PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL ABUSE: PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL ABUSE What you need to know to keep your children safer.


Coalition Against Child Abuse & Neglect: Coalition Against Child Abuse andamp; Neglect Est. in 1979 to coordinate efforts to protect children throughout Long Island Offer a wide array of services in the prevention of child abuse and in child victim advocacy. Works closely with police, CPS, mental health providers, schools and communities A non-profit agency dependent upon the support of public/private grants and donations.


CCAN: CCAN VISION: Creating a community where all children flourish. MISSION: Protecting children against abuse and neglect with compassionate support and innovative, professional programs and services.


Why you are here: Why you are here It is the responsibility of adults to keep children safe from sexual abuse. Children cannot be expected to prevent harm done to them by adults. Parents who know more and take on this knowledge greatly reduce the risk of harm coming to their families.


Knowledge is Power: Knowledge is Power Hearing about sexual abuse of children is difficult. Important to shed light on the subject of sexual abuse. Goal: Security not Scare Tactics Empowerment vs. Helplessness Learning to make a difference.


The Epidemic of Sexual Abuse: The Epidemic of Sexual Abuse Millions of children a year are the victims of sexual abuse. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys. Nassau County 2005: 453 reported cases of sexual abuse of children. 67% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under – the median age is 9. All children are at risk, most victims will never voluntarily tell anyone. Ever.


Megan’s Law: Megan’s Law Sex Offender Registry Level 1- low thru Level 3-high, BUT, what someone is convicted of is not always what they were charged with or what they committed. Supervision/Treatment It’s the offender you DON’T know about that is more likely to abuse your child. Remember: 88% of offenses are NEVER reported.


Who’s perpetrating the abuse?: Who’s perpetrating the abuse? 93% of all child victims of sexual assault know their perpetrator – a member of their family (34%), or someone known and trusted by the family(59%). 10-12% of American children are incest victims (90% are female, most of the offenders are fathers/stepfathers). It’s hard to face the fact that someone we know – and even like – might be a sexual abuser.


What is sexual abuse?: What is sexual abuse? When a child is used for the sexual gratification of an adult or an older child. Touching: Fondling, Vaginal/Oral/Anal intercourse, Attempted Intercourse, penetration with objects or parts of body, coercing a child to touch someone sexually. Non-Touching: Exhibitionism, voyeurism, discussion of sex, exposure to pornography, using in pornography, allowing a child to witness sex.


Warning Signs: Warning Signs Warning signs tend to be more behavioral than physical. Behavioral: May also occur at times of stress such as divorce, death/loss, problems at school. If multiple signs occur, ask questions.


Behavioral Warning Signs (cont.): Behavioral Warning Signs (cont.) Nightmares, trouble sleeping, fear of the dark, extreme fear of monsters, new fears, Fear of certain people or places. Regressive behavior in older child: thumb sucking, bed-wetting. Simulating sex with dolls, asking other children to behave sexually. Bizarre, sophisticated, unusual sexual knowledge. Talks about new OLDER friend/Secrets/Seductiveness.


Characteristics of Abusers: Characteristics of Abusers IF SOMEONE IS MORE INTERESTED IN YOUR CHILD THAN YOU ARE, THERE IS A PROBLEM!


The Grooming Process: The Grooming Process 80% + sex abuse cases happen in one-adult/one-child situations. Targeting and Engagement (relationship building if not family member). Begins by talking about sex, tickling, showing pornography Sexual Interaction Secrecy


Characteristics of Abusers: Characteristics of Abusers Insists/gets time alone with child. Overly interested in sexuality of a child. Spends much of his spare time with children Regularly offers to baby-sit/takes children on overnight outings alone. Allows children/teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviors. Talks about sexual fantasies with children. Has a 'special' child friend, maybe different ones from year to year. Calls children names like 'slut' or 'stud'.


Stranger Danger: Stranger Danger Mostly a myth, but we need to be aware. Avoid children being alone in the community: walking to school, store, etc. Never put names on backpacks Do not put children’s faces on picture postcards or return address labels Be around kids as much as possible. Minimize opportunity for harm. Avoid posting pictures of children on internet sites, profiles, dating websites.


Protecting Children: Protecting Children Establish.expand healthy boundaries. Use role-play to help child understand tricks Know the adults your child is with. Interview babysitters, coaches carefully Keep good records of your child NEVER leave young children at home alone unattended.


Protecting Children (cont.): Protecting Children (cont.) Respect/support child’s choice NOT to kiss/hug other adults, even relatives. Teach your child that you do not say 'I Love You' to everyone. Teach your children about sex


Offender Quote:: Offender Quote: 'SHOW ME A CHILD WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT SEX, AND I WILL SHOW YOU MY NEXT VICTIM'.


Protecting Children (cont.): Protecting Children (cont.) Let your child know that grown ups aren’t always right; and some do bad things. Make time to listen to your child. Relationship VS Quality Time


Know Your Family History: Know Your Family History If you believe sex abuse has occurred in your family, share this with your spouse. Never let children alone with a known sex abuser. Talk to the abuser.


Internet: Internet Computers with internet should NEVER be placed in a child’s/teens room – always in a common area. 20% of children will be solicited yearly Make sure child does not divulge or post personal information on computer Know your child’s online activities. Learn about the internet – If your child knows more about the computer than you do – TROUBLE!


Controlling Internet Use: Controlling Internet Use Become the 'administrator' of your computer. Use the help function on Windows XP and it will guide you through Change settings for your child’s internet explorer capabilities, don’t let them download any programs without your knowledge/approval Assign your child a password that only YOU know: this allows them only to use the computer with your monitoring and allows you to control amount of time spent on the computer.


Online Parenting at its Best: Online Parenting at its Best Don’t overreact Establish clear rules and stick to them Set Int. policy and configure profiles, software and Website preferences together. Stay engaged


Filtering Internet Explorer: Filtering Internet Explorer Go to Control Panel Go to Internet Options Click on the CONTENT tab Under Content Advisor, click ENABLE Ratings tab pops up, adjust slider to filter content (nudity, drugs, hate speech, etc). Click APPROVED SITES tab to control sites you can approve/block GENERAL TAB allows you to set password


Where to go for help: Where to go for help If you see physical warning signs, go to your doctor. If you suspect abuse, call State Central Registry. Call the police. If your child tells you, believe them, reassure them, and support them.


What can you do?: What can you do? Learn facts and understand risks. Minimize Opportunity. Talk about it. Stay Alert–BE THE ANNOYING PARENT Make a plan (if your child discloses) Act on suspicions. Get Involved.


WHAT NEXT?: WHAT NEXT? Take the message to your community. PTA, Schools, Congregations, Libraries Continue Educating yourself and your community Share this info with family members, children.


What to do if you need to report: What to do if you need to report Child porn/exploitation can be reported. Go to www.missingkids.com If you believe a child is being sexually or otherwise abused, contact State Central Registry: (800)342-3720 Further support, esp. regarding sexual abuse, call CCAN (516)747-2966


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