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How to Get Respect from Your
Teenager or Young Adult
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Respect is that critical ‘tool’ that all parents need to survive the
adolescent parenting years. Virtually every piece of research
confirms that teenagers who respect their parents have a greater
chance of getting through the teen years with greater ease. When
our kids are young we can be very directive because they are
more dependent on us and generally obey. Teenagers resist the
directive approach. They call it control. They need to be
influenced by us instead. Influence comes with respect.
Earning respect takes lots of time and effort. It can be broken
easily. That often happens when us parents get worried and
revert to treating our teens and young adults like much younger
children. Disrespect of their maturity leads to a quick reaction of
disrespect from them to us.
With some self reflection most parents can recognize their own
self-serving or disrespectful behaviour. Most of us do not realize
immediately its effect on their son or daughter. Demonstrating
respect by example is a powerful way to teach your adolescent
how to give respect in return.
According to Michael Bradley author of Yes Your Teen is
Crazy: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind and my
own experience here lists of what destroys and what builds
respect.
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What Teens and Young Adults Say Destroys Their Respect for
You
• When you retaliate to their attacks in kind with insults and
hurtful words.
• When you are sarcastic roll your eyes or say something under
your breath.
• How you act after having too many drinks.
• When you beg or demand their affection.
• When you are so weak in character and restraint that you use
physical force with them and then justify it by saying they
deserved it.
• When you act like a teenager when upset.
• When you act like a teenager to be cool.
• When you act the opposite of cool believing that fear and
punishment from authority perhaps the way you were raised is
a good way to parent.
• When you resort to angry threats and force to get them to do
something.
• When they learn about an extra-marital affair.
• When they see you and your spouse quarrelling
disrespectfully and not resolving the problems in your marriage.
• When you don’t recognize how much it hurts to have parents
who are divorced and do nothing to help them with the
adjustment.
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What Teens and Young Adults Say Increases Their Respect for
You
• Your honesty especially when you admit your mistakes.
• Your persistence when you constantly offer your help with
some homework or assignment even when rejected.
• Consistently showing up to their games and performances even
when they’ve said they don’t care if you come.
• Offering affection without demanding it in return.
• When you laugh at yourself when you goof up because it
makes it easier for them to tell you about their goof ups.
• When you don’t take their messiness personally. Especially if
you are a very neat and orderly person yourself.
• Instead of getting angry you express how concerned you are
when they do something like coming home really late at night or
drinking and driving.
• When you work hard to provide for them without complaining
or holding it over them by expecting more gratitude.
• How you stay composed when they expect you to get really
angry with them for something they’ve done.
• How you treasure your spouse and show how special they are
to you after all these years.
• How you teach them by example by the way you live more
than by telling them and lecturing.
• When you let them make decisions that they know you wanted
to control.
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• When your teen or young adult is going nuts about some
drama they are involved in and you listen and stay calm.
Your teenager is a version of you. They are influenced by
primarily by two sources: your genes and your relationship. The
degree of influence of each may be a matter of debate.
Nevertheless your influence with your teenager will be much
greater when you continually nurture their respect for you by
showing respect for them.
Source :- http://www.newinsights.ca/parents-of-teens/how-to-get-respect-from-
your-teenager-or-young-adult