logging in or signing up Relationships Presentation Clown Download Post to : URL : Related Presentations : Let's Connect Share Add to Flag Embed Email Send to Blogs and Networks Add to Channel Copy embed code: Embed: Flash iPad Dynamic Copy Does not support media & animations Automatically changes to Flash or non-Flash embed WordPress Embed Customize Embed URL: Copy Thumbnail: Copy The presentation is successfully added In Your Favorites. Views: 3022 Category: Entertainment License: All Rights Reserved Like it (1) Dislike it (0) Added: June 17, 2007 This Presentation is Public Favorites: 0 Presentation Description No description available. Comments Posting comment... Premium member Presentation Transcript Relationships: Getting the Relationship You Want: Relationships: Getting the Relationship You Want Laura C. Flynn, Ph.D. James D. Martin Employee Worklife Center The Larger Context: The Larger Context What is love? The 3 people in relationships The dance Some Interesting Facts: Some Interesting Facts Love and the Brain The mildly insane and love The High of Love Why We Fall in Love: Why We Fall in Love Imago Theory By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.: Imago Theory By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. Falling in love: joy, aliveness, wholeness The projection drops away: anger, despair Difficulty as part of the growth process The Process of Imago: The Process of Imago Vision of illusion falls away Our partners are different from how we thought they were Our old hurts are re-activated and it seems that our partner is at fault A power struggle ensues At this time, your partner is 'unqualified' to give you what you want The Process Continued: The Process Continued Free will in choosing our partners? Our unconscious causes us to fall in love with those who remind us of our early caregivers When infatuation wears off, we suddenly discover that our partner denies us those same things as our early caregivers Imago andgt; an image of 'the person who will make me whole again' Another Imago: Opposites attract Imago in Action: Imago in Action What is Conscious Relationship We work to give our partners what they need, not just what is easy to give Example: connectedness and separateness a common imago pairing Why Conflict is Good: Why Conflict is Good Conflict is Deepening and Healing: Conflict is Deepening and Healing Working through the wound as a source of conflict We have unconsciously chosen our partners to help us heal certain wounds Identify the wound The source of most conflict Not feeling heard, respected, attended to Stepping on the wound Can’t I Choose Someone Else?: Can’t I Choose Someone Else? Opposites attract Differences in DNA have been shown to predict faithfulness and fidelity in relationships University of New Mexico: research on a set of genes that regulate the immune system As similarities in these genes increased, women were more likely to be unfaithful Working With Grievance: Working With Grievance The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse By John Gottman, Ph.D.: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse By John Gottman, Ph.D. Criticism Attacking the person instead of stating how you feel about the troublesome behavior Defensiveness High tension and lack of listening during discussions Contempt Lack of respect and sarcasm in response to or about your partner Stonewalling Emotional shutdown and unresponsiveness in response to attempts to communicate Especially in areas of conflict Strategies for Conflict Management: Strategies for Conflict Management Use 'I' statements rather than 'You' statements Avoid inflammatory language, derogatory names No interruptions Focus on 1 topic Avoid past grievances, other issues Time-outs: ask for them 5 positives to 1 negative How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship By Pat Love, Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin, Ph.D.: How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship By Pat Love, Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin, Ph.D. Try to control everyone and everything When your partner tries to please you, find fault Keep score Win every fight Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her 'If you loved me, you would know what I want' Blame your partner, never take responsibility Start conversations when your partner is busy or exhausted Focus on changing your partner Active Listening: Active Listening Relationship Resources: Relationship Resources Hendrix, H. (1998). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. http://www.imagotherapy.com Welwood, J. (2005) Perfect love, imperfect relationships: Healing the wound of the heart. Fisher, B. (2005) Rebuilding when your relationship ends. Berzon, B. (2004). Permanent partners: Building gay and lesbian relationships that last. Thanks for Attending Our Seminar!Please attend our Next Offering on:Basic Financial FitnessMarch 20, 2007: Thanks for Attending Our Seminar! Please attend our Next Offering on: Basic Financial Fitness March 20, 2007 You do not have the permission to view this presentation. In order to view it, please contact the author of the presentation.