KefalasKathryn

Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage* : 

Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage* Kathryn Edin, Harvard University Maria Kefalas, Saint Joseph’s University *based on the book Promises I Can Keep

The Spread of Single Parenthood: 

The Spread of Single Parenthood Current Theories Male Earnings Female Earnings Welfare “Indeed, it is only a slight exaggeration to say that quantitative social scientists’ main contribution to our understanding of single parent families has been to show that nothing caused them to become more common. Nevertheless, they did.” (Ellwood and Jencks, 2002:2)

Courtship: 

Courtship Conceive in less than a year. Her kids, his kids, their kids. “I want to have a baby by you” a high form of social praise. Fathers want a blood tie with the mother. (Lena, 15, W, 15 month old child). [My boyfriend] wanted to get me pregnant…so that I won’t leave him. So that I’ll stay with him forever. Then he said [to me], ‘When you have kids by somebody, they’ll always go back to you. Contraception initially, then stop when the relationship reaches “another level.” Confidence from raising siblings and cousins.

The Pregnancy: 

The Pregnancy 65% neither planned nor avoided. (Aleena, 17, W, 2 year old child) As I got older, like around 14, [I was on the pill so I couldn’t get pregnant,] but I was confused. I wanted to have a baby, but just not at that time, you know. [But] I always loved kids…I would [go through a time where I would] try [to get pregnant]. But then…I would figure, ‘Well, how am I gonna raise this baby?’ …I didn’t know whether this week I wanted to try or next week I didn’t. [But] I was always thinking it. Always. What is “responsible” for her? Deal with it. Strong opposition to abortion as “convenient” solution His response? Denial of paternity, Pressure to terminate, Abandonment, Violence, Cheating, “Ripping and running.” Cohabitation or breakup.

The Magic Moment: 

The Magic Moment Many survive or reunite at birth. (Angelica, 19, white, 2 year old child, in a three-year relationship with her son’s father, who cheated throughout pregnancy) I believe like people do change. [When our son was born], it just kind of fell into place. He changed—he did a 360. Like, granted, he’s still an asshole [sometimes], but he can be saved, definitely. There’s something about him worth saving. Most see at least a good chance of marriage But see marriage as 4, 5 or more years off. Strong rejection of shotgun marriage norm, A shared child a powerful reason to stay together.

Why So Few Marriages?: 

Why So Few Marriages? Childbearing and marriage are not decisions that “go together.” (Melissa, 19, white, 3 year old child) [You should get married] when you’re 40. This way, you’ve got everything situated and you know what you’re getting into by then.” [Pause]“I guess the kids come first. I don’t know, I guess that’s just the way it goes.” This doesn’t indicate a disinterest in marriage, but rather, its high symbolic value. This doesn’t indicate a disinterest in marriage, but rather, its high symbolic value. High bar for marriage. Economic Relational

Economic Bar: 

Economic Bar Marriage = making it (symbols of success). The “white picket fence” lifestyle: house, furniture, car, savings, debt payoff, decent wedding. Economic ability to set up household together is NOT enough (most already cohabiting). Not respectable to marry without meeting bar.

Relationship Bar: 

Relationship Bar He, she, and we must be ready. Takes YEARS to attain. Mistrust high Want partnership of equals/best friend. Normative demands of marriage higher than cohabitation. Women worry men will feel more right to control them if married (more than if cohabit). Divorce a “sacrilege.”

What Accounts for Break Up?: 

What Accounts for Break Up? Financial instability/irresponsibility (25 %) *** Criminal involvement (30 %) Incarceration (20 %) Substance abuse (35 %) Infidelity (40 %) Domestic abuse (45 %) TOO HIGH A BAR FOR MARRIAGE?

What about the Kids?: 

What about the Kids? Marriage a lifelong quest, kids along the way. Will the baby’s father rise to the occasion? Hope so, but don’t count on it. Life before children marred by school failure, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and volatile personal relationships. Often described as “spinning out of control.” “What would your life be like without your children?” Children provide them with… Order Validation Purpose Companionship

The Spread of Single Parenthood Revisited: 

The Spread of Single Parenthood Revisited

Opportunity Costs or Absolute Preferences?: 

Opportunity Costs or Absolute Preferences? Fewer forgone opportunities The poor and the middle class face vastly different opportunity costs when they have children young. For the poor, childbearing is costly, but only in terms of out-of-pocket costs, which don’t vary by age. For the poor, opportunity costs are small and don’t vary by age. For the middle class, the opportunity costs are large, but decline somewhat with age. Stronger absolute preferences (a greater “taste”) McLanahan (2004) argues that never before in American history have middle class parents made larger investments in their children. But the poor are more likely to make children, not marriage, education or career, the center of meaning making activity. This does not necessarily mean the poor love children more. Children can rise to the top of the list of potential meaning making activities from mere lack of competition.

Marriage a luxury, Children a Necessity: 

Marriage a luxury, Children a Necessity “[My son] is my heart. [When I have hard times] I always tell myself I wanted him. Even if I get that rock on my finger, that white picket fence, and that deed that says the house is mine, [I’ll still have my son] just in case anything goes sour. I’ll say to my husband, ‘You leave! This boy is MINE.’” Sonja, 23, Puerto Rican, four-year-old son

What Liberals Need to Recognize: 

What Liberals Need to Recognize Once hopeful relationships often crumble under strain of very serious problems, problems that probably require a direct response. Poor deserve access to same relationship resources that help strengthen middle class marriages. Will probably keep couples together longer, which MAY be good for children, but unlikely to get many married.

What Conservatives Need to Realize: 

What Conservatives Need to Realize Poor couples already believe in marriage and oppose abortion. The economic bar is real, and strong community norms about the sanctity of marriage uphold it. Stable employment, for BOTH men and women is essential. Assets, as well as income, are essential.

What Everyone Needs to Recognize: 

What Everyone Needs to Recognize These policy goals make little sense for the half of first births that are to teens. Must convince young women and men to wait. Can we transform the culture? This may not help their own economic prospects much, but they’ll be better parents, and their kids will likely benefit. Relationships may have a better chance because men typically “age out” of bad behaviors.

Policy Message: 

Policy Message As long as young women have few avenues of forging meaning and identity elsewhere, they will probably continue to have children sooner than most middle class observers think they should, and in circumstances that are less than ideal.