend.”

Slide3: 

“Friendship is not won by the giving of things, but by the giving of the heart.” --- Roy Lessin

Slide4: 

Relationship: the state of being related. Related: 1. connected by some understood relationship. 2. connected through membership in the same family. The key is CONNECTION.

Slide5: 

Relationship Assumptions Successful relationships are basic to successful living. Keeping relationships healthy deserves a high priority. Your marriage or significant other is your most important relationship. You can learn to understand how to make your relationship work.

Slide6: 

Types of Relationships Family relationships Occasional (“anonymous”) relationships – clerks, waiters Casual relationships (acquaintances) – some people at work, professors, classmates Friendships – people with whom you seek interactions, whose company you enjoy Romantic relationships – passionate, emotional connection, usually reciprocal

Slide7: 

Aspects of Friendship Keeps confidence Loyalty Warmth/affection Supportiveness Frankness Sense of humor Willingness to make time for me Independence Good conversationalist Intelligence Social conscience

Slide8: 

Six Rules for Friends Share news of success with a friend. Show emotional support. Volunteer help in time of need. Strive to make a friend happy when in each other’s company. Trust and confide in each other. Stand up for a friend in his/her absence.

Slide9: 

Development of a Close Relationship Zero contact Stage 1: unilateral contact Stage 2: bilateral contact Stage 3: mutuality

Slide10: 

Intimacy in Communication Cliché Conversation Person 1 Person 2

Slide11: 

Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Conversation Other’s Ideas Person 1 Person 2

Slide12: 

Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Conversation Other’s Ideas Ideas & Opinions Person 1 Person 2

Slide13: 

Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Personal Conversation Other’s Ideas Information Ideas & Opinions Person 1 Person 2

Slide14: 

Intimacy in Communication Cliché Facts, Your Personal Feelings Conversation Other’s Ideas Information About Each Ideas & Opinions Other Now Person 1 Person 2

Slide15: 

Close Relationships Relatively long-lasting Frequent interaction Mutual activities Impact of interactions is strong

Slide16: 

“Marriage is not just a ‘happily ever after’ ending, but a lifetime of ‘I choose to love you’ beginnings.” --- Matt Anderson

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: 

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail Dr. John Gottman

Slide18: 

“A lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.”

Styles of Marriages: 

Styles of Marriages Validating Volatile Avoidant

Validating: 

Validating Listen and understand each partner’s point of view Value other while disagreeing more like problem-solving discussions negotiate compromises Value “we-ness” of relationship Risk: passionless arrangement

Volatile: 

Volatile Fight on grand scale--make up on grand scale Highly engaged with each other See selves as equal parties in relationship Easily express feelings, opinions, & thoughts Risk: slide into too much fighting

Avoidant: 

Avoidant Conflict minimizers Agree to disagree--shove it under the rug Low level of companionship High degree of autonomy Risk: Encountering problem too big to avoid

Emotional Ecology: 

Emotional Ecology Need to strike a balance of positive/negative magic ratio: 5 to 1 Healthy marriages represent three ways of adapting to achieve the balance Unhealthy marriages which do not adapt can be recognized by warning signs: “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse: 

Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling

Criticism: 

Criticism Attacking someone’s personality rather than behavior Blaming & accusing “You…” statements Different from Complaining “I…” statements Present to a degree in all relationships

Contempt: 

Contempt Criticism with intention deeper, more personal attack Includes insults & name-calling hostile humor & mockery body language Results in decay of admiration or positive feelings for partner

Defensiveness: 

Defensiveness Elicited by criticism & contempt Includes: denying responsibility --making excuses disagreeing with mind reading --yes-butting cross complaining --Rubber man/woman repeating self --whining Result: obstructs communication--conflict escalates

Stonewalling: 

Stonewalling Communication shutdown Conveys disapproval, disgust, smugness Found in men more than women

Cycle of Negativity: 

Cycle of Negativity Four horsemen are hard to tame If unchecked, downward spiral/cascade occurs Flooding occurs--system overload Chronic flooding leads to distance/isolation cascade

Strategy for Improvement: 

Strategy for Improvement Calm down Speak nondefensively Validating Partner Overlearning--try & try again